Shattered Soul
by Negative Angel
Summary: Broken and hollow following months of imprisonment, Arria joins the Grey Wardens during their darkest hour. When only she and one other Grey Warden survive the events of Ostagar, they face defeating the Blight alone while battling their own internal demons. Fate is a cruel mistress, and it sees fit to push them to breaking point. Alistair x F!Warden. Rated M for a reason.
1. Prologue: Broken Dancer

Hi all, this little plot bunny has been biting me for a little while and I've finally caved. I will be writing this concurrently with my other main story, **Proud Hearts**, so updates will be between the two.

I have had this idea swimming around for my own Origins storyline, and here it is, inspired from the Cousland Origins line, so much of this will not be clarified till much later, but some will be revealed in the early chapters too.

**Warning: This story contains mature themes including rape, torture and abuse. If this is not what you aim to read, then turn away now.**

Special thanks to Eve Hawke whose work has inspired me to write this!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Prologue: Broken Dancer**

She kept her face down even as the harsh biting wind nipped at her cheek, as if taunting her to her cruel fate; for months, she had not felt sunshine, nor warmth in her dark cell. No, all she caught was the overspill of a rainstorm, the freezing lance of snow escaping through the tiny barred gap in the wall, or the agonising chill of the wind. Everything was cold, _so cold. _

Still, it wasn't as if she wasn't used to it by now: 8 months of being a prisoner did that to you. It hardened you. 8 months ago she had lost her freedom and all that was left of her tattered life. All that remained was her existence, though even that barely amounted to anything nowadays. Daily tortures and horrors at his hands had suppressed her spirit and destroyed her sense of self.

_A fitting end for my failing, _she thought every day. This was her punishment: her atonement. It was all she deserved for letting them die. Letting them **all **die. She didn't let her mind wander home often, but when it did, she thought of the good times. Of sitting around the fire in their command house, of practical jokes on the city walls, riding through the skies of griffons.

Of a land now destroyed. All because they were feared; not for any reason other than what they could do. There was a good reason they had never shared their secrets, none of the other nations had been trustworthy. As had been proven when their neighbours, the Tevinter Imperium, Nevarra and the Free Marches had led co-ordinated attacks against them. Three countries had launched their full armies against their tiny nation, not even big enough to hold 45,000 people, and wiped them all out. She was the last of a slain people. Not that anyone in Ferelden had even heard of her small home, thus no-one knew of her plight.

She was jarred from her musings by her cell door opening, and seeing her usual guard looking as smug as ever. "You've been summoned. Get up." Hauling herself upon tired legs, she walked to the door and allowed her hands to be bound, as they always were. She was led to the usual chamber in the dungeons and bound to the table as she had been for 8 months: her wrists were held be chains while ropes spread her legs wide, leaving her completely vulnerable. He smirked as he left the chamber, bowing to the one who entered in his place before bolting the door shut. Leaving her just _with him._

"Hello, my pet." She turned steely eyes towards the one who had shattered her soul and broken her body more times than she could count: Rendon Howe, Arl of Amaranthine. He smiled in that sickening way he always did, and at that she shut her eyes and braced herself for the pain. It did her no good to fight it, this was her life now. To be the…the…_pet_ of this vile man. She wept for the strong warrior she had been before, but now that was gone.

Gone, just like that rest of her.

* * *

Thirty minutes later he finally tires of her and she was thrown back to her cell. She slumped against the wall as she did every time he was finished with her, but a conversation caught what little attention she had left.

"I will be leaving for Highever tonight, Thomas, and I leave Amaranthine in your hands while I am gone."

"Do they suspect?"

"Not a thing, and if all goes as planned, in three days the Couslands will trouble us no more. Maker go with you, son."

"And you, father." The two men moved off shortly after that, leaving her to her quiet corner of the dungeon. She barely had a minute to think to herself before she heard the usual trickle of rainwater getting into her cell. A barely audible sigh left her lips as she braced for another night sleeping on a wet floor. _Still, at least it'll wash away all the blood._

* * *

Two days had passed without her being disturbed, and she blessed the Maker for it. Not since her captivity had begun had she been left one day untouched, let alone two. Whatever business Howe had with the Couslands, it was giving her a much needed relief. That did not stop the guard from taunting her through her cell door, but that she could handle: the man still remembered the early days of her slavery and could still recall nearly having his neck broken. A quick smile of reminder was all that was needed to get him to back off.

This time however, he seemed pensive when he opened the door. "You've got a visitor, Whore." She was puzzled as to who would simply _visit _her, but she would not turn them away. Not that she could, even if she wanted to.

Her eyes were drawn to a dark-skinned man clad in silver armour who entered. He was well built and appeared initially intimidating, however the sympathetic eyes he gave her made her think he was maybe not another of Howe's "acquaintances" come to claim her body. She backed up slightly against the wall as he crouched down to her level, but tried to make himself as non-threatening as possible. "What is your name, child?"

Her eyes snapped to his at the soft tones, but months of abuse had left her with little pleasantries. "What concern is it of yours?"

An understanding smile eased her a touch. "I am just striking simple conversation my girl, that is all." She scoffed and looked away. "I cannot help you if I do not know your name."

A snarl resounded from her throat. "And why exactly would you help me?"

"Because you are special, my dear."

"Oh yes, I'm so special I've been Howe's sex slave for 8 months."

"'Twas a noble gesture which landed you in this situation, I hear." That got him her full attention, and for the first time in as long as she could remember, she let her eyes shine unguarded. "May I have the honour of your name, little one?"

Smoky azure shimmered with uncertainty, and she fiddled with her matted caramel hair as she debated to let him know even more of her, though he certainly seemed to know enough to know what he was getting into by dealing with her. "Arria. Arria Rivell."

The stranger bowed his head. "Greetings, Arria. I am Duncan of the Grey Wardens."

Arria looked at him quizzically. "A Grey Warden? But what are you doing here? I didn't realise the Grey Wardens had regained their place in Ferelden?"

Duncan sighed quietly. "We have only recently returned, and are in dire need of new Grey Wardens. I am on a journey to recruit new Wardens in preparation for the Blight."

The made Arria's blood turn to ice. "Blight? You mean there is one happening right now?"

"No, but there is one in the making. We are trying to stop it before it gains a foothold in the south of Ferelden, and though our numbers are slowly growing, we need more still if we are to stop the vast hordes of the darkspawn."

Arria shivered at the mention of the vile beasts. "But that still does not explain why you are here?"

He smiled at the broken woman before him. "I heard of a young woman who came to Ferelden just shy of a year ago, and help a girl from a terrible fate before it began. She has suffered for it greatly since then, and I hope to offer her freedom."

Her eyes darkened. "But what could you want from me?"

"Nileesan warriors are among the best, are they not? And your talents with the creatures of the wild may be an invaluable skill."

Arria's breath caught in her throat. _How did he…?_ "How…do you know of my heritage?"

"My child, I am well-travelled, and some Wardens I knew previously were of Nileesan descent. While you may not be well known in this corner of Thedas, you are known across the Waking Sea. I cannot tell you how saddened I was by the genocide of your people." He noticed the glazed look her eyes took on. "You ask why I am here? I am going to bring you with me to Ostagar, and there, you will become a Grey Warden. In truth, I was on my way to visit Teryn Cousland and observe a potential candidate in his young daughter, but when I heard of Arl Howe's absence, I saw fit to steal this chance to meet with you."

"But…how could you get me out of here? I am bound to him now."

"That, my child, is not a problem." Duncan promptly stood, and marched up to the guard who had been standing nearby.

"I am hereby removing this woman from Arl Howe's care."

The guard spluttered for a few seconds before regaining his composure. "This woman has signed her freedom over to the Arl. You cannot remove her without the Arl's express-"

"I am invoking the Right of Conscription: the Arl, and no other person in Ferelden can forbade me from taking her into the Grey Wardens." The guard paled and backed away slowly, well aware of the Right. He soon took off without another word, surely trying to run as far away from Amaranthine before the Arl returned to see his 'pet' gone. Duncan smiled softly at the young woman and held his hand out for her. "Come, child. Your new future awaits you."

Arria looked at him in wonder, and hesitated greatly before taking the offered appendage. She was inwardly relieved when Duncan did not grasp back nor pull her to her feet: it was but a simple support as she took her first steps a newly freed woman. He led her towards the back of the dungeon and then revealed something she thought long lost. "My armour! But how…?"

"I recognised the beautiful craftsmanship of Nileesa. From the shape of your armour, I would guess you are a Dual Dancer, are you not?"

Arria smiled wryly. "Once upon a time, maybe. Now, I am but any other rogue; my art lost with my people."

"Your skills will come back to you in the months ahead, as you forge your new life."

She reached out slowly towards it, but soon her hand began to shake until it finally made contact with the cool metal. The hand was ripped back as if it had been burned, and it was then she realised just how much damage has been done to her. "Duncan, I cannot…I am not worthy to wear this anymore…Do you think, you could find me some new armour?" The Grey Warden gave a short nod and placed a single dagger in her hand before leaving the dungeon.

Arria took a last moment to look around the dungeon, knowing it would be the last time she would have to look upon its walls. It wasn't long before a broken mirror caught her attention, and what she saw shocked her: smoky grey eyes looked back at her with a haunted edge, cuts and scrapes were visible along much of her upper arms while her long caramel hair was matted and dull. She pulled the hair from behind her back and looked at it. Much of it was beyond all hope of repair, and would be a permanent reminder of her time here. _As if the memories aren't enough. _Looking at the blade in her hand, she looked into the reflection in the steel for many moments before she made her decision. Without another moment's thought she sliced clean through it, reducing it from waist length to just below her shoulder. As the weight tumbled away to lie unmoving on the ground she almost felt like she was casting off the last chain tying her here physically. Mentally would be another story altogether, but now at last she felt she could build her life anew.

Maybe the Grey Wardens would be exactly what she needed.

Duncan returned moments later with a soft leather armour and Arria smiled at the choice, something light to help her regain her lost strength. Months of captivity had taken their toll, and it would take much healing before she could begin to feel like her old self again. A quick change and a stroll outside saw the young woman feel the sun on her face for the first time in nearly a year. She spread her arms out wide and laugh as she soaked in the feeling. Freedom felt so good.

I suddenly hit her that she had free choice again. That meant she could have a _bath. _

"Erm..Duncan? Can I make one request before we head south?"

The Grey Warden turned to face her. "It must be quick, we do not have time to waste."

"Yes…can I please wash and refresh myself somewhere? I haven't had a bath since…"

A small smile of sympathy came from the older man. "You can have until the early afternoon, my apprentice. But then we must be off. Ostagar cannot wait."

"I understand, thank you." The smile could have split her face for those few moments.

She didn't know what she was signing up for by joining the Wardens, but anything had to be better than rotting in Arl Howe's dungeon. She sent a silent prayer of thanks to the Maker for sending Howe to the Couslands. Without that critical departure, she would not be free now.

* * *

Let me know what you all think! This is my first DA:O fic so hopefully I can make it as good as some of those I have read.

Negative Angel


	2. Last Days of Freedom

Here we go, Chapter 1! Thanks so much to **Eve Hawke, Jaden Anderson, Yuki-sama12, blahblah88 **and** Melysande **for the reviews and follows!

I've now updated the cover so you can all see Arria in all her glory, I'm not the best in the world at describing, so I thought I would just let you all see her instead.

I will reveal more of Arria's and Nileesa's past as time goes on, for the moment you will only get to see the same snippets that the characters around her do I'm afraid; would ruin all the suspense if I gave it all away too early!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

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**Chapter 1: Last Days of Freedom**

Arria's eyes opened after barely three hours of sleep, as she had done since the beginning of her captivity. It took her a few seconds to remember that she was no longer Arl Howe's slave languishing in his dungeon, but a free woman, travelling with Duncan to become a Grey Warden. The elder man sensed her stirring and turned a gentle smile towards her. "You should rest some more, my dear. You will need all the strength you can muster for the days ahead, for travelling if nothing else."

Arria smiled wryly at him and sat up slowly, mindful of the tenderness in certain areas of her body. "It'll take some time to train both my body and my mind out of the thinking that has kept me alive these past months, I fear. I could never sleep too long for fear that someone make take advantage of my vulnerable state." She sighed deeply. "How do I start again now? I was convinced I would rot in that cell, and now I have a future again…"

"You can find the answer to that question when we reach Ostagar. Your future will become a certainty once you join the Grey Wardens, and help us defeat the Blight." Arria nodded slightly and turned her gaze to the small fire which warmed their tiny camp. Heat had become a luxury to her recently, and feeling the warmth radiating from the flames gave her much comfort and reassurance. She stretched out a shivering hand towards the heat, but before she could control it, a barrage of memories assaulted her.

* * *

_The heat was uncomfortable as Merlinne burned around her. The people of Nileesa had sought refuge in the Citadel, but it had not been enough to keep out the invading armies. Her nation was dying around her, even as she fought desperately to save it. "Arria!" She spun around while decapitating a Tevinter mage towards her mentor, watching as he kicked and broke the neck of another soldier. "Get to the top of the Summoning Tower and help the other two! They'll need you!"_

_She violently shook her head. "There's no way in hell I'm leaving you down here to fight them on your own; you'll be killed!"_

_He shook his head sadly and quickly enveloped her in a warm embrace, at which she clung to him tightly. His familiar scent calmed her like no other did: it was a scent she had known for nearly twenty years and the tight hug was as well known to her as the back of her hand. Though they may not have been related by blood, they were a brother and sister: they had been since her parents had died and the man before her had taken in her and her sister, two orphans left to the harsh world. She looked up into his face as he pulled back, gazing into eyes which may have only been eleven years older, but had seen more than anyone should have to in a lifetime. "They hold the only chance of our people, and they need you. If they fall, our nation is lost." He dropped a quick kiss to her forehead and looked at her with teary eyes. "I am so proud of you, my little sister, I hope the Maker sees fit to reunite us when you at last join me."_

_Arria gasped at his words, not willing to believe what he was saying. "You are talking nonsense! Come with me to the Tower!"_

_He smiled sadly. "If I don't stay, you might be overrun by the time you even get there. Our paths are laid before us, and we have to follow them now before it all ends. Maker's blessings go with you, Arria."_

_Before she could comprehend what was happening, he had sprinted off and thrown himself into a cluster of mages, determined to bring as many of them down as he could. Her heart screamed out in agony as a column of fire was raised within the mages, incinerating many of them. And him as well. "__**Garros!**__" Knowing there was nothing more she could do, she ran towards the Tower, hell-bent on avenging all those killed. The Free Marches, the Tevinter Imperium and Nevarra would all pay…_

_Her blades sliced through soldiers and mages alike as she raced toward her goal, her movements too quick and fluid for any to either see her coming or to stop her. The skills her mentor having taught her powered her advance, and they themselves were fuelled by her anger and grief at his death. As she neared the Tower, she came across what she had feared. Abominations. It was not unknown for the Tevinter magisters to corrupt ordinary people and turn them into Abominations, but the hatred grew within her as she recognised the remains of Nileesan armour: these were her own people, twisted and mutated into the creatures before her. Gripping her blades tightly, she ripped through their throats and just managed to roll out of the way of the explosions signalling their demises. He was now forced to slay her own people on top of everything else. __**It just wasn't fair! They didn't deserve this!**_

_The Tower loomed above her, but before she could make it inside a creature emerged from the entrance that made her blood run cold. A Pride Demon, and once it spotted her she knew there was only once way this encounter could end: either it died or she did. It charged towards her and she deftly rolled away while slashing at one of its legs. The beast roared its displeasure and swung out wildly with its hand, smacking straight into her chest and sending her flying into the remains of a nearby wall. Arria coughed up blood and knew that a couple of her ribs were broken; she couldn't take another hit like that, or it would be the end of her. It made to charge at her again, but collapsed upon one of its legs as her slash took effect. Realising she had partially immobilised the demon, she struggled to her feet and leapt away as it slammed a hand down upon where she had just stood. Seizing her chance, she ran upon a pile of rubble and kicked off from the wall next to it, launching herself upon the demon's back. It reached back to rip off the human but before it could, she roared in fury and brought the blades down and straight through the demon's skull. A faint cry was the last sound it made before slumping in defeat and crashing to the ground. Arria laughed out briefly in disbelief that she had just survived the demon, but her victory was short lived._

_A deafening explosion above her directed her attention upwards, and she saw the top of the Tower being blasted apart. Pieces of rubble were raining down, but she cared not if it struck her. Her last two friends, the last two pieces of her family would have been atop the Tower when it was destroyed, taking them with it. As she prepared for the stone to strike her, her thoughts took her away from the carnage raining around her to the some of his last words._

_**Looks like I'll be joining you sooner than you hoped, Garros.**_

* * *

Arria just managed to wrench her mind out of the past and back to the present. Her body shook with the force of the memories she had not been prepared for. It had been just over a year now, a year since her old life had ended in a whirlwind of destruction and death. Maker only knows why she had been spared, but for months afterwards she had wished nothing more than to join them. It seemed at last she had figured out why she'd been chosen to live: she was to become part of another war, the war against the Blight. "Memories?" She snapped her head towards the older man and nodded sharply. "Pardon my curiosity, my dear, but how did you survive the attack on your homeland? For a long time I was convinced your people had been wiped out."

She laughed bitterly. "It wasn't through personal choice I lived. I wanted to die and join them."

"Your people, or your family?"

Tears built in Arria's eyes as she remembered the grief. "My family. I lost my best friends, my brother and sister…My brother died right before my eyes. Right in front of me! He was trying to kill as many Tevinter mages as he could. My two best friends were on top of the Summoning Tower when it was destroyed, while the last of our friends was in the Chantry, helping to heal some of the wounded. It was reduced to rubble by the mages too. And my sister…she was hiding in the castle with many of the families of those in the Citadel Guard. It was the first building to fall…They chose to kill our families before fighting us! The cowards!" She brought her hand down upon the wooden log she sat on and hissed in satisfaction as she felt the pain shoot up her arm and bring her back from her memories. Duncan waited patiently as she reigned herself in, admiring the strength of the young woman before him for choosing not to take the easy option and throw herself into Death's waiting arms and join her family. She was too strong for that. He was now extremely hopeful she would survive the Joining. "But to answer your original question, I was rescued by a small group of gypsies who were sympathetic to our people. I was bitter since they were made up from Antivans and Orlesians, but I was too weak to do anything about it. They found me buried in the rubble of the Summoning Tower and helped me back to health, though it took the best part of two months for me to be fit for travel. The first chance I got, I left them and headed for the one country that wouldn't judge me for my heritage."

"Ferelden."

"The Fereldens do not know of us, at least not generally, so my slight accent wasn't questioned. I thought I could be safe here. I hadn't even been here a month when Howe got his hands on me. 8 months later, and you found me." Arria's eyes followed Duncan carefully as he stood and walked over to his pack and the small sack he had carried with him since their leaving of Amaranthine. After rustling around inside it for a bit, he pulled out several sheets of paper that Arria instantly recognised.

Her eyes widened as Duncan handed her the pieces and she looked upon the sketches done for her by her younger sister, Rena. Many of them were of places the two of them had visited, but two at the back stole her breath. She hadn't looked at them since losing her friends: her grief too raw. One year later however, they had become her last tactile object for remembering them.

The first showed her with her mentor, Garros. He was a tall man at 6'5", towering over Arria's already tall 5'9", with short blonde hair and dark brown eyes. His strong wide chest had been obvious beneath his tight black leather armour, but you would not have known his strength in the tender way held Arria. "This was my mentor and brother, Garros." Arria just about stopped her voice from squeaking as the tears threatened to pour out. "He had taken in my sister and I, just after our parents died. Our father was killed in an assassination, and our mother died in giving birth to Rena. Garros always thought that she wanted to join our father, regardless of what would happen to us, and I think he might have been right, now that I have felt the raw emotions involved with grief. He raised us, and he taught me all of my skills. He taught me to be a rogue, and showed me when to spare and take a life. After he left us in the care of an elderly couple, and went to join the Citadel Guard. He was the only family I had ever known since my parents died before I could remember them." Arria placed the paper carefully at the back of the pile and revealed the next one. "It was because of him that I met this lot.

The next sketch showed her sitting in a cluster with other Guards. She pointed to a mage standing behind her. He was fairly tall, with short brown hair and a sturdy build, not muscular however. "Aleron was a gentle soul, but he was the most powerful mage in all of Nileesa. Mages were rare since most of them went to Tevinter, but Aleron chose to stay with us. He taught us how to resist Blood Magic; he knew it but never used it, no matter how desperate the situation. The skills he taught us were invaluable when Tevinter attacked; it meant we could actually fight back." Her hand drifted to the young woman standing next to him in the sketch. Her long black curly hair tumbled down to her waist and a gentle smile could be seen on her face. "Alira was also a mage, but she dedicated herself to healing, choosing to fight with a bow should the need arise. She was quite unique in that regard." Duncan saw Garros was once again next to Arria in the sketch and had his arm wrapped around her shoulders. It was how Arria was reacting with the last person in the sketch that caught Duncan's eye. He seemed to be similar in height to her, with long black hair tied back into a ponytail and wearing silver armour. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and his own were holding her tightly around her waist, showing a closeness between the two.

"And who was this?"

Arria sighed deeply and drew her finger down the page sadly. "Tomerre. He was such a tortured soul. He had joined the Citadel Guard at the same time as me; a training accident with him is how I met Alira actually." She smiled slightly, remembering their closeness. "He had been kicked out by his family when he was 14, so he didn't exactly embrace friendship easily, but we eventually broke through. He still kept a slight aloofness for a few years, but I chipped away at that shell of his until we became very close. I still miss him dearly...I miss all of them dearly. My one wish is to someday avenge them."

Duncan realised that there would be more to her story, but her emotional outpouring had taken a lot out of her. She stood and picked up on of the blades Duncan had given her and began cutting away at the leather armour he had given her, customising it and focusing her mind away from a life since lost. As he watched her hack at the leather, his thoughts drifted to the other young Grey Warden awaiting them at Ostagar.

_I think the two of them will get along fantastically, and perhaps they can help each other heal._

* * *

Four more days of travelling brought the pair of the to the gates of Ostagar, and the surprise of King Cailan himself greeting them. She watched carefully as the king and Duncan embraced warmly, reflecting their friendship before all there. It had been a long time since Arria had been among royalty, but she remembered the decorum taught to her by Garros.

"Allow me to introduce you, Your Majesty. This is Arria Rivell, a young woman I met in my travels through Amaranthine," said Duncan.

"Ho there, friend. The Grey Wardens are a noble order, you should be honoured to join their ranks," greeted Cailan with a smile on his face.

Arria smiled back gratefully and bowed her head slightly. "I am, Your Majesty," she responded.

Cailan looked at her intrigued. "I don't recognise your accent. You aren't Ferelden by birth I take it?"

Arria seized up momentarily, but she soon realised Cailan had no idea of her heritage. "No, Your Majesty. I was born to another land and came to Ferelden less than a year ago." It was only now that Arria realised just how many men there were around her, and she involuntarily flinched. _Relax, girl. They aren't going to do anything to you._

"In that case, I owe you much gratitude for helping defend our country against the Blight. Please, if you would do me the honour, once this battle is over, I should like to get to know a little bit more about you." Cailan noticed the split second panic take over her eyes, but when it went away quickly, he thought maybe it was just nerves.

"Of course, Your Majesty." Duncan noticed the subtle change in her voice, betraying her unease. He would have to help calm her down after.

"I hate to cut this short, but I must return to my tent. Loghain awaits to bore me with his strategies. Farewell for now, Duncan, my lady." Cailan the turned away and went across the bridge with the rest of his guards.

Once they were out of sight, Arria let loose a small sigh of relief. "The king is a good man, you need not fear his company," spoke Duncan softly.

Arria quickly turned towards him, and before looking away again. "It was a reflex, I don't know what happened. I just noticed how many men there were to start with, and then when the king said he'd like to 'get to know a little bit more'…I'm just used to that having another meaning nowadays."

Duncan smiled at her. "You will grow more confident, with time. For now, I want you to seek out another Grey Warden in the camp by the name of Alistair. He will help you prepare for the Joining." Arria had tried to probe Duncan for information about the Joining for the last couple of days, but the Warden had steadfastly refused to tell her anything, so she simply settled for nodding in affirmation. "Feel free to explore the camp as you wish, I just ask that you do not leave its boundaries. If you have any other questions, there are many knowledgeable folk here; it may do you some good to learn more about Ferelden if you are to not draw attention to yourself."

Arria nodded her head gratefully. She had actually picked up a fair bit in the short stint of freedom she'd had before her imprisonment, so that was not an issue. Though she was grateful for Duncan being aware of that particular hurdle. No, she was more concerned with finding a healer. Some of her injuries had flared up again recently, from before and after coming to Ferelden. An old injury had been aggravated by their great amount of travelling in the past few days: hours of walking for several days after months of barely any movement had left their mark. It would have taken only two days to reach Ostagar were it not for that inconvenience, but unfortunately their pace had been dictated by how much Arria's body could take. She would have pressed on were it not for Duncan's insistence she rest to regain her strength. That little niggle she was sure could heal in a couple of days rest, but as for her internal injuries from months of abuse…she still was still in a fair amount of pain and she bled daily. There was a good chance she had picked up either an infection or been left with potentially permanent damage, and she wanted to know the extent.

As she wandered into the main camp, she smiled at the bustle of activity. A particular mage standing by a tree caught her attention, and she approached her slowly. The woman was older, if her grey hair was anything to go by, but her posture showed her wisdom that came with that age. When Arria came closer, she smiled at her gently. "Hello young one, you wouldn't happen to be Duncan's newest recruit, would you? I am Wynne, senior enchanter among the Circle of Magi."

Arria nodded in reply, before speaking. "I am Arria, and yes, I am Duncan's apprentice. Pardon the intrusion, but you wouldn't happen to know who here is a skilled healer, would you?"

Wynne smiled warmly at the young woman, already impressed with her. "You are in luck, my girl, for I am a healer. You do not appear to have any wounds, what could you need my skills for?"

Arria considered her next words carefully, and prayed that Wynne would not be too nosy. "It is more…internally I am concerned."

Wynne looked at her searchingly for a couple of seconds, making Arria sweat considerably, before she held out her hands; a blue light illuminating them as Arria could feel her pain lessening. It seemed as if there was not as much damage as she feared, though from the look on Wynne's face it seemed as if she was getting the wrong impression. When she was finished, the mage looked at her harshly before speaking. "Might I suggest you keep your…exertions, to a minimum for the next few days. The tenderness will remain for a while yet."

Arria felt a flare of fury burst through her body at the what Wynne was implying, but soon reigned it in as she realised to correct the mage, she would have to reveal the truth, and she was not willing to admit her shame. Instead, she bowed in gratitude and walked off swiftly. _It matters not what she thinks of me, I don't need her approval._

Her furious thoughts came to a halt when she heard a mage and a soldier having a heated discussion nearby. When curiosity got the better of her, she approached them gradually, just picking up bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Yes, I was harassing you by delivering a message." Arria's eyebrow rose in amusement as she kept her distance from the warring pair. The mage seemed pretty ordinary, but the soldier caught her eye: tall and muscular with short blonde hair. _Wait, it's not quite blonde, it more amber than blonde._ She came back from her musings just in time to hear his comment about naming one of his children after the mage. Arria couldn't help herself and a few giggles escaped her, drawing brief attention to herself. The mage subjected her to a glare, but she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow; daring him to do something about it. The soldier smiled in appreciation at her stance and laughed quietly when the mage stalked off angrily. "You know, one thing about the Blight is how it brings people together."

Arria smirked at him while keeping her arms crossed. "You are a very strange man."

He smirked right back. "You're not the first woman to tell me that. Wait…" He cast a scrutinizing eye down her form. "You're not another mage, or you?"

She scoffed at that one. _How daft is he? _"Do you see me walking around in a dress and waving around a stick?"

He burst out laughing at that comment, leading Arria to give a small smile of amusement in response. While she wasn't paying particular attention, he took a better look at her. She had beautiful caramel hair which came to below her shoulders with smoky blue eyes that he was sure had captured more than one man's imagination. Her leather armour had been modified slightly since she had cut away the midsection, leaving her stomach bare, while fitting her womanly curves. He noticed she was very thin, almost too thin, but put that down to keeping a trim figure. "You've got me at that one. Wait a minute, I do know who you are. You're the young woman Duncan recruited in Amaranthine, aren't you? Glad to meet you."

"You must be Alistair, then."

"That I am, Duncan told you about me?"

"He told me to look for the one cracking the lousy jokes, saying that would be you."

"Hey!" Alistair pouted slightly in offense, but soon realised she was teasing from the sparkle in her eyes. "You know, that doesn't sound like something Duncan would say."

She chuckled. "That's because it wasn't, I just couldn't resist a golden opportunity." She relaxed her posture and uncrossed her arms. "I'm Arria."

"Right. That was the name." Alistair's face turned thoughtful for a second. "You know it just occurred to me that there haven't been many female Grey Wardens. I wonder why?"

"Is that your way of saying you would like more women in the Grey Wardens?"

"And why not? Not that I'm some…drooling lecher or anything…Please stop looking at me like that," he implored when she raised an eyebrow and stared at him sceptically. He was growing uncomfortable under her gaze so coughed and changed topic. "I will be joining you as you prepare for the Joining, if you have any questions, let me know. If not, lead on."

She smiled gently at him. "You know, I think I might enjoy travelling with you."

Alistair looked at her disbelievingly. "Really? Huh, that's a switch."

Arria's smile vanished and the smirk was back. "Don't get used to me being nice though, I wouldn't want you to let your guard down."

Alistair smiled back. "I think you're right, this is going to be fun." The Grey Warden held out his hand for Arria to take, but didn't notice the momentary flinch on her part. She willed herself into relaxing, surprised at how easily it came around him, and shook the offered hand. _I might just find some good company in him._

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Please review to let me know what I can improve etc. I am by no means a proficient writer, and can only improve with your help!

Negative Angel


	3. Forever Guilt

Wow! What a response! Thanks to everyone who reviewed/favourited/followed, especially **Eve Hawke **who continues to be my biggest inspiration!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa**

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**Chapter 2: Forever Guilt**

When Arria returned to the camp, with Alistair half a pace behind her, her eyes were drawn to the man pacing in front of what could only be described as a pen. Intrigued, she changed course to see what his plight was. Alistair raised a speculative eyebrow but followed her none the less. As she got closer, she recognised the smell, as well as the barks. _Mabari! Oh it has been so long since I felt the comfort of an animal's embrace. _Arria jogged towards them, but as she got closer, she sensed the unease of the hounds. Something was very wrong.

"Hail friends, what can I do for you?" greeted the Keeper.

"Actually, I was wondering if I can do something for you. What is wrong with these Mabari?" answered Arria.

The Keeper looked at her, mildly stunned at her perceptiveness. "How did you know there was something at work? I have been doing my best to keep attention away from the hounds."

She smiled gently. "I heard there were equal measures unease and fear within their barks." The Keeper watched her, impressed at her knowledge while Alistair regarded her curiously. "Is that anything I can do?"

The Keeper sighed. "One of these poor fellows had his master slain in the last battle with the darkspawn, but not only that, he ingested some darkspawn blood. I've been trying to calm him enough so that I can get this muzzle on him to stop him hurting himself and others, but he won't let me get close."

Arria's gaze sharpened as she watched the Mabari in question carefully, before she turned back to the Keeper. "You will need a stretch of silk as well as the muzzle. Muzzles can be harmful to Mabari, though they are bred to deal with great pain so normally it would not affect them. However, all his senses are hyperaware, so he is very conscious of what you are trying to attach."

The Keeper's eyes widened significantly while Alistair looked at her puzzled. _Just how does she know so much about Mabari? Maybe she has had one before?_

Deciding to trust the young woman before him, the Keeper pulled a strip of silk from his pack and handed it to her, along with the muzzle. She bowed her head in gratitude before entering the pen, and shutting it again behind her. As she got closer, the Tainted Mabari snarled at her fiercely, leading Alistair to draw his sword and point it at the offending creature. Arria looked towards him and slowly shook her head. He warred with himself briefly, but then returned the blade to its sheath, trusting her judgement. Once he had relaxed his stance, Arria returned her attention to the growling hound before her. As she looked deep into its eyes, she crouched before it, whispering something quietly. Alistair strained his ears to try and hear the words, but he could make out nothing, though he saw the Mabari slowly relaxing. _What is she doing?_

Arria continued her quiet chant, allowing it to soothe and ease the struggling beast. _Il ma starras, clonre fur siiranas. _She could see in its eyes the understanding of her words. _Prasona fur canna, millana assusa. _It stopped its snarling and sat down instead, waiting for her to continue. _Mella illana, derra fuor. _Barely after she had stopped speaking, did it bow its head, giving her permission to proceed. She smiled and pressed a small kiss to its nose, keeping her forehead pressed against its own as she tied the silk around its mouth. _Mi merra, Il lai kerrous._ As she pulled back, she very gently attached the muzzle, stroking its head in silent question. The Mabari responded by rubbing his head back into her hand. She bowed her head to it, as it did to her before she left the pen. Now that the Mabari was no longer a danger to the others, they too calmed, going about their normal business.

Arria again faced the star struck Keeper, quietly laughing to herself at the man's expression. "He will remain calm for the foreseeable future. However, once the Taint takes hold of him fully, we will have no choice but to relieve him of his pain. Do you know of any treatments for the Taint?"

It took the dumbfounded man several seconds to answer. "There is a flower in the Wilds, which will help the healing process."

"Then I shall look for this flower. Good day to you, ser."

Arria had barely taken a step when he called out to her again. "My lady! Where did you learn such skills? What was that you spoke as you approached it?"

She smiled mysteriously. "Tis an old chant I learnt from my people, as I did my art. If you'll excuse me." She bowed her head and moved away, Alistair hot on her heels.

His intrigue concerning the young woman had just shot to new heights, he had never before seen anything like what had just transpired. "Arria, can I ask you something?" She faced him and raised an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. "Where did you-" He didn't get the chance to finish his question as the gates flew open, and the whole camp descended into chaos.

A bloodied soldier had burst through the gates, tumbling from his mount seconds later into the arms of his fellows. The pair of them rushed over, and noticed that both Cailan and Duncan were already at the man's side; Wynne was not far behind and began using her healing arts upon the injured man. When Duncan shouted for the great crowd of onlookers to disperse, he beckoned Alistair and Arria closer as he took sight of the man's armour. He was not of the King's army, but of the personal guard of Highever. His stomach dropped as a suspicion played at the edge of his mind, guessing at what may have transpired, but praying he was wrong.

Cailan grasped the man's shoulder gently, willing him to stay awake. "Tell me what happened," he encouraged gently.

The soldier spluttered as blood choked him, Wynne's magic doing little to help him. "They came from nowhere…Betrayed us…betrayed the Teryn…"

"Who betrayed the Teryn? Where are they now?" A quick glance at Wynne led to the mage shaking her head. His blood had been tainted by the darkspawn; as soon as the man had told his tale he would have to be slain.

"Arl…Howe." Arria could not help herself and drew in a sharp breath, drawing Alistair's attention to her. He could not fail to notice the naked hatred and fear in her blue eyes, but he soon turned back to the dying man. "The Teryn, and the Teryna, are…dead…Lady Cousland…she may live…I had to…needed to know…" Arria shut her eyes angrily and stepped away, knowing what was going to come next. Duncan stood with her and placed a comforting hand on her back once she stopped walking, making sure she would not be overheard.

"That's why he left. I heard the bastard say he was leaving to visit the Couslands, but I never thought he would massacre them." A sudden thought came to her and knocked all the air out of her body, nearly causing her to faint. She looked straight at Duncan. "You were going to visit them…You would have been at Castle Highever when the attack came…"She swallowed a lump of bile which had found its way to her throat and fought the growing nausea. "You could have saved them-"

"I seriously doubt one man could have made that much difference, my dear." Duncan laid his hand upon her shoulder, willing her to see the truth in his words. "Yes, I may have been on my way to see the Couslands, but while I was going to take a look at the Lady Elissa Cousland to see if she would be suitable to join the Grey Wardens, my main reason was to ask about you: to see if the Teryn had heard anything of you."

That confused Arria. "Why were you looking for me?"

"There was a Grey Warden in Merlinne the day it fell. He had been impressed by you and one of the other guards there, and had been waiting for an audience with your King to request bringing both of your into the Grey Wardens. He survived the destruction, but noticed that you had been noted down in the records as 'Never Found'. It led to the belief you had survived, though it took until only four months ago for me to discover you had in fact come to Ferelden. Since then, I have been charged with your search, as well as recruiting new Wardens."

"But why _me_? I am just another human being."

"Who survived one of the worst atrocities of Thedas, is an extremely rare fighter in being a Dual Dancer, and as a Nileesan, has access to a lost art. You, my dear, are truly special: and though you are in need of some serious healing, you will become one of the greatest Wardens Thedas has ever seen, I am sure."

Arria smiled through unwanted tears at Duncan's tears, and though she should have known better than to give into her curiosity by now, she could not help herself. "Duncan, who was the other guard that would have been brought into the Grey Wardens?"

He smiled sadly at her. "I never knew his name, but knew his description. I believe it was your friend Tomerre."

She gasped and took a step away from him, digesting the new information. _It can't have been…_ But she was denied any more time to absorb as Cailan approached them, a steely glint in his eyes. "Duncan, I need a word with both you and Arria in private." Duncan recognised that look in Cailan's eye, it was when the King wanted answers, and would not be denied them. He bowed to the King and went over to Alistair, telling the younger Warden to gather the rest of the new recruits together after disposing of the body. Once Alistair had been occupied with tasks, he re-joined the young woman and the King in the King's own tent. He instantly noticed Arria's perfectly straight back and tense posture. She was incredibly nervous, and he did not blame her. While he knew Cailan meant no harm to her, he would still seem very intimidating to a woman who had been abused as badly as she had. "Duncan, it was my understanding that you originally headed north bound for Highever, yet when you return, it is with you never having reached your destination, nor with Lady Cousland, as you had originally intended. Instead, you return with a young woman from Amaranthine, and the Couslands are now dead. What is it you are not telling me?"

Duncan could not help but notice Arria shrink back ever so slightly, as if in guilt, though he knew differently. "Your Majesty, I accomplished my true aim while I was en route to Highever. I informed you that I was going to Castle Highever for two reasons, the second of which was to try and recruit Elissa Cousland. My first, as you know, was to find a soldier of a lost nation."

Cailan's eyes widened as he turned to look at Arria, for the first time seeing the fear and guilt in her eyes. "You mean, this young woman, is…? No wonder I didn't recognise your accent, you're Nileesan aren't you?"

Arria's gaze shot from the floor to meet Cailan's own, but was shocked to find only wonder and amazement there. Duncan continued as their gazes remained locked. "Your Majesty, my I formally introduce you to Arria Rivell, Captain of the Citadel Guard of Merlinne, Capital of Nileesa."

Cailan broke his gaze away from the young woman and bowed to her. Arria was stunned beyond words, for shouldn't she be the one bowing before a King? She didn't expect it to be the other way around. "Forgive me for my harsh words and lack of understanding earlier, my lady." He stood to his full height once more, but the friendly grin was back on his face. "May I have the honour of knowing your art?"

Arria smiled gently, unsure of how to proceed. Should she reveal more of herself? Well, she would only be telling it to the King of Ferelden. Nobody important. She laughed internally at the bizarreness of the situation. "I didn't think you would be so familiar with my history, Your Majesty."

"Empress Celene was kind enough to educate me with what little knowledge she contained. Since I have heard of your people, I have been beyond intrigued, but after what happened, I had lost all hope of meeting a Nileesan till Duncan told me of your possible survival a few months ago."

She was stunned almost to the point of silence, but coughed and continued. "I am a Dual Dancer, Your Majesty."

Cailan smiled in wonderment. "What class?"

She smiled with pride. "First class."

"So not only is a Dual Dancer joining the Grey Wardens, but she is a master of her art to boot. We are beyond fortunate to have you at our side."

"If I was a master of my art, my Lord, I would be known as such."

"With what happened, my girl, I do believe you are now what would be considered a master of your art."

Arria became sombre at the stark reminder. "Yes…I suppose, I am…"

He noticed the change in her voice, and asked Duncan for a moment of privacy. The Warden nodded and they stepped to the side, giving them a chance to talk out of earshot from Arria, but they need not have even moved, for she was lost in her memories once more. She thought back to two days before Merlinne fell, to the last time she had spent time with her best friend before their world began to unravel before them.

* * *

_He swung out with his blade behind him, forcing her to collapse into the splits as she lashed out with her own blades. His shield took the blow, but he was not prepared for her leg to swing out and knock his out from under him. With a loud clatter of armour he fell to the ground, but was not left there long as she slid a blade under his chin and set upon his silver protection, smirking in victory. "I win again."_

_For once though, he wasn't going to let her off so easily, and when her guard was down from believing he had surrendered, threw her to the ground while snatching one of her blades. As she caught her breath back she found herself pinned under him, a blade now at her own throat as he lay above her. "Well, looks like I win now," he replied with the faintest smirk on his face. _

"_Oh really?" He involuntarily flinched as her felt her knee press gently to a very tender area of his body. "Well, if you want to keep the possibility of having children, you might want to reconsider that sentiment. Either that or the next time you pin a girl down, make sure you keep her legs away from vulnerable spots."_

"_I'll keep that in mind, though I seriously doubt I could pin another woman."_

"_And why is that?"_

"_Because that would be very un-gentleman-like of me to do that to a lady."_

_Arria scoffed. "You are hardly a gentleman."_

"_Just like you are hardly a lady, so like I say, I think this is going to be the only time I pin a woman." He made a put upon sigh, and looked at her with the deep brown eyes which always sent her heart racing. "Shall we call this one a draw?"_

_She sighed dramatically in reply. "I guess we must." He rolled off her and rested there, waiting as she curled up on his chest as she always did. The closeness helped to comfort both of them with what lay ahead. "When is your Rite of Mastery?"_

"_Four days from now. And yours?"_

"_I have another month until mine. It almost seems bizarre that we are actually going to become masters of our arts so soon."_

"_You will become a Master Dancer, while I will be a Master Guardian. We've come a long way since that scuffle on our first day."_

_She chuckled heartily. "Yeah, the day I broke your nose and wounded your pride at the same time."_

_He sighed deeply. "I never thought I'd live it down that I was bested by a woman, girl at that stage, though considering how many times you have beaten me since, I suppose I've come to terms with that shame."_

_Arria looked up at him incredulously. "Seven years later and you are still smarting about that? We were 14 at the time!"_

"_Doesn't mean I didn't have my pride by then."_

_She laughed. "At that point you needed your pride taken a few notches Mr Loner. You didn't make any friends because you were too damn proud and stubborn."_

"_And what does that make you, since you broke through?"_

"_Even more stubborn than you." He laughed quietly, one of the few times he ever did since he had joined the Guard. Even smiles were rare from him, but he reserved them almost exclusively for her. The one person who had got past all the bitterness and hurt, the one person he felt a genuine connection with. "Tomerre?" He turned towards her as she looked at him unsure. "We'll be okay, right? I mean, we don't know what's coming, but we'll be there together, yeah?"_

_Tomerre gave her a gentle smile that almost made her heart melt. "Yeah, together. Along with your pain in the ass brother, the mages and your little sister." She elbowed him sharply, winding him slightly even through the armour, at which he chuckled. Arria laughed quietly with him, quieting as he placed a feather light kiss on her forehead, stealing her breath away from her. "You brought me back from the darkness, and I promise to shield you from it. Now and forever."_

_She sighed contentedly and curled up to sleep on his chest. All was right in the world, and soon they would be masters of their arts. Life couldn't be any better._

* * *

An unwanted tear made its way down her cheek as she remembered their last moments together. Such happiness was now denied to her, and it was justified. For her failure to save them, she deserved to be forever alone. It was only now as awareness came back to her that she noticed Cailan looking at her with a mix of horror and sadness. She was mystified at what would cause such a look, but it was not long before the King returned to her side, but Duncan was instead leaving to return to his tent. Her nerves kicked in and she had to suppress an involuntary tremor at being left along with the King, not knowing his intention.

He faced her and looked deep into her eyes. "Arria, Duncan has told me of what happened to you. How he found you as Howe's prisoner, and only a miniscule amount of the torture you endured, I am sure." Her eyes widened impossibly and she was about to bolt when Cailan gently took her hands in his. "Howe's murder of the Couslands was treacherous enough, but to know he would do such things to a person; and for you to have survived the ordeal as you have is nothing short of miraculous. I swear to you, upon my honour as King of Ferelden, when the darkspawn are no more, I will turn my full army upon Arl Howe and see him brought down. And then, once that is done, I will help you search for whoever remains of your people. I will pull every string I know of, I will call upon all those loyal to me, and I may even be able to call upon Empress Celene for help. We will see your people restored, and welcomed as either citizens or a territory under our protection."

Tears once again sprung to her eyes, but she clamped down on them hard before collapsing upon on knee rather harshly before the King. "I cannot thank you enough, Your Majesty. I do not feel worthy of such aid for my sins."

Cailan guided her back to her feet. "Whatever sin you believe you have committed, it is not true. If you believe you have failed your people, you are wrong. You will be their salvation to a new life. When this is over, we have much to discuss and plan." She nodded in acceptance and bit on her tongue to stop the tears of shame springing to her eyes. She still believed she was not worthy, but would keep that to herself. Her guilt should not stop what little of her people, if any remained, from getting the aid they required. She found it hard to believe that any could have survived the devastation since it was by pure fluke she had lived. "I am holding a war council tonight, and I would like you to join us, once you have completed the Joining." She nodded in affirmation to the King. "Now, I believe I should not keep you any longer. Duncan will be waiting for you I am sure. Take heart, lady Arria. I believe your survival was a gift to us, and I hope you will come to see that as well. Until we meet again."

Arria walked back to Duncan in slight shock. While she thought she would be furious at him for revealing her secrets, the King's reaction had caused it to be replaced with gratitude and guilt. All her past failings were coming to a head at once and she was having difficulty in seeing past them to what good she could do in the future. But Cailan had seen something within her, something that warranted trusting her, and though she doubted herself dearly, she couldn't exactly refuse a King.

No, she would just have to live up to his expectations, though where she should begin she had no clue. "I would suggest you place your belongings in a safe location before you head off." Duncan's voice brought her back to reality with a jolt. She nodded to him before gathering the sack with her old armour and carrying it to a distant corner of the camp. The base of a removed statue remained there, and was loose on the ground. With a small push it moved away enough to reveal that there was a hollow in the ground beneath it. She clutched the sack close to her heart one last time before placing it in the ground and covering it up again with the base. _Until the day comes where once again I am worthy to wear you. _Realistically she didn't think the day would ever come, but the little hope in her heart stopped her from simply selling the armour on. It carried with her the past traces of her previous life, and she wasn't quite willing to move on just yet.

Her return to Duncan coincided with that of Alistair with the new recruits. He grumbled something about Daveth getting into a fight and left it at that. Once introductions were made and their two assignments handed out to the them, the three recruits and Alistair made ready to leave. Just as they were about to leave, however, Duncan called out to both Arria and Alistair, calling them back. "I have one final assignment for the pair of you," he said. "You both heard of the murders of the Couslands from the Highever knight." Neither Duncan nor Alistair missed the shadows of grief and rage that made their way into Arria's eyes. "I have just found out that Fergus Cousland, the new Teryn of Highever, is out in the Korcari Wilds. Your third task is to find him, and bring him back with you. No easy task, but you need to do this. May the Maker watch over you all."

Both of them bowed to Duncan briefly, and Alistair could not help but notice the steely glint in Arria's eyes at the mention of their final task. She felt some personal connection to the Couslands, and although he could not say what it was, he could not forget what had been in her eyes at the mention of Arl Howe. He had the feeling the man had caused great pain to the woman before him, and he was determined to help her, to whatever end that was. There was just something about her that made him not want to let go of her, not now, not ever.

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Please Read and Review! Next installment up shortly :)

Negative Angel


	4. Embracing the Future

Many thanks to **Eve Hawke, **my only reviewer from the last chapter.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa**

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**Chapter 3: Embracing the Future**

They had not ventured far into the Wilds when a pack of wolves had pounced, looking for a quick meal out of the group before them. Daveth had shot down two before they came close, while Jory's blade sliced the heads of two clean from their bodies. Alistair swung out with his shield to knock one unconscious while thrusting his blade into another's heart. The three of them easily dispatched the wild beasts, but when Alistair's attention turned to Arria, he noticed that she hadn't even drawn her blades; three wolves were running away from her at top speed, running as if their lives depended on it. He looked on confused, but then again, this wasn't the first time he had seen animals react strangely around her. _Maybe another one of her chants. Where did she learn this stuff? _Arria's attention switched to him momentarily before she began to walk on, taking no heed of his questioning glance.

Her mind was instead focused on their tasks: three vials of Darkspawn blood, the ancient Grey Warden treaties, and finding Fergus Cousland. Dark thoughts had continued to spin around in her head, and only her determination was stopping them from swallowing her in. The guilt was still deep in her heart, and she dreaded telling Fergus the truth: it was her fault his family was dead. To have to tell him that he was the new Teryn of Highever; that everything he knew and loved was gone… Had her stomach not been so empty, it was very possible she would have thrown up. Since she had been freed, her appetite still had not returned, and she had not missed the concern in Duncan's eye when he had brought up how painfully thin she was. Having survived on barely any food for 8 months, her stomach did not know how to cope with more than a handful of sustenance. Her armour (or lack thereof) was doing little to hide her condition, but so far no-one had directly asked her about it, and until they asked, she felt little need to elaborate.

As they continued on, she caught sight of a patrol, most mauled to death, but one man was still alive. Alistair tended to the man's injuries and gave him a health poultice. It would give him enough strength to make it back to camp, but just before they helped him up, he said something which stopped Arria's movements dead. "Lord Cousland…he went after a pack of Blight wolves with the remainder of our men, hoping to avenge our fallen. I don't know…if he's still alive. Please, can you look for him?"

Arria turned cold eyes to Alistair, daring him to say no. She need not have feared such a response, for he knew how determined she was to find the missing man. "Fear not, we shall search for him. Go, the path will not be open for long." He helped the injured soldier to his feet, then let him be on his way.

"So, yet another task for us to complete, is it? Haven't we got enough to do already?" complained Jory, clearly not amused at the new development.

Alistair noticed as Arria wandered on, clearly not wanting to explain her reasons for her personal mission. He sighed internally: he would have to get the answers out of her at some point. "Why should we not search? We will be in the Wilds for a time yet, and if the man is injured, we may be his only chance of survival. Know this, we will not stay longer than is safe, but we have a duty to help those in need, and if Fergus Cousland is still alive, then we need to search for him."

Arria smiled slightly in relief at Alistair's words. It seemed he really did understand her need to find him, despite not knowing the reasons behind it. She knew his curiosity would soon get the better of him, though when he came asking, he would find no answers. He need not know, not until after her guilt had lessened, or at the very least had been accepted. No, this was far too soon for him to know.

A rustle in the bushes nearby caught her attention, though it went amiss by the three men discussing a few feet away. She approached it cautiously, drawing her blades as she did so. Using one of her daggers, she peeled away the branches, revealing a small squirrel hidden away, munching on some food. It was with slight disgust she realised that the poor thing was eating a bone, probably mutated from years of evolution in the swamp; and she didn't even want to think as to where that bone came from.

As she pulled away however, that was when she sensed it coming, and so did Alistair.

She tumbled away towards an archway as an arrow just missed her head by inches, taking off at a run towards the Genlocks firing at her. Alistair ran to join her, though Jory and Daveth were a bit slower in following: leaving her to face the three Hurlocks headed her way alone. As one swung out wildly with its blade, Arria flipped backwards and kicked the sword right out of its hands. With the momentary distraction, as she returned to her feet she launched forwards and slashed both her blades from the middle of its throat out, killing it instantly. The other two roared their displeasure and charged her, though she was far too quick. As they slashed out: one high and one low, she gracefully spun between both strikes and stabbed both in retaliation. One quick slash out ended both of their lives in a bloody mess, but the archers behind were still a danger.

Arria rolled away behind a boulder as a volley headed towards her, and he timely arrival of Alistair with his shield helped to provide further cover. Jory pressed on, slashing at any arrows which he met on the way while Daveth returned fire of his own, though with much greater accuracy than that of the darkspawn. A few seconds later, Arria and Alistair left the cover of the rocks and went to help Jory. He had been pinned behind a tree as the flurry of arrows had become too intense. The Grey Warden used his shield to great effect, leaving arrows to bounce off it as he made headway, while Arria darted in between trees and arrows alike to give her a path. Alistair soon found that even with his shield, the arrows were too many to get any closer, and instead concentrated on Arria's movements: watching in amazement at the way she danced through the trees.

She scaled the rock-face next to the six Genlocks and launched herself from the top. The darkspawn were not expecting an assault from above, and thus could not stop her. Arria drove her blades into the back of the nearest Genlock as she fell, using the momentum of the strike to roll into a safe landing. Before she had even returned to her feet, she wrenched the daggers free and threw them into the necks of two others. Now aware of her presence, the other three turned their attention to her, giving Alistair and Jory their chance. As Arria returned to the safety of the trees the two men charged forward, Alistair felling one with his shield before striking the killer blow. Jory swung out with his greatsword and decapitated another as Daveth's arrows finally struck home, slaying the final one.

Since the area was now clear, Arria returned to retrieve her blades: still embedded in the throats of two Genlocks. She pulled a rag of cloth from her belt and began to clean them, taking note of Jory and Daveth moving away towards some of the other corpses. As Alistair approached her, she noticed he slight wonderment in his gaze. Clearly her fighting style had surprised him. "Well," he started. "I've never seen anyone fight quite like that. Now I see the lack of amour isn't a distraction technique."

Arria couldn't help but laugh. "You thought me not having that much armour was a distraction technique?"

Alistair blushed slightly, and Arria found his awkwardness quite cute. "Well, you know, a woman barely concealing herself in probably some of the lightest armour I've ever seen is bound to get a few men's minds off a fight, though I doubt it would help against darkspawn. I did wonder about it before, but now I see that you need the freedom of movement."

She smiled slightly. "Yes, armour is very restrictive. I was taught to dodge and use my natural flexibility to fight, rather than charge in with a blade. How can someone hope to strike you if you are too quick for them?"

"Fair point. So, what are you then? An acrobat?"

A chuckle was his answer. "No. I am a Dancer."

"That's no kind of dancing I've ever seen."

"There is more than one kind of Dancer. It was an art I was taught long ago, using the natural rhythm of your body to amplify your movement, and to spot your opponents."

"So, not only are you extremely fast and flexible, but you can also predict attacks?"

"Put simply, yes."

Alistair whistled. "That's pretty neat. Can you teach it to others?"

She grinned mischievously. "Don't tell me you want to learn how to become a Dancer?"

As he blushed furiously, she burst out laughing. "NO! Not for me, but for others. Your skills are pretty unique, I bet they'd be helpful for an army to have warriors with that talent."

The playfulness in Arria's eyes dimmed a little. _I suppose it is a unique skill set now…_ "Maybe, I have never taught it before, but I suppose I could try sometime."

He didn't fail to notice that change in her: it was subtle, but he was good with people, and he suspected he had just struck a painful memory. _Great, maybe not the best time to ask this, but since she is actually talking…_ "Arria, why are you so determined to find Fergus Cousland?"

The iciness which hit her blue eyes nearly caused him to step back in shock, but he stood firm. She sharply turned her back to him, trying to reign herself in. He sighed, realising that was probably not the right moment to push, and started walking away to re-join Jory and Daveth when her voice stopped him dead. "It's my fault." He faced her again, confusion written all over his face, not that she could see it. Her back was still turned towards him, hiding her face. Both fury and guilt were threatening to burst forth, and despite her silent declaration earlier, she could not help but reveal herself to the man before her. Something about him stirred a trust she had not felt since another lifetime. "What do you know of Duncan's travel plans before he found me?"

"I didn't know anything. He simply told me he was heading north, and when he sent word that he was returning with you from Amaranthine, I assumed he'd finished his mission."

"If only…Alistair, Duncan was heading to Highever. I was a detour, once he found me he was satisfied and returned here with me."

"But what does that have to do with the Couslands? It's not as if-" Alistair stopped himself, finally seeing the pieces fit together.

"Duncan had to make a choice: saving me or visiting the Couslands. He chose me, and because of that, Fergus Cousland is the last of their line. I need to make sure that I help restore him to his rightful place. I owe him that much. Nothing I do will absolve me of that sin, but I can try to make up for it."

"Arria…" Alistair came up behind her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. He didn't grasp it, but pulled her to face him gently, gasping as he say the myriad of emotions within her eyes. Sadness, shame, guilt, fury…All of it was shining through. It was almost as if her soul was being laid bare for him to see, and it threatened to overwhelm him. Without really thinking, he brought his hand up to stroke her cheek gently. He could see the insecurity in her gaze, as well as a small tinge of fear, but was determined to show her the _truth_. "Arria, you are not to blame. Neither you nor Duncan were to know what would occur at Highever. Why should you have been sacrificed for their sakes? Even if Duncan had been there, he may not have made a difference: he may have died right alongside them. Please, do not believe that you are the reason they are dead. Arl Howe is responsible for that atrocity, and he will pay for it." He could see the want to accept his words, but something was stopping her. "Why can't you see that you are worth something too?"

She wanted to look away, his piercing gaze almost too much to take, but the genuine care there stopped her. She _wanted _to believe him, but after all she had seen, felt and lost… "_Everything_, and _everyone_ I know…I've seen it die before my eyes. It just feels that…Maybe more would survive were I not to taint it. Maybe if I were not to exist anymore-"

"Stop! Just stop…" It was now, that something occurred to Alistair. "Arria, you said that Duncan had the choice to save you, but save you from what?"

A gasp escaped her throat and she retreated from his touch as if it had burned her. Her walls shot back up and shut him out; with a quick spin on her heels she marched off, determined to find Fergus and not think of what she had just unintentionally revealed. It was bad enough that two men knew of her shame. She would not make it a third.

Alistair was shocked at the sudden change, but realised he must have unwittingly touched on a _very _sore subject. He hadn't seen that kind of aggression from her, but then again he hadn't even known her a day yet. The pair of them had talked for a bit before their return to the camp, and he had warmed to her. She had come across as witty, confident and worldly wise. Now though…he had just seen a fragile, afraid and ashamed young woman, who looked as if she was waiting for another tragedy to strike her. And the minute he had asked about what happened before, she had snapped around like a fierce beast fighting for survival, hell-bent on keeping the secret.

Jory and Daveth re-joined him moments later, and the three of them jogged to catch up with Arria. Alistair's thoughts continued to spin tumultuously as he tried to unravel the mystery of the new recruit. One thing was for sure, he had underestimated just how complex she was.

* * *

Arria's mind was snapped back to their current situation when Alistair called out to her gently. She rounded on him sharply, still furious over her earlier blunder, but her eyes softened when she saw what it was that he had summoned her for.

A flower. The flower which would save the Mabari hound back at the camp. She smiled brightly at the thought of saving the dog, and her dark mood was temporarily banished. When she turned to Alistair, joy visible as a part of her for the first time, he could not help but smile back earnestly. Like a giddy school girl she wrapped the flower up carefully and slipped it into the small pouch on her waist. With one of her personal goals now completed, she hoped to soon complete the other with new hope in her heart.

She turned back to thank Alistair when she felt a familiar tug in the air around her. _Magic._ Alistair too must have sensed something for his eyes darted back past her, and she spun to follow his line of sight, just spotting the danger in time. "Split!" she cried. Jory and Daveth threw themselves behind a tree while Alistair grabbed her and pulled her down, covering her body with his own as the fire blast went off above them, the shield placed strategically over their heads shielding them from most of the damage. He hissed in pain as a few burns made themselves known, but with Arria's help he managed to drag himself behind a boulder just before a burst of lightning shot past them. "Since when can darkspawn use magic?" she grumbled in annoyance.

"Emissaries are a pain in the ass," Alistair hissed back through the pain. She shot him a questioning, yet slightly concerned glance. "Just a little cindered, nothing that bad." He glanced around their hiding place and saw a large group of darkspawn gathering behind the Emissary. "Damn, we need to take it out before the rest of them overwhelm us."

Another flame blast detonated in the clearing between where the two groups were hiding. They all covered their faces to try to block out the heat, but they could not do much. Alistair was right: that Emissary had to go. Arria turned her eyes upwards, seeing the ruins of the arches either side of the bridge; a plan forming in her mind. "Alistair, get ready to charge the minute I take that thing down." Before he had the chance to ask her how she was going to do it, Arria had dashed off beyond the cover of the rock, but not back in the line of fire. He watched in confusion as he saw her run towards another, taller, boulder and his confusion grew when he saw her run up it and use it as a launch point to jump into a tree. Only when she managed to flip herself onto the ruined structure did he finally see her plan. A quick glance at Jory and Daveth signalled for them to ready themselves and the two did so, drawing their weapons as they all watched Arria creep her way along the ruins, desperate not to attract attention to herself.

She crouched low to the stonework and shifted along, hoping not to be seen before she could strike. Just as she moved into an ideal position, an archer down below spied her. It cried out as only darkspawn knew how, and the Emissary switched its attention to her. Arria threw one of her blades in desperation before throwing herself off the structure in an attempt to dodge the lightning sent at her. Now that they were free to move, the three men joined her in the fray, slashing and cutting down all darkspawn in their path. As Alistair rushed in, he noticed the Emissary was still alive: badly wounded from Arria's dagger, but still breathing. A slash across the throat ended it.

Arria was a little shaky on her feet as the remnants of the lightning rippled through her. While not having taken a direct hit, the resulting waves from the impact had, and left all her muscles incredibly tense and stiff. She cursed quietly, not used to having her movement so restricted but her attention was drawn by Alistair calling out to her and throwing back her dagger. She snatched the blade out of the air and drew her other one, joining the other three in slaying the darkspawn.

The battle was over quickly, and soon the darkspawn were no more. Jory sat down on the loose ground of the swamp exhausted, and Daveth started to tease him. Alistair rolled his eyes at the two of them, but would not deny them the break; that battle had been far too close a call. As he turned to see if Arria was all right, he noticed that her attention was drawn to something just over the crest of a hill. When she began walking off, he hesitated only slightly before following her. It was only now, once the battle had finished that either of them had noticed the other bodies in the area: the remains of Fergus' patrol. The sinking feeling in both their stomachs grew as they crossed the threshold and found a small darkspawn camp, but among the multitude of corpses, Arria gasped in horror at the armour of one. She ran forward and tried to clear as much of the muck off his face as she could, begging that she was wrong. Her fears were confirmed when she finally got a good look.

Fergus Cousland.

A scream began welling up inside her as she realised the man was not long dead, his body still warm. She clenched her fist tightly and began shaking with suppressed sobs; yet another person she had failed to save. An arm was lain gently across he shoulders while a hand rubbed her right arm gently, encouraging her to let the emotion out. She turned tearful eyes towards Alistair and soon rested her head against his shoulder, letting a few tears fall.

He sat there with her, allowing her the chance to release some much needed emotional energy. She had been holding it all back since arriving at Ostagar, and now she finally lost some of it. His right hand continued to rub her arm reassuringly while his left came up to stroke her hair. Though his curiosity was still gnawing away inside, he knew he would have to wait to find out more of her. What she needed now was this shoulder to cry on, not a nosy soldier prying into her past again.

A few minutes had passed when she finally pulled away, giving him an apologetic smile. "You needed it," was all he said in reply before helping her back to her feet. "We still have one mission to accomplish, we shall return for him once we have the treaties. There is nothing more we can do for now." She simply nodded sadly in affirmation as she wandered away, still lost in the myriad of emotions. Alistair's eyes followed her sadly, hoping that she could find some inner peace. No matter what she believed, this wasn't her fault.

* * *

When they had finally reached the cache, not only had it been empty, but a witch had approached them, asking who they were. The three men had argued amongst themselves and with her, and Arria watched on almost amused at the exchange. They really were dim sometimes. "You there," Arria snapped back to attention as the witch addressed her directly for the first time. "Women do not frighten like little boys. Tell me your name, and I shall tell you mine."

Arria bowed her head slightly, as she had always been taught to do when introducing herself. "I am Arria."

The witch responded in the same way. "And I am Morrigan. Come then, what is your purpose here?"

"We are searching for the ancient treaties of the Grey Wardens."

"Well, such trinkets are no longer here, nor have they been here for a long time."

"You! You stole them didn't you! They are Grey Warden property, I would suggest that you return them immediately," hissed Alistair, a hardness in his voice Arria hadn't heard before. She guessed he didn't care much for witches.

"I will not, for it was not I who took them."

Arria looked at her closely, and saw no lie in Morrigan's words. "Then who did take them?"

"Twas my mother, in fact."

"Will you take us to her, then?"

Morrigan looked on at the woman before her, mildly impressed. "Hmm, I like you. You are unafraid."

Arria chuckled. "Of confrontation? Or of you?"

Morrigan laughed heartily in response. "Come then, follow me if it pleases you."

After she had jumped down from the keep, Daveth spoke up. "Hold on, we're not really going to follow her, are we? She'll throw us in a pot!"

Arria faced him. "We seem to have little choice. If she is telling the truth, then this is our only chance to get the treaties." He grumbled in resignation and followed along with the others, still not trusting the witch.

His fears were unfounded, and the treaties were returned my Morrigan's mother with no fuss. As Morrigan began to lead them back to the camp, Arria requested instead to be guided back to the keep. "You wish something more from my Wilds?" the witch asked of her.

"No, there is a…body there which I must bring back with me," she replied coldly.

"Better to leave it to the wolves. What is it now but a hunk of meat?"

Arria rounded on the witch angrily. "You may not follow our traditions, but he was one or our people, and he deserves a proper burial. We are no more concern of yours, let us do as we please."

Morrigan regarded her curiously. It seemed she had just answered their earlier question. Arria was afraid neither of confrontation, nor of the witch herself. Morrigan nodded her head in acceptance and led them back to the keep before vanishing, leaving the Wardens to their business.

* * *

When the four of them made it back to camp, Duncan had been waiting for them. He sighed sadly at the sight of the body being carried on the back of Alistair, and turned his gaze to Arria. She barely met his eyes before going back to the Keeper with the flower from the Wilds. The man had been overjoyed and began his treatment of the Mabari immediately. When he mentioned possibly imprinting the hound onto her, she was surprised but accepted the offer. It would be good to have a permanent companion again.

As she returned to Duncan's tent, Alistair met her halfway. "We are building a pyre for Fergus. I thought you would want to be there." While she would not quite get the words out, she nodded instead. He left again without another word, and she trudged behind him slowly, not looking forward to the task ahead of her.

His sending off had been a quiet affair. Only Duncan, Alistair, the recruits and Cailan had been there. The king had surprised them all by joining the company, but since he had been the only one there to know the man personally, it had seemed fitting. A messenger had summoned Cailan away not too long before the fires began to burn out, and with an apology he left them to join Loghain for a last briefing before the war meeting. When he had departed, Duncan faced the rest of them, the fire behind him giving an eerie backdrop. "Now that we have all the vials of darkspawn blood, we can begin the Joining. When you are all ready, come to the old temple, but do not tarry. We do not have much time before the battle tonight."

Everyone had been eager to see the Joining completed, so all four of them headed straight to the temple, once there though, nerves seemed to kick in for Jory, and Daveth was beginning to have enough of it. "Are you blubbering again?"

"Have I not done enough? Have I not earned my place? I do not see the point of all this."

"I swear, I'm the bravest one here and I'm a woman," responded Arria in annoyance. Alistair could not help but silently agree. The two of them continued to argue about things until Duncan finally arrived, and explained the Joining. The reactions varied at the news that people could die at the Joining, but it was too late to turn back now.

Daveth went first, but his luck didn't hold. He drank the blood, but the Taint killed him before he could overcome it. When Jory's turn came, his refusal to take the Joining led to Duncan killing him. Both Arria and Alistair looked on in mild horror at the turn of events, but when Duncan offered her the cup, she did not hesitate.

This was it, she would either be reborn as a Grey Warden, or die. Either way, it was better than what she was now. As the blood slipped down her throat, she began to feel the Taint coursing through her. She fought back against it as best she could, but it began to overwhelm her.

As she slipped into unconsciousness, she heard the roar of a dragon: the calling of her future.

* * *

You know the drill people! Next part up soon.

Negative Angel


	5. The Survivor's Curse

Oh wow, I cannot believe how much support this story is getting! Thank you so much to everyone who favourite/followed, but special thanks must go to **Eve Hawke**, **Musicalrain**, and **FenZev**, my lovely reviewers! I feel like I'm on a roll at the moment, so I'm going to run with it and see where it takes me.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Survivor's Curse**

Alistair watched Arria carefully as her body continued to shake. Even after passing out, the Taint was still trying to overcome her. He hadn't yet seen it from the other side, and realised this was what must have happened to him at his Joining. He had gone first at his own one, thus had not awakened till it had been decided who lived and who perished. Only one had died at his own Joining, and it had been in the same manner as Daveth, though the struggle had gone on for much longer.

Finally her body stilled, but the steady rise and fall of her chest confirmed that she was alive. Alistair let out a small sigh of relief as Duncan wandered over to her. He very carefully picked her up and carried her towards Alistair, offering her to the younger man. "Take her back to the tent and stay with her until she awakens. She was still weak when she took the Joining, so it may be minutes, or an hour before she wakes. Nightmares may flood into her mind, and I think she will need a listening ear to the terrors she sees." Sadly, Duncan thought that her more terrifying nightmares may not be of the darkspawn, but of her own memories. He had seen her thrash about as she fought them more than once on their travels, and he honestly thought they would be what haunted her more.

Alistair held his arms out for her and was beyond shocked at how light she was. No wonder Duncan had been handling her like glass, from how little she weighed he thought he might break her just from holding too tight! He turned conflicted eyes to Duncan, knowing what he wanted to ask, but not if he should. Only one word came to mind. "How?" _How did she come to be like this?_

The older man could not quite look him in the eyes, so instead let them drift to her limp form. "She has suffered greatly, and needs not only a friend, but a protector. What little pride she has left would never let her ask it of you, but it is what she needs."

Alistair could see that Duncan would not tell him anymore: if he was to find out the truth, it would have to be from Arria herself. He took his leave as Duncan headed off to meet with Cailan before their final war meeting. On the way back to the tent, Alistair finally took his first serious look at the woman before him.

She had very pale skin, almost white, and he wondered how it was possible for it to be so pale with all the travelling he suspected she had done. It was almost as if the sun had barely touched it. His eyes skinned down to her abdomen, and up close, he could now see faint white lines criss-crossing over the skin. He suspected they were battle scars since she clearly did not wear armour over her stomach, but his instincts were leaning towards a slightly darker truth. As he re-entered the tent, he placed the slumbering new Warden on the bedroll, watching as she curled up slightly. With his hands now free, he traced one of the faint lines, and felt his heart nearly break at her subconscious reaction. She curled up tightly, and uttered the tiniest whimper.

"Please, no…"

At that moment Alistair wanted to cause serious harm to whoever had done this to her. It was clear now the scars were from torture, and it had left a deep impression on her. Like Duncan had said, she had suffered more than anyone of her years should have faced. She couldn't be any older than he was, yet she seemed to have the experience of one twice her age. Duncan was right: she needed a friend and protector, and he was hoping in these coming months he could fill that role. If she was to survive this Blight, she would need all of her strength and heart, and for now, it seemed both were in pieces, torn apart by past tragedies. "You won't be alone; I will be your shield, I promise you…" He quietly declared in the emptiness of the tent. Arria had stirred a protective instinct within him, and he was determined to see it through.

Arria's eyes shot open in the way that all new Wardens did, seeing but not truly seeing at all. He knew what vision she was having: the Archdemon. Wardens who joined outside of a Blight, like he did, saw visions of past Archdemons being slain; a reminder of their duty. Those who joined during a Blight, like Arria, saw the current Archdemon, a symbol of the destiny they must complete else all of Thedas be lost. It took a few seconds for the haze to clear from her eyes, allowing her at last to become aware of her surroundings again. She became very aware that only Alistair was with her, and that they were inside a tent. Her body became momentarily rigid, but she soon realised that nothing had happened: he had simply been waiting for her to wake up. She exhaled deeply as she sat up, and noticed him looking at her with sad eyes. Curious blue eyes tried to decipher his amber ones, but he soon spoke and diverted her attention. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like a pride demon just swiped me into a wall," she replied sarcastically, but inside knew it to be true. She knew just what it felt like.

"Okaaaaay…not the answer I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?"

"I'm not sure, just not that." When she smirked in reply, he kept his face as neutral as possible. He could see it now: the deep insecurity and fear in her eyes. He had been paying attention before, but now it was plain as day. She may not be consciously aware of it, but she was afraid of him. "I'm sure that Duncan will want to see you, now that you have woken. He was meeting the King, so he will be in the Old Temple." Without another word, he left her in the tent.

Arria watched him leave sadly, wondering if shutting him out earlier had led to that, almost awkward, exchange. It seemed as if he was trying to decipher his emotions, and though she knew that feeling well enough, she could not help but be confused as to what would give him that pause. It could have been possible that Duncan had told him things while she had been out of it, but she trusted the older man would not have revealed anything more of her. She was now sure that the only reason Duncan had told Cailan was because he had trusted the King to help her, and help her he had. While so far all he had given her was a promise, it was a promise of a future. A hope that maybe she wouldn't have to hide who she was anymore, and maybe even be able to embrace it again.

She stood and left the tent, but as she was walking to the meeting it finally hit her. She was Grey Warden now, she had survived the Joining. A part of her cried out in despair, having wanted to at last join her friends and family in death, but the other part of her realised that it was probably meant to be. She had a new purpose now, and she would give her whole being to that cause. The Wardens were her home now. Her thoughts couldn't help but turn to Jory and Daveth. Both had fallen on the path she had tread, and now that she had made it, her heart reached out to the two men. It was a harsh world, where people died every day. Unfortunately for them, they were two of its chosen to perish on this day.

It made her wonder after this battle was done, how many more there would be.

The meeting was already underway when she joined them, with Cailan and Loghain arguing over the involvement of the Orlesians. She took her place beside Duncan as she thought herself over possible Orlesian involvement. She had no quarrel with Orlais, they had never involved themselves with Nileesa, so thus had never influenced the fate of her homeland. The Fereldens however…it was clear between Cailan and Loghain what difference a generation made. Loghain was dead set against any "help" coming from them, whereas Cailan was looking to forge an alliance with them. The pair were at loggerheads over the issue, but the King finally lost patience and turned to Duncan, looking for the familiar counsel of the older Grey Warden. Once he had confirmed that the Wardens were ready, the King turned to Arria and smiled at her warmly. She could not help but smile in return and bow her head in thanks. "It is good to see you here, my lady," spoke Cailan. "The Wardens are very lucky to have someone with your skills fighting at their side, as am I."

The honesty in his words warmed heart. "Thank you, Your Majesty."

Loghain was clearly not impressed at Cailan's actions. "Your fascination with myths and legends will be your downfall, Cailan." The King winked at her and she barely suppressed a blush. It was clear he thought of her as a warrior of myth, and hoped to learn more of her in the future. She was beyond flattered, and her confidence soared. Duncan let loose a small smile as he watched the interactions between them. Cailan was doing wonders for Arria's healing process, and was sure between he and Alistair, the two of them would help her recover beautifully.

Cailan turned back to Loghain and shrugged, clearly fed up of him. "Fine, speak your strategy then." They recounted the plan: drawing the darkspawn into a head-on assault with the Wardens while Loghain's men flanked them, forcing them into a battle on two fronts. It was a sound plan, but when she heard that the King would be fighting alongside the Wardens, she grew uneasy. "Does anyone have anything to add?" Cailan saw the troubled look in Arria's eye. "Lady Arria?" Her eyes snapped up from the table to meet his in surprise. "You have experience of battle, do you think this strategy sufficient?"

Loghain's gaze was positively icy, but she was unafraid. "The plan is good, Your Majesty, but I agree with Teryn Loghain. It is dangerous for you to join us on the battlefield. Would you not be better to be a part of his forces, to flank the darkspawn?"

The King admired her honesty, even though it would not be considered proper to speak her mind. "What king would I be were I not to lead my people? If I do not lead by example, how could I ask them to follow me? No, on the frontlines is where I should be." Arria bowed apologetically in response. "Unlike the rest of the Wardens, however, you shall not be there." She stood back to her full height sharply, surprised at his announcement. "I have a very special mission for you, and for Alistair. I need the both of you to light the beacon in the Tower of Ishal. Without that beacon, Loghain's men will not know when to charge." Arria wanted to argue back against it, but realised this was neither the time nor the place to do such a thing, settled for nodding instead. Maybe a plea to Duncan could get Cailan to change his mind.

The meeting wrapped up soon after, but Cailan asked for a private word with Arria. She waited behind as the other moved off, and stared back defiantly when Loghain glared at her: clearly the man took issue with her. "I apologise for Loghain's attitude towards you," she turned back to the King, who had an irritated look on his face. "It should be directed at me, not you."

"Why? What have you done to annoy him?"

"Teryn Loghain, is in fact my father-in-law, and things aren't the best between myself and my wife, his daughter, Anora. I think he has suspected for a while that I am planning to leave Anora, and I get the impression he thinks you are my new choice."

"Oh." Arria felt both flattered and terrified at the same time. While she felt the tiniest bit of pride in being a woman at the thought of Cailan wanting her, just the thought of any serious physical interaction...

"Don't worry, my lady, that is not the case." He must have sensed her alarm, and her nerves calmed ever so slightly. "While you are, indeed, a very beautiful woman, I have chosen my new bride to be, though I fear it would incite a lot of fury from my people, Loghain being one of them. I just wish we could put old grudges aside for a stronger future: one with powerful allies at our side."

"Empress Celene, she is who you choose." Cailan turned shocked eyes to the woman before him. _How could she have known? I haven't breathed a word of this to anyone, save Celene herself. _He looked slightly deeper into her blue eyes, and saw a wisdom there beyond her years.

"While I am completely stunned at your perceptiveness, may I ask how you could have guessed that?"

"You said you wanted to build a future with strong allies, but that old grudges may hold you back. I can only think of the Orlesians occupation of Ferelden to be what could possibly be the case, and as to truly solidifying a strong ally, you would need to marry someone of power within Orlais. Besides, from the way you spoke of your interactions with the Empress earlier, I thought the two of you must already have been on close terms."

Cailan regarded Arria in a new light from her deductions. "Arria, how old are you?"

"22."

The king laughed. "A woman eight years younger than I am to see in hours what it took me months to figure out."

She smiled sadly. "I have been there myself, and remember the indecision well. Do I do what is right by me, or by what others perceive?"

"Yes, well I wouldn't normally consider leaving Anora, but she is the same age as me and yet to produce an heir. We have been together several years now, and I have more than one person advising me to find a new wife. Whether Celene would have been their first choice I can only guess." He turned and saw the sad, melancholy look on her face. "You lost someone dear to you, didn't you?"

She laughed bitterly. "I lost everything I valued, Your Majesty."

"No, I mean you lost someone who held your heart." She blinked back tears, trying to banish the unwanted feelings which resurfaced after being buried for so long. "Did they ever know?"

"I…I think he might have guessed. And more than once I thought he may have felt the same way too, but we were torn apart before I truly had the chance to find out. The fact I wasted so much time deliberating over whether to risk our friendship for something more will one of my greatest regrets." She remembered his promise, the last time they were together: to protect her. He had died before she could even comprehend what he had shared with her, and now he was gone. Now, someone else had sworn to protect her, and he had barely known her half a day. Why? Hadn't he seen he was better off leaving her to whatever the future might have held for her?

She thought back, and they were similar. She just hoped that Alistair wouldn't share his fate; she didn't know how much more loss she could take.

Cailan could see her thoughts swirling, and decided to change the subject. "I take it you were not pleased that I am sending you to the tower?"

"I am surprised by the decision, yes."

"I need people I trust in the tower, just in case something goes wrong. You are a quick thinker and a survivor, you are one of the best I have."

Arria pulled back in shock. "You don't honestly think that something will happen, do you?"

Cailan smirked back. "Of course not, you said it yourself that the plan is good." He soon dropped all the bravado, and looked at her seriously. "But the victory is not assured. If something were to go wrong…"

She then saw his plan: they were his insurance. If the rest of the Wardens were to fall, they would be all that was left. Her initial misgivings were instantly forgotten. "Of course, my King," she bowed before him.

His heart warmed at her pledge, and he took her hands in his own. "I can only hope I am a King worthy of your loyalty."

"You have already done so much, that I give it willingly."

"All you have so far is a promise."

"But I also have hope, for the first time in over a year. And you haven't given me just any promise, but a promise of a future."

A horn sounded above them, signalling the approach of the darkspawn. Cailan pulled away and turned hard eyes to the horizon. She followed his gaze, and saw the burning forest left in their path. "It is starting. Go, Duncan and Alistair need you." He took her hand once more, and lay a feather light kiss to the back of it. At her unsure expression, he smiled warmly in response. "For luck."

Arria's heart threatened to burst at the man's kindness, and despite what may be considered proper, she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his cheek, as a thank you. Cailan was initially surprised but put an arm around her back, giving the lonely woman before him some much needed assurance. "Mi tenara sis aloen." He pulled back and looked at her curiously. She smiled in reply. "The blessings of my people. It means 'May your heart guide you home'."

He bowed his head in thanks before leaving, beginning his preparations for the battle ahead. As her eyes followed him, she thought of the royal family in Nileesa. Cailan reminded her of their ruler at the time the nation fell: he was noble, kind, and treated all as equals. It was a quality that seemed to be sadly lacking in other members of Ferelden nobility from what she had seen; but she had genuine hope that he could change that in the years of his rule ahead. He was a young king, he had time yet.

Both Duncan and Alistair had been waiting for her, and neither failed to notice the joy in her eyes as she approached. Whatever Cailan had told her had lightened her spirit significantly, but the ever present shadows were still there: her healing had only just begun. When she finally stopped beside Alistair, Duncan addressed both of them. "You heard the plan: the two of you will go to the Tower of Ishal, and light the beacon. Alistair will know the signal."

"What? I won't be in the battle?" Arria was sure that she could hear the tiniest bit of frustration in Alistair's voice.

"This is by the King's personal request, Alistair."

"He wants a pair of Grey Wardens holding a torch?" He turned pleading eyes to Arria. "How can you be content with this?"

"I'm not Alistair, but the King…has his reasons."

Alistair sighed in annoyance. Clearly Cailan had told her something when they were alone, but having no idea what was frustrating him to no end. "I get it, I get it." He turned back to Duncan, and defaulted back to his usual sarcastic approach. "Just so you know, if he asks me to put on a dress and dance the Remigold, I'm drawing the line."

Arria stifled a laugh. "I think I'd like to see that."

He turned back to her with his familiar smile in place. "For you, maybe. But it would have to be a pretty dress."

Duncan would have sighed in exasperation were it not for Arria's giggling. If the man managed to bring her out by being an idiot, then so be it. At least it brought some light back to her eyes, for however short a time. "Then I must take my leave. The rest is up to the two of you." Duncan left the two of them alone by the fire, waiting for the first strikes to hit. As she watched Alistair pacing impatiently, it was clear that she was not meant to have heard his declaration as she drifted back to consciousness in the tent, and it was leaving her with conflicted feelings. While she was thankful to have someone watching her back, everyone who got too close to her got themselves killed. She hoped that maybe her survivor's curse would finally be broken and someone could stay by her side at long last.

When a catapult sailed overhead and crashed into the camp behind them, Alistair finally turned to her, a determined look in his eye. "Ready?"

She nodded. "Let's go."

* * *

Their journey to the top of the tower had been anything but easy when the darkspawn had taken over. The mage and soldier who had accompanied them had been a great help, and they had not faced anything beyond them as they scaled the many floors.

That changed however when the found the ogre waiting for them on the top floor. How it had managed to get there was anyone's guess, but lighting the beacon was going to be impossible until it was gone. Both Wardens were painfully aware of time slipping away from them as the battle raged on the plains below and knew that time was almost up. Their own forces could not hold much longer.

The mage had retreated to a safe distance back as the other soldier rushed towards the ogre, oblivious to the danger. When the great beast simply swatted him away like a fly he went crashing into a wall at top speed, before dropping to the ground dead. The mage launched a fireball at the beast and it exploded just in front of it. Alistair and Arria had held their position, waiting to see what it would do next. What they hadn't expected was a blind charge. Arria rolled away to her right while Alistair just managed to dive away enough that his shield took the brunt of the blow. He roared and caught the beast's attention, giving Arria an opening slash at its legs in an attempt to halt its movement. Instead, it kicked out wildly with one of its legs and forced her to slide on her knees underneath it: her momentum too great to do anything else. She jumped back to feet next to Alistair, and joined him under his shield as the ogre slammed its fist down above them. With their combined strength holding it, they just managed to stop the strike as the mage managed to send a burst of lightning at the ogre, causing it to stumble back.

With time to now plan their next move, Arria pulled back and turned her eyes to their surroundings. Unfortunately, there wasn't much they could use to their advantage: a few ruined blades lay about, but nothing that could significantly swing the battle in their favour. The ogre rushed at them again, this time swinging out with its hands as it got closer. Alistair hit the deck while Arria flipped over them and ran to a few of the scattered swords. She threw one at the beasts back, and it landed in its shoulder blade while she threw another at its leg, but that one was kicked straight back at her before it could hit its mark. She parried it away with ease, but the beast's attention was now on her. It ran towards her and prepared to head-butt her, but she dropped into the splits and flattened herself as much as she could, leaving it to run straight over her and jam itself into a wall. She rolled back onto her feet as Alistair joined her. "Any ideas?" he asked breathlessly.

She was panting hard too, her strength giving out fast. She maybe had one more powerful move left in her. "Yeah, one. I'm going to need you help though."

"Name it."

She was about to tell him when a flurry of stone shot past them from the mage, intending to bury the ogre deeper into the wall, but having the opposite effect of freeing it. Their eyes widened as it picked up a boulder and hurled it at them. Both managed to jump away, but not far enough, with the residual shockwave throwing them backwards off their feet. They clattered to the floor and were ignored by the beast as it made a furious charge to the mage, who ran away in a futile attempt to escape. Alistair had been quicker in getting back to his feet, and ran to Arria who was struggling back to hers. He could see her strength waning, and his own was beginning to ebb away. "I need you to throw your shield onto your back, and let me use you as a springboard."

He looked at her incredulously. "Come again?"

"Trust me, I've done this before. When you get your opening, don't miss."

Alistair was about to ask her what she meant, but was interrupted by the mage's screams of agony as the ogre tore his body in two. He looked back at her in question and she nodded as she backed away, getting into position. With a sigh of frustration he swung his shield back onto his back, bracing himself as the beast faced them again, blood dripping from its hands as evidence of its last kill. It charged at the Warden, but he held still, trusting in Arria.

The female Warden ran back towards the fray and just before she reached Alistair, she threw all of her remaining strength into a forwards flip: landing her feet on his shield, leaping off it and jumping to a height greater than that of the ogre. The beast's attention switched to her and it tried to grab her, but before it could she raked her blades up its back and twisted to land on her feet while slicing the back of its legs. With the damage it could no longer stand and crumbled to its knees, leaving Alistair the chance to make a flying leap of his own, driving his sword into the beast's neck. He ripped a large rent in the flesh, leaving the creature to bleed out as it fell to the ground defeated. Arria had been forced to roll back out of the way as it collapsed and watched on exhausted as Alistair stepped off the fiend.

She took the hand that was offered to her as he approached, a chuckle escaping his throat. "That, was an insane move."

All she could manage was a half shrug. "It worked, didn't it?"

He nodded back, still smiling goofily but helped her over to the beacon. She just managed to support herself on the stone as she lit the fire, watching as the flames rose up to the stone above, sending the signal to the men below. Alistair ran to the remains of a window and looked down to the battle: it seemed as if there was still hope, and now that Loghain's men would be joining the cause it gave them a truly fighting chance. Alistair was about to suggest that they should head back down when sounds from the stairs caught his attention. He spun around to see a group of darkspawn archers approaching, and they were targeting his vulnerable companion. _"Arria!" _he called desperately but it was already too late, her exhausted body unable to move away in time as three arrows tore into her. He watched helplessly as her limp form tumbled to the floor, before being forced to take cover behind his shield.

Arria had barely felt the arrow tear through her flesh, such was the level of exhaustion through her body. As she had crumbled to the floor, she wondered if this would be the time that Death finally claimed her. With the darkness moving in, her mind thought back to her family, hoping with all her being that this would finally be her time to rejoin them. Her people had a future now, with the king's promise. Her promise fulfilled, she let the blackness claim her.

* * *

I hope the changes I make don't alienate people, I am doing my best to evolve the universe to fit Arria, while keeping the essence of DA:O the same. Please let me know what you think!

Negative Angel


	6. The First Steps

Lots of thanks to all those who favourited and followed, but especially to my fantastic reviewers: **Eve Hawke, Musicalrain, FenZev, Maleficarum **and **LadyMimzy**! Now we get to see a bit more of Alistair with Arria as a pair. Let their journey begin!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: The First Steps**

Coming back to consciousness was no easy task for Arria as her spirit waged an internal war. Should she return? What did she have left? Was there a reason for her to live on? Evidently there was an answer to that question, for three days after she had welcomed death at the top of the Tower of Ishal, her eyes opened to the sight of a thatched roof above her, and the smell of soup simmering nearby. Her eyes strained at the first light she had seen for several days, and her throat was parched from a lack of water. "Here." She turned slowly towards the voice, and saw Morrigan holding a waterskin for her to take. Arria nodded her thanks and sighed at the feel of the cool liquid making its way down her throat, giving welcome relief.

It took a few gulps before she thought she could speak without croaking. "Morrigan?"

"Well, it seems that your head has remained mostly intact, despite the immense healing you needed."

"You mean apart from the arrows which decided to stick themselves in me?"

"Yes, your skull was also badly cracked from your fall to the floor. It was a close call for a time as to whether you would live at all. Seems you have the fortune of the Maker, making sure you remain in this world." Arria chuckled bitterly at the statement. It was more of a curse tying her to the world than anything. Three times now she should have died, and three times she had survived. What would it take to finally end her? "It seems as though you are almost fully recovered. Your friend will be most pleased."

"My friend? You mean Alistair?" _He survived! _Her heart lightened immensely: she finally had a companion. And with the promise of the King, maybe she had finally found some luck after all.

"Yes, though whether he will notice you through his fog of grief, Maker only knows."

Her momentary joy was frozen solid. _Fog of grief? _Arria nodded her thanks, but it was only at that moment she noticed her undressed state. Panic began to seize at her, with the thought of having been so vulnerable for a long time, but Morrigan placed her armour at the foot of the bed before quickly taking her leave. Arria waited a few more seconds before leaving the security of the blankets and putting on her armour. It still felt constricting to her, but she was slowly getting used to the feel of the heavy adornments, and Maker knew she needed the protection. She was still far too weak to be useful in an extended battle: the tower had shown her that. The battle with the ogre had completely drained her, and the throb in her right hand side made a suitable reminder of what should happen were she not strong enough to face the Blight.

Arria ventured out from the hut, and breathed in the musty swamp air. While it may not exactly be pleasant, it was a far cry from the scent of death which still clung to her from the battle. She exhaled deeply, and turned her eyes to the sky. Smoke was rising from the west: from Ostagar. Her heart dropped at the sight, and she prayed that the devastation she saw was merely the remnants of a darkspawn defeat, and not what her overactive imagination was envisioning. With a quick survey of the surrounding landscape, she saw an outstretched leg at the far end of the wall. She wandered over to it, and found Alistair slumped down against the side of the hut: eyes empty and lost. Arria crouched down next to him, but wasn't sure that he could see her. "Alistair?" she called, but got no response. He continued to stare out sightlessly, lost within his own emotions. She remembered the feeling well, but she needed him to focus now.

She needed to know what had happened. "Alistair," she spoke a little louder this time while giving his shoulder a gentle nudge. Still nothing. Arria sighed and changed to kneeling before the man, determined to break him free of his haze. It had been kindness that had reached her, so she changed tactic. The younger Warden brought her hand up as if to hold his shoulder again, but realised that wouldn't do it. She needed to be braver than that. A small tremor ran through her body at the thought of what she was about to do and how it might be construed, but it was what had to be done. This fear couldn't hold her back forever: she couldn't continue to be afraid of men. Alistair had shown himself to be a good man, and had not given her any reason to fear him apart from his gender. She needed to gain the courage, for now, and carry it into the future.

Her hand found its way to his cheek and held it gently as her eyes searched his own, looking for _any _response. "Alistair?" she whispered, hoping the gentleness would find its way through. Something stirred within him at her plea, for the fog cleared, leaving amber eyes to connect with her blue ones.

Recognition hit him at last, as he realised just who it was before him. "Arria?" he asked barely above a whisper, scarcely willing to believe what he saw. When she smiled slightly in reply, he let loose a spluttering laugh, and embraced her in a hug. She froze at the sudden closeness, but it was only a couple of seconds before he pulled back, not wanting to put her fragile body under any more strain. "I thought you were dead…"

"You can't get rid of me quite so easily, you fool," she joked in reply, but was worried when she didn't even get a ghost of a smile in reply. "Alistair, what's happened?"

His gaze shot to the ground. "Everyone's dead. The Wardens…Duncan…even the King…"

Arria gasped in horror and dropped back into a seated position. "No…_How? _Were we too late?"

Alistair chuckled bitterly. "If only. According to Morrigan's mother, Loghain quit the field. The bastard pulled out, leaving everyone behind to be slaughtered."

She attempted to digest the news. "But…why would Loghain do this?"

"Who knows? We know he had no great fondness of the Wardens, but why he would leave the King to die…"

"Alistair, how did Morrigan's mother knows about all this?"

"I watched the whole thing unfold, lass." Arria turned to see the aforementioned woman standing a couple of metres away. "I saw Loghian's withdrawal, the King's death and you own near deaths."

"You rescued us, didn't you?" Arria didn't need an answer to know she was right. "In that case, I owe you my thanks…we never did get your name, did we?"

"Flemeth, child. My name is Flemeth."

A faint memory of the name Flemeth stirred inside Arria, but Alistair beat her to it. "_The _Flemeth? As in the original Witch of the Wilds?"

"And if I were, lad? What difference would that make to you? I did save your lives after all."

"It begs the question of why you did," challenged Arria, who was slightly surprised at Flemeth's laughter in response.

"We can't have all the Wardens in Ferelden dying now, can we? After all, you two are the only ones who can kill the Archdemon."

"But why us? Why not two more experienced Wardens who know what they are doing?"

"Convenience, lass. You two were the easy ones to get to."

Alistair's temper flared at that statement and he shot to his feet, approaching Flemeth threateningly. "Why couldn't you save Duncan? Or the King? _They _were the ones who _should _have been saved!"

Flemeth crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at the young man. "You would rather I left you to die?"

"Yes!"

"And what about your young companion? Should she have been condemned to that fate as well?"

"I-" Alistair sharply turned to Arria, who had an indecipherable look on her face. Without even sparing him a glance, she stood and returned inside the hut momentarily to retrieve her weapons, before heading into the woods. Alistair watched her sadly, hoping he hadn't hurt her with his angry words.

"Best be careful from now on, lad. Your destinies are tied together now, until Death finally pulls you two apart."

Alistair turned hard eyes to the old witch. "You know something, do you?"

Flemeth smiled cruelly and left him there, puzzling over her statement. He growled in annoyance after a few moments before gathering his shield and sword. _Despite what that witch was saying, she is right. Arria and I are stuck together now…I hope I didn't hurt her feelings with my big mouth. I'd better follow her: she's still weak, and we can't afford to lose her. I can't be left alone again…_

* * *

Arria finally stopped her wander not too far from where she first entered the wood. She soon realised that she had been going in circles, but it didn't matter, it made it that much easier for her to get back. Her rampant thoughts had been swimming through what had happened while she was unconscious. All of the Wardens were dead…as were Duncan and Cailan. She clenched her teeth at the thought of the man who had betrayed them. Not only had he possibly doomed his own people to no future, but he had stolen hers, and whatever remained of her people too. Cailan had given her hope, and now it had been ripped away before it could even begin to take shape. A growl escaped her throat as she fought back the tears threatening at her eyes. _No! I won't give in to the tears! I need to find another outlet, I've cried enough over this past year. _She angrily kicked at the tree beside her, and inspiration struck. Maybe she could put her surroundings to good use after all…

The young Warden drew her blades and placed herself inside a circling of trees; she was going to need a lot of them to vent everything inside. She cast her mind back to her training, back in her homeland, and the words of her teacher. _**A Dancer uses the energy inside them to amplify their own abilities. Whatever drives you, be it love, anger, betrayal, friendship, grief…use it to devastate all around you. Use your own song, and release it on the world…**_

_My own song, huh? Well I'm not even sure what emotions I am pouring in right now, but I __**need **__to let it all out…_

When Arria opened her eyes again, she let her mind's own eye take over, giving her something to target. The first thing that appeared were the abominations formed from her own people. Of all the things, she had been expecting, that hadn't been it. She had locked the memories of her people so far away, why were they resurfacing now? Inside, she knew why. It was her shattered hopes for their future haunting her the same way her memories did. With a snarl of fury, she launched against the vision, seeing herself as slicing through the creature's throat, while in reality she slashed at the bark of the inanimate tree, before she swiftly kicked at it, as if she were kicking it away. Spinning to another tree, she saw a darkspawn snarling at her, and she flipped backwards and handsprung into the vision, hissing with the pain at the collision with the tree, but it was a hiss of satisfaction. She had to get this pain out…it was eating her alive from the inside out, and there wasn't much more she could take.

Alistair heard her shouts of battle from a hundred metres away and ran to her, fearing that she was under attack, but when he found her, all he saw was her attacking the trees around her. He was initially confused at what he saw, but watched her go, amazed not only at the moves she was pulling off, but the sheer intensity of it as well. She would spin kick, flip and slash…he saw her launch from one tree and drive one of her blades into another as she flew past and absently wondered how often she had attempted that stunt successfully in battle. Though when he thought back to what they had managed when they worked together at the Tower of Ishal, he realised there was more to her fighting than sheer strength, and he thought he began to understand what it meant to be a Dancer, from watching her. He could see it now, she wasn't seeing herself fighting the trees around her: she was doing battle with her inner demons. When she slipped on the mossy ground beneath her and her back slammed into a tree behind her, he realised she needed more. This was only doing so much: a living breathing target would be more fulfilling, and at least it meant there was less chance of her hurting herself.

Arria snarled at the sharp pain in her back, and turned her eyes back to her attacker: a taunting look was on her dead best friend's face, and her heart screamed in agony at the cruel laugh resounding from him. She roared as she sprang back to her feet and rushed him, but rather than stopping against the solidness of a tree as she expected, she felt some give as she slammed into a very real shield. Not stopping to question the change, she spun away, but now her target had changed into Loghain, the man who had stolen her future. Choking back tears which were threatening to overtake her emotions, she threw herself at the man, slashing with both daggers furiously and kicked him in the stomach, grinning in pleasure as she saw him double over.

Alistair coughed sharply as he stumbled back from the kick. _Maker, she has more strength than it looks! _He was beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea, because it was clear that she couldn't see it was him: she was still fighting through her emotions. He barely had time to raise his shield as she leapt through the air and brought both daggers down above him. The screech of the metals colliding ripped through the air and he retaliated with a strike of his shield to her side, sending her crashing to the ground. She was weakening fast, he could see it. He doubted she could last much longer in this state, but that didn't mean she was no longer dangerous.

When she looked back again at the being above her, it swirled through many different shapes: her friends and sister who had fallen, Duncan, the King who had given her hope, the man who betrayed him to his death, demons, darkspawn, but it eventually focused on the man who had shattered her very soul.

Howe.

She gasped initially in fear, but it was soon replaced with blind fury. With a screech she leapt back to her feet and slid into a kick which knocked him off his feet. While he was recovering, she made to rip her blade across his throat, but he rolled away just in time. She threw one of her daggers at him, and snarled in displeasure as he ducked and dodged it; but before he could fully recover, she slammed her knee into the same spot her kick had landed earlier. He groaned in pain and she spun and kicked straight into his face, watching with pride as he slammed back first into a tree. Betrayal, guilt, shame, fury, grief…all of it was giving her a power she hadn't felt since before her world fell apart, and she revelled in the feeling of not being helpless anymore at his hands.

Alistair struggled back to his feet, using his sword and the tree behind him as supports. That last flurry from her had suitably knocked the wind out of him. He turned blurry eyes towards the woman stalking over to him, and saw all the emotions turning in her own eyes. He suspected he knew who its was she was now seeing, and he needed to break through her haze before she ended him. When she brought her last remaining dagger up to his throat, ready to finish it, he barely wheezed out her name. "Ar..Arria…"

His voice broke through, and the visions cleared away, leaving her to see what had really happened. Alistair was before her now, barely standing, and she had her blade poised to take his life. "Alistair?" she whispered in horror, dropping her weapon as if it were burning her. As soon as she had stepped back he collapsed back to the ground, no longer having the strength in his legs to stand. Only a few well aimed hits from her had left him defenceless. Her mental and physical exhaustion now began to kick in where adrenaline had kept her going before and she crashed to her knees before him. She felt sick at what had almost happened, and that was the last straw: her dam of emotions broke, letting her feel the pain of the past year. Her people's destruction, her suffering at Howe's hands, her future now lost with the battle at Ostagar…it all burst forth in a flood of tears she couldn't hope to stop.

Alistair watched as she fell apart before him, his own heart aching at the pain etched on her face. He pulled her in gently, and she went willingly into his arms, seeking the comfort and warmth there. A few of his own tears joined hers as he felt the loss of those in the battle, and thanking the Maker that he saw fit to keep this woman here with him. Neither of them had to be alone anymore.

* * *

Alistair continued to stroke her hair as she slept. She had fallen asleep from exhaustion not long after her tears had started, and he had not had the strength, nor want, to move. It turned out that Arria's attacks had only temporarily numbed his body, and though he still ached, he at least knew he would be in fighting form again should he need to protect her. He had always heard that the first steps of healing were the hardest, and from having seen her crumble before him just an hour before, he now knew it to be true. To see all the raw emotions pouring out from her had been heart-breaking, and he never wanted to see that kind of pain from her again.

A few more minutes led to her stirring beside him, and he could feel the involuntary stiffening of her body as she came back to consciousness. She relaxed slightly when she realised it was him, but there was still tension in her body. "You don't have to be afraid of me, you know," he spoke quietly.

Her apologetic blue eyes met his amber ones. "I know. It's…a subconscious reaction around any man. I'm sorry, I can't really control it," she muttered, feeling awkward that he had noticed.

"Well, maybe someday you won't feel that way anymore. After all, we are kind of stuck together now."

She smiled in response. "Is that such a bad thing?"

He smiled in reply. "No. Not at all."

Her guilt roared up from what had happened before. "Alistair, I'm so-"

"Don't." He cut her off before she could say any more. "You needed it, and I was worried you were going to hurt yourself among all those trees. I'll admit I…underestimated just how much force you were going to strike with, but that was my own damn fault, not yours. Don't apologise for fighting your demons when I deliberately stuck myself in the middle of that."

"But-"

"Arria, don't. Whoever it was you thought I was, it's clear that they have hurt you more than anyone should ever have to suffer." Her eyes moved down to his armour, and she snuggled back into his side, drawing comfort from the warmth of his body. His hand continued to stroke her hair, and while normally she wouldn't let another man near her, she felt safe there, though subconsciously she still had some way to go. She wondered if the two of them would always be as close as this: it was something she strangely found she liked. She'd only ever been so close to one other person and after he had died, she had thought she couldn't ever see it happening again. The world just continued to surprise her. "Arria…it was Arl Howe you saw, wasn't it?"

She stiffened next to him. "How…did you know that?"

"I've had time to think over the past few days, and I noticed the look in your eyes just now: it was the same at the look in your eyes when the Highever knight told us of what had happened." Alistair shifted his other hand to lightly brush a few of the scars on her stomach. "Did he do this to you?"

Arria felt uncomfortable with Alistair's hand there, but knew there was no intent so let him be. "No, they are all battle scars."

Alistair looked at her closely, but saw she was telling the truth. "You were his prisoner, weren't you?"

She made sure she was looking away from him. "You could say that."

He realised she wasn't going to give him any straight answers, but at least this time she didn't look like she was going to bolt. "So Duncan saved you from Howe's clutches when he went to massacre the Couslands, am I right?" A pitiful nod was his answer. "I won't ask any more for now, I just hope that you can open up to me about it someday." She thought it was unlikely, but there may be a time in the future when she could confide in him. _Someday…_

A bark in the distance shocked both of them, and Alistair helped Arria back to her feet as he raised his weapon. She picked up her dagger, but kept it lowered, unsure that what they heard was actually a foe. Her guess was proven right when she spied a Mabari in the darkness of the wood. "Alistair wait," she asked, placing a gentle hand on his arm. He looked at her confused before standing down. She stepped forward unsteadily, still exhausted, but smiled as she recognised the hound before her. "This is the Mabari I helped back at the camp. He survived!" she called back joyfully, not missing the smile on his face as he realised she was right. "_Haira mi merra, sur sistra?" _The Mabari barked happily in reply and nuzzled her face. She laughed and petted him in reply. "It is good to see you too, my friend. But what are you doing here?" The dog raised one of its paws and placed it on top of one of her hands. Her eyes widened in response. "You are mine now?" A short bark was her response. "Are you sure? We are going to be fighting darkspawn; I know you are bred for battle but this is something far beyond what you are used to." A hard stare from the Mabari ended the argument. "Very well, in that case, you will need a new name…" A lightbulb went off in her head. "I know, how does Carou sound?" The dog bounced around her. "I take that as a yes, then."

She stood and walked back to Alistair. "So…We have a Mabari now?"

"It seems that way."

"Carou? Where did that come from?"

She smiled sadly. "From the language of my people. It means 'fortune'. He was lucky to survive, and I hope he is going to be our lucky charm."

"Right…I'll ask about them some other time I suppose. I think we need to get you back to the hut, you drained yourself badly and you'll need to regain your strength." Arria nodded in reply, knowing she would need to recover. As they walked back to the camp, she noticed a new peace inside her: she wasn't alone anymore. She had lost her people, her family, her future…but she now finally had something to keep. Carou would be a good companion for her, but Alistair was already becoming something far more than just that. He was already a close friend, and he was slowly helping her become more at ease. Cailan may have started her healing, but it seemed Alistair would be the one to help her continue it.

* * *

Arria had slept away the rest of the day and some of the next as well, recovering both emotionally and physically. Neither Flemeth nor Morrigan had questioned it, which Alistair was thankful for. Unfortunately for him though, a rather substantial bruise had shown up where Arria's precise strikes had landed, and it was still rather tender to the touch. _If this is what she can so now, what can she do at full strength? _He wondered the next day as he wrapped a bandage around his waist, holding the damp cloth he had just put there in place. It would at least stop his armour from rubbing and making it worse.

When Arria finally reappeared later that day, she greeted him with a shy smile. He smiled back but she noticed the awkward way in which he was standing. A stern look had him sighing and showing the evidence of their duel yesterday. Apologetic blue eyes shined back at him, but he simply shook his head and repeated his words of yesterday. "You needed it." She couldn't explain her emotions to him, so nodded in agreement instead, not that he would have listened to her anyway. She needed to see past the guilt that clouded her vision, and he wouldn't let her take the blame for another incident when he had thrown himself into the middle of it. The truth was he had needed it too: his mind had been filled with nothing but grief over Duncan's demise and Arria's possible own…he had needed that fight to know that she was as living and breathing as he was.

The pair of them were packed to leave early the next day, and Carou was bouncing around, clearly eager to be on their way. "_Mittana, Carou," _called Arria to her excitable friend, and he huffed in reply before flopping to the ground.

Alistair's eyes widened at the sudden change in the Mabari. "Mittana?"

She smiled in reply. "It means calm."

"Your language is amazing, was hat what you spoke to him before when you were putting on the muzzle?" A nod confirmed his suspicions. "And did you do that to the wolves in the forest as well?" Again she nodded. "So animals can understand you? Wonder if it would work on darkspawn."

"As much as it would be amusing to find out that it did, I know it does not. Darkspawn do not respond the same as animals do."

"Too bad, it would have been handy. Still, at least we will be in good company for the journey ahead."

It turned out Alistair had spoken too soon when Flemeth approached and asked the Wardens to take Morrigan with them as payment for saving their lives. The alarm on his face might have been funny had Arria not been so shocked herself. Still, she could not find it within herself to refuse the extra help, and it was soon four of them setting off from the Wilds towards Lothering. Morrigan was leading the way with Carou slightly ahead of the pair of Wardens.

Alistair's eyes widened as he realised what he had forgotten. "Arria, can you turn around for a second?"

She eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Please, just trust me." Blue eyes looked at him unsure, before she decided to show her back to him. He appreciated her bravery, and very carefully slipped the pendant around her neck before clasping it. She looked down in wonderment at the vial and turned to him with a questioning gaze. "It's darkspawn blood. It's a reminder…of those who didn't make it this far. I meant to give it to you after your Joining, but it almost seems more fitting now."

She couldn't help but agree, and smiled her thanks. Her Warden's Oath would now be a reminder of all those who she had lost on her way here, and she hoped she could use all the lessons she had learnt from them on the way. It would take everything they had to survive the Blight.

* * *

Please let me know what you think! This chapter was not easy to write, and I hope I've struck the right balance.

Negative Angel


	7. Forged From Suffering

Thanks to all those who favourite/followed but special thanks who left reviews and thoughts with me: **Eve Hawke, Melysande, Musicalrain, FenZev **and **LadyMimzy. **It's thanks to all of you that I am inspired to keep this story going.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Forged From Suffering**

It had taken but a few hours to make it to Lothering, and in that time barely any words had been spoken. A lack of conversation from Morrigan was hardly surprising, but the quietness of Alistair had Arria concerned. She had found him to be a constant upbeat person from their time together in Ostagar; now however, a sadness tinged his eyes that seemed alien there. Every time she had caught his eye, he had smiled tightly in reply and looked away again. She wished she could do more, but he was still caught in the grief of losing Duncan. The past year had taught her how to handle grief, but it seemed Alistair had never faced it on this scale before. It was unsurprising since he had lost everyone he knew on that battlefield. Well, almost everyone, though Arria wasn't sure she really counted that much. He had known her for all of a day when everything crumbled around him, but from their closeness already, it felt like so much longer.

Carou started growling in his throat, and Arria pulled herself out of her thoughts to gaze ahead. A band of mercenaries were hanging around the entrance to the town, looking to pray upon the vulnerable. Morrigan was already aware of them, and Arria brushed her hand along Alistair's own, letting him know of the potential scuffle ahead. He reciprocated the subtle gesture to let her know he was prepared for a fight. The leader met them as they approached. "Well hello there, friend. I can see you are all itching to be on your way, so a simple tax of ten silvers will see you move on without further delay."

"Highwaymen," hissed Alistair in disgust, "preying upon those in need."

"Everyone must make a living in these difficult times," responded Morrigan. "Not all choose to take what you would deem the 'respectable' route." Arria would have slapped the witch were it not so true.

She turned back to the men and smiled sweetly. "Is there no other way for us to pass?"

He leered at her. "Well…that depends entirely on what you are offering."

Alistair gripped Arria's hand subtly in support, and he could almost feel the tremors passing through her. She squeezed back in appreciation, but outwardly gave no signs of her inner distress. "How about all of you keeping your lives?" she chimed lightly. Had Alistair not have felt her turmoil, he would have believed she was as confident as she sounded.

The leader glared in response. "Do you really believe you can take on all of my men? Perhaps you are not that intelligent. We are all highly trained, and can take you down before you even draw your weapons."

"Is that so? Well then, give me a moment to gather the coin from my companions, and we will be on our way." Arria turned towards the others, letting go of Alistair's hand in the process. She could see the question in his eyes and nodded slightly to him, letting him know she was okay. Her memories weren't going to impede her now, not when she needed to be fully aware. "Carou," she whispered, and the Mabari walked over to her, keeping a careful watch of the men before him. He nuzzled her hand, and she replied with a scratching of his ears. He observed them shifting uncomfortably: clearly they were not confident around a Mabari. "_Pallerre."_

The hound licked her hand in acknowledgement and walked away slightly. Alistair turned an inquisitive gaze toward his companion, and she shifted her gaze to his sword. He nodded in response. Arria switched her focus to Morrigan, who she could she was poised for battle. The young Warden then retrieved ten silvers from the pouch on her waist, and spun back to face the mercenaries. "Here is our payment. Thank you for your patience. _Illya!"_

Carou charged at the men, and rammed into several of them before they could pull their weapons. The leader made to draw his own blade, but Arria spun and kicked him into unconsciousness. Morrigan sent several bolts of electricity from her staff while Alistair charged into the last two men standing, stabbing one and snapping the neck of the other with his shield. Arria ripped her daggers across the throats of the downed men while Carou sank his teeth in to end the lives of the others. It was a quick and painless victory. She surveyed their remains and turned her gaze to Alistair. "See what you can recover from their bodies: poultices and potions mainly. We don't have enough money to afford much, anything we can pick up along the way will be a great help." Carou approached the leader's still form snarling, but Arria placed her hand on the Mabari's head, instantly placating the animal.

Alistair came over to join her and glared down at the man. "What are we going to do about him?"

"We need to find out how many others he has pulled this scam on. See if you can find anything to tie him up with. It's time we had a little discussion on our terms."

* * *

When the bandit leader came to, he noticed that he was standing upright, but was bound at both the hands and feet by chains. Not only that, but a longsword was chained up his back, with the hilt serving as a clamp for the chains around his ankles and the blade keeping his back straight. Never before had he seen such a thing, and it unnerved him. His gaze shot to the female Warden standing a few feet away, her arms crossed and fury evident in her eyes. "Well, I seem to recall you saying that your men could kill my group before we even drew our weapons should we not pay your toll. It seems you far _over_estimated your men, and underestimated us."

"Wh-What do you want?" he stuttered out in fear, gulping as she drew a blade from her back and began to play with it absentmindedly.

She turned cold and unyielding eyes back to him. "I want you to hand over all the money you stole. Maybe then you will live with your body in one piece, rather than me having to take several little chunks out of it until you tell me where to find it."

All the colour drained from his face at the thought of what she might do. "I-I-It's in a ch-chest just beyond that pillar over there. Y-You can't miss it!"

"And does this chest have a lock?"

"The key is on a band around my neck! Take it!" She stepped forward and found the band, raising it over his head and slipping it around her own neck.

It was at this point that Alistair returned and glared at the bandit. "We've dumped all the bodies below the bridge, just like you said. We found a few poultices, enough to keep us going for a few days."

"Good. The corpses should attract any animals here, and away from the town." She switched her gaze back to that of the trembling man nearby. "Very well, your usefulness is at an end, and here is your reward: to gaze upon your sins."

He watched terrified as she wandered to the edge of the bridge and surveyed a chain attached to it; he suddenly realised that the other end of it was currently attached to his feet. A strangled cry resounded from him, as if to beg forgiveness, but she paid no heed. With a swift sharp kick to his chest, he tumbled over the edge, crying out in terror as he plunged headfirst toward the ground. His descent was halted sharply as the chain reached its maximum length and he felt the tug on the blade still keeping his form straight. When he opened his eyes, he again cried out, this time in horror and he was left dangling a few feet above his deceased comrades.

Alistair followed as Arria walked away swiftly, listening to the man's screams fading away behind them. She made a quick stop to unlock the chest nearby, and retrieved what would have added up to five sovereigns from its confines. When they were at last unable to hear him, he grasped her hand gently, drawing her to turn her attention to him. "What was that all about? Why not kill him?"

He could see the swirling of emotions beneath, but what stood out most was anger. "He preyed upon many people before us: people who were fleeing for their lives from the Blight. He deserved to see the consequences of those actions. Now he will gaze upon the corpses of those he was responsible for and see what he led them to. Plus, he will be a good distraction to keep the bears in the nearby woods away from the town, it is likely they have enough to deal with right now. We can give this money back to those in town."

Alistair didn't bother asking about how she knew bears were nearby, it was probably just another one of her amazing skills with animals he hadn't see yet. He did however, look deeper, and could see something else: there was some deep symbolic meaning to that act, though he couldn't decipher its meaning. "All right. Are you okay? I felt you trembling earlier."

She smiled softly, and grasped his hand fully: he still had not let go. "I am fine. It shook me a little at the time, but nothing more. Did I come across as afraid?"

"No, you didn't. I was amazed at how well you masked it."

A sigh of relief escaped from her. "Good, I hope I can keep this as quiet as possible. I don't want to have to let others know my shame."

"Hey, you were a prisoner of Howe's. There is no shame what you could not have helped occurring." She kept the bitter chuckle back. _If only he knew what really happened. _He looked down at their entwined hands. "This isn't too much, is it?"

Arria smiled back earnestly. "No, it is good to know you are so near. It is almost …a comfort. I do not want to be afraid of you, Alistair. I am trying to banish this fear from within me."

He grinned back. "Well, I hope that someday you won't be afraid of me either. I mean, come on, what's to be afraid of?"

She smirked. "You'd better hope our enemies don't think that too." She giggled at the light blush of embarrassment which showed on his cheeks. Her mood dimmed a little. "I should be the one asking you if you are all right. You've barely said a word since you gave me this," she stated, fingering away at her Warden's Oath.

Alistair's smile instantly vanished and he let go of her hand, but she held onto his, not willing to let him disappear into his shell. When he turned his gaze away from her own, she used her other hand to guide him back to facing her. His pained amber eyes met her own gentle blue ones, and he could see the grief that lay within them, just as it did within his own. Seeing that he was not alone in the suffering, he let her in. "It's just…I should be handling this better. Duncan…he warned me that this might happen, and I-"

"Alistair, it's all right to grieve. It's not good to bottle it all up inside…and you've felt the result of that…" She knew she didn't need to explain: the hand that drifted to his armour to rest above the spot where his dark bruise lay was explanation enough.

"So…you've lost someone too?"

She nodded sadly. "My whole family was killed before I came to Ferelden, so I know your pain well."

"Where is your home, Arria? I'm not good with accents, but it almost sounds like something similar to Antivan."

Arria internally smiled in relief: it seemed he hadn't noticed her slightly change her accent to hide her heritage. Since Cailan had noticed it, she had altered it slightly to disguise her true birth. "Not too far away from there. But you are changing the subject."

He grimaced. "Can't get anything past you, can I?"

She supressed a laugh at the fact that _she _was the one actually changing the subject. "No, despite your best efforts. Is it just Duncan's death that is on your mind, or is it something else?"

This time, he didn't try and look away. "It's just…I wish I had been there, you know? Maybe I could have died instead of him…"

"Or you could, and probably would, have died along with him, and I would have been left to face this Blight alone. Do you…really wish that had been the case?"

He looked into her uncertain eyes, and finally returned the grasp on his hand. A sigh escaped him before he answered. "No…no I don't. I wouldn't leave you, you know that, right?"

She smiled sadly at him. "I know, and I also know the pain of surviving a massacre, wishing every night that you had joined them. It will feel incredibly raw now, and will for the months ahead, but you can use that to drive you on ahead: use it to help you defeat this Blight. The Archdemon and Loghain are both to blame for what happened, and only once we defeat them both will we have revenge. It is a long road ahead for that though, and we are only just beginning."

Alistair exhaled deeply, feeling his spirits lift momentarily. A thought struck him in that moment. "Arria…what is 'thank you' in the language of your people?"

Arria looked at him in shock. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well, it's a part of you. Ferelden may now be your home, but your homeland will always be a part of you, and since I want to get to know you…what better way than to learn your language?"

A burst of adoration came forth from her heart at his gesture, and she beamed as she told him. "Tai meina."

"Can I take it that is 'thank you'?" She nodded in response. "It that case, tai meina, Arria."

"And to you, Alistair. The fact that you want to know me warms my heart."

"I told you once, Arria, you are precious. And I hope someday I can show you that." _If only he could see just how precious he is too, _she thought. "By the way, what was that you said to Carou earlier? Palas or something like that?"

She shook her head as she laughed softly. "Pallerre, it means protect, as in protect those around you from impending danger."

"And what was that other one you shouted to make him pounce?"

"Illya, meaning now."

"Right, so…Tai meina, pallerre and illya. I get the feeling I will pick up this language quickly."

"If you really want to learn it, you will. You'll probably hear me speaking it to Carou a lot, and he will start to respond if you use it too."

"So I could control our Mabari too?"

"Maybe not right away, but if he trusts you then yes, eventually."

The smile on his face eased Arria's worries about him for now, but her thoughts turned back to the fate of the bandit they had left to face nature's course. Fortunately Alistair hadn't pushed too hard about where the idea for that came from, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to know yet. She didn't want him to know that was one of her own nightmares: strung up immobile above all those she failed to protect in Merlinne, seeing their bodies lying there with her unable to look away from her failure…

She had a feeling that would be what haunted her dreams tonight.

* * *

The refugees had been overjoyed when Arria's group returned their lost silvers to them with the knowledge that the band of mercenaries would no longer be terrorizing the outskirts of Lothering. The recovered money would give many of them food for the next few days, or possibly passage onto another town; Lothering was becoming rather cramped as it was, and no doubt more would be arriving in the coming days and weeks as the Blight spread. Arria had enlisted herself as help for the Chantry to earn her group some money, and with the deaths of another group of bandits, they were three sovereigns richer. Another job saw them heading to the eastern edge of town to deal with a few bears who had strayed too close to the village, but it was upon their return that something new occurred.

Another band of refugees had arrived, this time from the north, bringing nothing with them but the clothes on their backs, and sometimes, their weapons. The small group consisted mainly of what looked like servants, and they soon dispersed across the town. It was the two people who remained that Arria took interest in. They were in the midst of a heavy discussion, but it didn't take Arria long to recognise the crest: the knight was from Highever. Anger burned in her heart as she thought they must have been survivors from Howe's takeover, and of how far they had come. With a quiet word to Morrigan, she sent the witch to collect their reward for driving off the bears and Carou with her. Alistair had given her a hard look, realising her plan, and she had relented, allowing him to stay. He already knew as much as she did about the story anyway, and no doubt he wanted to know more of the events which led to her freedom.

The Wardens approached the pair of travellers, and the knight drew his weapon while shielding his companion. Arria held up her hand in a pacifying gesture. "Hold, ser knight. We mean you no harm."

"And who might you be?"

"We are a pair of Grey Wardens, we were wondering if we could be of any assistance."

"Grey Wardens?" asked his female companion.

"Careful, my lady," he cautioned, keeping steady eyes on the two people before him. "Do you not remember what we heard on the road? The Grey Wardens betrayed the king and left him to die at Ostagar."

"_What?!"_ Both Alistair and Arria cried at once, one in fury and one in disbelief. "That is a filthy lie," snarled Alistair in response, and Arria placed a restraining hand on his arm, willing him to calm down. "Loghain was the one who abandoned those on the field, leaving them to be victims of a slaughter with the darkspawn!"

"We have only your word on that."

"Oh, and I suppose Loghain told you of what happened, did he?"

"Alistair," spoke Arria sternly, hoping to break through his anger. Combined with his grief he was not going to be able to hold himself in check very well. He turned seething eyes towards her, and met her own steady ones. She felt a small tremor run through her at his expression, and it was that tiny shudder of fear that passed onto him which led him to calm down. The last thing he wanted was to scare her, and Maker knew he must have seemed pretty intimidating at that moment. She could feel the tension leave his body and the apologetic look her gave her. It was not escaping her notice just how much the two of them were conveying their emotions through their eyes, and it gave her comfort to know they could converse without a word between them. Her attention returned to the dilemma before them. "Think about it, ser knight. Why would the Grey Wardens help the darkspawn? We are sworn to destroy them: that is our whole purpose."

"Well…that is true…"

"Roderick, we don't have time for this. We need to resupply and head south."

"Head south?" asked Arria, and it was only now that she took a close look at the woman. She knew the knight was of Highever origin, and based on their closeness it was a safe bet that she was too. Long, luscious black hair cascaded down her right shoulder and back, while emerald eyes met her own blue ones. _Those eyes…_Arria looked closely and realised that she had seen them before. Once while in Howe's clutches, and once looking lifelessly out in the Korcari Wilds. "Lady Cousland?"

All pairs of eyes turned to her in shock. "How…how do you know of me? Have we met before?" she asked in disbelief.

"No, we haven't, but I recognise your eyes: the eyes you share with your father and brother. You are heading down to the Wilds, aren't you? To search for Fergus?"

Elissa gasped and Ser Gilmore instantly stood down. "You know of Lord Cousland?" he asked.

"Where is my brother? Please tell me," begged Elissa.

Arria shared a heavy glance with Alistair before he told them of what had happened. From their encounter with the Highever knight, to their finding of Fergus in the Wilds. They even told the tale of his funeral, and of how the king himself attended his sending off. Elissa sobbed her heart out, and Roderick hugged her tightly at the end of it, comforting the young woman as she absorbed the new knowledge. "So…I am the last of my line. My whole family…gone…" She sniffed a little more before standing tall, trying to get her emotions under control. "Thank you, for telling me, and for sending my brother to the Maker."

"I only wish we had better news for you," answered Alistair sombrely.

Elissa turned probing eyes to Arria, who she noticed had been remarkably silent. It was only now, once she saw past her own grief that she noticed not only was there perhaps more to the tale, but that the woman before her stirred a memory. _Why does she remind me of someone? _It was now that the final piece snapped into place, and she realised just who it was that was standing before her. "Arria, was it?" The female Warden nodded in reply. "I would have a word with you, in private." At the sceptical glance from Roderick, Elissa waved a hand dismissively. "I'll stay in sight, don't worry. We aren't in any danger with these two." He sighed resignedly and nodded in affirmation. Elissa smiled at him. "Thank you. Arria, walk with me."

The younger Warden turned conflicted eyes to her older counterpart, and he smiled in reassurance, conveying with thoughts his eyes and a quick squeeze of her hand. _Don't worry, I'm right here._ A flicker of a smile was his only response, and she left his side to walk with the youngest Cousland. She was worried that she might blame her for what had happened in the Wilds, but the other woman threw her for a loop with her next statement. "I know who you are." Arria froze on the spot. They were now about fifty metres away from their companions, and though the location afforded them the privacy of not being overheard, they could still be seen. She would not have seen Alistair's momentary panic at possibly having made a mistake leaving them alone, but when neither party's weapons were drawn, he backed down.

Arria was still tense as she faced the other woman. "How do you…?"

"My father was talking to my mother once, about a visit of his to Amaranthine: a visit to Arl Howe. It was a grand banquet of Howe's allies, and it was a joyous feast from what I heard." Arria sighed deeply, swallowing memories as she knew exactly what episode it was that Elissa was retelling. "After the meal, however, Howe invited his closest allies, of which my father was one, to his bedchambers. There, Howe offered them a woman stripped bare and bound to the bedposts for whomsoever wished his way with her. My father was naturally horrified and refused, though never made any public mention of the event, nor did his appearance convey the knowledge of Howe's…entertainment. Apparently, when the men returned, they were most...satisfied with the Arl's hospitality and asked when a repeat performance could be arranged. He described her in great detail to my mother, hoping that one day he could barter for her freedom." Elissa finally turned her eyes up to the other woman, seeing the shame that lay in the blue orbs, as well as the memories threatening to overcome her. "That was you, wasn't it? You were Howe's slave."

Arria swallowed and took several deep breaths, trying to get the memories under control. "You don't need me to answer that, my lady: you know it yourself."

"So you managed to escape when Howe…" Arria's pitiful nod confirmed her suspicions. "When you mentioned earlier that you recognised my eyes from my father, I never imagined that you remembered him."

The other woman shook with the force of remembering. "He was the only one who turned him down…the only one that didn't-" Arria snatched a hand over her mouth and ran off, desperate to get away. Alistair noticed her mad dash and sprinted after her, worried over what could have caused such a reaction. Roderick followed him, but stopped with his lady as Alistair continued on.

"What was that all about?" he asked, surprised at the horrified expression on Elissa's face.

"She has suffered so much more at Howe's hands than we have…it seems our despair paved the path for her to have a future. Despite all that has happened, I now feel a small comfort: that one of my father's wishes could be fulfilled upon his death."

* * *

When Alistair caught up to Arria, he noticed her pulling away from a group of bushes and going to wash her mouth out in the river, after having vomited violently. As he got closer, he could hear the choked back sobs threatening to break through. He remained standing behind her, waiting for her to return to her feet before he offered any sort of comfort, if she would let him. It was when she did finally stand, and he visibly noticed the tremors racing through her body that he decided he wasn't going to wait for her approval, and wrapped her in a tight embrace.

Arria at first struggled against the feeling of being confined, and fought hard to get out of his arms: the memories too near. But as his soft words of reassurance were whispered into her ear she slowly eased her fight, the memories receding, until at last they returned to where they belonged, in the past. It was then that she wrapped her arms around his waist, clinging onto him as if her life depended on it, lest she lose herself to the months that very nearly ended her. Her tears too, were slowing, but she soon realised she had no want to leave the security of his arms. Strange to think that in such a short time she trusted this man with her life and happiness.

When the tears stopped a few minutes later, Arria reluctantly pulled back and looked up at him with a shy smile of thanks. Alistair returned the smile as he brushed some stray hairs from her face. "I told you, I'm never going to be far away. You aren't fighting this alone anymore. I may not know what it is yet, but when you gain the confidence to tell me, I will still be at your side. You're stuck with me now, whether you like it or not."

She laughed quietly. "Yay, lucky me. I get a lovable dolt, a snarky witch, and a Mabari as my companions."

"Hey, you said I'm lovable, right? That's got to be a compliment, hasn't it?"

"I think you missed the dolt bit."

"Oh yeah. Well, can't have everything I suppose."

She smiled earnestly back at him, and kissed his cheek in thanks. "Thank you. Maker knows why you put up with me…"

"Yes…only the Maker does know," he replied mischievously and she elbowed him sharply in the side, making sure to dodge the tender area. "Ow! You want to give me a matching bruise?"

"You better watch what you say if you don't want to be sporting two dark spots."

"Note taken, don't piss off the Dancer." He could see the banter lifting her spirits, and dropped the sarcasm. "I'm glad you are feeling better. Come on, we should get back to Roderick and Lady Cousland."

* * *

It was a slow amble back from the edge of town to meeting the other two once again, and they came across the knight and young woman in an embrace not too dissimilar from their own a few minutes before. Elissa was breathing him in, taking comfort from his nearness while he stroked her hair, easing her spirit. Arria smiled at the obvious closeness between them, glad that they still had each other. When Roderick spotted the two Wardens he pulled back from Elissa and directed her attention to the approaching pair. "Arria, I'm sorry I-"

"No, it's fine, my Lady. You just caught me off guard." It was a very mild explanation, but would have to do while they were still in the presence of the two men. "I would like to finish our talk, if you are amenable to that?" Elissa nodded and left with Arria, as the two men remained behind, chatting idly. "I apologise for what you saw, my Lady. Sometimes I…cannot control my actions."

"No Arria, I should be the one apologising, and please, call me Elissa." The other woman was clearly still in a mild state of shock, unsurprising given what she had learnt this day. "How long?"

Arria sighed. "8 months."

Elissa gasped. "You went through that hell for 8 months? By the Maker Arria, Howe will pay for what he has done: to you and to us."

A thought occurred to Arria. "Let us make it official then. When Alistair and I have gained enough allies, we will help you retake Highever Castle."

Elissa smiled in response. "And we will help you end the Blight. A fine arrangement. You have my thanks, Arria."

"Thank me when we are victorious. It is a long road ahead."

"Yes, but it is good to have allies of strong and noble hearts with us. That alone gives me hope and courage for the days ahead."

Arria could not have agreed more. Out of all the grief and suffering, they had now forged an alliance with the second most powerful family in all of Ferelden. She thought back to the one man who had cared for her as a person that single day they had met. _Teryn Cousland, you should be immensely proud of your daughter. She is just as noble as you were. _

Her first friendship sealed, Arria headed back toward her fellow Warden with a heart lighter than it had been in months. She finally had a torch to see through the darkness of the past year, but it would take more before it could survive the blackness of the Blight. Their journey had only just begun.

* * *

Not an easy one to write up, but I couldn't just kill off the Couslands entirely! I'm not that heartless, and I think I've had enough death for now, don't you? Please let me know your thoughts.

Negative Angel


	8. New Beginnings

Big thanks to all those who favourite/followed but of course, the biggest thanks must go to my reviewers: **Eve Hawke, likarian, Musicalrain **and **FenZev! **You guys are awesome!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: New Beginnings**

"So, you and Roderick…?" asked Arria, a knowing smile on her face.

"What about us?" replied Elissa confused. After their new alliance had been agreed, the new additions to their small travelling party had joined them in the local tavern. Morrigan had chosen to remove herself from the interaction, while Carou was outside. Arria had not wanted to cause a stir by bringing the Mabari inside the establishment, so he was on guard duty. Alistair and Roderick had gone up to get more drinks while the girls remained at their table near the back of the upper level, hoping not to draw too much attention to themselves.

"You know what I mean. Are you two…?" she persisted.

A fierce blush came across Elissa's cheeks. "Are you asking if Rod and I…?" At Arria's raised eyebrow, she continued. "Well I won't deny that we are involved, if that is what you mean."

"I knew it. It was fairly obvious from your interactions earlier. So, how long?"

"It would be about a year now. Luckily for me, my father was never strict on who I was to marry. My mother would have preferred I wed another noble, but when she found out that Rod was my choice, she was happy. I was petrified about her reaction, but it turned out to be over nothing." A smirk appeared on the raven-haired woman's face. "Now, how long have you and Alistair been together?"

A look of pure shock passed across Arria's face. "I only met Alistair six days ago, and you know where I was before that…"

Regret washed over Elissa's face instantly. "Of course, how stupid of me. Forgive me, Arria, that was incredibly insensitive."

"Don't worry about it, Elissa. I am almost glad you forgot: it means it is not immediately obvious what I have suffered…Whatever gave you the impression that Alistair and I were together?"

"You two are extremely at ease with each other, more so than I thought would be possible for having only known each other six days! When I saw the two of you earlier, it reminded me of how Rod and I are, as a couple. I would have thought that with everything you have been through, you wouldn't let another man near you."

"I always felt that way too, but somehow he has managed to get close. I don't feel afraid around him, well, not consciously anyway. Subconsciously I don't think it will ever change, but I like our closeness: it seems our shared grief over what happened at Ostagar has united us."

"Yes…I suppose that kind of loss does bring people closer: it has done just that for Rod and I, when I thought we couldn't get any closer." She turned loving eyes towards her other half, who was still at the bar with Alistair. The two of them were laughing like old friends, swapping stories about various training mishaps. "Those two seem to be getting along famously."

"Yes, they certainly do. It will make our travelling together much easier if we have companions we can trust in." Arria had been overjoyed when Elissa and Roderick had volunteered to join them on the road, at least for a little while. The youngest Cousland would certainly be better female company than Morrigan.

"I take it then that, what's her name again? I take it she was not a companion of choice?"

"Certainly not, more as a form of repayment to the woman who saved our lives. She hasn't caused any trouble, but she hasn't been the friendliest of sorts either."

"So…a potential enemy?"

Arria mulled this over. "No, I don't think so; but I don't think we will ever see eye-to-eye either." A series of barks outside caught Arria's attention. "Carou. Something must be wrong." She turned towards Alistair, but he was already aware, with both he and Roderick having noticed Carou's warning. The two of them turned their backs to the majority of the tavern, but kept their eyes upon a mirror which showed them most of what went on behind, including the girls. Arria and Elissa resumed with a muted conversation, but both kept eyes upon the two entrances, front and back. Elissa was the one to spot that danger: five of Loghain's men had entered the tavern with a look of intent. It took only a few moments for them to notice them, and they instantly made their way over. The younger woman looked at the Warden meaningfully, and she nodded in reply. Elissa just managed to get a quick glance off to the two men, but both were now in a difficult position. There was no way they could get to the other two without a distraction, so for the moment, they were on their own.

"You there, turn this way," demanded who both women assumed was the leader of the group. Arria obeyed and turned to face him fully.

"Is this not the woman that the Teryn gave us specific instructions to look out for?" asked another of the soldiers. Both Wardens swore internally; Loghain was certainly moving quickly to get rid of them, and it seemed he was convinced of their survival specifically. No doubt since he thought they would have been safe inside the Tower of Ishal, rather than a stroke of luck having kept them alive.

"Yes, and it seems the townsfolk have been lying to us. Maybe we should make an example." Elissa visibly paled at the unspoken threat to the innocent people of Lothering, while Arria suppressed an angry swing. This was not the time to launch an attack: not with Alistair and Roderick so far away and unable to help them.

"Gentlemen," a soft lilting voice called from nearby, drawing the attention of all parties involved. "Surely there is a more peaceful solution to this mess?" Arria turned to look at the owner of the voice. She was a Chantry sister with beautiful flame-red hair and deep green eyes, but held a posture which betrayed her true identity. Arria was sure no one else would have picked up on it: not unless they were trained in the arts of the Song, just as she was. A quick listen through her own Songs revealed she was a Bard. _But why is a Bard a Chantry sister?_

"Step aside, sister, or we will be forced to arrest you for assisting this traitor," snapped the leader. Elissa glanced over to their men and found they had silently drawn their weapons while slowly coming nearer to the fray. The sister had given them the distraction they needed to approach.

"I appreciate the assistance, sister, but it is not needed. I would request you remove yourself from the situation," suggested Arria gently.

"Oh, I am afraid not. You are going to need my help in a few seconds." Arria smiled in response to the leader's confused glance, but his attention was then grabbed by the sounds of two of his men hitting the floor unconscious, knocked out by both Alistair and Roderick. When they spun around Arria drove the blunt ends of her daggers into the sides of another soldier's head as Elissa kicked one in the stomach. Arria swore quietly as the leader managed to get call for backup out just before he was decked by their mysterious helper, and could hear another group of soldiers entering the tavern. Many of the civilians backed away as much as they could, allowing Roderick and Alistair to jump down to the lower level and form a front line of defence at the door. As the reinforcements rushed in, Elissa and their new ally joined the fray, stopping the men from being overwhelmed as Arria formed a plan to swing the odds back into their favour.

"Alistair, I need a hand!" she shouted to her fellow Warden, who jumped out and looked at her, understanding dawning in his eyes at her outstretched hand. He gained a strong foothold and faced the battle once more, stretching his hand above his head. Arria ran at full speed and grabbed on tight, allowing him to use his own strength and increase her speed further.

"Hit the deck!" he called out to all their companions, and all followed the instruction without hesitation. Alistair threw her with as much power as he could muster, watching as she flew through the air towards the crowd of ten men, with a perfectly timed spinning kick dropping five of them to the ground. She leapt backwards from the attack and joined her group as a stand-off began. It seemed their final stunt had given them pause, realising that perhaps it was not the best decision to pick a fight with the group before them. Arria glanced to her sides to find Alistair close by on her left with Roderick slightly further away on her right. Both Elissa and their mystery ally were behind him, their bows drawn and ready to fire at the first sign of danger. She smiled sweetly at the men before her, hesitation stopping them from blindly carrying out their orders.

"Well, why don't we just wait for your commander to wake up, shall we? I doubt he'll be out for long," she chimed, sharing a glance with Alistair. An approving smile was her response to her unspoken question.

It turned out that it was only five minutes before the commander woke up, but in the intervening time their scuffle had been moved to a corner of the tavern, allowing business to resume as normal. The other soldiers had stood down in an agreement which saw the two sides wait for the awakening of the leader. When he awoke, he immediately jumped into a battle stance, but at the eased posture of his men could only assume they had been defeated; though they still had their weapons… "What do you want?" he asked defiantly, keeping a level stare with Arria as she stepped forward.

"An end to this senseless bloodshed. Your men conceded defeat, and now we want you to send a message back to Loghain," she replied coldly, and the commander stiffened slightly at the icy stare he was receiving. Alistair struggled to hold back his laughter at the slight panic in the man's eyes: he really did feel sorry for him. Angering Arria was not the best idea, not knowing what she could do.

"Wh-what do you want me to tell him?"

Arria stared harshly at him for a few more seconds, watching with satisfaction as a bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face. When she felt he was suitably unnerved, she turned her back to him and ambled back to Alistair's side, only partially turning to face him again as she delivered her answer. "Tell him the Grey Wardens know what really happened."

The man stood to his full height once more. "I will. Move out!" The soldiers gathered whichever of their comrades were still unconscious and made a quick exit. Once they were all gone Arria breathed a deep sigh of relief as Alistair finally let loose his laughter.

Arria looked at him strangely. "Sorry, but his face was priceless. He was scared of a woman who probably weighs half what he does," sniggered Alistair.

She raised an eyebrow. "This coming from someone who I could probably deck in one hit?" He instantly stopped laughing, and she giggled in response. "Well, you had better not give me any reason to unleash that on you, shouldn't you?"

"Note to self, never tease someone who can ensure you never have children."

A small smirk settled on her face. "There's nothing wrong with teasing, just as long as it's in good nature."

He smiled at her. "You can be sure of that, I prefer keeping on your good side."

Arria's attention was stolen away by the approach of their unnamed ally. She bowed her head to the woman in gratitude. "I am thankful for your assistance, but…why would a Chantry sister help us?" Elissa and Roderick moved behind them in a show of support, as Alistair grabbed her hand in what seemed to be his own symbol of support. Arria reciprocated the gesture, unsure of how this would go.

The other woman sheathed her weapons before she spoke. "My name is Leliana, and I was told by the Maker himself to join you."

Everyone in the opposite party looked at each other in confusion. "As if we didn't have enough unpredictable in the form of Morrigan," whispered Alistair.

"Er…could you please explain that?" continued Arria, more than a little curious to hear the rest of this tale.

Leliana's face changed from smiling to unsure, as if to realise just how absurd her story was. "I-I know it sounds crazy, but I had a dream: a vision from the Maker, commanding me to follow you on your quest. You are Grey Wardens, sworn to end the Blight, are you not?"

"Well-"

"Arria," the aforementioned woman turned to face Elissa, "She's a Chantry sister, which would make any dealings with the Chantry all the easier. Plus, another archer isn't really going to go amiss, I can only do so much."

Arria thought this over. Elissa did raise some valid points, and having another person on side would help… "All right, welcome to the group," she said to Leliana, holding her hand out in greeting. The sister smiled happily and grasped it tightly, appreciating the chance being given to her. Elissa and Roderick began talking with her at greater length while Alistair puller Arria outside. As soon as they were outdoors Carou charged up to them and nuzzled her legs. "_Mi sistra, Carou,_" she spoke to him, petting him in assurance. Remembering her promise to teach Alistair her language, she smiled up to him and answered his unspoken question. "It means 'I'm unharmed'."

Alistair nodded. "Arria, are you sure about taking Leliana with us? I mean, she's a Chantry sister? How much fighting has she _actually _done?"

"She's a fighter at heart, Alistair; she's just hiding behind the Chantry robes."

"Hiding from what and how do you know that? Another one of your hidden talents?"

She didn't care much for his tone. "And if it is, so what? You don't know everything about me, and I would remind you of what I said earlier, I can deck you in one hit."

He scoffed. "Really, let's see it then."

Arria growled in her throat as she turned away, Alistair trying her patience. With a slight anger in her heart she moved half a step away before dropping into a low swiping kick. Not expecting a low attack, Alistair fell backwards and before he could do anything to defend himself Arria had placed one dagger across his throat and another at his stomach, while she had used her legs to pin his own. He was surprised at what he saw in her eyes: anger he had seen coming, but not the hurt. Guilt washed over him at his words earlier, but before he could apologise she made her feelings known. "If you want to question my choices, you should have taken control. For a matter of fact, why don't you take charge and see what it feels like? If you are going to judge then you should be answerable to your actions too!"

She quickly stood and moved away, calming Carou who was growling nearby. The Mabari had picked up on her frustration, but also her fear. So far no-one knew that she _was _afraid of getting judged for all of her decisions, since it was some of her own decisions that led to the deaths of so many people in Merlinne. In her heart, she was scared of taking charge again, and Alistair was really not helping matters much. Deciding that she would leave her Mabari to set him straight, she re-entered the tavern to find Elissa at the doorway. "Oh, Arria! We were just looking for you, Leliana says that there is a qunari warrior currently being held by the Chantry, and we think he may be of some use. The Revered Mother has the key, and we were hoping you would come too." Arria nodded in response, but her mind seemed to be elsewhere. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah I'm fine, just thinking is all. Come on, let's go see the Revered Mother."

"Where's Alistair? Shall we not take him too?"

"Nah, he can go find Morrigan with Carou. Maker knows where she disappeared to."

Now that was the first clue to Elissa that something was wrong: she couldn't see Arria so willing to leave him behind normally. She hoped the two of them would sort it out as they left town, they were the last two people they could afford to have discord between.

* * *

"_What?!_" Alistair snapped in desperation at the Mabari. He had felt Carou's piercing stare since they had left the tavern in search of Morrigan. Alistair knew he was going to have to straighten his emotions out: that and his wounded pride meant he didn't really want to cross paths with Arria again at the moment. Her words had been ringing in his head since she had left him there on the ground, and he knew she was right. He had no right to question her decisions when he had blatantly handed her the responsibility. Part of him still thought it was wrong that he had left her in charge since he was the senior Warden, but the other, larger, part had won out. Arria's leadership had been seen both in the Korcari Wilds and the Tower of Ishal, and he could see she had experience. If he was being honest with himself, he had jumped at the chance to relieve himself of the burden: he was convinced things would go badly if he were in the lead. Though, when he did that he lost the right to judge Arria on what she did. He had made his choice, now he had to stand by it.

He realised then just how much of an arse he had been to Arria about it before, and his jibe about her 'hidden talents' had certainly been out of line. She was right, he didn't know much about her; they had only met six days ago, but with all they had been through and shared it felt like so much more. There was still so much more about her he needed to know. He now knew she had had been a prisoner of Arl Howe's, and that her whole family had died before she came to Ferelden. One would assume that was her reason for leaving her homeland, but how did end up in Howe's hands. It was a question he would ask her one day, but so far she had been decidedly cryptic in answering any direct questions other than about _her_, as a person. When they set up camp tonight, he was going to have to apologise. He looked at Carou who had stopped glaring at him, but had instead cocked his head, as if understanding Alistair's revelation. "Yeah, I know, sorry isn't quite going to cut this, is it? Any ideas?" Carou barked once. "Some help you are." A growl was his response. "Unlike Arria, I can't understand you." The hound trotted off to a selection of flowers. "Yeah, I somehow don't think Arria is a flower type of girl." Carou kept nudging at a certain type of flower, and Alistair went to take a closer look. Most of them were in bloom, but a few were still concealing their petals.

"We have a secret love of flowers, do we Templar?" Alistair wanted to snarl in response to the snarky comment, but he was still weary from his earlier argument with Arria.

"It's not for me, Morrigan. Arria and the others are still in the centre of town, why don't you go meet them there and leave me be for now?" he replied, trying in vain to keep the weariness out of his voice.

Morrigan relaxed her stance slightly and watched him closely. She could see he was emotionally drained. "Something has me curious, Templar."

"Only one?"

"Why did you kill those on the outskirts of Lothering earlier, yet let all of those guards go from the tavern?" Alistair turned questioning eyes to the witch. "I saw them running as if a demon itself were chasing them out of the town heading west. I see your female counterpart is as terrifying as ever."

He was tempted to snap at the sarcasm positively dripping off her tongue, but chose not to rise to the bait. "There was one major difference between those bandits and the soldiers. They were choosing to prey upon innocent people, and as a consequence their actions affected a lot more people. The soldiers, they were just following orders, and to kill them for that seems wrong, not when we had a choice about it."

"I see. And you spoke this to your counterpart to stop her bloodlust, did you?"

Now to that, Alistair did react. "She did that herself! She had the choice to kill them, but let them go free. You show me another person who would have chosen to spare _all_ of them, rather than killing them and stopping them from hunting us again. There has been more than enough death in recent days, and she shares that feeling just as I do!"

Morrigan crossed her arms. "Curious. You are angry at her, yet you choose to defend her?"

Alistair sighed. "I'm not angry at her, but I did end up venting on her unfairly. I'll have to apologise to her when I see her next. I chose to let her take the lead, and to judge her after doing that is not fair." Morrigan's confusion was evident. "Oh, that's right. We have a new companion."

"I know about the Cousland and her protector, Templar. We have already been introduced."

"Oh no, I mean _another _new companion. Seems like she has a few screws loose to me, but it's Arria's call."

"Interesting. And this is why you were annoyed with her?"

"Yes-No! I-Argh! Let's just go!"

* * *

When Alistair, Morrigan and Carou found the others, it was on the outskirts of the town with darkspawn corpses littered around them. It seemed that Leliana had been successful in convincing the Revered Mother to turn responsibility of the qunari warrior over to Arria, and Alistair prayed that was a decision they did not live to regret: the qunari were known the turn without any prior warning if that was what they deemed correct, and he freely admitted he did not know enough to be comfortable around the large warrior. Hopefully someone else knew more. Arria was talking to a what appeared to be a dwarven merchant, and it seemed they were heavy in discussion. "Rod," Alistair called over to the other shield user, drawing his attention away from Elissa, "what's going on?"

Roderick came and met him halfway as Morrigan carried on paying no heed while Carou bounded back to Arria's side. "Bunch of darkspawn ambushed this merchant, and we helped him out. Leliana managed to get the Revered Mother to give us Sten, the qunari, though whether that was such a bright idea I don't know…"

"Why?"

"Turns out he killed an entire family, that was why he was locked up. Despite knowing that, Arria chose to take him with us rather than killing him. Personally I think he is too dangerous to keep alive, though now that he is out of that cage it will be a lot more difficult to solve should that become a problem."

"Wait, Arria had the choice to kill and him and chose to take him with us?"

"Yeah, something about qunari honour wouldn't let him turn on us without warning or something like that…It sounded like she has encountered qunari before, and she certainly seemed to know how to speak to him. Elissa trusts her, so I went along with it."

Alistair was troubled by that, but knew he wouldn't say anything to Arria for now, he'd already stuck his foot in it today and didn't want to do it again. The camp tonight might be a better time to approach her. He watched as she shook hands with the dwarf, a smile on her face, and turned to see her group now fully assembled. "We should set up camp just outside of town, and plan out next move from there. A good night's rest is what we are all in desperate need of right now." A small murmur of agreement echoed out from the group, and Alistair realised painfully that she would not look him in the eye. Her eyes were what gave her emotions away, and the fact that she wouldn't let him see inside was the biggest indicator that she was still hurt over what had happened earlier.

He didn't have long to ponder on this however, as a group of refugees met them on the road, their weapons drawn. Many eyes widened as they realised what it was that might be about to happen, and Arria's heart hit the floor. _Please don't do it…_

"We heard them, those soldiers. You're a Grey Warden. Now I don't care if you done them things they said you have, but that money on your heads could save a lot of lives. Get them!"

The group were thrust into a bloody battle, but it was a short one. The refugees had left them no choice but to strike them down, their hearts set on killing the Wardens or die trying. It was with heavy hearts they surveyed the damage caused and Alistair's eyes sought out Arria. He found her standing over the body of the leader, looking at her hands in a slight horror at what had occurred. There had been no choice, but with the guilt she carried it didn't matter. It was another innocent life ended by her hands. He started walking towards her but didn't get much closer before she shot him a quick glance and pulled herself together. "Come on, we need to find a suitable campsite," she shouted before marching on ahead, shutting out all those behind her.

Alistair sighed deeply, a deep ache in his heart at being shut out but he supposed he deserved it for how he had treated her earlier. He was surprised when he felt Elissa's hand on his shoulder and saw her smiling at him. "Give her time, it's been an emotional day. Let her sleep it off and go from there."

He nodded mutely in agreement, agreeing that it was probably all he could do for now.

* * *

Arria tossed and turned in her sleep, seeing visions of a large dragon haunt her dreams and thoughts. It roared in displeasure and the sounded echoed through her to what felt like her soul itself. With a choked scream she woke from the dream, a chill coursing through her body. It wasn't unlike her usual nightmares, though the cold sweat she woke in was just as unnerving. She hadn't felt like speaking to anyone after finding their spot to camp for the night, and she was wishing for _someone_ to talk to. Carou just wouldn't be enough right now.

"Bad dreams, huh?" she whipped around and sit up sharply, her eyes landing on Alistair sat six feet away from her, the fire behind him highlighting his form against the darkness.

Arria wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to keep what little heat she had in. "The Archdemon?"

"Yeah. Not the prettiest sight in the world."

"I've seen worse."

Alistair kept his eyes on Arria's own, desperate to catch her attention. He noticed her slight shiver, it wasn't exactly warm out, though it wasn't cold either. The dream had shaken her, and with all the emotional energy she had expended throughout the day. He picked up the blanket from his own bedroll and sat next to her, not missing the fact she still wouldn't look at him. "Cold?" She nodded slightly, trying to banish the memories that she associated with the cold: of months spent in a dark, damp cell with nothing more than a tunic to keep out the chill of the night and keep prying eyes away from her vulnerable form. When she felt arms wrap around her she jumped slightly, but then she recognised Alistair's scent and went willingly into his warm embrace. It had become a safe haven of sorts for her, and right now all she wanted was to feel _safe._ He lay back and pulled her with him as he lay both his blanket and hers on top of them, helping to put some heat back into her body. She felt him breathe her in, and as he whispered into her hair. "I'm sorry, I had no right to judge you. Forgive me?"

She smiled earnestly and nuzzled into his neck. "I don't blame you,_ I'm_ not sure of what I'm doing. And yes, of course I forgive you."

He couldn't miss her involuntary stiffening as it twigged he wasn't wearing his armour now, just his clothes. It hadn't even crossed his mind that it might alarm her. "Too much?"

"No, it just caught me by surprise. It's comfier actually." He smiled as she snuggled in tighter, glad they were back to normal. By now most people were asleep, though Elissa and Roderick were talking quietly in the darkness as they kept watch. He watched them interact and his thoughts turned to something that Roderick had called him up on when they were in the tavern back in Lothering.

"_You're very protective of her, aren't you?" he had asked of the Warden, keeping a watchful eye on the girls in the back as they ordered more drinks._

"_Well, we are the only two Wardens left in all of Ferelden. All we have left is each other," answered Alistair._

"_Okay, so there is that, but there is a definite closeness between you that goes beyond mere friendship," continued Roderick._

"_What are you getting at here?"_

"_Come on, I used to be exactly like you with Lissa, and it took me far too long to see how deep our bond went. It took me the best part of two years to figure out how I felt for her, and when I did it took another few months of dancing around the issue before I finally asked her if she wanted to give us a shot. Turns out it was the best gamble I ever made."_

"_Rod, I don't feel that way about Arria, I've not even known her a week."_

"_You may not think that now, but think about this. What would you not do for her? How far would you go to protect her? When you can give me a true and honest answer to that, then you'll know it yourself."_

As held the younger woman in his arms, Alistair pondered these questions. Up until now, his emotions had been a mess with the grief of what had happened at Ostagar, and he regretted having taken that out on her earlier that day. Now that it was behind them, he seriously thought about what Roderick had asked him. What wouldn't he do for Arria? At this moment in time he couldn't really think of anything. How far would he go to protect her? He already knew that if there was a strike poised to end her, he would willingly throw himself between them. The revelation itself was not what startled Alistair, but the certainty in his head and heart that went with it. From the moment he had carried her back to their tent in Ostagar he had found he was determined to protect her, though he couldn't figure out why.

Maybe Roderick was right: maybe there was more than friendship in his heart for her, though given she was still subconsciously afraid of him, he wasn't sure there was anything could happen between them yet. Time was a strange thing however, and with it he could possibly figure it out.

Arria brought her head up slowly and Alistair followed her line of sight, and saw Carou walking over to them slowly. As he approached, Arria held out a hand for him and he licked it lightly. "We're okay now, Carou." He barked happily and moved to settle down along her back, acting as a living shield in case anything came near her. She smiled at him and petted him as he gave a large yawn.

"Is that him saying he's happy we made up?" Arria's nod confirmed his suspicions. Alistair scratched his ear lightly and Carou twitched slightly from his dozy state. "Me too, boy, me too." His attention switched to Arria and he stroked her hair as she re-settled. "Sleep well, Arria. You're safe now."

With a contented sigh she drifted into a deep sleep, knowing he was telling the truth. Thoughts of her nightmares plaguing her were far from her mind and when she awoke a little while later still wrapped in his arms completely at ease, she surrendered to sleep's embrace with a new hope in her heart. There was a future after all.

* * *

Hope you all enjoy the end of Lothering. Writing in Elissa and Roderick is tough, but it is giving me the chance to expand on the story in an entirely new way. Let me know what you think!

Negative Angel


	9. The Calm Before

Once again thanks to all those who favourited/followed but biggest thanks to my fabulous reviewers: **LadyMimzy, likarian, Musicalrain, YunikuRebekit, Eve Hawke **and **FenZev! **

Easy times are about to end for the group. Now we start their struggles in earnest!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: The Calm Before**

Alistair and Arria had got about five hours sleep when they were shaken aware by Elissa. "There's something you guys need to see," she had said with a happy smile on her face. Her obvious joy had stopped alarm from building up, but had instead piqued their curiosities. As they walked with her to the other side of the camp Arria spotted Roderick talking to two much smaller figures. Figures that she recognised from Lothering.

"Bodahn! What are you and Sandal doing here?" she greeted. When she had spoken to the merchant dwarf after their rescue in Lothering, he had declined her offer to travel with them, unsure of keeping company with Grey Wardens, not that she had blamed him in the slightest. She had been upfront and honest with him, not wanting to conceal the fact both he and Sandal would probably be in a lot of danger should they choose to join them.

"Ah-haha! Lady Arria! I have been looking for you: you are your friends are a tough group to find," answered the elder dwarf in his usual upbeat manner.

"But why…?"

"Bodahn has decided that he wants to travel with us. All he asks is that we protect he, Sandal and his caravan on the road, and he'll provide supplies for us!" chipped in Elissa, clearly excited at the idea.

Arria shared a quick look with Alistair and the surprised smile on his face portrayed his own thoughts. She faced Bodahn with a curious smile of her own. "Why the change of heart?"

"Well, my boy and I ain't the fighting sorts, but you lot are. We can help each other out in these tough times; and not only will I provide supplies for you and your group, I offer you a special discount too! Everything you will ever want or need for rock bottom prices!"

All four of the humans around him chuckled. "A merchant by and trade and at heart," whispered Alistair into Arria's ear. She couldn't help but chuckle.

"We would be delighted to have you join us, Bodahn. You too Sandal. Please, make yourselves comfortable," welcomed Arria as she held out a hand for the dwarf to shake, which he took heartily.

"Well then, let me present a gift of gratitude to all of you: tents and extra gear for sleeping. Take them, I insist!"

The group were shocked, but nevertheless thanked the dwarf for his generosity. He bowed theatrically to Arria who laughed at the display as she and Alistair walked off, distributing tents to the other members of the group. There were enough tents for everyone to have one of their own, and Elissa blushed in embarrassment when Arria handed her one for both herself and Rod with a suggestive wink. Alistair had handed one each to Leliana and Sten at the edge of camp while Arria walked over to give one to Morrigan.

The witch's attention was captivated by a book and took no notice of Arria as she placed the supplies next to her own fire. The Warden wandered behind her and took in what was written on the pages: no doubt Morrigan assumed that she was unable to read the ancient script as she continued to ignore the younger woman. _Oh I'm going to enjoy this, _thought Arria as she realised just _what _it was Morrigan was reading about.

"And so it was that Dumat, the ancient Dragon of Silence, became the first Archdemon, corrupted and twisted by the darkspawn to be the herald of a new age, and bring about the first Blight," spoke Arria from the book, almost amused as Morrigan slowly comprehended what she was reading and snapped the book shut. "Well, and here I thought you were simply tagging along, determined to do your own thing." Arria dropped the sarcasm and turned serious. "Are you reading up on how to stop the Blight?"

Morrigan glared at the younger woman. "Where did you learn to read the ancient scripts?"

She shrugged. "Tis common knowledge among my people, Morrigan. As I'm sure you have figured out, I am not of Ferelden descent, thus have different knowledge to them."

"Yes, you are not nearly so narrow-minded, nor are you so oblivious." Her cat-like eyes pierced into Arria's own, as if to decipher the riddle which was the woman before her. "You have been taught to be observant, just as I have, and you are very good at it. It seems you are also an adept actress, for you have all of these fools falling for your act."

"And what act might that be?" asked Arria, her voice suddenly lacking any warmth.

"I can feel the Fade surrounding you, as if it has touched your very soul. You are no mage, yet you have been trained in the arts of magic; if I didn't know better I would say you could cast your very own spells, though you possess no staff."

"This concerns you how…?"

"You are dangerous, not only to us but to Ferelden itself. You are something new, something I have never come across nor read about. I'm beginning to wonder just who and _what _it is that you are."

Arria snarled and glared back at Morrigan. "_What _I am is of no concern to you Morrigan. You are not all-knowing, and despite what you may think, I am not some malevolent force. Yes, I have had some training in the ways of Spirit Magic, but cannot wield it. I have been taught to resist Blood Magic, and how best to combat it. My arts may seem alien to you, but they are not, as you seem to hint at, some sign that I am an abomination waiting to happen. I can control myself, and am no danger to anyone here but I do warn you of this: if you should even so much as _hint_ at the conversation which just occurred here, despite what I said to Flemeth about ensuring your safety, I will _end you_." With no doubt left as to sincerity of her threat, Arria stormed away, unaware of the smile which flitted across Morrigan's face at their encounter, as if the younger woman had just passed some sort of test. Satisfied for now, she resumed her reading.

The young Warden reigned herself in as she approached the main camp again, but was too slow at dispelling her fury from her eyes as Alistair approached. "What happened?" he asked as soon as he was close enough his amber eyes looking deep into her blue ones.

She growled in her throat and shot an icy glare behind her as she answered. "Just Morrigan being her usual charming self, nothing more." His eyes probed hers a little more but when he saw that she was telling the truth he decided to let it go, allowing the smirk which had previously been on his face before he had seen her anger find its way back. Arria was a little unsettled at the look. "What…?"

"Oh, I was just a little curious about the interaction between you and Bodahn earlier. Why was he bowing to you?"

Arria giggled in response. "Ah, Bodahn told me back in Lothering that I reminded him of the daughter of a noble he used to trade with years ago across the Waking Sea, back when he first left Orzammar. As such, I think he feels he should treat me like nobility."

"Not telling me something, are we?"

She elbowed him lightly. "Hardly, I'm just of common birth Alistair, nothing special about me: though I suppose being the daughter of nobility would be pretty nice. I should maybe ask Lissa about it sometime."

"Yeah…"

Arria focused in on the sort of dazed look Alistair had about him, and realised that maybe this conversation had struck a nerve. "Say it."

Alistair's eyes lost their glazed look and he re-focused on her. "Huh?"

"There was something in your eyes there that says maybe there is something _you _aren't telling me…?"

A momentary panic took over Alistair's eyes. "How do you do that?"

"An older brother who taught me far too well, now spill." He sighed deeply, warring internally over whether to tell her the truth, but a memory stirred within her before he could decide. "Does this have something to do with when you said to Flemeth that Arl Eamon raised you?"

He spluttered a little before answering. "Did I say that? I meant that dogs raised me: giant slobbering dogs from the Anderfels, a whole pack of them in fact."

Arria smiled and played along. "Oh? That must have been difficult for them."

"Well they were flying dogs you see. Surprisingly strict parents, and devout Andrastians to boot."

"Uh-huh…" She smiled gently and took his hand lightly, not missing his internal struggle as he looked away. "Alistair, please…I want to get to know you too. Our past is what shapes us, but it isn't what _defines_ us."

He sighed and gripped back, his sign to her that he was willing to try. "Let's see, where do I start? I'm a bastard, and before you start making any smart comments…" He noticed her bite her lip but she didn't bother hiding the sparkle of mirth in her eyes, "I mean the fatherless kind. My mother was a serving girl at Redcliffe Castle who died giving birth to me, after which the Arl took me in. He didn't need to, but he was good to me: he put a roof over my head and made me feel like I was family." She sensed there was some sort of pain to come yet, the reason for his insecurities. "When the Arl married a young woman from Orlais, she despised the rumours that pegged me as his bastard. So, at the first chance she got, she had me shipped off to the Chantry and out of the picture."

Arria felt immense sadness at how he'd been treated. "What a horrible thing to do to a child."

Alistair shrugged. "Maybe, but I can see now that I was a threat to her, and I'll bet her wondering on whether the rumours were true is what caused it. I remember…I used to have an amulet with Andraste's holy symbol on it, the only thing left of my mother's. When I was sent away, I was so furious that I ripped it off and shattered it as I threw it at the wall." A pained expression came across his face. "Such a stupid thing to do…In that moment I lost all I had of my mother and I had lost what little family I had ever known."

She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. "How old were you?"

"Only ten at the time."

"So what happened after that?"

"I was raised in the Chantry, during which I was trained as a Templar. I hated living there, but the training at least gave me a way to…cope."

"To cope with being alone." At his slow nod she drew him in for a gentle hug. Alistair was surprised that she had initiated the move, but slowly wrapped his arms around her tiny waist as she whispered into his ear. "You aren't alone anymore, and neither am I. We'll end this thing together, I promise you." It had taken her this long to see just how much reassurance he needed, but now that she knew, she was going to help him heal just as he was helping her. His road would not be nearly so long, but that didn't mean it wasn't just as difficult.

Laughter from nearby caught their attention and the separated to see that Roderick had tangled Elissa up in the canvas of the tent in the midst of putting it up and was now tickling her mercilessly. "No, Rod-Aha-Please stop!" she just managed to squeak out as she was reduced to mass of giggles. The sounds had caught the attention of Leliana, who left Sten to guard on his own as she investigated. When she found the disturbance she began giggling herself.

Roderick smiled over to the two Wardens and nodded his head towards Elissa. "Fancy giving me a hand here Wardens?"

"_No!" _squealed Elissa at the thought of getting tickled by not only Roderick but the other two as well.

Alistair smiled mischievously at Arria before turning back to the couple. "Sure, why not?"

Elissa shouted out as Alistair joined in with both Arria and Leliana laughing on the side lines. "Arria, help!" called the black-haired woman in a single moment of breath before the two men ganged up on her again.

Arria smirked at Leliana, at which the sister raised an eyebrow before Arria whistled. Carou perked up at the sound and stood ready for a command. "Carou!" she called, drawing the attentions of both men. While as a pair they may not have been afraid of Arria the Mabari was a different story… "_Laress."_

As soon as the hound broke into a run, so did the two men. "Oh no no no! No fair Arria!" complained Alistair as he took off into the trees with Rod hot on his heels. She nearly doubled over laughing at the sheer panic on their faces.

Leliana struggled to get her giggling under control as Elissa managed to untangle herself and join them. "You didn't tell him to attack them, did you?" asked Elissa breathlessly.

Arria took a few deep breaths and she got her laughter under control. "Of course not, I told him to go play." The other two women giggled a little, then burst into full on laughs as they heard the two men shouting at the dog in the distance.

Elissa's laughter died away slightly and Arria noticed the melancholy look on her face. "What is it Lissa?"

The younger woman wiped away a lone unwanted tear. "I just wonder how Carou would have got on with my own Mabari, Hallai. We lost her in Highever and I wish…I miss her so much…" Elissa received hugs from both Arria and Leliana at the revelation, comforting her as the woman continued to deal with her grief. Arria had almost forgotten that Elissa and Roderick were grieving just as much as she and Alistair were at having lost their home, and it gave her new drive to see Howe ended sooner rather than later: the bastard was going to die for his crimes, that she swore.

When Carou reappeared looking quite smug, the girls were all confused. It was only when the two men reappeared half a minute later covered in slobber did they understand and collapsed back into laughter. It wasn't too long before they joined them and the group's laughter rang out through the night, bringing a small glimmer of joy before the road ahead had the chance to snuff it out.

* * *

Once dawn had broken and the group were all awake again did they plan out their next move. It was decided that they should head first to Redcliffe and obtain the support of Arl Eamon before deciding on their next destination, hoping that the Arl himself would have some ideas to that end. Morrigan and Sten had remained silent throughout the discussion apart from one instance where they both expressed their preferred course of action: a head on fight. While many of the group had a great desire for such a thing, logic won out in that they just could not compete with Loghain's sheer mass of soldiers. Everyone there may be skilled fighters, but they still were not enough.

Two more days of travelling had brought them to Redcliffe, with everyone feeling refreshed and happy, save for Alistair. His conscience had been gnawing at him since he had confessed his past to Arria; well, half his past. He had still left out his greatest secret and with Redcliffe, the place where he had spent his early years, looming fast, he knew he was going to have to confess soon, lest Arria find out from another source the truth about his birth. His heart grew heavy as he saw the village come into focus from the cliffs above and knew that the moment for the truth had come. Before they had the chance to descend he grabbed Arria's hand and guided her towards him. She looked at him curiously and grew worried at the turmoil she saw in his amber eyes. "Alistair?" she asked quietly, almost afraid of what could be troubling him so.

"Can we talk for a second? There's…something I need to tell you," he replied sullenly. Arria called Elissa and Rod who were currently leading the group and told them to give her five minutes. Once that was taken care of Alistair led her down a small path on the side of the mountain to a small ledge. It had been invisible from above and Arria marvelled at the fabulous view of Redcliffe it gave. "I used to come here when I needed to get away: when I needed to hide. But there's no hiding from this." He faced Arria with a determination in his face, hoping that his courage didn't fail him now. "You know when I told you about my mother? That she was a serving girl in Redcliffe castle and that Eamon took me in when she died? You never asked why Eamon did it."

"I…I assumed it was because he felt it was his duty: a woman in his service died leaving her baby without a mother, and he did all he could in the situation. Alistair you told me that Eamon wasn't your father so why…?"

"Eamon is the brother of former Queen Rowan, so he's the brother in law of King Maric…which I suppose makes him, my uncle, in a manner of speaking."

Arria froze. "Wh-What?"

Alistair sighed, knowing he had to get these words out, if nothing else than to fully accept them himself. "My father…was King Maric." At Arria's hurt expression he hastily added his reasons. "Look, I would have told you before but I just-I wanted you to think of me as just Alistair, not the bastard son of the last King of Ferelden. My parentage doesn't mean anything to me, I've been raised as a commoner and told that is all I should ever expect from it: I have no claim to the throne whatsoever. Arria I-I'm sorry, I should have told you before…"

Arria turned away from him, reeling from the revelation. She felt hurt that he hadn't told her the truth. _But when you think of how little you've told him…_ Alistair knew only a snippet of her past, and had just revealed to her probably the biggest secret he held. A flicker of shame ran through her at the thought, but there were certain things she couldn't tell him, not yet anyway. With how their friendship was developing it was very possible that she might have the confidence to tell him someday, though she didn't want him to look at her differently once he knew the truth.

Alistair had just said it himself, he didn't want Arria to look at him differently knowing the truth, and she was going to damn well make sure she fulfilled that wish. And if she could prove that to him then maybe he _could _look at her the same way he did now, even knowing what her past held. She kept her back to him as she spoke, hoping that her voice didn't betray her inner conflict. "So…you're not only a bastard, but a royal bastard?" she finished, finally facing him again with a sparkle in her eyes.

He laughed quietly. "Yeah, I am. You…don't think differently of me now, do you?"

She pretended to ponder on it. "Hmmm, still a Grey Warden? Check. Still a lovable dolt? Check. Still the person I depend on more than anything in this world…?" The shock in his eyes at her declaration didn't go amiss and she smiled at him warmly. "Check. Nope, I don't think of you differently, it just adds another layer to what makes you, _you." _As was customary between them now in serious discussions, Arria took his hand and Alistair gripped back firmly a hopeful smile on his face. "I told you this the other night, Alistair. Your past may shape you, but it doesn't define you. I hold those words close to my heart and I hope you can too. We are shaping our own destinies here. Okay we will have to face that Archdemon at some point, there is no escaping that: but how we get there is our own choice, and the past does not need to impact that. So what you are King Maric's son? Do you think telling that to the Archdemon is going to make it run away in fear?"

He burst out laughing. "Now that would be funny to see."

"Just like you dancing the Remigold in a dress would be."

His smile faltered slightly. "Oh yeah, forgot I said that."

Her eyes twinkled. "I haven't, and I think I might just have to see that happen someday." The return to their usual banter lightened the mood, but thoughts of the King…Arria gasped and brought a hand up to Alistair's face. "I can't believe I didn't see it before."

"See what?"

"The similarities between the two of you: between you and Cailan. I wasn't looking before but now that I knew you were siblings-"

"Half siblings."

"You wouldn't know it just from looking at the two of you. The Theirin bloodline must be pretty potent."

"Yeah, I guess so…"

"There is one thing we haven't thought about in all this." He looked at her, urging her to go on. "With Cailan dead, that makes _you_ next in succession."

Alistair looked away. "Don't remind me, please. It's bad enough that I've known since Ostagar without you having the knowledge too."

"What do we do then? It's pretty clear to me that you don't want to be King, but we can't let Loghain go on as Regent, we need to do something."

"Eamon has the exact same claim to the throne as Anora does: through marriage, and Eamon is a well-respected and popular man. We need to talk to him about this, trying to puzzle this out ourselves isn't going to get us anywhere."

"Right. So…not hiding anything else are we?"

"Apart from my unholy love of fine cheeses and a minor obsession with my hair, no. Just the prince thing," he replied, drawing a small laugh from Arria. "You aren't upset, are you?"

"No, I understand. I have no right to feel hurt when there is so much I haven't told you, and I hope can gain the same courage you have and reveal it someday."

Alistair pulled her in for a hug and she went willingly. "I hope so too, and thank you. I feel unworthy of such a compliment." As she pulled back he lay a feather light kiss on her forehead, leaving her smiling. Never before had Alistair had a friendship with such physicality, but it left no doubt as to their closeness. He clamped down on the stray thought that it might be due to something deeper: now was not the time to be thinking of such things. "Come on, we need to get to Eamon."

* * *

Once they arrived in Redcliffe, the group saw just what horrors had befallen the small village. A young man had taken them to see Murdock, the village mayor, who had filed them in on what had happened in the past few nights. Hordes of undead were attacking the village, and with the numbers of villagers now only in the thirties, it left them with very little hope of surviving the night, not without some expert guidance since there had been no word from the castle for days. Upon hearing what needed to be done, Arria had split her group into several smaller bands to help around the village. Elissa and Roderick were off to see a dwarf called Dwyn and try to convince him to stand with the militia while Leliana and Morrigan were to see the knights led by Ser Perth, hoping to find out key areas of weakness. Arria had spoken with Sten quietly and the qunari had agreed to look for major points of weakness in Redcliffe's defences, as well find potentially advantageous spots for the militia to make their stand. That left Arria, Alistair and Carou to talk with the Revered Mother and see if there was any way to fortify the Chantry to better protect what citizens remained who could not fight. Upon seeing there was no way to strengthen it further, they came to the conclusion it would probably be best for the bulk of the fighters to make their stand in the square outside, and preparations began in earnest.

It was while the two Wardens were helping to repair a barricade across one of the windows that a new figure entered the Chantry, one who would bring grave news to them. "I heard from Murdock that there were two Grey Wardens here, may I have the honour of meeting such prestigious persons?"

"I wouldn't exactly prestigious is the right word, Bann Teagan," replied Alistair as he went to greet the other man who was also his uncle.

"Alistair? By the Maker, it really is you, isn't it!" Teagan embraced Alistair heartily and the younger man reciprocated the gesture. "It's been a long time, my boy. Look at you, a young man and a Grey Warden to boot. You've done well for yourself."

"I've not done it all on my own, Teagan. Arria?" he beckoned as he saw his younger companion jumping down from the scaffold she had stood upon and meet the Bann. "Arria, this is Bann Teagan, Arl Eamon's brother. Teagan, this is Arria Rivell, the only surviving Grey Warden along with myself, and probably the reason I'm still here rather than having died with Cailan at Ostagar."

Arria blushed at the introduction and elbowed Alistair gently. "He exaggerates, my lord. It's an honour to meet you, Bann Teagan."

"Oh please, my lady, the honour is mine. It takes a woman of great strength and patience to keep a reign on Alistair, I am sure."

"Yes, well he certainly has his moments."

"Hey!" cried Alistair indignantly. "That was revenge for before, wasn't it?"

"But of course," she smiled sweetly, biting back a laugh as she saw him fight the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

"I take it back, you're just as bad an influence as he is, and probably the best thing for him," laughed Teagan as he watched the Wardens interact. It was clear to him that they shared a deep bond, and he hoped that level of trust between them would see them through the trials ahead. "You could not have come at a better time: with Eamon incapacitated we will need your leadership to get us through the night."

"Incapacitated?" asked Alistair, a deep worry knowing at his gut. Arria took his hand as she always usually did, but her grip was slightly tighter than normal, giving away her won worry at the announcement. "Teagan what has happened to Eamon?"

"Eamon is deathly ill, and has been since before this whole mess started. That is the reason for the struggles in the village: all of our soldiers are out searching for a way to save Eamon's life, and we have been left defenceless. We still do not know what happened to him, and no-one has answered any of my shouts to the castle; it is entirely possible that all within are already dead." He didn't fail to notice the flicker of pain across Alistair's face or the defeat on Arria's. "But we can worry about all this later, right now we need to see the village through the night. I understand your people are already helping to prepare."

"Yes, we have sent some our group to help as best we can, hopefully they will have had some success. We should go talk to them and see what has happened." It was at that moment that Arria noticed Leliana dashing out of the Chantry doors. "I hadn't even noticed Leliana coming in. I wonder what she needed."

"I shan't keep you any longer. Good luck with the preparations and Maker's blessings upon you. I will see what I can do to get the villagers to safety."

Alistair and Arria left Teagan to it and stepped outside to see the progress on the fortification of the square. Barricades had been set up and a large bonfire prepared for the onslaught. At Arria's suggestion vantage points for archers had been set up on the roofs of some houses and debris piled on the jetties to bottleneck any undead which chose to surface from the lake. Sten then reported to her about a possible point to ambush forces coming from the cliffs next to the windmill which Arria agreed with, then asking the qunari to help with the building of the barricades. Elissa and Roderick soon returned and informed them of their success in convincing Dwyn to join them in battle before asking them to search the village for a young boy named Bevin, who had gone missing from the Chantry earlier that day. His sister Kaitlyn had been frantic when the Wardens were in the Chantry earlier and had promised to look for him. The couple nodded and left as Murdock approached asking for the pair to help convince Owen, the blacksmith, to fix the militias armour. It seemed the mayor had been unable to bring him around and hoped they might have a bit more luck. Arria's eyes drifted to the sun, which was beginning to get very low in the sky. They didn't have a lot of time to convince him before they ran out to make the repairs. With a confirmation to try, Arria and Alistair went to the blacksmith's door. Before there was an answer she turned and smiled to Carou who was watching them closely. He barked happily and then settled again, happy that his mistress was safe for now and didn't need his help.

"Go away…just leave me be. I told you I don't want nothing to do with it!" slurred a voice from inside.

Arria shared a look with Alistair before speaking back. "Owen?"

"Who are you? You some lackey of Murdock's come to convince me into helping 'em? Jus' get lost, you hear me!"

"Please Owen, I just want to talk with you. Can't you let me in? Talking through a door isn't exactly ideal."

There was no answer for several seconds and Arria was about to try a different tactic when the bolts on the door were undone. A gentle push of the door allowed the two Wardens to enter, though what first assaulted their senses was the smell of alcohol: not something you would traditionally associate with a smithy. "Somebody's been drinking," stated Alistair quietly, at which Arria nodded. They would have to be careful here as a drunk man could turn on them at any second.

"All right, so I let you in. What you wanting?" snapped the drunken man.

"Why have you locked yourself in here, Owen? You don't strike me as a cowardly man, so you must have a reason for it," began Arria, hoping she was judging the man before her right.

At the pained expression on his face, it seemed she had. "My girl, Valena, she's trapped up in the castle. I've not heard a thing in days, and Murdock refuses to send men to look for her. Without her, I haven't got anything worth living for…"

"If we find Valena, will you help Murdock's men defend the village?"

"And how are you going to find her?"

"We can't tonight, but if we survive this attack, I swear to you tomorrow that we will set out for the castle with the intention of finding her."

"Not good enough! I want a promise! A promise that you'll bring her back to me."

Arria looked torn for a second, and felt Alistair's hand grip her shoulder in support. "I can't promise you that we will bring her back, but I can promise you that we will try with everything we have."

Owen thought this over for a few seconds before a new light came into his eyes. "You're an honest woman, and if nothing else you've given me hope. Right then, time to get the smithy going! We've got a lot of work to do to be ready for nightfall."

"Thank you, Owen." With that, the pair of them took their leave.

"Arria, do you really think there is any chance that Valena could still be alive?"

"We don't know one way or the other, Alistair, so yes there is a chance. And at least we could give him hope: you know just how potent that can be." Alistair nodded in acceptance as Elissa and Roderick re-joined them. "That was fast."

"We found Bevin in his house, clinging to this sword." Elissa brought forth a beautifully crafted blade from her back. "Once we brought him back to Kaitlyn we bought this off them for three sovereigns. Once this whole mess is over, that should give them a chance to start again."

Arria nodded. "How much of your remaining coins did you give to them?"

"Almost all," admitted Roderick. "We maybe have thirty silver left."

"We have about four sovereigns, but that is to split between all of us," added Alistair.

"Even with Bodahn's discounts that doesn't leave us an awful lot to spare."

The conversation was ended as Leliana and Morrigan joined them. "Leliana, what were you in the Chantry for earlier? I saw you leaving but couldn't catch you to ask what you were doing," inquired Arria.

Leliana grimaced. "The knights wanted the protection of Andraste, but the Revered Mother said she has blessed them as much as she could. All she could think of which might give them a morale boost were some amulets with Andraste's holy symbol on them, but it feels like trickery to me."

"Why not use it if it will succeed?" stated Morrigan. "We are in desperate times, we cannot afford to let morality cloud our path."

Arria could positively feel the anger radiating off Alistair and judging by the faces of everyone around them she guessed that they felt the same way about Morrigan's statement. By now Arria had realised that Morrigan's sense of right and wrong was very different to their own. It was much more…practical. It was going to make for some heated encounters further down the line, of that she was sure. _If we make it through tonight,_ she thought absently. "Right, that's almost everything ready. We need to talk to Murdock and see if anything else needs doing. Head to the Chantry for now and we'll form a battle plan when we return." The rest of them moved over to Carou, who was still in his sentry position outside the structure. She turned to Alistair before walking off. "Come on, let's hope that was the last thing we need."

As it turned out, that was the last, and Murdock thought the militia could now be ready by nightfall. Arria told him to gather them outside of the Chantry to go over a battle plan for an hour's time and he nodded. After asking about Bann Teagan's whereabouts from the mayor, the two Wardens made the climb up to the windmill to join both he and Ser Perth. "Are we prepared?" asked the Bann.

"As we'll ever be," answered Alistair. "Let's just hope it's all enough."

"What do we do now then?" wondered Ser Perth aloud.

"We wait for nightfall," stated Arria. "I will be going over a battle plan shortly outside the Chantry, I would request you to both be there." The pair nodded in affirmation and went to join the rest of the village.

Once they were gone, Arria wandered slowly over to the edge of the decking and surveyed the people below her. Memories of the last day of her people touched on the edge of her mind: of planning for a battle they were almost certain to lose. The difference this time was that they had a realistic hope of victory. Their preparations would hopefully turn the tide to their favour, and maybe they could save what little remained of the village. And once this was over, their next destination was the castle, hoping beyond all hope that those inside were still alive.

Alistair stepped next to her and followed her line of sight out to the horizon. "You're trembling, I can feel it through the wood."

She chuckled. "Of course I'm scared. The lives of all these people are in our hands and I'm petrified we are going to let them down. What if this ends up being too much and we should have evacuated the village?"

"That wasn't an option and you know it: if we had run then whoever is left alive in the castle was doomed."

"Didn't you ask me not that long ago if I truly believed that anyone could be alive in that castle?"

"Well, you managed to give Owen hope, why can't I sponge some of that too?" answered Alistair with a smile. Arria crossed her arms and immersed herself deep in her thoughts as she watched rainclouds forming in the distance. _Great, just what we need._ She jumped slightly as she felt his arm curl around her waist and pull her into his side. "We can't afford to fall here, Arria. All of Ferelden is counting on us to end this Blight. We _will _be victorious."

Arria leant into him and tried to believe in that as hard as he did, banishing her memories of her past failures as she focused on the here and now. The people of Redcliffe were the ones that needed her now, not the people of Merlinne, and she had a job to do. This time she wasn't a soldier, she was leading. With her resolve hardening she looked into Alistair's eyes and saw his belief there: belief in _her _leading them to victory. A silent vow passed between them to ensure they both made it out of this alive, and with that, they turned their eyes to the sinking sun.

The night was nearly upon them: their time of reckoning was fast approaching.

* * *

Phew, longest chapter yet! You'll have to wait for next time to see the battle of Redcliffe, and that is going to be a doozy to write, but hopefully I've given you all enough to keep you interested ;) As always, please let me know your thoughts and where I can improve.

Negative Angel


	10. Redcliffe's Stand

Of course, I must thank everyone who favourited/followed but my biggest thanks of course goes to my fantastic reviewers: **Melysande, FenZev, Musicalrain, likarian **and **Eve Hawke.**

******Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

Let battle commence!

* * *

**Chapter 9: Redcliffe's Stand**

The silence in the village was very telling of the nerves which were rippling through her men. Many of them had no experience of fighting save their struggles for their lives these past few days, and it had been a true trial by fire. The arrival of Arria's group had lessened their unease, but they were under no illusions of the monumental task which lay before them. 48 men had started the battle the previous night, and only 17 had survived, eight of which were trained knights; if the numbers continued to dwindle at such a rate then Redcliffe would be wiped out tonight. Including the reinforcements which came about from the Wardens' arrival, as well as convincing Dwyn to join the battle, it brought them to 27, 28 if you included Carou. Could the small difference in numbers really turn the tides of their fortunes? They were praying that was the case.

Arria surveyed the village from on high and saw the militia ready and waiting. Sten, Morrigan and Carou were down there with them, hopefully providing just enough force to help the militia hold should the main attack come from the lake. Only the bonfire in the plain outside the Chantry was lit, allowing the militia to see their way while her forces on the hillside were hidden in the cover of darkness. Two pyres were ready to be lit by arrow when the attack began, but until then they needed to keep their presence a secret. She turned to look at those behind her: Alistair, Rod and Elissa were talking quietly amongst themselves, going over the last details of their plan while Leliana was keeping lookout for the beginnings of the attack. They had been told by Murdock of the unnatural mist which preceded the undead horde, and they were hoping that tonight would be no different. Ser Perth and his men, as well as Dwyn and his two bodyguards were with them, but it was only a small band up fighters in the heights of the village. 7 knights, a dwarf and two swordsmen were not much, but unlike the rest of the village they were trained. She prayed she was right in assuming bulk of the attack would strike them before it came from the lake.

Alistair caught her eye and he wandered over to her, Rod and Elissa accompanying him. A rumble overhead broke through the quiet surroundings and the first drops of rain fell. "Oh wonderful, just what we need on top of everything else," muttered Alistair.

"It wouldn't be a good old fashioned, against the odds, life or death battle without the customary rain," added Rod.

Elissa scowled. "Since when would you know about life or death battles? As far as I'm aware you've only ever had one and that was with me at Castle Cousland, and thankfully it wasn't raining that day."

"And it wasn't raining when I faced mine," whispered Arria, hoping that the others wouldn't read too much into it. While Rod and Elissa didn't it heightened Alistair's curiosity slightly, wondering if that was where she learned her leadership skills.

The rain began pouring down and it was quite evident it had no intention of stopping any time soon. Everyone was completely soaked through within half a minute. Alistair turned his attention to the pyres on either side of the path leading down from the cliffs. "Will the pyres still light?"

"They should do," answered Elissa. "I've done this before, and we doused them heavily with oil just in case of rain like this. It might take a couple of goes to get it going, but it will light."

"Arria!" The young Warden faced Leliana at her shout and shifted her attention to where the Bard was pointing: a green haze had consumed the bridge leading from the castle. The time had come.

"Positions!" shouted Arria and a mad scramble began around her as everyone found where they were meant to be. She drew her blades and took cover behind one of the barricades. Alistair and Roderick were next to Leliana and Elissa, ready with a stone and their blades: preparing to light their arrows. The rest of their forces were standing to attention but were silent, waiting for Arria's signal. It was a silent and tense few minutes before she finally heard it. Footsteps and the clank of loose armour. Peering through the gaps in the wood she waited until they grew closer: they couldn't afford to miss and give away their advantage. She raised a single blade when the steps grew louder, signalling Alistair and Roderick. The two men had set up their shields to stop the rain from soaking the baskets at the girls' feet and brought the stones down upon their blades, creating sparks and letting them rain down on the kindling inside. Once the fires were lit they picked up their shields and took up position either side of Arria behind the barricade, waiting for the next move.

The female Warden shot a meaningful look to her two companions further back, and both women nodded before nocking their, now alight, arrows. She kept her blade raised as she waited for the first of the undead to show themselves, hoping that their plan would still work despite the pouring of rain. As a group of ten came charging down the hillside Arria brought her dagger down sharply, and both Leliana and Elissa let loose their arrows. Each arrow struck home and lit the pyres mounted up the sides of the path, and as they burned it set fire to the trail set in place from each side. The flames followed the paths of oil-drenched hay which met in the centre, timed such that as the skeletons came across the path, they were caught in the blaze and then set alight. The creatures screamed in agony as the darkness was broken and the two archers continues to fire, bringing down the defenceless creatures. Arria, Alistair and Roderick all left their defensive positions and placed themselves at the bottom of the incline, waiting for the first of the second wave to come forth.

The wall of flames burnt out quickly due to the rain, but they were ready as the next group burst through. Arria kicked and slashed away at several skeletons as both Alistair and Roderick used their shields to force some back while felling others with their swords. With Arria cutting down anything that came near her and the two men pushing back what tried to flank her, not many slipped past the trio. What did was felled either by Elissa and Leliana's arrows or by Ser Perth and his knights. Dwyn and his men were keeping as far back from the fight as they could, unwilling to step in until it was necessary. It soon became evident that whatever undead came from the cliffs were not going to prove a real threat to the village below.

The real threat to the village was just beginning to take shape.

Arria heard barking in the distance and recognised it as Carou. "Ser Perth!" she shouted as she stepped back from the fight, bringing Alistair and Roderick with her and allowing the knights to enter the fray. With greater numbers fighting their cause it allowed Arria to run to the decking and see below to the jetties. A much larger number of the creatures were beginning their attack: numbers far higher than Arria was told to expect. Muttering a few curses under her breath she yelled out instructions to her forces. "Lissa, Leliana, go!" The two women nodded and ran off to their new positions. "Ser Perth, hold the line: do _not _let those monsters through! Alistair, Rod, let's go!" With their new instructions all concerned parties set about their new tasks. Dwyn and his men finally entered the fray, replacing the losses of Arria, Alistair and Roderick. As they sprinted down the hill they saw Leliana begin firing from her position over the wooden bridge leading from the wharf while Elissa ran to her new perch in front of the tavern. They were in tactically beneficial positions, but well out of range of the fighting. That was what Arria wanted: to keep them out of immediate danger. If trouble headed their way their way they would have more than enough time to see it.

When the trio of reinforcements arrived the main horde of the skeletons were engaging the militia. Morrigan was casting spells from upon the Chantry steps while Sten and Carou were slowing the advance of more aggressors. Roderick went to stop Morrigan from being overwhelmed as the undead soldiers realised her as the source of the magic while Alistair and Arria rushed into the heart of the fight to defend Teagan and Murdock. The mayor's lack of experience showed and he pulled back to let the two Wardens take over as the leaders of the defence. Arria directed the forces to try and push the skeletons back and allow the archers to pick them off without the danger of hitting their own forces. As Teagan fell back to catch his breath, he spied one route into the square they had failed to close off. "Wardens!" he shouted, directing them to the street which passed alongside the Chantry. There was no danger of the Chantry itself being attacked from that angle: the front doors were now its only major weakness. What was a real danger, was that they could be out-numbered and out-flanked.

"Alistair, with me!" she cried and the male Warden didn't even hesitate in following the command. The pair of them charged into the street just as a new wave of hit, throwing them straight into a dangerous fight. They swiftly moved back-to-back, not allowing the undead fiends to flank them as they cut them down. It seemed the two lone Wardens were much more appealing targets than the militia for barely any of the skeletons joined the fray in the square: just what they were hoping for. As the numbers grew around them however, they realised they needed a desperate move to stop themselves from being overwhelmed. In this position none of their archers could help them. They were on their own.

Alistair didn't bother asking questions as Arria moved towards the wall of the building and concentrated on keeping the skeletons back. "Alistair, swing!" she directed, taking a small run up the side of the wall once he had freed his hand and latched on. As she peaked, he threw her around into a flying kick, snapping the necks of all those she came into contact with. When she landed she redrew her weapons and hacked her way through, Alistair bouncing some in her direction off his shield. Arria was forced to throw one of her daggers as a skeleton nearly managed to flank him. She slid underneath several of them to recover it, allowing Alistair the opportunity to cut them down. Her blade recovered, she resumed her merciless assault.

An explosion from nearby rocked the ground and distracted the skeletons long enough for the two Wardens to finish them off. It seemed things had escalated to the point where Morrigan had to use their back-up plan of setting fire to several barrels of oil, sealing off the lower bridge. Leliana moved from her now redundant position and joined Elissa next to the tavern. Alistair spied more skeletons heading towards them from the square, but soon realised they carried no swords, they carried something worse. "Arria!" he shouted, pulling his female companion in close as he swung his shield upon his back and turned away from them. Arria was initially surprised by the move but soon realised what he had done when she felt the impacts of the arrows into his shield. As soon as they had landed, Arria threw both her daggers over his shoulder and felled two of the skeletons. In the confusion, the last two undead paused in reloading their crossbows, allowing the two Wardens to charge in and bring them down: Arria with a spinning kick while Alistair decapitated the other.

The pair re-joined the main struggle as the rain finally began to ease off, as if to signal the end of the fight was near. Gradually less of the skeletons were joining the fight, allowing Arria's forces to continue pushing them back and be picked off by the archers above. Elissa and Leliana had decided to enter the main fray and left their perch from beside the tavern. Elissa had joined Roderick and Morrigan on the Chantry steps while Leliana had switched to her daggers and began helping Sten and Carou keep back the new arrivals until the militia had cleared enough of them to reduce the danger.

Ser Perth and his knights arrived soon after, and with the extra help the undead were reduced until Alistair finally cut the last one down. Everyone paused as they listened carefully, waiting to see when the next wave would come, but none did. They waited for the best part of two minutes before Teagan finally announced what they had been waiting to hear. "We are victorious!"

The cheer from the villagers was deafening, but unsurprising given none of them had held any realistic hope of making it through the night. Teagan swiftly found Alistair and embraced him heartily, the two men laughing together at what had been accomplished. Morrigan and Sten removed themselves from the celebrations before they could be crowded by the villagers as Carou began bouncing next to Leliana, who hugged him tightly. Roderick swept Elissa into his arms and kissed her soundly and she willingly surrendered to him, with both pouring all their relief into that single kiss.

Arria watched the joyous scenes with a smile, relieved that it was finally over, but she couldn't help the sadness that crept into her heart. She wished that this could have been what she awoke to after falling unconscious in Merlinne: celebrations of a victory, not mourning being among the last of her people. Of sharing that joy with her family and friends rather than wishing they had found a painless death and a swift journey to the Maker. A lone tear escaped her eyes but she didn't want to brush it away. It was time to face what had happened and move on from it: she had the beginnings of a new life now, and she couldn't hang onto what could, and maybe should, have been. She wandered over to the steps of the Chantry and dropped onto them, the strength in her body fading fast. Now that the battle was over the adrenaline was leaving her still recovering form. She still had not regained all her stamina, though it would take a lot more than a week to undo 8 months of damage.

Alistair saw her sitting on the Chantry steps and left the celebrations to join her. "You okay?" he asked as he sat down.

"I'm fine, just tired," she answered with a smile. "Thanks for the save."

"Well, I wasn't very well going to let you die, now was I?" He noticed the spark start to dim in her eyes and pulled her in to lay her head on his shoulder. "Rest, Arria. We're safe." She gone by the time he finished his sentence.

Elissa and Rod came over with smiles on their faces but Elissa' faded slightly when she saw Arria's slumped form. "Is she...?"

"Asleep, not hurt. She gave that fight everything she had."

"She was a sight to behold, that for sure," stated Rod as his grip around Elissa's waist tightened. He still had not let go of her since then end of their fight.

"It worries me how easily she tires, I just can't work it out," questioned Alistair as he stroked her hair. The affectionate gesture wasn't missed by Roderick, who smiled pointedly at Alistair. The Warden ignored the look, still trying to sort through his own feelings.

"It isn't surprising after having been at Howe's mercy for 8 months. It's a sheer miracle she has any fight left."

"Wh-What?" spluttered Alistair with wide eyes at Elissa.

The black-haired woman clamped her hands over her mouth, not realising that she had just revealed one of Arria's secrets. "She hadn't told you?" Alistair shook his head. "What do you know of what happened to her?"

"Nothing, apart from that she was Howe's prisoner. Has she…told you…?"

"No, but I knew some of it from my father, he had hoped to someday help her."

"Your father _knew _that Howe had Arria captive any did nothing to help her?" seethed Alistair. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"It wasn't as simple as Arria just being his prisoner, Alistair. There were other…complications. I will say this though: I would have killed myself long before I suffered what she did at Howe's hands. Honestly, I have no idea how she lived through it."

"Almost makes you wonder how much of her did survive that ordeal," stated Roderick, and Alistair's blood ran cold at the truth of that statement. He had barely found out anything of Arria, and hadn't really got to know _her_. There was still so much she was keeping locked away, and he thought it was maybe time to push a little harder. Reeling from the revelation Alistair picked Arria up gently and took her inside the Chantry to rest properly.

Teagan soon joined the young couple and looked around confused. "Where are our Wardens? I could have sworn I saw Alistair here a few seconds ago."

Roderick was the one who answered, Elissa's joyful mood having disappeared at Alistair's angry outburst. "He took Arria inside: she had passed out from exhaustion and he wanted to make sure she was all right. I imagine he will stay with her till she awakens."

Teagan's eyes widened. "Is she not well?"

"No, Arria only joined the Wardens at Ostagar, and for the months before that she had been a captive. She had still not recovered from the ordeal."

The Bann looked behind them to the doors of the Chantry. "From the way she holds herself, you would never know it."

"Yes, I think she almost plays the part a bit too well," added Elissa. "She would have everyone around her fooled if she could, but someday she has to face this. Ignoring what happened isn't going to change that it did." _Alistair, I hope you can get the truth out of her, because she needs to say it almost as much as you need to hear it._

* * *

_Arria spun and stepped out lightly, allowing the other guard to trip over her foot and fall flat on his back. Before he had the chance to recover she had her blades poised at his throat and stomach, effectively ending the fight. He yielded before she helped him up, throwing a smirk and a wink to the rest of his battalion who swiftly backed away, not wanting to be defeated by the young Dancer yet again. She skipped over to the man leaning back in his chair and delicately sat next to him as the rest of the soldiers began to train amongst themselves. "You know Arri, it really doesn't help my men's confidence when you manage to take them down in two hits."_

"_If they were really your men, and you had trained them, I wouldn't be able to do that then, would I?" she chirped back to her mentor's unimpressed face. "Oh lighten up Garros, I'm only having a bit of fun with them. If you don't want to whip them into shape I could always do it," giving him a wink as she finished her sentence._

_Garros simply looked at her. "Hmm, now there's an idea. I could put the fear into them by duelling you."_

"_Not a chance in hell I'm going to duel you."_

"_Oh? Since when have you backed down from a challenge?"_

"_Since I don't care to get my arse handed to me on a silver platter. I know when I'm completely out of my league." _

_Garros smirked at her as he ruffled her hair, eliciting an annoyed squawk out her. She playfully glared at him before kicking away the leg of his chair, unsurprised when he stretched out a hand beneath him and used a foot on another chair to break his fall and keep him suspended. "That trick is really getting old, Arri."_

"_I don't think so, after all you are the one who used to use it on me mercilessly when I was younger. I'm just getting my own back."_

"_Touché. So, how has your first month as a Captain been?"_

"_Scary. I'm not sure I like the leading part so much."_

"_But the kicking about trainees is good fun."_

"_Oh yeah, I almost wonder if I'm getting too much of a kick out of it."_

"_Nah, it was my favourite part about being a Captain."_

"_Until you managed to get yourself promoted to being protector of King Mallos."_

"_What can I say? I'm just that good."_

_Arria snorted. "And now I know why you never kicked the attitude out of Tomerre: you've got it too."_

"_Nothing wrong with a little pride, just don't let it blind you." _

_Arria smiled at the man she thought of as an older brother, still amazed at the wisdom he showed. He may only be 30, but he spoke like a man who had commanded armies in wars and won. Although having grown up under his care, she knew that was how he had always been: a wise head on young shoulders. He had done his best to teach her that side of life, but raised her to always see the fun side too. Joining him in the guards had been the best decision she had ever made, of that she was sure, and not just because she got to be reunited with the man who had taught her everything she knew._

"_It's the Black Captain! Run!" Both Arria and Garros turned away from each other to look at the soldiers training; or at least where the soldiers used to be. They had all run off in fear at the lone figure walking towards them, with a decidedly unimpressed look. Arria managed to keep a straight face for all of three seconds before she burst out laughing, fortunate that the man glaring at her had such a soft spot for the Dancer otherwise she would have been at the receiving end of a rather large knock to the head. Even Garros chuckled quietly. _

"_One month? One month and you've managed to terrify all of them? Oh if only they knew they were running away from a man younger than them, it would be priceless!"_

"_It's not my fault that I'm surrounded by idiots," stated their new arrival blandly. Arria managed to reign in her laughter as Garros stood. "Garros."_

"_Tomerre. I take it you aren't here just to scare off my recruits?"_

"_No, King Mallos has sent for you. Something about a potential plot against the royalty by the Crows."_

"_Crows huh? That bunch of flighty wimps have no right to call themselves assassins." Garros sighed. "I'd best be off. Arri, please try and stop him from scaring off __**all **__the guards, it doesn't give a good impression."_

_Arria mock saluted Garros, at which the older man rolled his eyes and left. She sauntered up to her best friend. "The Black Captain? Seriously?"_

"_Like I said before, I'm surrounded by idiots. And you haven't put the fear into all of your recruits?"_

"_Of course I have, but at least my lot know they are getting bossed about by a 19-year-old. Puts a little bit of humility in them, which I doubt I could say for your lot." He looked at her unimpressed. "Come on Merre, my lot beat the crap out of your boys last week, I think you need to start actually training them rather than scaring them off with your scowl."_

"_Why did I take this job again?"_

"_So you wouldn't be outdone by little old me?" She got a glare in response. "Still got a long way to go then." The edges of his mouth curled up slightly, at which she chimed, "You're smiling…"_

_He swiftly went back to scowling. "No, I'm not."_

_She winked. "Of course you weren't. Oh well, we'd best get back to our battalions. After all, an attack by the Crows would be fun!"_

_Tomerre snorted. "You aren't happy unless you are kicking the shit out of someone are you?"_

"_Nope. Come on! Let's go beat up some recruits!"_

_She ran off, but the scene around her began to swirl and change. The fresh smells of Merlinne were suddenly overcome by thick smoke and the smell of death. Arria coughed and spluttered, going to draw her weapons but soon realising she was unarmed. A shout from behind her caught her attention and she spun around to see Tomerre fighting an ogre on his own on the top of the Summoning Tower. The great beast brought a fist down and she saw Tomerre raise his aura to protect himself, but the beast shattered right through it and crashed upon his raised shield. His scream of agony tore at Arria's heart as she saw his shield roll away and his left arm now hanging uselessly at his side, broken and beyond all use. "Tomerre!" she shouted, attempting to run to his aid but an invisible wall stopped her. She bounced off it time and again as she tried to reach him. __**"Tomerre!"**__. No matter what she tried, there was no way through, and she could only watch helpless as the beast swatted him away like a toy. Tomerre crashed against a pillar and barely managed to get back to his feet. Arria watched in horror as the ogre prepared to charge, knowing that would be the end of him. __**"No!"**__ she cried desperately as it began its charge, but before it could connect the Tower exploded around them, killing everything inside._

_Arria threw her hand up in front of her, but the scene suddenly changed again. Now she was in the streets of Merlinne itself, unable to stop the burning of the city around her, or the screams of the innocent lives being lost. She felt like crying at what she had just seen, but her heart was about to be torn further as a scream ripped through the air behind her, and it was a sound she never wanted to hear. Arria turned to face Garros, she was but three feet from him, but as before she was pinned in place by an invisible force, forced to watch as the mages around him raised a column of fire, trapping him inside. He screeched in pain as he was set alight inside, all his skills unable to save him from his end. _

_A scream of heart-wrenching denial tore from her throat as she felt her heart break._

* * *

Arria awoke with that same scream of denial as she had let loose in her dream and sat up sharply, prepared to strike at the figure nearby but he caught her hands and shook her. "Arria, it's me!" Alistair urged her as he looked deep into her eyes, seeing the raw grief and pain in them. It took a few seconds for her to come back to reality, but when she did he saw the tears which she was holding back. He brought her in for a tight hug, his own heart hurting at the pain in her eyes. "Don't hold it back, let it out." The dream still too close, she obeyed without fighting and let the tears fall. Some of his own joined hers silently as he let some of his own grief out too. Their victory here tonight had reminded him of which it should have been at Ostagar: a celebration of the end of the horde, had Loghain not betrayed them. His hatred for the man grew at the thought of what his selfishness had stolen away from not only the two of them, but all those he had left to die, and from Ferelden herself. Loghain was going to pay, this he swore.

Arria sat crying for several minutes, but eventually pulled back to look at him with teary eyes. "What..?"

"You passed out after the battle, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. It must be tough, fighting like this again after eight months as a prisoner." Arria's eyes widened as she realised that she hadn't yet told Alistair that. All he knew was what he had figured out. "Lissa let it slip, thinking you would have told me already. Don't you think you should maybe let me in, Arria? I've let you see into me, but I feel like you still won't let me get to know you." Her eyes quickly hit the floor, and it was in that moment he figured it out. "It's not a case of you won't, is it? You can't." She nodded miserably. Alistair sighed deeply, waiting a few moments before her took her cheeks and pressed his forehead against hers gently. Arria closed her eyes at the contact, appreciating his nearness. "Why?"

"I've spent too long running, Alistair," she admitted out loud for the first time. "I've run from my emotions since the day I lost my family and friends, and I don't know how to deal with them anymore. There's just so much there…I don't want to shut you out, I really don't; but I need to figure out _what _I am feeling first. I just don't know it myself."

Alistair nodded against her and stroked her cheek. "What was it you saw? You were terrified when you came out of it."

"I saw my brother and best friend die before my eyes."

He winced internally. No wonder she was such an emotional wreck. "Memory or nightmare?"

"Both. I had a memory of a joyful moment together before my overactive imagination decided to come up with its own rendition of their deaths. I know how they died, but not any details. If it is anywhere close to my dream though…" she shuddered at the thought that they had both suffered as much as they did.

"Arria, how do you do it?" At his quiet question she opened her eyes to look into his sad ones. "How do you go on after everything that has happened to you?"

She sighed deeply, wondering when this question would come. "My family and friends were murdered, Alistair, and I intend to avenge them or die trying. Of course I now have the Blight to deal with first, but once we have defeated the Archdemon I will find justice for them."

"You sound so sure."

"It's all I have." At his hurt expression she quickly amended the statement. "All I had. I've been alone for so long now that I had almost forgotten what it means to have someone at your side. I need you, Alistair. Please believe that."

He pulled back to kiss her forehead before leaning back completely and giving her a gentle smile. "I do. And I hope you realise that I need you just as much." She nodded with a smile on her face. He brushed away any remains of her tears as he stood up. "Come on, Teagan is waiting for us outside, along with the rest of Redcliffe. You'd better get ready to be worshipped as a hero."

She scoffed. "We haven't saved them yet: we still have to figure out what caused all this."

"Yeah, but we survived the night, and that is an achievement in itself. Let's just enjoy this for now, before the next cataclysmic event comes our way to give us trouble." She giggled as he held out a hand for her. "Ready, my lady?"

She smiled coyly. "Of course, my prince."

He groaned. "I'm going to regret telling you that, aren't I?"

"No, but I can't pass up a perfectly good opportunity to tease you, can I?"

"Just remember that two can play this game."

"Well it's boring if I'm the only one playing." With smiles on their faces, the two Wardens headed to the doors arm-in-arm, prepared to meet Redcliffe.

* * *

"People of Redcliffe! We have survived the night, and it is all down to these people beside me. Were it not for their leadership and fighting skills, we surely would have perished. Allow me to present to you those responsible for our survival: I give you the Grey Wardens!" declared Teagan to those gathered outside the Chantry. The roar from the crowd was deafening, and Alistair shyly waved to the crowd as Arria bowed her head before them. To compound their embarrassment, Elissa, Roderick and Leliana were cheering behind them too while Carou bounced around beside Leliana. Arria shot a playful glare to all of them as Teagan called for silence once more. "We may have lost three more lives last night, but thanks to the Wardens and their company, they will not have died in vain. Redcliffe survives to remember them." The Revered Mother then stepped forward to say a prayer in remembrance of all those who had fallen to the undead, and wishing them a safe journey to the Maker. Arria added her own ending to the prayer, hoping for them to have a swift rebirth, though to a better and safer world.

Once the Revered Mother finished her prayer, Teagan once again faced the Wardens. "Alistair, Arria, meet me by the windmill in half an hour. We need to discuss how we will enter the castle. Bring your companions with you, I think we may need all their help to succeed." They both nodded as Teagan left while the crowd dispersed.

The rest of their group joined them. "So, to the castle?" asked Leliana.

"Yeah, let's hope we won't face the same problems we did down here," replied Alistair.

"What is the plan, Warden?" asked Sten. Everyone save Arria and Morrigan looked at him in surprised, this being the first time they had heard the qunari speak of his own volition.

Arria stared hard at the castle. "We are going to save everyone in the castle, just like we did down here. There is too much at stake to fail now."

* * *

Phew! What a marathon chapter. As usual, please let me know your thoughts! Action chapters are always tough, but I hope I managed to convey my visions into the text.

Negative Angel


	11. The Wardens' Gambit

Wow, pretty much exactly 50000 words in the first 10 chapters. So did not plan that. Special thanks to **Melysande, likarian, LadyMimzy, YunikuRebekit, Eve Hawke, Musicalrain **and **FenZev. **It's thanks to your continued support that I am motivated to keep this story up at its current pace!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: The Wardens' Gambit**

"You're all right?" asked Arria of the dwarf.

"You needn't concern yourself with Sandal and I, Lady Arria," replied Bodahn. "We know how to keep ourselves out of danger when we need to. Though when I saw the smoke from the village I feared the worst for you and your company."

"The smoke was of our own creation, Bodahn. I'm glad you and Sandal managed to get to safety; now that the immediate danger to the village has passed, I was hoping you could go down to them and offer your supplies. They are in desperate need of help."

"Never fear, my lady, I will assist them," assured Bodahn as he bowed theatrically to Arria. The young Warden laughed and waved him off, a smile still on her face as she walked back down the hill to reunite with her friends.

She wasn't surprised when Alistair met her halfway. "How is he?"

"Both he and Sandal are fine. I don't know how where he hid, but he managed to get himself completely out of trouble," answered Arria as she came to stand next to him. "Why are you here, Alistair? The windmill is only a hundred feet away."

He held out an arm for her. "I thought I might escort you down," a smile on his face.

"Where has this come from? You know I can take care of myself."

"Well, Bodahn always treats you like a lady, why can't I?" Arria giggled as she slipped her arm into his and walked back with him. No way was Alistair going to tell her that he was actually waiting for her to get away from Rod's permanent pestering for him to face facts. He suddenly realised that this was not going to help his cause any, as was proven when they arrived back and the soldier smirked at him, raising an eyebrow at their linked arms. He would have punched the smirk right off his face, but then Arria would ask questions and Elissa…Alistair didn't even want to think what the young Cousland might do, but he knew it would be painful whatever it was.

Arria unhooked her arm from Alistair's as they met Teagan. "So my lord, what is the plan?"

"I have brought you and your group here so that we can mount an assault on the castle. The gates are barred, but I can get us inside. My signet ring opens a path which leads to the dungeons of the castle," began the Bann.

"And you didn't tell us this before because…?" asked Elissa.

"Because he was afraid we would make the Arl our priority, and not the attack on the village, am I right?" suggested Arria.

Teagan bowed his head apologetically. "It is true, though I know now that you would have never left our people to suffer, and I apologise for any offense I may have caused."

"None is taken, Bann Teagan, you were under much strain to ensure their safety. When do we leave?"

"Now, if you are-Maker's breath!" At Teagan's exclamation the group turned around to see a woman accompanied by a lone soldier running down the path towards them. Since Teagan didn't raise his weapons none of Arria's group chose to either, but Arria did step back slightly so that she was side-by-side with Alistair. She could see his guard was up: clearly he knew who it was that stood before them. The woman before them was slightly older, but she was well dressed an held an air of pride about her. She was clearly someone of importance within the castle.

"Teagan! Oh Teagan…" began the woman, breathing heavily.

"Isolde! You're unharmed! What are you doing here?" asked Teagan, dumbfounded. It was now Arria realised why Alistair was so tense: this was Arl Eamon's wife, the one who had ripped his life up from under him and cast him out to the Chantry when he was a child. She balled a fist at her side, but Alistair could sense the sudden tension in her posture. He laid a hand at the base of her back and stroked her bare skin. A deep sigh escaped her and he knew she understood his unspoken message, but she wasn't quite so willing to let bygones be bygones. Isolde had more than just the injustices against Alistair to answer for.

"I just managed to escape from the castle, but I cannot be gone long. Teagan, I need you to come back with me, please," begged the older woman.

"What about Eamon? How is he?"

"He is being kept alive, that is all I can tell you. Please Teagan you have to come with me."

"Do you know what has caused Eamon to fall ill?" asked Alistair, and it seemed that Isolde only then noticed the surrounding group.

"Alistair? What in the Maker's name are you doing here?" hissed Isolde. Her disgust at seeing him was obvious, and it took a great deal of self-restraint for Arria not to strike the woman.

"We came to see Eamon, but we were unaware of his condition until we arrived in Redcliffe itself. What can we do to help?" he continued, but Isolde swiftly ignored him and faced Teagan again. Alistair could feel the anger radiating off Arria, and though he appreciated that she cared, he hoped she didn't do something she would later regret.

"I cannot stay for long, Teagan I beg of you, you must come with me before me absence is noticed."

"I'm sorry, Lady Isolde, but nothing will be done until you start telling us the truth," spoke Arria coldly. The venom in her voice wasn't missed by anyone, and Isolde turned to her in shock.

"Who…Who is this woman, Teagan?"

"Isolde, this is Arria. It is thanks to her group that Redcliffe lives. She and Alistair are Grey Wardens, and I owe them my life," Teagan smiled appreciatively at the female Warden, but he received only a sharp nod of appreciation rather than the friendly smile he had come to know. He suspected that Alistair had told her of his childhood, and as such she bore a deep hatred for Isolde's part in it. This could only end badly.

"You are concealing something from us, my lady, and until you reveal it no-one leaves this place," continued Arria. Alistair wanted to reach out to her and rein her in, but was almost afraid to do so after knowing what had happened the last time he had brought her back from such an anger. Though he knew Arria would never consciously hurt Isolde, he still feared slightly for the older woman's safety should she not reveal all. He too suspected Isolde was hiding something, but once again Arria's perceptiveness had beaten him to it.

Isolde glared at the younger woman and shook with anger. "How _dare _you-"

"How dare I? Who is it that left their people to die at the hands of monstrosities, and now that it is safe, demands the assistance of the one man who tried to keep the villagers' spirits up?" Arria kept her voice level and her eyes hard as she slowly began to walk towards Isolde. "Who is it that now refuses to tell us of Arl Eamon's condition, when clearly you know of what happened to him? Your face may portray the perfect mask, but your eyes need work. You know what happened to him, and from the guilt I can see, you played a part in his illness, though I have no doubt it was unconscious. So, will you stop treating us like fools, and tell us what you do know?"

Isolde trembled slightly under Arria's gaze and looked away sharply once the younger woman stopped speaking. Alistair held back a smile of satisfaction and pride. It did give him a slight joy to see the woman put in her place, and he was amazed at Arria's restraint. Isolde had obviously got Arria's message loud and clear, for she relented and told them of what she knew. "I did not know of what had occurred down in the village, I assure you, but I have no doubt it is the work of that mage who poisoned my husband," admitted Isolde.

"What?! Eamon was poisoned?" exclaimed Teagan. Alistair too was shocked.

"Yes. We have been the captives of an evil force, and somehow it is keeping him alive. Teagan, you must help us: help Connor and Eamon, I beg of you."

"Warden?" Arria turned to the Bann. "What do you believe should be done?"

Arria shook her head. "This decision is not mine to make, Bann Teagan. This is your family and your home, only you have the right to decide their fates."

Teagan smiled slightly. She truly was an honourable soul. He adopted a bland expression once again as he faced the Arlessa. "Isolde, I will go with you to the castle."

"Oh, thank you, Teagan! Thank you!" There were genuine tears of relief in Isolde's eyes.

"Wait for me by the gates, I will be there as soon as I can."

"There is not much time, please do not be long."

With that, Isolde and her guard took off up the path while Teagan directed Arria's attention back to him. "Here's what I propose: I will go with Isolde while you take my ring and use the secret entrance. Hopefully I can distract that force long enough to allow you safe entry."

"Teagan, it's awful risky. If something should happen to you…" said Alistair, and Teagan smiled affectionately at him.

"You've always had a good heart, Alistair, I am overjoyed to see that hasn't changed. But Eamon is the priority here, everyone else is expendable. Me, Isolde, Connor…Regardless of what happens to us, Eamon must be saved."

"I will not sacrifice anyone," declared Arria. "If there is any chance to save all of you, I will take it: I won't abandon anyone to die."

Teagan pulled her next to him and handed her his ring. "You are a good woman, and just what this kingdom needs to pull it back from the brink." He leaned in and whispered to her. "You know who he is, Arria, I can see it in your eyes. Eamon isn't the only one you must protect."

"I swear to you, I won't let him die. They'll have to go through me first."

"You care for him, don't you?"

"He's a dear friend, and we only have each other left. I can't end this Blight without him, nor he without I."

Teagan smiled resignedly and pulled back to face her once more. He could see the affection the two Wardens held for each other, but it seemed Arria had some ways to acknowledging it. He approached Alistair and looked meaningfully at the younger man. "You look after each other, you hear me? Without the two of you, Ferelden is doomed."

Alistair had already known this, but hearing Teagan say it brought home the enormity of their task and made him feel slightly queasy as it truly sunk in. "I'll look after her." Teagan wasn't surprised at his answer; Alistair had always put others above himself, and, if anything, it was his greatest fault. He could see the depth of emotions the male Warden held for his female counterpart, and he hoped they could bring it out into the open soon. Their bond would become stronger as a result of it, and that could only help their cause. With that done, Teagan ran off after Isolde. The rest of the group faced Arria once he was gone. "So, what are we going to do?" he asked of her.

"We will leave Ser Perth and his knights to protect the civilians. Half of us will take the secret entrance, while the rest wait at the gates of the castle, that way if this evil force gets desperate and launches another attack, we could hopefully stop it before it reaches the village. Leliana, Sten and Morrigan, you will go to the gates and wait for us there, you three have the best chance of fending off a large assault." The three nodded and headed off. Carou barked at her and Arria crouched to meet her Mabari. "Go with them, Carou. They'll need your help more, and you don't do well in tight spaces anyway." She kissed his nose lightly. "I'll be okay, I've got Alistair, Lissa and Rod with me." The Mabari hung his head slightly as he turned away and went to Alistair. The male Warden was surprised and lowered himself to meet Carou. The dog looked at him meaningfully, and he got the message loud and clear.

"Don't worry, boy. I'll protect her, I promise. If I don't, feel free to take a few bites out of me when we get back, deal?" Carou barked in agreement as Lissa and Rod laughed. Arria shook her head but he could see the sparkle of laughter in her eyes. He scratched the Mabari behind the ear before it ran off to catch up with Leliana, Morrigan and Sten. Getting back to his feet, Alistair approached the other three. "Shall we?"

* * *

It turned out the passage was rather a mess and was crumbling around them. The four of them crept through it as fast as they dared, hoping that the structure was going to hold until they reached the other side. Once they were through, they barely had any time to catch their breath before the skeletons began attacking them again, but the narrow corridors stopped them from being overwhelmed. Alistair and Rod held them back with their shields as Arria and Elissa behind them attacked from range, allowing them relatively safe passage through the many rooms. When they reached the four set of cells, Arria growled in her throat when she saw three of them poking at a cell door. "I'm really getting fed up of you guys," she snarled as they charged her. She leapt into a spinning kick, snapping the neck of one and decapitating another as her thrown dagger felled the last of them.

Rod whistled in admiration. "Seriously Arria, where did you learn to do that? You've got a pretty specialised skill set that I've never seen before."

She smiled back at him. "I learnt my art in my homeland, many years ago."

"Right, what was it you said you were again?"

"A Dual Dancer."

"So, were there many other arts there which we would consider different?"

"Oh yes, most of them would seem alien to you. My Dancer abilities are not the only ones I possess."

"Really?" asked Elissa.

"You never told me that before," added Alistair.

Arria shrugged. "I've got to start opening up to you somewhere. I suppose this is the best place." He smiled with pride.

"So what else can you do?" continued Elissa, completely fascinated.

The female Warden chuckled at his enthusiasm. "I am also a Songstress, Second Class."

"Songstress?"

"Second Class?"

She laughed as the terminology confused her companions. "Have you ever heard of Bards?"

"Yeah, they use their voice in combat, don't they?"

"Yes, or more specifically their songs favour empowering their allies rather than sabotage their opponents. Songstresses are the opposite: the specialise in hindering their foes, but they can still strengthen their allies. The Songstresses greatest power, however, is the Life Chorus; their Master skill."

"What does that do?"

"The Life Chorus allows a Songstress to heal injuries, even bring someone from near death, but it comes at a high price. Every time you use the Life Chorus you shorten your own lifespan, how much depends of the gravity of the other's injuries. It has been known for a Songstress to halve their own lifespan in healing someone of fatal injuries."

The others were silent as they took this in. "So, in theory, they can kill themselves with this skill?"

"Yes. Almost all of the Master skills have the potential to kill their wielders, that is why it is so rare to find a Master of an art."

"Are you a Master?"

She laughed. "No, not even close with my Songstress skills, but I was set to go through my Rite of Mastery as a Dancer not long after I lost my family. Once they were gone…I had no reason to complete it anymore."

"Do you think you will ever complete it?"

Arria looked at Alistair after he asked his question. She sighed deeply. "Maybe, once I am recovered. Eight months of damage is a lot to heal from, and it's not just the physical stuff I have to get past." Alistair hugged her and she reciprocated gladly. He was immensely proud of her finally beginning to open up, and she felt slightly lighter after revealing a little more of her hidden past. She felt the day might finally be approaching when she could reveal all to him, but it was still a ways off. At least now she felt she maybe could do it.

"Hello?" asked a quiet voice from one of the cells. The quartet looked over in interest, walking over to it after Arria had retrieved her dagger. Inside they found a young man with curly black hair and dressed in apprentice robes.

"Are you the mage Lady Isolde talked of?" asked Arria, keeping a level stare on the young man. Her instincts were screaming at her that something was off about him, but she didn't know why.

"I am. My name is Jowan."

"And is it true that you poisoned Arl Eamon?" snarled Alistair, making his feelings about the mage quite clear, not that Arria blamed him.

Jowan bowed his head in shame. "Yes, it's true. Have you been sent to finish me off?"

"No, though there is a sore temptation to do it, believe me," spat Alistair threateningly. Arria placed a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention away from the mage. _We need to know more _she conveyed to him through her eyes. She could see his internal struggle not the kill the mage then and there, but when his shoulders sagged she knew he accept her point.

With a smile of gratitude she faced the mage again. "What do you know of the undead creatures roaming through Redcliffe?"

"Nothing, I swear! The first I knew of it was when Lady Isolde came down here demanding I reverse whatever I had done, but I was already locked down here when it all began."

"What is a mage doing here anyway? You wear the robes of an apprentice of the Circle," added Rod, keeping a protective arm in front of Elissa, wary of Jowan attempting anything.

"I-I ran away from the Circle, I'm an apostate. You see, I'm actually…a Blood mage."

Arria gasped and stiffened sharply. Now she knew why her instincts were screaming at her that this man was dangerous. Both Alistair and Rod drew their swords and ushered the girls behind them as they pointed their blades at Jowan. The two of them could feel the trembling of both Arria and Elissa through their protective holds: Elissa was generally afraid of mages, this Rod knew but Alistair could sense that Arria had been hurt by Blood mages before. As the initial waves of fear subsided from her, she put a hand on Alistair's arm. "Alistair, let me talk to him."

"Not a chance in hell. He's too dangerous to be left alive."

"If he had any intention of hurting us, do you not think he would have done it already? He didn't have to reveal he is a Blood mage to us. Let's hear him out, he might have an idea about what is happening here." Alistair looked at her and could see her determination. "I'll be fine. Blood mages can't hurt me." He was puzzled by that comment, but he could see the truth in her eyes. With a final warning glance at Jowan he stepped behind Arria, but kept his sword raised while neither Rod nor Elissa moved from their previous positions.

Arria watched him carefully, and could see genuine remorse in his posture. "You feel regret over what you did, don't you?"

Jowan nodded. "I was told that Arl Eamon was a threat, so when the Teryn asked me to…dispose of him, I couldn't refuse. I thought he was giving me a chance at a free life! To not be hunted for what you are, do you have any idea how that feels?"

"I know what it is to be despised for what you are born as, yes. I know what it is to be treated with revulsion and suspicion, and I can see why you would willingly grasp at that straw, even if it had a high price attached to it," assured Arria, leading the others to look at her in question. They could all her the emotion in her voice, there was no doubt whatsoever that every word she said was true.

_But why…? _thought Alistair. Why would anyone want to hurt her? She was one of the kindest and gentlest people he had ever met, though when you threatened something she cared for she turned into a deadly foe. What possible birth could she have that would lead her to be treated in such a way? "But that still doesn't explain why you came to be here," continued Arria. "Why would Arl Eamon willingly welcome a mage to his household?"

"It was Lady Isolde who invited me here, for Connor. She was looking for an apostate, a mage outside of the Circle to teach him."

"Wait," interrupted Alistair, lowering his blade, "Connor is a mage?"

"Yes, he had begun to show signs, and Lady Isolde grew desperate to keep her son a secret. If he was discovered, then he would be sent away to the Circle. She was convinced that if the Arl knew Connor had magic, he would have him sent away, and she couldn't bear it. Instead, she sent for me, and when Teryn Loghain got word of it, he arranged for me to poison the Arl in secret." That explained what Arria saw in Isolde's eyes earlier. She had sent for a mage to try and save her son, and had nearly doomed Redcliffe and caused her husband's death along with it. While she may hold extreme displeasure towards the woman for her past actions towards Alistair, she could understand Isolde's want to hold onto Connor as long as she could.

Alistair growled behind her and Arria took his hand, which he squeezed tight. Firstly Ostagar and now Arl Eamon…Loghain was far too dangerous to be left alive. They could not afford to let his madness to reign over the kingdom and bring it to ruin. "So, what do you think is happening here?" questioned Arria, hoping that Jowan might at least have some clue.

"Connor doesn't have the power to do this, but it's possible he has torn the Veil. Or maybe he made contact with a demon, I don't know. But whichever way you look at it, I think Connor is responsible."

"That's it," gasped Elissa, at which everyone faced her. "Connor's father was dying. He must have made a deal with a demon to save Arl Eamon's life; Isolde did say he was being kept alive by an evil force."

The pieces fell into place quickly for the rest of them after that, knowing Elissa was right. "Which means Isolde knows about the demon…" concluded Rod.

"And Teagan is in danger! Damn, I knew we shouldn't have let him go!" exclaimed Alistair. "But what are we going to do about him?" he asked, gesturing to Jowan.

"If he had the power or the want to, he would have escaped from here already. We'll leave him for now," decided Arria. She glared at Jowan. "Arl Eamon can decide your fate when he recovers."

Jowan bowed his head in acceptance. "Come on! Teagan will need our help!" shouted Elissa as she and Rod took off, with Arria and Alistair not far behind them. They prayed they weren't too late.

* * *

Once they had emerged into the courtyard Rod and Alistair had raised the portcullis barring the entrance to the castle, allowing the group to be reunited. Now together once more, they entered the castle itself. When they reached the main hall, they found Teagan dancing about like a fool, with Connor clapping enthusiastically and Isolde looking horrified at the scenes. "What in the…?" questioned Rod.

"Oh Maker have mercy…" gasped Leliana. Once Connor took notice of the new arrivals, Teagan stopped his antics and sat next to the young boy, as Isolde kept her eyes on the floor.

"So these are the ones you told me about Mother?" asked Connor, his voice deepened in an unnatural way. Elissa gasped and shrank back slightly next to Rod as they came to a halt not far from the group. Arria stopped ahead of the rest of them, keeping a hard stare on the boy.

"Y-Yes, Connor," stuttered Isolde, clearly terrified.

"And these are the ones who defeated my soldiers? What is that, staring at me Mother? I can't see it clearly enough," continued the child.

"This…is a woman, Connor. Just as I am…"

"Of course I know it is a woman, you fool! But unlike you, she is young and beautiful: I'm surprised you don't have her executed out of jealousy." At that, Alistair came beside Arria and wrapped an arm protectively around her waist. She appreciated having him next to her, this situation was unnerving to say the least.

"Connor, please, do not hurt anyone!" she begged of her son.

"M-Mother? What's happening? Where…Where am I?" asked Connor, his voice now returned to normal.

"Oh thank the Maker. Connor, you have returned to us," praised Isolde as she fell to her knees in relief.

"The child has been possessed by a demon," surmised Morrigan, and the others nodded in agreement, knowing the witch was right.

"Get away from me, woman!" snapped Connor, the demon having now regained its hold on the young boy.

Isolde turned to face Arria's group. "Wardens, I beg of you, please don't hurt my son!"

"You knew that Connor was possessed, and you still brought Teagan here, into danger!" exclaimed Elissa.

"It was that mage who began this, not Connor," persisted Isolde.

"That's not true Isolde, and you know it," stated Arria coldly. "It is true Jowan gave Connor the tools to do this, but it was Connor's want to save his father that led to this mess. We have to defeat this demon."

"No! Please!" cried Isolde, fearing that Arria intended to slay her son.

"So it is a fight you wish, is it? Very well, it is a fight you shall have!" With that, Connor took off as the knights surrounding them and Teagan charged at Arria's group. Isolde took shelter in the corner of the room as the fight unfolded, but it was over very quickly. As Teagan hurtled towards Alistair and Arria the male Warden blocked the attack with his shield while Arria whacked him in the side of the head with her dagger, knocking him unconscious. Sten was cutting down several at once with his powerful swings while Morrigan set some alight with her magic, at which Elissa and Leliana brought them down with their arrows to end their suffering. Rod and Carou killed the last of the guards soon after, leaving yet more victims of this unfortunate series of events. Arria looked away from it, wishing that things had not come to this. Alistair came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, at which she leant back into his embrace as the others began scavenging various effects from their bodies.

"Is there no way we can save everyone?" she said sadly as he pressed a gentle kiss into her hair.

"Believe me, I wish there was a way too. We helped save the last of the village, and we can now save Eamon's family: there must a some way to do it."

"But…Connor is an a-" Arria swallowed, not wanting to say the word out loud. A child should never have to pay the price for trying to save a parent, it was just too cruel.

Alistair sighed, unable to say it himself. "I know, but there had to be a way, I'm sure of it. I'm glad the demon fell for your bluff."

"You and me both, I have no intention of killing a child."

An idea struck him. "Maybe that mage, Jowan, would know of a way to save him."

"Good idea. Rod, Morrigan." The two called upon people turned to face her. "Go to the dungeon and fetch Jowan. I don't think he will try anything, but if he does, do whatever you have to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone: even if that means killing him."

Morrigan raised an eyebrow while Rod nodded in acceptance. "Come on, Morrigan, let's go. I'll fill you in on the way." With a face of thunder, the witch followed the young knight out.

A groan from nearby caught Alistair and Arria's attention, and they spun to see Isolde helping Teagan from the floor, having regained consciousness. "Teagan, are you all right?" asked Isolde as the man unsteadily got back to his feet. He nearly lost his footing, at which Alistair jumped in and caught him, then supported him as he regained his balance.

"I'm sorry, Teagan, but you didn't leave us much choice," apologised Alistair

"No, it is fine. I thank the two of you for helping me to becoming sound of mind once more. What happened?"

"Connor ran off as soon as the battle started," answered Arria. "I don't know where he is now."

"Please, I beg you! Do not kill my boy!" begged the Arlessa once more.

Arria sighed. "Despite what I portrayed earlier, I had no intention whatsoever of killing Connor. We were lucky that the demon viewed it as a true threat and retreated."

"You…you wouldn't have killed him?"

"No, not until we have examined every other avenue possible." The Arlessa smiled in relief. "Rod and Morrigan are bringing Jowan. Hopefully he can present us with another solution."

The trio arrived not long after, Jowan clearly having not made an attempt to escape. It seemed he truly wanted to atone for what he had done, and Arria's thoughts towards him softened slightly. "You are lucky to be alive, Jowan, after all you have done," spat Isolde.

"I did not summon the demon, Lady Isolde, but…but I did poison the Arl, and that started all this. If you'll let me, I want to help."

Arria heard the earnest plea in his voice. "Do you have any ideas on how to stop the demon?"

"Well, the easiest option would be to kill Connor, certainly. But, there is another way. A mage could enter the Fade and do battle with the demon there."

"But how is that possible?" asked Alistair.

"Connor made contact with the demon in the Fade, and it is from there that the demon controls him. Normally, to send a mage into the Fade requires a vast amount of lyrium and several mages; but I have Blood magic. With it, we can get around that problem."

"But at what cost?" asked Arria, knowing the workings of Blood magic all too well.

"It…would mean sacrificing whoever I used. For the amount of power I require, it would kill the offering."

"What? So we would have to sacrifice someone to save Connor?" Teagan was horrified at the idea, a feeling shared by both Alistair and Arria.

"If that is what must be done, then take my life," declared Isolde strongly.

"Isolde, no."

"If this is the only way to save my son, then I will gladly give my life in exchange. I am his mother, I have the right to give up my own life to see my son live."

"It's not an option, so there is no point discussing it further," stated Arria harshly. Having seen the effects of Blood magic first hand, she knew there was never any guarantee regarding its success, and she would never willingly agree to its use on principle. There was of course the exception she had taken part in, but since that had played a part in her survival up the this day, she still stood by it. It was now that a thought occurred to her. "Jowan, what if we can get the lyrium and mages to you?"

"Arria, what are you getting at here?" asked Alistair.

"Surely the Circle could help us, if they found out what was going on here. How far away is the Tower?"

Alistair's eyes widened in understanding. "It's only a day away from here. Brilliant, Arria!" She blushed fiercely at the praise.

"But, what about the demon? It will not remain docile for long," said Isolde sadly.

"We can leave most of our company here to help defend Redcliffe should it retaliate. I'll take as few people as possible with me to the Tower. If only three of us are gone, it should not tip the scales out of our favour."

Teagan thought this over before answering. "It seems to be our best option. Very well, Arria, take your companions with you and make for the Tower with all possible haste. I do not know how long we can hold out here, but we will await your return." With that, Teagan took Isolde with him as they left the hall.

Arria turned to Alistair, but he spoke before she had the chance to say anything. "I don't care what you say, I'm coming with you. There is no way you are leaving me here while you head to the Tower. Besides, one of the treaties is for the Tower, so you'll need me."

She giggled. "Wanted to make your case, did you? I had no intention of asking you to stay." He smiled back to her before she faced the rest of their company. "Leliana." The Bard faced the Wardens. "Come with us to the Tower." She bowed her head in acceptance. "Everyone else, you are to stay and defend the village. Elissa, Rod." The couple came over to meet Arria. "I'm leaving the two of you in charge while we are gone. Co-ordinate with Teagan, Murdock and Ser Perth to make sure the village is secure. Hopefully we will only be gone for the one night, but may prove to not be the case. Look after yourselves."

Elissa nodded. "Count on us, Arria. We'll make sure the village is still standing when you return. Be safe."

It was now that Carou approached his mistress, a hurt look in his eyes. Arria stroked his fur gently. "Stay here, Carou. The village will be in greater danger than us, and they will need all the help they can get if another attack comes." He whined at her pitifully. "No, I'm not changing my mind. I want you to listen to both Lissa and Rod while I'm gone, okay?" The Mabari hung his head sadly, not wanting to be parted from Arria but doing as she asked. She placed a gentle kiss to his head as Alistair crouched next to her.

He scratched Carou's ear roughly. "Don't worry boy, I'll make sure she doesn't get into too much trouble."

"Don't you mean _I'll_ be there to pull _you _out of trouble?" asked Arria playfully.

"Ha-ha. Very funny." The two shared a smile as Carou barked at them. "We'll see you soon."

The two stood again as Leliana came to join them. "When do we leave?"

"Now. We'll stop by Bodahn to pick up our camping supplies, and then we are off to the Tower. Perhaps we can make it by nightfall."

The three soon set off, picking up what they needed from the dwarf before they ran down the road, hoping that at a full sprint they could reach the Tower before dark. Time was not on their side, and the fates of Eamon's family hung in the balance. Arria prayed that this gamble would succeed and they could get the mages' help before Redcliffe fell. If she was left with the choice between Connor and Isolde, she did not know what she would do, and she would do anything to see that not come to pass.

* * *

And so we come to the beginnings of the Circle Tower, where some major events are going to take place. Please let me know your thoughts!

Negative Angel


	12. Into Magic's Grasp

Wow, longest chapter yet and first one over 7,000 words. As always, I send out my thanks to all who favourited/followed, but I send out my love to all my reviewers: **Musicalrain, YunikuRebekit, likarain, Eve Hawke **and **Monique Seiei**. Thank you all so much!

I've updated my profile page to give you all an idea of what I plan for this fic and its future, as well as leaving you a link for my map of Thedas, so you can all see where Nileesa is situated.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

Brace yourselves for some minor changes ahead, and some major twists. These next five chapters are big!

* * *

**Chapter 11: Into Magic's Grasp**

Despite their best efforts, the trio only made it two-thirds of the way to Kinloch Hold as darkness took hold. Knowing that continuing on their way would not be so wise, they decided to make camp inside a series of caves. A few minutes of exploration had ensured no creatures slumbered within, though Arria had already known that upon entering them. She had revealed much to Alistair, knowing he was ignorant of her people, as were many Fereldens. Leliana however…being Orlesian, it was entirely possible she knew of Nileesa, as many of the noble families in Orlais had ties to the houses of Nileesa. Though some had great respect for their culture, she knew that it had been fear which had driven them to seek out her people and learn as much as they could: or more specifically how much of a threat they were. Not knowing which side of the debate Leliana came down on, Arria had chosen to keep her displays of her abilities to a minimum around the Bard. It was entirely possible that Leliana had already deduced it from the Song, but given her silence up to this point… Arria hoped she was right in the assumption the silence was based on ignorance, rather than a plotting to subdue her.

Alistair had begun a fire in one of the larger chambers while Leliana had left to find them something to eat, leaving Arria to her own thoughts as she watched him bring the fire to life. A gentle smile touched her face as he flashed a grin at her when he was successful, then deciding to set out their bedrolls in comfortable positions. She had been deliberately avoiding thinking too much of the closeness of their relationship, but she realised it couldn't be put off much longer. Given all the terrors Howe had put her through at his hands: how he had used, abused and humiliated her in the most vile ways imaginable - raped her daily, offered her to other nobles, presented her as a reward to his personal guard for their continued service – she had never again thought to let a man touch her, let alone get close to her.

But Alistair…somehow his naïve charm and gentle heart had found its way into her own, and she realised that she treasured the bond they had formed. Long had she denied there was something beyond friendship there, but there was a definite care for him: something much deeper and much more powerful that had grown along with them. Their shared grief and experiences had drawn them to become dependent on each other as friends and allies, but much to her dismay and alarm an attraction had grown too, and she didn't know how to deal with it. While she enjoyed the physical side of their friendship she knew there was no intent behind his touch either, and thus he was no danger. Should that change…Arria didn't know how she could handle it. Howe's actions had left lasting scars upon her mind, body and soul. The physical ones may have healed but the emotional and mental ones still haunted her, in her conscious and subconscious minds. Her instant fear around men had lessened to an extent; though should any but Alistair get too close she still trembled and felt like running. That or gutting them alive, whichever came to her mind first. The perfect mask which she had prided herself upon having before coming to Ferelden was long gone: lost along with her people.

Thoughts of her conflicting feelings towards Alistair and her prior ways of concealing emotions allowed a rare memory to surface. It was of a month before Merlinne fell, and an event which held the potential to change her life forever, should she have embraced it…

* * *

_The two captains entered the Sovereign's Hall together, curious at the invitation. Though they had met the rulers of Nileesa before and been introduced, this would be a much different conversation. Before they had been among those to stop an assassination attempt by the Crows. This time, it was in a time of peace and little threat. What the Kings of Nileesa could possibly want with them…Were it not for Garros' calm composure behind the youngest of the three brothers, the pair of them might have feared what lay ahead._

_As they came before the three Kings, the two of them descended upon bended knee before their rulers. "Rise, Captains Rivell and Luconde." Both Arria and Tomerre did as commanded and stood to attention. "We wanted to congratulate the both of you on your successes in the recent tournament. Twas a great surprise to see two of Nileesa's youngest Captains best many of those more experienced, and even those of greater rank than yourselves…" began the eldest of the three Kings, glancing behind him at the two more aged Commanders, both of whom kept their faces impassive. Garros smiled in pride as he remembered both Arria and Tomerre defeating one of the other two Commanders in titanic duels; duels which would be remembered until the next Champions Tournament in ten years' time. Tomerre had defeated the previous champion while Arria had bested the man favourite to take the title of Grand Champion. "And though you were both eventually defeated in the finals by Commander Garros, you both performed admirably, in a way which supposedly defies your titles and stations. You defeated Masters and Commanders, while you are simply First Class Captains. It is for these achievements that we have summoned you here today."_

"_In six months' time," continued the middle brother, "Commanders Tellure and Osen will be retiring; choosing instead to live simpler lives, and they have both earned the right for their many years of service. We ask that the two of you take up their stations and become the final components of the new Command Trio." Both Arria's and Tomerre's eyes widened as the enormity of the announcements began to sink in. "Commander Garros will instead move to protect King Elloin, the eldest among us, while Tomerre will become my protector and Arria protector to Mallos, our younger brother." Both Captains turned to Garros, who had a beaming smile on his face. "Will you accept this duty?"_

_The pair of them looked at each other in mild shock, not expecting anything of this magnitude. With a small smile of determination and a familiar glint in each other's eyes, they faced the Kings and bowed before them once more. "It would be our honour, Your Majesties, to take up these posts," answered Arria. All three of the sovereigns smiled, pleased with their answer. _

"_We are glad, and your friendships with Commander Garros will make the three of you a fine team. Tellure and Osen will take you under their wings in three months' time as they prepare for handing over to the two of you."_

"_That is all we have for now. Captain Luconde, you are excused," spoke King Mallos. Tomerre bowed once more to the Kings and glanced at Arria before he left, sensing her confusion as well as conveying his own. It seemed he didn't have a clue about why she was chosen to stay either. "Captain Rivell." Arria stood back to attention before the King, who joined her before the thrones. "Walk with me." She sent a questioning look at Garros who simply smiled and nodded after the young King. Realizing he probably knew what Mallos wanted of her, Arria calmed slightly at his relaxed response, but her curiosity grew as he led her out to a balcony which looked out over Merlinne. He sighed deeply and beckoned for her to stand beside him. "It is beautiful out here, is it not?"_

"_It is, Your Majesty," answered Arria, her breath stolen by the view. Never before had she seen the whole city quite like this, and the grandeur of it was something to behold. The stunning architecture of the buildings was plain to see as the various spires and towers burst up above the skyline, giving the landscape many levels and quirks. She wondered how often the King must stand out on the balcony and gaze upon the city…it would be so easy to lose hours just standing there! _

"_I come out here to think, and to see all it is that we have accomplished. To think that our little nation has grown to what is it now: it is nothing less than remarkable." Mallos turned to look at Arria. "And it is people like you that make it happen, Arria. You defend us and the kingdom while training your successors, and your strength is now legendary among the city following your recent triumphs. While Commander Garros is now the Grand Champion, you are his protégée. People admire and respect you, among not only the civilian population, but within the ranks of our army and here in the palace." Arria blushed deeply at the praise. Mallos smiled at her reaction. "You are a beautiful woman, Arria. The true reason I asked you here, was to inquire as to whether you belong to anyone."_

"_Er…no, Your Majesty."_

"_In that case, I would be honoured if you would become not only my protector, but my mistress as well, with a view of someday becoming my Queen." Arria's eyes widened as she gasped quietly. Of all the things running through her head, this hadn't been what she had expected!_

_She spluttered a couple of times before answering. "I-I am beyond flattered, Your Majesty."_

"_I can sense a but here."_

_She smiled apologetically. "I feel I am too young. You are an experienced and wise King, and though you are the youngest of your brothers, you are still seven years older than I am. At 21, I have barely seen the world, nor experienced its wonders."_

_Mallos chuckled. "Garros told me that you might give such an answer. Then allow me this: after your Coming of Age, allow me to ask you once more, should you still not belong to another. If that is the case, or you still wish to refuse my offer, I will respect your wishes."_

_Arria was amazed at the offer. "You would wait another six months for me?" In Nileesa, turning 22 brought about a ceremony called the Coming of Age: a passage into adulthood. At this time, the person would embark on a pilgrimage across all of Nileesa, to experience their country and learn its secrets before returning home. As such, pilgrims were commonplace among the whole country and helped along their way by the population. The pilgrimage would normally take three months to complete and Arria's 22nd birthday was in just over three months' time._

_Mallos nodded. "I would. You are truly a vision Arria, and I don't think you realise just how desirable you are." She blushed deeply again. "And before you ask, no I am not worried about my brothers' reactions. It is not unheard of for a ruler of Nileesa to marry their protector, though this would be only the third time in our history for a King to marry a protector Queen."_

_She giggled. "I am honoured that you think that, Your Majesty, and I thank you for giving me more time. I shall have an answer ready for you when you ask again."_

_He smiled and took her hand, placing a gentle kiss atop it. "Until then, my lady," she bowed to him as he departed, unsurprised when her mentor showed up but seconds later at her side._

_Arria crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him. "You knew what he was going to ask me, didn't you?"_

_Garros smirked. "Of course I did. Mallos knows of our relationship, unlike many others, and he asked for my permission to pursue you, at which I told him it was an old-fashioned notion and it was for you to make up your own mind. I did warn him however that you might say you thought you were too young, rather than telling him the truth." _

_Arria sighed, unsurprised that Garros knew. "How do you do that?"_

"_I'm the one that taught you that mask, so I can see right through it. That and you are my little sister, I knew you too damn well anyway." She smiled at that. "So, what are you going to do?"_

"_I don't know. Though at the moment I am thinking if nothing has happened by the time Mallos asks me again, I might just accept his offer. It's not that I don't find him attractive-"_

"_It's just your heart already belongs to someone else, I know. But just think, in a couple of years you could be Queen." At that, Arria burst out laughing, finding the idea that she could ever realistically be Queen absurd. "Are you ever going to tell him, or are you going to wait for him to make a move? Cause by now you must know that he doesn't do well in first moves."_

_Arria chuckled. "And I do? Come on Garros, I've never been in a relationship, what do I know about them?"_

"_First hint: don't sit around for months with indecision." She pouted and looked out across the city again. "Shall I tell Mallos the real reason you refused him is because you want to see if things will develop between you and Tomerre?"_

_She spun back on his sharply. "No, no, no! I'll…I'll think of something. I just…I don't know what to do," she answered rather pathetically._

_He laughed quietly and pulled her in for a hug. "Okay, Arri, I won't do that, I'm not that mean. But I will say this, don't lose your chance waiting too long."_

* * *

It had turned out that Garros' words were prophetic, for but a month later she had lost everything she knew and loved. Regret welled in her heart that she had never acted on her feelings before, though this time she was not torn over whether to act on her own feelings, but on if she wanted those feelings to exist at all. Only time would tell as to whether it was right or wrong to do something this time. She almost chuckled at the irony of it: she once turned down a King and now she had fallen for a man who could, and maybe should, be King. It was bizarre.

Alistair sat down next to her, breaking her out of her trip down memory lane. "What you thinking about?"

She smiled. "My home."

"Good things I take it?"

"Yeah, it's still painful if I go for some memories, though to be honest I think I locked most of them away. My time at Howe's hands caused me to shut everything away and now that I have the opportunity to grieve and move on, I'm not sure I am brave enough to face it."

He wrapped an arm around her and she leant in, resting her head on his shoulder. "I can see why you don't want to think about it, to be honest I still try not to think of Duncan too much, but it is getting easier, I can tell you that. Once we manage to save Connor from the demon, we can afford to relax a little and face it completely."

"Yeah…"

It was now that he chose to bring up something which had been bothering him since Redcliffe Castle. "Arria, how is that you were initially afraid of Jowan, yet you said Blood Magic can't hurt you?"

She snuggled in tighter. "Blood mages were the ones who killed my family, or at least they were the driving force behind it."

His eyes widened. "How could that have been? Didn't the Templars step in to help?"

She chuckled bitterly. "I'd love to see the Templars take on the Tevinter mages, though I doubt they'd last long."

"Wait…Tevinter mages killed your family? I thought you were from around Antiva?"

"I lived between the two countries, so knew them both well. But to answer your other question of how Blood Magic can't hurt me, I can thank one of my closest friends for that. You see, while I have a great hatred for Blood mages normally, he was the one person with Blood magic I trusted. He never used it against another living creature, except to make them immune to the influence of Blood magic in the future."

"How…?"

"He…I don't know the intricacies of it, but he manipulated our blood by putting, what did he call it? I can't remember, but he described it almost like building a resistance within our blood itself, so when Blood magic is used, our blood can fight back as well as our minds. It was quite ingenious, but dangerous. He would only do it to those who he thought were strong enough to go through with the whole spell, and it lasted for roughly an hour."

"I can't imagine ever agreeing with Blood magic."

"I hope you never do, but with living so close to Tevinter, I suppose it was a necessary evil for me. Were it not for that manipulation of my blood, I don't think I would be here today."

At that, Alistair was willing to forgive the use of Blood magic. He still hadn't got the details of how what had happened, but every little clue and insight she gave him let him see into her a little more. He hoped it wouldn't be long until she could finally reveal who she truly was, if she even knew it herself now. After all she had been through, he had the feeling that she was discovering that along with him.

Leliana returned not long after carrying several rabbits, a big beaming smile on her face. The two Wardens watched her as she skewered the dead animals and set about cooking them on the fire. "So, Leliana, tell us about yourself. You are from Orlais, yes?" asked Alistair of their companion. Though she had been travelling with them since Lothering, they were yet to find out much about her.

The red-haired woman raised an eyebrow and sat back. "What is it you wish to know?"

"Well, I suppose the thing that has me most curious is where a Chantry sister learns to fight like that?"

She laughed lightly. "Oh, I was not always a Chantry sister, but then again Arria no doubt knows much of where I learned my skills. After all, we are trained in the same arts."

Arria smiled. "I was wondering whether you heard the Song within me, just as I did you."

"Indeed I did, though I am unfamiliar with your own personal Song. It sounded…cluttered, almost as if you were trying to conceal it."

The blonde-haired woman chuckled. "That would be because you heard two, not an attempt at deception. I am trained in two areas of the Song."

"Ah, that explains it, I have never met anyone trained in anything but my own arts."

"I'm sure we could swap skills easily enough."

The two women smiled at each other before Leliana continued. "While I was in Orlais, I was a travelling minstrel. I played for the crowds and they rewarded me with coin and praise. It was a good living."

"But," pressed Arria, sensing that Leliana was holding back on them.

"But…it was not how it stayed. I caught the eye of powerful people, and my simple life changed to a dangerous and exciting one as a Bard."

"What's the difference between a Bard and a minstrel, I thought they were one in the same?" asked Alistair.

"Not quite," answered Arria. "A Bard is almost an extension of the minstrel, they use their voice to either empower their allies, and occasionally sabotage their enemies, but they are also trained in arts similar to an assassin. They move with stealth and can glamour themselves to appear as anything, with but the right training."

Leliana smiled at the explanation. "That is pretty much it, though I specialised in the espionage side of the Bardic arts, rather than the combat. I learnt how to portray myself as a lady of noble birth, or a common soldier. I could be anything I wanted to be. It was a happy life, which came crashing down rather quickly. As it did, I swiftly left Orlais and came to Ferelden, hoping to live a quiet and simple life once more."

"What happened?"

The bard looked at the male Warden, warring over whether to reveal her secrets, and settled for telling at least part of her tale. "I was betrayed, by one whom I loved. My mentor, Marjolaine, gave me up as traitor, and after suffering a punishment befitting of such a person, I fled here, choosing to live in the Chantry. It gave me a peace I had not felt in so long."

"You were in love and she left you to die?"

"Yes, it seems she did not share my feelings, or maybe it was all an illusion to begin with, I do not know."

Arria felt for Leliana. She had known love with her mentor, though it was a different kind of love. Had she been betrayed like Leliana had…she might never have recovered. Her respect and admiration for the other woman grew greatly. It seemed much of their group had come together via previous tragedies, but she was determined that together they could bring about an end to that pattern. "What about growing up in Orlais? Before all that happened? I imagine you were anything but a shy young girl."

Laughter echoed around as they began swapping stories of various mishaps in their childhood years but it wasn't long before the group settled down for the night, knowing that tomorrow would be an early start if they were to have any chance of making it back to Redcliffe within the day. Arria found sleep evasive as thoughts of their companions back in the village consumed her thoughts. Her worried over their safety kept her awake for a couple of hours until Alistair pulled her into his embrace, reassuring her. She sighed deeply, trying to rid herself of her worried and absorb the comfort he offered her. Sleep eventually came to her but it was then Alistair who found sleep impossible. Something was nagging at him that there might be danger ahead, but from what he couldn't be sure. The Circle would not harm them, so it wasn't that.

Putting it down to an overactive imagination, he tighter onto Arria, keeping his gaze upon the young woman, determined to protect her in the days ahead. The time alone with his thoughts allowed him to think back on her reaction to his true birth, and he was glad she thought no differently of him since then. What did shock him however, was how strong his suppressed feelings for her were growing. He still refused to reveal them since he did not want to frighten her, knowing of her fear but it wouldn't be long before she saw it herself at the rate he was going. It was feeling her strong heartbeat which eventually dragged them off to sleep, unaware of the peril which lay ahead.

* * *

When they entered the Tower, they found a flurry of activity. It had taken a bit of gentle_ persuasion_ on the parts of both Arria and Leliana before the Templar guarding the way across had relented and let them pass, leaving them to suspect something was going on, which proved right as they met Knight Commander Greagoir. The man looked exhausted and fed up, and he spoke to the group with a weary, but stern expression. "What in Andraste's name are you all doing here? I told that idiot not to let anyone across the lake."

"Knight Commander Greagoir, I presume?" began Arria, unfazed when the man glared at her in response. "We are Grey Wardens, come for the assistance of the Circle."

The man sighed and snarled back at her. "I am weary of the Grey Wardens demanding assistance of the mages, and I must ask that all of you leave."

"We aren't here on Grey Warden business, but to help the people of Redcliffe. The people are at the mercy of a demon, and only the Circle have the power to help us save as many lives as possible!" Greagoir looked closely at the trio, and saw that Arria's impassioned plea was no lie: it was indeed their true reason for being here.

"Even though you may be here for that purpose, I am afraid the aid you seek cannot be given. There has been an uprising of the mages, and abominations now wander the Tower." Leliana gasped in horror. "We have barred the doors in a last effort to halt them before the Right of Annulment arrives."

"So you intend to destroy the Circle completely?" asked Alistair. Arria shook her head in disbelief; they couldn't have come this far only to see the ones who could save Eamon's family destroyed right before their eyes.

"There is little choice. The Circle is already lost."

"Surely if we can clear out the Tower, there would be no need to go to such extremes?" begged Arria, hoping the man could see sense.

Greagoir stared at the younger Warden. "I assure you, an abomination is something to be feared. It is not just another creature which can be slain."

"Nevertheless, we must try. We cannot sit back as you kill the mages and doom not only the innocent among them, but those of Redcliffe too."

Greagoir glared at her for a few moments before he raised his gaze to both Alistair and Leliana, finding that they were of the same stance as Arria. He relented and signalled the men stationed at the door. "Once you pass beyond, we cannot let you return. I will only open the doors if you bring First Enchanter Irving before me with proof that the Circle can still be trusted: that the rogue mages and abominations have been wiped out, understood?" The three of them nodded. "Then may the Maker bless you on your way."

Alistair, Arria and Leliana stepped through into the main Tower, and were horrified at the number of corpses littered across the halls and in the dormitories just off to the sides. It seemed mages, apprentices and abominations shared death together and the three of them sometimes had to pick their way between the bodies in an attempt to move forward. Their hopes tumbled of finding enough people to eliminate the demon back in Redcliffe.

Alistair held back the urge to destroy something nearby as he saw just how many children were among the dead. He stopped abruptly and only Arria's quick reflexes stopped her from slamming into the back of him. When she followed his eyes to the children she took his hand and squeezed it tightly. Alistair gripped back so hard that she almost felt he was crushing her hand, but before he could hurt her he spun around and pulled her into his arms. Sensing he needed this, Arria held on tight, letting him rein himself in. She had seen multitudes of the dead before, back in Merlinne, and what she saw here couldn't even compare. For Alistair, however, this was unlike anything he had ever seen. He pulled back and stroked her hair. "You are handling this well."

She looked away briefly. "I've seen, and been part of, worse." At his shocked glance she continued. "Not now, not with all of this but…once we are back at Redcliffe, I will tell you more, I promise." With a nod of acceptance the pair continued and caught up to Leliana who was waiting for them just ahead. The Bard had watched their interactions with a small smile on her face, hoping the pair could confess their obvious feelings for one another soon.

As they entered another large chamber they saw an older mage strike down a Rage demon with an ice spell, and she was familiar to both Alistair and Arria. "Wynne?" asked Arria. Though she may have not been too enamoured of the older woman's judgement of her back in Ostagar, she was glad to see someone else survived that tragedy.

She turned to face the trio, readying her staff for another attack until she recognised both Alistair and Arria. "Grey Wardens? I warn you, come no closer, else I shall strike you down where you stand."

Arria looked to her two companions behind her, who sheathed their weapons at her nod. She put her away her own blades before talking to the mage again. "We aren't here to fight, Wynne: we are here looking for the Circle's help."

Relaxing upon seeing the group were no threat, Wynne replaced her staff upon her back. "Then how did you get through? Why would Greagoir agree to let you pass?"

Alistair sensed what was worrying Wynne. "The Right of Annulment isn't here yet, if that is what has you concerned."

She sighed. "I was afraid that they would have sent for it. Surely Greagoir thinks us all dead or turned into those _things."_

"Wynne, what happened her?"

"We had somewhat of a revolt on our hands, compliments of a mage named Uldred. Once he returned from the battle at Ostagar, he thought to take over the Circle. When I returned and exposed his lies surrounding the events of that battle, Irving went to confront him. What you see now is the result of that encounter. I will not let one man's fool pride destroy the Circle."

"Greagoir let us through to help eliminate all of the abominations running rampant through the tower."

"I erected a barrier over the entrance to stop any of the foul creatures following us in here, in an attempt to protect the children. I will lower it, if you promise to help me in saving the Circle."

"Of course, Wynne. But will the children be safe here?"

"Petra and Kinnon can look after them."

Arria nodded as Petra called upon Wynne. "Wynne, are you sure you will be all right? You were badly hurt earlier."

"I'll be fine. If we don't clear out these abominations, all will be lost." Wynne left the other mages and approached the barrier, Arria not far behind her. "I'm rather amazed I managed to keep the barrier up as long as I did."

"Are you sure you are strong enough to do this Wynne?" At the glare from the older woman Arria amended her original statement. "Petra just said you were badly wounded before, and I know the toll healing magic takes on both the recipient and the user. No doubt you had to heal others before you were healed yourself."

Wynne's eyes softened. "This is my home, Warden, and I intend to do everything I can to save it." Arria nodded in reply, accepting the woman's wishes. She had no right to deny Wynne the chance to defend her home and those close to her. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, destroy it."

* * *

Upon reaching the next floor, the group had discovered that a young mage called Niall had taken the Litany of Adralla: a chant used to resist Blood magic, from the Circle vault. With confirmation that Uldred's group were now using Blood magic, they proceeded carefully, Arria insisting that she take the lead throughout the tower. Alistair was reluctant to say the least, and his heart leapt into his throat when he saw three mages cast Blood spells upon her. However, she snapped the control and quickly killed two of them while stabbing the wrist of the last so badly that she was no longer able to use her staff. The other three joined her as the mage begged for her life. "Why should I show you mercy when you have murdered so many others? You attacked me without a second thought."

"We just wanted to be free…Please, I want only my life-"

"You shall have freedom: in death." Arria ripped her blade across the young woman's throat, killing her instantly.

Wynne scowled at her as she stood once more. "You killed her rather than giving her the chance to atone for her crimes."

"You would condone the use of Blood magic? _Nothing _of good can come from it when it is used as a weapon. Anyone who would use Blood magic for their own personal gains deserves that fate, no matter their reason for starting down that road to begin with." She marched off, not even looking at Alistair as he tried to catch her attention.

He sighed as Wynne snorted in disgust. "She cares not for mages."

Alistair turned to the older woman. "It's not that she hates mages: it's Blood mages she hates. Her world was ripped apart by Blood mages as they killed her family. I can't say I blame her; besides, I would never agree to the use of Blood magic either. It's…It's evil."

Wynne's stance mellowed slightly. "So she has suffered at their hands, no wonder her hatred is so powerful. I just hope it doesn't lead to her killing an innocent."

"If Arria has one fault, it is trying to save too many people, even when the odds are stacked against us. She could have chosen to let one of either Connor or Isolde die back in Redcliffe, but instead we are here, fighting to save the mages in a desperate attempt to save both of them, while Redcliffe itself is still in danger."

"In that case I would say she is foolish for endangering more lives."

Alistair was ready to snap at the older woman before Leliana stepped in. "Surely you cannot fault her actions: it is her unwillingness to sacrifice innocent lives without taking every possible option that has led us here, to protecting the mages. Had we not come, you would be at the base of the tower waiting for the Templars to kill every mage who dwells here."

Wynne went scarlet in embarrassment as the truth of Leliana's statement sunk in. "I won't be telling Arria what you just said, but you might want to be a little more careful around her. We don't know everything that happened to her and she is a bit emotionally unstable." With that, he left to try and find her as Leliana continued to talk to the mage.

He found Arria not far away, staring at her hands in mild horror. "Arria?"

She turned to him in slight shock. "She's right. I just killed that woman in cold blood." Alistair settled behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her hair as she continued. "I could have given her the chance to help us clear out the tower, to save the rest of those trapped in here."

"I don't think there is anyone left up here who isn't a blood mage or an abomination, Arria. And she was the murderer, not you."

It left Arria feeling no better. "That doesn't excuse what I just did."

"It's no excuse. We have no way of knowing whether she would have turned on us later. You did the right thing." She turned to face him, doubt clear in her eyes. "Trust yourself, Arria. You haven't led us astray yet, and I don't think you ever will. We can't afford to lose much more time or we risk all the good work we have done so far be undone by the remaining Blood mages. Remember, there are still the children at the bottom of the tower who are vulnerable."

It was the mention of those who were still in danger that brought Arria out of her confusion and she nodded in response. He kissed her forehead gently, pouring some of his care for her into it, hoping she could feel the emotion behind it. Despite herself, Arria smiled at the gesture as a small thrill passed through her body. Quickly pushing the feeling back down she thanked him as their companions soon joined them. They were only halfway to saving the Circle.

* * *

As they reached the Templar quarters higher up they found a Templar in the thrall of a Desire demon. The demon clearly had a strong hold on the man, and she left him behind as she approached Arria's group. "You are intruding on a loving moment, and I suggest you leave," spoke the demon, its voice reverberating through their bodies in a most unnerving manner. Arria shivered at the feel of it, unaware that Alistair had just done the exact same thing. Wynne and Leliana settled for glaring at the demon.

"What have you done to him?" demanded Arria.

"I have given him what he always wanted: happiness and a family, what is so wrong about that?"

"You call that happiness? All you have done is trapped him in an illusion! It's not real!" shouted Alistair.

"Yet he cannot tell the difference."

"Let him go," commanded Wynne.

"I cannot, for you see, his spirit is now entwined with mine. Only death can part us now, and even then, we die together." Arria's eyes widened at the statement. "I have what I want, and no desire to fight you. Leave us be, and I shall cause you no harm."

"You would have me simply…let you go? And he remains in your thrall-"

"Until the day he dies. If you do not believe me, look into his eyes: see his happiness." Arria was more than a little hesitant, but she approached the Templar. As she got closer, she could see his eyes had a slightly glazed look, but beneath it all, was happiness. _True _happiness. Everything the demon was saying was true.

"What will you do, should I leave you be?" asked Arria, much to the astonishment of her companions.

"We shall take our leave of this place, and live in a quiet corner of the world; away from its petty squabbles and troubles."

Arria thought this over as she kept looking into the man's eyes. It may just be an illusion but…"Arria! Don't let the demon take him! It's not real!" cried Leliana.

"Do not give this vile creature what it wants," stated Wynne, appalled that the Warden was even considering letting the demon go.

Arria turned at looked at Alistair, and he too seemed to have a hard time choosing which was the lesser evil. He met her gaze, but it was torn. "It's up to you, but given the choice, I wouldn't want to live the rest of my life in an illusion, even if made me truly happy."

She shed a tear as she realised he was right. "Damn you demon," she hissed. She spun fiercely as she drew her blade, decapitating the Templar and giving him a quick death. The demon roared in anger but then screamed in agony as Alistair's blade sliced through her stomach, impaling her. Leliana ended it with an arrow to her head and the demon faded away, leaving no trace it had even existed. Arria growled at the needless death but knew that she agreed with Alistair: living a life which was a lie was no life at all. It was simply a lie. He put a hand on her shoulder as she composed herself. She smiled faintly at him to let him know she would be okay.

"You wouldn't have really let them go, would you, Arria?" asked Leliana.

The female Warden sighed. "I don't know, Leliana. He was genuinely happy in that illusion, but that is all it was: an illusion. I don't think anyone in their hearts would truly want to live that way."

Leliana nodded but her attention was then drawn by sounds from a neighbouring room. "Did you hear that?" Arria nodded and led the group onwards, coming to a halt outside of another large chamber. They burst through the door with their weapons drawn but soon felt their worlds spinning and drowsiness overcome them.

"Why so energetic?" whispered an eerie voice in their minds. "Wouldn't it be so much better for you to drift into slumber?" They had intruded straight into a Sloth demon, and it's spell was working quickly to subdue them.

"N-No…" stuttered Leliana as her resistance began to wane.

"We must...resist," said Wynne as she struggled to stay awake.

Arria felt her own strength disappear alarmingly fast and would have found a painful landing with the floor had Alistair not used the last of his to catch her as she collapsed and guide them both to the floor. He shook her in a desperate attempt to wake her. "Arria? Come on, wake up…Stay with…me…"

With one last look at the other two he found they had both succumbed. Barely a few seconds had gone by when he drifted off into sleep, clutching Arria tightly in a vain effort to protect her.

"That's it. Sleep, and let the world forget about you."

* * *

So…next chapter is the Fade, and a perfect chance to reveal some of Arria's secrets. I don't imagine it will take me too long to write it since I have been waiting ages for it! Stand by for major plot deviation!

Please let me know what you think, and I'll see you all next time!

Negative Angel


	13. Fantasy and Reality

Okay so last chapter was over 7,000 and I promptly go and break my all time record for a chapter at around 8,700 words! My thanks go out to **Melysande, Monique Seiei, Musicalrain, likarian, Eve Hawke, YunikuRebekit **and **LadyMimzy **for all your fantastic reviews last chapter.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

And so we reach the Fade. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 12: Fantasy and Reality**

Arria's head was pounding as she stirred, but apart from the terrible ache in her head, she felt quite comfortable. As she became more aware, she realised she was propped up on several pillows in a bed. Confusion was the first thing that she felt as she tried in vain to push herself up but her arms didn't have the strength in them.

"Easy, Squirt. You're still recovering." Her eyes shot open and she scanned the room for a familiar voice.

When she found him, her heart jumped in shock and disbelief as she stuttered in an attempt to reply. "Ga-Garros?"

"You had us worried for a while there: from the way you were whimpering in your sleep we were worried you wouldn't be able to wake up."

Pushing away her bizarre reaction for now, she looked at him curiously. "Wake up? From what?"

Garros stood from his chair and came to sit next to her on the bed. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Arria sat and pondered this for a few seconds before answering. "I remember…I remember the armies of Tevinter, Nevarra and the Free Marches had us surrounded. We were preparing to make our last stand in the city." His eyes widened and she watched him in confusion.

"Arri, that was over a year ago."

"_What?!_" she exclaimed, trying to push herself up again but succeeding in nothing more than a making pathetic bounce on the bed. She growled in frustration at being so weak.

"Are you telling me that the Battle of Merlinne is the last thing you remember?" She opened her mouth to reply but then tightly shut it again. A memory seemed to tease at the edge of her mind about a tower, but she could get nothing more than a silhouette. After half a minute of successfully trying to bring it to the surface she nodded at her brother. He sighed in disappointment and took her hand. "Of all the things we were worried about if you came to…this wasn't one we had expected."

"What do you mean?"

"Three of weeks ago the Antivan Crows attacked the Kings. You were visiting Mallos that day when they struck. The assassin sent after the King sent you flying over the edge of a balcony and you fell to the floor below. It was fortunate that you landed on your back, so the only major injury you sustained was to the back of your head, though we were still concerned when we couldn't wake you. Just over a week ago you started growing fitful in your sleep but we couldn't break you free of whatever dream had you trapped. You finally calmed a few hours ago, and here you are."

"What about the Kings? Are they all right?"

"Easy, you know you shouldn't be stressing yourself out. Everyone is fine, and Tomerre is out chasing after the bastard who nearly killed you. He ran after your fall, realising that he had lost his chance to kill Mallos."

"I shouldn't be stressing myself out? As if the job isn't stressful?" A sad and pained expression came to Garros' face and she was confused at what would bring about such a reaction. He guided her hands to her stomach. A very rounded stomach. She gasped as she realised just what it was. "How…?"

"It wasn't just you we nearly lost. Knowing the Crows maybe killed you, but the baby too meant there wasn't a chance in hell Tomerre wasn't going to chase after them. I'd have been tempted to go with him had Lira not asked me to stay behind and protect you. She wasn't so convinced that you weren't a target anyway since you are so vulnerable right now." He could see the question in her eyes, and was saddened that she couldn't remember the joy of the past year. "You are five months pregnant, and needless to say the news came as a shock to everyone, most of all your husband-to-be." Garros took a ring out from his pocket and slipped it onto her ring finger.

Arria couldn't help the tears which sprung to her eyes as she looked at the ring. It was beautiful: the band was made from silver and shaped to look like intertwining branches, while a single sapphire, diamond and amethyst were set between the gaps. The ring was clearly made specially for her. She wanted to scream in denial. How could she not remember being in love, getting engaged and becoming pregnant? It seemed as if life were cheating her of the best memories.

A sharp knock on the door drew Garros' attention away from the distraught young woman. He opened the door and found Alira and Aleron on the other side. "Half of Tomerre's squadron are back, and they say they've got him," reported Aleron.

"Good. Let's hope we can find out from him whether Arria was a target or not."

"It wouldn't surprise me given she has shamed the Crows before."

"Arria!" exclaimed Alira, barging past Garros to hug her friend tightly, mindful of her bump. When Arria didn't respond the healer pulled back and examined her more closely. "Arri? Arri, what's wrong?"

"She's lost her memory, Lira," answered Garros. The healer looked at him in shock while Aleron sighed. "The last thing she can remember in the start of the Battle of Merlinne. She doesn't even remember us winning. How long until Tomerre arrives?"

"He should be here any minute."

Garros wandered back over to the bed and held a hand out for Arria. "Shall we go and welcome him back? I know he will be anxious to see you." She nodded and with both his help and Alira's she managed to unsteadily get back to her feet. Now that she was up and about, Arria could see she was in one of the wings of the palace, and she was more than a little curious as to why she was recovering there. Wouldn't she be at home? Wherever home was now of course. While they walked slowly down the corridor, Arria suddenly felt a wave of something come over her. All she could describe it as was…wrongness. Something felt off. She ignored it, putting it down to her lack of memory nagging at her, but she was determined to get those memories back. She wanted to know all that she'd missed; above all falling in love.

Aleron went on ahead to see if Tomerre had arrived while Garros and Alira helped Arria down the stairs. Her strength was returning fast now that she was on her feet, but her balance was more than a little wonky, especially in her now pregnant form. "Have you felt it yet?" asked Alira, catching Arria's attention.

"Felt what yet?"

"The baby kick. I know she's okay, but I would feel a lot better if she would let her mum know that too. A mother's assurance is always a help to confirm what my magic is telling me."

"No…I haven't." Arria's gaze switched to her belly and she cast her Song out, trying to feel the little life growing inside her. Other pregnant Dancers had told her that with the Song they could hear an echo from their unborn child, but so far she could feel nothing.

"Don't worry too much, I'm sure she's just asleep. She took a knock too when you fell, but you managed to manoeuvre yourself so that she didn't get hurt too badly. Mum was the one who was in rough shape. Had I not been already in the palace when the attack came, we might have lost both of you."

Arria looked away unsure but they soon found themselves out in the courtyard, waiting for Tomerre to arrive. Garros left the girls to talk while he spoke to Aleron. "Lira." The healer turned to face Arria. "What happened? In the Battle of Merlinne? The last thing I can remember is them surrounding the city."

"Well, when the city broke into the Battle Chorus, Nevarra and the Free Marches were spooked. They could feel the power of the song as it radiated throughout the people, and fearing they were about to embark on a losing battle, they refused to fight. Tevinter were furious and split their forces between us and the other two armies in retribution, but that proved to be a mistake. Nevarra and the Free Marches couldn't stand up to the mages in the beginning, but with a small force attacking us, we overwhelmed them quickly. We helped out the other nations and eventually Tevinter were forced to retreat while they still had some mages left. Some defected to us and Aleron has taken charge of them. I've got to say, with more mages now loyal to Nileesa, I feel a lot safer should Tevinter try anything like that again, but it would be several years before they could even make another attempt considering their losses."

"But why don't I remember any of this?"

"Memory is a strange thing. I'm guessing you lost everything up to your most traumatic moment of recent times, which would have been the beginning of the battle. At that point, we knew if the three armies attacked there was a very good chance we would have been wiped out. Had Nevarra and the Free Marches not changed their minds, I get the feeling we wouldn't be here." Once again, a faint tugging in her mind had Arria stretching out to try and reclaim a memory, but once again it eluded her. _Why can't I catch it? _she growled internally, desperate to find out what it was she was missing. _I don't care if it is a bad memory, I would take anything at this stage. _She wanted to remember having many of her wishes fulfilled, for it seemed much of that had taken place in the intervening year.

A series of screeches above them drew the girls' attentions to the skies as the saw a squad of griffons landing in the courtyard. Aleron helped three of the riders removed a man bound at the hands and feet from one of the mounts, and Arria guessed that was who had nearly killed her. _And my baby _she thought absently. Being pregnant was still an alien concept to her and she placed a protective hand over her bump. It wasn't large, but it was certainly noticeable. Garros held a hand out for the leader and she gasped as she realised it was Tomerre, but not even close to how she remembered him. His long hair was now cut short and was spiked while his silver armour was now replaced with a purple version, and even from here she could see from pattern of the lyrium infusions he was now a Master Guardian. She wondered if she had completed her own Rite of Mastery by now; that would be one of her many questions for later.

The two men shook hands and embraced briefly. "What took you so long?" asked Garros.

"The shit ran to Tevinter of all places," replied Tomerre angrily. "We spent half the time trying to avoid the mages rather than chasing the bastard. One patrol spotted us, but we killed them before they had the chance to let the Magisters know we were there. They have no idea we were even in their country."

"Good, we don't need to give them any reason to suspect we are a threat to them. Hopefully they will eventually get the hint that all we want is to live quietly."

Tomerre nodded but then dropped his calm exterior, letting worry show on his face for the first time. "How is she?"

Garros smiled and nodded over to his right. "I think your bride can answer that question herself."

Tomerre's head snapped around so fast that Arria was afraid he might have hurt himself, but what Garros had just spoken stole her breath away. She was engaged to Tomerre? As she looked into his eyes and saw such strong love shining out of them at her, she knew it was true. She had got her wish after all, to be loved by him. The young man left his griffon and ran to his future wife, drawing her into his arms and hugging her tightly, but making sure not to put any pressure on her stomach. She hugged back and could feel the trembles through his body. Never before had Tomerre been so openly emotional: yet another thing that seemed to have changed.

He pulled back and cupped her cheeks, his eyes taking her in as relief swept over him. "I was so afraid I had lost you. Both of you." He placed a hand on her protruding stomach, disappointed when he couldn't feel a kick in response. "The baby is okay, isn't she?"

"She's fine, Tomerre," stepped in Alira, seeing that all the new information was overwhelming to Arria. "We think she's just sleeping, Arria only woke up a little while ago."

He sighed in relief, but could see confusion in Arria's eyes. "Arri?" She looked at him, unsure of what to say but soon she didn't need to say anything as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

Arria gasped in her throat at the sudden move, but there was something vaguely familiar about the way his lips felt against hers. She kissed back, but there was not the reaction there that she expected. The feeling of wrongness still had not left her, and it seemed more powerful now than it did before. Tomerre pulled back, sensing something was wrong. "What is it, honey?" he asked of her, searching her eyes for the truth.

Garros came up behind them and placed a hand on Tomerre's back, drawing his attention away from their confused young companion. "Come with me, Tomerre. There's been some developments while you've been gone."

* * *

Arria had returned to "her" room, and changed from the loose clothes she had been wearing. It turned out to be some of Tomerre's spare things she had been in before, and had picked out a pale blue dress to wear into town. As with all of her items, the midsection was open, but unlike all the clothes she used to own there was a complete back to her dress. The dress was shaped in such a way that it fit around her pregnancy bump and she admired it in the mirror as she tied the halter neck in place. She noticed lots of subtle changes about her body with the form fitting dress. Her breasts were slightly larger and she had a more rounded figure. She smiled, realising that she looked good. Pregnancy suited her.

Hoping to jog some memories she had wandered down to the heart of the city, carrying only her knives and a single dagger with her. Many people had greeted her in the city, glad for her recovery while asking after her family. She answered that they were well, but she was anything but. Despair was beginning to well up inside her that she could not remember anything of the past year, and she sought out an old friend who would tell her all, not caring if some of the truths hurt her in the process. She made her way down to the Wolf Dens, glad to see the old Master Tamer who had taken a shine to her the day she had first arrived in Merlinne. Arria had been but 14, dragging her 10-year-old sister Rena behind her in a determined effort to join Garros in the Citadel Guard. Impressed with her determination and guts, the old man had looked out for her since.

He told her what she was missing. Following the Battle of Merlinne she and Tomerre had taken up their new positions as Commanders, their predecessors falling in battle while Aleron and Alira had been placed in command of two new divisions of the army: the magic battalion and the ranged warriors, with Arria and Tomerre having begun their relationships in the aftermath of that battle, the Guardian confessing his feelings to her at long last. She had felt the stirrings of a memory once more at mention of the confession, but once again it slipped away from her.

As planned, she had taken her Rite of Mastery on the eve of her 22nd birthday, but following the aggression of their neighbours she had forgone her pilgrimage across Nileesa, choosing instead to remain in Merlinne. She had upgraded her Songstress abilities and had been due to take her second Rite of Mastery before her pregnancy had been discovered. With the risk of the toll her abilities could take on her body, she had since handed her responsibilities to Aleron, but she still visited the palace many a time to meet with her close friend in King Mallos. Despite his obvious disappointment that she had found love with someone else, he had championed their relationship. Once Tomerre had proposed a month after she found out she was pregnant, Mallos had spread word of it across all of Nileesa and a large wedding had been planned. It was meant to have taken place a week ago, but after the assassination attempt by the Crows it had obviously been put on hold.

She also found out about her friends. Alira had become a Master Saviour and advanced to becoming a Sniper, First Class while Aleron had become a Swordsmith, First Class which along with being a Master Elemental and a Master Resistor, made him the second strongest warrior in all of Nileesa. Garros had foregone to opportunity to specialise a third time, choosing instead to help train the army harder than ever following their near brush with annihilation. Tomerre had become a Master Guardian in the days following their victory and had become a Shadow, First Class on top of it, with his second Rite of Mastery but two weeks away. As well as their greater achievements in combat, it seemed she and Tomerre were not the only ones to have found love. Aleron had found a potential love interest in one of the mages who had defected from Tevinter while Alira had been with a young woman who ran a stall in the markets for several months now. Arria smiled broadly as she found out all that she was missing, but the memories themselves still refused to return.

The one sad news she had learnt was that her sister, Rena, had fallen during the battle. Though the relationship between Arria and her sister had become increasingly strained over their last two years together, she had hoped to have the chance to patch things up between them. Rena had hated the fact Arria loved fighting so much: in fact Rena had despised all fighting, wishing for diplomacy to become more prominent rather than armies charging head first into each other. When Arria had been promoted to Captain and Rena had seen her training her squad one day, her sister had exploded at her, failing to see the point behind it all. She had moved out of their home that day, moving into the Chantry to help heal those "victims of pointless violence", as she had put it.

While the Chantry was nowhere near as powerful in Nileesa as it was in other countries it had found a strange balance with the unusual society. They had always objected to the Nileesan policy that mages should be allowed to live just as freely as the rest of the population, but when the ancient rulers to accept it or leave the country, they had chosen to keep their mouths shut. Of course when the Chantry later discovered the true power the Nileesans held, as well as the fact that almost _all _of the population had magical blood: meaning that not only could anyone become a mage, but subsequently become an abomination, they had been prepared to launch and Exalted March against them. Were it not for Emperor King Marcos and Matriarch Queen Solanna, the greatest rulers in their history, giving the Chantry a demonstration of the Nileesans true power, the Chantry might just have tried it. They had struck an agreement: the Chantry would watch them for a hundred years and see if anything changed. Should they see that the danger was too great, they would march. Four hundred years had since passed and seeing that the Nileesans had struck a true balance of peace, they have since kept a presence, but do not interfere in the politics of the country, fearful of disturbing the balance and seeing the country become another Tevinter.

Arria thanked the man for all he had told her and wandered to the city square, smiling as she remembered the day she met her friends. Garros and Aleron had been choosing new recruits for the army, of which Arria, Tomerre and Alira had been among them. Disgusted with how weak many of them were, Tomerre had struck out and fought as many as he could, showing their weakness of to the rest of them. Thinking him as an arrogant arse, Arria had fought him in a furious duel which saw her come out the victor, though neither were in the best of shaped. Her shoulder had been dislocated and she had been slashed down her side while Tomerre had found one of her daggers planted in his leg and his arm broken beyond all use. Impressed his raw talent, though knowing his attitude needed some adjusting, the two older men had chosen Tomerre to join their ranks while Arria was almost picked by default because of Garros' training. Alira had managed to heal both of them back to full health, and thus had earned her spot among the healers, though she later learnt to wield a bow to join them on the battlefield. It seemed bizarre to her that would be nearly nine years ago. With her birthday but one month away, if would be three months till the anniversary of that day, for she did celebrate it. It may have been a foul day, it had given her the family she knew today.

Arms wrapped themselves around her stomach and she leant back as she felt Tomerre's calloused hands stroking her taut belly. Yet again her instincts were screaming at her something was not right but she quietened them, not wanting to ruin this moment. "I've been looking for you," he whispered into her ear. "What were you thinking about?"

"Us," she replied, a smile on her face. "The day we met."

"Ah, the day I declared you my eternal rival." She giggled at that. "I really did hate you, and I wished nothing more than to best you after that."

"I don't think I've ever asked you this before, but when did that change? When did you stop hating me?"

Tomerre's smile disappeared. "You did ask me that once, but you won't remember it…" She saddened as she realised it wasn't just her who had lost something because of these events. "It was the day we were sent after some Feral bears. Do you remember that?"

Now that she did remember. They had been 17 and a pack of bears had been terrorising some farmers . She had been sent with Tomerre and five other recruits to kill them. Things hadn't gone well and it had left only the two of them alive: they were unarmed, wounded and fighting for survival against the last three animals. They had survived in the wilderness for three days before Aleron and Alira had come to their rescue with a larger group. "Yeah, I remember. I was fairly convinced we were going to die out there."

"So was I, although internally I was cursing the Maker that out of all people to be stuck with, it was you. After those three days however, I saw you in a new light."

"We became friends after that, although even that took some going."

He chuckled. "Yeah, sorry I was so stubborn."

"It wouldn't have been you if you weren't stubborn, Merre."

Tomerre spun here around and looked into her eyes with so much love that she felt like melting. "There is something else that happened here which was a first for us."

"Oh?"

"It was where I first did this." With that, he held her and kissed her tenderly. This time, the kiss felt alien to Arria and she couldn't figure out why, but it was just as she had always imagined being kissed by him to feel.

As he pulled back she jumped in surprised at the feeling from her stomach. She could feel it: her baby was kicking. _Their _baby was kicking. While some of what was going on around she was unsure of, that felt _right. _"She just kicked," she laughed to Tomerre and guided his hand to the spot she could feel it. He laughed in chorus with her and picked her up bridal style, spinning her around on the spot.

Arria let her heart fill with joy in that moment. It was what she had always wanted, but something was still holding her back. She resolved to solve this mystery tonight.

* * *

When they returned to their chambers, Arria sat upon their bed and turned her mind to all the insecurities she had felt throughout the day. Firstly, there was Garros. When she had awakened, she had felt like he shouldn't have been there, that he wasn't _meant_ to be there. But that was insane, wasn't it? Why wouldn't he be there?

The second time had been on her way down to meet Tomerre. She couldn't describe it as anything other than her instincts telling her there was something wrong. Again, she couldn't understand it. Strangely enough, many a time today she had felt unease at her surroundings and around her friends and family. Why would she feel like that around them? Is this not what she wanted?

She punched a pillow in frustration, angry at herself for not being able to remember. A knock on the door disturbed her and allowed her mind to clear somewhat. "Yes?" she called. A smile appeared when she saw Aleron enter. "Ron, what brings you here?"

"Just checking up on you. Anything starting to stir?"

"No, nothing. Why can't I remember this?! They are the moments I've dreamed about for years, so why I can't I hang onto the damn things!" she cried out, clenching her fists tightly. Aleron sat next to her and clasped her hands, unfurling them.

"You have long nails, Arri, you'll hurt yourself. What have you tried?"

"Everything I can think of! Why won't it work?"

"Maybe you are going about this the wrong way." She looked at him curiously. "Maybe you should try looking for not the good memories, but the bad. If that doesn't work, try and conjure up a negative emotion and see if that leads you anywhere."

"A negative emotion?" Before she could ask him anything else he stood and went to the door. "Ron what do you mean by that?"

"Just trust me, Arria. Try it, and you will see the truth." Aleron shut the door behind him, leaving Arria alone again

She sat confused at that very short conversation. _A negative emotion? Why that? _Her instincts were telling her that she should follow that advice, and her instincts had always served her well in the past. She turned her mind back to the day that Merlinne as attacked, the day she thought they might all die and tried to remember what she felt at that moment. Fear, determination, anger…she could just about grab hold of it such was the vividness of it. But past that point…it was, empty. No empty wasn't the right word, it was almost as though it was hidden, locked away. She focused harder, and was just about able to grasp onto something when another knock came at the door. Arria opened her eyes but unlike before, she kept her mind on her current task. "Yes?" Her heart lifted when Tomerre entered and closed the door behind him before he sat next to her.

"You okay? You seemed to be concentrating pretty hard right then," he asked stroking her hair.

Arria smiled as she looked at him. She scanned his face, remembering all the little features that made him who he was. Like all Nileesans, he had some elven blood in him but was one of the very few whose face showed it. You could only see if when you looked at him closely, but it was very much there. His eyes were that little bit sharper, his skin that little bit deeper and, if you really looked hard, you could see the smallest point to his ears. It was these little things which made him stand out to her. "I'm fine, just trying a little tip for my memory that Ron gave me."

"Aleron? When did he tell you that?"

"Just a few minutes ago, why?"

"Arri, Aleron left the city a couple of hours ago." Arria pulled back in surprise and Tomerre looked at her worried. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I guess I just…imagined it," she said, but her gut instinct told her otherwise. Something really was wrong here. She concentrated back on her memory, now realising it was imperative for her to break through that wall keeping her memories back but didn't get far before he guided her attention back to him. He smiled before he kissed her gently, building it slowly into something much more passionate. Arria responded in kind, and as their encounter became more heated so did her feelings of unease and, surprisingly, fear. Rather than squashing down on those feelings she clung onto them, using them to try and jog her memory. When his hand moved to her bare shoulders she gasped in shock as a memory came back, the true result of the Battle of Merlinne.

* * *

_Arria launched herself from Tomerre's shield and spun as she landed, bringing down several soldiers from Nevarra as he cast out his protective aura to deflect incoming spells. Once the barrage subsided the pair cut down the mages before being forced to take cover once more as archers began raining down on them. A screech from above drew their attention and the pair watched as a lone figure leapt from a griffon, his limbs hardening to iron as he cut down the soldiers. As they left their hiding place to another meteor shot overhead and obliterated a section of the city. "I can't keep doing that trick forever!" shouted Aleron as he met them._

"_We're completely outgunned down here," stated Tomerre. "If it was only the mages we could probably handle it but the sheer numbers from Nevarra and the Free Marches mean we're spread too thin. We need something to turn the tide in our favour."_

"_Tomerre, take Aleron and get to the top of the Summoning Tower. If we can get that thing to work and summon the dragons it could do it," commanded Garros. "Arria, stay down here with me, we need to buy those two time."_

_Arria nodded as Tomerre whistled loudly, his griffon landing from the skies nearby. Aleron leapt onto the beast's back while Tomerre wasn't fair behind him. "Merre!" He faced Arria at her shout, seeing her real fear for the first time in this battle. "Be careful."_

_Tomerre nodded and turned away momentarily, prepared to mount his griffon before he paused. Wondering what could be bothering him, Arria was about to call to him again but he soon spun back and marched towards her. Before she could ask he what he was doing he pulled her in for a desperate kiss. She gasped briefly before throwing herself into it, letting free all of her repressed emotions. When they pulled apart he smiled unguarded, one of the few times she had ever seen him do so. "A promise," he said looking deep into her eyes. "I'm coming back, so you better be here waiting for me."_

_Arria smiled back and nodded, not trusting her voice at that moment. As he joined Aleron and they flew off to the Tower she hoped they could save their people._

_It was the last time she saw either of them._

* * *

With that memory now free, the rest soon followed. Of recovering with the gypsies, her difficult journey across Thedas to eventually reach Ferelden, becoming Howe's captive and the atrocities he submitted her to, being rescued by Duncan and joining the Grey Wardens.

The Grey Wardens. Alistair. She was in the Circle Tower, in the thrall of a Sloth Demon.

This wasn't real.

She shouted out and shoved the illusion of Tomerre away before she stood and screamed at the top of her voice. "I've had enough of your games, demon! Your hold on me is broken, let me go!"

He stood and made to approach her. "Arria-"

"You've lost, fiend. I'm free, and I swear you will die for what you have done."

Realising there was no point in continuing the charade, the vision of Tomerre melted away and shifted into a Rage demon. Arria quickly cut it down, and upon its death her surroundings changed. She was no longer in the palace of Merlinne, but upon a plain in the Fade. Her appearance also changed back to her true form, thin and fragile and without child. With her emotions finally unchained Arria collapsed to her knees and wept: wept for the life which had been stolen away from her, for the friends who had fallen while she survived. For the life she had dreamed of which had not been given the chance to begin. Her hand found its way to her flat stomach and she despaired at the emptiness she felt there. Though the child she carried within her had also been an illusion, it had been the one thing she had desperately wanted to keep. Ever since she had been a girl she had dreamed of having a child by a man she loved. The demon had played upon those wants and dreams, fashioning a world to keep her ensnared. It had taken advantage of her want to forget the events of the Fall of Merlinne, of her desire to bury the feelings of grief and loss to stop her from discovering the deception. She felt violated to the core.

Realising now what was truly occurring, she knew it was likely the others were still trapped in their own version of the Fade. A pedestal appeared nearby, no doubt brought about from the breaking of her illusion and she saw Alistair within it. Her heart felt bruised and raw, but he had helped her heal once before, and he could help her again, for real this time: no more holding back. Trusting in the item presented before her she dipped her hand into the liquid, feeling an intense rush as she was absorbed into it.

* * *

Arria shook her head sharply in an attempt to regain her bearings as she took in the scene. She was inside a spacious house, or more specifically the kitchen. There were children's sketches of various animals and people, as well as some more imaginable scenes. As she wandered over to them, hoping to take a closer look she heard laughter outside: a laugh she would recognise anywhere. Running out the open back door she saw Alistair swinging a young girl around playfully as other children ran around playing a game of tag. The little girl giggled as Alistair soon brought her in for a tickle, eventually reducing her to a mass of squeals. He heart ached as she saw his face: he had never looked happier. Remembering the look in the eyes of the Templar she had killed to free from the Desire demon back in the Tower, she knew now she had made the right choice then. Living inside an illusion was no life at all.

She walked towards him but reach him before he spotted her. "Hey! There you are, I was just wishing you were here!" he shouted before he grabbed her hand, dragging her over to another woman was sitting nearby. "This is Goldanna, my sister. Goldanna, this is the friend I told you about," he continued, gesturing between the two women.

Arria's eyes widened in shock. _Sister? Alistair never told me he had a sister. _Knowing there was probably more to this tale and that was the reason he had not found a way of telling her in reality, she turned him to face her completely. "Alistair, are you okay?"

"I'm great, I've never been better! This is what I've always wanted, and now I have it! Please say you'll stay with us."

She gripped his arms and shook him slightly. "Alistair, think where were we before this?"

"I, er…I don't remember? Why does that matter?"

"Who am I? What is my name?"

"You're my friend, that's all that matters."

Her heart clenched tightly as she realised the demon had suppressed all his memories of her, no doubt since they would trigger him to see through the illusion just as she did. Arria cupped his cheeks and looked deep into his eyes, using their way to see right into each other's hearts. His amber ones were clouded slightly, giving away the hold the demon had on him. "Do you remember where we met?" He turned thoughtful for a couple seconds before shaking his head, making to say something else but she got there before him. "Do you remember why we met? Who we are? We're Grey Wardens."

"Grey Wardens…" she could see flickers of his true self starting to work through. The demon was playing upon his urge to forget the events which led to the slaughter of the rest of the Wardens, but since Alistair had not run away from the emotions as she had, it meant he was breaking the control quicker. "Ostagar, that's where we met."

"Yes, where I became a Warden. We were standing against the darkspawn, but we were betrayed by someone we thought we could trust. The king was died because of him, _your brother _died because of him, as did Duncan. We're the only ones left to defeat the Blight." Arria let some of her tears loose, not having the want to hold them back anymore. "Alistair please, I can't do this without you…"

It was as if a light went off in his head as the events at Ostagar came flooding back. Their survival in the Tower of Ishal, their duel in the Korcari Wilds where he had seen just how broken she was and their journey to raise an army to fight the darkspawn. The Battle of Redcliffe and their struggle to save the Arl's family. They had come to the Circle Tower, hoping to find a way to save everyone. At last the fog cleared and he caressed her cheek. "Arria."

She let loose a relieved laugh and hugged him tightly. "Yes, it's me." He gripped back just as fiercely, happy to know that she was safe. The female Warden pulled back before long and looked at him again. "Come on, we need to get out of here. The others are still in danger."

He nodded in reply but a shout of rage from nearby drew their attention. The illusion of Goldanna morphed into a shriek and the children vanished. With the Wardens united it was no match for them and it was soon defeated, the surroundings reverting to their true form and Alistair could see without doubt they were in the Fade. "I can't believe I fell for that."

"It was something you wanted and the demon played upon those feelings. There's nothing to feel guilty about."

Alistair thought on this for a moment. "How did you see through it? I was clueless."

"I just had this…overriding sense of wrongness. My instincts were telling me something was off."

"Your instincts are a lot better than mine then. How did you break free on your own?"

Arria hesitated before replying. "I remembered what it was I had lost. I'm not hiding from my memories or my emotions anymore, Alistair; it's no way to live." He nodded and a pedestal soon appeared next to them, showing Leliana. "We need to hurry, there's no telling how long we have been here."

* * *

The two Wardens found themselves within a Chantry, but it was deserted save for the Revered Mother and a figure they recognised as Leliana. Both Alistair and Arria walked over to them, drawing the Revered Mother's attention away from Leliana. "The Sister is not to interrupted during her prayers, I must ask that the two of you leave."

"Leliana?" asked Arria as she crouched next to the Sister. Once again she saw her eyes were glazed over, but it was nowhere near as strong a hold as Alistair's was. "Leliana do you remember how you got here?"

"Arria?" She was pleased that Leliana recognised her. "No, I don't. Please, don't take me away from here. I need to be here…"

The female Warden could see what it was that the demon was using to hold Leliana here. "Leli, don't worry. We won't let Marjolaine near you, the Maker isn't the only thing protecting you now."

A light sparked in Leliana's eyes and Arria knew she had succeeded. The Bard shook her head and the vision of the Revered Mother dissolved into another Rage demon, but Alistair finished it before it had the chance to fully manifest, having known what was about to happen. The two women rose back to their feet and hugged as the vision of the Chantry disappeared. "Are you okay?" asked Alistair.

"I am fine, do not worry. I think you for helping me see through that illusion," answered Leliana as she went to hug Alistair too, the male Warden awkwardly patting her on the back in response.

"We were lucky that the demon's hold on you was frail. How long do you think you have been here, Leliana?"

"I think roughly half a day has passed here."

"That's about what had passed in my dream too. Alistair?"

"Same with me. So can we assume that's how much time has passed in the real world too?"

"I think that is a safe bet." Another pedestal materialised just behind Alistair. "Let's find Wynne and end this."

* * *

"Oh Maker have mercy," gasped Leliana as they appeared within Wynne's dream. Both Alistair and Arria felt like agreeing as they found themselves within the Circle Tower once more, but in the centre of the room they could see Wynne kneeling, clinging to the body of Petra while tears tracks marred her face. Rather than leaving her in a situation where she would have the want to stay and live a happy life, it seemed as if the older woman had given up.

Arria left the other two behind her as she came to stand before the mage. "I failed them…I failed them all…" she muttered repeatedly, seemingly consumed in her cloud of grief. Arria knew that feeling well.

"Wynne, we can still save the Circle," encouraged Arria.

"Can't you see their bodies scattered around me, leave me to my grief," Wynne spat, clearly not interested in what the younger woman was saying.

"This isn't real Wynne, we're all trapped in the Fade."

The older woman glared at Arria fiercely and hissed venomously at her, "What right do you have to tell me what is right or wrong? You who clearly has no morals whatsoever from what I have seen. You are a slut and a murderer."

Now that hurt, even though it wasn't true. She could see Alistair looked slightly horrified at what Wynne said but was also confused at where it could have come from. Leliana too was confused. Arria sighed and pressed on, hoping that Wynne's clear distaste towards her would not hinder her efforts to break her free. "Try and think of what we were doing before you came here, Wynne. Please."

Wynne scoffed and looked at her derisively. "I do not know what you hope to accomplish with this but I will do as you ask." She took on a thoughtful look, but it soon became apparent that she could not find the memories she desired. "It's all fuzzy…"

"We were in the Circle Tower, trying to save the mages after Uldred's rebellion. As we climbed higher we discovered Blood magic at work and not long after then-"

"We fell into the hands of a Sloth demon, I remember now. So, this is the Fade at work is it?"

"Yes, and we need to break free before the Circle truly is lost. Please Wynne, come with us." Arria shifted to a crouched position and held out a hand for the older woman, but before she could grasp it the body of Petra spoke.

"Don't leave us Wynne, stay with us."

Arria leapt back to her feet and retreated back to Leliana and Alistair as Wynne shoved the illusion away and stood tall. "Be gone foul thing, you have no dominion left here," she declared as she cast a spell of ice, immobilising the creature before Alistair smashed it.

The final dream now broken the scene changed once again but they now found themselves face to face with the Sloth demon. "You've all been very naughty," whispered the creature, it's voice chilling everyone to their bones. "If you go back quietly, I will make sure your dreams are filled with your wants and desires."

"That trick has already failed you once, we won't fall for it again," replied Alistair, drawing his shield and sword once more in preparation for battle.

"We will not be your playthings anymore," said Leliana, nocking an arrow in her bow and raising it.

"Your hold on us is no more, demon, and we will not submit," announced Wynne as she readied her staff.

Arria raised a single blade and pointed it at the demon. "You violated our minds with your foul tricks and you played upon our deepest emotions. For this, and for all you have done against the people of our world, you will pay with your life."

The demon roared and struck out at her, but she spun away and allowed Leliana to fire upon it. It screeched in pain when the arrow struck its eye and Wynne let loose a petrifying blast to turn its legs to stone, pinning it in place. Both women backed off just before it released a flame blast aimed at the two Wardens. Alistair and Arria took cover beneath his shield as it exploded just above them. They saw the demon attempt a transformation but with its legs petrified it couldn't complete and it was stuck in its original form. The fiend released a blast of spirit energy at the pair and seeing what was coming Arria shoved Alistair out of the way, becoming trapped in the field and finding herself helpless. When she screamed in pain as the waves of spirit energy began to take a toll on her body Alistair charged at the demon, deflecting another flame blast with his shield when it fired again. Leliana fired an arrow into the demon's hand to stop it casting again as Wynne casting a freezing spell, bringing the demon to a complete halt. Alistair roared and swung out with his shield, shattering the demon and freeing Arria. She collapsed to the floor in a breathless heap as the fiend's death cry rang out through the air.

Alistair helped Arria to her feet and hugged her tightly, relieved that she was not too badly hurt. The female Warden clung onto him, weakened from the attack and not trusting her own legs to hold her weight at that time. "You did it! You defeated him, I wasn't sure you could." cheered a voice from nearby. Everyone turned to the voice and saw an apprentice appear and join them.

"Who…who are you?" asked Leliana, suspicious of their new arrival.

Wynne gasped. "Niall? What happened to you?"

"I took the Litany, hoping to combat Uldred; but I fell prey to the Sloth demon instead. Uldred must be stopped. When you return, take the Litany from my…body."

"Wait, Niall you can't mean…" whispered Arria.

"I have been here too long: the demon has fed off my body, and I cannot now return."

"No, there must be something we can do for you. You shouldn't suffer for having tried to save lives."

Niall smiled sadly. "I attempted too much with not enough power, and now I have paid the price. I was not powerful enough to resist the demon, and despite seeing through my illusion, I could not defeat him. Now I am destined to wander the Fade for eternity."

"Is there truly nothing we can do?" Arria turned to Wynne, hoping the older woman had a solution, but she shook her head sadly. The Warden clenched a first at her side before composing herself. "You will not be forgotten, Niall. I hope you can find peace here."

"I thank you, Warden. Please, save the Circle."

"Your sacrifice will not be in vain, I promise."

The foursome bid farewell to Niall with heavy hearts, sad that nothing could be done for the young man whose only fault was trying to help. They cast their minds outwards, attempting to break free of the Fade now that the demon could no longer contain them. Arria most of all left with a much heavier heart than before: her grief and rage at what she had survived now unchained and free. She knew that now everything would change, and it would only be a matter of time before the true impact caught up with her. This place had forced her to face what happened in Nileesa, but her suffering at Howe's hands was still buried deep.

As the haze of sleep began to take hold as the means to send them home she looked at Alistair, realising that she might have to face what happened a lot sooner than she ever had planned. The demon had given her a taste of a life where she was loved, and it was her hope that maybe, just maybe, she could reclaim that love and the child she had felt. When her eyes finally closed and she drifted back to reality she shook those feelings away, focusing instead on the task that lay ahead.

They had the Circle to save. Connor and Isolde's lives depended on it.

* * *

PHEW! What a marathon chapter. Please let me know what you think, I know there's a lot in this chapter but brace yourself, there is even more to come. This plot twist arc isn't even halfway yet!

Negative Angel


	14. By Blood Divided

My thanks goes out to **Melysande, Monique Seiei, Lady Mimzy, Musicalrain, Eve Hawke **and **YunikuRebikit **for all your lovely reviews for my last chapter. It isn't such a marathon in words here, but that doesn't mean any less happens.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

And so we reach the conclusion of the Circle Tower, and you all know what that means. Brace yourselves!

This fight scene with Uldred has been inspired from **To Glory **by **Two Steps From Hell**, a piece of music I highly recommend!

* * *

**Chapter 13: By Blood Divided**

Alistair groaned loudly as he came to. It took him a few seconds to regain his senses but when he did, he realised that Arria was no longer in his arms. He sat up sharply and scanned the vicinity, finding her sat down next to a body. When he stood he could see Wynne and Leliana were still unconscious but no doubt they would awaken soon. As he approached he could see it was Niall's body that she was beside. She heard him but did not turn around, knowing that she was not ready for him to see into her yet. It was all too new still, all these suppressed emotions, and she didn't know quite how to deal with them yet.

Arria heard and felt Alistair sit behind her and smiled slightly as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "I wish we could have saved him," she whispered while stroking the dead man's cheek. Upon waking several minutes ago she had found him, lifeless. So far all she had managed since sitting next to him was to close his eyes: he would have appeared to be simply sleeping were it not for his ice cold skin.

"So do I," he murmured back as he pulled her hand away from Niall. Alistair didn't let go, choosing instead to link their fingers together and resting his head on her shoulder. Arria smiled and leant her head against his: this was a new level of intimacy between them but she realised she liked it, even though deep down their ever growing bond was still scaring her. Unlike before their time in the Fade, however, she wasn't going to ignore these feelings anymore. Her time there, even though it was just an illusion, had given her a taste of a life where she was loved and she wanted to see how things between the two of them developed. She wasn't making any new moves, but she was wasn't shying away from a potential change either. "Are you okay? You seem a little different."

Arria frowned. "Different?"

"I don't know what it is but something's…changed. Was it what you saw in the Fade?" She nodded against him. "What happened? You know the illusion I was trapped in but something must have not sat right with yours for you to break free."

She sighed deeply. "It…gave me what I had dreamt of for years, but my instincts kept telling me something wasn't right. Rather than distracting me from my lack of memories, like it did with you, it threw it straight in my face, coming up with a big scenario to explain it as well. And eventually I listened to my instincts instead of focusing of what the demon was giving me, until I finally remembered the last time I saw my best friend."

Alistair hummed in thought for a little while, almost fearing what he was about to ask, but curiosity eventually got the better of him. "What was it, that the demon gave you?"

Arria couldn't help but stroke her stomach, a move which wasn't missed by Alistair. "I was with child and about to be married. I've never had a complete family, Alistair. To be honest, the only true family I had left hated me in the end, and ever since I was about nine years old I've wanted to know that connection."

Alistair's heart clenched painfully as he realised that one part of Arria's dream could now never come true, since he had yet to tell her the consequences of her becoming a Grey Warden. "What do you mean the only true family you had hated you?"

"I had a younger sister, Rena, but she hated that I was part of the army. One day, she just…left. She stopped talking to me, only sniped at me if I ever approached her, and blanked me completely from my life. And now she's gone…along with the only person who really did love me."

Alistair's heart sank. "You never said before that you had someone back home."

Arria chuckled bitterly. "Not quite. I had someone who loved me as a sibling, but I've never felt that kind of love before. The demon…it gave me a sense of having that bond with someone and I want to feel it for real, but I don't know if I'm brave enough yet. Some of my wounds…may not allow me to ever have it." She sat back and looked at him. "Speaking of sisters…"

Alistair looked away from her. "Yeah, about Goldanna. See, I found out a while ago that my mother had another child before me: my half-sister. But…I've never had the chance to meet her before. I don't know if that image the demon conjured up is even what my sister looks like. I've always wanted to meet her though I've never had the chance."

"Do you know where she is?"

"In Denerim. Do you think…we might be able to see her, if we get a moment?"

Arria thought about this. "No doubt we will need to pay a visit to Denerim anyway. Actually, we might head there after we see the Dalish, if that is okay with you?" Alistair nodded in response a gentle smile on his face. When she smiled back to him he felt a sudden urge to kiss her, but she spoke again before he could act upon it. "Hang on…I just thought of something."

"Uh-huh?" He did not like that mischievous smile on her face at all.

"Since you were raised in the Chantry does that mean you've never…?"

"Never what…had a good pair of shoes?"

"You know what I mean," she purred. Yep, he didn't like this one little bit.

"I'm not sure I do. Have I never…seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in winter?"

Arria pouted playfully. "Now you're making fun of me."

Finally, Alistair caught onto her game and smirked back. "Make fun of you, dear lady? Perish the thought. Well, tell me…" she swore his voice lowered an octave as his whisper rumbled in her ear, "have you ever _licked_ a _lamppost_ in winter?"

He deliberately dragged out the words licked and lamppost in an attempt to embarrass her, but she started this game and damn well wasn't going to lose at it. Arria released her hand from his just before she elbowed him lightly. "That isn't what I mean and you know it." Alistair laughed in response but soon she was laughing lightly with him before settling back against him. This time however he encircled both arms around her waist and she laid her hands on top of his.

"Okay, okay; I just couldn't resist. Well, in the Chantry there wasn't much opportunity to…dabble, in a manner of speaking."

"You're a virgin," she chimed, as if she had just gained some priceless information.

"So what Miss 'never been in a relationship'? It's not as if you aren't in the exact same boat." At Arria's stiffening he wondered if he had hit a sore spot. "Arria?" It was now he thought of something Wynne had said before. "What Wynne said, back in the Fade, she just made that up because she was upset, right?" He could feel Arria trembling in his arms and he wondered just how big a wound had been unintentionally opened up.

"I…I can't tell you, not now…But I promise you, when I can, I will."

Realising that was the best he could hope for at this stage he nodded. A groan behind signalled them to both Leliana and Wynne's awakenings. The female Warden went to help Leliana while her male counterpart helped guide Wynne back to her feet. Both women took a while to regain their bearings. "Are we back?" asked Leliana.

"See for yourself," said Arria while gesturing at the, now dead, Sloth demon behind them. Wynne left the trio to kneel beside Niall as Leliana bowed her head and said a prayer for the fallen man, wishing him a speedy journey to the Maker. Arria had already spoken the Blessing of Rebirth, hoping that the man might be reborn into a better world someday, while the others were asleep. She could see that some of the others, namely Leliana and Wynne, might not be so willing to accept the differences in her beliefs and had taken the opportunity while it was presented to her.

Wynne in particular was giving her more than one headache. The older woman seemed to have maintained her ill judgement, despite having made a completely wrong assumption based on the healing she had made of Arria back in Ostagar. While she thought it would have been obvious her injuries were the result of repeated rape, that clearly wasn't the case. Maybe it was because she had long ago stopped fighting the daily abuse, letting it happen instead? She had been convinced that since she had never conceived a child during her months of captivity there must have been significant injuries, though it was entirely possible that she had carried and lost a child several times over from the beatings the guards had given her. Though Howe may have been her main abuser, he was relatively kind in what he had always done. The rest of them…hadn't been the same. It hadn't been unknown for many of them to beat her with their fists, kick her or sometimes use other objects to make her feel as much pain as possible. They'd always wanted to make her scream, and every time she had tried and failed to give them that satisfaction. A healer would then come by several hours later before Howe wanted his next dose, saying that he wanted her 'unblemished'. That or it could have been sheer blind luck, but good luck seemed to have forsaken her this past year.

Well, save for her rescue, but even that had come at a high price.

Wynne stood from her position next to Niall and pulled a scroll from his body. The Litany. She re-joined the other three and they left to enter the next rooms. They were more than a little surprised when they came upon a brood of dragonlings and a drake which had taken residence in a small library but they were dispatched soon enough. It was when they entered the last chamber before ascending to the top of the tower that they discovered the first live, non-Blood mage through their whole ascent. A Templar was caught within a force-field and was crouched while holding his head, rocking back in forth in a desperate attempt to keep his own mind. Arria felt for the man as she saw the corpses of his companions scattered around him, clearly having lost their battle with the magic which was now attempting to consume him. She knelt in front of the barrier while attempting to catch his gaze. "Go away! I know you're not real!" he shouted with the faintest hint of fear in his voice.

Arria bent lower as she tried to get him to look at her. "This is no illusion: we are as real as you are," she told him, hoping his mind was not yet broken.

"This is just another trick, but you won't break me! Now be gone, phantom!" he cried as he stood. Arria rose back to her feet with him and locked her eyes with his, seeing the turmoil within. As the pair continued their stare she could see the madness clearing slightly. "Wait, you are still here? Does this mean-"

"It is no trick upon your mind. We are here, to stop Uldred and save the Circle."

The Templar shook his head furiously. "No, you can't. Uldred, he's taken them, all of them. Even the First Enchanter. There's no way of knowing how many of them have turned, you must kill them. Kill all of them."

Both Wynne and Leliana gasped behind as Alistair began speaking. "His hatred for mages is so strong…the deaths of his friends are still so fresh in his mind…"

While Arria could empathise with him, there was no way she could agree with his feelings. "I will not sacrifice an innocent. There are mages who are still true, and until it is proven to me that every single mage in this tower has turned, I will never condone a massacre," declared Arria while keeping a level stare at the Templar trapped within. Because she was concentrating so hard on him she didn't see Wynne's look of shock but pride in Arria's decision. Her previous stance on the female Warden softened slightly, realising that she had a good heart despite possessing flaws.

He growled and stepped back. "You are a damned fool if you believe that. Just you see, you'll be proven wrong, but far too late for anything to be done about it."

"We'll see. Once Uldred is defeated we shall return for you."

"And how do you expect to beat him? He's a Blood mage."

"We shall kill him just as we've killed all the other Blood mages and abominations which had formerly run rampant throughout the tower. Wait for us here." With that Arria turned back to her companions and managed to see their reactions for the first time.

Neither Alistair nor Leliana appeared surprised but the genuine shock on gratitude on Wynne's face gave Arria pause. "Thank you, Warden. I must admit I misjudged you on your attitude towards mages, and am thankful that you have seen sense."

"It is not mages I hate Wynne, but Blood mages. And I swear to you that I will see Uldred pay for what he has done here."

* * *

When the four of them finally entered the Harrowing Chamber their stomachs turned as they saw a mage strung up by magic and being tortured. Other mages were bound nearby and Wynne gasped in horror as she recognised the First Enchanter. Everyone held station as they watched Uldred saunter up to the mage with two abominations at his side. "Do you accept the gift which I offer?" he asked with an otherworldly quality to his voice. Arria shuddered as she could feel his Blood magic weave its way into the mage's blood, drawing him into surrender. His strength was at its end and he gave up his resistance with a pitiful nod. Leliana squealed as they watched him transform into an abomination, unable to stop the horrific sequence of events.

"So…you have come at long last," spoke Uldred as he faced the Warden's group. Alistair, Leliana and Wynne all drew their weapons while Arria kept her weapons sheathed. The Bard could feel a subtle change in the atmosphere around her and realised that the female Warden was tapping into her Song. It was still unfamiliar to her, but it's power was unmistakable.

"What have you done to the mages?" demanded Arria as she did a quick count around her. There were three mages and Irving who seemed to be left while Uldred now commanded six abominations.

"I have freed their minds and shown them the true power which they possess!" he crowed triumphantly.

"Uldred, why have you done this? Why have you betrayed the Circle?" questioned Wynne.

Uldred laughed. "Uldred? He is no more. I am something…greater, more powerful than that fool mage could ever hope to be. He opened his mind and let me inside. Now, with an army at my command, I shall step forth beyond the confines of this pitiful Tower."

"Good luck. Your army is dead, we killed them on the way up here," answered Arria.

"Oh yes, I am more than aware of that. However, I have the First Enchanter on my side, don't I Irving?"

"I'll…never turn…" spluttered the older man in a desperate attempt to hold onto his mind, but it was clear to everyone that he was on his last reserves of strength.

"Tsk tsk, Irving. I thought you were one of us?"

"Never…you vile creature…"

"Ah well, tis a shame really." Uldred turned away from Irving and focused his gaze upon Arria in a way which completely unnerved her. "I may not have him, but I suppose you would make a fine substitute…" He walked towards her and began to circle her slowly but Arria held firm, not letting him see her fear. Alistair was barely holding himself back from charging at the man but stayed still, realising the danger he might force him into attacking Arria was too great. "I can feel the Fade radiate out of you…" he purred into her ear, but still loud enough for the others to hear. "Your connection to that place is _strong. _Will you not consider joining me? With a force like you, nothing could stop us."

She could feel it: that tingling within her blood as his magic tried to take a hold of her and sway her thinking. A wave of nausea passed through her as a natural defence mechanism to the control and she could see the confusion on Uldred's face as his magic began to lose the battle. "Surprised? Your little tricks won't work on me. I'm resistant, and now, I'm going to end you." The mage retreated as a wave of energy radiated out from her and Leliana gasped as she felt the full force slam into her. This was Arria's real power: only someone else trained in the Song could truly feel it. What they had seen before was only snippets and now they were about to see just what she could do.

Arria could feel her muscles tighten and her focus sharpen in a way she hadn't felt since before Merlinne fell. For the first time in over a year she had released her full Song and it was a welcome reminder of better times. She hadn't tried it before because of how weak she had been but now she could not afford to hold back. When Uldred had got close to her she had felt just what it was he had become, and the last time she had faced such a creature it had nearly claimed her life. She couldn't last long in this fight in this heightened state, but she hoped with the help of her companions it wouldn't matter.

Uldred roared and shifted from his human form into that of a Pride demon. Arria finally drew her blades and Alistair came to stand beside her as the battle began to unfold. Uldred began chanting a spell to transform the mages while Alistair and Arria engaged the abominations. In preparation for this Leliana had begun chanting the words of the Litany, attempting to stop the control while Wynne covered the Wardens. Alistair swung out with his shield and knocked an abomination off its feet; killing it with a single well aimed thrust. Arria propelled herself over the shoulder of an assailant as it reached for her and sliced the back of its neck before landing, just managing to spin back in time and guard as two more reached for her. A clawed hand raked through her hair as she just managed to dodge and welcome assistance then arrived from Alistair as he decapitated one while Arria dropped to her knee and drove both her blades into the stomach of the other. Several arrows dashed above as Leliana stopped the last two abominations from attempting to flank the pair, breaking the chant. A whizz of a petrifying spell shot over their heads and pinned Uldred in place before he could charge, but his first task was now complete.

Alistair pushed Arria out of the way a lightning blast hurtled toward them and just managed to duck out of the way. One of the mages with Irving was now under Uldred's control while he had transformed the other two into more abominations. The female Warden hurled a blade at one of the new creations and it struck true: embedding itself in the creature's head. Now reduced to one dagger she was forced to dodge a few swipes from another nearby before rolling away as a flame blast roared towards her. Alistair charged towards the mage and killed him with a single swipe of his blade, but not before the mage managed to release one last fire spell. This time though, it had aimed for the two defenceless members of their party.

"Wynne!" shouted Arria as she watched helpless to aid the mage and Leliana, but she was relieved when a shield was erected around them by Wynne's staff. It deflected most of the damage from her but Leliana was not so fortunate. The Bard took half the impact of the blast since she was on the edge of the shield. Not enough to kill, but enough to leave her with serious injuries. Wynne dropped the barrier and began healing her. It was no small task and would leave them out of the action for some time. Arria growled and slid beneath a wild swing from the immobilised Uldred to retrieve her second dagger. Before she could jump back to feet completely Uldred brought down a fist and she handsprung away from the strike: her heightened reflexes and strength giving her the time to escape without injury. Uldred roared in displeasure at having missed and cast out another Blood spell to distract her. Arria felt the spell slam into her with such force it nearly knocked her off her feet but she stood firm. The thundering headache held her attention as she attempted to break the hold and she dove away as an abomination closed in. She was slower, but not slow enough to be caught off guard. With a shout of determination she broke the connection and smiled nastily at the demon. It screeched in fury at being thwarted again, but realised it now had easy prey. When it laughed mockingly at her she glared in confusion and chanced a glance back to the First Enchanter, fearing he would become the demon's next prey but he was unharmed.

A scream of agony from nearby ripped through her heart and she snapped her head around to Alistair. The male Warden was clutching his head and shouted in denial as the magic began to take hold. Arria's heart clenched as she glanced at Leliana and Wynne: the Bard was still down and badly injured despite all the healing she had received. Wynne looked torn as she saw Alistair swiftly losing the battle with Uldred: the demon far too powerful to give him any chance of resisting. Arria locked eyes with him and could see the strain within. "Arria," he just managed to whisper before his eyes glazed over, the spell having claimed him. He returned to his feet and stood before her, prepared to fight.

"No…" breathed Arria as she realised why Uldred had laughed. While she could fight back, with Leliana downed it had given him the chance to take control of Alistair and tip the scales back into his favour. Now it was five against one. She looked at Wynne meaningfully. "Keep going," she called, encouraging the mage to heal Leliana. Internally she hoped she wasn't making a mistake. In her heightened form she could stall for time but should her strength fail her it would leave her completely at Uldred's mercy: there was no way she could defend from the demon and Alistair.

The male Warden charged at her and Arria bent backwards to avoid his shield while deflecting his sword away with her daggers. She dropped to her hands and swung out with both her legs, taking his out from under him. Alistair crashed to his back and smacked his head off the floor, dazing him. With the window of opportunity Arria ran to intercept an abomination who had charged for Wynne. She flipped and kicked back off its side, catching its attention before she ran to the wall, away from anything else. With a flip to gain momentum she kicked off the wall and hurtled towards the creature: her vast speed too great for it to mount any defence before being decapitated. Arria rolled back to her feet just as Alistair began to stand again. Not leaving him to opportunity to spot her and strike she sprinted and dropped into a sliding tackle, once again taking his legs out from under him. He landed heavily on his left arm and was slightly winded.

The last two abominations ran for her and Arria ducked as Uldred managed to break one leg free from the stone and step close enough to take a swing at her. She ran towards the two abominations and with her heightened reflexes managed to see their attacks in time to dodge. One aimed high while the other went low, leaving her the option of diving between their arms. A quick glance at Wynne told her that Leliana was nearly healed, and it could not have come sooner. Once Leliana was back on her feet they could break the spell on Alistair and take down Uldred once and for all. Arria spun to dodge one of the abominations and kicked back off a nearby pillar: raising her high enough to plant both her daggers in its neck. She flipped over it using her stationary daggers and charged at the last fiend, ducking as it swung out and slashed at its legs. It collapsed to its knees and she spun into a kick, breaking its neck and ending it. However, she had left herself vulnerable.

Arria did not see the danger quite in time and couldn't get far enough away from Alistair's swing. His sword sliced through her back and Arria screeched in pain. She fell to the floor and rolled away from him as Uldred laughed behind her. With one hand holding her side she threw one of her daggers at the demon, it landing in its shoulder. Uldred roared in pain and his control on Alistair wavered slightly. Arria looked backwards and saw Leliana returning to her feet, healed at last. "Leli, hurry!" she shouted, just managing to raise her final dagger and deflect a killing strike from Alistair. Her last strength began to ebb away as their blades remained locked and she looked straight at him. The Litany's words began to take effect and soon his eyes cleared, the control finally broken.

Alistair swiftly dropped his sword and looked at the damage, guilt written all over his face. The wound wasn't deep, maybe an inch at most, but it would be extremely painful. It stretched from one side of her back to the other and was bleeding heavily. "Arria I'm-"

"Don't," she wheezed, wincing at how much even breathing hurt at the moment. "We need to take down Uldred, Wynne's spell isn't going to last much longer."

"But-"

"Wynne can heal me after, I don't want to tax her by getting healed now and maybe needing more later. I've fought with worse before." Alistair didn't look convinced but a roar from behind them reminded them of the Pride demon about to become mobile again and he helped Arria back to her feet. She was more than a little shaky and her Song was beginning to fade quickly with her injury. Knowing she had, at most, one final strike within her she raised her single blade while Alistair readied himself. Leliana was prepared to fire while Wynne waited to see Uldred's next move before firing. The demon screeched in anger at the Warden's party having been reunited and yanked at its stone prison, managing to finally free its leg.

Alistair charged at Uldred but was quickly swatted away, the male Warden bouncing off a pillar as he collapsed to the floor. Arria ducked and rolled away as the demon aimed at her but couldn't keep a quick enough pace. His claws tore through her side and she screamed in agony, just managing to take cover behind a pillar. Leliana fired her arrows and struck Uldred's eye as Wynne cast a freezing spell. It didn't immobilise him, but the combined assault gave him pause and Leliana's shot had blinded him in one eye. Alistair leapt back to his feet and slashed at the demon's leg, leaving it to crumble to its knee while dodging a wild swing. Arria surveyed the area and realised this was her last move, and it had to be a good one. Her dagger was still embedded in Uldred's shoulder and it seemed the demon either couldn't reach it, or didn't want to pull it out. An idea manifested itself but if she was going to do it, it was now or never. The female Warden caught Alistair's eye and looked meaningfully at the blade: he got the hint and made himself a welcome distraction. Leliana and Wynne kept him safe, and Uldred back, as Arria shoved the pain away mercilessly and ran along the wall, using the very last of her strength to catapult off it and launch herself straight at Uldred. Despite her speed the demon saw her coming and smacked her straight in the back, but not before she could grab her blade and rip it along the back of its neck. Alistair could only watch as Arria crashed against a wall at high speed: her back hit the stonework but her legs smashed through a window and she tumbled painfully off the base as she crumpled to the floor unmoving. The demon collapsed and howled in agony, unable to defend itself with several nerves now severed. The male Warden raked his blade along the other side of its neck and split it open completely, killing the demon once and for all. The carcass dropped to the ground limply but he didn't pay attention to that and raced to Arria's side, Wynne and Leliana not far behind him.

Alistair dropped to his knees next to Arria and his stomach flipped as he saw just how much damage there was. That last strike meant that several shards of glass had impaled themselves in her legs while two large pieces were embedded in her hip from where she had fallen. The amount of blood around her frightened him and when he placed a hand over her nose he couldn't feel any breath against it. His heart felt like it had stopped when he realised that Arria wasn't breathing. Wynne knelt next to him and the soft glow of her healing magic enveloped the fallen woman. Leliana hugged Alistair from behind and could feel the tension throughout his body. It seemed like an age before Wynne's magic began showing physically. Once the life-threatening injuries were taken care of she removed the shards of the window still remaining in her body and finished her revival of the female Warden. Her breathing began once more and Alistair slumped in relief. That had been far too close.

Wynne left to tend to Irving and Leliana followed her, leaving Alistair to watch over the still sleeping Arria. He picked her up gently and cradled her, sending a heartfelt thank you to the Maker that she had survived. The close shave had sent his heart racing, but her own strong and steady heartbeat had calmed his down. It was only a few minutes later that she started stirring. She looked around a little before she turned upwards and met his unsure gaze. "Alistair? What happened?"

He spluttered a laugh and held her tightly. She hugged back and could feel his trembles, but them noticed she was healed. Arria pulled back to look at him and he held her cheek taking her in. "I thought I'd lost you…" he whispered before kissing her forehead. She knew he needed this outpouring of emotion and closed her eyes, absorbing all the emotions he was putting into that single action. As he pulled back their eyes met, and had Leliana not arrived at that very moment things might have gone further.

"The First Enchanter is alive, though weak. Wynne had healed him of his injuries but she thinks the best place for him to rest would be at the bottom of the tower," she said, noting how tightly Alistair held onto Arria.

"Not only that, but we need to let Greagoir know that the abominations and Uldred are gone. We need to make sure that we get down before the Rite of Annulment arrives."

With a great deal of help from Alistair she managed to struggle back to her feet, though after the large amount of healing she could not walk on her own. He wrapped an arm round her waist as she swung an arm around his shoulders. Leliana and Wynne began helping Irving down the stairs with the two Wardens not far behind. "What about that Templar we left behind?" asked Alistair.

"He should be free by now, though I hope his mind has remained intact. At least then he would be another survivor of this horrific ordeal."

"Do you think he really wants to survive?"

Arria thought for a second before continuing. "Maybe not, but survive he has done, and wishing to join others isn't going to help him now."

"You're speaking from experience, aren't you?" When their eyes met he knew he was right. "I won't ask any more for now, I know better than to push."

"Thank you." And Arria really was thankful. She hoped the day where she could reward his patience was near, for her secrets were pretty much the last thing keeping them apart.

* * *

"Maker's breath, Irving! Are you all right?" asked Greagoir as the Warden's party re-emerged from the tower. He helped Leliana and Wynne to guide Irving to a seat while Alistair kept Arria on her feet across from them. The Templar, whose name they had found out was Cullen, stood next to Greagoir, keeping a suspicious eye on Irving. Cullen had been very subdued since they had picked him up on the way down, but the way he kept glaring at Irving had made Arria very nervous.

"I'm fine, Greagoir, thank to these Grey Wardens. They killed Uldred," responded Irving while gesturing at Alistair and Arria.

Greagoir turned to the Wardens and bowed slightly before them. "I will admit, when I let you pass through those gates I thought there was no chance either of your success, or your return. You have my humblest apologies."

"There is no need, Knight-Commander," replied Alistair as Arria nodded in support.

"Alistair, I think I can stand now," said Arria quietly.

He turned to face her. "You sure?"

"Yeah, but I would appreciate it if you were nearby to catch me if I'm wrong." He laughed briefly as he gently let her find her own balance again. She received a raised eyebrow when she nearly stumbled after taking a step but soon she found her feet again, though it was a little shaky. The pair came to stand next to Greagoir.

"What of the other mages?" asked the Knight-Commander.

"Most of them were killed, but around a dozen remain thanks to Wynne." The older woman inclined her head in gratitude at the praise from the female Warden. "With your permission, Knight-Commander, I would take several of them with me, temporarily of course, to Redcliffe. Only they can hope to save all the innocent lives there."

"You will need my help, my dear," added Irving. "I am the only mage left with sufficient knowledge to help you in your predicament." The Wardens had told Irving of the events in Redcliffe, and the First Enchanter was more than willing to try and help.

"But, you can't do that!" shouted Cullen, making his first contribution to the discussion. All eyes turned to him. "There could be demons within them for all we know!"

"What? Don't be ridiculous," chided Irving.

"Of course you might say that, you might be a Blood mage! There's no way of knowing how many of those left have turned!" he persisted, drawing a critical eye from many around him. Arria was beginning to wonder whether they should have left him in the custody of the Templars, not knowing the stability of his mind.

"I am the Knight-Commander here, not you," chastised Greagoir.

"And what is your decision?" asked Alistair.

"If Irving says the tower is secure, then I believe him. Wardens, you have my permission to take Irving and a contingent of mages to Redcliffe, though once your task is completed I would ask you to escort them back here."

"Of course, and thank you, Knight-Commander," replied Arria, appreciative of the man's help. She turned to Alistair with a smile, hopeful that things might be about to finally go their way when all hell broke loose.

"No! I won't let this happen again!" declared Cullen as he drew his sword and slashed at Irving's throat.

"_NO!" _screeched Wynne. Alistair and Arria attempted to restrain him but Cullen threw the weakened female Warden back and she clattered against a pillar. Alistair punched the man hard and knocked him unconscious while Wynne furiously tried to save Irving. All eyes turned to the mage as her healing magic began, but it was no more than a few seconds later when she turned tearful eyes to the rest of them. "The damage is too great…He's dead."

Arria's heart hit the floor and Alistair let loose a shout of fury. They had come so close…so close to saving the Circle. She crumpled to the floor and wept openly as Leliana sat next to her, hugging her. Alistair punched a pillar nearby before collapsing to his own knees, furious at himself for letting this happen. He turned towards his crying companion and shared her pain, for they both knew what this meant.

They had failed, and now one of either Connor or Isolde was condemned to death.

* * *

As always, please let me know your thoughts! I hope I managed to catch lots of you off guard with this twist but that I didn't put you off.

Next time, the return to Redcliffe and the agonising choice.

Negative Angel


	15. Consequences

Well, seems I got a few of you with my twist there, and now we get to see the repercussions. As always, my love goes out to my reviewers of the last chapter: **Melysande, Musicalrain, artilyon-rand, Eve Hawke **and my Guest reviewer who never left a name.

Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.

And so, the return to Redcliffe…and the mishaps along the way ;)

* * *

**Chapter 14: Consequences**

"The Templars do so formally pledge our help to you, when the Blight comes upon us," spoke Greagoir while bowing to Alistair. He felt more than a little awkward doing this, but with Arria gone it left him with all of the responsibility for the Grey Warden treaties.

"Thank you, Knight-Commander, and if you would allow it, I would request you bring any remaining mages with you when the time comes. I know the events here have further deepened suspicions, on both sides, but we must all stand together when the time comes," replied Alistair.

Greagoir sighed. "Yes, while we may have had to deal with the Blood mages' rebellion, I fear the deepest wound of all will be Cullen's cold-blooded murder of Irving."

"Where is he now?"

"In the cells, awaiting judgement; though how we can decide upon a sentence for a man who has clearly lost all sense of self and is left only with fear I cannot say. Though we may have argued time and again Irving was a good man. I am deeply sorry that his actions have affected your group so, and that you are now faced with a dreadful decision back in Redcliffe. It seems your companion has taken this turn of events far worse than you."

Alistair turned sad eyes to the door. "Yeah…" Mere minutes after Irving's death Arria had ran from the tower, where to was anyone's guess and Alistair suspected even she didn't know. She had given everything to saving the mages, almost dying in the process and to have had their victory snatched away from them by someone they had saved…It turned his stomach, so Maker knew what it was doing to her. When this was all said and done, he would have to find her.

Wynne and Leliana then joined the two men from the tower. "How are things, Wynne?"

"The mages are all distraught, and understandably so. They are also looking upon all the Templars with greater suspicion than before, many of them wondering if Cullen is the only one with murderous intentions," she replied shortly, clearly still angry over how things had gone.

"As much as I hate to admit it, they maybe have a right to look upon us that way. While I don't think for a second any of my men would go on a killing spree, I never would have thought Cullen a man to break like that, so I suppose my opinion doesn't count for much at the moment. What about Irving?"

"His body is ready," answered Leliana. She had been assisting the other members of the Chantry in preparing him for a funeral.

"Good, he deserves a hero's send off for all he accomplished in his time here."

Alistair nodded and looked to Leliana. "Come on, we had best start heading back. As much as I want to avoid heading back to Redcliffe we don't know how long the others can hold out, and two nights is already pushing it." Leliana nodded. "Wynne, Knight-Commander, I wish you luck in rebuilding the Circle and no doubt we shall meet again."

"Wait." Alistair turned back to face Wynne. "I would like to join you on your quest."

Alistair's eyes widened. "What? Don't they need you here, Wynne?"

"Indeed they may, however, the Circle has already fallen, and I firmly believe I can be of more assistance to you out there than in here."

"Wynne, I'm not so sure this is the best course of action. I will need your help here to resolve tensions between the mages and the Templars," added Greagoir, his reservations clear.

Wynne smiled. "I believe you are more than capable of handling that yourself, Knight-Commander. Besides, Petra is of the same mind as I regarding these events: this is all the fault of the Blood mages, and turning on each other now would only serve to help them achieve victory here. If through all this we can still look each other in the eye and realise nothing has changed between us, then we have won, not they."

Greagoir's face turned thoughtful. "You make a valid point. Very well, Wynne, you can leave the tower if the Wardens accept you."

Leliana turned to the male Warden. "Alistair?"

Alistair would freely admit to anyone that he had always let Arria take the lead because he was petrified of making a mistake. Then again, Arria had already confessed that same fear to him, yet she still embraced that responsibility and so far her choices had all been correct. Now he realised just what a weight she had been carrying alone. Would Arria consent to Wynne joining them? Clearly there were some tensions between the two women, but even so, when Arria's life hung by a thread after the battle with Uldred the older woman had saved her. Surely that meant they could put aside their differences for the journey ahead? Not only that, but having a healer would be a welcome relief. "We need all the help we can get. If you truly wish to join us Wynne, then we could be grateful for your help."

"In that case, I wish you luck on your journey, and may the Maker watch over you." Greagoir shook Alistair's hand just before the trio set off. The trip across the lake had been silent and it was only now that Alistair realised how dark it was: they wouldn't even be able to make a start on their return journey until tomorrow. He growled as it dawned on him it meant perhaps a third night before they could make it back to Redcliffe, and that extra night might make all the difference to whether they would even find a village upon their return.

Upon reaching the shore at the other side Leliana and Wynne chose to enter the inn and get some sleep while Alistair went off in search of Arria. She wasn't known for looking after herself when in bad frame of mind and he was more than a little worried. Her healing had left her already weak and if she attempted to sort herself out like she did back at Flemeth's hut, he really we concerned she would hurt herself.

A voice singing caught him off guard, but he would be the first to admit it was beautiful. Though there were no words being sung, the notes alone had him entranced. His eyes widened as he recognised a word, a word that Arria had taught him in the tongue of her own people and he walked towards the voice. He found her on the shores of the lake about a hundred feet away but as he got closer he noticed a glyph begin to form at her feet. Alistair stopped from her about ten feet away and chose to watch. _So this must be her Songstress abilities…There's still so much about her I don't know, but Maker knows I'm willing to spend the rest of my life trying to find out._

The volume of her song increased dramatically and Arria soon cast out her hand and pointed it at a series of nearby plants. Alistair's eyes widened as he saw a series of symbols appear on her arm and on the plants, soon realising they were exactly the same. She was hard at concentration and before long the plants began to wither away, some dying while some just about hung on until her last note, at which they all drooped to their deaths. He couldn't quite believe what he had just seen, but before he could ask her about it he noticed her legs giving way and ran forward to catch her. "Arria?" he asked, but she was asleep, exhaustion having taken a hold of her. The glyph beneath her soon faded away as did the markings on her arms, but it left Alistair with even more questions.

Where did she learn all of this stuff and why had he never heard of any of it before? Why was it that Arria was so evasive when it came to her past? She had confided in Jowan that she knew what it was like to be feared and treated with revulsion because of her birth but he couldn't possibly think why. She wasn't an elf or a mage, so it wasn't that and she was one of the kindest souls he had ever met…so, why? _Maybe that's why she won't tell me…because she's scared I will turn on her. Oh Arria, if only you knew the truth. _Alistair sat back and held her close to him as she slept, watching the stars overhead.

Rod had been right, he did feel more than friendship for her, much more. It was just a question of how to show it without frightening her and losing everything they had built so far.

* * *

As Arria stirred she noticed that Alistair was holding her and they had been asleep on the edge of Lake Calenhad. The last thing she remembered was using her Songstress talents, trying to bring them back up to speed in an effort to use them in the future. Her strength had disappeared alarmingly fast afterwards, but she didn't remember hitting the ground, nor did it feel like it. Arria surmised that Alistair must have found her before she finished her song and caught her as she fell. Her eyes turned towards his sleeping face and she smiled at how peaceful he looked. One arm was wrapped around her while the other had been resting on her hair, as if he had fallen asleep stroking it. She took hold of the one against her head and placed it on his chest, unable to stop herself from stroking it lightly.

She didn't know how the man could be so patient and gentle with her but it made her heart swell with gratitude and caring. Her feelings towards him grew a little more and she realised maybe there could be something there in the future: the smile on her face faltered slightly as she thought of telling him about her suffering at Howe's hands. She was still afraid of him looking at her differently, but now she didn't want him to carry that burden too. To know what happened would break his heart and it was bad enough that one of them lived with the knowledge of those eight months, let alone both.

Feeling slightly bolder she placed a feather light kiss on his hand and nuzzled it briefly, appreciating the feel of his skin on hers. She smiled gently as she looked to him again and stroked his cheek delicately. "Thank you," she whispered, "for protecting me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Her light brush against his face disturbed him sleep and Arria pulled her hand back, watching as he slowly came back to consciousness. His eyes slowly opened and he raised his head to look at her fully. "Arria?"

"Hello, sleepyhead," she chimed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore, a little tired still but nothing I'm not used to. You?"

"I'm fine, but I'm not the one who passed out from exhaustion."

"Yeah, I guess I put a little too much into that song."

"What was that Arria? I worked out it was something to do with your Songstress abilities, and I've got to admit seeing those flowers die was a little disconcerting-"

"Die? Whoever said they died?"

"What?" Alistair looked behind him and sure enough, the flowers were back in prefect bloom. "What in the Maker?"

Arria giggled. "Songstresses can drain strength and vitality, but it is only temporary, lasting a few minutes at most. While it may feel and look permanent, it's not. That fight with Uldred made me realise that if I'd still been up to scratch with my abilities, I might have not got myself so badly injured."

"So, what does this mean?"

"With a bit of practice, I can maybe learn some new songs and some new tricks along with it. Hopefully this will make our life a little easier."

Alistair smiled at her and she reciprocated the gesture but it wasn't long before a light behind them caught their attention. "Sunrise." Arria's eyes darkened as she realised what that meant. Alistair sighed deeply, knowing that what came next was not going to be easy. "Arria, look at me." She did so, but the deep sadness within clenched at his heart. "I don't know what to do, and to be honest I don't think I could make a choice on this but whatever you do, I will stand by you."

She tried to look away but Alistair held her chin to keep her looking at him. "How can I choose? I am either murdering a child or condoning the use of Blood magic. What kind of choice is that?"

He pressed his forehead against hers. "Maker's breath, Arria, I wish it hadn't come to this. But we did everything we could, and now we have to face this. We can't put it off any longer else we risk losing the whole village."

Arria knew he was right. As much as she wanted to run away from this, it had to be faced, and sooner rather than later.

* * *

Their journey that day was much slower than the way there with Wynne in their company. As the sun began to set they were a little over halfway back to Redcliffe and much of the day had been spent in silence. Wynne had struck up some conversation with Leliana for a couple of hours but even that had not lifted the heavy mood. Upon explaining what they would face back in Redcliffe the older woman was saddened as she realised just how hard their group had fought to save the lives of both Isolde and Connor. She also observed both Arria and Alistair and saw just how close the two of them had become. It was clear that there was deep bond between them, but she could see the growing spark too. Alistair was anything but subtle about his feelings and though Arria was hiding hers better, they were still noticeable. She resolved to speak to both of them after what needed to be done at Redcliffe. Clearly there were still some secrets that needed to be brought to light and she didn't want the male Warden to be hurt by his female counterparts past encounters.

Despite trying to strike up a conversation with Arria on the way back Alistair could see she was still deeply torn over what to do. He never thought he would even think this but he was beginning to lean towards agreeing for Jowan to use the Blood magic. Isolde's actions had let to the tragic events at Redcliffe and this was a chance to atone for it, though he felt physically sick at the thought of agreeing to Blood magic. He didn't want to think of how heartbroken the Arl would be upon his awakening to be told one of either his wife or son was dead. The pain of losing a child was not one he could empathise with but after having come so close to losing Arria and knowing that…Now he was back at square one, not knowing which way to go.

_Maker why did this have to happen?! _he shouted in his mind. _We'd done it, we'd saved Irving. Why did Cullen have to flip out and kill him? Is there some great practical joke being played on us Wardens to make sure we can't save everyone? That we have to sacrifice people along the way? What does that mean when this ends? _His stomach dropped as he realised that the closer this journey got to its conclusion, the greater the danger would become. That battle with Uldred had been more than a close shave and it still haunted him. When the demon had managed to weave its way into his mind and take control it had nearly ripped him apart. Were Arria not as skilled as she was it might have been the end of them, or at the very least the end of her. The control had begun to slip as his more powerful emotions had taken hold; whether he might have broken it altogether in time he couldn't have guessed but had he managed to make that killing strike…A lump of bile formed in his throat and had to swallow hard to make sure he wasn't sick.

There was one other thing he had seen there, something which scared the living daylights out of him. Arria was always going to make sure that if anyone took the fall, if anyone had to die, it would be her. There was no way in hell he would let her go that easily. He would sooner die himself than lose her.

A young woman ran towards the group slightly frantic. Arria was the first to meet her and asked what was wrong, at which she replied her caravan had been attacked and they needed help. She could tell there was something up, but what it was she wasn't sure. With an agreement to be of assistance they followed her, but not before Arria told the rest of them to draw their weapons and be on guard. They nodded and followed her instructions as they rounded the next corner. When they stopped about twenty feet from the caravan they spied the young woman talking to an elf: an elf with very distinct markings. Arria recognised them and gasped: this was not something she had expected in Ferelden. "Ambush!" she shouted and the quartet swiftly split up just before a tree collapsed behind them, blocking their primary method of escape. Alistair stayed behind to shield Wynne and Leliana as they attacked from a distance at the archers above, while Arria dived between some nearby trees as she duelled with two assassins. The pair attempted to flank her but Arria dropped into the splits and as their blades sliced through the thin air in which she had previously been standing she pushed the blades onward: letting them come to rest in each other's stomachs. She sliced at their legs and they collapsed as she dealt killing strikes, not leaving them to suffer. It turned out that the young woman who had met them on the road was a mage and Arria threw her dagger, relieved when it struck her in the head and killed her.

Wynne and Leliana were making swift work of the archers but Alistair was in a small amount of trouble. The elven assassin had him on the back foot and was slowly wearing him down with his speedy attacks. Arria picked up a dagger from another assassin and aimed it to fly past the assassin's head, not taking the chance that he would deflect it straight into Alistair. He noticed the tell-tale whizz of a dagger flying past and left the male Warden to go for Arria, who had just retrieved her second dagger. The pair began a furious duel, their blades and bodies weaving around each other as one tried to gain the upper hand, but they were perfectly matched. The other three watched anxiously and could barely keep track of who was where, but because of that they could not risk intervening, lest they might strike Arria.

Eventually the pair paused as each of their two blades became locked, and the elven assassin's eyes widened in recognition. Seizing her chance, Arria kicked out and unsteadied him, giving her the chance to strike him in the back of the head with the blunt end of her dagger. She panted heavily, thankful that it was over as Alistair ran over and hugged her. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine, that wasn't nearly as tough as Uldred," she replied while sheathing her weapons.

Alistair glared at the unconscious man. "What do we do with him?"

"Tie him up and take us with him for now. This gives us an opportunity for information but we need to set up camp, night is getting too close."

* * *

The group had found a small glade another mile or so away and set up camp there for the night. Wynne and Leliana were talking over the cooking of dinner while Alistair continued to watch their prisoner, despite the man being unconscious. He had been tied to a tree by Leliana in such a way that he couldn't hope to escape without weapons but the male Warden wasn't taking any chances. Arria returned with some more rabbits to add to their meal and followed Alistair's gaze, realising what held his complete attention. "He won't be any problem now," she assured him while rubbing his arm.

Alistair sighed and gripped her hand when she offered it to him. "I know, but why the hell were a bunch of assassins targeting us anyway?"

"Well, Loghain knows we are still out here, maybe he's finally decided to hire in some outside help."

"Why is he doing this? It's just madness!"

Arria paused, not sure whether she should share her suspicions just yet but realised that now was probably just as good a time as any. "Things were a little…strained, between Cailan and Loghain in Ostagar. I think there might have been the beginnings of a madness there which has grown since."

He looked down at her. "What do you mean 'strained'?"

"You know how Anora, Cailan's wife, is Loghain's daughter?" He nodded. "Well, Cailan…was planning to leave Anora."

Alistair's eyes widened. "How do you know this?"

"Cailan confided in me at Ostagar after seeing the suspicious looks Loghain was giving me. He was fairly certain that Loghain knew he was thinking of leaving Anora but it seemed Loghain was under the impression _I _was Cailan's new choice."

"But, that's…and were you?" Alistair's heart fell at the thought Cailan might have fallen for Arria too.

"No, but given the way Loghain was treating me Cailan saw fit to explain everything to me. I'm beginning to wonder if the reason Loghain abandoned Cailan was because he found out just _who _was set to take Anora's place." At Alistair's questioning glance she continued. "Empress Celene."

Now that was a shock to him. "Cailan was going to marry Celene?"

"That was his hope."

"And thus Ferelden and Orlais would have joint rulers and given the previous Orlesian occupation…Arria I think you're right, this is the perfect reason for Loghain to leave Cailan to die."

"It doesn't help us right now, but it gives us a reason at least." A groan from the tree signalled to them that their prisoner was beginning to awaken. "Looks like our friend is coming to. I'll go talk to him."

"You sure you don't want me for company?"

"I'll be fine, besides, some of my tactics require just me to be there." At Alistair's raised eyebrow she chuckled. "Don't worry, you'll see me the whole time, I just don't want you in earshot."

"I'm not sure I want to be in hearing range based on that. Fine, I'll keep my distance but at the first sign things are getting strange, I'm not going to hesitate to run him through."

"Fair enough." She squeezed his hand one last time before she walked over to the tree, making sure that all three of her companions were far enough away that they could not hear her, though knowing Alistair was watching out for her was comforting.

The elf soon regained consciousness fully. "Ugh…what? I-Oh." He smiled flirtatiously at Arria as she crouched in front of him. "It has been a long time, how are you, my Dancer?"

"Hello, Zevran," she answered with a smirk.

"My, my, how long has it been?"

"Three years."

"Ah yes, and I see you have changed. You have gone from a child with talent to a battle hardened, and very beautiful, young woman."

"Seems you've learned a few new tricks too, at least this time it took some effort to beat you."

"Touché, my dear. I must say, when I was told to hunt for the last remaining Grey Wardens in Ferelden, I did not expect my path to bring me to you."

"Likewise, but what are the Crows doing here anyway?"

"Your Regent, Teryn Loghain, asked the Crows for assistance, citing them as the only ones with enough skills to best the Wardens. If he knew he was hunting a Nileesan woman, however, I imagine he would think differently." At the glazed look in her eyes he managed to put some of the puzzle together. "Your companions do not know of your heritage."

"No, and I think I might have managed to keep it a secret had I not met you again."

"Alas, I am saddened to have spoilt your plans, dearest. However, I must ask, what does this now mean for us?"

"You mean does this mean am I going to let you live?"

"Well, the thought certainly crossed my mind."

"Now that you've failed, which I must say you are picking up a bad habit of doing, Zevran, what does this mean in relation to your contract with Loghain?"

"That would be for the Crows and Loghain to sort out between themselves."

"And between you and me?"

Zevran turned thoughtful. "Well now, if you choose to let me live, which would be for a second time, then I suppose I could pledge my service to you."

Arria scoffed. "You'd help me?"

"And why not? Truth be told, I have wanted to meet you again since that day you humbled me and let me go. This is the perfect chance. Besides, you are a special woman and I would love to know more of your people, I thought that chance lost with their massacre."

She couldn't help but smile. Her meeting with Zevran was a fond memory and the charismatic elf had remained in her thoughts since. "I have one condition." At his curious look she continued. "You speak nothing, and I mean _nothing_, of my history until I tell the others. Not even the smallest hint. If you abide by that, then I agree to having you join us. Besides that, I know you're harmless, so it wouldn't hurt to keep you around."

"Now that was just harsh, my Dancer. Then if we are to be allied, may I at least have the pleasure of finally knowing your name? I never managed to coax it out of you last time."

She smiled brightly. "Arria."

"Well then, my Arria, let me formally pledge myself to you until either Death sees fit to take me, or you end my service by your own blade. I owe you my life twice over, and as such have no urge to leave your side until I see that debt fulfilled."

Arria laughed and went to undo the ropes binding him. At this Alistair rushed over. "Er…Arria, what are you doing?"

"Surely that is obvious, Alistair."

"Well yeah…but _why?_ I mean, this guy just tried to kill us!"

"Yes, but he's realised he was on the wrong side." Zevran stood and eyed Arria appreciatively, something which was not missed by Alistair and his annoyance shot up a couple of levels. "Besides that, if he never returns and nobody ever finds his body they might very well think he is still hunting us, right?"

"I guess so…"

"And that means that nobody else will come looking for us, at least for the immediate future. Having an assassin with us might be helpful, especially in case anything like this happens again." At his sceptical glance she sighed. "Alistair." He looked straight into her eyes and they conveyed their emotions through them as they usually did. "Trust me."

As he looked at her he could see she firmly believed this was the right thing to do. He had serious reservations about it, but she did raise some valid points. "Okay, but first wrong move, I end him."

"My, my, some serious fighting talk," interjected Zevran. "I can see why you like him, my dear." Arria chuckled and Alistair looked at them closer. Now he knew why she was keeping him around. She knew him.

He relaxed slightly at that realisation but he still wasn't sure this was the best idea. "Arria, can I talk to you for a second?" She nodded and the stopped once he knew they were out of earshot. "Are you completely sure about this?"

"Alistair, I've met him before. I know his code of honour and he won't turn against us, I'm sure. I know you aren't happy about this, but please trust me. This is one of the things I've been most sure of so far."

He sighed deeply, realising she meant it. "Okay, but I meant what I said. First wrong move and I kill him, no second chances."

"That's understandable, and thank you."

As they returned and joined Wynne and Leliana around the campfire they explained the situation. Both of them had their doubts but could also see the merits to Zevran joining them, so let it be. After dinner many of them headed straight to sleep while Zevran had the first watch with Leliana. His first use came a couple of hours before dawn when he suggested they get moving, his elven sight allowing him to guide them through the dark.

When dawn came they were that much closer to Redcliffe, and the agonising choice.

* * *

It was early afternoon when they finally made it back but instantly they could tell something was wrong. Smoke was rising from the village and it seemed their fears had come true: the attacks hadn't stopped. Carou came racing up the path to meet the group and bounced around on the path. "Carou, _pallai!" _The Mabari raced off, following his mistress' instructions to lead the way. On the way down they saw Elissa next to the windmill raining down her arrows at a group of undead while their companions battled below. Leliana raced to the Chantry to fire from a lower level while Wynne began tending to the wounded.

"Nice of you to join us!" shouted Rod as he flung back a skeleton and stomped on the head of another. "Did you take the scenic route back?"

"We had a few problems of our own," yelled back Arria as she got stuck in, Alistair and Zevran not far behind her.

"Pick up some friends along the way?"

"Something like that."

"The more the merrier, makes our life that little bit easier!"

"Could the two of you please desist, we have a battle to win," shouted Morrigan over the fighting and they did stop, choosing instead to concentrate on the carnage around them. The attack was not as large as the one several nights ago but the suddenness of it meant that only Arria's group and Ser Perth's knights could mount a defence. They were spread thin and there was a real danger there could be casualties.

A piercing cry met their ears through the fighting and Arria was the first to find its source. Up above, Elissa had been ambushed by a Revenant and had been stabbed through the stomach. "No!"she exclaimed, her gaze showing others where the damage had occurred.

When Rod finally found her, his heart hit the floor. _"Elissa!" _he screamed, frozen still at the sight as the fiend removed its blade and she stumbled backwards, off the cliff and fell into the lake below. Without a second thought he took off towards the water and Arria shouted for Leliana and Zevran to cover him, the Bard clearing any attempting to flank him with her arrows while Zevran's daggers brought down the others, allowing Rod to cast off his shield and sword as he dove in, trying desperately to save her.

Arria's furious gaze turned upwards and she glared at the Revenant. "Alistair, with me!" The male Warden nodded and they ran back up the hill, leaving those that remained to handle the skeletons as they raced to a far more powerful foe. The pair slowed as they met the fiend but were caught off guard when it used Spirit magic to lock onto Arria and pull her in through the air. She screamed in surprise and just managed to parry away the swipe made at her with its blade but it meant the momentum sent her tumbling off the end of the deck and she clung on desperately. Just managing to look up in time she saw the blade heading towards her and she threw herself to the right, almost falling but just about managing to hold on.

"Arria!" Alistair used his Templar abilities and struck out at the Revenant: it only slightly hindered it but it drew its attention away from Arria. It moved away from his vulnerable companion towards him and he braced himself for the same trick it had used on her, but even knowing it was going to use Spirit magic couldn't help him. When the fiend snapped its wrist and pulled Alistair expected to feel his whole body being manipulated just as he saw Arria's but it did something far worse, this time focusing the energy into a stream and coiling it around his neck. Alistair gasped for breath desperately as he felt it constricting and dropped his sword. He grasped at his neck, though there was nothing to take hold of and fell to his knees as he began to choke.

Arria flipped herself back up from the deck and saw Alistair helpless, gasping in horror as she realised the next pull would no doubt snap his neck. "No!" she shouted, preparing to throw a dagger but seeing that might kill Alistair rather than breaking the hold. As her mind worked frantically to try and find a solution, that was when she saw it. She could _see _the stream of magic. Now she finally understood what her teachers meant when they instructed her on the intricacies of Spirit magic back in Nileesa, and she knew how she could help him. The Revenant prepared to pull once more as Alistair was on the verge of passing out when Arria channelled Spirit magic into her blades, launching the attack just before it yanked and severing the connection. He gasped for breath and fell on his back, completely spent as he tried to regain precious oxygen while the Revenant snarled at Arria and launching the same lasso of energy at her. With her newly acquired skills she saw it coming and ducked the first time before channelling her own energy into her daggers. The second time it swung she raised her blade for the energies to coil around each other and she managed to hold it there, effectively pinning them into a deadlock. Arria could feel her strength wouldn't hold the fiend for long and let out a strangled cry as the strain began to tell on her arm. Her screech rose to new levels as she could feel the power rising until eventually the Revenant yanked backwards and snapped her arm. Her bones shattered painfully and her scream brought Alistair's attention back to the fight.

He struggled back to his feet, but without his shield as it swung again, Arria having no choice but to raise her intact arm to intercept. Her left was far weaker than her right and this time she couldn't even last a fraction of the time before she felt a lancing pain going up into her shoulder. She saw Alistair swing and snapped the connection herself before his strike landed, decapitating the Revenant. The fiend squealed its death before its body faded into the wind.

Arria fell to her knee, hissing as pain shot up her now useless arm as Alistair knelt in front of her. Even he could see the damage was bad: almost all of the bones in her arm were broken and some of them protruded through her skin, but through the vast amount of blood he couldn't see the full extent of her injuries. She gasped as she could see the forms of a burn around his neck where the magic had taken hold and raised her hand to rest just below it. "Yeah…it hurts a bit," he stated breathlessly. "Not as much as yours I imagine."

"Wynne can hopefully sort it out." Thoughts of the healer cast her mind back to the horrific turn of events the Revenant had caused. "Elissa! Alistair we need to get down there!" He nodded and helped her to her feet as the went back down the hill. Between them it took a while, but by then the battle was over, the last of the skeletons slain. As the stumbled to the jetty they found a soaked Rod holding Elissa close, the young woman's eyes closed and a huge wound in her abdomen. The young knight looked on the verge of tears as Wynne continued to heal her. Several minutes passed and still the wound did not close. "No…don't tell me-"

Wynne suddenly began to sag, her energy failing her and Leliana stepped in, giving the older woman some of her energy. She nodded appreciatively and turned her mind's eye back to the healing process. As Arria watched she realised now why it was taking so long: Wynne was having to overcome the remainders of the Spirit magic used against Elissa as well as reviving her. It took a few more minutes before the wound finally close and she stopped, her task completed. Rod turned hopeful and tear-filled eyes to Wynne. "She will live, rest easy." Rod spluttered briefly and cradled Elissa close, unnerved by the near miss. Alistair and Arria shared a look, knowing the feeling all too well.

Leliana gasped in horror at the state of the Wardens. "What happened to you?"

"The Revenant didn't go down very easily, but none of our injuries are life-threatening." Arria then faced Morrigan. "What happened here?"

"Nothing, up until about fifteen minutes ago. The demon had been silent until then, no doubt choosing this last assault upon sensing your imminent return. Tell me, were you successful?"

Arria's eyes swiftly went to the floor and Alistair stepped in. "We'll explain everything back at the castle."

"Surely you both require healing?"

"Health poultices will do for now. Mine is just a burn but Arria is the one who needs actual healing to be back to normal."

"I can cope like this for now."

Alistair turned to her. "Arria, your arm is useless and it could get infected."

She shook her head. "I won't overtax Wynne, and we need to move to the castle as soon as possible."

"I am well, Warden." At Arria's concerned glance she smiled gently. "I am tired, yes, but I can rest after I have healed the both of you. Surely you do not need an old woman's help in this matter and I would like to keep a closer eye on this young woman, to make sure she is recovering fully."

Wynne healed both Alistair and Arria; none of their injuries were extreme so did not overtax her, but she was worn out afterwards. She went with Rod and he took Elissa to the Chantry while they waited for her to awaken. After they left Arria turned hard eyes to the castle, knowing what needed to be done. "This ends now."

* * *

"You have returned!" Teagan shouted happily, but at the Wardens' despairing looks he realised things had not gone to plan. "What has happened?"

Alistair stammered a couple of times before he managed to answer. "The Circle has fallen. The First Enchanter, and everyone who could have helped us, are dead." Isolde gasped in horror as Jowan went pale. "We now have no other options."

"So…what is to be done?" Alistair's gaze fell to Arria, who was looking anywhere but at the people before her. "Arria?"

At Teagan's gentle question she turned to face him, her turmoil clear in her eyes. The choice and consequences of it were killing her inside. Tears began to well in her eyes as she finally made her choice. "I will never condone the use of Blood magic," she declared. Isolde's eyes widened as she realised what Arria intended to do. "Alistair, come with me."

She faced away from the Arlessa as she ran towards the female Warden, but was intercepted by Teagan. "No! Wardens I beg of you, please don't kill my boy! He's innocent in this!" She looked straight at Arria. "You are a woman, surely you can understand how I feel! Tell me you would not do anything for your child!"

Alistair winced internally as Arria closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them again the tears streamed down her face, showing all who stood there just how agonising this was for her. "I am so sorry, Isolde. Truly, I am." The Arlessa collapsed in a crying heap while Teagan held her as Arria left the hall, Alistair right behind her. Yes, she could make a good guess as what Isolde felt, and it made her stomach turn at the thought of what she was about to do but Blood magic always had a price, and almost always it was higher than what you bargained for. No matter the intentions behind it, she could _never _willingly agree to using it on another human being, even one she despised. No-one deserved that fate, even if they volunteered as Isolde had. She may hate the Arlessa for what she had done to Alistair as a child, but she wouldn't kill her, especially as there was no guarantee of the success of the person who went into the Fade as a result. This was the only way to be sure of what would happen.

When they reached the second floor Arria paused, the enormity of what was about to happen hitting her. "I'm going to be sick," she muttered, shaking violently in an attempt to keep her stomach contents down.

Alistair wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close, the choice killing him as much as it did her. "I'd be worried if you weren't feeling that way. Remember what I said? I'd stand by whichever way you chose, though knowing that we're about to…"

She gulped. "Come on, putting this off isn't going to make this any easier." The pair were about to climb the second set of stairs when they heard a scared whimper from a nearby closet. Sharing a puzzled look they opened the door, backing off when the girl within screamed.

"Please, don't hurt me!" she cried.

"Calm down, were not here to hurt you," soothed Arria, stroking the girl's arm. "What are you doing here?"

"My…my name's Valena, I'm the Arlessa's maid."

Both Alistair and Arria's eyes widened as the name registered. "Valena, as in Owen's daughter?" At the girl's nod she continued. "Why have you not left by now?"

"I…I wasn't sure whether the castle was safe. It's been too quiet, I couldn't hear any friendly voices."

"The castle is safe, you can now run back down to the village to your father."

"Oh thank you, thank you!" The girl scrambled to her feet and ran away, down the stairs and to safety.

"Well, at least we've kept our promise to Owen," surmised Alistair.

"I can't believe she was still here. Then again, I doubt anyone has been brave enough to come up the stairs." Her momentary joy swiftly disappeared as her eyes turned to the next set ofstairs. "Let's go."

They both reached the top of the stairs and saw Eamon's bedroom. Arria was about to look in when Connor's voice reached them. "I wouldn't go in there, unless you want the demon to come back."

Both Alistair and Arria turned around to him. Connor emerged from his own bedroom with a sad and resigned look on his face. The Wardens looked at each other briefly. "Connor? Are you okay?" asked Alistair, crouching down before the boy.

"I'm fine, did you find a way to save my father?"

"We tried, but we couldn't, not without killing the demon inside you."

Connor looked down sadly. "Hey, Connor." The young boy faced Arria as she knelt in front of him. "Do you have some cards?" He nodded. "Let's play a game or two then, just the three of us."

Alistair raised an eyebrow at her as Connor nodded happily, going to fetch his deck. "Arria, what are you-"

"I don't want him to know what I'm about to do, Alistair. That would just be cruel."

Alistair agreed with her, realising that she was attempting to relax Connor before the end. The three of them played a couple of rounds before Connor said he wanted to try fighting them with wooden swords. The pair parried several blows until Alistair hammed up a 'wound' he sustained, sitting out while Arria danced around Connor, baiting the boy into attacking her. The boy laughed as he chased the young woman and she laughed in chorus with him, distracting them briefly from what needed to be done. After about ten minutes of the chase Arria deflected one of his blows and spun him into a light hug from behind and Connor tried half-heartedly to escape. The young boy was totally relaxed in the Wardens' company, his mind far away from the terrible events which had surrounded his family for this past while.

Arria knew the time had come. She hugged him tightly before she placed a hand on each side of his head and whispered to him. "I'm sorry, Connor. I am so, so sorry." Before he had the chance to ask what she meant she tweaked his neck in just the right way, killing him painlessly.

A screech resounded across the whole of Redcliffe as the demon's connection to the world was lost, signalling its defeat. While people around the village began to celebrate Arria felt the beginnings of her heart breaking. She had just killed a child, a defenceless child whose only crime was wanting to help his father.

Not wanting to stay in the castle a minute longer she ran, straight out the door and past Alistair, unable to face the world. It just wasn't fair.

* * *

It was three hours later when Alistair left the castle in search of her. He had held off until nightfall to go search for her, hoping that she would come back on her own but that hadn't been the case. Everyone had gone their separate ways after he had returned with the confirmation that Connor was dead. Isolde had screamed a string of curses at him until Teagan had guided her away, encouraging the grieving mother to go see her son, rather than taking out her pain on the guilt-ridden Warden. Teagan had then sat Alistair down to talk, helping him see through the fact that whatever they had done, death was unavoidable. He was sure that Eamon would have agreed with their choice of actions, though Alistair wasn't so sure. It was doubtful at best that he and Isolde could ever have another child, so that left Eamon without an heir. They couldn't find out for sure until Eamon awakened, if they could find a way to save him. Teagan had assured him that such things would be discussed at a later time, once the recent events had a chance to be accepted by all.

He knew Arria would be trying to avoid people, so the village wasn't an option: he looked to the outskirts, where she was less likely to be disturbed. "If you are looking for our Dancer, she is in a tree just over the crest of the next hill." Alistair spun and found Zevran leaning against a nearby tree.

Alistair glared at the elf, a little unnerved that he hadn't heard him before. "And why do you know that?"

Zevran shrugged. "She is in no state to be defending herself at the moment, so I was keeping an eye on her."

"Right, and you are here instead of with her because…?"

"She has a right to privacy, Warden."

"Oh." Alistair blushed slightly as he realised that Zevran really had just been watching her back rather than trying to kill her. "Well, I'll go see her then." The elf bowed theatrically and headed back to the lights of the village, not realising the death glare he was being subjected to by Alistair. He didn't like nor trust the elf one bit, but it was clear that he had a deep sense of duty to Arria, regardless of anything else. At least now Alistair knew the assassin would protect her if he couldn't.

Thoughts of the elf and Arria stirred a jealousy within him. There was no mistaking that Zevran had been taking her in earlier, eyeing her appreciatively. It was unsurprising since Arria was a beautiful woman, but dammit he thought of her as _his. _His blood boiled at the thought of the cocky elf trying something with her, and his envy spiked at the fact Zevran knew her past. He knew there was a damn good reason Arria hadn't shared but it still infuriated him to no end that there was something they shared that he couldn't have, at least not for now. He would have to confess to Arria soon, lest he chance losing her to the elf, and there was no way he was going to let that happen.

A rumble from above brought him out of his thoughts. "Great, what is it with Redcliffe and rain?" he muttered as he came across the top of the hill, but a sniffle from nearby caused him to pause. A quick scan led him to finding Arria up a tree, just as Zevran had said, sobbing her heart out. He wanted nothing more than to go and comfort her but realised that maybe this is just what she needed. Even around him she wasn't willing to let everything go, and so he sat down at the base of the tree, making sure she couldn't see him as he watched. Watched and waited. The rain came down a few minutes later, soaking them both through but neither moved from their positions. As the minutes ticked by Alistair slowly found his own heart crying out with hers, his guilt over what they had done and what they could have prevented gnawing away at him while he wished she could see what Teagan had tried to make him see: they had no choice.

Arria wept continually for the next half an hour, unable to see past what she had just done. She had killed a child after her failings to save the Circle. It was yet another life she hadn't saved, but worse, this time _she _was the one who had ended his life. His blood may not have been on her hands physically, but it sure felt like it. She wept as she realised she had stolen away from Isolde what she so far had only dreamed about: having a child. That made her feel even worse about what she had done.

As time passed she became uncomfortable in the tree, and knew she should probably get down soon. When she reached the ground she spun in surprise as she felt someone behind her.

Alistair's eyes met her own and that was when he saw it. In her despair, she looked so alone and frightened that he couldn't help himself. He pulled her towards him and into a passionate kiss. Arria gasped in surprise but soon her repressed feelings took hold and she threw her arms around his neck, pouring all her pain, love and guilt into that kiss. When they broke apart for air Arria swiftly pulled him back in, not willing to let him go and Alistair went willingly. They embraced each other in the rain and released all their emotions: their suffering, grief, anger and fear were mixed in with what had grown between them. It left no doubt between them of what they shared, and what they could be.

The two of them finally parted, breathless and free of much more emotional weight. Rain continued to pour around them as they opened their eyes, seeing each other in a new way. Alistair kept his arms locked around her waist as she held his face, unwilling to let each other part any further. They stayed like that for a few moments before they gravitated back to each other, kissing each other sensually. It was different to their first and had a much deeper meaning, a confirmation of their deeper emotions. When they pulled back they smiled at each other, but concealing their nerves. This was going to change everything.

Neither of the Wardens noticed the pair of eyes which watched them in the distance, but he soon flopped down in guard duty, happy at last that his mistress had the beginning of her greatest want: to be protected and loved. For the first time since her previous life ended, she had something she could cherish.

Only time would tell whether they could remain together, or if Fate saw it fit to tear them apart.

* * *

Okay, did not intend for that to become a marathon but I'll go with it. Please leave me your thoughts and I will make sure the next chapter is uploaded soon.

Negative Angel


	16. United We Stand

Wow, what a great reaction to my last chapter. I wasn't sure how you would all take it but I'm thrilled with the response. My love goes out, as always, to my fantastic reviewers: **Melysande, Musicalrain, Hoffan, LadyMimzy, Eve Hawke, Monique Seiei **and **artilyon-rand.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

I think it's about time I let you find out more of the mystery behind Arria. Brace yourselves!

* * *

**Chapter 15: United We Stand**

The only sounds which could be heard throughout the village were tears of grief and the creaking of the funeral boats. After the celebrations the previous night the gravity of what had befallen them began to hit the survivors, and now that they had the chance, they began the painful process of saving farewell. Family, friends, neighbours…everyone had suffered some form of loss with the events which had consumed Redcliffe. A few women were sobbing their hearts out as they said goodbye to their husbands, brothers and sons while some managed to hold back the worst of their emotions.

The Warden's group had helped with the preparation of the boats and the placing of the bodies. Now they stood among the villagers, paying their final respects to those who had fought valiantly to save their home. The only ones missing were Sten, Rod and Elissa: the qunari choosing not to join while Rod and Elissa had still not emerged from the Chantry following the events of the previous day. Arria had not yet had the chance to visit them but would ask Leliana about it later, the Bard having checked up on them this morning. Morrigan had surprised everyone by showing up at the funeral itself though Arria suspected it was out of curiosity more than anything. The witch had never set foot outside the Wilds for such an extended amount of time, so much of this would be new to her. Zevran was keeping himself out of the way while Leliana was helping to light the boats with her arrows. Wynne stood just behind the two Wardens while Carou was whimpering next to Arria, his sadness able to be seen by all there.

Alistair took Arria's hand as they watched the numbers of boats dwindle and the number of fires increase. After their unspoken confession of feelings last night the pair had returned to the village without a word, which left an almost awkward silence between them this morning. Alistair wanted to speak to her and clear the air but helping with the preparations earlier in the day had prohibited him from doing so. When he had first seen her that day she seemed back to how she was when they first met: almost fearful of him. He suspected the change had come about from their outpouring of emotion last night and wondered if he had been too hasty with her. Unbeknownst to him, Arria had stayed up the whole night, the true impact of what had occurred between them hitting her. She'd never felt such a reaction when kissing anyone and knew there was something much deeper there than a simple attraction, which terrified her. A relationship with him would be no small feat, and she soon realised that eventually her secret would come to light, most likely through her reacting badly to a certain situation. It wouldn't be fair to Alistair should that happen further down the line and her heart had sunk as she realised she needed to tell him the truth now, before either of them got in too deep. He needed to know that she was 'damaged goods' in a sense, and that loving her may create more problems than they could solve. It wasn't fair for him to tie himself to her if she couldn't follow through on what they began. Her mind had turned through all the ways that conversation could go until the dawn broke and Teagan had met her, asking for her help in the ceremony.

Isolde eventually emerged from behind and shot a murderous glare at Arria as she walked past, the female Warden pointedly avoiding her gaze. Alistair gripped her hand tighter, trying desperately to get her to look at him but she just couldn't do it: her guilt from the previous day still eating away at her. The Arlessa was dressed all in black and wore a black veil, just about managing to hide her tears from those around her. Teagan offered his hand to her as she approached the final boat and she took it, trembling slightly before she looked inside to see Connor. The boy appeared sleeping, a ghost of a smile still on his face from when he had died. While Isolde hated the Wardens for killing her son she was thankful that they had granted him one small mercy: to die with a smile on his face and in his heart. When the woman broke down and collapsed to her knees upon the jetty Arria's own heart broke too. Unwanted tears began to cascade down her cheeks but she didn't try to wipe them away. A gentle hand caressed her cheek and she turned to Alistair, attempting a smile of gratitude. He bent down and kissed her cheek lightly before pulling back and turning back to Eamon's family. All he could think about was how heartbroken Eamon was going to be when he awakened; there was nothing more they could have done, they had tried every avenue open to them but it had still not been enough. He could only hope the Arl would forgive them for what had happened.

Eventually Teagan pulled the grieving woman to her feet, leaving her to compose herself before he pushed the boat away. The people of Redcliffe bowed as Connor was sent on his way, Leliana looking to her friends for her signal. When Arria would not look at her Alistair nodded instead, telling the Bard to go ahead. She watched Arria for a few more seconds but when the other woman's gaze stayed glued to the deck she sighed an drew her arrow, firing a single shot into the boat. Teagan held as Isolde as she cried out in denial while Arria held back her own scream. The female Warden wanted nothing more than to shout out against the cruelty of it all and shook with the force of her internal struggle. This loss was small in the scale of what else had been stolen from her, but this theft was one of the worst. All Connor had been guilty of was loving his father and wanting to protect him, yet he was to one who had paid the price for his mother's actions. In trying to stop him from being taken away to the Circle she had lost him forever. Though she knew she could have chosen to save the boy she could not have lived with herself knowing she had used Blood magic, the very thing which had ripped her world apart, to stop the demon.

Alistair changed his position and wrapped his arms around her from behind. It was far from the first time he had done this, but after their passionate kiss last night Arria knew there was more to this than just comfort. Once the funeral was over she would tell him the truth. She owed him that much.

As the final boat vanished from sight Isolde left swiftly, not looking at either of the Wardens as she dashed back to the castle to grieve quietly. Arria too disappeared quickly before Alistair could stop her. He sighed as he watched her run back up the hill, realising her emotions were all too close to the surface. Teagan came to a stop beside him and followed the male Warden's gaze. "She still feels guilt over what has happened?" he asked quietly.

"I don't think she will ever stop feeling it," admitted Alistair, "and neither will I." Teagan prepared to say something to the younger man but Alistair held up his hand to stop him. "I know it had to be done, Teagan, but it doesn't stop me from feeling awful about the whole thing. I can only hope Eamon sees fit to forgive us when we manage to heal him."

Teagan's eyes turned from the path to face Alistair. "You could have done no more. From what your friend Leliana has told me, it nearly cost both of your lives to try and save the Circle, and I wish your efforts had been rewarded with saving both Connor and Isolde, but alas it could not be. Eamon will be devastated to know his son is dead, but he will know that you did all you could in trying to save his family." He placed a hand upon Alistair's shoulder. "We need to discuss how we are going to save my brother, but I would suggest holding that discussion tomorrow. Today we leave everyone to grieve in peace. Find your companion and comfort her: she is one half of the key which will save us all and you need your other half. Alone, neither of you can succeed. Together, you will lead us through this Blight to a future."

Alistair gulped but knew Teagan was right. They needed each other, and not just to end this Blight.

* * *

Arria stopped on the outskirts of the village, needing the space. Once she had left the crowd her head had cleared slightly but she needed company, company who would help her face her inner demons. And there was only one who could help bring that fighting instinct back out from within her.

"So, we speak at last Warden." Arria smiled and faced the qunari as he emerged from the shadows. Ever since Arria had first spared Sten's life back in Lothering they had waited for a moment to talk and let them know where they stand in relation to the other. Of all her companions, Sten was the only one who saw her for what she was, and not what she had become.

"It had been coming for some time."

"You are not what I expected."

Arria chuckled bitterly. "I am not exactly a sparkling example of the Nileesan culture: I am broken and hollow."

"That you may be, but a warrior never loses their spirit. It is still within you."

She smiled at him. "I thought women could not be warriors to the qunari?"

"You are no woman, you are Nileesan." Arria couldn't help but laugh lightly at the justification, but the relationship between the Nileesans and the Qunari had always been strange. In the final days of the war upon Thedas the Qunari were upon the verge of victory; until they met their match in the Nileesan people. The sides were equally matched and the march of the Qunari were halted. Instead of continuing the battle the Nileesans had invited the invaders back to their homeland under a banner of peace, intent on showing them their ways. To show them there was more than one belief upon the continent. Satisfied with what they had seen the Qunari retreated to Par Vollen with a new respect for the Nileesan people: and a strong ally. The two peoples had frequently visited each other in the decades since, learning the other's ways and growing as friends. Arria had met several qunari while growing up and Sten had been to Nileesa once before coming to Ferelden. It gave them a relationship unlike any other within their group.

"That I am."

"When will you tell them? Surely you cannot hope to hide it forever."

"No, I know that. I'm…I'm going to tell them tonight. It's about time I stopped running."

The qunari hummed in agreement. "The Blight, how will you end it?"

"The Archdemon must be slain."

"Is it really that simple?"

"What else shall we do? Either we kill it, or it kills us. There is no in between."

Sten stared at her hard. "Will you do it?"

Arria stared straight back. "Or I'll die trying."

He seemed satisfied with this answer and relaxed his posture. "You are not broken, you are mending: a broken soul cannot hope to defeat the Blight. Nor can a Nileesan ever truly break, your people are too strong for that."

She smirked. "Just as yours are. Thank you, Sten." The qunari bowed to her before leaving the young woman alone. Maybe Sten was right, she wasn't so broken anymore. In her heart she could feel herself beginning to heal, the pieces of her shattered soul coming back together. However, they were not coming back as before: she was something new and this journey, as well as the people she shared it with, would shape her new identity. It was time to stop running away from her past and embrace it, as well as her future.

Arria heard Alistair approach before she could see him. Her earlier confidence from her conversation with Sten swiftly fled as she turned around and saw the terrified look in his eye. "Alistair?"

The male Warden stuttered a couple of times before he answered her completely. "Arria…I need to tell you something. Something I am sure you already know, but it needs to be said in its entirety." Arria's heart skipped a beat as she realised where this was going. "Arria I've…I've come to care for you, more than I have ever cared for anyone. When we met I felt a connection with you, and after the events at Ostagar we developed a bond which I trusted implicitly. It took me a while, but I realised there was more than friendship there, much more." He stepped forward and cupped her cheeks as he often did, but this time there was a tenderness in his gaze which made her heart melt. "You mean so much to me, and when I thought I had lost you back in the tower I felt like I was dying inside. I hope…I hope I haven't gone too far and I'm sorry if what happened last night made you feel uncomfortable but I-" He cut himself off as he realised he was rambling. "I just, I needed to know...to know if you feel the same as me. Last night I thought you did but this morning-"

"This morning wasn't because of last night. Last night gave me what I have wanted for a long, long time." At his confused look she sighed deeply, knowing it was finally time. "Alistair, I care for you too, but there is something you need to know: something which will probably make you realise I'm more trouble than I'm worth. How much did Lissa tell you, about what Howe did to me?"

"Nothing, other than how long you were his prisoner for. Arria why-"

"Please, let me finish while I can." Realising that whatever she was about to tell him was huge, he did as she asked. "I wasn't just his prisoner, Alistair, I was his slave." At his blank look Arria swore internally. His nature meant that he was never going to assume the worst, and she was going to have to say it out loud. "I was…his sex slave."

Alistair's heart stopped momentarily as all the colour left his face. "No…Please tell me you aren't being serious." But he could see it: the shadows in her eyes, the abuse which had broken her spirit…it had been in front of him the whole time, but he never would have dared think she would have suffered nearly as much as she had. He fought to suppress the lump of bile which had found its way to his throat. "How?" he croaked, barely able to speak.

Arria's heart clenched as she realised he was taking this as hard as she feared. "When I first came to Ferelden I had kept a low profile, hoping to blend into your people. I'd been here roughly a month when I arrived in Amaranthine. In the city I saw some of Howe's guards ambush a girl, saying that they'd chosen her to become the Arl's new slave. The poor thing couldn't have even been 15 years old. I was still consumed with guilt over what had happened with my family and I offered to take her place, thinking I could find penance in some manual labour. It wasn't till I was first brought before Howe to…satisfy him that I realised just what they meant. From then on…I was trapped."

Alistair cursed as he realised Arria's determination to protect others above herself had backfired in the worst way possible. "You suffered like that for the whole 8 months?" She nodded pitifully. "How did you survive it?"

She looked straight at him, knowing this confession would hurt more than any other. "I'm not sure I did. I felt dead for most of it, and even when Duncan freed me I still felt that way. At the Joining, I didn't want to survive, Alistair. I wanted to die, and even at the Tower of Ishal I still felt that way. When those arrows hit me, I was more than ready to surrender myself to the Maker." Her heart clenched as she saw tears make their way into his eyes and she nuzzled his cheek, hoping he could see what she was trying to tell him. She didn't want any secrets between them anymore. Arria was more than a little relieved when his arms held her, tenderly yet firmly.

Alistair was completely lost. All this time he had spent with her, and never once had he seen any of it. He knew she was hurting, that she had been alone but to know that she had truly wanted to die… "And…do you still feel that way now?" he asked, needing to know the truth.

Arria pulled back and stroked his cheek. "No, I don't. You've given me a reason to keep fighting, to _want _to live again. I'm tired of hiding, Alistair. I care for you, I truly do, but you had to know that you would be dealing with 'damaged goods'. I don't know what I could give you, but I am more than willing to try and find out, if you would still have me."

He placed his hand over her own, realising for the first time just how soft they were. They had held hands many times before but there was a tenderness in her touch this time. How she could be so brave he did not know, but he had never been more proud of her, nor cared for her more. "Arria, I can't live without you now. How you could even think to be with me I don't know, but I am honoured and so thankful you can."

She smiled at him gently. "You have never hurt me, Alistair, and I know you never could. But can you really deal with all this? I come with a lot of baggage."

He chuckled. "And I don't? We're just as hopeless as each other."

Arria burst out laughing, not having expected that. "I guess we are."

Alistair held her gently, letting her see into him as she let him see her for the first time. He hoped he could chase the shadows away, because she deserved to be happy. Maker knew if he was the right man for the job, but he was damn well going to try. "You are so beautiful," he whispered, bringing her towards him. She let him as their lips met, sealing their pledge to each other. This was their true first kiss, and now they were together, knowing just what hurdles they had to overcome. As they parted they beamed at each other, overjoyed that their feelings were reciprocated. "Wait a minute, Lissa knows all this doesn't she?" Arria nodded. "That's why her father couldn't get you out, because to do so would earn Howe's fury should he ever discover the Couslands were behind it. When she said there were complications, I never would have thought of this."

"Yeah, Lissa recognised me in Lothering from her father's description of me."

"Don't tell me that he-"

"No. No he didn't, but he was the only one to refuse when Howe presented me that day."

That sickened Alistair. "You mean he offered you to others? Surely not often."

"Howe used to have me at least once a day, and his guards got me a couple of times a week. If he had nobles visiting I was brought forth then too. I don't remember most of them, I tried not to look but I remembered Lissa's father because he was one of the few over that whole time not to take advantage of me."

He didn't know quite what to say to that so settled for pulling her in for a hug. She smiled as she realised he was holding her slightly differently now. Or maybe it was that there wasn't the barrier of her past keeping them apart any more? More likely it was both, but she loved the feeling of being in his arms and never wanted to leave them. "Have you seen Lissa and Rod today?"

"No, I haven't. Leli went to see them earlier but I haven't had the chance to talk to her since we were helping with the funeral."

"Shall we head down then? I'm a little concerned they haven't emerged from the Chantry yet."

Arria nodded and the pair walked away with their hands linked. This was the beginning of something very new for both of them, they weren't sure where it would take them but they were determined to see it through to the end.

* * *

Arria was a little concerned when she entered the Chantry and couldn't see either Rod or Lissa about. She had asked Alistair to seek out the rest of their group to tell them they would be camping on the outskirts of town tonight; she didn't want to risk anyone eavesdropping on what she had to tell them. It was very possible after tonight her numbers would dwindle. There were four of her companions she knew would stand by her: Sten, Zevran, Alistair and Carou. Sten and Zevran already knew her to be Nileesan, so she had no worries about them, and after their becoming a couple earlier that day, she was certain Alistair would not leave her, even though some of what she said might surprise him. And Carou, well even though she hadn't Tamed her faithful Mabari he still adored her, and for that she was eternally grateful. Having animals around was always a comfort and she was glad he got on with Alistair as well as her. Telling the Mabari that the two of them were now a pair would probably be easy. The rest of her group, she was not so sure.

Rod and Lissa were both very open-minded, so she hoped they would be able to accept her. Leliana probably already knew of the Nileesan people and had never given any outward signs of distaste to her skills. It was her people's beliefs that might alarm her since her people didn't exactly side with the Chantry. Wynne and Morrigan were the two it was impossible to tell which way they would go. Morrigan was a shapeshifter, and because of this she would most likely be untrusting of Arria once she revealed her Taming abilities. Not only that but the witch had not exactly shown herself to be completely loyal to Arria, though she had never given her any indications of leaving either. Wynne already had a strained relationship with the female Warden and it was obvious that the mage judged her harshly. It was entirely possible that she might just reject her on principle.

As she turned the corner she found the other couple but was shocked as what she saw. Rod was looking miserable and held Lissa's hand as she slept. "Has she still not woken?" she asked as she sat down next to him.

"Nope. She hasn't moved a muscle. Wynne said she might still be fighting the Spirit magic within her and that is why she hasn't woken up, but I'm…I'm worried she never will." Arria placed a comforting hand on Rod's shoulder as he stroked Elissa's face. "When I saw her up there, when she fell…I've never felt anything like it. It was almost as if my heart was ripped from my chest. I can't live without her, she had to come back."

"You love her, don't you?" Rod nodded once. "She knows, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, she knows, and I know she loves me. I just can't believe we were that close to losing her forever; I never want to feel that again."

"You and me both." The pair turned to see Alistair a few feet away.

"That was fast," stated Arria as he sat behind her, pulling her into an embrace.

"I found Leli and Zevran and they said they'd pass on the message. Leli was curious but the elf seemed unsurprised, what's going on?"

"I'll elaborate tonight, Alistair. For now we need to make sure Lissa is okay."

The three of them sat for another hour, watching her closely before Alistair thought of something. "Arria, what was that you did against the Revenant yesterday? I couldn't even see its magic but you seemed to dodge it and even stop it. How did you do that?"

Arria looked over her shoulder at him. "You know my main two areas of training, Alistair. I am a Dancer and a Songstress, but I was trained briefly in another area, though I could not gain a grasp of the basics so I abandoned it. I was taught the basics of how to wield Spirit magic and until yesterday I thought the knowledge was useless till I saw the magic. Maybe all I needed was the right circumstances to learn, but it meant I could fight back with magic of my own."

Alistair's eyes widened. "You can use magic?"

"Now I can, I suppose. Though only Spirit magic, I was never taught anything else."

"So, what does that make you? Dancer, Songstress and…?"

"Spirita, that is the term we used. We don't have a word for a combination of magical arts, but we had names for those who specialised in each of one of the five schools of magic."

"I thought there were only four schools?"

"To you, yes. For us, we had to include Blood magic because of the threat from Tevinter."

He could see it was a necessary evil for her after what had happened with the Blood mages at the Circle. "What does this mean now? Can you use your abilities in combat?"

"Not yet, but with a bit of training I hopefully can. They would be a big help."

A quiet groan caught everyone's attention and they cast their eyes downwards, watching intently as Elissa at last began to stir. "Lissa?" asked Rod barely above a whisper, almost frightened to believe she was awake.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly and she looked at the three people around her. "Rod? Alistair? Arria? What happened?" Rod laughed and scooped her into a tight hug. Elissa was surprised but reciprocated, throwing a confused glance at the two Wardens.

"We nearly lost you, Lissa," informed Alistair and she nodded back to him, holding Rod tightly as she felt him begin to cry. Sensing that they might be intruding the two Wardens said they would be back later and left the Chantry, relieved to see that Elissa was awake at last. As soon as they were outside Carou bounded up to them. "Hey boy, what's up?"

Carou looked at their joined hands and then barked at Arria several times. "Is that you saying it took us long enough?" asked Arria bemused. The Mabari huffed and collapsed at their feet.

Both of them laughed and sat down on the Chantry steps. "Don't tell me the dog knew before we did?"

"It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest, the Mabari are pretty damn smart," said Arria while petting Carou. He sighed happily at the attention his mistress was giving him.

Alistair tightened his grip on her hand and she looked at him. "You're nervous," he stated, seeing it in her eyes.

Arria sighed deeply. "Yeah, I am."

"Any particular reason?"

She hesitated a few seconds before answering. "After tonight, everything will be different. There's something I need to confess to all of you, and I know it probably will not go well."

Now Alistair was nervous. He was already worn out after hearing what happened to her at Howe's hands, but he soon realised what it was. She was going to confess her past, and given how reluctant she had been to reveal it before, it would surely have far reaching consequences.

* * *

The whole group were gathered around the fire in their camp later that night as they shared dinner. Wynne and Zevran had mixed well into their group, the mage finding company in the young couple of Rod and Elissa while Zevran reminisced with Arria. While Arria was glad to be reunited with the elf it had led to tonight: Sten she had no doubt would have hidden her heritage but a second member of her group knowing had left her with doubts as to keeping it a secret. It was entirely possible that Zevran might let something slip accidentally, and rather than risk that she had decided it was better to be honest with everyone. Bodahn and Sandal were next to their wagon, keeping to themselves as the larger group talked quietly. Everyone knew they were out here rather than in the castle for a reason, leaving them intrigued, and in some cases, mildly nervous.

Eventually Arria decided it was time. "This is a long road we are going to have ahead of us," she began, drawing the attention of all those around the fire. "Some of us are here by choice," she continued, looking at Wynne and Leliana, "some were asked for," referencing Sten, "some because it was their only option," facing Zevran, Morrigan, Rod and Elissa, "and some…because we were always meant to be here." Alistair smiled back as she looked at him and Carou barked at her, eliciting a small laugh out of her. "Before we go any further, I think it's about time you all know what it is you are getting yourselves into. I don't just mean fighting the Blight. I mean knowing which side you chose, and who it is you side with. There are some of you who know me from before, but it is now you should all know me, both past and present."

Arria stood and walked to just outside their circle. "Morrigan, I could us your help." The witch raised an eyebrow but joined the female Warden. "Could you change, into something small. Let's say, a wolf?" Morrigan narrowed her eyes at Arria. "Oh come on, you haven't exactly been hiding your shapeshifter abilities though you assumed most wouldn't be paying enough attention." Several people around the fire were surprised. "It is easier to show you, rather than explain."

Unsure of her intentions but trusting the Warden to have a good reason, Morrigan bowed her head in assent and changed to a black wolf. She began snarling at Arria, telling her to get on with it and the younger woman got the message loud and clear. "_Lossana mi," _she began. Alistair's eyes widened as he realised this was the language of her people. "_Arros mas sole." _Morrigan began to twitch nervously and shook her head viciously. _"Sur allon tennulle, hol mi strenna folle." _A howl reverberated around the glade before Morrigan swiftly changed back.

She lay panting on the ground, sending a murderous glare at Arria. The female Warden stood unrelenting. "Now I know what you are," she hissed. "You're a Tamer."

Gasps echoed around her group as Alistair and Rod looked around confused. "A Tamer?" asked the knight.

"Tamer is another name for the Nileesan people," added Wynne while keeping a close eye on the female Warden. "The Nileesans were a secretive society who refused to share their knowledge with the world, existing between Antiva, the Free Marches, Nevarra and Tevinter. They were considered dangerous and were massacred a year ago. I was under the impression your kind were extinct."

"Hate to disappoint you, Wynne, but we weren't," she spat back, unsurprised at the older mage's reaction. She looked for Alistair and when she saw him she realised he hadn't a clue about the Nileesans, but seemed horrified at the thought she was nearly part of a massacre. Inwardly she was relieved as this gave her the chance to explain, but it seemed Wynne was determined to put her point across.

"Your kind refused to allow anyone else beyond your borders, you denied us access to your knowledge and your society was unstable at best."

Now that did make Arria angry. "And what right do you have to judge whether our society worked or not? You didn't live there: I'd have thought a place where mages were welcome to live among the general population would appeal to you."

"Not with the danger it entails, you left yourselves vulnerable to abominations."

"Unlike you lot, we had better control of our minds. We weren't so consumed with our own personal gains that we gave the demons the chance. It's human greed and pride which lets demons in, and it's pretty clear your mages didn't keep theirs in check. Don't vent on me for something which is a flaw of your way of life." Wynne went scarlet with rage and embarrassment but it succeeded in shutting her up.

Arria sighed to let go of her anger before continuing. "It's true, mages were free to live among the main population in Nileesa and it's true we refused to share our knowledge, knowing it could be abused by the other nations. These facts were only excuses used by our neighbours as to why we were truly wiped out." She turned to Zevran. "You're Antivan, Zev, and you would be able to fill in this side of the story better than me. After all, your people were invited to join the attack on ours, yet refused."

Zevran looked suitably ashamed as he answered her. "You were targeted because of your gift. Though your people were tiny in relation to the rest of us, it was in no doubt that your kind could destroy us should they choose to do so. Against the full force of Nileesa, we would stand no chance. The Tevinter Imperium were convinced you were planning a conquest of Thedas and demanded our help in destroying you. Afraid of entering either side of the conflict Antiva stayed on the sidelines, as did the Crows for the exact same reasons."

"They were afraid that they would choose the wrong side and would suffer the retribution of the other once the conflict was over," surmised Elissa.

Zevran nodded and looked at Arria. "For the record, we would have chosen you. We knew your people were no threat and we had great respect for you, though much of that was respect born out of fear."

Arria sighed deeply. "I wish you had, your support would probably have tipped the battle in our favour."

Alistair was still confused. "What was so dangerous about the Nileesans? How could they be as deadly as you say if they are that small a country."

"Because they are Tamers," responded Morrigan shortly.

"Right, and that means?"

"What do you think, Templar?" she snarked. Alistair was about to snap back when Arria came back in.

"Enough, both of you. What it means is we can master the creatures of the world, with but the right words."

"It was said you could create an army of dragons," added Morrigan, her initial fear now being replaced by curiosity. Flemeth had told her of the Tamers more than once, but meeting one was something she never thought would occur.

Arria chuckled. "It's true we could command the dragons, but only a Master Tamer could do so. In real terms, that meant roughly two people every fifty years or so. As the time of our demise there was no-one who could fight with a dragon, both our Masters' dragons having died years before."

"So…no army then?" asked Rod.

"No, that was not true. Army of griffons however, was true."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…I thought griffons _were _extinct?" interrupted Alistair.

She laughed. "Not in Nileesa, though we kept their survival secret to protect them."

"Why then did your people never share their knowledge?" asked Leliana.

Arria paused for a bit before answering. "It wasn't a case of we wouldn't, it is that we couldn't. The secret to our power is what we were guarding, not our knowledge. Take our Taming talents for example, it wasn't something you could teach. You were either born with the capability or you couldn't."

"And yet, all your people could do it," added Morrigan, suspecting she knew where this was going.

Arria sighed. "Yes. In Nileesa, there were no such deep rooted prejudices as there are here. Mages, elves and humans all lived together. Put it this way, which of the races has the best understanding of animals?"

"The elves," answered Zevran.

"And who can manipulate lyrium in their bodies, as well as that of others?"

"The mages," stated Wynne.

"And who are the only ones daft enough to try and tame a dragon?"

"Humans," answered Alistair.

All at once the others saw where Arria was going. "The secret to the Nileesan people was not in our knowledge, but in our blood. Inter-racial breeding was common in our early days, and now there are no distinctions between the races in my home. We are all born of the same race."

"You are all part mage, part elf and part human, aren't you?" Everyone knew Rod was right. It was the reason the Nileesans were as powerful as they were, and why they were destroyed.

"It gave us access to new skills and greater knowledge. So tell me, Wynne, how can you say our society was unstable for letting mages live among the main people, when we were _all _in fact mages? Your narrow-minded view, shared by the rest of Thedas, is what led to the destruction of my people," she spat at the older woman, more than a little satisfied when she looked away in shame.

It seemed everyone who had only just found out her heritage was suitably stunned. "Now that you all know the truth, I offer you the choice to leave. I will not think ill of you, nor will I resent you for it. Travelling with a Nileesan is not something I imagine all of you will be comfortable with."

Sten was the first to stand. "Your people were innocent, Warden, and you are now sworn to end this Blight. In honour of the alliance between our peoples, I will stand with you to see it ended."

Arria smiled and Zevran stood too. "I owe you my life twice over, that is not a debt I can simply walk away from."

She bowed her head in thanks, having known the two of them would stand with her. Her gaze turned to the young couple. "Rod, Lissa?"

The pair shared a look before Elissa answered. "So what if you are born Nileesan? My father said you were a noble and peaceful people and I haven't seen anything which would contradict that. Besides, we have a promise to see the end of Arl Howe, and I intend to be standing there with you when we slit his throat." Rod nodded with her, making it clear he agreed.

"Thank you," Arria whispered in gratitude. She then faced Leliana.

"Our pasts have no bearing upon our current actions, you know that just as well as I. My vision led me to you, and I have no doubt the Maker intended it that way. I stand with you." Arria smiled broadly for a second before hiding it and facing Morrigan.

"I am to follow you to the end, Warden. That was never in doubt." She wasn't sure that was all Morrigan had to say on the matter but it was good enough for now.

At last she came to Wynne. The mage was clearly distrustful. "I am not certain you are safe. However, you did come to the Circle's aid and I have no doubt you mean to end the Blight with all your heart. I cannot say that I will remain with you to the end, but for now, I will put my trust in you, Warden. Make sure it is not misplaced."

It was more than Arria hoped for and she bowed to the mage. Carou barked from behind her and she laughed as she realised this was him saying he would stay with her. The Mabari nudged Alistair hard and the male Warden glared at the dog. He switched his gaze from it to Arria, her eyes giving away that she needed the reassurance. "Even if I wasn't stuck to you because we are the last two Wardens in Ferelden, I'm not going anywhere."

They had all chosen to stay. Arria couldn't have been happier: while not all of them may accept her yet, it was a start.

* * *

Half an hour later she sat on a small ridge above, watching the group. No-one had, as yet, asked her any more questions but she knew they all had them. It was unsurprising that Alistair was the first; he sat next to her and she nestled into his side when he put his arm around her. "So, that's why you can used Spirit magic, because you are part mage?"

"Yeah. You aren't bothered by that, are you? I know your Templar training must be making you uneasy."

"Well yeah, of course it does, but I know that magic doesn't define a person as either good or evil. The Circle showed me that. And I know you, you are too true for that."

She pecked him on the cheek as thanks. "You have no idea how relieved I am that you can accept me. It's been agonising wondering whether you could or not, though this morning gave me hope."

He hummed in thought for a little. "Could you teach me?"

"Huh?" She sat up and looked at him fully.

"Could you teach me some of your people's skills?"

"Alistair, all the highest abilities of my people require manipulation of the Fade, and that require magical blood. You don't have that."

"Okay, so I can't learn the big stuff, but can't you just show me some of the lower level things? Surely not everything requires magical blood?"

Arria thought on this. "No, not everything does. Though the only thing I can think of off the top of my head that might be of interest to you is the Song."

"That's what you and Leliana are trained in, isn't it?"

"Yes. There are three areas of the Song, and each part gives you different abilities. There are the Bards, the Songstresses and the Dancers or Artists."

"Whoa, Artists?"

"Artists are the male version of Dancers. In my culture we had both male and female version for several arts. The Songstress abilities you obviously couldn't learn and I don't think they would be much use to you anyway. I could train you as an Artist, however. It wouldn't help much, but it might make you more agile and allow you to augment your strength slightly."

"I guess it would be worth a shot. How far could I get in that?"

"As far as I am now: only the Master skill would be impossible for you."

"What makes your Master skill need magical blood?"

"Tomorrow, I'll show you. I don't know about you but I'm feeling beat."

"It has been a very long day. Teagan wants to see us tomorrow to discuss how we are going to save Eamon."

Arria looked away. "No doubt Isolde will be there…"

"Yeah…You did the right thing, Arri, never doubt that."

She paused. "What did you just call me?"

"I-" Alistair thought on it. "Arri. I didn't even notice it. Why?"

"It's just…that's what my friends used to call me." Alistair winced but she placed her hand over his. "That doesn't mean I don't want you to. It reminds me of home, and I'm not afraid of that anymore."

"Maybe you can tell me about them sometime. You speak fondly of them."

Arria smiled. "Yeah, they used to be the most important thing in my life. I felt cheated by the Maker when he took them away from me and left me here, but he's given me something in return. He gave me you."

Alistair smiled and kissed her gently. As the two parted they turned their eyes to the sky. There was nothing standing between them now. They were finally united against the Blight, and with their companions, they could maybe just survive.

* * *

As always, please let me know what you think. There are still the new classes I have to introduce you to but I'll make sure to do that over time. Until next time!

Translations:

_Lossana mi: Listen to me_

___Arros mas sole: Heed my wishes_

_____Sur allon tennulle, hol mi strenna folle.: You are powerful, but my strength is greater_

Negative Angel


	17. Bonds Old and New

As always, special thanks to my fabulous reviewers of the last chapter: **Melysande, Eve Hawke, urthlvr **and **Musicalrain. **And it is official: this is now my most popular story on ! Thank you so much to all of you who have favourited/followed and reviewed this story.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

Start of a new mini-arc here, so not much action but it is critical for the storyline/character relationships.

* * *

**Chapter 16: Bonds Old and New**

Arria's joy was short lived as she jolted herself awake halfway through the night. She turned her gaze to her sleeping companion and found he had not woken despite her own sharp awakening. A gentle smile touched her face as she brought a hand to stroke his chest where his tunic had slipped. Alistair sighed deeply in his sleep and held onto her a little tighter, subconsciously unwilling to let her go. The change in their relationship the previous day, combined with Arria's determination to face her inner demons, meant that some rather harrowing memories were very close to the surface. She was glad Alistair hadn't been disturbed by the nightmare which had seized her because Maker knows they needed the sleep. Their journey ahead was going to be anything but easy. With a feather light kiss to his cheek she left their tent, needing some air to clear her head as she calmed down.

As she looked around the camp she was surprised to see only Zevran on guard duty: usually there were at least two of them on lookout. Rod and Lissa's tent was shut as was Leliana's and Wynne's. The older woman had decided to share with the Bard as their numbers increased, forcing more of them to share. When new arrangements had been discussed that night nobody was surprised at who was sharing: Rod with Elissa, Wynne with Leliana and Alistair with Arria. Though neither of the Wardens had confirmed the change in their relationship they weren't hiding it either, leaving it up to the rest of them to figure it out for themselves. Morrigan, Sten and Zevran had been left with their own tents. Speaking of the more mysterious members of their group…

Sten emerged from the tree line and bowed to the Nileesan woman as he marched back to his tent. Arria smiled back at him and inclined her head in reply, thankful to have someone who would treat her no differently to how she would have been back in her homeland. While having the qunari as a companion might put some of the others on edge, he was a welcome reminder of home for her. Her eyes widened as she realised something for the first time. "Sten," she called quietly, waiting patiently to see if the qunari would respond. He paused just before entering his tent, debating whether to answer her query. When he turned to face her she then approached, knowing that to have done so before then would be considered an insult: if someone did not want to speak to you, you had no right to encroach on their domain. It had been one of the first things she had learnt about the Qunari, and it had stuck with her since.

"Warden," he answered, keeping a level stare with her.

"Where is your blade?" She saw the flicker in his gaze, betraying his unease at the subject. "You do not strike me as one to cast aside your soul."

His gaze hardened. "And why would you be a good judge of that?"

"You are one of the proudest and strongest of your kind that I have met, you have no reason to turn traitor."

He relaxed slightly and paused before answering. "My battalion was ambushed by darkspawn. The rest were killed and I awoke with a farmer's family. Upon waking, I found my blade was no longer in my hand: my soul was gone."

"Surely they did not take it, else you would have it with you now?"

"Correct. They did not have my sword, it is lost to the world. And as you know, Warden, a qunari without his soul cannot return home."

"That is why you killed them, you panicked." Sten nodded once in reply. "Where was it you were ambushed?"

"Why do you concern yourself with this, Warden? Surely you should be focusing on the Blight," responded Sten with a note of disapproval in his voice.

"A warrior without their soul is no use to anyone. I am just rediscovering my own, and I know the pain of being without it. You are a good warrior, Sten, but with your blade you would be invaluable. Now, where did you lose it?"

Had it been anyone else Sten would have fought them for daring to try and empathise with his pain. But he could see it within Arria: she knew what it was for a person to lose their own soul, though she was lucky enough to be able to rediscover it. "Near Lake Calenhad."

"Then when we have the chance, we shall search for it. Thank you, Sten." The qunari bowed to her once more and she walked away, leaving him in peace. When she turned back to the camp she realised who it was that was meant to be guarding with Zevran. She smiled as she saw Carou snuggled into a black wolf and made her way over to the pair. The wolf turned wary eyes to the female Warden, watching her carefully as she down in the other side of the Mabari, petting him gently. "_Sur esna ollan?" _ she asked. A short howl was her reply. "_Mi an essara."_

Morrigan changed back to her human form and stood. "Why do you bother me Warden?"

"Why did you stay? Clearly you were alarmed when you first discovered my identity, and you said before you thought that I was dangerous."

"How would you react to having someone whisper into your mind as if to command you? I know you were not even trying that hard when you spoke to me. Dangerous you are. However, you are also intriguing. My mother had spoken of the Tamers, but said they were a race I would never have the chance to meet. It is truly fascinating to see the difference between you and the rest of us."

She smirked. "So curiosity is what has kept you here?"

"Indeed. Now that I know what you are, I am keen to learn from you. Not your skills of battle or with animals, but your culture. Your people will have grown entirely different to the rest of Thedas considering your bloodline. How did it come to be that the elves, humans and mages lived together?"

"Nileesa began as a territory within the Free Marches, much like Nevarra, so naturally the population contained humans and elves already. When a group of Tevinter mages rebelled against their order they fled, seeking refuge with my ancestors. Seeing their genuine want to live a free life in peace, they accepted them into their society; they had no Circle of Magi as other nations do, so they were allowed to live among the populace. It was a few years down the line that some bright spark asked the question of why the elves were forced to lived apart from the rest, especially when some of those mages who were a part of the general population were already of elven descent. The people realised they had a point, and thus the elves were integrated into our society. At the time, we were maybe a thousand people in number, including all the elves, humans and mages. The changes alarmed the Free Marches, so we chose to leave and become our own country. Unlike Nevarra we did not grow to vast numbers."

"No doubt because of your want to conceal your bloodline?"

"Knowing how humans in general perceive elves and mages, let alone mixed-bloods, we weren't exactly keen to accept outsiders, hence how we became known as such a secretive society. There was a major influx of elves about 150 years ago after a Dalish clan joined us, weary of their wanderings and happy to join our mixed lives. Many of these elves became trusted friends of the rulers of Nileesa, and as such the noble families had mainly elven blood in them for a time. Till our demise that was still the case in some of the older families."

"Interesting. And eventually the races intermingled so much that there is no dominant bloodline."

"Like I said before, some noble families had mainly elven blood in them, but as a general rule, the balance was pretty even. Actually, it is this balance which dictates the effectiveness of our Taming abilities."

"Oh? Is that so?"

Arria nodded. "Those who have a perfect balance between the three bloodlines: human, elven and magical are those who can eventually tame a dragon."

"So that is why you never had a large number of those who had tamed the dragons. I had simply assumed it was due to the lack of dragons. However, I can now see it is a physical limitation rather than a matter of practicality."

"Yes."

Morrigan turned thoughtful. "This is most interesting, Warden. I thank you for sharing with me. I have another question for you, if you would permit me?"

"Of course, but could I ask something in return?"

"You may."

"Would you please call me Arria? 'Warden' sounds way too formal."

Morrigan raised an eyebrow but bowed her head in assent, slightly bemused by the request. "Very well, Arria. In your time in the Circle Tower, did you per chance come across any grimoires?"

Arria thought on this. "No, we did not, though I will freely admit we didn't look too hard. We were far more conscious of returning here in time."

"So it is possible there may be such tomes within?"

"Yes, entirely possible. Why do you ask?"

"I suspect my mother's grimoire may be contained within those walls. I do not suppose we should be returning there anytime soon?"

Arria sat back as she thought about this. Sten needed to go back to Lake Calenhad anyway to retrieve his sword, so it meant they could accomplish two aims at once. However, Arria already had her next destination in her mind. That wasn't to say they couldn't split up… "Actually, I think you may have that chance in the next couple of days. I already had another stop in mind before we head east to Denerim, and our detour would probably take as long as it would for you to head to Kinloch Hold and back." Morrigan raised an eyebrow. "I will explain when everyone is awake tomorrow. They shall have the choice to accompany me or to journey to the Circle with you."

"Very well. Where is it you plan on journeying to?"

She hesitated for a while. "Somewhere I left a piece of my soul, and now that I feel worthy again, I hope to reclaim it."

* * *

As Alistair peeked out of the tent he could see Arria talking with Morrigan on the edge of their little camp, Carou sleeping next to them. Why Arria was talking to Morrigan was beyond him, neither had seemed to get on in the past. However, with the revelation of Arria's heritage earlier that night, it might be that curiosity had got the better of the witch. He looked away when he realised Arria was in no danger and saw his target sitting on a rock not too far away. Taking a deep breath to steady himself he stepped out into the cold, prepared for a potentially uncomfortable conversation.

Zevran was humming to himself on his watch when he heard Alistair approach. "Ah, good evening to you, Warden. How can I be of assistance to you?"

Alistair crossed his arms and stared hard at the elf. "You could start by telling me the truth on certain matters."

"Oh? Well this should be amusing. Let me guess, you wish to know where I met our lovely Dancer?"

"That was on my list."

"Well since our beautiful companion had chosen to reveal herself, I may speak freely. I am an Antivan Crow: a member of an elite order of assassins. Three years ago, we were contracted to make an assault upon the Kings of Nileesa. I was among those sent on this most perilous mission."

"Hang on a minute. Kings? As in, plural?"

"If you wish to understand that, you must ask our female companion. Anyway, I was sent after the youngest of these Kings, a man named Mallos if I remember right. Turns out when my company and I reached him we met some rather stubborn resistance. His protector was highly formidable and fought against the bulk of our force as the King was escorted to safety by two of his young protégés: our dear Arria being one of them. As I gave chase I confronted her. Even at the tender age of 19 she was a force, defeating me with barely any effort. If I remember right, I don't think I landed even a single hit upon her. Shamed and defeated, she had the option to kill me. Instead, she spared my life, intending me as a message for the Crows. It was certainly acknowledged."

"So that is the only time the two of you met?"

"Yes, though I will not deny I observed her from afar. I recall an event several months before the destruction of her homeland: the Champions Tournament I believe it was called. Our Dancer was a sight to behold, falling to the very man protecting the King years before. He went on to be named Nileesa's strongest warrior if I remember right, his other protégé being defeated in the final as Arria become their third greatest. Twas a wonder seeing her then, no longer a child playing a dangerous game, but a woman coming into her own." Zevran's smile faltered. "Of course, that woman died along with her people. I do not know what has transpired since then, but that fire in her eyes has been concealed behind shadows. Something happened to her in that intervening time, and though I cannot say what, it has changed her, humbled her. Twice now she has spared my life and I do not intend to leave her side until I see that debt repaid, at least partially."

Alistair was silent as he mulled this over. So this was their connection. It wasn't what he expected, but it sure explained a lot. "All right, so now that you are reunited what is your…intentions toward her?"

Zevran chuckled loudly. "You mean do I wish to pursue her? My dear Warden, while our Dancer is ravishing and highly desirable, I do not wish for her that way. Oh I would not deny her should she ask for me, but I doubt that should ever be the case. After all, have you not laid your claim upon her?"

Alistair blushed. "I-"

The elf laughed again. "Fear not, my friend. While I find Arria incredibly attractive, you need not fear me as competition." He did not fail to miss the sagging of the male Warden's shoulders in relief. "Of course, I could always give you some tips on how to satisfy your beautiful lady. You will not know this, but I have learnt from experience that Nileesan women can go for _hours…"_

Alistair's blush deepened further. "I'm going now."

"You Fereldens are so finicky. Still, you are in the early stages of your relationship, I suppose it can be forgiven. I will say this though: our Dancer is a rare gem indeed."

Alistair swiftly left, his face flaming. His eyes turned soft however as Arria walked towards him, a gentle smile on her face. "Hey, I thought you were still sleeping?"

"How can I sleep when my arms were empty? I'm too used to having you there," he replied, earning a giggle from her. While that wasn't entirely untrue, he had left their tent because he was lonely. He'd actually woken before Arria, forced to watch as she fought through her dream. That was yet another thing they were going to have to face: as their relationship deepened, they were going to have to confront the issue of intimacy. It was far away from his mind at the moment, but over the course of the future that would surely change.

"Well, you'll be pleased to know I'm more than ready to return to bed. By the way, why are you so red?"

"I was just informing our dear Warden of the stamina of Nileesan women. He will have to work hard to keep up with you, my Dancer." Arria raised an eyebrow at the Crow behind them.

"Well you ought to know, Zevran. How many Nileesan women did you manage to make your way through? And no, I'm not counting your marks."

"In either case, I could not even hazard a guess. Had you asked me to name the number of women who have turned me down it would be much simpler."

"Now this I've got to hear. Who would refuse a charming elf such as yourself?"

Zevran smirked at her. "You know very well, my Dancer. After all, you were a prize I never managed to claim. It seems our dear Alistair has managed that instead."

Arria laughed lightly, then slightly louder at the growing red on Alistair's face. She stretched up and pecked him on the cheek. "On that note, I shall return to my tent. I shall see you both in the morning. Don't embarrass him too much, Zev."

The elf held his hands out dramatically. "I am being but myself!"

She smirked at him. "Exactly. Goodnight all." With that she disappeared back into the tent.

Alistair smiled after her, pleased to see she was participating in banter. It was a rarity to see her so relaxed and he hoped it would become a regular thing. He looked upward to see Morrigan had changed back to her wolf form and was resting next to Carou, the animal very comfortable in her company. The Templar training within him forced a shudder at the thought of Morrigan being a shapeshifter. All he had been taught made him think that magic was dangerous, and so were those who used it. That had changed in their time at Kinloch Hold, his experiences in the tower showing him both the good and bad sides of magic in equal measure. "Where does it come from?" Alistair turned back to the elf as he was spoken to. "Your prejudice?"

He sighed deeply. "It was kind of drummed into me that magic is to be feared and controlled as I was trained as a Templar, so I suppose that is where it comes from. I don't have any opinions regarding elves, though I do think the way they live in the Alienages is appalling."

Zevran hummed in contemplation. "And you still feel that way now? Do not forget that our darling Wynne is a healer, she has saved the life of young Elissa, and from what I have heard, your treasure too. And there is the fact that Arria herself can be considered a mage: she has magical blood within her. Do you justify them as exceptions or do your feelings include them too?"

"No, I don't agree with it anymore, though I suppose my unease will take a while to change. Of course it could also be that Morrigan is a complete and utter _bitch_."

The elven man chuckled. "Perhaps. You should return to your beautiful companion, we would not want her to get lonely."

Alistair nodded and took a couple more steps forward before pausing. "Zevran." The elf faced him again with a questioning gaze. "After all you have said tonight, I get the feeling you wouldn't betray her but I need to hear it. How far does your pledge of allegiance go?"

He smiled at the male Warden, admiring his protectiveness of Arria. "I will repeat to you my very words of promise. I will remain in her service until either Death claims me, or she sees it fit to end my servitude by her own blade. I owe her a double life debt, and that is not something I can simply walk away from."

Alistair nodded in gratitude and re-entered the tent with a new sense of respect towards the elf. While they may not always see eye-to-eye, and despite what he said he would keep a watch to see if he made any moves towards Arria, there was one thing they shared. Neither would ever leave her side by choice. When he peeled the canvas away he found her sitting there, waiting for him. He smiled and got comfortable, waiting for her to slip into his arms: this was where they belonged. Together. His heart clenched as he thought on their forward journey. Surely things would only get more difficult from here, but together they would succeed. They _had _to succeed. All of Ferelden was counting on them.

* * *

When the dawn broke the group headed back to Redcliffe Castle to meet Teagan. The man was decidedly sombre as he greeted the group, the impact upon his family finally hitting him. Isolde was nowhere to be seen and her absence was a welcome relief for Arria: she had not wanted to face the woman just yet. While she may still hate her, she could sympathise with her too. She wouldn't wish this pain upon anyone. Well, _almost _anyone.

Teagan asked for the bulk of their group to wait in the hall and they did so. Arria, Alistair, Leliana and Morrigan joining him in Eamon's bedroom. All of them waited anxiously as Morrigan completed her analysis of the Arl. "It would seem the Arl neither declines nor improves," she stated as she stood. "The demon has suspended his health, and while it will last for a time yet, it is not going to hold indefinitely."

"So if we don't find a cure for Eamon, he will die," surmised Teagan. Alistair sighed beside Arria and she linked her fingers with his, in reassurance. "Can you say how long the demon's magic will hold?"

"It should remain for at least another month. Beyond that, I cannot say."

Teagan turned to Arria. "That at least leaves us time to find a solution."

"Your knights were searching for a way to save the Arl, were they not?" Teagan nodded. "Where did you send them? They still have not returned."

"The Urn of Sacred Ashes." Everyone within turned to the croaking voice, finding Isolde in the doorway. Her eyes were bloodshot, tear tracks could still be seen on her face and her perfect appearance had been forsaken in her grief. Arria wanted to look away but could not bring herself to do so, knowing she could not avoid the Arlessa forever. It had been a necessary evil, however much it may have torn her heart to do it. "It was thought to be our only hope after our healers failed us."

"You do not mean the same urn said to contain the ashes of Andraste herself, do you?" asked Leliana in wonderment.

"It is thought to be a myth, is it not?" added Morrigan.

"There was a scholar in Denerim, Brother Genitivi. He said he had found the location of the Urn and we sent our knights with him to bring it back, but they have not returned."

"Something must have happened," said Alistair. "Surely they could not have taken this long if they were unhampered."

"As much as I hate to say it, I think you might be right, Alistair. It is now a month since our knights set out, and without so much as a word from the bulk of them…I fear they are now lost to us."

"The Arl will be safe for the next month, so that will allow us time to gather some intelligence en route to Denerim. We should seek out this Brother Genitivi and see what has occurred."

"It might also let us find another solution. While the Urn may be our only hope, at the moment we still don't know if it is nothing more than a myth," added Arria.

Teagan hummed in thought. "Wardens, I know you have other duties to attend to, and I would not ask this of you if I thought there would be any other way, but you may be our only hope of saving Eamon. Can I ask you to help us one last time?"

Both Alistair and Arria nodded. "Of course, Teagan. We could do nothing else. Besides that, I owe both you and Isolde for my part in all of this. I won't let someone else die, not when there is a breath left in my body to stop it."

Isolde looked at the woman hard for a few seconds, her grief stricken eyes chilling Arria to her bones. Eventually the Arlessa held a hand out to the female Warden. "While I cannot forgive you for killing my son, I know now from Teagan that you did everything in your power to save us both. Maybe once you return to save Eamon, I can find it in my heart to see things from your side, and perhaps understand your choice."

Arria gaped at the other woman before rediscovering her composure. "Thank you, Isolde. I am truly sorry for what I have done to you; I may have disliked you for what you did to Alistair as a child, but I never would having willingly caused you such hurt."

Isolde pondered this. "I admire your honesty, and I can understand where your distaste towards me." The Arlessa then faced Alistair. "For what it is worth, I apologise for how I treated you. Knowing what I do now, I cannot say I would not have done the same thing again, but things may have been different. In saying that, had things gone differently, you may not have joined the Grey Wardens."

Alistair sighed. "There are so many 'what if's' in life, and I've kind of accepted now that everything happens for a reason. I spent many years wondering what might have been, but all I can do now is make sure I give everything I can to the future. Given all that has happened, I think I've ended up pretty well and, like Arria, I'm going to do all I can to ensure we save Eamon, and then Ferelden. There is far too much at stake."

The Arlessa smiled slightly. "All I can now do is to trust in you, Wardens. Please, save my husband."

The couple nodded. "We will, I promise you," answered Arria, finally taking Isolde's hand and shaking it. While they may not exactly be friends, they did now have an understanding. It was at least a start.

* * *

The group returned to their camp a short time later, preparing to plan their next move. "So, what is our next destination?" asked Morrigan.

"Well, now that we know Arl Eamon should be safe for the immediate future, perhaps we should focus on the treaties?" suggested Elissa.

"Perhaps, although the Dalish are on the way to Denerim anyway," added Rod.

"Actually, since we have the time, I have another idea." Everyone turned to Arria. "Morrigan and Sten have reasons to go to Kinloch Hold. Anyone who wants to accompany them is free to, or they can come with me. I will be heading to Ostagar." Several eyes widened around the group. "It is up to all of you which way you wish to go."

The group became thoughtful. "I will return to Lake Calenhad, I wish to see how Irving's funeral went," stated Leliana.

"I will join you as well, I think. Ostagar holds no appeal for me," said Zevran.

Elissa and Rod looked at each other. "Arria, I'll join you. I…I want to see my brother…to say goodbye," spoke the young woman through sudden tears. She had yet to fully grieve for her brother and this gave her the perfect opportunity. Rod held her hand as silent tears fell and nodded to Arria, confirming that he would be joining her.

"Ostagar hold unfinished business for me. I will go with you, Warden." Arria winced internally at the thought of Wynne joining them, but settled for nodding in acceptance.

She looked to Alistair and could see he wanted to ask something, but it wasn't for everyone's ears. Deciding to give him the chance she stood and said they could all have till the morning to decide where they would be heading. The others stood and went about their own business as Alistair gripped her hand, encouraging her to look at him. Carou picked up on the uneasy atmosphere between the couple and rested his head on Alistair's lap. "Arria, why do you want to go back? What could possibly be there for us?"

Arria sighed. "I know there's a lot of painful memories for us there, Alistair, but I…I left something there, and I think it's about time I reclaim it."

He looked at her inquisitively. "Left something? But what could you…?"

"When Duncan rescued me from Howe, he found all I had left of my home: my armour and weapons of Nileesa. They…hold some special memories for me, and I didn't have the heart to sell them before, hoping that someday I could be worthy of wearing it again. At the time, I didn't think it would ever happen, but now...You've shown me that I am healing. I am not afraid of my past anymore, and I want to embrace all I have left of my people."

"But Arri, could they really still be there?"

"Maybe not, but I have to try Alistair. Besides…I'm not going only for that. I want to pay my respects to those who weren't as lucky as us. Lissa will get to say goodbye to Fergus, and we can both say goodbye to Duncan and Cailan. I know you didn't know your brother at all but I owe him a lot: he gave me the first confidence I had since Nileesa was destroyed, and he made me feel less of a monster." At Alistair's horrified glance she continued. "Nileesans weren't exactly thought of highly by our neighbours. You heard it yourself from Zevran, the Antivans respected us as a people but it was born out of fear. Because of our power, we were destroyed. Never mind that we didn't have any interest in conquering the other nations, we were considered too dangerous to be left alive: we were monsters to them. Cailan…he was fascinated by me, rather than afraid. It let me see that there might be a place for me in the world, that I may not have to hide forever. I want to pay my respects to him."

Alistair sighed, seeing where she was coming from. While he may not have cared for Cailan much he did a lot for Arria. And it did give him the chance to say farewell to Duncan…"Okay, to Ostagar it is."

"Are you sure? You could always go to Kinloch Hold."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You really think I am going anywhere without you at my side? Hate to break it to you, but you can't shake me off that easy."

Arria smiled. "As if I would want to? But that's not what I meant and you know it."

He smiled back. "Yeah, I know. I think it would be good to say a proper farewell." She nodded back to him as Carou whuffed on his lap. The male Warden laughed and petted the dog. "You feeling left out boy?" Carou barked once. Alistair pretended to be deep in thought. "I dunno Arri…should we take him with us?"

She raised an eyebrow as Carou growled deeply. "You do realise that teasing a Mabari is probably not the best idea?"

His smile vanished and he looked nervously at the dog. "Umm…."

Arria giggled and petted Carou gently. "Be nice, Carou. And I guess you want to come with us?" A single happy bark was her answer. "Okay, it's settled then."

"So…Us, Wynne, Rod and Lissa are heading to Ostagar while Leliana, Zevran, Sten and Morrigan go to Lake Calenhad."

"Looks that way, though some might change their mind. I _hope _some change their minds."

"You mean Wynne, don't you? What is it between you two anyway?"

"When I first came to Ostagar, I was still…tender…after the last time Howe had his way with me. Wynne was who I asked to heal me, but I'm certain she thinks all of it was the result of an 'adventurous' sex life rather than abuse."

Alistair looked appalled. "Surely she could tell the difference?"

"I'd stopped fighting by then, Alistair; it meant it hurt less."

He sighed deeply, his heart hurting for her as he pulled her in to his side. She sighed contentedly and rested her head against his shoulder. "Arria, do you fear what is happening between us? I'm guessing the idea of a relationship is pretty terrifying to you."

She stiffened slightly but it was expected by both of them. This was always going to be a difficult conversation. "The idea of intimacy does scare me, but I'm going to have to face it sooner or later. I don't want Howe to have broken me completely. I won't _let _him have broken me." She turned to face him again. "I know you wouldn't hurt me, Alistair. If you want to…I can try."

He shook his head. "It's far too soon for that. I won't push you, I'm not going to risk losing this for anything." She smiled and leant up to kiss him. Alistair held her gently as they lost themselves in the feeling of unity that came from that simple action. Carou watched from Alistair's lap, barely moving a muscle as he almost smiled. Rod and Elissa spied them from across the camp and privately cheered, happy at long last they were together. Leliana and Zevran smiled while Sten and Morrigan chose to ignore the pair, not interested. Unlike the rest of the company, Wynne scowled at the display. She would be having stern words with Arria after they set off tomorrow.

As Alistair sat back he caressed Arria's cheek, glad when she turned into the affectionate touch rather than shy away from it. "So, you know how you said about showing me some of those skills…?"

"Oh yeah. Well, actually, I think it would be better if I started to teach you at Ostagar, once I have my armour. It is modified to enhance my skills, and I can not only teach you better, but can show you my highest skills. You can then see when lyrium manipulation is needed."

He nodded in response. "Don't suppose you know any others I could make use of, do you? I'm sure there were plenty shield users in Nileesa."

"There were. We called them Guardians, but unfortunately for you, even their Second Class skills require lyrium manipulation. I'm afraid you couldn't learn any more than you do now."

The male Warden sat back in disappointment. "Damn, just my luck."

She smiled in remembrance. "It's a shame Tomerre isn't still here, he would have been the perfect one to show you."

"Tomerre?"

"My best friend, he was about to become a Master Guardian just as Merlinne was attacked. He died trying a last ditch attempt to save our people. You remind me of him, actually?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, although he was a lot moodier than you and the opposite trust-wise, you were both hurt by your families and left to survive on your own. You are both fiercely loyal, you have a deep sense of duty and…"

"And?"

"You would do anything for someone you cared about. Your personalities may have been polar opposites, but your values are exactly the same."

"Sounds like I would have got on well with him."

"That's probably true." When she turned back to him there were tears in her eyes. Alistair was concerned but she upped and dashed back inside their tent before he could understand. Carou jumped up as she did but looked at Alistair, almost waiting for him to go first. He didn't have to wait long because Alistair was but five seconds behind Arria. As he entered the tent he found her clutching her blanket and crying quietly. He lay down behind her and cuddled her from behind, kissing her hair lightly. "I miss my home…I miss it so much…" she sniffed out through her tears. "I can't lose it again, I can't. Ferelden is just becoming my home and if we fail-"

"We won't fail. There is far too much at stake. You won't be alone again, I promise you." He leant in close to her ear and whispered into it. "Only death itself is going to tear me away from you now."

Carou entered the tent and upon seeing his mistresses distress settled down in front of her. She clutched him tightly, drawing comfort from the Mabari as Alistair continued to reassure her. Or at least tried to. He had unintentionally fuelled one of her fears: he would make sure that only death was what would part them, and she knew that if he were to die, there was no coming back. Unlike with her friends, she couldn't recover. The revelation shocked and frightened her. What did that mean in relation to her bond to Alistair compared to that of her friends?

There was one thing she knew above all else. Either together they would succeed, or together they would fall. And she prayed it was the former.

* * *

And I have broken 100k words! Yes! Please leave me your thoughts, next chapter to be uploaded shortly.

Translations:

_Sur esna ollan_ - You are well

_Mi an essara_ - I am glad

Negative Angel


	18. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

That's it, the rating is going up. Sorry for the lateness of the update, I haven't been feeling well this week and as such my writing wasn't up to my usual standard. Had to rewrite this chapter twice before I was happy with it.

Special thanks to my reviewers for the last chapter: **Melysande, Monique Seiei, Eve Hawke **and **Musicalrain. **Unfortunately I haven't been able to reply to all of you because FF is being stupid and not letting me send any PM's, grrr. Thank you all so much!

Next target with this story is to reach 100 reviews. I've never managed that and I hope you can all help me make that happen!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

This isn't an easy read, don't say I didn't warn you.

* * *

**Chapter 17: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

As Arria had suspected, none of their company had changed their minds on their destinations when morning broke. She bid farewell to Leliana, Morrigan, Zevran and Sten on the outskirts of Redcliffe as the rest of their group prepared for the journey to Ostagar. It would be strange, of that Arria had no doubt, to walk among those ancient ruins once more. The last time she was there she had been a frightened young woman, taking her first steps of freedom in a vast and dangerous world. Now she was different. She was learning how to live again: she had a purpose, friends and a future. Everyone who was part of her company for this little detour had their reasons for going. Ostagar had cost all of them something, be it friends, colleagues or family. The mood was more than a little sombre as they set off from Redcliffe.

A hand took held of hers as they began their long walk back to Lothering and she looked up to see Alistair smiling at her. Arria smiled back as he pecked her cheek lightly. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

She turned her gaze to the skies. "It will be strange, going back there. I can't help but wonder what we are going to find."

"Yeah...do you think there would be anything left?" Arria looked at him confused. "To burn, I mean. I'd like to give both of them a proper funeral, or as close as possible."

"I guess we will find out when we get to Ostagar. Anything you want to do in Lothering as we wander through?"

"Not really, apart from finding some work to earn us some coin. Teagan gave me a pouch with a few sovereigns in it but I felt I should give it to the villagers; they are going to have much more need of it than us and at least we can potentially earn our own money."

"You are right, that's a good idea." A giggle from nearby caught their attention and they switched to look at Rod and Elissa a few steps behind. The pair were smiling away as they chatted and you would never have known that but a couple of days ago the Elissa had nearly been killed. In fact, she would have died were it not for Wynne. Arria noticed Elissa fingering a beautiful silver chain which continued beneath her armour and looked at it curiously. She hadn't been wearing that before but from the way she continued to play with it, it must have been a gift from Rod. The other two noticed the Wardens looking at them and shared a look before Elissa ran forward to grasp Arria's arm tightly. "Wah! Lissa!"

"Come on, you and me need to have a little chat. I'm sure these two can manage to keep themselves out of too much trouble," spoke the raven-haired woman. At Arria's raised eyebrow she continued. "Okay so maybe they can't, but at least we won't be far away."

"Oi!"

"Hey!" Elissa stuck her tongue out at the simultaneous shouts of indignation from both Rod and Alistair before she ran ahead, dragging Arria with her. After the pair were out of earshot Rod sauntered next to Alistair and swung an arm around his shoulders.

"So, what made you do it?" Alistair responded with a blank look. "Confess. Last time we spoke about it you were pretty adamant about keeping quiet."

"Oh, that. The Circle Tower is what did it. That battle with Uldred nearly cost Arria her life and I have never felt anything like it before. She wasn't breathing when Wynne healed her and I swear I felt like something died inside me when I discovered it. After that near miss I couldn't justify keeping it quiet anymore, though we didn't actually get together until our first night back in Redcliffe…after we'd…"

"I know that feeling all too well because it happened to me when Lissa was stabbed by that Revenant." He switched his gaze to the burn which was still on the male Warden's neck. "Why don't you get Wynne to sort that out?"

"It doesn't hurt anymore, I guess that's how magic works. If anyone else but Arria had been with me when that happened I know I would be dead right now."

"Yeah, she sure is special…and I get the feeling you now know just how deep that strength of hers goes."

"You knew…?"

"Lissa had spoken of her back in Highever when she first found out from her father and confirmed to me it was Arria in Lothering. I can only imagine the hell she went through."

"I don't want to just imagine it, I want to know it. She shouldn't have to deal with it alone."

Rod looked at Alistair hard. "You do realise just how much that is going to hurt, right? Not just her, but you as well. Her experiences at Howe's hands are likely to haunt her for the rest of her life, and it'll make intimacy a big problem." As the male Warden looked away a suspicion began forming in Rod's mind. "You've never been with a woman like that before, have you?"

Alistair sighed deeply. "No. And that's what makes this whole situation worse. I might unintentionally hurt her because I have no idea what I'm doing."

Rod's eyes softened, understanding the other man's insecurities well. "Everyone has been there, I was like that with Lissa. Alistair, have you asked her if she knew intimacy before what happened?"

"She's already told me that she hadn't been in a relationship before us, and I'm sure she isn't the type to give herself over to someone like that without taking that step."

The other man cursed softly. "Which means all that she has ever known is abuse. This will be a long and painful road, you had better brace yourselves for a few steps in the wrong direction."

Alistair's eyes left Rod to look at Arria ahead, still talking with Elissa. "That it may be, but she is worth all of it."

* * *

"So, when did you finally stop resisting?" asked the younger woman as she linked her arm with Arria's.

The blonde-haired woman sighed quietly. It had only been a matter of time before the Cousland had questioned her about the change between herself and Alistair. "I kind of stopped fighting it after the battle at Redcliffe, though I didn't fully embrace my feelings until after that whole episode in the Fade."

"What happened in that dream?"

Arria hesitated briefly before she answered. "I was back home, in Nileesa. We had won instead of being slaughtered and had built a life since. I was engaged, about to be married and five months pregnant by my future husband." Elissa gasped and held onto Arria's arm tighter. "It was everything I had dreamt of since I was a little girl. Once we broke free, I had kind of faced the fact that I couldn't live inside my past anymore: I need to build a future. After that…I stopped fighting my feelings. They still scared me, and still do in fact, but I won't let Howe have won. I want to feel loved, at least once in my life."

Elissa smiled at the female Warden. "If there is one thing that we can be certain of in this whole situation, it is that Alistair adores you. Why do you still fear your feelings?"

"Because as we get closer and things develop between us…"

"Intimacy is going to come up. Howe's torment will haunt you for a long time, I am sure, but at least you have good experiences to go with it, right?" At the shadowed look in the other woman's eyes, she had her answer. "Oh no, please don't tell me-"

"I was a virgin, before Howe. I'd never gone further than kissing another man and then he…I'm not actually sure I could ever give myself over to him that way."

"Oh Arria…" Elissa hugged the other woman briefly. "Let me tell you, while I was terrified my first time, it was blissful. The experience is not something I could, nor would want, to describe to you. It's better you find that out yourself. Giving yourself to a man is very different than having it taken from you." She placed a hand on Arria's shoulder. "I know you two are a long way from that, but when you feel you can finally give something to him, take it slowly. There's so much more to it than just sex."

Arria looked at her unsure. "Lissa I…I just can't see it."

"Let him show you how much he loves you Arria." Arria's eyes widened at her friend. Elissa sighed. "I am almost sure he loves you, he looks at you like Rod used to with me. Guarantee he won't see it yet, but he will someday soon. Don't be afraid to let your feelings grow for him too, you might just find that love you have wanted for so long."

The pair smiled and turned around as they saw both their men walking up behind them. Rod stood next to Elissa and wrapped an arm around her waist. "That us got everything sorted out now or do we have to interrogate the two of you a little more?" asked the knight.

Arria playfully smacked his armour. "I think we can handle it from here, can't we?" she said while turning to Alistair.

He chuckled while linking their hands. "Of course."

"You sure? Not need any tips on how to woo your woman? I can give you a few pointers," added Rod.

Elissa raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you ever successfully woo me? It was your clumsiness that did more for you than your attempts at being romantic."

Both Alistair and Arria burst out laughing at Rod's expense. Elissa laughed lightly and pecked his cheek affectionately. "That hurt Lissa…"

"You'll get me back for it later I'm sure." She grabbed his arm and started dragging him away. "See you two later."

The Wardens burst out laughing again as they saw Rod chase Elissa a few seconds later. It was Alistair who managed to speak first. "I swear those two are about five years old."

Arria smiled at him and snuggled into his side. "You say that as if they aren't just a little bit younger than us. Rod is the same age as me."

He raised an eyebrow. "Now that I didn't know. That's a good point, when is your birthday, Arri?"

"It's in fifteen days."

Alistair smiled. "Wow, glad I asked now. That might have been embarrassing had I asked a few days after."

Arria giggled. "Would have been typical of your timing?"

"Are you saying I have no sense of timing?"

"No, just that your luck is about as bad as mine."

He opened his mouth to reply then swiftly realised he couldn't disagree: she was right. "Damn, guess we are right for each other then. Who knows, maybe our combined bad luck will turn good?"

Arria wrapped her arms around his neck. "I think it is already changing." He smiled back and drew her in gently. As their lips locked Arria couldn't help but think back to her conversation with Elissa. Could Alistair really love her? Could she love him back someday? Something inside her was telling her she wasn't that far away from it already and from how her spirit soared every time he kissed her she figured it was only a matter of time.

Alistair was on a train of discovery himself. He could feel the stirrings of desire within him but swiftly banished them, knowing it was far too soon for anything like that. She was just so beautiful that he couldn't help himself. While Arria may have been right in him thinking differently of her now that he knew the truth, she couldn't have been more wrong in how it had changed his opinion of her. She was so vulnerable and open that he couldn't help but feel honoured in the trust she was giving him. Her spirit may be hollowed and abused but it made her that much more beautiful and precious. To know that she had found the strength to survive all that she had endured…Arria was right, his luck had changed, because somehow he had won her affections without even trying.

While the Wardens kissed tenderly further down the road approaching them was Bodahn's wagon. Both he and Sandal were discussing while Wynne watched the pair with a harsh gaze. When they camped tonight, she was going to bring some things to light. She would not see Alistair's innocence taken advantage of by the female Warden.

* * *

The atmosphere in the camp that night was very relaxed as the two young couples settled in to play a few rounds of cards. Both Rod and Alistair were rather annoyed that somehow, regardless of how they tried to do it, either Elissa or Arria managed to win every game. Rod growled about Elissa's ridiculous luck, at which he found himself being elbowed in the ribs, while Arria shrugged and said she'd got lots of practice courtesy of her mentor. "There's a question, Arria," began Elissa, "Who were your friends back in Nileesa? You've always spoken fondly of them but never told us more."

Arria wrapped her arms around her knees. "It was always too painful before. I may not be able to tell everything, but I can try…" Alistair wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she let him pull her in, appreciating his nearness. "I knew lots of people in Merlinne, but there was only a very small group I would call my family. Aleron and Alira were both mages. Lira was a healer but Ron was our strongest combat mage. Some of the spells he could do could put the fear of the Maker into the Circle of Magi."

"Wait, you just described them as mages, but aren't you a mage yourself?" asked Rod.

Arria smiled at him. "Despite our magical blood, most people could only do very low level magic. You were deemed a mage if you could embrace higher level Elemental, Saboteur or Saviour spells."

"Whoa, what were all those terms?"

"Back in Nileesa, we had terms for the five different schools of magic. Elementals correspond with your Primal school, Saboteurs to Entropy magic, Saviours to Creation spells, Spiritas and Fadesmiths to Spirit magic and Resistors to Blood magic."

"I'm guessing from the title of Resistor you guys only acknowledged Blood magic for one reason."

Arria nodded at the knight. "Living right next to Tevinter, we needed a way to defend ourselves. Resistors knew Blood magic, but would never use it against another living creature except in two circumstance: helping them become immune to the influence of Blood magic in the future, or to defend against other Blood mages. They had a skill which locked them into a battle with all surrounding Blood mages, making them harmless to our people."

"Wow, that is a handy skill. Too bad we don't have anything like that here so we don't have to live in fear of Blood mages."

"It came at a horrible price, one which I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Aleron was a Resistor, he is the one that made me immune, but it also left him extremely vulnerable to demonic influence. More than once he almost lost control. Lira's skills were the only reason he was brought back from the brink so often." The others grew sombre as they realised living in a nation where everyone was magical-blooded may have created just as many problems as it solved. "Those two were a pretty good team. Tomerre…he was a Guardian, a shield-user, who I met on my first day in the guards. We got into a fight after I was pissed off with his arrogance. 14 years old and we put the fear of the Maker into every other recruit there with our duel. We were fierce rivals for years afterwards, only growing close as age and experience mellowed us…"A gentle smile touched her face as remembered the man who once held her heart. She turned to the one who currently held it and kissed him lightly, taking him in as she collected herself. That part of her life was over, and she wanted to embrace where it was headed now. "And then we come to the man who I can thank for a lot of my faults and greatest traits."

"Your mentor?"

"Yeah. Garros was only eleven years older than me, but even from a young age he was thrown into situations beyond his years. He was homeless from a young age but when my father found him on the streets he set him up with an elderly couple and gave him a job working for them. My family were apparently quite well off, despite our common birth."

"Apparently?" Everyone could hear the sadness in her voice, sensing a tragedy looming.

"My father…he must have pissed of the wrong people because he was assassinated when I was 4. My mother was pregnant with my sister at the time, and Garros took care of me as the grief consumed her. After she gave birth to my little sister, Rena…I was an orphan. Garros always thought my mother gave up, and I think he was right. Rather than see my sister and I forced to live off the streets or end up the unfortunate victims of the harsh world he took us in, raising both of us at just 15."

Elissa's eyes widened. "He was 15, you were 4 and your sister was just days old?"

"Yeah, how he did it I still do not know. Maker knows I was a handful at 15, when I think of the maturity he must have had…Anyway, Garros began training me to fight from when I was 6 years old and I was more than a little nifty by the time he left to go to the guards. Eventually, I decided I couldn't live with the elderly couple who had helped us and left with Rena for Merlinne, in search of him again. By then, he was 25 years old and the rising star of the Nileesan army. At 29 he became the youngest Commander for over a hundred years…He might have just become an Emperor had he the chance."

"Emperor? Is that a special title of your people?"

Arria nodded. "As a warrior of Nileesa, you were able to specialise in three different areas. I started out as a Dancer, soon learning the Songstress skills and attempting to learn the effects of a Spirita, though it was only in our return to Redcliffe that I learnt to harness those skills. If you can attain the rank of Master in all three, you earn the title of either Battle Maiden or Battle Lord, I think you can work out which is why. The one thing every Nileesan is born with is their Taming skills. It was rare for there to be a Master Tamer, but even rarer to find Master Tamer become a Battle Maiden or Battle Lord."

"And that is what you become?"

"Emperor if you are male, Matriarch if you are female. There hasn't been either since our Emperor King and Matriarch Queen: a brother and sister who rose to become our greatest ever rulers."

"That was something I learnt from Zevran," interjected Alistair. "You had more than one King?"

She smiled. "To avoid feuds between siblings, it was decided early that they would rule together. As such it created new problems with the line of succession, but as it turned out many of the Kings and Queens of Nileesa either never married or had children. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement between the siblings that only one of them would ever have any heirs, I have no idea why but it normally panned out that way." A blush sprung up unwantedly as she thought briefly of Mallos, something which Alistair did not miss. "Becoming an Emperor or Matriarch is considered the greatest honour of our people."

"So, when will we be hearing about you becoming a Matriarch then?" joked Rod, not expecting Arria to burst into laughter. "Something I said?"

It took several moments for her to rein herself in. "Good one. I could maybe someday become a Battle Maiden; Matriarch however is beyond my reach."

"How come?"

"To put it frankly, I'm a crap Tamer."

"But we've all seen you with animals, we saw you with Morrigan."

"Any Nileesan can tame small animals like dogs, cats or wolves. The minute I try anything bigger such as a bear or even a spider, I've had it."

"Why?"

Arria shrugged. "Some just can't do it. I think it is to do with the balance of my blood: I suspect I have too much human in me."

"There is so much to your people we do not know."

She smiled at the three of them. "But I will enjoy telling you all. I am so thankful that you can accept me as being different."

"Why wouldn't we? We know you Arria, you are a good person."

Arria beamed at them but her happiness swiftly vanished as a venomous voice spoke from nearby. "Not as good as you might think." She spun around to see Wynne a few feet behind them, glaring at the younger woman.

Carou was growling lowly at the older mage and Arria switched her gaze to him briefly. "_Millias, Carou." _The hound looked at her questioningly and she nodded back to him. Carou continued to stare at Wynne as Arria stood to face her fully. "Oh? And what would you know of it, Wynne?"

"I know you haven't told all of them your little secret, the one you needed me to heal you of back in Ostagar." Alistair's breath hitched as he realised where this was going but could not stop Wynne from launching onto her tirade. "Why don't you let them know of your little adventures? Or at the very least you should tell our Alistair since no doubt you will break his heart as you have the many boys you have slept with before. I could tell you have slept with many different men from my healing of you back in Ostagar and I am not surprised you haven't told them that you are a little slut. You put up a good act but I am beginning to seriously question your integrity, Warden."

Elissa gasped beside Rod and clamped a hand over her mouth as he whispered in muted horror. "Wynne…" Oh how wrong she was. Alistair desperately wished he could see Arria's face, but had he done he would have seen her go ash pale, the memories threatening to overwhelm her of the many men who had ravaged her over and over again. Something inside her snapped and she rounded on the older mage, fury blazing in her eyes and her heart.

"My integrity? _My _integrity? Have you even thought to _ask _on why I needed you to heal me? Did you once even _think _to find another reason or is your judgement so infallible that you are right no matter what? What business is this of yours?!"

Wynne crossed her arms defiantly. "Alistair is inexperienced, which is more than I can say of you."

Arria stepped forward angrily, snapping her arm out of Alistair's grasp when he tried to hold her back. Carou was snarling viciously next to Wynne but Arria snapped her fingers and the Mabari backed off temporarily. "Do yourself a favour, Wynne. Get your head out of your ass and open your mind. The world is not as black and white as you think, and your age does not give you the right to judge people for things outside of their control!" The nausea she had fought to contain threatened to bubble over and she clenched a hand over her mouth before dashing away into the trees.

Alistair watched her go, about to follow when he noticed Carou bare his teeth threateningly at the mage. "Carou, no." The dog turned to him with a hurt look and Alistair simply shook his head. "That will achieve nothing, and Arria already asked you not to." He turned harsh eyes towards Wynne and the older woman was surprised at the anger and disgust there. "How dare you judge her when you don't even know the truth. You assumed and treated her based on those assumptions; your statements in the tower make perfect sense to me now. I'm beginning to seriously question whether you staying with us is such a good idea. You have saved both Arria's and Elissa' lives, but that doesn't excuse you from what you have just done." Alistair glared at her briefly before a bark from the Mabari caught his attention. "I'll go, Carou. I can't stand being here any longer."

Elissa stood and tried to catch Alistair before he left but he stormed past her even as she called out to him. "Alistair." She hadn't seen him so angry before though it was entirely understandable, her own anger was growing at Wynne. Once Alistair was out of sight she rounded on Wynne. "Wynne, what on Thedas gave you the right to do that?"

"I thought some truths should come to light before she hurt him, it would take a blind person to not notice their blossoming relationship."

Rod fought back the temptation to spit on the other woman. "You mean you wanted to hurl around some accusations and see how she would react? I pity you for you are so far from the truth that it is laughable. You would think that someone who is a healer by profession would be able to tell months of abuse."

"Rod, no," interjected Elissa, holding onto his arm.

"What's the point of hiding it now, Lissa? I think it is long overdue that Wynne hear the truth, if nothing else to show her how much of a bitch she was to Arria."

Wynne relaxed her stance, suddenly realising from Rod and Elissa's reaction that she might have been missing some vital information. "Abuse? I found no such thing."

Elissa sighed deeply, tears in her eyes for her friends. _Oh please forgive me for this, Arria. _"She had stopped fighting it by then, letting it happen. After 8 months of enduring that horror I would have to."

"What do you mean, child?"

She looked at Rod meaningfully and he nodded, leaving to speak to Bodahn and Sandal. No doubt Bodahn would be curious as to the argument and they didn't need the nosy dwarf to invade on this conversation. "You'd better sit down for this, and if you don't feel sick to your stomach by the end of it I will be amazed."

Listen she did, her stomach slowly turning in horror and disgust as she listened to all Elissa knew of Arria's ordeal. Once it was over she felt tears of shame spring to her eyes and turned her eyes to follow where the two Wardens had left the clearing. She had been so wrong, so so wrong.

_What have I done?_

* * *

Alistair ran through the trees, growing steadily more frantic as he couldn't find Arria. He tried calling out again, desperate for her to answer him. "Arria!" Yet again, there was no answer and he was no on the verge of a panicking. In her state there was no guessing where she would end up and she was unarmed, if she ran into trouble it could be too much for her. He continued running, shouts getting more desperate and growing in volume as the time passed. It felt like hours he was searching though in reality it could not have been more than fifteen minutes before he heard her shouts. Thinking she would be under attack he rushed towards her, but instead came upon a familiar scene.

Arria was kicking out at the trees, releasing her emotions much as she had back in the Korcari Wilds, though this time she had more strength, and as such was causing herself much more harm. Her right arm was bloodied as were her fists while a large gash was evident on her cheek. Alistair called out to her as she kicked at a tree and he heard a sickening crack in response, Arria herself yelping in pain. She got back up and began punching another tree, her already abused fists becoming even more scarred. Unable to stand watching it unfold before him Alistair stepped in once again, but much more ready this time. He had seen her fight many times now and he knew her strength had grown: he was going to have to give her everything.

With a scream of fury Arria spun to kick another tree but was put off balance as she was thrown back. In her mind's eye she saw one of the guards who had tormented her for months on end. She was remembering the early days, before her body and soul had been broken beyond all hope of escape. At a point where every time they tried to violate her she fought back with everything she had. Sometimes they were forced to break bones to stop her struggles while other times they simply pinned her as they ravaged her. The pain blazed in her mind and memories as she strove to beat them, not allowing anyone to use her like that again.

Alistair ducked and dodged as she lunged out ferociously, realising that once again she couldn't see him. He didn't know what it was she saw, other than it wasn't Howe. There was only rage there, no fear. When she flipped backwards to kick him in the chin he grabbed her leg, swinging her over his shoulder and tossing her away. Arria flipped back to her feet and snarled at him before running again, dropping into a sliding tackle. Alistair jumped away, finally wise to that tactic and braced himself for the next attack. At least this time she didn't have her daggers: if she had he wouldn't have been so sure of holding his own. With weapons Arria was the superior warrior. In a fist fight they were much more evenly matched, even more so with her injuries. This time he was going to fight back properly, being a punching bag wasn't going to let her pain out.

She dashed forward again and punched quickly, never giving Alistair the chance to land a blow of his own until he managed to catch her hand and threw her back into a tree. Arria screamed in anger and pain as she came to a stop, her mind's eye spinning once again. This time it moved through several shaped until it settled onto Howe. Her breathing hitched as his cruel smirk settled on her, the desire evident in his eyes. "_NO!" _she roared as she charged straight at him, punching and kicking with all she had. Alistair parried away her blows and managed to land a few well aimed blows to knock her off balance. In this state she was much more ferocious on the attack but left herself vulnerable defensively. When she spun to kick him in the chest again he caught her foot and spun both of them to the ground.

Alistair held tightly onto her back, using his legs to stop hers from kicking out as he tried to break her free. "Arria, it's me!" he whispered into her ear, hoping she would recognise his voice.

She didn't, and this new position made her go rigid with fear, remembering well what would happen next. "_No! Please, no!" _she begged desperately, fully expecting her clothes to be torn from her any minute and searing pain to make its way through her body.

He felt a tear form in his heart and kissed her neck gently, willing his touches to bring her back. "Arria, please!" Taking a huge chance he changed their position, resting her body on top of his and grabbing either side of her head, locking their eyes together. "See me Arria. It's me, Alistair. He is never going to hurt you again, I swear it."

Arria's fear subsided slightly in the change of position and as Alistair kissed her desperately, she finally saw true again. Realising at long last where and when she was, she kissed back fiercely, willing him to chase the demons away. The pair of them remained locked like that until Arria's tears could no longer be ignored. Alistair broke their kiss and held her as she wept, the emotions still too close. Had she been looking at him she would have seen a few of his own tears falling silently: her fearful cries ringing in his ears and tearing a hold in his heart. To think that she would have suffered like this daily for months…

If he ever got his hands on Howe, he would make him pay a hundredfold, this he swore.

* * *

Half an hour later the pair were still in the same positions, Arria's bruised and bloodied form draped over Alistair as they held onto each other tightly. He could feel several bruises making themselves known from their battle but no doubt Arria would be in much worse shape. They could not ask Wynne to heal her, not after what had happened earlier, so they were going to be diving into their stockpile of health poultices. "Why did you do it?" she asked quietly.

Alistair didn't even need to ask what she meant. "You were hurting yourself, and at least this time you couldn't stab me. I figure a few cuts and bruises was a small price to pay for bringing you back." He could feel her smile against his chest. "Although…how you managed to get yourself in such a state physically before I even got here is beyond me."

She chuckled as she answered. "Yeah, when that happens I want to feel pain…just to let it out physically and emotionally. It may remind me of…worse times but it makes me feel so much lighter afterwards."

He was slightly unnerved by that, release by injuring herself was not the best way to go about things. "Promise me something." She looked up at him, seeing how worried he was about her. "When it feels like it about to overwhelm you, look for me. We need to find you another outlet, and I would rather you take it all out on me rather than hurt yourself."

Arria shook her head. "I can't do that. Not after what happened last time."

"Then we make sure you don't get to that stage. I'll help to make sure that you never get lost in those memories again: you have suffered more than enough. Though you wouldn't have heard it, I promised you that I would protect you, and I fully intend to follow through in that pledge."

"Alistair…" Her heart warmed as she realised he meant it with every fibre of his being, but she was still petrified of him getting hurt. She was still reluctant to let him see just how broken she was, but maybe he was exactly what she needed to heal fully. It was going to be painful for both of them, that was for sure, but hopefully this could see her be reborn. "Okay, you win. When I need an outlet, I will find you."

He smiled at her briefly before a smirk took its place. "Good, then that means I can do this." Arria squeaked as he pulled he in for a passionate kiss, giggling halfway through it as he found a ticklish spot on her side. She pulled back and swatted him playfully on his chest, earning a laugh in reply. "Ticklish are we?" Arria squealed as he tickled her, the pair of them laughing in chorus as the negative emotions faded away. She twitched and winced in pain, the adrenaline have worn off through her body. Alistair instantly saw the change and stopped. "What's wrong?"

"I…I think I've maybe cracked a bone in my leg. It's not broken, but it certainly hurts."

Alistair shook his head and shifted her so that he could stand and pick her up bridal style. "Only you, Arri. Only you." She couldn't help but giggle in response, realising he was right. Her eyes grew heavy and he kissed her forehead as he carried her back. "Sleep, Arria. Morning is a long way off yet."

* * *

Everyone was silent in the camp as time ticked on. Suddenly, Carou sat up and bounded towards a spot in the trees, barking happily when Alistair appeared with Arria in his arms. He whined at Arria as the male Warden knelt before the dog and petted him gently. Elissa gasped in horror and ran towards the pair. "Alistair, what happened to her?" she asked, shocked at the state Arria was in.

"Believe it or not, this is what she does to herself to relieve the pain."

Elissa's eyes grew impossibly wide as Rod came to stand next to her. "She hurts herself?" he whispered, unable to believe what he was seeing and hearing.

Alistair shook his head. "Not so much. She pushes herself to her limits, and normally beyond them. This is the worst I have seen her, I will admit. Then again…I never thought I would hear her scream like she did; and I will tear Howe limb from limb when we find him."

She almost didn't want to know. "What happened?"

"She thought I was him…she was stuck in her own memories. When I managed to gain the upper hand in our fight, she screamed, thinking that she was about to be-" He couldn't finish and from the way both Rod and Elissa paled, they got the message. The sounds of another approaching caught his attention and he glared fiercely at Wynne, the older woman looking suitably ashamed. Her eyes wandered to the sleeping Arria and she felt for the young woman. No-one should have to live through that kind of torment. "While I acknowledge that you have done much for us, Wynne, I am not sure I can trust you in our company any more. I know that choice is not up to me, it is down to Arria. When she awakens, it will be decided." Wynne nodded mutely in reply, not having expected any less. She had overstepped the mark badly, and it take a long time to redeem herself, should she even be given the chance.

Alistair left with Arria, taking her back to the their tent before dropping in to see Bodahn, looking for some health poultices. Wynne could not help but enter the tent and gaze upon the sleeping Warden. There were open wounds on her arms, legs and face while some rather nasty bruises were beginning to appear all over her body. Her hands were the worst: skinned raw and still bleeding, even now. The older woman was horrified at what she saw, knowing she had caused it. In all her life she had never misjudged someone so badly, and it was going to haunt her for the rest of her days..._However few they may be,_ she continued internally.

A gentle glow lit her hands and she began the process of healing Arria. The damage was all superficial, so would not take long to heal, but even during that she started whimpering. Wondering if she had hurt the young woman she paused, but soon realised it was not physical pain, but emotional. She was caught in the vice of a vicious nightmare, one which she could not seem to break free of. Finishing off the worst of her injuries Wynne left the tent, telling Alistair as she walked past that Arria was trapped in her dreams.

Shocked and concerned he rushed back, finding Arria whimpering and crying in her sleep, but her injuries all but gone. Not pausing to think on the change, he settled and brought her into his arms, whispering soothing words in her ear in an attempt to wake her. Subconsciously his hands began running up and down her bare back, hoping that the added contact may bring her back. It began to ease and she soon jolted awake, panting heavily. Alistair stroked her hair as she calmed down, giving her time to settle. It was a few minutes before she felt calm enough to look around, realising she was actually back in their tent. Another moment later she saw that she was mostly healed. "I guess Wynne felt this would be the start of her apology," he surmised.

"I wonder which of them told her, Rod or Elissa."

"My guess is Elissa, given that Wynne looked absolutely horrified when I brought you back and she knows more. I cannot believe she dared accuse you like that."

Arria sighed. "Wynne had always been judgemental and I knew what impression she got of me back in Ostagar. I wish I had now corrected her then and there, rather than letting it lie until tonight."

"What are you going to do about her? She has done a real number on your confidence, I can feel it."

"I'll speak to her outside, I already know what I'm going to do."

Alistair nodded, not needing to know until Arria was ready to tell. "What did you see?" She stiffened next to him but persevered. "I need to know, honey. Please, I can handle it. Nightmare or memory?"

Arria hesitated for a little before answering. "Memory. Howe…he had me strung up naked, offering me to some of his 'dinner guests' for dessert. I was left there, hanging by my arms, for about half an hour before they tied me to the table. I don't remember much after that, I tried to block it out. All I know is that about seven men had me that night and I couldn't walk without pain for a week." She looked up at him and saw he had gone white as a sheet, as well as slightly nauseous. Arria brought a hand up to stroke his face. "This is why I don't want to tell you these things: it's bad enough that I know what happened. I don't want you to have these same images too."

Alistair kissed her gently, conveying his love to her and she reciprocated, losing herself to the kiss. "Arria, you can't keep all this in forever. I want to know, because then I can help you work through it. I know some of this is going to hurt and that I have barely scratched the surface, but I want this. I _need _this. It is a part of you, a part I want to help you grow stronger from, and hopefully, someday forget."

She smiled at him and kiss his jaw sensually, so grateful to him. Alistair sighed in pleasure briefly before she stood, leaving their tent. Knowing what was about to happen, he followed. Arria approached Wynne and stood before the older woman, not bothering to hide her insecurities. The mage got the message loud and clear. "I hope you are happy now, Wynne. I was finally feeling like I was healing, that I had taken a few steps forward. Now…now I've gone backwards and don't know what to do. Most of all, I am not sure I can trust your judgement any longer. You may continue with us to Ostagar, I know that place holds significance for you as well as us. After that…After we have finished there, I will make a final decision."

Wynne bowed her head to the younger woman. "I cannot apologise enough, Arria. Never in my years have I been so wrong, and I hope I may find the chance to redeem myself further down our journey."

Arria chose not to say she didn't think that was possible but nodded instead before leaving for bed, the others soon following. When they all slept that night, it was with heavy hearts, knowing things were only going to get more difficult from here.

* * *

This was a very tough write and I know it will probably be a tough read. Please let me know your opinions.

_Millias - Relax_

Negative Angel


	19. Farewell, Fallen King

Sorry guys, I'm now neck deep in end-of-term assessments and exam revision, so the updates for this month will be painfully slow. You can hope for, at best, one more chapter for May, but once we hit June I should hopefully be back to my schedule of a new chapter every four or five days :)

Special thanks to **Monique Seiei, Musicalrain, Melysande, urthlvr **and **Eve Hawke **for all your fantastic reviews. So nearly at 100!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Farewell, Fallen King**

The next day had been silent and awkward as they continued on their way to Lothering. Elissa and Rod whispered between themselves throughout the day, sending concerned glances towards the Wardens frequently. Alistair was following half a pace behind Arria, naked worry evident in his eyes as her mind continued to turn following the previous night's confrontation. That morning when he had woken it was to an empty tent, Arria having slipped away at some point in the night as he slept; upon finding her on the outskirts of their camp his breath had been stolen away at what he had seen in her eyes. She was terrified, and he had no idea why. When he went to hug her she had shook her head sadly and turned away, leaving him alone. Since then she had brushed away any attempts at comfort and kept him at least an arm's length away. The forced separation was driving him insane.

Arria wanted nothing more than to look back at him and ignore everything going on in her head, but Wynne's words had caused all of her painful memories from those months to impact her full force. Last night had forced her to look back on that time and shown her just how broken she was. Alistair's touch as he slept had frightened her for the first time, his hands on her bare stomach stirring demons within her that she couldn't hope to control. Echoes of the pain from being repeatedly raped and tortured could be found and engulf her at any moment: that Alistair had unwittingly brought them up with the most innocent of gestures had shaken her deeply and left her with an agonising choice all day. Realistically, she thought, there was no way she could ever give him all of herself. The damage wrought at Howe's hands was too deep. She had been trying to figure out a way to tell him this all day, but every time she thought she was ready to do it her heart cried out in denial, not wanting to give up what they had just begun to discover. It wasn't until the sun streamed into her eyes as night began to creep upon them that she discovered the day had been lost in her thoughts.

Wynne had observed the pair sadly all day, immense guilt within. Her angry and vile words the night before had caused this divide between them, of that she was sure. It was only now, when she saw them apart, did she realise just how good they were together. They gave each other confidence and security: Arria may be the one with more obvious emotional scarring but Alistair held deep hurts too, hurt that Arria had just began to heal. She would freely admit that she had been spurred into making that confrontation by the dual discovery of their relationship and Arria's heritage. The events at Kinloch Hold had shown her the dangers of demons and Blood magic, and Arria being Nileesan had spooked her. Rumours had said the Nileesans used Blood magic, the same as Tevinter: that compounded with the revelation that all Nileesans possessed magical blood had frightened her. It was entirely possible that Arria could fall prey to a demon since she had never faced a Harrowing to deem if she was strong enough. In her shame, Wynne could now see just how harshly she had judged the young woman and hoped that she would be given the chance to redeem herself. Not only that, perhaps Arria could help with her…situation. Maybe the Nileesan people had come across her fate before, and knew of what it entailed.

When the sun was about to completely vanish from the sky Elissa spoke up, hoping to catch Arria's attention. "Arria." The female Warden didn't turn back fully, but shifted her line of sight to find Elissa in her peripheral vision. "We should set up camp, it's getting late. I think there is the glade we camped in before just north of here." A nod was her only answer as Arria led the way, remembering where it was Elissa was referring to. Elissa sighed in disappointment as the blonde-haired woman left silently, her heart sinking as she saw Alistair watching her go, no longer following. She walked up beside him and held his arm. "Are you okay?" she asked, already knowing the answer but needing to hear what he was thinking.

Alistair turned to look at her, the sadness and confusion within his eyes cutting her to the core. "I don't know what I've done wrong. Arria hasn't let me nearer than three feet from her all day. For the first time she looked at me afraid this morning…not the subtle fear I had seen since Ostagar, but plain terror. That look has haunted me since and I'm clueless as to why. What if…what if I did something last night, not knowing-"

"Alistair, stop." He did so and Elissa hugged him, unable to keep looking at him with his confidence vanishing and fear beginning to take over. "You couldn't hurt her, you care about her far too much for that. I need you to tell me something, something I am sure you have thought about on more than one occasion. If you had to make the choice between Arria and Thedas, which would you choose?" She could feel his whole body going rigid. "You are both Grey Wardens, you two are destined to defeat the Archdemon. If you had to either save her or kill the Archdemon, which way would you go?"

"Lissa I-" He paused, steadying himself as he pulled away, forming his words carefully. "I pray to the Maker it never happens, because if it did, I really don't know how I could choose." Alistair was intrigued when she smiled back at him giddily. That was not the response he was expecting. "What?"

She kept smiling as she walked back slowly. "Your loyalty has always been to the Grey Wardens, Alistair. You've never lost sight of the duty you have. Think about it." And with that she left him and wandered back to Rod, chatting with him as they followed Arria's footsteps.

Alistair was left even more confused than before following their conversation. _What was that all about? If I had to choose between Arria and Thedas? Maker help me, I couldn't. _It was then that the full scale of that revelation hit him. _Days ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to choose Thedas to stop the Archdemon. Now…Oh maker. _

_I love her. I've fallen in love with Arria. _No wonder Elissa had been happy when he said he couldn't choose. The little minx probably brought up that question just to help him see what she already knew. He was in love with Arria.

His earlier insecurities left him as he turned determined eyes towards where their camp was going to be formed. With a new bravery he strode off, unwilling to let Arria push him away any more. They needed to straighten this out because he couldn't last another day of being apart from her.

* * *

Arria had vanished the minute camp was set up, taking Carou with her. Alistair hadn't managed to catch her before she had disappeared but trusted that if she was going to try anything like she did yesterday Carou would stop her or come back to fetch Alistair. The Mabari was just as protective of her as he was. When the dog did appear about an hour later he walked over to Alistair sadly, his head bowed deeply. The male Warden crouched before him, relieved that the hound wasn't frantic, but concerned at his mood. "What's up, boy?"

Carou nudged his hand pitifully and Alistair obliged by scratching him behind the ears. Why the dog would be so sad he could not guess but it wasn't long before Carou set off for the tress again, barking back at Alistair when he didn't immediately follow. He nodded at the dog, shouting out to Rod as he was leaving. "I'm going to find Arria, I won't be long." Rod saluted him to acknowledge he had heard just before Alistair vanished into the forest.

It didn't take Alistair long to realise that Carou was moving decidedly slower than normal, as if to put off re-joining his mistress for as long as possible. That shot his levels of concern right up. "Carou, what has happened?" he asked jogging next to the Mabari in an effort to figure things out. The dog didn't look at him, instead bowing his head further and stepping up his pace as if deciphering his slow pace was what had alerted the male Warden. Alistair was about to try again when Carou barked once, looking ahead briefly and taking off at top speed into the darkness. "Carou!" he shouted, hoping to get a response though receiving none. He followed where Carou had been directed his sight before vanishing and found Arria sitting upon the edge of a small pond, her feet dangling in the water as water cascaded down a small waterfall at the far end. It was a beautiful place and he was amazed to think that such a spot was only a few minutes away from their camp.

Arria seemed not to have noticed him and Alistair walked towards her slowly, taking careful note of her hunched shoulders and tense posture despite sitting. Her earlier mood had clearly not changed and he thought carefully of how to approach her, knowing that the wrong move might frighten her. Sitting down behind her as quietly as he could he raised a hand tentatively and drew a single finger down the side of her neck. Arria sighed deeply and couldn't help but turn towards the gentle touch, Alistair moving to caress her cheek instead. He moved forward to rest his head on her shoulder and kissed the base of her neck. She smiled at the move despite what she was about to do, knowing this might well break both their hearts, even though it was for the best. "We need to talk," she spoke blandly, not missing the short pause in his movements. "This isn't going to work, Alistair."

His heart leapt to his throat, fearing what she was hinting at. "What do you mean, Arria?"

She couldn't look at him. "You and me, us. It just can't be."

"What? Why…why would you say that?" his words came out like a plea and she could feel the beginnings of tears forming.

"I'm too damaged, Alistair, it isn't fair to you. I can't give you what you want, what you need. It's better that we end this now, before either of us gets in too deep."

Alistair felt the fury flare up inside of him that she could think like this but it was just as quickly extinguished as he realised this was probably just all her emotions from last night coming to a head. The knock to her confidence was what had brought this on, not that her feelings had changed. "Arria, I don't give a damn about that and you know it. I would never press you for anything that you can't give." When she didn't change her expression he stood, moving to stand beside her. "Stand up." His tone indicated that he wouldn't let her ignore him this time and she did so, careful to mask her eyes as she looked into his own. Both sets of eyes were hard, unwilling to back down. "If you really want to end this then I will do it on one condition. Tell me that you don't care about me. If you do that, then I will walk away, never asking anything of you again." Internally he was praying he was right about this because if it backfired, then he really was about to lose everything.

Arria's heart leapt into her throat as she saw that he meant every word if it. All she had to say was five words and that was it, they were finished. Despite his attempts to conceal his true emotions she could see that he didn't want this to end, that he didn't want to let her go, though if it was what she truly wanted then that is what he would do. Just five words, _I don't care about you, _could she say them? What a cruel choice he was giving her, especially since she was doing this for him. He deserved someone who could give him everything they had, not just pieces of a shattered soul. That he could even want her after being used as she had, violated and humiliated over and over again… "Why are you doing this?" she asked quietly, wishing he could see what she was trying to do and just walk away.

"I think I'm the one who should be asking you that question. I thought you wanted this too." He could see the confusion in her eyes but also hope. Taking a deep breath for courage he laid everything before her. "I can't walk away on my own, Arri, not when I love you." The shock in her eyes nearly stole his breath but he continued, unable to stand this limbo state anymore. "If you want me to go then I will. Is that what you wish?"

Arria's thoughts froze on what Alistair had just revealed. He loved her, he truly loved her. She could see in his eyes that he meant it with all his heart. Unwanted hope burst forth again, the same hope she had been trying to bury all day that he might accept her for how she is without the need for intimacy. Before she had no doubt that it was impossible, never yet meeting a man who couldn't think of an attractive woman without at least some thoughts of that ilk. But knowing that he loved her…maybe he could truly help her heal and love her without that side to a relationship. The thought of any intimacy still made her want to throw up, but in her heart she realised what she had been trying to run from all day. She needed Alistair just as much as he needed her. Tears sprung from her eyes as she at last shook her head.

Alistair breathed a deep sigh of relief and pulled her in for a gentle hug, tightening his hold on her as she gripped back desperately. It had shaken him to the core that her confidence had been damaged so badly as to even question their relationship: Wynne was going to pay for this deeply. He pulled back after a few minutes of holding her and took hold of her chin, tilting her head so that their eyes met. She was still unsure, that much he could see, but he needed to show her how much he cared. Alistair crushed their mouths together, pouring all his love for her into that solitary kiss.

She gasped at the sudden move and the passion behind it but soon threw her arms around his neck and held on for dear life as he kissed her breathless. This may still be the wrong choice, the hurt too much for him to handle but she was going to absorb as much love as he could give her. His arms encircled her tiny waist and he held her as close as he could. As they finally parted they smiled at each other, Alistair kissing her forehead briefly before guiding them back down to the grass below. "Have you been thinking about that all day?" he asked her quietly while stroking her neck. Arria nodded as she leant into his touch. "Why? What happened to make you question us?"

Arria hesitated before answering, realising that there could be no secrets between them if they were to give this a fair chance. "After last night, my emotions were too close to the surface. Feeling your hands on my bare skin last night, it frightened me, making me think of all those hands that had touched me when I couldn't do anything about it." Hurt pooled in his eyes and she brought her hand to stroke his cheek, smiling as he closed his eyes and kissed her palm. "You did nothing wrong, Alistair. It was just…too much. I think it will happen a lot more now that we are steadily getting closer."

He nodded, realising it was probably unavoidable but it still hurt to think that his touch had frightened her. "I'm not going anywhere, Arri. I'm sorry I caused you that pain, but I hope I can banish those demons once and for all." She nodded back and leant in to kiss him gently. He was glad she felt she could initiate the kiss, more sure of her feelings now that some of her insecurities were dealt with. Surprisingly he felt lighter now that both he and Arria knew the true extent of his feelings. He thought it being out in the open might make things more awkward but it seemed to have the opposite effect, she seemed much more relaxed than he had ever seen her. Maybe the security of knowing he wouldn't ever willingly leave her was helping. As he moved his hand to rub her shoulder he noticed her flinch. "Too much?"

"No, it wasn't that. My muscles are just tight."

"Want me to help?" She didn't look entirely sure so he amended his statement. "I'll only work on your neck and the tops of your shoulder, I promise." With a nod of permission he moved to sit behind her, thumbs pressing into the base of her neck to work out the knots. She sighed in pleasure, glad to feel the tension of the day leaving her body and giggled as she felt his press feather light kisses to the places he had finished massaging. Arria tilted her neck to the side as he moved her long caramel hair away to get access to her neck, but he paused as he found what lay beneath. "Arria, what is this?"

She realised that she had forgotten entirely about her mark, not having revealed nor explained it to anyone since Merlinne fell. Since her hair was so long it concealed it perfectly. "It's the Mark of the Tamer. Almost a birthmark if you will. All Nileesans bore them, it is kind of a living indication of your progress through life. Depending on how advanced your Taming and other skills were it would change. You might see that one arm of it is a very intricate pattern, one is slightly more detailed while the other two are pretty basic."

He looked more carefully at the mark. It looked like a tree with four arms: one very twisted and bearing lots of branches, two short and plain while one stretched up high and looked almost like it bore leaves. The beauty of it was immense and to think it was a living thing… "So this changes through life?"

"Yes. The long and flowering branch indicates my Dancer abilities, once I attain Master in it the blooms will grow to their full potential. The gnarled branch is my Songstress abilities, it will slowly become more twisted as I advance, mirroring the ability itself. Since my Taming and Spirita abilities are only Third Class, the lowest possible, the branches haven't developed: not until I have advanced my skills will they show anything."

"Wow…" He couldn't think of anything else to describe it. It was one of the most beautiful and intriguing things he had even seen. Alistair placed a gentle kiss upon her skin as he continued to loosen her tight muscles. Words weren't needed after that as Alistair showed her the depth of his love with innocent touches and gentle movements. By the time the pair set off back to camp it was with a stronger bond than before. Carou re-joined them on the way back, bounding around joyfully that they were still together, Arria having told him of her plan when she asked him to fetch Alistair. They both laughed at his reaction, glad to see they would always have someone looking out for them as a pair. Despite their near break-up, they were more sure than ever that this is what they wanted.

* * *

Their happiness didn't last long for halfway through the night Arria stirred, brought about by Alistair's fitful sleep. It made for a change to the usual, normally she was the one plagued by nightmares but it seemed that tonight it was his turn. She sat up on her elbow and shook him gently. "Alistair." He didn't respond, continuing to pant in his sleep as his body steadily became more tense. She tried again with a bit more force, shaking him. "Alistair." Again, nothing. Arria was at a loss of what to do. His hand grew tighter along her back to the point where it was beginning to get painful but she ignored it, concentrating instead on the man beside her who couldn't seem to fight his way out of his dream. She knew that feeling all too well. His movements became sharper and she pulled away with a quiet cry when the grip on her back became too painful. It seemed the loss of contact between them was what woke him because he then jolted upright, taking a few seconds to regain his bearings before their eyes met. He was angry, furiously angry at something, but before she could ask him about it he quickly stood and left their tent. More than a little confused Arria followed, making sure to keep out of his line of sight as he marched away, finally coming to a stop not far from their camp.

She watched carefully from behind a tree as Carou nudged her leg next to her. The Mabari had seen the pair and had accompanied his mistress, worried for them. Arria looked down at him, whispering back. "_Li as annura. Sur fennas." _Carou nodded but whimpered pitifully while pointing at Alistair. She smiled back. _"Li seles tallie het, anntellus." _The dog licked her hand briefly before sitting in acknowledgement. Arria scratched his ear once before venturing out to see Alistair.

He was breathing heavily with his fists tightly clenched at his sides as if warring with something internally. As Arria stepped closer he suddenly pulled a fist back and punched a tree hard. She winced as she heard his bones crunch painfully: no doubt that had broken a few, but she knew what it felt like to battle with internal demons all too well, it was probably a good release for him. As she took another step Alistair finally became aware of another presence and spun around, ready for a fight but backed off when he found her standing there patiently. Her eyes bore deep into his own as he fought off the images of the dream and he focused on them: curiosity, care and worry shone out through them, so unlike the terror and agony his mind had conjured up in his nightmare. "Alistair." His name caught his attention but he looked away, not wanting her to see this. "What did you see?"

Alistair growled under his breath at her curiosity before he looked at her again, though he wouldn't meet her eyes. He contemplated lying to her but she would see right through it. Instead he moved forward and drew his hand lightly over some of the pale thin lines across her stomach. She turned her gaze down to where his fingers were tracing and saw it was over her scars. "Are these all really from battle, Arri?"

She nodded back. "Yes. A slight side effect of our mixed blood is that the healing magic can't leave our skin without blemishes if the wounds are deep. I'll have a few new ones after the Circle Tower now."

His eyes widened and he spun her around gently, searching for a mark he prayed he wouldn't find. Unfortunately fate wasn't on his side for there it was: the slash of his own sword was evident across the expanse of her back. It didn't look ugly, the line just as the older ones on her stomach were, but it would serve as a permanent reminder of just how close he had come to killing her when the Blood magic had taken hold. Arria turned back before he could linger on it too long and searched his eyes, unwilling to be denied any longer. "What did you see?"

Alistair sighed deeply and held her cheek gently, needing to feel her close. Feel her safe. "I dreamt of you. Of what you suffered at his hands." Her eyes bulged but he continued before she could say anything. "I pray to the Maker what I saw was something that never happened, that my mind just decided to play cruel games with me."

"Tell me exactly what it was you saw." He went to shake his head but she grabbed his hand, unwilling to let him pull back. "You need to know how close it is to the truth, otherwise the uncertainty will drive you mad."

How she could read him so well he did not know, but she was right. Taking a deep breath for courage. "You were chained against a wall, facing it so that you couldn't see anything. The bastard was taunting you, telling you what he was going to do to you as he began to torture and use you. He let all his guards watch as it continued, eventually giving them their own turn when he had enough." The lack of response worried him. "Please tell me that isn't eve close to what happened."

Arria sighed quietly but kept her eyes locked with his own, needing him to see the truth in what she was saying even though it would be further pain for him. "Apart from the fact I was normally bound the other way so that their eyes could roam over my naked body, it's pretty close. That was one of the less cruel things he used to do."

That was it. His stomach had been fighting to keep its contents down but the knowledge that what he had seen was relatively kind in comparison to what truly had happened caused him to dash away several yards as he lost his dinner. Her heart cried out in pain that he was taking it as hard as he was, but it was further proof that he loved her. Deep inside she felt some relief at his reaction since it proved he would never do anything like that to her but was ashamed at the feeling, knowing consciously it would never happen anyway. Subconsciously it seemed her memories continued to conspire against her. Once he regained himself slightly she approached, hugging him from behind. It took all of one second for him to spin around and embrace her tightly, desperate to protect her from anything and everything that wanted to hurt her.

When they returned to the camp both knew they would not be getting anymore sleep. Arria encouraged Carou to sleep since he had been on guard duty as the two of them took over. "Es Sur siela?"

Alistair looked at her curiously. "What did that mean?"

Arria smiled at him. "Are you okay?"

He quirked his mouth slightly in reply. "Better now."

"Li en malle." She giggled at his confused expression. "I am glad."

"Any reason you are speaking to me in Nileesan?"

"Other than to enjoy your confused expressions, none at all."

Alistair pouted. "This game really isn't any fun when you have barely taught me five words of your language." A light went off in his head. "Can you start teaching me, now, tonight?"

Internally Arria cheered, Alistair having taken the direction she had hoped he would. "I thought you would never ask." By the time the dawn broke they had spent hours going over her language and he had begun to pick it up, able to just about put together a couple of sentences. When they set off for Lothering once more they were back to normal, holding hands as Alistair continued to pester her to learn more. It was one more thing which brought them closer.

* * *

The guards outside Lothering would not let the Wardens' group enter, saying the town was far too cramped and unruly to even allow them entry, especially since they were heavily armed. Deciding that it would probably be more prudent to try again after their business was complete, since the only way they were going to get in was if they offered to help, they set off for Ostagar, arriving there in the late afternoon. It was very different from how Alistair, Arria or Wynne remembered it.

A think blanket of snow had descended upon the remains of the camp and with a sad eye they surveyed what was left. Almost all of the tents had disintegrated and what few were left had collapsed under the weight of snow. Some bodies were left half buried in the white which had assaulted the landscape, keeping them perfectly preserved from the moment of their death. Footsteps were all partially obscured by newly fallen snow meaning that whatever darkspawn were around had not set foot in this area for a while. That would make their time here that much easier. Arria turned back to Elissa, seeing the question in her eyes. "I'll take you there, Lissa." The younger woman bowed her head in acknowledgement and Arria switched her attention to the oldest member of their group. "Wynne, you are free to do whatever you wish from here." A nod was her reply as she left to wander the remains of the mages' area of the camp.

The remaining four people and Carou walked over to the site of Fergus' funeral. When they got there Elissa began to brush away the snow, looking for anything which might have survived the burning and gasped as she reached the bottom to find a single silver ring. His wedding band was all that left. Tears welled up in her eyes and she broke down a few seconds later, Rod hugging her tightly as she grieved for her lost brother, family and home. The pair had done a good job of ignoring their emotions regarding how their home had been taken from them but now that Elissa was faced with the reality that she was the last surviving Cousland it had hit her hard. Internally she was slightly relieved for Fergus: the scene she had stumbled upon with her mother of finding his wife and son slain by Howe's men still haunted her and she wouldn't have wanted to tell her brother of what had befallen his family.

Arria and Alistair stepped away, leaving the younger couple to their grief as they wandered past Cailan's tent. As they wandered by it Arria caught sight of a chest. Intrigued, she settled in front of it and began to work at the lock. "Arria?" he asked as he crouched next to her, watching her work at the lock. Only a few seconds later it popped open, causing Alistair's eyes to widen. "You can pick locks too?"

She blushed slightly. "Garros was a highly skilled rogue and taught me most of his skills, lock picking being among his best."

He whistled. "I really wish I could have met that man, he sounds incredible."

Her eyes dimmed slightly. "He certainly was. They all were." Not letting herself dwell on the memories of her dead friends she opened the lid, searching delicately through the documents within. One set of papers soon held her complete attention. "Alistair, look at this."

He did so, shock soon settling in over what he saw. "These are the letters between Cailan and Celene."

"Not only that, there is a letter here from Arl Eamon. He was encouraging Cailan to find a new wife since Anora still had not conceived." It was now that a thought occurred to Arria. "Alistair, was there any specific reason that you were sent to the Chantry, rather than sent to live with another family?"

Alistair sighed, not surprised by her question. "I'm guessing it was because Templars have to take vows of celibacy. Because of that I couldn't father any more bastard children, thus making Cailan's children the only ones with royal blood."

She paused briefly, unsure of how to phrase this next question. "What about now? Technically you are now the rightful King of Ferelden by blood."

"I…I don't know. I don't want to be King, not by a long shot."

"I know that but…do you want…children?"

He could see where this was going and smiled at her reassuringly. "I can't, Arri. Grey Wardens can't have children."

Her eyes widened impossibly as her heart tore. "Wh-What?"

Alistair gasped as he realised he hadn't told her the full side effects of being a Warden. "There is a…price to pay for being a Grey Warden, Arria. The first is that you only have about thirty years to live, give or take. The second is…no children." He could see the tears forming in her eyes and he kicked himself for not having brought this up sooner. "You…wanted children?"

"Someday, yes. I don't know if I could have ever given my body to someone to allow me to conceive, but now that I know I can't…I guess it's a moot point now."

He hugged her lightly, feeling the sadness in her posture. "I'm sorry, Arria."

She sniffed slightly. "It's okay…It's just one more loss on top of everything else. I'm not even sure I'll feel this one." He knew as much as she did that was a lie but if she needed to lie to herself for the moment then he wasn't going to question it. "I have something I have to do. Wait for me here?" Alistair nodded and started looking through the other documents as Arria walked away, growling at the unfairness of it all. Hadn't she lost enough already?

Arria pushed the latest revelation out of her mind mercilessly. She couldn't think about it now: it was one half of her dream life stolen away before it could even begin. Despite wishing to curse becoming a Grey Warden she couldn't do it. Had she not become a Warden she wouldn't have Alistair now…It seemed she had unwittingly been forced to choose between someone to love her and having children. Regardless of what choice she might have made, what was done was now done.

She stopped as she came to the base where she had buried her armour all that time ago. Pushing away the stone she gasped when it was left there untouched. Picking up the sack, she clutched the contents tightly as if rediscovering an old friend. This was the right thing to do, that she knew now. Maybe she wasn't the same woman this armour was crafted for anymore, but she was someone new: someone stronger and wiser. Taking a deep breath for courage she disappeared into a secluded spot and discarded the leather armour Duncan had given her the day he freed her. She was slightly sad to be leaving it behind but now she didn't have to live in armour anymore, her old clothes were still in the sack.

It was surprising how easily the skin-tight trousers went on, but they still clung to her like a second skin as she then slipped into her ankle high boots. Enjoying the security being in her old armour gave her she discarded the breastband she had been stuck in for weeks and picked up the black sash she wore. It was several inches wide across her back and fit her womanly curves as she crossed it over her breasts and tied it behind her neck. Wearing such revealing clothes left her feeling slightly vulnerable but she wasn't going to shy away, this is who she was and she was determined to get that confidence back. Next were the plates which snapped into the specially made slots on her thighs and shins and lastly her chest armour. Snapping the armour in place at the front she sighed deeply as she absorbed being back inside it. The fit was not as snug since she still had not regained all the weight lost, but that would come with time. Looking inside she gasped as she found her old blades. The purple tinted metal shone back at her and her reflection could be seen in the light curves, the weight was just as she remembered it and when she raised them they felt just like an extension of her arm. A big smile broke out on her face as she tapped into her Song and felt her armour amplify it. She felt graceful, powerful…beautiful again. This is what she had been striving for.

As she re-entered the clearing Alistair instantly saw her and was stunned silent. She was walking with a confidence he had never seen and she was positively sparkling. The black armour hugged her body in all the right places though he did find it slightly odd to not be wearing some form of plate-skirt; no doubt another difference of the Nileesan culture. As she wandered closer he could see the thin streams of blue which swirled up and down the plate and shone slightly against the darkness. It was unlike any armour he had ever seen and was clearly made especially for her: it must have cost a fortune to make. Not only that but she looked…beautiful wasn't the right word since she always looked that…sexy. For the first time he felt a real stirring of desire for her in his groin but he banished it, knowing they were both a long, long way from that stage. When she finally stood before him she twirled, letting him see everything up close. "Well, what do you think?" she asked happily, pleased at the admiration in his eyes.

Rather than giving a verbal answer he pulled her in for a passionate kiss, glad when she kissed back with just as much passion. It was short but intense, leaving her breathless as they parted. He smirked back at her. "That a good enough answer?"

She smiled coyly. "I think you'll have to show me again."

Not willing to turn down an invitation like that, he was more than happy to indulge her.

* * *

It was about half an hour later that they came upon a sight on the bridge crossing the chasm which froze them both in their tracks. There, strung up like some sort of prize, was Cailan. His body broken and bloody, but well preserved because of the freezing temperatures. Arria felt her heart go out to the fallen King, knowing he didn't deserve this. He had been a good man, misguided and slightly naïve maybe, but he had always let his decisions be guided by his conscience and heart. If he had survived she would have willingly pledged her service to him. Glancing to her left she watched the man next to her surveying his half-brother. She wondered if the day might come when she pledged herself to Alistair instead.

"Ugh, they just left him here to rot. We need to do something," said Alistair, grimacing at the state Cailan had been left in.

"We'll find the others and ask them to help set up a pyre. Let's give him a proper send-off to the Maker," replied Arria.

Elissa and Rod were already heading over to them when the pair set off in search, Elissa saying she would find Wynne with Arria as the two men started the process of freeing Cailan's body. The mage was found burying another body completely within the snow when the younger women found her. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air between them as they began to gather wood for the pyre. When Elissa left to gather more by cutting down some trees nearby Wynne paused and approached Arria. The Nileesan woman heard but chose to ignore her, concentrating on their current task. "I owe you an apology, Warden." Arria hovered over the placement of her next branch, the only indication she had heard before she resumed. "I have never been so wrong in all my days. I hope you can find it in your heart to give me the chance to redeem myself."

She paused once more as she was about to pick up a new set of branches before sighing in defeat. Arria stood to her full height and faced Wynne, the mage surprised to not see any hatred there. "Why did you do it, Wynne? Why not ask me about it quietly?"

The shame was obvious on Wynne's face. "I wanted to expose you in front of Alistair; Elissa and Rod being there was not part of my plan but after that conversation you had I lost my temper, thinking that they didn't know you at all. It is only now that I see _I _was the one who didn't know you. I misjudged you from the moment I healed you and I cannot apologise enough for that. It never even entered my head that you had been treated that way: your injuries were not that extensive."

"There was a healer, in Howe's castle. The most severe of my wounds were always healed so that the next time he came for me I was still, as he called it, 'fresh'." From the way that Wynne paled, it seemed she had still not fully grasped the horror Arria had been subjected to. "Despite what you may think, Wynne, I do not hate you. I wish you had gone about things a different way and had, at least, opened your mind a little more, rather than judging me then and there and trying to shame me into an admission. I have learnt that life is far too short to hold onto hatred without good reason: and there is only one man on Thedas I think deserves that."

"Howe." Arria nodded sharply in reply. "Then will you allow me to redeem myself?"

She paused, thinking it over in her mind carefully. "While you may have badly overstepped the mark, you saved both Lissa's life and mine. I think those actions warrant giving you a second chance, with a clean slate." Arria held out her hand for the older woman, who looked back in wonderment. "Starting anew, this time learning each other without judgement."

Wynne chuckled as she grasped the hand offered. "A woman less than half my age shows the wisdom of someone twice my years. You have my thanks, Warden."

"Arria, Wynne. Call me Arria." The pair smiled at each other, which was what Elissa walked back into. A small smile came to her face as they turned to greet her, their grudges clearly buried. They finished building the pyre just as Rod and Alistair came bearing Cailan's body.

Once everything was ready Arria stepped up to the former King's body. "Thank you, for showing me that the world could accept me. I hope the Maker sees fit to give you back to us in the near future, for souls as noble as yours are few and far between. I swear to you, I will see Loghain pay for his betrayal and see Ferelden safe. _Tai meina, _King Cailan, _Aul illas sol haera._" She raised herself up and placed a solitary kiss to his forehead before stepping back to rejoin the others. Now that her heritage was common knowledge she could follow the customs of her people publically.

As Arria left her place was taken by Alistair. He felt slightly at a loss for what to say, but he felt he should make an effort. "I always thought you were an immature fool, but I guess I'm not much better when I look back at it." Alistair chuckled quietly as he looked upon his half-brother's face, for the first time seeing that they weren't so different. "I always thought I was better than you: less pompous, funnier, more responsible…Now that I am in a position of responsibility I can see the burden you bore, and I'm sure it is only a fraction of what you had to deal with as King. All of it was a front, I am sorry that I didn't see it before. Maybe we could have got on well were circumstances different." His eyes drifted back to Arria briefly before he faced Cailan again. "Thank you, for starting her healing. Loghain will pay for what he has done, this I swear. Ferelden will be saved from this Blight, and the sacrifice of you and the Wardens will not be in vain." Alistair crossed a single arm over his chest and bowed his head. "May the Maker watch over you…brother."

Alistair stepped back, next to Arria and held her hand as Elissa launched a single flaming arrow at the pyre. The flames rose up and Arria sang quietly, trying not to disturb the thoughts of the others as they watched the former King of Ferelden be sent on his journey to the Maker. He would not be the last to fall to this Blight, but all those present were determined that his sacrifice, just as all the others, would not be in vain. Both Wardens watched with intently, before facing each other and making a silent declaration.

They would end this Blight or die trying.

* * *

Phew, latest chapter done. You know the drill, please read and review! Hopefully I'll manage to get one more chapter done this month but no promises. Until next time!

_Translations_

_Li as annura – _I don't know

_Sur fennas – _You stay

_Li seles tallie het, anntellus – _I'll talk to him, don't worry

_Tai meina_ – Thank you

_Aul illas sol haera – _Till we meet again

Negative Angel


	20. The Living, Dead, and Those Between

Hi everyone, that's me back in business. Now that exams are behind me, my regular schedule should be good to go again. Special thanks to **Melysande, Musicalrain, Eve Hawke **and **Kid-X **for reviewing the last chapter. Let's hit 100 this time! If we do I'll make sure my next update is a double!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

Time to wrap up Ostagar. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 19: The Living, Dead, and Those Between**

Night had descended quickly, bringing with it an eeriness which had everyone on edge. Nobody was truly comfortable sleeping in a place which had seen so much death and destruction, but neither could they venture back to Lothering under darkness. Elissa and Rod were quietly talking between themselves as Wynne stared intensely into the fire. Her thoughts swam with the events of the past days, from the events at the Circle Tower to the confrontation between herself and Arria, and finally to tonight, where she had been given a second chance. Despite her focus on the flames before her she could feel Alistair's intense gaze: it seemed the male Warden was yet to forgive her. That was unsurprising, and no less than she deserved given what she had done; how Arria had forgiven her was a mystery. Thoughts of the young woman caused Wynne's heart to ache. Through all the horrors she had endured and seen, she was still a kind soul: ferocious and deadly should you cross her, but noble none the less. Her respect for her had shot upwards that night and Wynne was now just waiting for the right time to ask her about her secret. Perhaps she knew something about her situation.

Alistair ceased in staring at Wynne and looked to the entrance of their camp for the umpteenth time in the past hour. Arria had left straight after Cailan's funeral, saying that she had to be alone for a while, and Alistair had seen her emotions were very close to the surface. Seeing she needed the space he had let her go, but that was nearly two hours ago. Ostagar itself was not that big, there were not many places she could have gone but there was still plenty danger about. His senses had been warning him for about half an hour that darkspawn were getting nearer: not close enough to pose an immediate threat, but there all the same. His patience was finally at its end. Standing up sharply he gathered his shield and sword. Elissa and Rod both turned to face him as he stood. "I'm going to look for Arria, it's not safe for her to have been alone this long. I'll be back soon." The pair nodded at him as he left, picking up a torch to light his way in the dark.

After their previous stay here he knew the area well, following her footprints in the snow as it led across the bridge, toward the Tower of Ishal. At the other side he could see Carou, their ever faithful Mabari standing guard at the base of the tower. He barked at Alistair as he approached and bounded up to him. The male Warden chuckled and petted him as requested. "Hey boy, you know where Arria is?" A single bark was his response. "Can you take me to her?" Carou looked upwards and Alistair followed his gaze, seeing a reflection of flames from the top floor. Guessing at what might be on her mind he started his ascent, bracing himself for a conversation which could be painful for both of them.

* * *

When Alistair reached the top, with Carou right behind, he found Arria staring at the beacon, deep in thought. Looking to his right he could see the corpse of the ogre they had defeated together, frozen in preservation, the last remnant of their first fight together as Wardens. The first of their many close shaves. The Tower of Ishal, the Battle of Redcliffe, Uldred, their return to Redcliffe…so many times one or both of them had cheated death through each other's skills, luck or their allies. In just under three weeks so much had happened, it left him wondering just how much more they would have to face before their journey was finished. As yet, all they had achieved was to gain the support of the Templars and what little mages remained. It was a long road ahead.

"They weren't the only ones to die here." Arria's soft voice brought Alistair's attention back to her and he came to a stop a few paces behind her, letting her speak her mind as Carou settled at the top of the stairs, making sure to warn the Wardens of anyone approaching. "Cailan, Fergus, Duncan. It was more than just them who died. There were all of Cailan's soldiers, the mages, the Wardens…and me, to some degree. When I hit the ground, I was more than ready to die, to be free of the fear and pain which had consumed my life for more than a year. It seemed to be all I would ever know from that point on. I wanted nothing more than to join my family, to be free of this world and all the evils in it. Now, coming back here, I think I did die, at least partially." She slowly faced him, both of their faces impassive, masking their true emotions churning inside. "What do you think?"

Alistair waited a few seconds before answering. "When I first met you, I thought you were a strong woman who would not hesitate to cut down anyone who crossed her. After you took the Joining, when Duncan showed me that all of that was a front, I was fearful that the wrong move might break you beyond all healing. When we fought in the Korcari Wilds, I saw your true pain: what you had endured. It was then I realised your true strength. Even now, I don't know how you live the way you do, with confidence and kindness when you were treated as you were." He could see the doubt in her eyes. "You do have confidence again, Arria. You wouldn't be able to see it yourself, but you can't see the difference within you from our first meeting to now. After this place…I think you gained the courage and determination you needed to fight, to live again. There was a purpose for you again, rather than just to suffer misfortune. I think you are right, a piece of you did die here, but you are so much better for it."

Arria smiled slightly and looked out the window. "I miss her, the woman I used to be, before Merlinne fell." A thought struck her and she raised an eyebrow. "Though looking back on it, I don't think I was a woman then, nor was I quite a girl. I was caught somewhere between. I had the responsibilities and mentality of a woman, but the experience and naivety of a girl. When Duncan found me I was more like a child, cowering within herself and waiting for the next tragic event to sweep away all that was left of her. Now…" she turned back to Alistair, a soft smile on her face as her eyes reflected an inner peace, "I am finally a woman. I won't let things simply happen to me anymore, and I am going to fight with all I am to see my course through."

He smiled gently back at her and closed the distance between them, caressing her cheek as he kissed her lightly. It was over far too quick for either of their tastes, but there were things which still needed saying. "Are you all right? After discovering the full side effects of becoming a Warden…"

Her eyes shadowed slightly and her smile turned sad. "Like I said before, one more layer of hurt is something I am hardly going to notice." His raised eyebrow indicated that he didn't believe her. She sighed before amending her original statement. "It hasn't hit me yet. When it does, I know it is going to hurt."

"Do you wish that you hadn't become a Warden?"

He was surprised when she shook her head without hesitation. "I was someone without home or purpose, and the Wardens have given both of them back to me. Besides, if I hadn't become a Warden, I wouldn't have you. What is done, is done, and while I may wish for some things which are now lost to me, I wouldn't change things from how they are now." Her heart melted at the smile he gave her and this time neither of them felt like breaking the kiss they found themselves in.

Soon air became a necessity and they broke apart, Alistair's eyes asking the question that brought him to her. "What are you doing up here?"

"I just couldn't stop asking the question of why I had survived. Three times I should have died, and somehow I lived. Why couldn't some of this dumb luck I have pass onto those who died here? Cailan, Fergus, Duncan…None of them deserved to die."

"Well I think it might have done, because I've made it this far too."

She laughed lightly. "I think you're right. We should probably head back, I imagine the others have been wondering where I am."

Alistair nodded and the pair set off hand-in-hand for their camp with Carou in tow, unaware of the danger about to claim them.

* * *

As they emerged from the bottom of the tower, both their senses kicked in and they felt the threat before they could see it. Darkspawn. A lot of them, and they were heading straight for them. Realising they would not make it back across the bridge in time, Alistair drew his weapon and shield as Arria shouted to Carou. "_Carou,_ _ali melle!" _The dog nodded sharply before sprinting towards their camp.

"Where did you send him?" asked Alistair as Arria pulled forth her blades.

"To get help, we can't defeat all of these darkspawn ourselves. I'd rather not involve them but we have little choice, we'll just have to last until they reach us." Alistair nodded as he noticed the lyrium infusions in her armour shine brighter. "My armour will amplify my abilities, hopefully that will swing things in our favour." The first of the darkspawn raced towards them from the hill, and it was now that Arria thought of something. "Sod it, it's worth a shot!" She shouted and swung her blades fiercely while channelling her Spirit magic, elated when the magic struck the darkspawn and threw them back. "Looks like my little power boost means I can use magic for physical damage now."

"Fancy knocking down a few more then?" he suggested as another wave came over the crest of the hill. Now that they were close enough he could sense there was around sixty of them, mostly Hurlocks and Genlocks but there were a couple of Emissaries. Arria's magic was knocking down a few at a time but it wasn't doing much damage, most of the darkspawn climbing back to their feet after a few seconds. He swore as more appeared, too many for Arria to throw back. Knowing they were out of time to stall Arria ceased using her magic and the pair threw themselves straight into the heart of the group. They ducked and weaved between strikes while slashing with their own blades, cutting down the group steadily.

It was about a minute later that an arrow whizzing over her head that Arria realised reinforcements had arrived. Rod shouted to try and gain the attention of some darkspawn as Carou rushed in to intercept a Hurlock who nearly stabbed Alistair. The horde split up and some rushed to Rod, giving Alistair and Arria to cut down those who were caught between the Wardens and the knight. Elissa continued to fire arrows from further back with deadly accuracy as Wynne immobilised many of them with her magic, freezing some and encasing other in stone. Alistair ducked at Arria's prompting, allowing her to leap and launch a spinning dervish, kicks and slashed combined to bring down several darkspawn before she then ducked and allowed Alistair to finish them off with a swing of him own. The number were dwindling, but then the real danger arrived in the form of three Emissaries. With less darkspawn to combat Arria managed to see them just in time to realise they were about to launch simultaneous attacks. Knowing there was nowhere they could run, she shoved Alistair away just before they fired, leaving him out of harm's reach but her vulnerable as two fire blasts and one streak of lighting hit the ground only a few feet away.

Alistair raised his shield to defend from the heat and could only watch as Arria was blasted backwards with seven darkspawn. The darkspawn hit the ground dead as Arria smacked into a low wall, cracking her head and knocking her unconscious. Knowing they had to get out of range of the Emissaries, Alistair ran to Arria and gathered her up, hiding both of them behind one of the few intact walls of a former spire, shielding them from view.

Carou bounced away as Rod dived for cover when two more fire blasts soared over his head, missing him but landing very close to Elissa. The young woman was thrown backwards and landed awkwardly, snapping her bow. She looked on horrified as she realised her primary weapon was now useless. Drawing a single knife from her belt she threw it, pleased when it struck one of the Emissaries in the head, killing it. Rod got back to his feet just in time to strike out at another wave of Hurlocks, jumping back from their wild swings and charging back in while they attempted to regain their balance. He managed to down six this way before one got smart to his tactic, swinging its blade back as Rod launched his own attack. The knight managed to fell the darkspawn with his precise strike, but at a terrible cost. The blade was now lodged in his stomach but before he could attempt to pull it free he was struck by a fire blast straight into his chest, hurtling him back over several walls and out of view. "_Rod!" _shouted Elissa as she ran towards where he had fallen, picking up a sword en route to attempt to defend him. Wynne fired another freezing burst towards the Emissaries, freezing one and dazing the other as the young woman ran through the fray.

Alistair placed Arria down behind him, relieved as he noticed her starting to stir. His relief was short lived though as a flurry of arrows came hurtling towards them. He ducked but not quite quick enough as two lodged in his right shoulder. He shouted in pain, dropping his sword as his arm now hung limply at his side. Arria awoke just in time to see him raise his shield in a desperate attempt to fend off the onslaught. She made to stand but screeched as a lancing pain shot up her leg, preventing her from returning to her feet. A deathly shriek from several of the Genlocks signalled Carou's aid and Arria threw one of her blades to bring down another. The two Wardens shared a heavy look: with Alistair reduced to one arm and Arria unable to stand, they wouldn't survive this fight without a miracle.

That miracle came in the form of a blinding light off to their left. The brightness caught everything's attention and Arria recognised the change in the air around her. Realising what was about to happen she pushed herself up on one arm as she used the other to yank out the arrows from Alistair's back. The resulting screech made her stomach turn but relief soon arrived in the shockwave which rippled through the area. Arria felt the strength return to her legs and flipped back to her feet, racing at the darkspawn before they could realise what was going on. Alistair was shocked as the pain which had clouded his vision cleared but picked up his sword and joined Arria in her charge without stopping to question it. The two Wardens with Carou brought down all the darkspawn they could see before Arria turned her magic to the remaining Emissary, hurtling a wave of his Spirit magic at it and dazing it before Alistair dealt the killing blow. Carou ripped out the throats of three more darkspawn before Arria threw her daggers, felling the last two.

A quick look at their surroundings and a scan with their senses signalled that was the end of the onslaught. The pair looked at each other significantly, more than relieved to find they were still standing when a pained cry from Elissa caught their attention. "_Wynne!_" They looked at the healer, who was already rushing over the where the cry had originated from. The trio rushed towards Elissa's tearful sobs, shocked at what they found. Rod was partially buried under some bricks from the ruined wall he had been thrown through, the darkspawn blade still in his stomach as the snow around him was dyed red with blood. The contrast was shocking and the Wardens began helping Elissa to dig him out from beneath the rubble. Once that was done, Alistair stepped forward and looked at the sword carefully before pulling it out in one swift move, trying not to inflict any other injuries. Now that he was freed Elissa gathered his head and shoulders onto her lap as Wynne began to heal him. Arria watched silently at Alistair's side, the only one there who knew just how fortunate Rod was. Had that healing shockwave not burst through and healed them, he would have already been dead by the time they had reached him.

It did not take long for Wynne to finish healing him, the most severe of his internal injuries already dealt with, though Elissa and Alistair were oblivious to that fact. Elissa turned tear-filled eyes to Wynne as she finished, the older woman giving her a gentle smile in response. "Rest easy, child, he will be fine." She spluttered out a short laugh and held him tightly, unnerved by just how close she had come to losing him. All of them were unsettled with how badly that battle had gone, but only two of them knew just how the battle had been turned in their favour.

"Does anybody know what that light was? It came from your direction, Wynne," stated Alistair, hoping for some clarification on what had happened.

She smiled in response but Arria could see the slight panic in her eyes before she answered. "Just a hidden talent of mine, my lad. I won't be able to use that trick often, but it will be a great help should a situation like that ever arise again."

"Well, whatever it was, it saved our lives. Arria and I would have been goners were it not for that."

"What happened to the two of you? I saw you get hit Arria but I kind of lost track of things after that," asked Elissa.

"Alistair had taken two arrows to his back and I had done something to my leg, preventing me from standing. With him reduced to just his shield arm and me unable to move, we were sitting ducks." She faced the oldest member of their group. "How long until Rod wakes up?"

"A few minutes I would imagine, his injuries were of a similar gravity to your back at Kinloch Hold."

She nodded before speaking again. "In that case, may I speak to you for a moment, Wynne? Alone." Alistair was bemused as to why Arria would want to speak to Wynne, but at her meaningful gaze he nodded, confirming he would not interfere. Arria smiled slightly at him and pecked his cheek before she left with Wynne for the bridge, making sure en route she could not sense any more darkspawn. Once she was sure they were alone Arria faced Wynne, understanding in her eyes. "Wynne, I know what you did. How long have you been a Vessel?"

Wynne smiled sadly at the female Warden. "I did wonder if your heritage meant that you knew anything of my situation. Were Vessels common in Nileesa?"

"No, they weren't, but they were not unknown either. I knew a Vessel in Merlinne, she was a lovely old shopkeeper, a spirit having taken over her after a mercy mission had taken a turn for the worst. We believe it was a spirit of Compassion which inhabited her, having guided her way through life and almost feeling some responsibility for what had happened."

Wynne nodded. "They were accepted?"

"Accepted was maybe the wrong word. Acknowledged maybe? It depended which spirit inhabited them as to whether they could still live a normal life or not. Most were thought of no differently, but those who were taken by spirits of Justice were feared."

"How so?"

"Those spirits have a strong moral compass, almost too strong. If they believe in something strong enough, they will follow through to see those who are guilty punished and damn the consequences. More often than not, other innocents were harmed as they sought their charge."

"I can see why they would be feared, but others were not so?"

"No, most spirits do not impact upon other's lives, only entering their bodies to give them a second chance at life or explore a world they cannot live in on their own. Spirits can be extremely curious, but those normally emerge in children."

"That would make sense. In answer to your earlier question, I became a Vessel very recently. Do you remember back at the Tower, when I encountered yourself, Alistair and Leliana, that Petra expressed concern with my joining you because of my injuries?"

"Yes?" Arria had the feeling she knew where this was going.

"Well, I was not injured to the point of near-death, as all those there believe. I gave everything to defend the children from those abominations. I felt my life slip away, my journey towards the Maker himself beginning before a gentle voice called out to me. Then, it was as if this…presence enveloped my soul. It stopped me from moving on, calling me back to purpose and living again. Petra healed me soon after, and here we are."

"You feared to reveal what had happened just in case you were classed as an Abomination too," stated Arria, understanding the older woman's fears of not being accepted well.

"Yes…tell me, this woman you knew, how long was she a Vessel for?"

"She had been a Vessel for nearly fifteen years upon her death, but she never used the power of the spirit like you just did."

"I did feel the spirit weaken as I used its power. Already I feel as if I have shortened what little time I have remaining. Can you tell me how long it will last?"

Arria shook her head. "I may know a bit, but I cannot tell you that, I'm sorry Wynne. Are you sure you would want to accompany us? The strain of this journey may mean you could deplete the spirit's energy and kill yourself before we reach the end."

Wynne smiled gently at her, amazed that she was still concerned for her well-being after what had transpired between them. "I would rather this than sitting waiting for my end, Arria. I think you more than anyone could empathise with that."

Arria chuckled. "Yes, that I can." Carou bounded up to them a few seconds later, barking excitedly. The two women watched him as he ran off again, running around the trio which emerged from the stone structures. Rod was awake, but needed support walking from both Alistair and Elissa. "Rod! How are you?"

He coughed slightly before replying. "I feel physically fine, apart from being slightly winded. I thought that was the end of me."

The female Warden looked at Wynne meaningfully. "It was very nearly the end of us all." Wynne blushed slightly in response and Alistair regarded both of them curiously. It seemed Arria knew more than she was letting on. "Come on, let's head back to the camp. We will all need the warmth of the fire."

* * *

It had been roughly an hour since their near miss and everyone had been silent, keeping their thoughts to themselves as they absorbed what had happened. Wynne had dozed off briefly, the physical exertion from summoning the spirit having drained her of almost all her energy but was now awake again while Rod was holding Elissa close. The young woman hadn't been further than touching distance since he had awoken but he wasn't complaining. Both were coming to terms with the feelings associated with having been on the other side of the fence: Elissa had nearly died in Redcliffe and Rod now…they both wondered how many close calls they would have before their luck ran out. Carou was at his mistress' feet, keeping a constant guard over her and her male counterpart. Neither had said a word to each other since they arrived back at camp but had instead shared all their emotions with touch and looks. They had shared a single passionate kiss to release all their concerns and relief, but since then they had not done much more than look at each other. They had always conveyed so much through their eyes, and it was still a comforting method of communication when things were tough. It wasn't long though before Alistair broke their gaze and broke the silence between them. "I thought that was it…and I know you thought so too."

Arria nodded sadly. "I can't believe we were that close to falling…A bit of a stark reminder that we could die anytime. We'll have to be more vigilant from now on."

"Yes, but also we will need to hone our skills. Those darkspawn weren't even tough, it was the sheer numbers that nearly defeated us, and we'll need to get stronger to make sure that doesn't happen again. I seem to remember you saying that you would train me." Arria's eyes widened. "What better time than to start now?"

"You sure? This isn't going to be easy to start with."

"I'm sure. After that close call, I don't want to waste any more time."

Arria smiled at him as she stood, stepping back to an open space as Carou perked up, keen to watch the two Wardens fight. Their change of positions caught the attention of Rod, Elissa and Wynne too, curious as to what they would see. "Okay, firstly, I think we should probably fight with no weapons. There is more to combat than just the weapons. Dancers and Artists are firstly trained with no blades, and when they are added, it becomes just an extension to your body. Oh, and that's another thing you might find alien, Alistair. When I do eventually train you, it'll be without your shield." He raised an eyebrow. "I'm training you as an Artist, not a Guardian. When we spar we can go at it as normal but if I'm teaching you my art, you are going to be learning with just your sword."

Alistair paused for a couple of seconds, milling it over in his mind before he sighed and dropped both his shield and sword. "Okay, if you say so." Arria smiled and threw both of her blades away before peeling away her chest and leg armour. "Um…Arri, what are you doing?"

"My armour gives me an advantage, and you are going to struggle enough with me just in my basic form for now." He looked decidedly unimpressed at that comment. "Trust me, this is going to be tough enough."

He growled under his breath slightly, wondering if she had forgotten when he hand managed to get the upper hand in their hand-to-hand when she was a mess a couple of days ago before he crossed his arms. "All right, so what do you want me to do?"

"Hit me."

That stunned him silent for a few seconds. "Come again?"

"Hit me. If you can do that, I'll be impressed."

Alistair was just a little confused but soon sighed explosively before he prepared himself. "Here goes nothing." He ran at her and swung a fist out, but she neatly side-stepped it and spun away, smacking the back of her hand off his head as she dodged. Alistair turned around to see her with her arms folded and a smirk on her face. _Oh she's going to get it now. _He punched several times, Arria dodging them all easy, waiting for when he lost his patience. That moment soon came and when he swung out too fiercely, she ducked and launched forward, kneeing him in the stomach. Alistair stumbled back and glared at Arria, who simply winked at him. That shot his annoyance up a couple of levels and he went to punch again, but this time she did something different. She caught his fist and twisted it backwards as she placed a foot to that Alistair's own momentum would send him tumbling. Without his other arm to balance himself, the male Warden fell to the ground rather theatrically. Elissa giggled slightly off at the side as Rod sniggered. Wynne shook her head sympathetically, but the smile on her face gave away that she found the situation amusing. Carou barked happily but Alistair couldn't tell if that was to mock him or cheering on Arria.

Having enough of getting his ass handed to him, Alistair changed tactics, attempting a sideways kick as he got close enough but he was far too slow. Arria raised her own leg, allowing her shin to take the brunt of the blow before kicking the same leg upwards, throwing Alistair's own leg back . He just about steadied his own balance before he tried to punch her again. Arria neatly dodged all of them, finally flipping backwards and handspringing away because she was bored. "This is painful to watch…" she muttered to herself before she noticed Alistair ready to make another attack. Finally out of patience, she waited until he was closer before she mounted a rock and leapt off it and above him. Alistair could only watch as Arria coiled her legs around his shoulders and used her own momentum to flip around, taking Alistair with her. The male Warden crashed to the ground at speed and was left winded as Arria landed delicately. Elissa struggled to hold in her laughter as Rod winced in sympathy. Wynne raised an eyebrow, impressed at her skills but felt sorry for Alistair, that had been more than a little embarrassing.

Alistair spluttered and rolled onto his back before Arria crouched next to him and leant over. "Like I said, this is tough enough for you now." He wanted to snarl back at her but couldn't help but agree, at present he couldn't even touch her. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment slightly but Arria's cheeky smile changed to an encouraging one as she kissed him lightly. "It'll come with time. I did worse than that my first time believe it or not. So when you see where I am now…" Arria winked at him as she stood again. "You'll do fine."

As Arria wandered off Alistair sat up totally confused. Evidently she had seen something in that pathetic display which warranted training. He had no idea what it might be but he'd take it. If he could get anywhere near Arria's standard then all the blood, sweat and training would be worth it. Skills like that might make the difference between success and failure.

* * *

Later that night, Arria had left to try and get some sleep in their tent but when Alistair joined her about an hour later she was still awake. "Hey, can't sleep?"

She turned around and smiled as he kissed her, loving the feeling on his lips on hers. It was something she was sure she would never tire of. "Just a lot going through my head. This place has stirred a lot of thoughts and memories."

"Such as?"

Arria sighed, not sure whether she should reveal all but Alistair deserved to know the truth, there were some things she couldn't avoid telling him forever. "The Wardens were massacred here. Remembering that made me think of home, of the last time I saw my family."

Alistair watched her carefully, knowing that her friends were still a painful subject for her but hoped that she might be a little more willing to open up about them now. "What were you thinking?"

"Of what I felt at the time, how each time I saw them leave I knew it might be the last time. Of memories I shared with them, and of how they all shaped me in some way…"

"Like what?"

"Lira taught me kindness though she taught me when to show it and when to take a stand. Ron showed me the merits and dangers of magic, as well as how to deal with the Tevinters. Garros raised me, gave me my skills and my morals, as well as protecting me, all the way to his death. Tomerre…he was my greatest rival, and later my best friend. We learned a lot from each other. And he…" Arria paused, looking Alistair in the eye as she finished. "He was the first person I ever fell for."

Alistair's eyes widened. "You fell in love with him?"

"I used to think I had, but now I think it was naivety on my part to think it was love. There was definitely something deeper, but I'd never wanted to risk our friendship just in case I was wrong that he might feel the same way. His confidence was fragile, so fragile that the wrong move could break him. Of all the things he taught me, it was how to portray confidence when you are at your most vulnerable that has served me best. He showed me how to find strength at your darkest hour. Had he not show me that…I may have killed myself after Merlinne fell."

He was silent for a few seconds as he absorbed the revelation. "Arria…I know I probably shouldn't ask this, but had he still been alive, do you think we might ever have been?"

Arria smiled reassuringly at him, thinking this question might have come up. "Merre might have been my best friend, but pretty much from the moment I realised I cared for you as I did, I have known it is something deeper. I might not be there yet, but I think I'm getting there."

"Be where yet?"

She blushed as she looked down slightly. "Falling in love with you. I want to, but I think my head and heart both have a lot of healing to do before I can give myself over completely."

Alistair beamed. "You do? You really do?"

He almost looked like a kid being given their dream gift. "Yes, and I hope the day that I can say it to you with all my heart is nearing." His eyes were alight with joy as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss, wanting to be as close to her as was physically possible with their nearness. Arria was almost intoxicating and he felt like he could lose himself entirely within their kisses.

When they pulled away he moved back slightly, not letting her feel the effect her kisses were having on him. Regardless of how much she may trust and care for him, his reaction would scare her with all she had been through. "So, while we are on the subject, anyone else you want to tell me about from back home?"

"Um…well actually there is one." Alistair raised an eyebrow. "You will probably laugh at this one, because I almost did."

"Really?"

"Well, there was someone else who had asked for me, but I turned him down because I wanted to see if anything developed between myself and Merre. He was, well…the youngest King of Nileesa."

That stunned Alistair temporarily silent. "You turned down the King of Nileesa?"

"One of. And yes…Garros teased me endlessly about it. He was protector to the King, and Mallos asked him for permission to ask after me. Garros laughed him off and said I would make up my mind, whether he approved or not didn't matter."

Alistair chuckled, knowing all too well himself that Arria would speak her mind, even when it wasn't proper to do so. "So what did you find funny about it?"

"I turned down a King, then fell for a man who technically is the rightful King of Ferelden. Funny isn't it?"

Alistair couldn't help but laugh. "When you put it like that, I suppose it is."

The mention of his true birth soon sobered him, Arria noticing the change in his mood and empathising. "Would you ever do it? Become King?" Alistair's eyes took on a panicked look but she continued quickly. "I know you don't want to, and I don't really want you to either, but if it was what needed to be done, would you? If it was the only realistic chance we had of ending the Blight?"

He sighed, desperate to find a way to change the subject but Arria's firm gaze stopped him from doing so. "I'd make a terrible King."

Her eyes softened slightly. "Maybe not. You may not have the politics associated with it nailed, but your heart is in the right place. And I would always take a King with a true and noble heart over one with a sliver tongue who can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk."

Alistair felt his heart lighten slightly at that. "Thanks, Arria. If I had to, I guess I could do it but to be honest I would rather fight the Archdemon solo and without a weapon."

"While wearing a dress and dancing the Remigold?"

He burst out laughing. "You want to see that happen now, don't you?"

"It would certainly be a sight," she said with a wink. Their banter came to a swift end as their senses kicked in. "You feel that?" Her voice came out with a slight tremor.

"The darkspawn, it must be the main horde."

"The number of them I'm feeling is terrifying."

"I don't dare hazard a guess at how many of them there are."

"How come we are feeling them now when we didn't before? It doesn't feel like they are on the move."

"Maybe the Archdemon is talking to them."

"If the Archdemon is speaking to them then it won't be too long before they begin moving on from this place."

"Unfortunately I think you are right. So what do we do?"

"We'll have to warn Lothering. The people need to evacuate."

"But where will they go?"

"Redcliffe and Denerim. Redcliffe is decimated so a boost in population will probably help them and Denerim should have the space to cope. The minute it is light enough we head back to Lothering."

"Agreed. I almost wish we had more time here though, we might have found Duncan."

Arria's eyes softened and she stroked his cheek. "If Duncan is here then we will find him when we return. He would have wanted us to make sure we defeat this Blight, and if we remain here then we risk being overwhelmed."

Alistair nodded, knowing she was right. The two of them stayed wrapped around each other for the rest of the night, but finding no sleep as their senses were fixed firmly on the horde. Feeling the sheer numbers present, the enormity of the task before them hit the pair hard. This is what they had to defeat.

They were two lone Wardens, what hope did they have? The odds were definitely stacked against them, but they would succeed. They had to.

* * *

Sorry it's taken me so long but I am officially back up and running. Please leave me your thoughts and I'll see you all next time!

Negative Angel


	21. Destruction

That's it! 100 reviews :D Thank you guys so much, and as promised here is my double update. Special thanks to **Melysande, urthlvr, Kid-X **and **Eve Hawke. **You guys are amazing.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

Part 1 of my double begins now!

* * *

**Chapter 20: Destruction**

The group wasted no time in departing from the ruins, having picked up both Bodahn and Sandal on their way out. The dwarf had chosen to camp a slight distance away, luckily for the group as it meant they had not feared for their safety in the attack the night before. As soon as first light broke through night's grasp they set off, their pace urgent. Both Wardens had warned their companions of the Archdemon's communication the night before and the decision was unanimous to head back to Lothering as quick as their feet would carry them. If the darkspawn horde were to reach the town before they could complete an evacuation…the death toll would be catastrophic.

En route back, Rod and Elissa noticed both Alistair and Arria were silent, but it was not the awkward silence of a couple of days ago. This time it seemed they were acutely aware of each other's movements, but their concentration was fixed on something different. Intrigued to see just how much of their concentration was on their current situation, Elissa threw one of her knives just in range for Arria to catch should she notice it, if not it would land on the ground beside her. Both she and Rod were shocked when the Dancer not only caught the blade, but spun it around and threw it back to precisely where Elissa was standing, without having turned around herself. The young couple shared an amazed glance briefly before Alistair spoke. "We are not distracted, if that is what you are wondering."

"Then what is it you are doing?" asked Rod, slightly unnerved as both Wardens turned to speak to them but their gaze seemed elsewhere: seeing something far in the distance.

"Keeping an eye on the darkspawn."

Elissa gaped. "You can see them?"

"Seeing them is not an accurate description," answered Arria. "More that we can sense their movements." Since they had gained a sensing of the horde the night before, both Alistair and Arria had clung onto that sensation, unwilling to lose their only method of tracking the darkspawn's movements.

"You can split your concentration like that?"

"Alistair only showed me how last night, after we began feeling them. It is more than a little strange."

"Wow, I had no idea becoming a Warden meant you could do that," said Rod in amazement.

"There's a lot about being a Warden you don't find out till after you've made your choice, and not all of it is pleasant." Arria spun around and continued on ahead, leaving the rest behind them.

Rod and Elissa both looked at her dumbfounded while Alistair dragged a hand down his face: it looked like the news had finally hit her, and she was hurting inside. Wynne approached the group and noticed the difference in looks, Rod and Elissa confused while Alistair appeared sorrowful. "Has something happened?" she asked, hoping there was not any tension arising between them.

"I don't know. Alistair, what was that all about?" inquired Elissa, shocked at the sudden change in Arria.

Alistair sighed deeply and watched Arria's departing form sadly. "Arria didn't join the Wardens out of choice, as all of you know. She wasn't told all of the side effects, and I now wish I had seen it sooner."

"What do you mean? What side effects?"

"The first is that you have a reduced lifespan, thirty years give or take. That is, if the darkspawn don't kill you first. Survive them, and the Taint slowly begins to take hold within you. As Wardens reach the end they start to become more darkspawn than anything. Eventually your body gives in, or what most Wardens did was go to the Deep Roads and kill as many darkspawn as they could."

"How cheery," muttered Rod. Both women couldn't help but agree.

"What else?" continued Elissa.

"The second…and I'm sure this is what is paining Arria more than anything, is…is-" Alistair stopped to steady himself briefly. He had never really thought on this side of this till he and Arria had begun their relationship, but now that they were together he couldn't help but wonder what it was that they were missing out on. "Grey Wardens can never have children." Elissa gasped while Wynne's eyes shadowed, unwanted memories surfacing of years ago in the Tower.

"Poor Arria…" whispered Elissa, feeling for her best friend. While she and Rod had never discussed such things, she hoped they would have children someday. To have that stolen away before even having the chance to try…She could not imagine the heartache.

Alistair left the three of them as he continued on, surprised when Carou appeared beside him. "Hey boy, why are you here with me? Shouldn't you be with Arria?" Carou whimpered back at him. "She is okay, right?" He received one bark in response. "I'll take that as a yes. So why are you here?" The Mabari looked at him hard. "Unlike Arria, I can't read your mind, boy." He whimpered again while watching Alistair. The male Warden sighed explosively and ignored the dog, it wouldn't be long before they were back in Lothering, though he would have to ask Arria how she knew what Carou was saying. It seemed the dog could see more than they could.

* * *

Arria sat on the hills overlooking Lothering, fiddling with her Warden's Oath. She had been a mess of emotions this morning, compounded by her split concentration on their current task and watching the darkspawn. As they approached the town the feelings had grown steadily weaker, no doubt because they were increasing the distance between themselves and the horde, but with her attention returning to her surroundings its offered little distraction from the thoughts which had consumed her. When she had awoken it had been with a dark cloud over her head and a deep ache in her heart. For the first time in over a year, she had dreamt without a painful memory or a nightmare tainting her sleep, but when she had awoken it had been more painful than almost anything she had ever seen.

She had dreamt of a future, a future in which she had children. A beautiful little girl with her blue eyes and long amber hair, a cheeky smile plastered on her face as her eyes twinkled with joy and a little boy, hazel eyes concealing a maturity beyond his years with chestnut hair tied back to allow him complete sight. They had played together, the three of them in elation until their father had walked in on them, the pair racing off to embrace him as Arria laughed. Her eyes had fallen to her ring finger on her left hand: an engagement ring and wedding band had sparkled back at her before she looked up at her husband. His eyes had shone with such love that she almost felt like melting as he embraced and kissed her. It had been such a relaxed family atmosphere and it was everything she had dreamed of achieving. At Kinloch Hold the Sloth Demon had fabricated a reality which gave her a taste of it, and when she emerged from that she felt violated that it had played upon her wants, but it was not so much of a wound as it was now. Back then, she still had the faintest hope that she might meet the child she had imagined carrying. This time, however, there was no hope left. And that had torn at her heart as the vision had faded, bringing her back to consciousness with a painful crash as reality set it. She couldn't have a family, her new charge had seen to that, and had she been given the choice, she did not know how she would have chosen now.

Her fingers danced around the vial of darkspawn blood which hung around her neck. As much as she wanted to curse becoming a Grey Warden because of what it had stolen from her, she could not bring herself to do so. Duncan had saved her from Howe's clutches, taking the Joining had given her companionship and a purpose again after all that had fallen with Nileesa, she had met new friends who had given her confidence again; but most of all, it had given her a man who meant more to her than anything in this world. Arria didn't know how or why she had fallen so hard, nor was she sure how she could trust a man like that after Howe's tortures, but somehow Alistair had won her heart, showed her that not all men viewed her as a prize to be plundered, and that despite everything, she was still beautiful. She could not help but think she had not thanked him enough for all that he had done.

A rustling from the tress behind signalled to Arria she was no longer alone but she felt Carou's reassuring aura just as he bounded up to her. She laughed as he nuzzled her face and scratched his ear. "_Haira, Carou. Sur es cassa?" _He started licking her while scraping at her feet. _"Sur es mucer laressus," _she laughed as he stopped and collapsed, resting his head on her lap. Arria smiled and petted him affectionately before peppering his muzzle with kisses.

"I caught bits and pieces of that, but not much." Her smiled broadened as Alistair came to settle beside her, his hand entwining with her own as he greeted her with a quick kiss to her cheek.

"What did you understand?" This would be a good chance to see how much he had absorbed of the Nileesan language.

"Well you said hello and asked him if he was all right. After that all I got was 'you', 'are' and what sounded like 'play'. It sounded a little different though so I may be completely wrong."

Arria smiled with pride. "You are right. As I told you, the Nileesans add suffices to words just like you do. 'Us' added to a word means 'ful', so play becomes playful. What I actually said was 'you are playful today'."

"Ah, it's amazing how simple your language is, I seem to be getting it really quick."

Arria raised an eyebrow. "You assume the language is simple because you are understanding it quickly? Could it not be you are just really good at languages?"

Alistair blushed. "Nah, I don't think so."

"Well I can tell you it is, Alistair. Nileesan is not easy to understand, the fact that you are picking it up so fast is nothing short of amazing." Alistair's blush deepened and Arria found it positively adorable. She smiled and kissed his cheek, her own smile broadening as his mouth curved upwards at her action.

"Well I wish I could understand him as well as you do, he was whining at me for some reason earlier and I couldn't work it out."

She titled her head slightly while looking at her Mabari, watching him carefully as he whimpered while nodding at Alistair. Arria smiled as she worked it out. "He was asking you whether you were all right."

He chuckled. "Was that all?" Alistair scratched Carou's head while looking at him. "I'm fine boy, maybe a little worried about all those darkspawn and about your troublesome mistress here, but apart from that I'm good." He noticed her mouth quirk up slightly at the description, but there was unmistakable hurt in her eyes. The grip on her hand tighten as he held her gaze. "I'm guessing it has hit?"

Arria sighed deeply, fighting back unwanted tears as he showed all his love for her in his eyes, the exact same way he had looked at her in her dream. She drew a shuddering breath before answering him. "Yeah, it hit me this morning. I've been kind of a mess since then."

"I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. I was putting too much of my concentration on the darkspawn to see how much you were hurting."

She shook her head. "No, I was pouring all that I could afford of my attention onto the darkspawn, it was a perfect distraction from the haze of emotions I woke with. As we have got further away and the feelings have lessened, it brought it all crashing back. I couldn't really take it anymore."

"What happened?" Surely something must have been a trigger for her.

"I had a dream. Not a nightmare or a memory for once, but a pleasant dream: at least it was pleasant until I woke up and realised that was all it could ever be, a dream."

He almost dreaded the next question. "What did you see?"

"I had children. A son who resembled his father strongly apart from his hair, and a beautiful little girl who was a perfect combination of myself and him. We were a family…I can still remember the echoes of love I had for them, even though they were a fabrication of my own mind."

Alistair sighed deeply. "I'm so sorry, Arria."

She viciously wiped away a traitorous tear which fell. "The first good dream I have since I lost my people, and all it serves to do is further my pain. I could almost laugh at the irony of it."

He paused, wondering if he was about to experience a painful shock. "You said that the children both resembled their father. Who was he? I'm guessing you must have seen him."

Arria read his insecurities and kissed him briefly before pulling back. "It was you, Alistair. You were there, we were married and a family."

She giggled as she saw his eyes light up. "Really?" He laughed in joy as she nodded her head. "Does this mean…that someday you might…?"

This was not what she had been expecting when she revealed that! Her cheeks were dusted pink and her eyes dropped to his armour. "I…I don't know, is the honest answer. I could certainly think of worse things than marrying you."

Alistair kissed her briefly and pulled back to cup her cheek. "For the record, I wasn't asking."

She smiled back. "I know you weren't, but someday you might, and I wouldn't want you to be disappointed if you ever felt that you wanted to."

"Would you object if I someday did ask for more between us?"

In his eyes she could see what he was really asking. "The idea of intimacy does not scare me as it once did."

He smiled gently at her before pulling her in for a slow kiss, brushing his tongue along her lower lip as he asked for entrance. She gave it willingly and their tongues twisted together as hands moved to new positions. Alistair leant back, taking Arria with him as they lay together on the ground, his hands bunching in her hair as hers moved to encircle his neck. This was the closest they had ever been, and though Alistair felt the urge to move elsewhere, knowing that Arria's fear was still there, even though it may now only be subconscious, stopped him. The last thing they needed was for her to suffer another setback. "The others will come looking for us," she whispered against him, acutely aware of how in the open they were.

"I told them to go ahead into Lothering," he whispered back, claiming her lips again in an almost desperate fashion, glad when he felt her muscles relax in acceptance. Several minutes of them laying there, kissing each other led to Arria's hands moving from their position around his neck to drift down to his chest. Even though he was wearing armour, the fact that she felt comfortable enough to do this was a huge leap in trust. His own hands slipped down her arms, coming to rest on her bare waist. She froze momentarily, but when he continued to kiss her while conveying all his love for her, she let him rest there, thankful when his hands did not move again. In the back of her mind she liked the feel of his calloused hands stroking her skin, but should they move any higher or lower…the thought shuddered through her and that caused him to stop. They had pushed far enough for one day. With a last peck to her lips he pulled back, gazing at her adoringly. "Too much?"

She dropped her eyes. "I wish I could give you more, I know you would never willingly hurt me."

His hand came to grasp her chin as he guided her gaze back to meet his. "I will never push you for more, this is my promise. I am not them, and I pray to Maker I never give you reason to fear me like you did them."

Her smile was unsure, but the gratitude in her eyes was unmistakeable. "Thank you. And I don't mean just for this, I mean for everything."

Alistair couldn't help but smile back at her. "You don't have to thank me, that's what I'm here for."

Carou watched from his position at Arria's feet with what could almost be taken for a smile by the eyes of others. Slowly but surely, his mistress was growing and getting closer to her heart's deepest wishes. Little did the Wardens know they both wished for the same thing: to feel an unconditional love to heal the hurts of the past.

* * *

As they were getting closer to Lothering, both Wardens noticed something at the same time. "Alistair, did you just-"

"Lose all sense of the darkspawn? Yeah, I think we finally moved out of range."

"And we are only a couple hundred feet from the near edge of the village. That means we should be able to sense them pretty much the moment they leave the Wilds heading North."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows? Maybe we have finally found some luck."

Arria scoffed. "Not likely to last though."

"Well, a man can be hopeful can't he?" he asked while circling an arm around her waist. Arria rolled her eyes at him as they continued on, unsurprised to see that Rod, Elissa and Wynne were waiting just outside the village.

What did surprise her was who was with them. She gasped in surprise and ran forward. "Leliana!" The Bard smiled back and the pair embraced warmly. "How long have you been here?"

"We arrived but an hour ago, and discovered that they were not allowing access to the village. We waited for a while before I was about to ask to be allowed to see the Revered Mother for permission when Elissa came across us. We are surprised you left Ostagar as swiftly as you did."

"Not by choice, Leli. The darkspawn received instructions from the Archdemon last night, we think they might be about to march towards the town."

Her eyes were clouded with worry in an instant. "What can we do?"

"Evacuate, we will tell everyone to leave for either Redcliffe or Denerim. Alistair and I will able to sense when the darkspawn are on the move, so we should at least get a couple of hours warning. Leli, could you go the Revered Mother and let her know what is coming? We could use the help of the Templars in the evacuation, and at least then it could be achieved quietly."

"Of course I shall. The Chantry will probably take the longest to evacuate as well. What will you do?"

"Spread the word around town once the Templars begin their work. Hopefully then we won't give ourselves away as Grey Wardens. The less people that know about our identity the better."

Leliana could not help but agree. She dashed off to speak to the guards as Arria scanned their group, looking for one individual in particular. When her eyes came to rest upon her, she approached. It took only seconds for the witch to sense her, and the tiniest of smiles came to her face. "Arria."

"Morrigan." Arria spoke with a slight warmth to her voice. While they still may not be on the best of terms, the fact that Morrigan now found her intriguing rather than a threat had eased their relationship somewhat. "Did you find what you were searching for?"

"Indeed I did. It was in the First Enchanter's study of all places. Tis fortunate that position has not been filled again, else I may have lost my chance."

"Pardon me for asking, but how did you manage to get into the Tower? I hardly think you would have walked in the front door."

Morrigan raised an eyebrow in amusement. "How very perceptive of you. I took the form of a raven and flew in through a broken window at the top of the tower. There was not a soul on any of the upper levels, thus it was easy to search. I have begun reading, would you like to hear what I have discovered so far?" Since Arria was Nileesan, she would be the only one of their group able to appreciate the Ancient magic and not discount it as some manifestation of evil.

"Please," answered the female Warden while gesturing for them to move further out of earshot. She had the feeling what was about to be spoken was not for all ears.

Alistair watched them from the side, bemused that Arria had sought out the witch: obviously Morrigan had gone to Kinloch Hold for a specific reason, and from the way they moved away from the main group it seemed that reason was not meant to be common knowledge. He was broken out of thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. "Is she all right?"

He turned to face Elissa, unsurprised to see Rod with her. "She is better. It's going to hurt for a while yet, but I think it will ease as our journey continues."

"I can't imagine what she is feeling…" murmured the younger woman, amazed at how Arria kept her mind on their task with that knowledge heavy in her heart.

"She'll deal with it when she feels she can afford to. Right now her concern is making sure the people of the village get out safe. Once that is done and we move on, there she'll let herself feel the loss." His eyes turned towards her, watching as she continued to converse with Morrigan but he could see the sadness in her posture. While the others may not be able to see it, he could, and his own heart began to ache at seeing not only her pain, that she could not grieve freely. They had another task to complete before they had that luxury.

"She isn't the only one hurting, am I right?" asked Elissa gently, not missing the way his own posture had slumped as he watched Arria.

Alistair sighed. "I'd never really thought about it before Arria and I. There was never really the option. Now…Now I can't help but wonder who our child might have been," he revealed sadly. While he hadn't spoken these words to Arria, he knew it was the question swimming around in her mind too. What little life could they have created together? It didn't matter that they were nowhere near that stage of their relationship, but the fact that Arria hadn't seemed so afraid of the thought of having children had given him hope that they were making progress.

Leliana burst in on their conversation. "I've managed to convince the guards to get the Revered Mother. You and Arria should help me explain since you two are the Grey Wardens."

He nodded at her briefly before switching his gaze to his female comrade. "Arria." She diverted her attention to him. "The Revered Mother is coming, I could use your help for explanations."

Arria nodded to him and returned her attention to Morrigan. "We shall have to finish this another time, Morrigan. I hope the next time we discuss such things, you will have grasped more of your mother's secrets."

The witch raised an eyebrow. "Why do I get the feeling you are excited to see what I discover?"

A short laugh confirmed her suspicions. "That I am, but more than anything I hope you can find something to help us end this Blight. Until then, Morrigan." She dashed off to rejoin Alistair, unaware of the curious gaze she was receiving from Morrigan at her reaction.

"Well, this may change my plans. I get the feeling you might hold the last piece of the puzzle, Warden."

* * *

The Revered Mother had listened to both the Wardens intently, mildly horrified as she discovered the darkspawn were about to head towards them. With a quick order to a guard beside her to gather the rest of the knights and Templars, she took her leave with a promise to begin preparations for moving immediately. A Templar soon returned to them with the plan: many of the refugees had chosen to head for Denerim, since word of Redcliffe's struggles had reached their ears and had discouraged many from heading to a village which had suffered such hardship. The rest, however, were going to join the survivors and rebuild the village, much to both Alistair and Arria's relief. It should ease things on both Teagan and Isolde as they searched for a way to save Eamon. Armed with the knowledge of which areas of town would need extra help with the packing, Arria's group divided up.

Morrigan, Sten, Wynne and Carou were to stay with Bodahn and to make sure that he and Sandal proceeded unharmed to the their meeting point a few miles down the road to Denerim. They needed to make sure the merchant was not caught up in the panic of the evacuation and no doubt there would be some who would attempt to rob him were he left alone. Zevran and Leliana were helping those who had set up temporary homes at the entrance to the town while Elissa and Rod were helping with all the orphans and children who had been sheltered inside the Chantry. It had been an alarming number, and Arria could not face dealing with children yet, not with her heart still bruised and hurting. She and Alistair had instead headed for the opposite end of town, supervising the evacuation of the main citizens. They both felt for those who had to abandon their homes, fully in the knowledge that they were about to be destroyed, but there was nothing that could be done. It was flee and live or stay and die.

As she watched the people milling about, she noticed a young woman with a staff on her back. Curious at the presence of a mage in the village she wandered off, Alistair not far behind her. She nodded onwards, showing him her interest and his eyebrow shot upwards. A mage in Lothering, where so many Templars were currently stationed, was more than a little strange. The pair followed her a fair distance back and were about to catch her attention when Alistair was bowled over by another knight. Arria barely caught sight of the event before she raised her daggers in self-defence, a young woman with short scarlet hair and piercing grey eyes glaring straight at her. Throwing her back Arria released her Song, smirking at the woman's widened eyes but impressed that she wouldn't back down. Alistair had fought off his attacker and stood to raise his shield while drawing his sword, prepared to fight.

His assailant was the first to make a move, swinging his greatsword with all his might while Alistair ducked out of the way. The unknown man then swung again, this time forcing Alistair into a block but the male Warden struck back with his own blade, forcing his assailant back. Arria's attacker then launched forward, aiming both her blades straight for her heart but Arria simply parried her away while sidestepping out of danger. The woman before her was fast, but she was much quicker. She attacked again, but this time Arria ducked and kicked back in retaliation, forced then to dodge as the other woman swerved out of the way and struck with a kick of her own. The two women duelled in a furious dance of daggers, punches and kicks: neither gaining an advantage nor losing ground. It was only when they came to a standstill that Arria chanced a glance at Alistair, seeing him caught in his own deadlock. His shield was holding back the heavy sword while his attacker was holding back Alistair's sword hand from landing a crucial blow. Seeing her chance, she acted.

Arria pushed back, throwing the other woman slightly off balance and flipped backwards, catching her in the chin and dazing her momentarily. With the two men so focused on stopping each other, Arria was able to enter their duel and tip it in Alistair's favour. Seeing her at the last moment, he stopped the struggle and instead ducked, his adversary unable to move out of the way of Arria's kick. His head snapped around viciously and in that time Arria had kicked the sword out of his hand before running back to her own target. Alistair pinned the other man against the wall with his shield while holding his blade across his throat. Arria made it back in time to leap into and flying tackle, wrapping her legs around the other woman in a well-practiced manoeuvre: flipping them both to ground with Arria's legs pinning her arms to her sides while her blades sat either side of her neck.

"No!" shouted a voice from behind them. The mage from before ran and sat before Arria, a desperate plea in her eyes. "Please, do not kill them!" she begged.

"They attacked us unprovoked," stated Alistair coldly, meeting the other man's glare with equal ferocity.

"They were only protecting me, please let them go," the mage pleaded once more.

Arria shared a long look with Alistair, not taking her attention away from the woman beneath her. "it was never our intention to harm, you or your companions," she spoke gently, bringing her blades away from the red-haired woman's neck but not loosening her grip on her arms until she was sure she would not try anything stupid. Satisfied that the woman was now no danger, she let her go and stood, offering a hand to bring her back to her feet. Surprised at the gesture, she grasped hold and stood, the pair sharing a long hard look. Alistair was not so sure, but trusting Arria's judgement he removed his sword and shield, but not without leaving one last push against the other man's chest.

The two parties separated, the unknown trio standing together as Alistair returned to Arria's side. "When people follow our sister, normally it isn't for a good reason," spoke the red-haired woman shortly.

"It was more curiosity and concern for our part," explained Arria. "It is dangerous for her to be wandering about with her staff on her back with so many Templars about."

"You think we don't know that," spat the other man, glaring at the two of them to which Alistair responded with own.

"That was not what we said," spoke Arria calmly, hoping that the two women had a bit more sense about them. "If you want to get out of town unseen, then you had best leave from the South, and soon."

Arria's advice earned more than one raised eyebrow. "You would help us? Even though our sister is an apostate?"

"That is no concern of ours," answered Alistair, finally sheathing his weapons. "All we are doing is making sure that all the citizens get away safely, regardless of who they are.

The red-haired woman's gaze softened and a small smile came to her face. She put away her dagger and held her hand out to Arria. "Then allow me to apologise for our actions. We are just far too used to our sister being attacked for nothing more than being a mage."

Arria smiled back and shook her hand. "Apology accepted, it is completely understandable. My name is Arria, and this is Alistair," she introduced, gesturing back to the male Warden.

"Mairah, Mairah Hawke. This is my sister, Bethany and my brother, Carver." Bethany smiled back but Carver huffed and walked away, clearly unimpressed. Mairah sighed at his actions. "Don't mind him, his pride is just wounded is all." She raised a hand to her jaw, feeling the start of a bruise coming along. "And don't know what is going to take longer to recover, my jaw or my confidence in my abilities."

Alistair chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, she's kicked my ass a lot worse than that." Bethany giggled as Arria rolled her eyes at him, but the light blush on her cheeks gave away that she actually appreciated the compliment. "So what are you doing out here with so many Templars wandering the streets?"

"We were on our way to collect the last of our belongings before we took our mother away from here. But we have no idea where to go."

"Redcliffe would be our suggestion. The people there are in desperate need of new citizens, and the fact that you all can fight would be of great assurance to them."

Mairah and Bethany shared a look briefly, contemplating the idea before turning back to Alistair and Arria. "I think that might be a very good idea. I'll put the idea to Mother and see what she says, ultimately we will need to ask her as well."

The pair nodded in approval but their eyes suddenly widened as Arria's breath caught in her throat. _It can't be- _She spun violently towards Alistair, panic in her eyes. "Is that? Why the hell didn't we feel them before?"

He snarled briefly. "Our range from before was obviously because we already had a lock on them. Damn it!"

"Find the others and warn them!" Alistair was off and running before she finished her sentence and Arria turned back to the sisters, confusion in their gazes. "Find your mother and brother and get out of here, you have no time for possessions. Take all the coin you can and run for your lives."

"What do you mean?" asked Mairah.

"The darkspawn. They will be here in minutes."

Bethany gasped while Mairah was briefly stunned silent. "How do you know that?"

"We are Grey Wardens. Please, just go; run. Run as fast as you can away from here, Lothering is about to be destroyed."

Taking Arria's warning seriously the pair sped away, Arria herself running in the other direction towards her companions. She heard her name being called from her left and saw Elissa and Rod join her as they ran to the southern entrance of the town. Alistair was already there with Leliana and Zevran, the last remnants of the population in a frenzy to escape. "How many people are left?" asked Arria in mild horror at the thought they were not going to make it out.

"Not many, but they will never outrun the darkspawn. They will be like lambs to the slaughter," stated Leliana.

Arria swore under her breath as Alistair stepped in. "Elissa, Leliana, try and hurry along all those that are left. We'll buy you as much time as we can." The two women sped away, following his instructions before he turned his attention to both their male companions. "Can we count on the two of you to give us a hand?"

"But of course, this shall be fun!" declared Zevran, earning a chuckle out of everyone there before the attention switched to Rod.

"Count me in," he said, earning a smile of thanks from Arria as both he and Alistair clasped hands briefly. The two men had developed a strong bond over these past weeks just as she and Elissa had done, and they were always going to have each other's backs.

"Let Alistair and I take the lead and you two take down any that we miss. All we need to do is buy enough time for the rest of the population to run."

"How long do we have?"

"Maybe a minute until the lead pack hits, which is about thirty or so. There is another of around sixty just behind, with the main horde is only another ten minutes further back."

"We can't outrun the darkspawn, so we need to make sure we are out of here with at least five minutes to spare," added Alistair. If they left leaving too late then they wouldn't get away before the town fell. With no more words needed, the four of them took up positions just in front of the town barricade. Alistair and Arri were several metres ahead of Rod and Zevran as they waited for the advance group to reach them.

The screeches of the darkspawn could be heard from just over the crest of the hills as they charged forth in clusters, Arria using her Spirita magic to knock some of them back and reduce the number she and Alistair had to kill at once. A first group was cut in half, meaning they only had to take down four at a time before another group advanced, this time fifteen in number. Arria focused on half of them, pushing them back but not knocking them down and they only managed to strike five before the other three ran past, Rod and Zevran swiftly dealing with the others. The two Wardens brought down the rest as they charged and their line of defence held as the last nine concentrated on the two who had brought down most of their kind. With their concentration split between the fight and tracking the main horde, Alistair swore as they began moving quicker again. They maybe had two minutes before they _had_ to leave. If they fell here in trying to save too many, then the rest of Ferelden was doomed. "Rod! Find out how the girls are getting on!" he shouted, the knight nodding and racing off just as the next wave hit.

Arria focused more of her power in her magic and this time struck at the ground beneath their feet, managing to spook some darkspawn from their charge and reduced their numbers to ten, something much more manageable from the twenty three they had been before. Zevran stepped forward to help the Wardens and together they struck down all the Hurlocks which crossed their path. The rest of them regained their bearings, but not before Arria struck again, knocking down six and cutting them down to more manageable numbers again. As the last few charged a few arrows whizzed over their heads. The rest of the wave were Genlocks, and they were out of time.

"They are almost done!" came a shout from behind, but Alistair, Arria and Zevran had already fled and met him at the barricade.

"It's too late, we've lost our position. We need to find them and run!" shouted Arria, the group fleeing with all the strength their legs would give them. Elissa and Leliana saw their run and sped on ahead, not needing to be told they were out of time. Some stragglers were left behind but there was nothing that could be done for them now. Screams rang out from the few people that remained as the main horde swooped down upon Lothering, destroying everything in their path as they lay waste to what remained of the town.

Once they reached the top of a hill half a mile away, the group stopped briefly to catch their breath and glance back at the remains. The buildings were already aflame and what looked like a black haze descended upon the landscape, blotting out all the goodness that remained. Everyone was stunned silent: this was a glimpse of what was to come should they fail. There was a mixture of horror and shock claiming Leliana, Zevran, Rod and Elissa, but determination and resolve took hold of both Alistair and Arria. This was their charge, this was their purpose: to stop the Blight from claiming their home.

The pair shared a long look, knowing they would never forget this. Lothering may have fallen, but they wouldn't let the Blight claim another settlement. Not while they could do something about it.

* * *

And if you flick over for part 2…

Negative Angel


	22. Curse of the Forest

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 21: Curse of the Forest**

When the group finally reunited along the road to Denerim, those who had fled from Lothering were exhausted. They had run as fast as their feet had carried them, barely stopping as they left the darkspawn horde behind them. As soon as Elissa stopped she vomited violently, the scenes still swimming around her head as Rod consoled her, just about managing to keep his own stomach contents down. Leliana and Zevran both collapsed, Leliana against as tree and Zevran to his knees as the exhaustion, both physical and mental, took hold. Wynne stood from her position beneath a tree and approached the group, unsurprised at the looks of shock and horror at what they had seen. They could see the smoke from here, and no doubt seeing Lothering's end had been a hundred times worse.

Her eyes scanned the area, noting two rather large absences. "Where are our young Wardens?" she asked, unnerved that they had not returned with the others.

"Blowing off steam just by the cliffs," answered Rod, his head the clearest of those who were witness. "They took what happened in Lothering hard, more so that they didn't feel the darkspawn approach until it was nearly too late."

"I thought they said they could feel the darkspawn all the way until just before the village?"

"After they had already locked on. Evidently it doesn't seem the reverse is true, they only felt them when they were about ten minutes away: we couldn't get everyone out in time."

Wynne sighed deeply, in no doubt that their failure would be hitting both Wardens hard. "None of you require healing?" She received synchronized nods from everyone. "In that case, I shall search for them. There is food from earlier that can easily by reheated for your nourishment."

"I don't think I could eat anything…" Wynne turned to Elissa, sympathising with the young woman. It was probably the first time she had seen anything like that horror, and her stomach seemed determined to purge all its contents as the memories lay close to the surface.

"Eat something small, it will help to keep your strength," she spoke softly, not missing the sheen of tears in Elissa's eyes. The effects of this day would be felt for a long time yet, of that she was sure. Leaving them to their own recoveries she set off down the path, coming across some familiar battle shouts after a five minute walk.

The elder woman pulled back some brush as she found the pair sparring beneath a waterfall, the spray from the natural feature having dampened their hair along with the sweat from their exertions. Both Wardens were exhausted, it could be seen from the slump in their postures: Arria barely keeping hold of her daggers while Alistair's shield lay limply at his side, his sword barely raised. Her legs could be seen visibly shaking while his looked like they might give out on him any second. There were nicks in Arria's stomach from where she hadn't quite managed to dodge his strikes and dark bruises were forming on her arms from where she had barged his shield; said shield was now dented beyond almost all recognition and repair while his armour was scuffed and scratched from his numerous near misses with her blades. The pair were pushing each other to their limits in a desperate attempt to become stronger, their failure blazing in their eyes and hearts as Lothering's demise continued to play through their minds. It was their charge to protect civilians from the darkspawn, and they had failed in that today: their main purpose to end the Blight could still be achieved, but neither wished to sacrifice any more people in the struggle.

Arria screamed and charged at Alistair again on tired legs, her daggers crashing upon his disfigured shield and creating sparks as Alistair thrust forward with his sword. Arria spun away but had to steady herself as she came to a stop, her last reserves of strength being called forward to fight as Alistair's vision began to spin under the physical strain. The pair raised their blades and the collided in mid-air before Alistair shoved her away with his shield. Arria backwards rolled away and returned to her feet momentarily, but soon collapsed upon one knee, nearing her breaking point. Seeing her about to give in Alistair charged forward, his furious battle cry spurring her into action. She made to strike his shoulder, but at the last moment diverted her strike and smacked the base of her dagger into his wrist. The shooting pain through the bones caused him to drop his sword with a scream of pain, but she wasn't done, kicking his shield straight off his arm with a practiced move. Now defenceless, Alistair backed away step by step while dodging her wild swings.

Wynne watched from the side-lines in amazement as she saw the Wardens locked in what looked like combat to the death. The ferocity behind their blows amazed her, as did the fact the hadn't collapsed from sheer exhaustion despite it looking like they could fall to the ground any second. As she watched them, she finally figured out just why they were fighting each other with such force: this was their way of showing their trust in each other. They trusted the other to keep themselves alive as they gave everything for their cause. Lothering had shown them they weren't strong enough to defeat this Blight yet, and only by pushing themselves beyond their known barriers could they hope to gain the strength needed. And there was only one person they felt could achieve that: each other.

Seeing an opening as Arria prepared to strike from above, Alistair grabbed her wrists and held her there, the two locked in a battle more of mental strength than physical at that point. The furious glares met as they tried to vent all of their feelings of failure, their exhaustion forcing the battle to that of wills as they were unwilling to be the first to break under the strain. The pair spun as they desperately tried to gain the upper hand, minutes ticking by in what felt like seconds. Then all at once, they both went. They could see the vulnerability in the other and they snapped simultaneously. Alistair shouted with pure fury as Arria broke down in tears, dropping her daggers as they both fell to their knees, exhaustion finally taking hold. Arria wept her heart out as Alistair held her, sharing her emotion but the unreasoning anger within was clouding everything. Taking one of her fallen daggers he plunged it into the ground next to him, wishing it was instead a darkspawn he was slaying. Arria's grief soon clawed him back and he let go of his almost painful grip, instead surrendering himself to the immense fatigue making its way through his tired limbs. The Wardens hadn't even paused from their desperate run, choosing instead to fight each other in an attempt to confront their feeling of guilt and regret that they had let Lothering fall. Now, at the end of their strength, they were both left tired and hollow.

Neither of them had the want or energy to look up as they heard gentle footsteps approach, but when Wynne held Alistair's chin and allowed their eyes to meet, she could see him desperately trying to fight sleep as Arria gave in to slumber in his arms. With a tender smile she stood once more. "I will be back with supplies and Carou to guard over you both," she whispered, knowing that would be enough for him to hear. The male Warden nodded wearily as she left, and by the time Wynne returned with their ever faithful Mabari, the pair were in a deep sleep. A sympathetic smile touched her lips as she saw the deep purple marks appearing all the way up Arria's arms as they held each other desperately, needing the comfort of the other after what they had transpired today. She took them in, realising then that they were not much older than children: barely adults, and yet they had fallen foul of one of the most grievous challenges anyone should ever face. "Sleep well, children," she spoke gently as she left, leaving their protection to the dog beside them. As she headed back to the camp she thought on what she had seen, her respect levels for both Wardens shooting up enormously. They both knew what it was they had to do, and they were giving everything to see it through to the end, never pausing to think of what it might cause them as individuals. "I can only pray you both succeed…" she whispered to the wind as she turned her eyes skyward. It would soon be night, and hopefully it would be merciful to them after the events of today.

* * *

Alistair groaned in pain a few hours later, confused as he noticed that not only was it night, but he and Arria were covered in a blanket with their tent equipment nearby, while Carou was standing guard. A faint memory of Wynne speaking to him before he had passed out came back to him, along with the recollection of their furious duel. The fire within him had been settled for now, but the guilt was still threatening to eat him from the inside as his anger tried to take hold again. Arria stirred on his chest and he sat up slightly as awareness came back to her. "Hey," he whispered, surprised at the peace in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

Arria drew in a sharp breath as her body protested at movement. "I ache everywhere, but apart from that I'm okay. You?"

"I'm not sure really." Arria pushed herself up, despite the aches through her body and looked him straight in the eye. Alistair sighed deeply before continuing. "I've still got this anger inside, and honestly it scares me with the force of it. How do you let go of something like that?"

Arria diverted her eyes briefly. "I don't know. I never dealt with mine, I just had something worse replace it. After my people died, I was so bitter that I snapped at pretty much anyone who would come near me. Once I fell into Howe's hands, I lost my anger and it turned to despair. I would tell you if I knew, Alistair. Unfortunately, I can't help you."

He shook his head and kissed her lightly. "Don't worry, I'll figure it out somehow." She didn't look convinced but a rumbling from overhead distracted them long enough to suggest a change of position. "I think we should set up the tent before we get soaked." Arria nodded in agreement, groaning slightly as she stood to allow Alistair up. He growled at the various aches through his body and the pair set up their tent as quick as they could before the rain hit. Just a few minutes after they were set up the rain began, and was nothing short of torrential, but their tent was up to the task. Alistair relieved himself of all his armour quickly and sighed in relief as his back hit their bedroll, making for a much comfier position. Arria's gaze switched to the outside as she got out or her armour, an idea taking hold.

"I'm going to get clean in the spring, can you set up the spare canvas?" Alistair nodded and went to slip outside, but stripped off his tunic before he did so. Arria blushed as she saw his toned chest for the first time, but didn't really get a chance to admire it as he vanished into the rain. All of their tents came with an extension which could be set up for situations such as this, where they needed shelter from the rain but wanted to stay outside – or in Arria's case change without the danger of anyone seeing her vulnerable – and it took only seconds for Alistair to get it ready, but by the time he slipped back inside he was already soaked to the skin. Arria's breath caught as the water reflected off his chest with the little candlelight they had inside and her blush deepened as she finally got a good look at him, appreciating his form in a way she never had done. The faintest stirrings of desire began in her and she practically ran outside while Alistair was shaking all the water out of his hair, his confused glance following her.

While she was outside Arria shook her head violently, trying furiously to get the image of Alistair out of her head. She had no idea where those feelings came from, but they terrified the hell out of her. There was a reason she had not yet looked at him in that way: because the thought of them ever coming together like that still petrified her. Their encounter back in Lothering came to mind, back when they had made out overlooking the town. He had pushed her boundaries slightly there, and while it had made her a bit uncomfortable, she couldn't deny that she liked the feel of his hands on her. Hands which had always been so gentle in everything they did when it came to them…

Brushing any further thoughts on the subject aside, she slowly started undressing, making sure that her clothes were kept out of soaking range as she slipped into the water of the spring. It felt heavenly, the combination of both the rain and still water washing away all the grime and pains of the past days. She whistled on Carou, directing the Mabari to keep a lookout as she bathed.

Unbeknownst to Arria, Alistair was shifting things in the tent when the flap was briefly pushed open, allowing him a brief glimpse of her bare back, but not showing him anything else. His interest now directed elsewhere, he watched in slight wonderment, feeling slightly ashamed that he was spying on her but, _Maker help me, she really is beautiful…_ Arria gathered her hair forward and began to wash it, allowing him to see her Mark. It shone in the darkness a beautiful pale pink, something that hadn't happened the last time but it made it all the more stunning. Carou appeared and cocked his head at him, and he swore the dog would have raised an eyebrow at him had he been able. "All right, I get the hint…" murmured Alistair, shrinking back into the tent.

Arria heard the shifting and Carou's movements, then became suspicious as she heard the rustling of the canvas. "Alistair? What are you doing?" she asked, feeling a little unsure.

"Nothing! Just trying to make more room in here!" was her reply, but she wasn't convinced by the tone of his voice.

"You weren't…peeking, were you?"

"Of course not!" Arria might have believed him had Carou not barked in argument, exposing him. Arria chuckled slightly at the Mabari's intervention and almost panicked as the canvas opened again, but Alistair made sure to keep his hand so that he could not see anything as Arria ducked her body back under the water. "Traitor," he muttered sourly at the dog, unsurprised as he sat smugly. Feeling like he had done enough to stick his foot in it already, he disappeared back into the tent, leaving Arria in peace.

She stayed there for a few moments, finding herself surprised at the emotions relating to the fact she now knew he was peeking at her, but would not have seen anything significant other than her back. While it unnerved her slightly, she felt more flattered that, despite everything, he still found her desirable and beautiful. As she finished her cleaning she hauled herself out of the spring and used her spare blanket to dry her body before she slipped back into her clothes. Now that her wounds were wet and exposed to the air they stung a little, but it was a familiar pain from her early days in Nileesa. With a faint smile she re-entered their tent, almost laughing at the apologetic look on Alistair's face. Arria sat next to him and kissed him lightly, giggling as he took a couple of seconds to respond. "I'm actually feeling more flattered than anything, so you can get that look off your face," she whispered to him, not missing the way he smiled in response. She held up a finger to his lips before he could kiss her again, earning a confused look. "But if you do it again, you'll regret it."

He could see the sparkle in her eyes and saw he was forgiven. "Deal," he responded, earning another laugh from her before pulling her back to him for another kiss. His breathing hitched slightly as Arria pressed a feather light hand to his chest: he had been waiting to dry off before putting his tunic back on, though had planned to be wearing it again before she came back inside because of her previous reaction. She pulled back from their kiss and watched the small trail she was creating along his chest as she followed his toned muscles. Her almost innocent touch was doing nothing for Alistair's self-control and he desperately tried to conceal his reaction from her, knowing it would scare her. Arria seemed to be too caught up in her own little voyage of discovery, but the moment was broken slightly as Alistair squirmed away with a short laugh, her gentle touches reaching a sensitive spot.

Arria pulled back and eyed him curiously. "Alistair…are you ticklish?"

She could almost hear the uncertainty in his voice as he replied honestly. "Maybe…why?"

He positively squawked as Arria began tickling him, laughing herself as he squirmed to get away from her touches. Alistair soon got his revenge as he twisted to tickle her in retribution, surprised as she squeaked and stopped her assault on him. Soon he had her reduced to a panting mass of giggles, chuckling at her, but loving the light in her eyes. It seemed, at least for now, the shadows which so often plagued her were gone. She turned and looked up at him, seeing his love for her shining back at him. It wasn't too long after that the pair settled down to sleep, Arria loving the feeling of being snuggled into his bare chest for once._ I think I might enjoy sleeping like this, _she thought as she drifted into sleep. Alistair watched her and smiled, proud of her for being brave enough to try this small step. His hand stroked her wet hair for a few minutes and his smile grew as she seemed to purr in enjoyment, even in her sleep. Despite the tragic events of today, she could still make smile with nothing more than being herself.

* * *

It wasn't until morning before they wandered back to camp, both feeling rested and refreshed from the first deep sleep they had found since before Redcliffe. When they got there much of their group was awake, only Rod and Wynne were still asleep as the others milled about. Elissa was speaking with Zevran and Leliana while Morrigan and Sten kept to themselves, as per usual. Carou barked and headed off to Morrigan, both Alistair and Arria sharing a confused look at the Mabari's enthusiasm. Apparently he was fond of the witch. Elissa was the first to notice them after Carou had made himself known and she ran up to embrace both her friends, the Wardens both reciprocating the hug. "Are you both okay?" she asked, gasping quietly as she took in Arria's wounds and bruises, but from the smile on her face she could see it was unlike the previous times she had seen her hurt.

"We are fine, everything we just too close after what happened yesterday and we needed to let it all out," elaborated Arria, Alistair nodding in agreement beside her.

"Maybe you should have Wynne heal all that up."

"I'll maybe ask her once she wakes up, though it's just a few nicks and bruises, I'll be fine." Arria took note of Leliana and Zevran behind her. "I'll be back in a bit," she said, leaving Alistair with a parting kiss on the cheek as she went to speak to the Bard and assassin.

When she was out of earshot, Elissa looked at Alistair hard. "Is she really all right?" she asked seriously.

Alistair sighed. "Believe it or not, _I'm _the one taking things harder this time. Arria has seen that before…back when she lost her home. She knows the feelings associated with it. I just can't get over the fact that we let-"

"Alistair, stop," spoke Elissa softly , noticing for the first time the storm in his eyes. He had taken Lothering's destruction hard, harder than anyone else. "You couldn't have done anything else. We were already evacuating the people when you both felt the darkspawn approach. And as I recollect, you both threw yourselves in harm's way to ensure more people made it out alive. We could have not stopped the horde, you know that better than anyone. Lothering was destined to fall, but her people are living on. Who knows, some of those people you saved might turn out to be very important in the future."

He thought back on the Hawke siblings, the trio he and Arria had met just before the end came. He hoped they made it out safely, but couldn't help but think how helpful they would have been as companions on this long journey. "Yeah…who knows…"

Arria approached Leliana and Zevran with a smile on her face and her heart lighter than it had felt in months. "Well, you look rather happy with yourself this morning, my Dancer. Did you and our male Warden enjoy yourselves last night?" asked Zevran, a mischievous glint in his eye. Arria just raised an eyebrow at him as she sat down with them around the fire. He took note of the various bruises and cuts on her stomach and smirked. "I see you like it rough, I shall remember that should you ever take me up on my offer," he purred in his Antivan voice.

Arria shook her head and playfully swatted the back of his, Zevran pouting in response. Leliana laughed at them as Arria turned her attention back to why she was here. "How was the Tower? Did you achieve what you wanted to?"

Leliana's smile turned sad. "Irving's funeral was beautiful, we actually arrived the day it was set to take place. Everyone was there, Templars and mages alike, to pay their respects to him. Greagoir asked after yourself, Alistair and Wynne, while wishing us the best of luck in securing further allies. He knows the path you tread is dangerous, and the odds are stacked against your success."

"He may think he knows, but he truly has no idea," murmured Arria, wishing she had been there to pay her own respects to Irving, and to apologise for what had happened. Ostagar had been a necessity for her though, more than anything to put her demons to rest.

"Now we can ask you about your armour, it is beautiful," admired Leliana, tracing some of the lyrium infusions.

"You should have seen her wearing it back when she was in Nileesa, there was a reason she was known as one of their greatest warriors," complimented Zevran, earning another smack from Arria, this time in the chest but from the faint dusting of pink on her cheeks he knew she appreciated the gesture.

"This is your Nileesan armour?"

"Yes…and I had left it behind in Ostagar. Part of my reason for going back was so that I could retrieve it," clarified Arria.

"And was all the armour there like this?"

"No, you were only given hand-crafted armour if you were of First Class, and then a new armour again if you obtained the rank of Master. This is the armour my brother paid for upon my becoming a First Class Dancer."

Leliana gasped. "What a gift! He must have loved you very much."

"Yes, yes he did…" Arria smiled as she thought of home briefly, but not in a melancholy way. She remembered the day Garros had told her he was paying for her armour: the day after her change in rank and her 18th birthday. He had always said he hoped her gift for her coming of Age would be her Master armour, and she couldn't help but wonder what might have been had their world not come crashing down.

Rod soon appeared from his tent with a large yawn and stretched. "It would serve you right if a fly went straight in that mouth of yours," said Elissa jokingly, winking at him as he glared at her unimpressed.

He wandered over and swung an arm around her waist. "Love you too, Lissa," he grumbled, still half asleep while kissing her cheek. She giggled in response as Wynne then stepped forth from her own tent, with a greeting of 'Good morning'. With everyone now awake, they could play their next move.

"So, we've come to our next cross-roads," started Arria, gaining everyone's attention. "We now have the choice, to continue on to Denerim or to try and find the Dalish? We must gain their allegiance soon, either now or on our return trip from Denerim. My preferred choice would be now, but it is up to everyone here, it may take us many days to find them."

"I think we should search now, before we risk them moving again," suggested Leliana, earning nods of agreement from both Zevran and Wynne. A quick look at Morrigan and Sten indicated they were not going to participate in this discussion.

"Leli is right, now is better than later," added Elissa, while sharing a long look with Rod. She looked to Alistair and he nodded at her, indicating his support for the suggestion.

"All right, to the Dalish it is. I recommend that half of us camp on the outskirts of the forest while the rest go search, a large group is bound to spook them and make them suspicious." A general murmur of agreement came from the others. "Luckily we are just about at the Brecilian Forest now, so either they can stay here or we move forward slightly, it is up to those who remain. Alistair and I will be going regardless, so who wishes to join us?"

"I would like to join you Warden. They are my kin, and I would also relish the chance to fight by your side for once," said Zevran, earning a smile from Arria in response. Alistair wasn't so sure this was a good idea, but he would give the lay of the land to Zevran if he tried anything.

"I think I should come too, perhaps I can learn some of their talents while we are there," suggested Wynne, receiving a nod of acceptance from Arria.

She looked around briefly. "Anyone else?" she asked, unsurprised when she got a bark back rather than a spoke response. "I didn't think you were staying behind, Carou, even if I wanted to leave you here," she joked, many of the others laughing as he started bounding around. When she looked up again and heard no more requests, she sent everyone about their business. Once the group had broken up she went over to Rod and Elissa. "I thought you two would want to come?" she questioned, confused at their choice. Their two closest friends had gone with them whenever they could.

They shared a long look before Elissa spoke. "I'm unarmed, Arria. My bow broke back in Ostagar, I can't fight even if I wanted to. That isn't our main reason though. We want to head to Denerim and see how safe things are going to be for you there. Rod and I have friends in the city, from before Howe destroyed our home and maybe they can tell us what has been going on. Grey Wardens are still wanted by Loghain for treason, and if he thinks you and Alistair are still alive, we want to make sure you guys aren't walking into a trap."

Arria looked at both of them for a long time. "Are you sure? You two could be in danger too if Howe knows you are alive."

"He'll know, but he won't try anything, not in a place where we still have many allies," assured Rod.

She stared at the pair for a few more seconds before she relented, hugging Rod first and then Elissa tightly. "We'll be fine, Arria. Now go and find the Dalish, we'll see you when you get to Denerim," said Elissa, a reassuring smile on her face.

"Be safe, both of you," wished Arria, sadness in her heart as she saw the two of them set off on the road from Denerim.

Alistair caught sight of them just as they left and joined Arria, noting the sorrow in her posture. "Where are they going?" he asked.

"To Denerim, to make sure it's safe for us, but I can't help but worry that Howe might find them first," she admitted, going into his arms willingly as he pulled her in for a hug.

"They know how to take care of themselves, and Denerim is big enough for them to disappear. They'll be fine, Arri."

She watched their retreating forms with a deep worry in her heart, hoping that Alistair was right, refusing to believe it might be the last time she would ever see them.

* * *

Leliana, Sten, Morrigan, Bodahn and Sandal set up camp just inside the forest, out of sight from the road as the others continued on deeper, following both Arria and Zevran as they tracked the Dalish as best they could. With both being at least part elven, their tracking skills were better than that of their companions, and with Arria managing to even convince a small deer to help lead them on for a bit, it didn't take more than a few hours to finally find the Dalish.

They found themselves surrounded, arrows trained on them as another elf approached them. "I suggest you turn back, strangers. The Dalish have claimed these lands."

"_Haira, mi kessa," _began Arria, not missing the way the young woman's eyes lit in recognition. "We have come seeking the Dalish, for your help. We are Grey Wardens."

It took her several seconds to regain her composure, turning steely eyes to Arria. "If you are what you claim to be, prove it to me," she spoke harshly, unwilling to believe just who it was that could be standing before her.

Arria smiled and pulled her hair aside as she turned to show her the Mark of the Tamer upon her neck. It still held a slight pink aura to it, just as Alistair had seen the night before and he wondered where the change had come about. Her eyes instantly changed and she looked at Arria in wonderment. "It's true, you are a Tamer," she whispered in amazement, her men around her suddenly unsure as to whether they should be aiming their bows at the people before them. A nod from the young woman led to them lowering their arrows, and Alistair started breathing again. How Arria had remained composed he had no idea. "I shall take you to see Keeper Zathrian, only he can help you."

"Thank you…?" The inflexion indicated that Arria was looking for the young woman's name.

"Mithra."

"Thank you, Mithra." As promised, Mithra brought them to the Keeper, explaining to him quietly of the identities of the strangers before him. The Keeper's eyes lit up in surprise and he looked at Arria in amazement before bidding Mithra farewell. As he approached her group, Arria knelt before him. "_Haira, Keeper Zathrian. Li ecalle cur fe sur palltanne."_

Zathrian held her shoulders and guided her back to her feet, slowly turning her to see her Mark. "A Dancer, Songstress and Spirita…" he wondered aloud, allowing Arria to spin back. "I never thought I would have this honour, to meet a Tamer, after the fall of our people. You must be a blessing from those above, for you have come at a time of great need in our people."

"What has happened?" she asked, allowing Zathrian to guide her over to another area of their camp, to where many other elves were writhing and screaming in pain, some bound and the wrists and ankles to prevent them from hurting themselves.

"This is a curse which has afflicted my people. We have been attacked by werewolves, and as such, the curse now spreads through their veins in an attempt to turn them.

"Oh my goodness…" Wynne knelt next to one of them and used her healing magic, attempting to ease their pain.

"How has this happened?" asked Arria, shocked that such a thing could have happened.

"The werewolves have long been here, but have never dared attack our camp before. I now fear for my people, without the heart of Witherfang, they will surely die."

"Witherfang?"

"The spirit of the forest, trapped inside the body of a wolf. It is he that directs these creatures to attack, and it is because of him that my people suffer. If you were to slay him, bring me back his heart, then I believe my people can be saved."

Arria surveyed all those suffering, her heart going out to them, but she could not let her own mission suffer as a result of helping the Dalish. "I came here seeking help as a Grey Warden, Keeper. If I bring you Witherfang's heart and help you stop the curse from claiming your people, will you help me to defeat this Blight?"

"I swear to you, before all those witness here, should you save my people, I will gladly pledge the services of the Dalish to your cause."

She looked around at her companions, asking them all whether they were prepared for this task. When they had come here, it was not under the impression that they would be fighting as serious battle. She would not risk their lives without them being willing to fight. Zevran's steely gaze indicated to her he wanted to help them, and Wynne's pained look at seeing the pain these people were in showed her intentions. Carou barked at her in support and Alistair nodded at her, knowing they had little choice. They needed the Dalish, and if they had to take down a few werewolves to ensure that happened, then so be it. "We will bring back Witherfang's heart," she declared, crossing her hand over her chest.

Zathrian smiled gently, taking her hands in his own. "Long ago, your people welcomed one of our clans without a second thought, embracing them as part of your own. We have guarded the secrets of your people as ferociously as we protect our own. To think that a Tamer will be the one to save us from this menace is a great honour, and repaying you by helping you end the Blight seems meagre in comparison. _Tai meina, _Warden."

"My name is Arria, Zathrian, please call me as such," she said, pulling her hands away. She had heard the stories from her childhood, of how the Nileesan people had once sought out all the Dalish clans and taught them their language, should they ever want aid or to join them as brothers and sisters someday. To hear Zathrian speak her language, even though she perfectly understood elven, gave her a sense of belonging. Among the Dalish she was accepted, even revered. It made such a pleasant change to what she was used to.

* * *

Before they had left, Zathrian had ordered Varathorn, the Dalish weapons master, to help Arria and her companions. As such, Alistair had been outfitted with a new shield, his old one unable to be repaired after the Wardens' duel and Zevran had received new daggers made of silverite. It was more than Arria had words for. As they left, another elf, called Athras, asked them to find his wife, Danyla. She had been among a group of hunters who had not returned, and Zathrian had told his she was dead. He hadn't been convinced, and asked the Wardens to discover the truth, regardless of what it might be. She had left with a promise to do so.

Now they were in the forest itself, feeling slightly humbled by the enormity of it. "Arria, how was it they knew what you were saying? That was Nileesan, wasn't it?" The question came from Alistair, who was walking at her side, Carou on her other.

"Nileesan and Elven are very similar as languages. The roots of the Nileesan language come from Elven, as such it can be figured out from just a general nudge in the right direction. Actually, just after the Dalish clan join my people, some messengers were sent out to the other clans, teaching them our language so that they could use it if they ever needed help, or vice versa."

"So that knowledge had been passed down? That's pretty cool. Did you know about it?"

"I knew the stories of when they originally did it, but I didn't know if they would still know. Apparently my people are thought of highly amongst them."

"Of course they would be, my Dancer. You are thought of highly by all elves." Both Wardens turned to Zevran, who was walking ahead of them. "You are a society who respects elves the same as anyone else, of course you would be well respected."

"I…never thought of it like that," she said, a look of amazement coming across her face. "Do you think that way, Zev?"

"I have always had respect for you my Dancer, from before I met you. Only now, I have respect for you as a person, rather than just for belonging to a specific race."

"I-Thank you, Zevran," she spoke earnestly, a gentle smile on her face. Zevran bowed theatrically, earning a giggle from Arria and gave a meaningful look to Alistair, who didn't interpret it as threatening, but he knew what Zevran meant. She was precious and he better look after her.

The quiet moment was ruined as Carou snarled, seconds before a pack of werewolves surrounded them. Everyone readied themselves for battle as one of the creatures stepped forward, glaring at them. "You are not welcome here," it snarled.

"It talks?" asked Alistair quietly. Everyone else was just as shocked.

"Leave this place, now!"

"Not until we stop the curse," declared Arria, staring at the creature defiantly.

"We will not let you hurt the Lady of the Forest. You will suffer, just as those who follow Zathrian have! Kill them!" The werewolf fled, leaving his companions to attack the Wardens' group. Zevran and Arria leapt away to spread them out as Carou charged straight at one, ripping it's throat out. Wynne stayed back to back with Alistair, casting spells at some while smacking any that got too close with her staff. Alistair soon cleared a path and ushered her away to safety, drawing them to him in an attempt to protect Wynne.

Arria and Zevran dodged between the trees, waiting for the werewolves to swing and miss before they killed them with precision. The pair danced around each other, baiting the creatures to attack one while the other made the killing blow. They took down several using this tactic before three charged at once. Arria launched her Spirit magic at the creatures, dazing them long enough for the dual wielders to bring their blades across their throats, ending their lives in a bloody mess. They looked at each other satisfied, until a soul-wrenching scream tore through the air.

They spun around, Arria gasping in horror as she saw one of the wolves had clamped onto Alistair's left shoulder, swinging him around like a rag doll, slamming him into a tree. "_Alistair!" _she screeched, bloodlust tainting her vision as she slew all the other creatures, mercy no longer on her mind. In spite, she sliced off the arms of the one who had attacked him and stabbed it in the stomach, twisting harshly to cause it the maximum pain before leaving it to perish. Zevran and Wynne dealt with the few that remained, leaving Arria free to rush over to their fallen companion. "Alistair!" she was relieved to see him sit up, but there was an alarming amount of blood from his wound. "Wynne!" The healer was already on her way, Arria helping Alistair to slip off his armour as she got a better look. It was deep, the flesh torn in several places and she could see the relief on his face as Wynne's magic began to work.

The mage's face soon turned pale at the wound refused to heal completely. Arria looked at her concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I can feel it. The curse, it's inside him," she whispered sadly.

"What?!" Arria felt her heart tear as Alistair's own eyes turned fearful.

"I am so sorry, but he's been bitten. He has the curse, and if we do not find Witherfang quickly, he will become just like them."

Arria's eyes turned despairing as Alistair cupped her cheek, insecurity shining through his own. The pair were locked in their own little world as they both thought of what this meant. This was no longer a quest just to save the Dalish, Alistair's life depended on their success too. If they failed…Arria couldn't stop this Blight on her own. If they couldn't find Witherfang, then Ferelden was doomed.

* * *

Translations

_Haira, mi kessa- _Greetings, my kin.

_Li ecalle cur fe sur palltanne – _I have come for your help

Sorry to leave it on such a cliffhanger, but I've been dying to do this chapter for ages. Please leave me your thoughts (preferably not that you want to kill me…) and I shall see you all next time! I will upload soon, I promise.

Negative Angel


	23. Pushed to the Extreme

Well, I think I caught most of you with my little twist there. At least nobody can accuse me of just copying the original storyline! The reaction was fantastic, special thanks to **Melysande, Eve Hawke, Lady Mimzy **and **Kid-X** for your amazing reviews.

I didn't realise just how hard this chapter was going to be to write until I got started. It took a few attempts, but I think I have finally found something I am happy with.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

Now, I bet all of you are dying to see how this ends. Well, you can't reach the end without some sort of crisis in this story. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 22: Pushed to the Extreme**

The group had continued on through the forest, keeping their pace as fast as they could, but soon came to realisation that they had to rest for the night. In this place it was even less advisable to journey under darkness, or as Zevran had put it, "It would be like walking through a spiked room with a blindfold while drunk". In other words, they didn't really stand a chance without the light to guide their way. Arria wanted to press on, conscious of the time limit hanging over their heads, Wynne's gentle words had brought a small measure of calm to the storm in her mind but it would not stop her. Even Carou had whimpered at her, willing her to pause to recover her strength, but she steadfastly ignored him, more than willing to charge against the werewolves herself it that was what it took.

It was Alistair's hand on her arm, his hazel eyes piercing deep into her own that had eventually caused her to relent. Not a word had been spoken between them since the incident had occurred, neither knowing where to start or what to say. Both were acutely aware of what would happen should things take a turn for the worst; it wasn't just both their futures, or _their _future on the line, but the fate of Ferelden itself rested on the outcome. He had seen the haunted look in her eyes, like this whole situation was very familiar to her, and while he was desperate to ask her about it, he so far hadn't found the words.

Zevran and Arria set up the camp in silence as Wynne had looked over Alistair. "I'm sorry, but it seems as if that wound may not ever heal fully," she said quietly, glancing over the scar left from the bite. It wasn't ugly, but it was certainly noticeable.

He shrugged his shoulders before throwing his tunic back on. "Just another to add to the collection I've gathered over the years I suppose, thanks Wynne," he replied earnestly, standing and walking back to the heart of their camp. Zevran was still setting up the tents while Arria was starting a small fire. She heard the snapping of twigs beneath his feet and turned her eyes towards his own, Alistair barely able to conceal his reaction to what he saw. She was afraid, unlike anything he had seen before. Arria didn't give him the chance to ask about it however, for she swiftly stood and leapt up into a tree, leaning back against it at such an angle that no-one could see her face. He watched her sadly, knowing that something was eating away at her, but unlike everything else she had inside, she didn't know how to deal with this. So instead she sat in silence and isolation, trying to filter through her thoughts. Since they had met Alistair had never felt as alone as he did right then, where for once she was shutting him out.

"How do you feel?" The quiet question had come from his elven companion, his usual Antivan cockiness toned down to something which almost sounded gentle.

"Apart from the remains of the punctures to my shoulder, nothing yet," he replied, still watching Arria, hoping she would turn to face him, for surely she would have heard he was right beneath her. "It is almost surreal, knowing it is there, but I can't feel it at all. If it weren't for Wynne's assurance that she had felt it there, I might have wondered if I had got away with it."

Zevran chuckled. "Many of our companions have been tested, now it seems it is your turn to face your mortality, my friend."

Alistair laughed lightly, amused at Zevran's perspective. "Yeah, now to see if my luck holds. I survived the Joining, surely I can beat this."

The elf slapped his back lightly. "Fancy joining me as I hunt for some dinner? We Antivans are known for our appetites."

The male Warden scoffed. "I bet I could put you to shame. I've got a few good stories of my early days as a Warden to back it up too."

"Oh? Now I am intrigued. Maybe you could share them with us over our meal?"

He made one last glance at the tree: Arria still refused to acknowledge him. "Yeah, maybe…"

* * *

Wynne chuckled as Zevran laughed deeply at Alistair's story of his early days as a Warden, back when they all found their temporary voracious appetite. Even Carou had sniggered next to Alistair's leg, which had amused everyone there, unaware that the dog could do such a thing. "So tell me Alistair, when does such a thing occur?" asked Wynne, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Alistair sat deep in thought for a few seconds. "I think that was five weeks after I became a Warden that happened, lasted for a month. All through that time, it amused everyone else to no end, but they had all been there too so they could empathise with the feeling."

"I'll be getting there soon then." The quiet voice from up above caught everyone's attention and they diverted their gaze just in time to see Arria land lightly on the ground again. Carou barked happily and ran to his mistress, but it changed rapidly to a whimper as he saw the look in her eyes. She petted his head briefly as she walked past, joining their group but sitting on her own while staring into the fire intensely. Everyone else watched her, noting her silence and the sadness written all over her face, but unlike before where there was defiance in her actions, she seemed defeated. It took a few minutes for her to speak again, but she would not raise her eyes to anyone.

"This isn't the first time I have faced them. Werewolves I mean." The others were shocked, but nobody dared interrupt her, lest they risk her not finishing her tale. "Just before I became a Captain of the Citadel Guard, I was assigned as part of the Wanderers: a small bands of guardsmen who travelled all over Nileesa, dealing with a variety of matters. We were all powerful warriors, at least First Class in our primary skills, but we were a small group, just over sixty in total. In my unit there was seven of us. There were myself, two Artists, two Guardians, an Ironfist and a Saviour who doubled up as an Elemental. We were good friends, but we were mostly deployed around Merlinne herself, it wasn't often we were sent on distant missions. One time we were however, and it changed everything.

"Another unit had been sent to the Northern Shelter - a heavily forested area in which the wildlife was under protection to save them from extinction - after we had reports of several animals showing up dead for no apparent reason, mauled to death. Thinking a predator had made its way in to the sanctuary, they were deployed to find it and restore the area. After five days we hadn't heard a word from them, so my group were sent to investigate. When we got there…we faced what I could only say was a Tamer's worst nightmare.

"We never discovered how they got there, but there was an pack of werewolves running rabid through the forest. As we searched for our comrades we laid waste to a few, but only after discovering that our power had no effect. I wasn't expected to be able to Tame them, but most of the others were First Class Tamers, so it was rather disconcerting when we realised we had no control over them. We found two of them, apparently unharmed and in hiding; they told us that the others had been killed. After deciding to kill all the remaining creatures, while informing Merlinne what was going on, we began the extermination."

"You killed them all?" asked Wynne quietly, not in an accusing tone, but curious as to their logic.

"Werewolves were never meant to exist, they upset the natural order, much like the darkspawn, so we came to the conclusion that destroying them was the right thing to do. Oh how I wish we had asked for back-up.

"Two of my unit were caught in an ambush with the remains of the other group and all of them were bitten, though none of them confessed. It was only as we were approaching the edge of the forest that we discovered the truth, and our nightmare began. When they began to submit to the curse, they began to lose control of their powers. For the Artist of my men and the Sniper and Guardian of the others, it wasn't too dangerous. Where the real danger lay, was with the Elemental: he was a Master, and as such he knew the most fearsome spells. And when he began to lose the fight..." Arria shuddered, remembering with startling clarity the look in his eyes as he moved from Nileesan to werewolf, no longer one of her own people but something caught between.

"What happened, my Dancer?" asked Zevran, coming to sit next to her and wrap an arm around her as she drew in a stuttering breath.

Arria fought against the memories and emotions which had been dragged up with them: she would give in once they knew what could happen. "As he became more werewolf, he lost control of a fire spell which can only be learned by a Master. We called it the Meteor Strike for a reason, the force behind it could wipe out a town about the size of Redcliffe in one go." Everyone else's eyes widened in mild horror as Arria continued. "It began building, we could all feel it as well as see it, and ran for our lives. We only got so far before he lost complete control, and the inferno was unleashed. The two Guardians used all their energy to create barriers which would protect us…" Tears began streaming down her cheeks silently, her voice just about holding, "but when it was over, one had died under the strain, the other on the verge. We lost him before we could get help. Eight men died because of those things, eight of my good friends and comrades were lost to that curse." She raised her eyes to look at Alistair, who had been watching her from across the fire, and he could see the storm of emotions within while carefully masking his own. "That is why I will not stop until we find Witherfang. I won't let that happen again, least of all to you."

Finally understanding her intensity from earlier Alistair shifted position, Carou going with him and sat next to her as Zevran moved away. She went willingly into his arms as he hugged her, while Carou placed his head on her lap. Arria smiled slightly as he quietly rumbled and kissed his head as Alistair kept an arm securely around her, his thumb stroking her bare waist. It seemed a much more tender move than usual and she fought back the tears as they threatened again. "There is one thing that confuses me, Arria." She raised her gaze to meet Wynne's question. "Why could you not tame the werewolves?"

"Despite our skills, not everything is tameable. While most animals are receptive, there are some which we call "feral". Their spirits have been tainted beyond the point of all trust, and they refuse to acknowledge us, so it isn't completely unknown for our Taming skills to be ineffective. Normally, it is only a single creature however. We could only guess that the werewolves could not be tamed since they are not entirely animal, they are something between creature of the wild and a person. Because of that mixed blood, they are resistant."

"It is a pity, your Taming talents would be handy here."

Arria chuckled bitterly. "Even if it worked, I couldn't help. I can't Tame anything bigger than Carou, my 'skills' would be useless here."

Alistair scowled at her tone of voice. "That's not true. Maybe your Taming couldn't help us but you are still the best fighter here, that alone is an assurance."

She turned tear filled eyes towards him. "It didn't help you. And now-"

All at once Alistair saw just what is what she had been warring with: her own guilt. He kissed her briefly and pulled her in for a tight hug, whispering gently in her ear so that she would let it all out. A few tears fell, but she kept otherwise silent and lost herself in the feel of him. Wynne and Zevran watched sadly, seeing for the first time just how insecure Arria was inside, despite how she carried herself. Zevran stood and walked to edge of their little camp and Wynne prepared to join him, but she smiled back at the Wardens first. "The two of you rest, we will take the first watch."

Alistair nodded and guided Arria back to her feet, before leading them back to their tent. He sat on the floor, watching Arria carefully as she looked torn. He could see her reluctance to rest, fearing the time they would lose but he held out a hand for her, relieved when she took it and knelt before him. Alistair helped Arria out of her armour before she started to even marginally relax. He took a light hold of her chin and encouraged her to look at him, noting her resistance to meet his eyes. "Arria?" His quiet question caught her attention, but she kept her gaze away from his own. "Why won't you look at me?"

Alistair could feel the tension in her body as she answered. "That is where you can see it, the curse. It is the first thing to change."

"Arria." Unwilling to let her keep getting more upset, he leant forward and moved himself into her line of sight. She couldn't move fast enough, but the minute their eyes met he could feel the immense relief wash through her. "See anything?"

She shook her head. "No, just you. I'm scared, Alistair."

He brought her in for a gentle kiss, not missing how she relaxed into the gesture. She smiled slightly at him, the first time she had done so since he had been bitten as she sat back, the pair content just to sit in silence as their actions relayed their thoughts. Arria lifted his tunic slightly, and he helped her remove it as she shifted to sit behind him. Her fingers danced lightly over the scars from the bite, and she didn't miss how he shuddered at her touch. Words could not express how much she appreciated that he respected her boundaries, that he allowed her to find her own way towards a new level to their relationship. Lips replaced fingers and she felt as well as heard him take a deep breath at her actions. His skin felt different with her lips and she loved not only the feeling, but seeing how such simple moves were affecting him. It gave her a slight pride as a woman again, but she knew it couldn't go any further than this.

Arria pulled away and looked at his back fully, for the first time able to see how many scars he too held. Alistair felt where her hands skated over and realised her focus had shifted to. He leant back into her touch slightly as he explained. "Training incidents. We didn't always have access to a healer, and in the early days I wasn't quite so good as getting out of trouble."

"You still don't know when to duck," she pointed out, a teasing edge to her voice.

"I was never taught that, just how to defend. Although with you that doesn't exactly work," he answered while moving his hand to stroke her leg beside him.

"Guess that's something I am going to have to remedy, aren't I?" She moved to sit in front of him again, examining his front in the same way she had done with his back, smirking as he backed away slightly when she came across a ticklish spot. Unlike last night, however, she wasn't going to exploit it. When his own hand came to rest on her stomach, she was surprised but didn't shy away from his touch. He began tracing some of the lines on her stomach, and his eyes asked the question since words weren't needed. "Mostly Garros, taunting me in such a way to push myself harder. A few were battles, one of two of them were Tomerre. They are memories of home and I will not hide them, I will not shy away from my identity anymore."

Alistair smiled with pride and placed a single kiss to her forehead. "_Mittalla, Arria. Mi en cassa." _

"_Sur es cerre?"_

"_Aila, mis cerre." _Alistair pulled Arria towards him and she went willingly as he lay back, taking her with him as they settled in to sleep. She couldn't help but trace her fingers lightly over the remains of the bite, but Alistair soon grabbed her hand and looked at her. "This isn't your fault, Arri, you were busy trying to keep yourself alive. Like you said, I just don't know when to duck yet." She wasn't convinced but she snuggled in closer, shifting her hand to instead rest over his heart. "How long until I start…?"

"It took four days for them to lose control, and that was when we finally noticed."

"See, I've got plenty of time. We'll find Witherfang, don't worry."

She prayed he was right, because she couldn't bear the thought of seeing him turn. It was bad enough knowing it might happen, but if it did…Arria would tear down this forest bit by bit until Witherfang was found.

* * *

The next morning had barely begun when Arria was jolted awake inexplicably. Her head still partially clouded by sleep, she took a while to regain her senses – she hated the mid shift simply because it meant they got two short snatches of sleep – but when she did she froze in place. Alistair's sleep was fitful, but that was not what had caught her attention. Subconsciously, his Templar abilities were reacting to whatever he was seeing in his sleep, because she feel the change in the air. While she tried to figure out the best way to wake him without triggering something far worse, the choice was taken out of her hands. A small Smite was released and Arria screeched in pain as the force pushed her back.

Alistair was shocked awake by her cry and was by her side in a moment, worry evident in his eyes as she bit back against the searing pain through her body. A few whimpers made it out and she curled in on herself as she tried to find some relief: her blood feeling like it was boiling. Alistair pulled her into his arms and held her gently as her body continued to spasm uncontrollably as the effects passed. He was beyond confused and when she finally managed to drag in a deep breath as her muscles relaxed, he brought her eyes to meet his own. "Arria, what was that?"

She coughed slightly as she tried to get her breath back. "You are a Templar, Alistair, and I am part-mage." He didn't quite see what she was getting at. "You released a Smite. Not a big one, but enough to certainly harm."

His eyes widened in horror. "I don't even remember doing it."

"You were asleep. I don't know what you were fighting, but before I could break you out of it you used your abilities. Gah…I'm only part-mage and this hurts something fierce, I forgot how painful Smite was…" A light went on in her eyes and she looked at Alistair in mild panic. "Wynne."

He was up and out of the tent in seconds, only to find Zevran helping Wynne back to her feet. "Wynne! Are you all right?"

"I am fine, Alistair, just a small dizzy spell. It is fortunate that Smite was so small, is Arria okay?" she responded, suddenly remembering that since Arria actively used magic, she would have been affected as well, probably worse due to her proximity to Alistair at the time.

"I'm here, Wynne. Muscles might be screaming in agony but I'm otherwise fine; while you may have been further away and thus felt the only the outwards effects, my magical abilities are much less powerful, as such it affects me less." She could see the guilt swimming in Alistair's gaze and she quickly hugged him, hoping to dispel any fear he still held that she was injured: they had been lucky that he had not lost full control. The incident had given them a suitable reminder that they were running out of time however, and they quickly packed up to continue onward.

It had barely gone midday when they came across another pack of werewolves, and Arria recognised the one in the lead. He was the one who sent his companions to attack Arria's group. Hate bloomed in her heart briefly at what he had caused, but she reigned her temper back in. "Where is Witherfang?" she demanded, no longer willing to show any sympathy to these creatures.

"You serve Zathrian, you wish to see an end to us," he snarled in response, not missing the sharp tone of Arria's voice.

"I seek an end to the curse, and that can be achieved with Witherfang's heart. If that is what it takes then I shall cut down all of you as I find him," she snarled back. The others were surprised at her change in temperament, but never before had they seen her so emotionally involved. This time she had so much more to lose personally should they fail.

"Retreat! Return to the Lady! The forest will deal with them," he signalled, the werewolves following his instructions without question as they disappeared into the fog.

"Stop!" Arria raced in pursuit, ignoring her companion's cries to wait as she felt her chance to find Witherfang slipping away. As Zevran made to pursue her she suddenly reappeared from the same path, grinding to a halt before she could collide with her companions. Her eyes widened in surprise, much as their own did as she turned to look at the path again. She whistled on Carou and the hound went with her as she ran into the fog again, reappearing just as she had done before. Confusion overcame her as she looked back at the path once more. "What is happening?"

Wynne stepped forward and closed her eyes, her features relaxing as she reached out to the forest around them. She walked past Arria and into the mist ever so slightly, reaching out to try and grasp it. "It is a defence mechanism: this fog is unnatural and enchanted, no doubt to protect the werewolves within. It is enacted by the forest itself."

"Wynne how do you know that?" asked Alistair, feeling slightly strange after their second encounter with the werewolves. This time he hadn't perceived them as a threat, if anything he had felt more relaxed, and it scared him. First letting loose a Smite in the camp and now feeling more comfortable around the werewolves than his companions? The curse was beginning to move rapidly, and he wondered if he had four days.

Wynne did not answer him, but she looked at Arria meaningfully. She instantly twigged what she was getting at. _The Spirit _she mouthed to the mage, who nodded in response. "So what do we do?" Zevran asked, watching the forest around him cautiously.

"We must find a way of fooling the forest into thinking we are no threat. Perhaps there is something or someone around here who can help us?" suggested the healer, not missing the steely edge to Arria's eyes. The more time that went on the deeper her hatred for the beasts went, and the less control she had over herself. It seemed Alistair wasn't the only one they had to worry about.

Arria nodded sharply in response and split their group, sending Carou, Wynne and Zevran to the North while she and Alistair headed South. Carou had protested but she persisted, Zevran could not be expected to protect Wynne alone and she needed to have a long talk with Alistair. She hadn't missed his reaction to the werewolves, and she had to know just what was happening to him. If he was changing already then they would have to move even faster. The two of them walked a few metres apart as they searched the woodland for anything which might help them. If they had any idea what to look for it might help them, but she was also conscious that they could not stray too far, lest they risk losing their way back. After about half an hour of walking, they decided to turn back and Arria couldn't help but notice how quiet Alistair was.

Just as she began finding the courage to try talking with him about what changes he had noticed, he abruptly stopped and looked backwards. "Alistair? What is it?" she asked, puzzled by his actions. She looked in the direction he stared, but couldn't see anything. "Did you hear something?" A little confused an unnerved she placed a gentle hand on his arm, but the next thing she knew he was pulling her in for a passionate kiss. Surprised, she surrendered to it, but was slightly scared when he backed her up against a tree. She felt trapped, but when she went to push back against him he grabbed both her hand and pinned them above her head with one of his own. Arria tried to get them out, knowing her full strength to be greater than his in a single arm, but was unable to break free of his grasp.

She looked into his eyes and her breath caught in fear: his eyes were tinted gold, the same gold of a werewolf.

He had already began to change, and that was translating into his actions now. Her whole body went rigid as he looked at her with pure lust. Now that more animalistic instincts were beginning to take hold, he was acting on emotions he had kept suppressed. In the wild, there was no such thing as consideration: the weak were victims of the strong, and the strong took what they wanted from the weak. And right now, Alistair wanted something from Arria which neither had dared to tread towards.

"No, Alistair please…" she begged, hoping her pleas would reach his ears but he wasn't responding, the werewolf curse completely taking over. Unwilling to strike out and hurt him, she struggled in an effort to deter him, but he pinned her harder against the tree, as his free hand raked over her bare stomach. She shuddered as it skimmed just under her armour and over the base of her breast, fighting unwelcome memories which were making themselves known. The last thing she wanted was to be afraid of him, but as he bit into her neck she screamed, whimpering when she felt him lap at the wound. Whether she was now a victim of the curse because of the action didn't even cross her mind, but when his lower body pressed up against her, she felt his arousal and the discovery gave her new strength as she fought desperately to get free, no longer concerned with not hurting him. She just had to get away before this went somewhere they couldn't come back from. "_No!" _

Arria managed to squirm and get a knee out, bringing it up and colliding it with his side. He recoiled from the blow and as their eyes met, he managed to briefly break through. Alistair's eyes wavered between his own hazel and the gold of the beast fighting to get out within as he saw the pure terror in Arria's eyes. She had collapsed into a small ball at the base of the tree and wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to fight memories which were threatening to swallow her whole while shaking uncontrollably at what had almost happened. His heart ached at the revelation but he didn't have the chance to dwell on it as the curse struck again, advancing another stage to something far more serious.

Arria's lungs felt like they had frozen as Alistair screamed in agony and she felt the air change around her. It was eerily similar to the events of this morning, only in much greater force. "Arria!" she turned to see Wynne, Zevran and Carou running towards them, their attention having been drawn by her cry of pain from earlier. Wynne gasped as she felt the manipulation of the air and Arria shouted to them.

"Zevran, get Wynne out of here! He's losing control of his Templar abilities, and this time there is a chance it could be fatal to Wynne! Carou, go with them!" With Wynne already fragile, she wouldn't risk the older woman's life. "When the curse breaks through to this stage, the spirit guards which limit people's power are broken too. In other words, a Templar's Smite can kill a mage!"

Wynne's eyes widened "Arria, come with us! You could be killed too!" Since Ostagar and they had shared all of their secrets, Wynne had grown very fond of the young Nileesan woman and respected her.

"I can't I need to try and buy you more time to take shelter. I am only part-mage, I should be fine. Go, please!" Zevran looked unsure, but he followed Arria's instructions and dragged Wynne away, Carou barking at her in refusal. "_Gisana, Carou!" _She didn't want to have to use her Taming abilities on the Mabari to force him to leave, but there was no telling how much damage would be caused if she couldn't stop Alistair. His powers may not only be spiritual anymore. Carou whimpered and fought her command, but soon her will overpowered his and he ran in pursuit of Wynne and Zevran, howling sorrowfully as he did so.

Arria looked at Alistair and he was knelt on the ground, hands clutching his head as he yelled in pain. She was still terrified from earlier, but she couldn't let fear hold her back here. There was far too much at stake. Shoving it aside as best she could, Arria crawled forward and placed her hands over his own while looking into his eyes. She could see it flickering between hazel and gold as he desperately fought the curse, unwilling to give in to it lest he cause more harm. The guilt there pierced her heart and she could see he was aware of everything going on, but had no control over his own actions. "Alistair you've got to hang on!" she urged, holding tighter and wincing as the energy began building again. There was no way Zevran would have got Wynne far enough away yet, she needed to buy more time. She forced their lips together and sensed the growth stutter, their connection giving Alistair new strength as he continued his fight. Arria pulled back and locked their gazes, conveyed her emotions with her eyes as they often did. Alistair just managed to stay with her for a few more seconds before she saw the brief flash of despair and apology as the gold finally took complete hold once more. She didn't even have time to acknowledge it before the Smite burst forth, hurtling her backwards through the air and crashing through some smaller trees. Alistair's body crumpled under the physical exertion and he passed out, unaware of the fate of his female companion.

Wynne felt the release and turned her eyes backwards as it rushed towards them. The small group managed to dive down behind a small overhang and the rock absorbed much of the impact, though Wynne still clutched her chest hard and struggled to breathe for a full minute before she managed to at least regain some of her normal functions. Zevran passed her a Lyrium potion from their small supply and she downed it in one, glad to feel her mana return. She paled as she thought of Arria; if she had reacted this badly from this far away… "We must return, the Wardens could both be in serious condition." Zevran nodded and helped Wynne walk on the way back, the physical strain taking its toll from all the running they had done while Carou dashed on ahead.

When the Mabari made it back to where he had last seen the Wardens, he howled pitifully, a signal to Wynne and Zevran that whatever they were going to find was not good. He padded over and sniffed Alistair, discovering him to still be alive but unconscious, though the dog's first instinct was now to growl at something unnatural. Carou raised his head and searched for his mistress, eyes coming to land on a stretch of thin trees snapped from high in the air. He barked frantically just as Wynne and Zevran arrived. Zevran knelt next to the male Warden and felt for his heartbeat. "He is alive, somehow. I cannot believe that a single Templar can hold that much power," he stated in awe, never having seen anything like it before.

"Normally they do not have access to such strength, but as Arria said, when the spirit seals are broken and the full force of the soul is unleashed, we do not know just what power it contains," said Wynne, her heart dropping as she saw what had Carou panicked. "Stay with Alistair, I will find Arria, she will need the help." What Wynne was afraid to say out loud was that it might already be too late for her.

The elder mage found the female Warden sprawled out on the ground a great distance away, her limbs broken into horrific angles and lying much like a discarded doll. When she finally got close she felt sick as she saw Arria's face: her eyes were fixed open and sightless, while from the amount of blood around her she would surely be beyond all healing. The spirit inside her cried out in denial in chorus with her own feelings, and she poured both her own healing magic and that of the Spirit of Faith inside her to bring the young woman back from the abyss. She discovered Arria was not yet dead, but her mana was locked in a way she had never seen before, giving her the appearance of death. She healed all of Arria's physical wounds, wincing as she saw her arms and legs mend themselves while the Spirit of Faith freed her mana, giving the young woman life again. Arria dragged in a breath and briefly screamed in pain from her injuries before she mercifully fell unconscious, allowing Wynne to complete her healing without causing her further agony.

When it was over, Wynne sagged in exhaustion and collapsed from her knees to a sitting position. That had taken nearly everything she had, and she knew the spirit too had drained itself greatly. From what she could feel, she reckoned she might had reduced what little time she had left to no more than a week. Her eyes fell to the unconscious woman beside her and she smiled gratefully: if this was to be her last meaningful act then she was glad it could be this, saving the life of one of the two people who could save Ferelden. "Wynne!" She didn't bother moving as Zevran came to rest between both women. "What happened?"

"She is lucky she had so little magic. Had she any more, I surely would have found her dead rather than nearly so. Come, you must carry her back with us. How is Alistair?"

"Our male Warden seems to be fine for the moment. What on Thedas was that?"

"I believe the curse is progressing much faster than any of us expected. That seemed eerily similar to what Arria described in her tale last night."

"Pardon me if I am mistaken, but did she not say it took days to reach that stage?"

"Yes, something has accelerated his progress, and I fear he may lose his mind before we reach Witherfang. But come, we have no time to waste pondering such things. We must rest."

* * *

Arria was almost afraid to wake again after the searing pain she had felt in her body before, though she was relieved to find it all but gone. She opened her eyes unsteadily, blinking furiously against the light shining from the fire nearby. Night had drawn in since she had fallen in unconsciousness and she felt like crying over the lost time. That was half a day they had lost and Alistair-

Alistair. He had lost control. The curse had taken hold of him.

She shot upright and searched for him, eventually finding both Wynne and Zevran keeping a worried, but watchful eye over him. Arria joined them, her heart tearing as she Alistair out in a sweat while fighting through a fitful sleep. Zevran rubbed her arms as she reached out to her male counterpart, pulling back sharply at his clammy skin. "What is happening to him, Wynne?" she begged to know, completely confused as to why this was occurring. It was so different to all she knew and had experienced. Her emotions were a complete mess at the moment but she didn't care, all she needed to know what she could do to save him.

Wynne cast her healing magic out again, trying to ease his pain however she could. "I do not know, Arria, but something has advanced the rate at which the curse is progressing and his body is beginning to fail under the strain. Is there anything you can think of which is different from before and now?"

Her mind was awhirl with what it could be. Different race since Alistair was human, he didn't have expose to the Fade like her people had, he was a Grey Warden.

Arria's blood turned to ice as the answer clicked. _Alistair is a Grey Warden. The Taint… _"Wynne, what about the Taint? What would that do when combined with the curse?"

Wynne too paled. "Yes, the Taint must be behind it. My guess is that the Taint and the curse are incompatible, and as such the curse is growing in speed and ferocity to try and overcome it. In time, his body will collapse under the strain as it grows and one tries to destroy the other. He will die before he completes the transformation."

The female Warden felt her heart breaking as she took in what Wynne was saying. It all made sense, and from the research she had done about werewolves after her experiences, she knew that the full transformation normally took place fifteen days after the first bite. And considering Alistair had lost control in less than a day rather than in four and his decline would only get faster as the curse sped up in its attempt to overcome the Taint… "Wynne, how long does he have?"

She turned sad eyes to the young woman. "By this time tomorrow, we must have slain Witherfang and found the cure, else Alistair will be in the company of the Maker."

Arria couldn't take it anymore. With her confidence and heart in tatters she into the shelter of another set of nearby trees and cried until she felt she had no tears left to give. Zevran came and embraced her as she poured out all her suffering, sharing her agony at the turn of events with Wynne not far behind. The pair tried to console the despairing woman, unaware of that as they did so, Alistair awoke for a short time, his eyes clear of the curse as he remembered all the pain he had inflicted upon her earlier. Feeling he had failed in his bid to protect her, he surrendered to the curse, hoping it would end his suffering. "Forgive me, Arria."

His eyes shifted to a pure gold as his last shred of humanity vanished before he slipped back into unconsciousness.

* * *

As the next morning dawned, Arria could sense something was different. Alistair was up and staring into the canopy above while the rest were sleeping. She approached him nervously, knowing that he should not be up and about. "Alistair?" He turned face her, but she gasped at what she saw. His eyes showed he was now completely werewolf, but he still appeared human. Wondering what could have brought it about, she approached warily, remembering how he reacted the day before but somehow knowing things would be different. She was proven right when his hand came to caress her cheek, and he then nuzzled it affectionately. It didn't take long for Arria to realise where the change had come from. Yesterday, with the collision of his own personality and his animalistic instincts, he had seen her as something he wished to possess; now that he seemed to have a greater personal calm he saw her as something different. His mate.

She blushed but held her hand next to his cheek, smiling sadly as he leant into her touch. While he acted similar to her Alistair, he wasn't the same. This was something caught between, the remnants of the man who meant more to her than anything and the creature he was becoming. His mind and instincts were that of an animal, but his body was still that of a man. She became curious as to how much she could connect with him. "You can still understand me?" he nodded and her hope soared, maybe he wasn't beyond saving yet. "Do you know of anything that can help us break through the barrier of the forest? We still don't know how to progress." His eyes focused on her hands and he held them gently, slowing guiding them to his heart. She had a difficult time interpreting his actions. _Oh if only you could still speak to me…_ When his heartbeat fluttered under her hands, she realised it beat differently. A light came on in her eyes as she realised what he was getting at. "You are a werewolf, the forest should let you through. And if you don't perceive us as a threat, it should let us pass too."

He nodded gently and she pressed a kiss to his cheek. She ran and filled the others in on her discovery while Carou approached Alistair tentatively. He could feel the difference within the Warden and he still felt wrong, but now the threat he presented was gone. When Arria returned to them Carou recognised the change and retreated to guard Wynne and Zevran. An animal would always protect their life-mate: Carou knew Arria was safe in Alistair's care.

The group approached the fog, uncertain of how to proceed but Alistair led the way, walking straight through with the rest of them catching up so as not to get lost. They were shocked when the fog dissipated a few metres later, revealing a set of ruins; the barrier itself had not been large, but it concealed the werewolves' home perfectly. Zevran, Wynne and Arria all looked in wonderment at the ruins as Alistair started to walk on, but soon collapsed to his knees. "Alistair!" Arria was at his side in an instant, her heart hurting at the look in his eyes. His spirit was still intact, but his body was beginning to give in. He bit back a growl as Wynne came to his other side, her healing magic easing the strain on his body as best it could.

"I cannot do much more for him, Arria. He maybe has a few hours left," informed the older woman, not missing how Arria's eyes hardened.

"Then we shall find Witherfang before then. We have not come this far to let Alistair die when we are so close." She hooked his arm over his shoulders and help him back to his feet, worried at how his legs were still unsteady even now. It seemed the curse had leapt forward again, another burst like that would probably kill him. "Okay, which way? You are the only way we are getting through here." Alistair lifted his head and started to move slowly, Arria supporting his weight as best she could. While she would have appreciated Zevran giving her a hand, he was the only one who specialised in combat. Alistair could no fight in his condition and with Arria looking after him…

She considered changing tactic. If they charged in with their intent to take Witherfang's heart clear, then it would only end in a bloodbath. They needed to figure out their best strategy, but the best thing for that was time. Time Alistair did not have.

As they descended into the lower levels, she noticed she was steadily holding more of Alistair's weight until it got to the point where her own legs were about to give in. Zevran stepped in without a word and they swapped positions, Arria playing their lone warrior as they got deeper. It didn't take long until they reached the heart of the ruins, and to the werewolves themselves. They surrounded Arria's group snarling, but backed off when Alistair glared at them. Arria watched them carefully as she tried to evaluate the situation: it seemed the werewolves did not want to harm one of their own, but Alistair was making it clear he wouldn't let them close, not doubt thinking of them as a threat to her. She stepped forward and held her hand out as she did earlier that morning, letting the other werewolves see the affection he held for her before she stepped forward. It seemed they got the message loud and clear that she was Alistair's mate. "We come here searching for a way to end this curse. It has been a cycle of endless suffering, and we desire only to end it. Please, give us the chance to prove it," she spoke sincerely, hoping this would work. It was Alistair's last chance.

The werewolves stared at each other in confusion before one stepped forward to face Arria, but it kept enough distance to not come across as a threat. "We will take you to the Lady of the Forest. She can decide your true intentions." Arria bowed her head in gratitude and went to help Zevran as they were led deeper inside, the elf struggling on his own.

Once they entered the final chamber the group gasped in shock as they came face to face with something none of them expected. "Greetings, travellers. I am the Lady of the Forest," spoke the woman, black and empty eyes watching them closely.

Arria slipped out from helping Alistair and approached the Lady slowly. "You are a spirit?"

"Indeed I am, Tamer. I bid you welcome to this place."

"You know of me?"

"I once watched your people, long ago. Before this catastrophe began, and before I became chained to this forest."

"How did this happen? Zathrian was not exactly descriptive in how this came about, although I must admit to my shame that I did not ask very many questions."

The Lady raised an eyebrow at her. "An honest answer, Tamer, I admire that. Long ago, Zathrian and his clan of Dalish elves travelled through this area. They ventured too close to a human settlement, and the humans, prejudice and hatred burning in their hearts, took his family prisoner. His son was murdered before his eyes while his daughter was raped and left for dead. But a few weeks later, upon discovering she was pregnant by one of the men who had heaped shame upon her, she took her own life." Arria sighed and felt tears spring to her eyes, she could empathise with that situation better than anyone. "Zathrian, mad with grief and rage, summoned me forth and created the curse to punish those responsible for the atrocities. He chained me to the body of a wolf and set me forth to heap misery upon those who caused him such pain."

"You are Witherfang," she whispered in realisation.

"That I am. Now, I ask for your help. You have come, no doubt seeking my heart at Zathrian's request, is it true?"

"It is true. He asked for you heart so that we may break the curse."

"You now know the truth of this curse. It originates not only from myself, but from Zathrian too. As such, was are both bound in this cycle of senseless violence until it is broken. Those responsible for the horrors he suffered are long since dead, all those here are unfortunate victims of the curse."

Arria looked around in sympathy for the first time, no longer seeing them as wild beasts, but people who had their lives stolen from them. "Is there one among you named Danyla?"

"Yes, I am here." Arria spun to face a blue werewolf, joy springing forth that their search had not ended in heartbreak. Athras' wife was alive and living as one of the werewolves.

"Athras is worried about you, he asked me to find out your fate. When this curse is lifted, I shall take you home to him." She turned to face the Lady once more. "Why did you attack the Dalish camp?"

"They deserved it!" The angry cry came from her right and Arria glared at the owner: it was the same wolf who had faced her down twice and slipped away, the one she blamed for Alistair's suffering. While she may feel empathy towards the rest of them, he could not be forgiven in her heart. "They follow Zathrian blindly, like sheep. Now they know just how Zathrian lied to them."

"All you did was confirm their fears, you succeeded in doing nothing more than cement their fear of you and confirm everything Zathrian ever told them," she snapped back, an icy gaze focused on the werewolf.

"Hush, Swiftrunner," encouraged the Lady, and he duly obliged by retreating. "It is true we attacked the village, but only so that Zathrian would sit up and take notice of us. And here you are."

Arria sighed. "Only because we can to him asking for help. He would have left his people to die had we not come."

A scream from behind made Arria's heart hit the floor. "Arria!" She turned to see Alistair's last strength begin to fade, his body beginning to collapse under the strain of the Taint fighting the curse. The Lady directed two of her own to take him to distant corner of the room, examining him with her own power.

"Can you help him?" Arria begged, unwilling to believe he was dying in front of her.

"There is little I can do, this reaction is unknown to me. Never before has a Grey Warden been taken by the curse, as such I do not know how to counteract the effects." She drew a hand across his body briefly, and Arria watched apprehensively as he relaxed slightly, but the sweat was back and he looked pale. "I have done all I can, there is only one way to save him now. Break the curse."

"What must I do?" She would do anything.

"Bring Zathrian here, let him see what has transpired. If we can convince him to lift the curse voluntarily, then there is no more need for violence."

Arria nodded, seeing her logic. There was no way she would betray this spirit and take her heart, not when she had given her the answer she had searched for in trying to save Alistair. "I swear to you I will. May I leave some of my companions here?"

The Lady nodded. "Yes, you may, but you must return swiftly. His strength may give out any minute."

She nodded tearfully and looked to Wynne. The older woman pulled her in for a brief hug and smiled back at her. "I will keep him alive, now go. Bring Zathrian here, and let us end this."

Arria looked to Zevran and he nodded his readiness. Carou too was ready to go, not needing any more time before they departed. She looked down to her sleeping counterpart, her heart feeling heavy as she realised that if she didn't find Zathrian this would be the last time she ever saw him. Not caring who witnessed it, Arria kissed him and pressed her forehead against his own. "Don't you dare die on me, not when I have something I need to tell you," she whispered into his ear, not knowing if he could hear her but praying he did. She stood and ran swiftly, Zevran and Carou not far behind her as she raced to the surface.

She wasn't saying goodbye, of that she was going to make sure. There was no way she was going to let him die without telling him that she loved him. Arria cursed the timing of her discovery, but it gave her new strength and determination. This time, she was not going to lose everything she held dear.

* * *

Translations

_Mittalla, Arria. Mi en cassa – _Relax, Arria. I am all right.

_Sur es cerre? – _You are sure?

_Aila, mis cerre – _Yes, I'm sure

_Gisana – _Get away

Well, that unwittingly became a marathon, but I didn't want to split this any further, I didn't want to drag it out unnecessarily (although when I started I didn't anticipate a 9000+ word chapter!)

Please leave me your thoughts and feelings, this was definitely the toughest one yet.

Negative Angel


	24. Redemption

Special thanks to **Melysande, Eve Hawke **and **Kid-X **for your reviews last chapter, you guys are amazing! Now I bet you all are dying to see how this ends. I will make you wait no longer!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 23: Redemption**

The second they emerged into the light Carou took off towards the Dalish camp, as per Arria's instructions. Arria and Zevran were just behind him as they reached the surface but soon lost sight of him, Carou's barks guiding their way to Zathrian. As they ran as fast as their legs would carry them she couldn't get the image of Alistair on the edge of death out of her head. Knowing that every minute they spent in their search was another minute closer to his demise forced her tired and painful legs forward. She could rest when he was saved: to pause might mean finding him dead when they returned, and she was going to do everything in her power to ensure she would not lose him. Not when she at last knew the truth of the bond between.

It didn't take long for Carou to go beyond their range and when Arria realised she could no longer hear his barks her breath caught. _I've got to find him, _she thought, knowing that without Carou's guidance they didn't have a hope of finding Zathrian in time. There was no guarantee the elven Keeper was at the camp, but it was the only lead they had in their desperate search. Carou's sense of smell the only other resource they had, and if they couldn't find him then even if the Mabari found Zathrian, it was unlikely that the elf would follow him. Arria stopped running for a split second and looked around but Zevran caught her arm. "My Dancer, we must make a plan," he said breathlessly. Even with his immense stamina, this was the second time in a few days he had pushed his body to its limits and he beginning to feel it.

She glared at Zevran. "We need to find Carou, if we don't then Alistair is doomed," she snapped, unwilling to waste any more time.

Zevran held her shoulders. "Arria, have you thought about this? How do you expect to bring Zathrian back to the werewolves' lair? Surely you do not intend to drag him there?"

"If that's what it takes. I'm not going to take no for an answer: he will save Alistair."

He sighed internally; with Arria this emotional it was going to be difficult to convince her of anything other than charging in headfirst. When it came to those she cared for it didn't matter what the cost was to herself, she would do anything. "And what if he refuses? What if he fights us en route there and bests us? He is a mage, Arria. An Assassin and Dancer may be a good combination if we wished to kill him, but for capture that is another thing entirely. Your beloved Warden does not have the time for us to afford going about this the wrong way." Her fury receded slightly and the start of tears sprung to her eyes, but she banished them before Zevran could get anything more than a glimpse. "Perhaps we can convince him to voluntarily accompany us?"

"And how do you propose we do that?" A faint bark in the distance caught her attention. "Carou. He has found something. If you have an idea then tell me on the way there." The pair ran again, Zevran relaying to Arria his plan. It was risky, but she realised it might be the chance they would have. He was right, fighting Zathrian as just the two of them would be a recipe for disaster, and then any chance of saving Alistair's life would be lost. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest, as if to echo that time was running out.

Carou was not too far away, and when they reached him they were amazed to find Zathrian there with him. He seemed surprised to see them. "Warden, what is the meaning of this? Where are the rest of your company? Do you have Witherfang's heart?"

Arria caught her breath for a few seconds before answering. "Zathrian, what are you doing here?"

"I was concerned when you did not return. What has transpired?"

She took a few more deep breaths to compose herself. "We found…their lair. Witherfang, we found him, but we were ambushed by several werewolves. They have taken Alistair and Wynne captive and demanded that we leave them in peace, else they will be killed. Zevran and I can't take them on ourselves, I sent Carou on ahead to try and secure reinforcements from your people but to find you is even greater fortune. Please, Zathrian, come back with us and help free them."

The Keeper seemed to ponder her words. "You are sure Witherfang is among them?"

"Yes, we saw him with our own eyes, just seconds before we were discovered. Zevran and I just managed to get away, but not before they left us with a threat of what might happen to Alistair and Wynne should we return."

"Werewolves are mindless beasts, they cannot make demands."

"Witherfang himself can."

He paused. "What makes you think I alone am enough to tip the scales in your favour?"

"Every second we leave them there we increase the danger they are in. I have no doubt that they will not keep their end of the bargain: after all, you said it yourself. They are beasts, and if it is not advantageous to them then why should they follow through with a course?"

Zevran watched Arria with his mask firmly in place, impressed at her skills of deception. Had he not known the truth, he would have believed every word she said. However, there may still be some information they did not know, and that was the greatest risk with their play. One wrong move and Zathrian would know of their true allegiance, and thus they would lose their chance. Arria's nervousness was actually working in her favour here: her concern reinforced her tale, even if what she was truly worried about was not what she had allayed to the Dalish elf. It took a few more seconds before Zathrian nodded in acceptance. "Very well, lead the way Warden." Arria nodded and Carou led the way once again, Zathrian keeping pace with the Mabari's slightly more measured run.

He grabbed her arm gently and looked at her. "He is still alive, my Dancer. Believe that he will be saved, for I do."

"I-" Arria was temporarily lost for words, but knowing they could not linger she settled for kissing his cheek. "Thank you, Zev." It was all she could do for now to express her gratitude. They had a curse to break.

* * *

The group made their way into the ruins with no resistance, and while Zathrian may have been suspicious of the lack of werewolves, he should have been more concerned with his companions behind him. Arria and Zevran shared a knowing look before she leant down and whispered into Carou's ear. While the Dalish elf may have thought she was preparing him for battle, he was unaware of the true purpose. They made their way down the stairs to where Arria had described as the werewolves' lair, Zathrian pulling his staff off his back while preparing a fire spell. Arria and Zevran stood either side of the frame, their weapons drawn while Carou stood ready to pounce behind Zathrian. Zevran was ready to push the door open on Arria's signal, and the mage readied his spell to be launched. "Ready?" she asked quietly, receiving nods from both her elven companions but it was Carou's signal she was paying careful attention to. "Three, two, one…Now!" she cried, Zevran throwing open the door but Zathrian didn't have the chance to launch his spell. Carou charged into his back, forcing Zathrian to stumble forward and trip over Zevran's outstretched leg while Arria spun and kicked him into the room. He crashed to the floor and was just about to jump back to his feet when he heard the door slam and bolt behind him.

Zathrian stood again, glaring at the pair. "What do you think you are doing?" he demanded.

"Stopping a senseless cycle of misery and death," answering Arria harshly, meeting his own icy gaze with her own.

"You ally yourselves with these fiends? What lies have they told you?"

"None, they told us the truth about this curse. A curse you started in retribution against the humans who tore your life apart, and while I may not have any objections to whether it was proper at the time, those who were responsible for your heartache are long since dead. Has this not gone on for long enough?"

Zathrian snarled and made to launch a fire spell at her, but a werewolf grabbed the staff from his hands and snapped it between its great jaws. She was mildly surprised as she realised it was Swiftrunner, but she soon realised they were on the same side now. He was willing to do anything to see Zathrian end the curse, and she was just as determined. "You dare to judge me for my actions?" he spat while looking around to evaluate his situation, but paused when his eyes fell upon Wynne and Alistair in the corner. Putting the pieces together quickly, he laughed cruelly. "Well, since you have doomed the infected of my people to die, then I shall condemn your own too. I won't break this curse, if for nothing else to see you suffer for breaking our bargain."

Arria's eyes widened and her breathing stopped momentarily before blind rage took over. She kicked Zathrian in the cheek, hurtling him into a wall as she held a knife to his neck. "Undo it!" she screamed, making her point by just breaking his skin.

He smirked nastily. "I will take the secret to stopping this curse to my grave, ensuring it never ends."

She was prepared to snatch the blade across his throat before Zevran called out to her. "Arria! If you kill him then we have no chance of saving all those who have fallen prey to the curse. This is what he wants…if you kill him it shall never stop. Kill him and you kill Alistair too."

Her heart froze as his words sank in. Zevran was right, this was what Zathrian wanted. If he died, then his vengeance would live on forever, but how many more people would suffer in the future? Swallowing her anger, she yanked her dagger back and settled instead for punching him in the chest, enjoying it as she felt several ribs crack under the impact. Leaving the wounded elf to splutter against the wall, Arria sped to Alistair's side and it almost felt like time had stopped when she saw him. His skin was ashen white and clammy, clothes drenched in sweat and clinging to him while he was completely still. Wynne gripped her shoulder and forced Arria's focus onto her before the young woman could lose herself to what she saw. "His heart still beats, Arria, but it is beating its last. You must convince Zathrian in these next few moments or you will be the last Grey Warden in Ferelden."

Wynne's words gave her a sense of clarity and her will hardened. Dropping a single kiss to his forehead, she stood and faced Zathrian again. "The time has come to end this. All you have succeeded in achieving now is condemning innocents to a life of pain, revulsion and exclusion. You would sentence them to this fate?"

Zathrian pushed himself back to his feet with the aid of the wall behind him. "What do you know of my suffering? What do you know of the agony, the shame?" he snarled.

Arria's shoulders sagged and tears sprang to her eyes. "My brother and sister were murdered in my homeland, as well as all my friends. I came to Ferelden hollow and grieving, but my body and soul were intact. That changed…when I became Arl Howe's sex slave." Zevran gasped from beside her but she didn't care if he knew anymore, she was tired of hiding away and her words seemed to be connecting with Zathrian. "For months I was beaten, tortured, raped and humiliated in every way you could imagine. I was less than nothing to him, I was his _pet_…to be used and abused as he saw fit. The horror of those months…I will carry them for the rest of my life." She glared at Zathrian. "If anyone can empathise with your situation, it is me, and while I hate those who inflicted this upon me, I would never hurt an innocent in my quest for revenge, for then I would be no better than those who shattered my soul."

Her words struck a deep place in his heart, a place which Zathrian had refused to acknowledge since he enacted this curse. "It has been so long…I am not sure I can find it in my heart to share forgiveness, or to ask for it."

She smiled sadly. "It is not a case of forgiveness…but redemption."

His eyes met hers and she could see the change within. He faced the Lady of the Forest. "What of you, Spirit? Are you prepared to die?"

"I wish for only one thing, Zathrian, I always have. An end to this."

Zathrian nodded in acceptance and stood in the centre of the room, offering his hand to the Lady. She took it and they faced each other. "Let this curse now end, and may all those who have suffered at its hands be free. The time has come, Spirit."

"Come, Zathrian. Death awaits us both."

Energies began to swirl around the pair and it built for a few seconds to a blinding light, causing many around the room to shield their eyes. When the light died down, Zathrian collapsed to the ground and his body dissolved into dust, the years of cheating Death having caught up on his body. The Lady stepped back and smiled at all of the werewolves before she faced Arria. "Take care, Warden, for you hold the fate of Thedas in your hands. You are not alone in this great task." With those parting words, she faded away into the wind, the werewolves howling in grief at her loss.

Seconds later, they began to writhe in pain as the fur began to shed from their bodies. Arria stepped back in shock and Zevran caught her when she lost her footing on the uneven ground as they continued their reverse transformation. Humans and elves, male and female alike stood in the places of the beasts from before, all staring at each other in wonderment as they came to terms with their return to their former selves. Some hugged each other in joy while others wept in relief. Arria and Zevran shared a smile as they watched the newly reborn people begin to re-adjust.

Arria jogged off and sat next to Alistair with a smile on her face, but it soon vanished when he did not wake. She turned searching eyes to Wynne who shook her head sadly. "My magic had no more effect on him. I am sorry, my dear."

She choked back a sob and looked down at him while drawing a finger down his cheek. "No…" Tears began streaming down her face again and she lay her hand upon his chest, desperately trying to feel for a heartbeat. When nothing met her touch she spluttered slightly before punching his chest. "You stupid idiot! Why couldn't you hold on?! Why did you have to die before I could save you?! Don't leave me here alone-" Unable to hold herself together any longer she threw herself on his chest and began crying her heart out. Wynne brushed away a stray tear of her own and stood, giving the grieving woman some deserved space while Zevran came to stand just beside them.

Arria felt like she was dying, it was worse than any physical pain she had ever endured and could ever imagine. Her heart was breaking and it was destroying her from the inside. Raising her head to look at him she hated how cold he felt. Desperate to find one last shred of his spirit to carry with her, she cast out her Song. It was known that the recently deceased left behind an echo of their soul, last thoughts almost and she wanted it. If she could hold onto it then it would mean she could keep a piece of him with her forever. Pushing more of her own soul into her Song, she searched for any trace of him, and when she found it she almost recoiled in shock.

It wasn't an echo, his soul was still inside. He was alive.

"Wynne, quickly!" she shouted, not realising the mage was already right behind her. She knelt next to the young woman and rubbed her back soothingly. "He's alive! Please, Wynne, before he dies!"

"Arria-"

"His soul is still there, I can feel it. With the curse gone, you should be able to give him back his strength! I am begging you, don't let him die after all of this!" Wynne could see the desperation and belief in her eyes. Despite her own belief that is was Arria's wishful thinking he could still be with them, she obliges by casting out her healing aura. Her breath caught as she found a token heartbeat, barely detectable but proof that he was living. Quickly downing a lyrium potion she poured everything into bringing him back from the brink of the abyss. Arria moved back and was surprised to feel Zevran hug her from behind as they watched Wynne fight to save him. Minutes dragged on and they were unaware of their audience: the restored humans and elves all watched to see whether Death would claim another among them.

It felt like an eternity before Arria saw Alistair drag in a deep breath and she finally felt like she could breathe again herself. She smiled brightly at Zevran, who returned the gesture with his own gentle version. Wynne sagged slightly as she finished and Zevran moved to steady her. "I am fine, just tired." The mage smiled at the Nileesan woman. "He will wake soon and there is no trace of the curse. You have saved him."

Arria couldn't help it and threw her arms around the older woman, embracing her tightly. "Thank you," she whispered brokenly before pulling back and returning her attention to Alistair. Wynne smiled at the way Arria couldn't stop touching him, as if to stop doing so would mean losing him again. Zevran helped her back to her feet and the pair moved away to speak with the rest of the people there. Arria ran her fingers over Alistair's face and placed a gentle kiss to his lips before she began running her hands over his tunic. Wanting to check there was no lasting effects, she lifted it slightly and examined the skin closely.

When her fingers ran over a spot she knew was quite tender she was surprised when he flinched and laughed quietly. "Ah-hah, that tickles," he wheezed quietly.

She gasped and pulled her hand back. "Alistair?"

He groaned and turned his head towards her, squinting as he opened his eyes. "Ar-Arria? What happened?" Arria laughed brokenly before throwing herself into his chest, tears springing forth again as she felt his arms wrap around her. The relief within was immeasurable and she began kissing all over his face. Alistair laughed quietly and just managed to pull her away long enough to look into her eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked concerned, brushing away a few of the tears.

Arria waited until he was sitting up before answering. "I…I thought I had lost you." That was all he needed to know and they came together, kissing passionately. He was surprised at the emotion she poured into it: it was more than he had ever felt from her, other than that first broken kiss they had shared in the rain at Redcliffe. When air became a necessity she pulled back slightly and he got a glimpse into her eyes, seeing the storm of emotions within. Relief, joy, concern and, dare he day it, the beginnings of love shone back and he held her tightly, allowing her to relax into his embrace. These past two days had been extremely trying for both of them.

Neither realised they had an audience until one of the elves approached them, crossing her hands across her chest as she knelt beside them. "How can we ever thank you for what you have done?" she asked.

Arria sat up but had no desire to leave Alistair's arms and was glad when he kept an arm fixed around her waist. "No thanks is necessary, we did what was right. And although I may not agree with Zathrian's form of revenge, I can see why he did it…" Alistair looked between them confused, wondering what he was missing in the gap in his memory from that first night he had been bitten until now. "I think we should all head back to the Dalish camp for now, and from there everyone can return to their homes. Besides, explaining what happened will be easier with all of you present."

She smiled. "It will be good to return home. Warden, I have a request to make of you." Arria inclined her head for the female elf to continue. "Could you maybe…not tell the others of what transpired here? Zathrian did a lot for us over the years, and while he maybe let innocents suffer for far too long, he had a good heart. I wouldn't want his legacy to be tainted by the knowledge of what occurred."

Arria looked at her in surprise. "Danyla?" A nod was her response, at which Arria hugged the elf. "Athras will be overjoyed to see you returned safely. He expects us to bring back news of your death I believe, but to see you alive and unharmed will give him such joy."

"Athras…I will be glad to find some security in his arms again, much like you do from your love," she said while nodding at Alistair.

Arria smiled at Danyla as the elf walked away before she faced Alistair. "Ready to get out of here?"

He nodded but when he tried to get back to his feet he fell back to the ground rather theatrically, eliciting a laugh out of Arria. "Ow…guess that curse took more out of me than I thought." She shook her head and hooked his arm around her shoulder to help him up. "Wish I could remember more of it though."

She froze just before they stood. "You don't remember?"

"Nothing past that first night in the camp. It like this…fog has been put over the rest of it. I know it's there, but I wish I could grasp it."

Arria averted her eyes as the pair started walking. "I'm not sure you want to remember all of it." If he remembered what had nearly happened in the forest before he lost control…she wasn't sure he could forgive himself even though he was no longer in his true mind.

Thoughts of that event made her stiffen instinctively and Alistair felt her tighten. "What do you mean?"

"Just trust me, Alistair. There are some memories you are better without."

* * *

When the group returned to the Dalish camp Lanaya, Zathrian's first, approached them. With the help of the survivors the Wardens told her the tale of what happened in the forest. How Zathrian sacrificed himself, body and soul, to end the curse and save all of those present. While it not be the whole truth, it was no lie either. Accepting what had happened, she declared Zathrian's death to the camp and all their expressions changed to that of sorrow. The one exception to that, was Athras. As soon as his eyes had landed upon Danyla the two had embraced lovingly and a few smiles had broken out at the reunion. Only one other of the survivors was Dalish, but some of the other elves had expressed a desire to remain among their kin, even if they were not born into it. Lanaya accepted them into the clan gladly while the humans were all provided with supplies to begin their trips home. It was with regret that Arria had to tell three of them that their former home of Lothering had been destroyed and encouraged them instead to head to Redcliffe. They were all reluctant, but trusted her judgement and left just before night fell, anxious to begin their lives anew.

Alistair's strength had begun to fade after their return trip and Arria had insisted he rest, not fully recovered from the fight which had so nearly claimed his life. He had not argued for long and was asleep just after settling with Arria holding onto him tightly, but as soon as he was out of it, she had extracted herself from his grasp and left their lodgings. Now that the threat to his life had passed and the danger was gone, it gave her time to come to terms with what had happened. That episode just before Alistair had lost control had roared back to the forefront of her mind, and she was ashamed to admit it made her uneasy around him for the time being. For a few moments she had been helpless and unwilling to fight back against him, and that indecision had nearly led to something disastrous. Unwanted memories had awakened and she felt the desire to push herself to her limits, but after her promise to Alistair she could not do so, not without waking him and she had no desire to do so. So instead she would have to suffer in silence, especially since he had no memory of the event. It never needed to be revealed, she could blame her state on an emotional couple of days and he would have to take her explanation, even if he did not believe it. She would do anything to not have him remember and risk him pulling away.

As she wandered through the camp she was surprised to feel someone approach her, but she beamed as she saw it was Zevran. The elf greeted her with a kiss to the back of her hand as he often did and she playfully swatted him before wrapping him a tight hug. She felt something different in the way he hugged back and pulled away curiously but she could see the change in his eyes. He looked at her with something akin to regret and shame, and it didn't take her long to work out why. Determined not to let him take any of the blame for what had happened to her she wrapped her arms around him again and whispered into his ear. "You couldn't have changed what happened, Zevran. What is done is done, and while I may wish things to have been different for a long time, it wouldn't have brought me here. I cannot wish for it to never have been, for if I did I would not be here now. I do not regret this life, so please do not feel any guilt over my fate."

She could feel his smile as he stroked her hair. "My Dancer, I never truly appreciated your strength until this day. To survive such horrors…should I ever have the chance, I shall inflict the same pains upon the Arl as he has done to you."

Arria chuckled as she pulled back. "Get in line, Zev, you've got a few people who want a piece of him. Alistair, Lissa, Rod…He has quite the fan club now."

"And you, my dear? What of you?"

Her eyes darkened and she turned away slightly. "I want nothing more than to end him. Whether he suffers or not I do not care, I simply desire his end. Do me a favour, would you Zev? If you ever catch him, feel free to torture him however you like, but leave the killing blow for me?"

He crossed a single arm over his chest and bowed. "It would be my pleasure, Arria. Now, may I ask what it is you are doing out here, rather than being with your beloved Warden?"

Zevran did not miss the slump in her posture or the shadows which came to her eyes. "My memories are too close, Zev. I am always worried about tainting his goodness with the darkness I carry, and he needs the sleep right now. I need to somehow find an outlet for all of my emotions, but I just don't know where to start."

"Perhaps I can help? Maybe now I will finally get the chance to duel you properly, dearest."

She smirked. "You want to get your ass handed to you again, you mean?"

"I think not; I am different now, just as you are. I think you may find our skills to be much more evenly matched."

"It doesn't matter, you are still going to lose," she jibed, not missing the glint in his eyes from her challenge. Zevran would provide the perfect distraction until she could face her demons again. While Alistair may hold her heart, there would always be that special place which belonged to her oldest and dearest friend. He was her last tie to her former life and she wanted him with her always.

* * *

Alistair awoke with a start a few hours later and was relieved to see Arria was not with him. He dragged a hand down his face as the images burned in his mind and he scrambled to find his tunic. While it had presented itself as a dream, he knew himself it was anything but. In his sleep he had found some of the memories from his struggle and Arria had been right, he wished he didn't remember. He remembered hurting her with the small Smite in the morning, of how he had desperately wanted her and of when he lost control of his Templar abilities. What caused his heart to ache more than anything, however, was the look of pure fear which had been in her eyes just before the searing pain had torn through his body as he fought the curse. At that moment he had been one of them, one of the long line of men who had hurt her and he felt chilled to the core. To know that for a few seconds he had actually been thinking of- A shudder ripped through his body and he needed to get out of there.

As he stormed outside with his head in the grips of a thick haze he was surprised to find Wynne waiting just outside. "How do you feel?" she asked, analysing him carefully.

"Fine," he replied shortly, not really in the mood to speak with her. There was only one person he really wanted to talk to, but he wasn't sure how he could face her.

"You should really be resting still," she encouraged, not missing the worried flash in his eyes as he marched past her. "She is fine."

Alistair stopped briefly and rounded on Wynne angrily. "How would you know? You refused to see how broken she was all that time we travelled together and then shattered what little confidence she had gained. And you dare to tell me she is okay when you are completely blinded?"

Wynne tried not to take his outburst too personally, it was clear he still had not forgiven her for what had happened en route to Ostagar and with the stress of the past two days it was unsurprising to see him acting completely out of character. "Zevran duelled with her earlier, hoping to encourage her to let it all out as you slept. He could see she needed an outlet after revealing her suffering earlier."

"She…she did what?" he asked slightly hurt that she had turned to the elf instead of him.

"Arria revealed what happened to her in a last ditch attempt to save your life and break the curse. Zevran clearly did not know before then, and I think he needed the reassurance that she was all right as much as she needed to be pushed. Last I saw of them, they were talking by the lake." Wynne could see he was slightly crushed that she had not confided in him, but knew from what little Arria had told her earlier that something had deeply shaken her and she required the reassurance of a friend rather than someone more. She placed a hand on his shoulder just before she left with a few parting words. "Go to her, Alistair. You both need each other's comfort."

While he tried to hide how he felt about Arria seeking out Zevran rather than him, he knew it was a losing battle. Despite being fairly sure that Arria would not go for the elf in that capacity, he couldn't help the twinge of jealousy running through his body. He thought back on his gift for her in his backpack which he had been waiting to give her, and thought this might be the best time. After a quick return trip to retrieve it he strode towards the lake purposefully. It wasn't until he was closer that he found Zevran leaning against the tree, waiting for him. He suppressed the urge to glare at the elf when he didn't look smug as he expected. "Our Dancer is waiting for you," he said while standing to his full height.

Alistair hid his gift in the back of his belt before crossing his arms. "Did the two of you enjoy your little chat?" he snapped, wincing internally at how it came out. He hadn't wanted to sound jealous, but that was exactly how it had come across.

Zevran chuckled lowly. "Normally I would be offended, however there has been nothing normal about these past two days. She did not have the heart to wake you when you so desperately needed to rest, so I offered to give her a suitable distraction until you awoke. While my pride may have been wounded, to see a slight sparkle of confidence within her makes it all worthwhile."

The male Warden relaxed his posture slightly. "What did you do?"

"Duelled her, and was thoroughly trounced. It is good to see that despite all that has transpired, she still had that spark of life within her when it could so easily have been snuffed out. And I firmly believe that is down to you."

Alistair's shoulders relaxed completely as he regarded Zevran curiously. "Is there anything between the two of you I should know about?"

Zevran laughed heartily. "Other than an old and close friendship, there is nothing for you to fear my friend. I may hold a place in part of her heart, but the entirety of it belongs to you; I do not need our lovely Arria to tell me that when it is plain in all her actions."

"And do you wish there could have been more?"

"Perhaps, once upon a time, but to see her blossom under your care and protection is a joy to see. You see just how precious she is, and I am content to be but a pillar of support and a listening ear should she need it. Despite your best intentions, you cannot always be there for her."

Alistair smiled in acceptance and held out a hand for the elf. "Friends?"

Zevran grasped back. "Yes, Warden. However, should you hurt her, my allegiance lies firmly with her."

"Fine by me." The two looked at each other with a new respect as Zevran moved away and Alistair's last concerns about the elf vanished. He felt instead reassured that should anything ever happen to him that Arria would always have someone to watch over and care for her. With that knowledge he walked over the crest of the hill, his heart dropping slightly as he saw her sitting by the edge of the lake. Now the difficult bit…how could he possibly make up to her what had nearly occurred?

Arria was watching the gentle ripples in the water being reflected by the torchlight when she heard someone approach. She was surprised when she felt Alistair sit next to her. "Hey, you should still be asleep."

He looked away in shame. "I couldn't, not when…not when I remembered what I did…." She looked at him in confusion. "I remember, Arri. I know that I almost-" He cut himself off as he saw her eyes widen in recognition and turned away as the anger began building within him. "It scares me to think of what nearly happened. That I could have…I'm so sorry, and I just don't know how I can ever make it right. For a time I was one of them, and I swore I would never make you fear me."

When a gentle hand cupped his cheek and turned his head to face her, he was surprised when she smiled at him. "I don't fear you, Alistair. That wasn't you: maybe your body but that was the curse that had control of you then. I do not blame you for what happened, that was outside both of our controls. All we can do is make sure that we do not let it break what we already have."

"But-"

"No, Alistair. That was not your fault, and I know you would never hurt me." She could see the deep doubt within him and crumpled at seeing how deeply shaken he was. Seeking to comfort him as best she could she twisted slightly and brought his lips to meet hers, not missing how he for a split second tried to pull away as if he wasn't worthy but she held firm. It took several seconds for him to start responding and when he did she nibbled on his bottom lip to encourage him to let her in. When he did she slid closer and wrapped her arms around his neck in a desperate attempt to get closer. His own hold on her was tentative but he soon held her just as tightly as she did him, thankful that she still trusted him and felt safe enough to let him close.

Arria was glad to Zevran for having helped her see things clearly, she wasn't going to let the fear stop her from loving this man anymore. When they pulled apart she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him once more before sitting back to see him smile slightly. "There is something I have been thinking about for a while, and I wonder if you could help me with it tomorrow."

"Anything, name it."

"I was meant to take my Rite of Mastery just before my home was destroyed. I think I am finally ready for it."

He looked at her surprised. "Really? But how can I help?"

"For a Dancer, the Rite of Mastery involves a battle against at least three people, one of which has to be a mage. I won't ask Wynne since it is dangerous, but Morrigan would do. I would like you and Sten to be the other two compulsory warriors, but I think I'll ask Zev to join too."

"What does it involve?"

"I'll explain more tomorrow, but will you help me? It is dangerous, so I don't blame you if you say no."

"I'd be honoured, Arria." Sensing this might be a good moment to do so, he reached for the gift from his belt. "Arria, I have something for you." At her curious gaze her revealed it from behind his back.

She gasped at the beautiful red rose and fingered its petals gently. "Oh Alistair, it is beautiful."

"I picked it back in Lothering. Carou pointed it out to me the first time we were there, but they were not yet in bloom. When we returned, I could not bear to see such a thing of beauty destroyed by the darkspawn and I kept it, intending to give it to you when the time was right. It reminds me of you, in a lot of ways," he explained, not missing how her eyes lit up and her cheeks turned pink as he finished.

"Roses are my favourite flowers."

He couldn't believe his luck. "Really?"

"Uh huh. Some roses used to grow outside my home in Merlinne, and while many viewed them as kind of a freak of nature I always looked forward to when they came into bloom. They were called the Winter Roses since they only ever came into their own when snow blanketed the landscape but the colours captivated me. Their stems were a deep blue while the petals were snow white, their tips the same blue as their stems. I always used to pick one every day until they died and carry it with me, almost like a good luck charm since they never lived for more than a week or two even still in the ground."

Alistair filed the information away, an idea already forming in his mind of another gift for her. "I'm glad you like it. I wondered if you might think it was a little pathetic."

She shook her head and kissed his cheek. "No, I love it. Thank you." Her cheeks coloured again slightly and he wondered what could possibly cause it. "Alistair…what exactly do you remember from you time as a werewolf?" She needed to know if he heard her as he lay dying.

He turned thoughtful. "Not much after than second night when I let loose that larger Smite. It is all hazy, but I do remember with perfect clarity from when we made it into the lair of the werewolves, I think that spirit cleared my head a little." His eyes lit in recognition. "You told me not to die, that there was something you wanted to tell me."

Arria nodded shyly and swallowed slightly before she faced him. "I felt like such a fool for not recognising what I now know sooner, but at least now I have the chance to tell you. I couldn't say it knowing you might die, almost as if it would hurt less if I didn't let the words escape me." He looked at her confused and she sighed._ Enough stalling _she though. "Alistair, you've been so good to me, loved me like I never thought possible and I think you deserve to know the truth. I…I love you."

His mouth hung open as he absorbed what she had just revealed. "You-You do?" At her shy nod he laughed and stood while picking her up, spinning her around. Arria giggled at his reaction and held on tight while he expressed his joy. When he placed her back on the ground gently her pulled her in for a slow kiss, now sensing a difference in how she responded. She was giving him everything, no holding back and he felt so honoured yet unworthy of her trust, but he would make sure he was man enough to be what she needed.

When the pair parted they smiled with love shining out of their eyes. Tonight marked the start of something new, but with their deeper bond came greater challenges, challenges which they would overcome together. They weren't going to let go of each other after everything they had been through to get this far.

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I couldn't kill off Alistair, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself! (And you all wouldn't get to see how he and Arria move on from here). You know the drill, please leave your thoughts in a review and I will get started on our next chapter. It is time for you all to see just what Arria can do!

Negative Angel


	25. The First Rite

So, here we are, at the 25th instalment of my story. It is amazing to see the reactions of everyone as I take you through my little spin on DA:O, but we have a long way to go. At this point I have no idea how long this is going to go on for, but I know one thing for sure: the games have just begun.

Special thanks to **Kid-X, Melysande **and **Eve Hawke **for your lovely reviews to the last chapter. As always, you guys are amazing.

Now, I forgot to mention this earlier in my story when I did it the first time, but a few of the scenes throughout **Shattered Soul **are inspired from various pieces of music. Arria's Rite of Mastery here is inspired by the song **Aspiration **by **Future World Music**. It is beautiful track and I hope you will listen to it so that you can gain a sense of where I am coming from. In case you are all wondering, head back to the fight with Uldred for the first music inspired sequence.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

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**Chapter 24: The First Rite**

Arria couldn't stop smiling as she saw the first sunshine of the new day peek through their tent. Ever since her confession the night before her heart had felt so much lighter than she had ever known it to be. She couldn't help but almost feel happier now than she had done before her home had been destroyed, for now she had someone to share her heart with entirely. It still hurt to think of all that she had lost, but it seemed at long last she had found a something that made all the suffering worthwhile. A contented sigh escaped her as she nestled deeper into Alistair's hold, her smile growing at the feeling of his warm skin. She felt comfortable with him not wearing a tunic to sleep now and the skin-on-skin contact helped to make her feel safer, though it was not as if his presence did not do that already. Running her fingers over his skin lightly, she made sure not to wake him by brushing over a more sensitive area as she kept her mind on the thoughts which kept her awake through much of the night.

Now that they were growing steadily closer, Arria couldn't help but think about how this was going to affect their relationship. While their interactions were fairly physical already, there had never been any sexual intentions to any of their touches. That episode in the forest had frightened her more than anything since they had met, but while it had chilled her blood at the time, it had served to show her something. Alistair did want her, though he respected her boundaries enough not to push. In the back of her mind she knew she was beginning to want him too, but the thoughts of taking things further made her feel sick and it was frustrating her to no end. She didn't want the months at Howe's hands to taint what she and Alistair now had but it seemed it was going to be the greatest hurdle they were going to have to overcome.

Thoughts of her months of captivity dimmed her happiness slightly as she realised there was still so much that he did not know. While all the scars he had seen were indeed from combat, there were some in much more…private places which he had not seen: wounds which while maybe not always inflicted by Howe himself, were always executed in his presence. He had always enjoy watching her suffer, but his biggest thrill seemed to be making her scream, and sometimes she had just enough willpower left not to cry out at his usual treatment. When that happened he sometimes would have his men beat her, cut her; once they had even whipped her, and it was those marks above all else she was worried about Alistair seeing. Back when she still regularly fought in retaliation she had once landed a lucky shot to Howe's crotch, and while it had given her great joy to see him squirm in pain, it had led to a day of agonising pain and humiliation. Her breasts and legs had been struck repeatedly with a whip: when it was over she couldn't even walk on her own and had been dragged back to her cell. The damage to her breasts was healed before the next treatment but her legs had been left to recover on their own, and as such it left her unable to resist. Knowing that to fight back again would lead to a repeat, or maybe even worse, she had then stopped. It was better not to retaliate, not if that was the cost.

As if he could sense her dark thoughts even in his sleep Alistair's grip on her tightened slightly and she grinned into his chest. Somehow he always knew and she giggled quietly at the feeling of being protected. Her hand shifted towards his left shoulder and she traced the outlines of his scars. The pair had gone to Wynne earlier, asking now that the curse was gone if she would be able to fix the rest of the damage but a few seconds into her attempt she had shaken her head. Alistair was going to live with the scars for the rest of his life, and while they may fade, they would serve as a permanent reminder of just how close he had come to dying. The memory of how it felt when she thought he was lost still caused a deep tear in her heart, but to feel his strong and steady heartbeat beneath her fingers now reminded her it hadn't happened. That had been another reason she had been reluctant to sleep: she feared a nightmare that made the near miss seem like reality. Sometimes they felt just too real.

Feeling like some fresh air, she placed a light kiss first to the scars and then to his lips as she used all her stealth skills to leave their tent without waking him. The Dalish camp was already active though some of the elves still slept as they began to go about their business for the day. Many of the elves smiled at her as she walked past and she bowed her head in gratitude, glad to feel relaxed about her identity in a larger group. Denerim would be a big test for her: it would mark the first time since revealing her identity that they had been among a human civilization for an extended period of time and while she was worried one of her companions might accidentally let something slip, she had faith that they would protect her identity. As she wandered down towards the lake where she had spent so much time last night, firstly with Zevran and later Alistair, she spied a female elf looking stricken over a herd of halla. Knowing the beasts somewhat, she approached to offer her services. "It there anything I can do to help?" she asked gently, seeing the growing panic in the other woman's eyes.

"Oh! I did not see you there, _kiselle,_" she replied, not missing how Arria smiled at the term of respect. 'Kiselle' meant 'revered one' in the Nileesan tongue: it seemed Lanaya had been speaking highly of her after breaking the curse. "Actually, maybe you could help me. One of my halla has been frenzied for the past few days and I was worried she might have contracted the curse, but today it has changed and she seems reluctant to move or acknowledge me. If I get too close she has been warning me off, perhaps you would have more luck."

Arria nodded. "My Taming skills aren't great, but I'll see what I can do." The Nileesan woman approached and instantly saw the fearful yet protective glint in the halla's eyes, threatening the Warden not to get any closer. Arria whispered a few words as she got closer, kneeling before the creature and extending her hand to see if the creature would allow her to approach. Sensing that Arria was no threat, she relaxed slightly but kept her gaze fixed upon the young woman. The female elf watched from the side in amazement as the Warden managed to coax the halla onto her side to allow her to examine her. Arria pressed against her side gently and when she saw another halla huff in warning from off to the side, she caught on to what was going on. With a small smile she stood and left the pair as they curled up together. "She was worried about her mate since he was the one who was bitten, but now that he is safe she is using this time to relax in preparation. You should be ready for the arrival of another halla soon," informed Arria, smiling at how the elf's eyes lit in joy.

"She is expecting? This is marvellous news! Thank you, I feared she might be dying but to know she is about to bring a new life into this world…It is truly a gift."

Arria's eyes dimmed slightly. "Yes, yes it is." She nodded her farewell and wandered back to the camp, her heart aching at the loss she had still not yet come to terms with fully. Since it hit her on the way back from Ostagar they had not found much time to themselves between the destruction of Lothering and the events which had occurred here. When she had the chance she would cry until her heart finally felt like healing, but she suspected it might be months, maybe even years before it stopped hurting. Her thoughts lingered on the two beautiful children she had seen, the people that perhaps she and Alistair could have made together someday, and her heart grew heavier as her eyes met a group of elven children running about the camp. Of all the things stolen from her, this felt like the worst theft of all.

A probing set of eyes met her own and she gave a very half-hearted smile to the elder mage who sat amongst some of the elves in the heart of the camp. Wynne encouraged her to sit next to her and the younger woman accepted the invitation as a story was told to those sat around. She listened with interest as the tale of the Dalish when they lived as part of the Dales was told, of how they found a new home and were then forced out after an Exalted March was called on them, knowing the feeling of uncertainty well. The Chantry and the Nileesan people always had a fractious relationship and it had never been too far from anyone's minds that they might face the same fate as the Dalish. Hearing the events from the side of the victims was very different from everything else she had heard.

When it was over Arria pulled Wynne to the side and away from the group out of respect of their discussion. "Do you know where Carou is? I haven't seen him, and it isn't like him."

Wynne chuckled as she remembered the dog's antics earlier in the day. "When Zevran left to fetch the rest of our company as you requested, he surprised all of us by wanting to go with him."

That caused Arria to pull back in shock. "Carou went with Zevran?" She was completely shocked that her faithful Mabari would leave her side, but then she thought back on their time in the forest. Towards the end, he had stopped viewing Alistair as a threat and he left her protection to him. That was very unlike a Mabari, unless they were certain their owner was safe. She realised that he must still think that now: Arria would always be in safe hands with Alistair nearby. A tinyl smile escaped her and she suspected Carou knew long before the two Wardens did just how deep their connection went, and it gave her no small measure of reassurance.

Curiosity now satisfied, her blue eyes pierced into the older woman's ones. "Wynne, there is something I have to know. When you healed me back in the forest, how far gone was I?"

Wynne took her time in answering. "Had you been found by anyone else, you would have been beyond saving."

"So you did use the Spirit to bring me back. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't sure. I have to thank you, because you did that at great cost to yourself."

Wynne chuckled. "You need not thank me, my dear. I did all that I could."

Arria's eyes sharpened. "How much did it drain you?"

"Arria-"

"Please, Wynne."

The elder mage wanted to tell the young woman to leave it alone, but she knew that Arria would not, even if asked to. With a sigh of relent, she answered. "My time remaining on Thedas now numbers in days. I fear that Denerim will be the point at which I leave you all to greet the Maker."

Arria gasped and paled as the announcement settled. "Days?"

"Indeed. It seems that bringing you back from near death has hastened my own significantly." At the look of guilt in Arria's eyes Wynne placed her hand on the other woman's shoulder. "I would do the same again in a heartbeat, Arria. While I seriously misjudged you over much of our time together, I have come to see just how genuine you are, and how pivotal you are to the survival of Ferelden. I firmly believe that it will take the effort of not just you and Alistair individually, but the strength you give to each other to see an end to the Blight. I hope I have now redeemed myself in at least a small way."

"Wynne…" There was no way she was going to simply let the older woman die, not after everything she done to ensure not only her own survival, but Alistair's too over this past week. "There must be something I can do."

Wynne shook her head. "I do not expect you to do anything, Arria. This is my fate, and I embrace it willingly."

Arria grabbed Wynne's hand as she was about to pull away. "Wait a minute, I can do something. I am a Songstress, normally my abilities weaken but they can heal. I haven't learnt the Life Chorus yet, but I'm not trying to heal physical injuries. Maybe I can channel the energies of the Fade directly into the Spirit."

"Arria, I cannot allow you to do this."

"I don't care what you say Wynne, it is my choice to do this and I will not let you die after all you have done for us, not when I know I have not exhausted every option."

Wynne was about to argue further, but she saw the determination in the young woman's eyes. Something about the way she way staring at the older woman hard relayed that she would not take no for an answer, so Wynne choose to accept graciously instead. Arria smiled at her and pulled them to a slightly more isolated area of the camp. What she was about to do would not doubt alarm several others, and she wanted to protect Wynne's secret as best she could. While she was comfortable with Wynne being a Vessel, she knew the idea would be alarming to others. More than once when a Vessel had been discovered outside Nileesa they had been mistaken for an Abomination, leading to them being hunted down and killed. She did not want such a fate to befall her comrade.

Arria instructed Wynne to stand a few feet away from her and focus on the Spirit, bringing it closer to the surface. She did as she was asked and waited patiently as Arria began singing quietly, trying to not draw too much attention to them. What neither woman knew was that Alistair had emerged from the tent in search of Arria, and was now a silent observer from a distance as he listened to Arria sing. It was just as he remembered from before: beautiful yet haunting and he could almost feel a change in the air around them. A glyph appeared at her feet as it did the last time he bore witness and was surprised when he saw an identical one appear below Wynne as well. The symbols began to rise up and surround both of them as Arria's voice changed. It seemed to grow in power, but sounded quieter than it had before. When he saw a stream of what appeared to be light reveal itself from Arria's body and move through the air to connect with Wynne he gasped in shock, realising that she was passing energy from herself into the older woman.

The stream steadily grew brighter until finally it detached from Arria and was absorbed by Wynne. Arria's legs buckled slightly but Wynne caught her and helped the Warden steady herself as the aftereffects rippled through her. It took a few seconds for her to regain her balance completely, but when she did she faced Wynne. "How do you feel?" she asked wearily.

Wynne looked at her in wonderment. "Ten years younger. What did you do?"

"A weaker interpretation of the Life Chorus, passing energy of the Fade between us instead of life energy. I recharged the Spirit as best I could."

"My dear, I think you might have given me enough to last for many years to come. I never expected anything such as this, how can I repay you?"

"Wynne, you have saved my life several times over, but you have also saved Elissa, Alistair, Rod…I think it is about time that someone saved you." Wynne smiled through tears of gratitude and hugged the younger woman tightly. Arria responded to the gesture but pulled away after a short time, still not completely comfortable with such close proximity with everyone. The mage understood better than she gave her credit for and soon left the younger woman in peace, choosing to investigate a disturbance at the other end of the camp. As she got closer, her eyes widened and she muttered a few words of disbelief as she approached someone she had long thought dead.

Arria leant back against a tree and shut her eyes as she surrendered to the exhaustion making its way through her body. She was still vastly out of practice with her Songstress abilities and she knew she would have to focus both on them and her Spirita powers to improve them in the future if they were to be of any help, but today was for something entirely different. Nerves were beginning to build in her stomach at what it was she was about to face, but she knew it had to be done. Her current skills weren't enough: she was going to need the Master ability of the Dancer to be able to regain her former strength. The time she spent in captivity meant she was always going to have that seed of doubt inside of her that never existed back in Nileesa, and she had to break through that barrier somehow. Before Merlinne fell she was meant to take her Rite of Mastery, and she had doubts even back then; surprisingly though, her nerves this time were not about the Rite itself, but what should happen if it went wrong. There was a reason that Dancers and Artists were among the rarest Masters alive. Now, how to tell Alistair and still get him to agree to take part?

Feather lights hands on her arms caught Arria's attention and she opened her eyes slowly, smiling as Alistair appeared from behind the tree. He could see she was weary and just watched her with a gentle smile, not missing how she now seemed totally relaxed in his presence again. It was a great relief to see that things were not awkward between them despite what had happened. Arria let her eyes slip shut again as he caressed her cheek, moaning slightly in pleasure as he pulled her in for a sensual kiss. In the back of her mind she could not help but see the parallels from when he was part-werewolf to now, but unlike then, she did not feel trapped. Alistair was making sure not to place too much of his weight on her and left her hands free so that she could make a quick escape if she needed it. When he pulled back she smiled at the small ripples of excitement coursing through her body. It was something still very alien but she enjoyed it, despite the fear of where it might lead to; Alistair knew her boundaries, he wouldn't push them. "Can you walk?" he asked quietly, and she suddenly realised he must have seen her using her abilities. Biting back a groan of frustration because she would now have to explain everything, she nodded. Alistair stepped back and held a hand out for her, which Arria took to help pull herself away from the tree. The minute she tried to take a step however, her standing leg buckled and it was only Alistair's quick reflexes which saved her from hitting the ground. "Should have figured you would say yes regardless of whether you actually could," he jibed while swinging his left arm under her legs to carry her bridal style.

Arria blushed at how easily he lifted her but buried her face into his chest to hide her embarrassment. "Okay, so I really don't know how to admit my limitations," she responded lightly, squirming and giggling in his arms when he tickled her. "Alistair!"

He smirked. "Sorry, golden opportunity I couldn't pass up." The glare he received was playful as he carried her back to their tent and gently placed her sitting on the ground as he shut out the Dalish camp. Their eyes met and she knew this was going to be a serious conversation. "So, is there something you feel like telling me? I get the feeling you are hiding something."

Arria hesitated for a few seconds but then told Alistair the truth about Wynne. How she had died in the Circle Tower and was later brought back by a Spirit of the Fade, how she later saved everyone with her powers back in Ostagar and how Arria had restored her energy after their dealings in the forest. Realising she was holding back on something more serious, Alistair looked at her seriously. "What is it you have left out?"

Her stomach dropped, hoping he wouldn't have picked up on it. "Left out?"

"There is no way Wynne's powers could have dropped that dramatically in the forest, even with her healing me frequently, so what is it you aren't telling me?" The fearful look in her eyes stirred a memory: of when he was about to lose controls of his Templar abilities and release a Smite far too powerful for a mage to survive. Arria had stayed right next to him to give Wynne time to get to safety, but the cost had been her taking the full force of the burst. His breath caught as he remembered how she had been thrown back through the trees, out of his sight, but he had known at that moment without seeing that he would have seriously hurt her, if not- "Oh Maker."

She knew he had figured it out and threw her arms around him, her heart hurting at how he trembled in her hold. "I'm fine, Alistair. Wynne found me and saved me, everything is fine."

"Everything is fine? That is twice I could have killed you!"

Sensing his despair and guilt she pulled him instead into a fierce kiss, using her lips to show him just how alive she was. He was slow to respond and she moved a hand to his tunic, slipping it beneath the fabric to graze over his bare skin. When he just concealed a groan she knew she was treading a very fine line. This was a moment she had been dreading, pushing things further, but she knew that their normal connection might not be enough this time. If she didn't push the boundaries they could never see how far they could go. Swallowing back the rising fear, she kissed him harder, willing him to lose himself to the sensation of them being together. Eventually he kissed back with equal passion and tangled his hands in her hair, desperate to bring her closer to him. He wanted so badly to place them somewhere else but still didn't fully trust himself at the moment. As they pulled apart, he placed their foreheads together, unwilling to let her completely break their connection. "How bad?"

Knowing he deserved an answer, she sighed before answering. "Had Wynne not had the Spirit, I would have died." She saw a lone tear escape him and brushed it away swiftly. "This is why I didn't want to tell you, I knew you would carry the guilt with you just like you have done since Kinloch Hold." They both knew he hadn't forgiven himself since being controlled by Uldred where he had been but seconds from fatally stabbing her. "See me Alistair, see that I'm here and safe. You would never willingly hurt me, I know that. I am not afraid of you." Willing him to see the truth in her words, she leant back and tugged his tunic over his head, admiring his bare chest briefly before she crawled back towards him. "I'm not afraid of you," she repeated, seeing how he was warring with himself internally. He wanted more, and she owed it to him to take this leap of faith, to prove her belief in him. "I trust you," she whispered on his lips, willing him to close the gap between them. When he finally did and poured all his doubts into the kiss, she knew this could end one of two ways. They could move forwards or backwards but she was tired of being caught in the middle. Howe's hold on her had gone on for long enough.

Alistair pulled her back with him and they both lay down on their sides, never breaking the kiss as hands moved to new positions and Arria intertwined her legs with his, needing to feel him closer just as much as he needed her. She ran her palms down his chest as his hands settled on her waist, rubbing slow circles over the bare flesh. A shiver passed through her body and he momentarily paused, unsure if it was through fear or pleasure but from the way she kept kissing him he suspected it was the latter. When her hands moved to cup his face she guided him closer, causing him to encircle her back as she closed the space between them. Alistair fought with himself to keep control at the feeling of her pressed completely up against him: even though she was fully clothed they had never been connected like this anything other than innocently. Today it had a whole different meaning and he was petrified he was going to do something which would send her back to those months of horror. If he rushed this it could backfire disastrously, but as she kissed him harder he stopped hesitating. Arria believed in him, and he should reward her courage by at least trying.

He started tracing thin lines on her back with his fingers and Arria pulled away from their kiss to sigh in pleasure. Trying something new, he began kissing along her jawline and nudged her head tentatively, asking her to tilt hers up. She obliged and he began pressing his lips gently along her neck, smiling into a few as he felt the ripples of pleasure through her body. Knowing that pushing too hard might result in her reacting badly, he pulled back and allowed her to take the lead for a while. Arria appreciated the gesture and replied by mapping out his chest with kisses. Alistair bit back a deep groan as she continued her exploration, her gentle touches driving him steadily more mad. When he realised he couldn't take much more without doing something he might regret, he pulled her back up to meet his lips, trying to tone down the intensity. It seemed Arria felt the same way and went with him as the kisses went from passionate, to sensual and finally to their usual gentle ones.

As they parted Alistair began twirling a piece of her hair between his fingers while looking at her. "Where did that come from?" he asked, knowing she would normally not have been able to handle that.

Arria sighed and snuggled closer into him. "We don't know how long we have left, Alistair. After I thought I'd lost you-" She drew in a deep breath, not wanting to spoil the moment by bringing forth tears. "I'm tired of letting what happened govern my actions. I want to take control of my own life again, not have Howe hanging over me anymore. If I let him stop me from healing, then he's won, and I won't let us lose everything we've worked for so far." When his arms came around to encircle and protect her, she smiled into his chest. "Thank you."

He didn't need her to explain anything more and kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome, and if it ever becomes too much, or I am going too fast, please tell me."

"Don't worry, I will. Come on, I think you need more sleep to recover."

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "I don't think I'm the only one who needs sleep after you helped Wynne."

Arria chuckled. "Okay, guilty. We should have at least a couple of hours before Zevran and Carou return with the others."

"Hang on, Carou went with Zevran by his own choice?"

"Uh-huh, and I think that speaks volumes. A Mabari won't normally leave their owner unless asked, not unless they think that person will be completely safe. What do you think that says about you?" At his blank look she shook her head and pecked his lips. "It means Carou thinks you can protect me just as well as he can, and I believe that is the best vote of confidence you might ever get."

Alistair smiled as they settled in for a few more hours sleep, his heart feeling much lighter. If Carou believed he could keep Arria safe, then surely he could.

* * *

When they re-emerged several hours later, it was to find the rest of their company having arrived in the Dalish camp. Arria giggled as she saw Bodahn with Varathorn, the dwarf's eyes alight with joy at all of the elven wares he could see while many of the other elves were curious to see what items the merchant had to sell. It was nice to see him in his element, not having fully had the chance since Redcliffe. A bark from the distance signalled to her that Carou had spied her, and she knelt to greet him as he bounded towards them. Arria laughed as he licked her face, but was even more surprised when Alistair received the exact same treatment. The male Warden was totally stunned but at her knowing smile he realised this was Carou's way of accepting him, and he felt privileged.

Leaving Alistair and Carou behind, Arria went in search of the people she knew she would need the help of to complete her Rite. Her first two stops had been easy. Sten accepted with a short nod, relishing the chance to see a Nileesan fighting at their peak and Arria suppressed a laugh as she swore she saw the slightest spark of excitement in the eyes of their qunari companion before she asked for her second combatant. Morrigan had been intrigued at what the female Warden told her and agreed to participate with a curious smile. While the two of them weren't exactly friends, they did have a mutual respect for the other considering their heritages and it gave Arria the chance to see Morrigan fighting undistracted, wondering just how different her knowledge was.

Next came the person she dreaded speaking to the most, but was relieved to find both Alistair and Zevran together, speaking pleasantly. It surprised her that they were so easy around each other considering Zevran had shared his suspicions that Alistair was jealous of their closeness, but it seemed whatever tensions there were between them had been resolved. "Ah-hah! My Dancer, how are you?" asked the elf cheerfully, leaning in to kiss the back of her hand.

Arria smacked him lightly on the shoulder, earning a laugh out of Alistair. "I am fine, Zevran. Actually, I've just managed to enlist the help of two of our companions for something very special, and I was hoping that the two of you might help me complete it."

"Your Rite of Mastery." At Arria's raised eyebrow he explained. "Your beloved Warden has already informed me of you intent, but I know that you require only three people. Why include me as well since I assume our lovely Alistair would have been your first choice?"

Her eyes twinkled as she noticed Alistair blushing behind Zevran, obviously still not used to his humour. "I may only need three, but I wish both of you to be there. You are both very different types of warrior and you will push me to my limit."

Zevran accepted with a nod of his head as Alistair came in closer. "All right, now that you've got us both to agree, do you mind telling us what this Rite involves?"

She hesitated: this was the part she had been dreading. "The Rite of Mastery for a Dancer or Artist involves them making use of their most advanced ability. It is something called Fade Shifting."

"Fade Shifting?"

"In other words, our mind stays in this realm while we move our bodies partially into the Fade. It means we are still visible, but that physical objects can't hurt us for as long as we remain there."

Alistair's eyes widened. "So you become invincible?"

"More like untouchable. But, it has a rather serious price tag attached to it if you get it wrong."

"What do you mean?"

Zevran stepped in. "To pull off a Fade Shift requires exact precision: shift too little and you remain vulnerable, shift too far and your body becomes stuck in the Fade permanently. The same applies if you remain in the Shift for more than a few seconds."

The male Warden paled. "So this could kill you?"

Arria sighed. "Yes, in theory it could. There was a reason there were so few Master Dancers and Artists in Nileesa: the ability itself is dangerous, but also what we must do to prove our Mastery is arguably even more so."

"Dare I even ask?" The more he heard about this the more her regretted agreeing.

"We must Fade Shift three times. I'm not worried about pushing it too far, I know where the limit is. What I am concerned about is that in making sure I don't get myself stuck that I don't push far enough, and leave myself a sitting duck. We must throw ourselves into two attacks, one magical and one physical, using only the Fade Shift to dodge while using it one final time as part of an attack. Achieve all three of them, and you become a Master."

"But you can't defend yourself in any way when you Shift?"

"No, so if I don't go far enough…I could get seriously hurt."

"This sounds like as much a curse as it is a blessing."

"It is, and you haven't even heard the most serious drawback. For us to be able to Fade Shift, we must already be moving, it is our momentum that allows us to pull it off."

"So if you are standing still and caught off-guard…"

"Yeah, I can't use it. All of the Master skills are the same: if used incorrectly, they could kill you. That is why becoming a Master is so revered."

Alistair was silent as he absorbed all of the new information, but Zevran sensed the two might need a few minutes alone, so left Arria with a kiss to her cheek and went to join Morrigan and Sten in preparation. Knowing this was a lot for him to accept, Arria stepped closer and took hold of his hand. "Alistair?" He looked up and met her gaze. "Are you okay?"

"Apart from being petrified this might kill you, yeah, I'm fine."

She smiled and kissed him gently. "I'll make sure I don't charge at you. Morrigan and Sten know I'm going to be using them as those I have to dodge because I don't want to put you and Zevran in the position where you are forced to attack me when I won't defend. I'll be attacking you and Zev, so you just have to fight me as you normally would when we spar."

"I'm still not sure about this."

"Alistair, I was meant to go through this before I lost my home. Back then I was nervous, thinking it might be too soon. But now, I know this is what I have to do; I have to move forward and give everything I have to end this Blight. Please, believe in that I know what I'm doing."

Swallowing back his doubts, he kissed her hard before pulling back. "You better pull this off."

He received a wink in response. "Consider it done."

* * *

Everyone present for the Rite was now gathered in a glade just outside the Dalish camp, offering Arria less of an audience for what she was about to attempt. Varathorn and Lanaya had requested to bear witness to the event after hearing about it via her companions and Arria agreed for them to watch. She may not want everyone to see this, but she had no problems with only a couple of spectators. Leliana, Wynne and Carou were sitting next to the two elves with Bodahn and Sandal slightly further back, giving themselves a decent view while keeping out of the way.

Morrigan had taken up position slightly further away from the rest and was preparing herself to use more powerful magic than she had so far this journey while Alistair, Sten and Zevran were standing ready as the surrounded the young Dancer. She could feel the nerves building in her stomach, the situation now feeling much more real than she had even thought possible. This was it: this was the moment she would either succeed or fail. This was what marked the turning point in her journey. If she became a Master here, then she really was on the road to recovery; if not…then it left the question of where she should go from here.

Arria focused inwards, turning her concentration upon her Song. It had been a long time since she had allowed it to completely guide her actions, her confidence shattered to the point where she had never really trusted herself enough to use it in that way. Using it for battle to amplify her known skills was one thing, but allowing it to show her the rhythm of a fight was something she hadn't known if she would have the strength to do again. If she did this, she would be moving purely on instinct. No time to plan, no time to doubt. No chance to turn back. Thinking back on her family and friends back home, all of them had believed she could do it, even though she herself thought it was asking too much. Now she was determined to honour their memory by proving their belief in her was justified. It wasn't just in her past she had those who believed anymore. Everyone in her group gave her some sort of strength, and the four people surrounding her in this Rite were those that fuelled her the most.

Morrigan studied her like she might do a book, but it made Arria comfortable in who she was and her opinion was not judged based on rumour and speculation. Maybe the rest of Thedas could do the same one day and see what it meant to be Nileesan. Sten respected her as a warrior and reminded her of how strong they had been. The respect of a qunari was the highest mark of honour in her eyes, and it drove her on each day to live up to that expectation. Zevran always looked at her as he had done since they had first met back when she was still young: a beautiful and powerful fighter who was the match of the best some of the other countries had to offer. Now, however, he looked at her not as a girl, but a woman with the maturity to compliment the skills she had always possessed. Alistair had helped rebuild her from the days of when she was nothing more than the remains of a person long since lost to the world. He had shown her all that she had left to offer and was helping her discover who she was becoming, born again from the remains of her shattered soul. She wasn't just something which had been toyed with and broken, she was a survivor, and the pride he had in her achievements was slowly rubbing off on her. If he could be proud in all she had come through and endured, then maybe someday she could look back on those days in the same way: not just as a living hell, but as a test she had lived through and learned from every day.

Now was the time to see how much she had truly learned. Not just as a warrior, but about herself.

Arria drew her blades and closed her eyes as she released her Song, absorbing the comfort it afforded her as it moved through her body in a way she could barely remember. A small smile escaped as it amplified her skills and her movements felt so light that she was almost walking on air. With a sharp nod she signalled she was ready. Zevran was the first to attack, swinging with both his daggers but Arria opened her eyes in time and simply bent out of the way as she spun out of harm's way. Alistair was the next to try his luck but she tumbled away as his blade didn't even come near her. Sten swung his mighty greatsword as she returned to her feet, but she handsprung over the weapon and stood once more, watching all of them intently as they prepared their next moves. Alistair and Zevran attacked at the same time, the Warden with his shield while Zevran threw one of his daggers and ran in with the other. Arria dropped into the splits to avoid the elf's blade and raised her own to block Alistair's strike, rolling away and leaping back onto a rock to survey her surroundings.

It was now that Morrigan prepared to enter the fray as she had finally finished building her ice spell into a fearsome blizzard. She launched it from the end of her staff and Arria saw it coming in plenty of time, knowing what it was she must do. Calling upon all the time she had practiced and failed, she kicked off from the rock and into the air to meet the attack head on as she moved her body into the Fade. Alistair watched in wonderment as he saw her glide through the air completely unharmed as the spell passed through her. Zevran too was frozen in place as many of those watching gasped in wonderment, not having known what was to come. "She's doing it," Alistair whispered, captivated as she landed back on her feet having returned to normal and charged at Sten. His heart was in his mouth as the qunari swung his blade and would surely have cut her in half when she did not defend herself or divert her course, but the blade passed straight through her as she shifted for but a second again, evading the danger and sped at Morrigan. The witch fended the Dancer off as best she could, but a well-placed kick by Arria to her head knocked her to the ground and left her semi-conscious.

With one threat eliminated she jumped over Sten's sword as he swung again and was forced into a knee slide as both Zevran and Alistair attacked with their blades. Flipping back to her feet she dodged them once more and charged at Sten, timing her jump perfectly as he swung across her, landing on his large hands and flipping backwards to connect with his chin. It was just enough force to knock him off his feet and leave him dazed as she landed gracefully, readying herself to attack both Alistair and Zevran. Neither of them knew who she was going to use the Fade Shift to attack, but they didn't really have the chance to think about it as she ran towards them at full speed. Arria first went for Zevran, locking them in a furious duel of daggers until she flipped forwards and over two of his attacks as she locked her legs around his shoulders and flipped him to the ground. With the assassin now out of the way she turned her attention to Alistair, but he didn't give her the chance to ready herself as he attacked first with his shield and then his blade. Arria took the force of the blow from his shield and used the momentum to move into a backflip, knowing exactly what to do. Before Alistair could reset himself she kicked back off a tree at the same time as she handsprung, raising herself up into the air as she prepared to bring her legs down and kick him in the chest. Alistair raised his shield just as she expected and she Shifted a final time, timing it so that she moved through the metal barrier and solidifying again just in time to land a full blow. He recoiled from the attack and she bent back to return to her feet as he fell to the ground winded.

As Arria stayed in her crouch she looked around, seeing all her adversaries fallen but her attention was grabbed by a burning sensation at the back of her neck. Knowing exactly what it was, she dropped her daggers and placed a hand over the intense heat which signified the evolution of her Mark. She followed the new trail as the branch which represented her Dancer abilities grew out to new heights and what felt like little pin pricks signalled the flowers coming into bloom. She had done it. She was a Master. A laugh caught in her throat briefly as the sensation eased before she screamed in pure joy. "_Yes_!" she exclaimed, collapsing to her knees and holding her head in her hands as it began to sink in. Alistair groaned from nearby and she scrambled over to him as he sat up. "Alistair, look!" she said giddily, spinning around and pulling her hair aside so that he could see her Mark.

His eyes widened as he saw the branch had now expanded to almost reach around to the other side of her neck and the little buds which had yet to bloom were now visible. Running a gentle finger over the development, he turned her back to face him and held her face tenderly. "You did it," he whispered, almost unwilling to believe it was over so soon.

"I've done it!" she screamed while throwing herself into his arms, unable to contain her excitement. Alistair laughed and guided them both back to the feet before spinning her in celebration and kissing her deeply. Normally she would be shy about something so public, but at that moment she could not care less. When the two of them parted she noticed the others had got back to the feet and ran to give Sten and Morrigan a heartfelt thank you before Zevran met her halfway to thanking him. She could see in his eyes he was incredibly proud of her, and in a break with his normal ways he kissed her forehead instead. Arria understood the gesture and hugged him tightly for a few seconds before running back to Alistair almost like a hyper child. None of them had ever seen her so openly happy and despite his earlier misgivings about going through with it, Alistair realised this was the best thing she could have done. Her confidence had soared to new levels.

Varathorn and Lanaya came to meet her from their vantage point and it was the male elf who finally managed to say something. "That was like beauty in motion, Warden. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to witness such a thing." Lanaya nodded her head in agreement as Leliana and Wynne greeted her with smiles and hugs while Carou bounded around them all in joy. Arria knelt down and caught her beloved Mabari for a few seconds before he ran off again, earning laughs from many of the people there.

As Arria watched everyone around her pass on their congratulations and commenting on what they had just seen, she smiled at the lightness of her heart. This was what she had been waiting for, this was the sign she had been looking for since Duncan had given her freedom. Now she knew she was finally moving forwards. She really was starting to heal, and that could only help in the days ahead.

* * *

You know the story, please leave me your thoughts in a review, I don't know how to improve unless you all tell me what is wrong! Until next time everyone.

Negative Angel


	26. Echoes of the Past

Special thanks as always to my fantastic reviewers, **Melysande, Kid-X **and **Eve Hawke. **You are all amazing.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 25: Echoes of the Past**

Halfway through their second night in the Dalish camp Alistair found himself wide awake as he remembered the events of the day just past. His mind drifted back to seeing Arria's Rite of Mastery: watching her move with a grace and bravery he hadn't seen from her before, and while his heart may have felt like it was lodged in his throat for much of it, to see the elation on her face and a sparkle in her eyes had made it all worth it. For the rest of the day she walked with a bounce in her step with an almost permanent smile on her face, and he shared her excitement. It had been a huge leap forward in progress and he wasn't sure he had ever been more proud of her. Arria sighed happily against his chest and Alistair smiled as he watched her snuggle in tighter in her sleep. Even now the smile hadn't left her face and he hoped she could on to this for a long time to come. Speaking of progress…

Their relationship seemed to have taken another huge leap forward and it left him in a bit of turmoil as to how far they could push before something finally gave. The near miss with the curse seemed to have changed her mind set slightly, and though she wasn't aware of it, it had changed his too. Being faced with your own mortality left you to see just how much you are set to lose and Alistair realised now how much he still had to do and achieve before he let Death claim him. The Blight still had to be dealt with, but it was only now that he realised just how far they still had to go before they could hope to face the Archdemon. They had the elves, the Templars and the mages onside, but they faced probably their greatest challenges yet in the days ahead. Denerim marked the next stage in their quest to save Eamon but it also meant stepping into the heart of danger. Loghain was Regent, and he knew of his and Arria's survival: no doubt he still sought their end as they were among the few who could dispute his claims about Ostagar. All those who remained knowing the truth of what transpired there were now a part of their group and must make sure that they saved Eamon to tell him the true version of events. Teagan and Isolde had been told bits and pieces, enough to convince them that there was more than what Loghain had claimed, but if they didn't know the full story then they wouldn't have to lie if anyone came asking. Now he almost wished they had shared, for if they fell then someone, somewhere, could carry on the fight to get rid of Loghain.

Loghain…thoughts of the man still made Alistair's blood boil and he wished nothing more than to end him. As Arria shifted in his arms again his hold on her tightened slightly. Back when she was recovering in Flemeth's Hut he had spent long hours wishing he had been among those who had fallen on the field of battle; cursing Cailan and his choice to send him with Arria to the tower. It hadn't taken long for him to change his thinking and thank his half-brother for a lot of things he had given him unintentionally. Cailan had started Arria's healing in earnest and helped her survive those first days among people again, and in sending the two of them to the Tower of Ishal, he had secured their survival to where they were now. At the time he thought Cailan was sending him with Arria because he didn't trust him on the battlefield and didn't want to deal with him. Now he suspected it might have been that his older brother knew what might occur and trusted the two of them to keep themselves alive if the worst should happen. His actions made sure that not only did some of the Grey Wardens survive, but that someone of the Theirin bloodline made it too.

He fought a shudder as he thought of his heritage. There was no way he wanted to be King, but something was going to have be done about Loghain.

A strong urge to punch something swept through him and Alistair called upon his meagre stealth skills to unravel Arria from around him and leave her asleep as he slipped out of their tent. Finding a barrel of water, he splashed some on his face and stared into the reflection long and hard. He was very different now from how he had been seven months ago. Trapped in the Chantry and resigned to a life of misery, a chance encounter with Duncan had given him the opportunity to change his fate and fight for a higher cause. He had never had any regrets about becoming a Warden: it gave him freedom and allowed him to find out who he was without the shackles of the Chantry to hold him back. Plus, it gave him the chance to be just Alistair, not the bastard son of the last King as it seemed almost everyone in positions of power within the monastery had been well aware of. It had left him feeling especially alone, and forced him into pouring everything into training. Learning to fight had been his outlet as he fought for his place in the world; the Wardens had shown him that he didn't have to fight for it, he had a right to his own life and not be judged for his past. Having Duncan know had been bad enough but he knew his past was a large chunk of the reason that he had been chosen, despite wishing it had been his skills with a blade that had earned him his freedom. At least he had been the only one and it was better to have someone who he could talk to about his insecurities, even if it had taken him a couple of months to get to that stage.

Then Ostagar had happened, and his world had been changed drastically again.

Coming across Cailan had been bad enough, especially when the pair shared a look of recognition when the young King had arrived to join the Wardens. Alistair had done everything to keep out of his way and not risk anyone realising their secret connection, but he had to wonder how many people had noticed their similarities. Duncan had reassured him that there would be no adverse reaction, but Alistair suspected it would only be a matter of time before questions would have been raised. Then the man he had grown to care for like a father had left in search of new recruits. It hadn't even been two weeks before he returned with his choice: a fragile but strong young woman who Alistair had instantly taken a shine to. She had piqued his interest with not only her attire, but her looks, accent, skills…It was only now he realised just how much Arria had captivated him from the moment they had met.

Seeing her help Carou had really made him curious about her past, but it was when they had looked for Fergus in the Wilds that he first got a glimpse into her personality and discovered she was concealing something. Even then, he had found a strong urge to help her and support her, even though they had just met. He had never told her this, but when she took the Joining he had been terrified she would die: Arria had been the first person he had felt a true connection to apart from Duncan and he had needed her even then. When he had carried her for the first time and discovered how fragile she was, that was when his feelings for her had begun, though he'd not realised it until very recently. After the massacre and their survival, he had spent long days coming to terms with the fact he might well have been left alone again. Duncan was dead and Arria nearly so, how she had survived he still did not know, but whatever magic Flemeth had used he was thankful for, because it had given her back to him.

Then had come the moment where they truly bonded for the first time. That fight it the Wilds had shown him everything that it was she was fighting and how vulnerable she was. He had felt like he was almost looking at a reflection of himself from just before his Joining, though the pain she held was far greater and her past much darker. When her dam of emotions had broken and he had let some of his own grief free at the same time, that was when their hearts had connected and they began to truly depend on each other. He hadn't really thought anything of their closeness until they had met Rod and Elissa and the knight had confronted him about it. It was then he realised it was more than friendship he felt, but there had still been so much he did not know about her and what torments she had suffered at Howe's hands that he felt he could not act on it.

Redcliffe had been a big turning point for them. It was the first time he had voluntarily told someone about his true birth, and Arria had not judged him or changed how she thought of him. The battle had led to Elissa unintentionally telling him more about Arria's suffering, but it also marked the first time she let anyone in until their mad dash to save Connor and Isolde. Kinloch Hold had been chaos as the two of them, Leliana and Wynne fought the abominations and soon found themselves caught by the Sloth Demon. In the aftermath of that he had sensed a change: almost like Arria had finally begun to move on from losing her home but it had shown up much of their secrets. Then tragedy had struck when they could not save Irving, and as a result had been forced to choose who to save. To this day, he still didn't know if Arria had made the right choice but he suspected it would be a question which would stay with them until the end of their lives as to whether they were right to save Isolde, but then condemn Connor. At least they had been able to give him a small measure of joy before the end came. And in that heart-breaking moment, they had both let their barriers down enough to find comfort in each other.

And then the day after…where he had discovered the truth of her suffering at long last. For a long time afterwards, he wished for the oblivion he had known before as his mind conjured up various scenarios of what she had endured, but it didn't take long for him to look at things another way. This was a chance for both of them to begin anew and if she was willing to trust him with her heart, even if not her body yet, then it meant she was on the road to recovery; and now that he was looking back on it himself, he was he was healing too. He had commented on her confidence growing many times but he could finally see his was on the up too, and it was all down to her. They had known each other for just over three weeks, and they had changed his life to the point where he barely recognised who he was before. A smile came to his face as he thought about Denerim: one week from now would be Arria's birthday, and after how his last gift went down he had a new idea in his mind of what to give her. He just had to organise it while they were in the city if it was to come to fruition in time.

Splashing his face once more to banish any more negative emotions he walked back to their tent and had to stifle a laugh at what he saw as he pulled back the flap. Arria was curled up around something and it didn't take him long to realise she was holding tightly onto his tunic. He felt more than a little amused that it seemed he had been traded in for a piece of fabric but shook his head and settled in to spoon her instead, surprised that he actually preferred this position. Now that he had the chance, Alistair pulled her hair back and took a closer look at her Mark to see the changes fully. Up close, he could see the branch itself had expanded and grown stronger as many smaller branches had added to it with small flowers blooming at the ends. It seemed to reflect the beauty and grace with which she had moved as she rose to become a Master and he couldn't resist running his fingers along the length of it to where it ended just below her left ear. As he followed it around he noticed a deep wound on her neck and ran his fingers just around the edge of it as he tried to decipher what it might be, and when he worked it out his blood ran cold as he yanked his fingers back. It was the bite that he had left when he was part-werewolf, and he was surprised she hadn't seen Wynne to get rid of it yet. The sharp movement had jarred her slightly and she stirred in her sleep; Alistair sighed as he realised she would now be awake within a couple of minutes. Making the most of the little time he had left to observe her without making her uncomfortable, he kissed her shoulder before settling in behind her completely. One arm rested on her waist while he brought the other up to rest his head upon as he watched her with soft eyes. Even as she slept, she still was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Arria blinked awake and soon realised Alistair was behind her rather than where she remembered falling asleep, buried deep into his chest. She twisted around and was surprised to find him wide awake and looking at her with such love that she felt like she might melt under his gaze. "Alistair? Why are you behind me?" she asked, her tone putting across that she was curious more than anything.

He chuckled. "When I stepped outside and came back I discovered that I had been forsaken in favour of my tunic, as you can see." Arria blushed as she unravelled the clothing from her arms and he laughed at the dusting on pink of her cheeks. "Sleep well?"

Her eyes widened slightly as she realised just how well she had slept. "The best that I can remember since coming to Ferelden. I guess letting go of all my emotions in the past couple of days has meant I can sleep easier."

"That can only be a good thing I hope?"

She paused. "We'll find out soon I guess." Arria watched as he ran his fingers to a specific point on her neck. "What is it?"

"Why do you still have this, Arri?"

It wasn't until she reached up and felt the remains of the bite that she knew what he meant. "I had totally forgotten about it, it doesn't even hurt." She paid close attention to him as he fingered the wound and was glad to see he seemed not to be absorbed in guilt over it, but something seemed to be on his mind. "You seem very thoughtful tonight."

Alistair smirked. "You say that as if I don't think very often."

He laughed as she swatted his chest playfully. "That wasn't what I meant and you know it." Her smile eased away and she held his gaze carefully. "What's on your mind?"

"I was just thinking back: to before I joined the Wardens, seeing how I've changed. I'm amazed it has taken me so long to realise it." Arria nodded, having already seen the vast changes within him and glad he could now see it too. "Makes me wonder what might have happened to me had Duncan not chosen me to become a Warden."

"With all that has happened, it might have led to someone looking for you to take over as Ferelden's next King. Surely somebody knew about your heritage besides Eamon and your father."

"Eamon did always say that it was the King's closest ally who told him to send me away, to avoid any conflict." When Arria froze next to him he grew concerned. "Arria?"

"Alistair, wasn't your father's strongest ally Loghain?" The minute she said it all the blood drained from his face. "That's it, that's why Loghain tried to have Eamon killed. With Cailan dead Eamon would have pushed to make you King as the next heir, and since Eamon was the only one with enough power and influence to vouch for you-"

"Eliminating Eamon means that if I were to make a claim, it wouldn't be taken as credible. Arria, what if…what if, when we save Eamon, he tries to make me King?"

She could hear the fear in his voice. "Do you really think he would push you that way, even if you steadfastly refused?"

"Eamon is a man who believes in his country and duty above pretty much anything else, the only thing mattering more being his family. I get the feeling he just might."

Arria was silent for a few seconds before she spoke again. "Denerim might be a lot more dangerous than we thought, we'll have to be a lot more vigilant. Loghain might not just be hunting after us because we are the only one who can disprove his series of events at Ostagar, but because you are the only one who can break his hold on power. This could be a trying few days."

Alistair nodded, his thoughts spinning with their deductions. If Loghain knew the truth about him, then the danger to their whole group had just hit new heights. He had the feeling the man would stop at nothing to see him dead, and by association all those close to him. Denerim would quite possibly be the most deadly stop they made.

* * *

It was early the next day that the Wardens' group left the Dalish behind with smiles and gratitude on both sides. Arria watched with interest as Wynne hugged a younger male elf just as they departed, and on their route to Denerim she discovered their history. Aneirin had been Wynne's first ever apprentice, and back then the woman had been rather harsh to the inexperienced mage, expecting too much of him too fast. Aneirin had fled the Circle Tower in search of the Dalish but when the Templars returned after hunting him and refused to tell of his fate, Wynne had assumed him dead. She admitted that his suffering and supposed demise had been a cruel lesson, but one she had forgotten when first dealing with the Nileesan woman. Arria had just smiled and replied that she was glad Wynne had found him alive and well, no longer holding a grudge over Wynne's previous actions. Her selflessness in the days since in saving the lives of three of their group had more than made up for it in Arria's eyes, though she suspected Alistair wasn't entirely ready to let it go yet. She had also talked to Sten about his sword, discovering that it was now in the possession of a dwarf called Faryn, who was en route to Orzammar. Arria promised they would search for it when they arrived at the dwarven city, but that it might be a couple of weeks before the chance came. The qunari had nodded in acknowledgement but Arria had been surprised when he even thanked her vocally. She had the feeling she might have earned Sten's respect in her own right now, rather than just being Nileesan.

It had taken three days for the group to reach the gates of Denerim, but their passage into the city itself had been surprisingly smooth. Arria had quietly suggested that Bodahn set up in the centre of town and attract some business while the other members of their group either guard him or begin searching for any information about the hunt for Grey Wardens. Sten and Leliana had been nominated to protect Bodahn and Sandal while Morrigan, Wynne and Zevran headed into another part of the city. Alistair, Arria and Carou headed towards the Chantry, hoping that by eavesdropping they might be able to discover if the Templars were on the lookout for the two of them.

They hadn't been there long when a girl approached them and tugged on Arria's leg. The young woman looked down in surprise and crouched to meet her gaze. "Hello, what's wrong?" she asked, noting the girl's stricken look.

"My brother, he is sick and needs helps. Please, you look like nice people, do you think you could help me?" she asked pitifully, almost afraid to meet Arria's eyes.

She smiled at the girl and stood again. "Alistair, how many health poultices do we have?"

The male Warden looked in his pack briefly. "We can spare a few."

Arria turned her gaze back to the girl and nodded at her. "Take us to your brother, we can help him." The girl nodded and ran off, the Wardens keeping pace with her as she headed to as slightly seedier part of the city. Alistair and Arria shared a look, not liking where this was headed before the girl stopped at a door and unlocked it, dashing inside before the pair followed her with Carou right behind them. When they made it upstairs to a tiny bedroom, they found a young boy in a sweat on the bed, a gaping wound in his leg from what appeared to be an arrow wound. The girl was tearful and Arria hugged her briefly as Alistair began pressing a poultice to the boy's leg.

When Carou barked at a shadow in the opposite corner of the room, Arria drew her weapons and shielded the girl as Alistair pulled out his sword and stood to attention. The female Warden was confused when Carou barked again, but did not growl at the cloaked man who appeared from the shadows, but she nearly fell over in shock as he revealed his identity with a familiar smile. "Some greeting, you two," he said while bending down to pet Carou. "Sorry boy, didn't mean to spook you. Thanks for not chewing my leg off, I'm glad Mabari really are that smart."

Arria sheathed her daggers again and threw herself at the knight. "Rod! What are you doing here?"

He shook Alistair's hand and the pair embraced briefly before he pulled back. "Keeping a low profile. Lissa and I have taken several mercenary jobs since we arrived in the city, and we ticked off a few of the wrong people. Unfortunately these kids got caught up in an ambush one of the groups caught us in and I knew I couldn't help them much, but you guys have enough supplies to help them. I told the girl what you two looked like and to bring you here if she found you."

"Where is Lissa?"

"At the Gnawed Noble, staying out of sight in our room. I've been here with the kids until I fix what happened to them. I've got a lot to tell you two about the past few days." They stayed until the boy started improving and left his sister with several more poultices in a pouch, though she was unaware of Rod having slipped a couple of the sovereigns he had earned over the time in Denerim to give her a bit of help. When they were back outside and wandering back towards the square, he started speaking again. "Well, we have discovered quite a bit since we arrived. There were some other survivors of the massacre at Castle Cousland hiding in Amaranthine, and we found the scouts sent here completely by accident on our second day. They should be arriving here either tonight or tomorrow with the rest of the group, and then we will start working on a safe haven for everyone to stay."

"That's great news, Rod," smiled Arria, pleased to see that some of their old friends had survived.

"We also found out a little bit more concerning the two of you. As far as Loghain was concerned, Zevran and the Crows were still hunting you, but when he found out about your role in evacuating Lothering he has realised that they failed." Both the Wardens winced, not having foreseen that news of their role in that event would have already found its way to Denerim. "However, some of those who were among the last to leave told of how you stood your ground against the darkspawn and gave them time to escape. Many of them believe that you both died when the village was overwhelmed, so the orders to actively hunt for you have been withdrawn."

"Surely Loghain doesn't believe we are actually dead, does he?"

"Maybe not, but until he hears something more of you he is quite happy to put across to the rest of his men that you are so, it means he can redirect them without them having a reason to question his orders."

"What orders?" asked Alistair, not liking how this sounded.

Rod sighed before he answered. "Many of the nobles don't believe Loghain's account of Ostagar, and some are convinced that he left King Cailan to die so he could seize power through Anora. We haven't seen it because of all that has happened, but the entire country is locked in civil war. Loghain is adamant the threat rests with Orlais, not the darkspawn, and he is sending out battalions to arrest anyone sympathetic towards an Orlesian alliance. While all this is happening, the darkspawn are going about unchallenged. There are rumours that West Hills is on the verge of decimation, and that Loghain is ignoring the Arl's pleas for help because he doesn't believe the darkspawn to be any true danger."

"Damn it! Loghain is insane!" swore Alistair, and Arria placed a restraining hand on his arm before he had the urge to vent. They couldn't risk it, not in the place where Loghain commanded the most power and influence.

"I agree, he has to be stopped, but there is nothing we can do now. We can only hope we move quick enough that there will still be a Ferelden to save by the time we can manage to put our plan into action. We can't do anything without Eamon, he has to become our priority," reasoned Arria, not missing the furious glint in Alistair's eyes. "You'll get revenge against him yet, but we need to ensure Ferelden's survival above our own wants. If we go chasing after Loghain now, we'll be obliterated, and then there will be nothing to stop the Blight."

Alistair clenched his fist tightly for a few seconds before he sighed explosively and let the tension drain out of his body. Arria kissed his cheek lightly in gratitude before she gestured for Rod to continue, grasping Alistair's hand in reassurance. She didn't fail to notice how tightly he was holding on as Rod spoke again. "We also found out that many people in Denerim are sympathetic to the Wardens and we found a few people who have begun to spread rumours about the true events of Ostagar. Maybe if they gain enough momentum it will convince the soldiers to stop the senseless violence across Ferelden, and get them to focus on the true threat."

"You two have done well. Anything else happen?"

The two were amazed when Rod blushed briefly but he soon walked ahead, not letting the Wardens look at him. "We are nearly at the Gnawed Noble. I'll get your rooms."

Alistair and Arria shared a long look. "What was that about?" questioned Alistair, completely confused.

She shook her head. "No idea, maybe something has happened between him and Lissa. I'll ask her when we find her."

By the time they entered the tavern, while leaving Carou outside, Rod had already collected the keys for their rooms and passed one to the couple. He then about turned and directed them to the room he and Elissa were sharing. When the door opened and Elissa saw the two Wardens on the other side she screamed in delight and ran to hug the pair of them. Both Alistair and Arria laughed at the treatment and he managed to squirm out of Elissa's grip to leave the two woman embracing warmly. "I'll go and give these keys to the rest of them," said Rod while turning away.

"I'll go with you," suggested Alistair, earning a curious look from Arria but he didn't meet her gaze. At Rod's raised eyebrow he shrugged. "You don't know where all of them are, I'll help you find them."

Rod allowed the male Warden to go first and they left both their other halves in the tavern as they stepped outside. "All right, what was that about?"

"What?"

"That was a lame excuse, why are you really here?"

Alistair had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. "Okay, so maybe it was a little pathetic but I had to speak to one of you or Lissa without Arria listening in."

"What are you up to?" asked Rod amused.

"It's Arria's birthday in four days, and I could use the help of both you and Lissa in making something happen."

Rod smirked. "You know, I like this sneaky side of you. What did you have in mind?"

* * *

Elissa and Arria had sat on the bed once the two men were gone and the younger woman allowed the Warden to see her new bow. Arria gasped as she saw the beautiful bow made of silverite with delicate engravings. "Lissa this must have cost you a fortune!" she exclaimed.

"It was worth every copper," stated Elissa, fingering it lightly. "Cost us twenty sovereigns, but at least this should never snap like my last one did. There is a fantastic blacksmith in town called Wade and he made this for me after we got the coin taking on various jobs around the city. Hopefully I can carry this with me for a long time to come."

"You know, Alistair is going to need some new armour after recent events, maybe we can earn enough for him to take on the job?"

"I did notice the holes in his armour when I hugged him. What on Thedas happened to you with the Dalish?" So Arria told Elissa about their adventure in the forest and the younger woman didn't miss how Arria's eyes dimmed as she told of how Alistair had nearly died, how she thought he _was_ dead. She embraced Arria tightly when she finished, feeling the slight tremble in response. "That must have been terrifying."

"It was, and I will freely admit I hope that is the last time I ever have to come across werewolves. I think part of it is still in him, honestly. No-one knows what happens when you recover from being a werewolf, I guess only time will tell whether he is truly the same. But…"

"But?"

Arria smiled brightly. "It doesn't change the fact that I love him, regardless of whether he is slightly different now." Elissa's eyes widened before she giggled madly. "You don't need to say 'It's about time', because I know myself I nearly left it far too late to tell him the truth."

Elissa nodded and bit her tongue, knowing Arria wouldn't appreciate her comment. "So, how has this changed things between you two?" She got a blank look from Arria in response and she rolled her eyes. "Come on Arria, it won't be too long until intimacy starts coming up for the two of you."

Arria brought her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. "We've already started moving in that direction a little." She explained to Elissa about the various little changes and how she believed that it wouldn't be long until things started going forward even more. "I am still terrified about ever taking off my clothes around him, but I know I'm going to have to push a little more soon."

Elissa smiled sympathetically. "It is scary, even for someone who hasn't been through a fraction of what you have been through. I take it for granted now, but being comfortable enough to give your body to someone else during sex is a huge leap of faith, something I forget about until I think of what you endured."

The other woman looked at her unsure. "It is isn't just that, Lissa. There is some…scarring, worse than what he has seen and I don't know what he will think of it."

"What do you mean?" Arria realised she wasn't going to be able to explain to Elissa, so she instead did something else. She slacked her wrap slightly and pulled it back to give her a glimpse of her breast, internally surprised that she felt safe enough to do this, but since Elissa was a woman she wasn't as dangerous. Tears sprung to Elissa's eyes as she saw the dark imprint on her skin, slightly lower than the unblemished skin around it. She raised a tentative hand but paused when she saw the momentary panic in Arria's eyes. The female Warden barely nodded her head but stayed rigid as Elissa placed a feather light touch around the mark. "What did this?"

"Whip, probably one of the worst beatings he ever gave me. Believe it or not, my legs actually look worse, but only higher up and around my ankles. They aren't as dark as these, but they are a lot uglier."

"Oh Arria…" It was only now she got a true sense of just how far the other woman had to go as she fought to let Alistair in, and she waited until Arria got herself reset before she hugged her tightly. "Alistair isn't going to hurt you, he never would."

"I know, but I just don't know where to start! How do I let him near me when I still have the memories of all those men who enjoyed nothing more than to cause me pain? Just the thought of him ever-" she cut herself off with a shudder and when Elissa pulled back to look at her, her heart ached at the tears on Arria's face. "He deserves better than me, Lissa. I can't give him what he needs."

"_You _are what he needs, Arria. The physical part of a relationship isn't necessary, and I don't think you know just how dependant he is on you. You are what gives him strength, just like he gives to you. Take small steps, Arria. Try little things, maybe something like you just did with me there. Let me ask you something: have you ever looked at the scars on your body?" Arria shook her head slowly. "Look at them Arria, let them show you what you have survived. You've beaten them once, you can do it again as you bury them forever."

She thought seriously on what Elissa said, and with a tiny nod of the head, she stood and left for her own room. When the door was shut, she stood before the full length mirror for what felt like hours before she finally gained the courage to untie the knot of her wrap and let it fall away to the floor. This was the first time she had seen the marks from the perspective other than her own, and it wasn't as hideous as she had first feared. The gouges were dark and definitely noticeable while some were tender to the touch, but she tried to look at them with an open mind. Maybe they were permanent reminders of her time at Howe's hands, but they only had to be marks of shame if she let them be. Elissa had said they were a reflection on what she had lived through, and maybe they were, but she wasn't sure if she believed it yet. There was only going to be one way to find out if seeing them would make Alistair look at her differently, but she didn't know how she could start it. They had a long way to go yet.

Just then, the door opened and Arria dropped quickly to pick up her wrap and cover herself. "Alistair!"

The male Warden hadn't even been looking inside the room when he opened the door he was so preoccupied with his thoughts, but when he barely glanced at her he spun and faced the other way. "Ah! Sorry, Arria!" he apologised while shutting the door quickly, keeping his back to her.

She was amazed that her first instinct was to laugh rather than anything else. "Could you not have knocked?" she asked through broken laughter while tying herself back up. Alistair didn't dare say anything for fear of what may come out of his mouth; this situation was more than a little awkward for him. Arria quickly put herself back together and stood to face him. "You can turn round now." When he did, she bit her lip to keep from giggling at the mixture of apology and embarrassment on his face. She shook her head while smiling and hugged him quickly before kissing him. "You didn't mean it," she said while holding onto him.

Both were surprised at how relaxed she was given the whole situation. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise-"

"I know you didn't, you couldn't have known what I was doing."

"What were you doing, Arria?"

She was quite ready to talk to him about that yet. Elissa was fine because she was female and could maybe empathise with her insecurities, but it would be difficult to talk with him about an area of her body which was still so personal. "Maybe later," she told him, appreciating it when he simply nodded in agreement before walking around to the other side of the room. A scratching at the door caught her attention and she opened it to find Carou on the other side. Arria shook her head and let him in. "Should have known you wouldn't stay outside." Carou barked at her and settled at the foot of the bed, yawning loudly before he fell asleep. The pair laughed at him as they got set for bed. "I think he has the right idea."

"I think he does. We've got time here, might as well make the most of the chance for sleep."

"Yeah, I suppose we should." She sighed in comfort as she settled into a bed for the first time in over a year. It felt more than a little strange, but she smiled when she felt Alistair spoon up behind her: since they had tried it back at the Dalish camp it had become their new favourite position to sleep in. When his arms wrapped around her she closed her eyes contentedly, knowing there was nowhere she would rather be.

* * *

Halfway through the night, Alistair felt something was off and when he opened his eyes he was surprised to see he had somehow swapped his sleeping companion. A tongue came out and he squawked as it licked his face. "Carou!" he exclaimed quietly while wiping the dog slobber off.

The Mabari barked quietly and quiet laughter from the window caught Alistair's attention. "I think he didn't want you to be alone, you can't seem to sleep without someone nearby evidently."

Alistair looked the dog. "No offence, but you aren't my first choice boy." His eyes drifted up and he saw Arria sitting huddled up on the window, looking out over Denerim as the moonlight streamed in. "What's wrong?"

When she looked at him, the shadows in her eyes could be seen even from his position a few metres away. "I think a bed is always going to remind me of…what happened. I don't think I'll be able to sleep in one for a while yet. I haven't willingly slept in one since before I lost my home."

He sighed deeply and got out to join her by the window. "Did you sleep at all?" She nodded sadly, but turned her gaze back outside. "Nightmare or memory?"

"Memory this time. I'm almost not sure which is worse: a memory reminds me of what I did go through, but a nightmare can sometimes show me all that he threatened to do but never actually did. Please don't ask me to tell, I'm not ready to share this one," she admitted, unable to look at him. Looking at her scars earlier her forced her to relive the torment for a while, and it had deeply shaken her. Alistair's hand came to caress her cheek and she faced him timidly, glad when he kissed her but kept it light, as if knowing this was a bad time to push her any further than that. At the moment she could barely deal with that level of intimacy, let alone anything else. When he walked away and started grabbing stuff out of their packs, she was confused. "What are you doing?"

"You've got to sleep somehow Arri, and if you can't do it in a bed I guess we'll go back to the old fashioned way."

She smiled at the wording. "What about you?"

"Who wants a bed when the floor is this comfy?" Arria laughed at him as he got out their bedrolls and tried to shove Carou off the thicker blanket on the bed. The male Warden glared at him briefly and tried pushing harder, only for Carou to dig his legs into the bed and stick harder. Carou licked him again when he pushed again and Alistair pulled back while wiping the slobber off. "Carou, please, it's for Arria," he asked, hoping the dog might forsake the comfort for his mistress. He looked at the Warden and when she smiled at him, the hound jumped down to instead settle below her. Arria petted him lightly as she watched Alistair set up a comfier version of their usual camp setup at the foot of the bed. When he was done, the male Warden held his hand out for his companion, helping her down from the window and allowing her to settle. They went back to their old position as she sought comfort, and it wasn't long before Carou settled in behind her, meaning she was protected on both sides. Alistair scratched his ear as he fell asleep. "Good boy, you protect Arria."

"I think he leaves that job to you most of the time now," she noted while snuggling in closer, needing his warmth at the moment.

"Maybe, but there will be moments when you need the both of us, like right now." Alistair kissed the top of her head and held her close. "Sleep, Arria. He can't get near you anymore."

She relaxed but couldn't shut her eyes for a long time, fearing the nightmare might roar back again. The reprieve hadn't lasted long, and now the memories were threatening to swallow her whole again but when she felt Alistair's arms wrapped around her she breathed him in, allowing his scent to comfort her. Time would tell if this could be enough to heal her hurts, or if she would even have the chance to move forward again while they were here. Denerim was dangerous, and she had the feeling something was about to happen. Something which could change everything.

* * *

Please leave me your thoughts, I know there wasn't much action here but Denerim will be storytelling more than anything, and it will span a couple of chapters. See you all next time!

Negative Angel


	27. The City of Peril

My love geos out to **Melysande** and** Kid-X** for your fantastic reviews, you guys are amazing. I always welcome reviews and criticism as long as it is constructive rather than just having a general bitch about how rubbish my story is, so do not be afraid to leave your thoughts!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 26: The City of Peril**

When Elissa knocked on Alistair and Arria's door the next morning, she was surprised when it was Alistair who answered, since Arria was usually the earlier riser out of the two of them. A quick glance inside led to her raising an eyebrow at the sleeping arrangements on the floor, but when she saw the bed stripped bare and Arria asleep on their bedrolls, she turned questioning eyes to Alistair. She could see the sadness in his own posture and he looked at her sorrowfully. "Even something as simple as sleeping in a bed is enough of a trigger," he explained sadly. Elissa pulled him just outside the door and Alistair nodded to Carou, encouraging the Mabari to keep an eye on his mistress. The dog obliged by settling in next to her, and the male Warden smiled as Arria moved in to snuggle next to him, still asleep. Closing the door enough so that they were less likely to disturb their sleeping companion, he faced Elissa again. "Did Rod explain to you?"

"Yeah, he did. I've got three things to tell you about: firstly, there is an Sergeant just outside the Market District called Kylon. He gave Rod and I plenty of jobs and I believe him to be trustworthy; and I think we might need a bit more coin than we already have, Rod and I spent most of ours on his armour and my new bow. Which brings me onto my next thing. Once you've earned a little bit more, you should see about going to a fantastic blacksmith in town called Wade to repair your armour. He made my new bow, Rod's new armour and tweaked mine slightly. I think if I head there beforehand, we might even be able to knock the price down a bit. Lastly…" A twinkle made its way into her eye as she continued, "we came across a young woman in the market who does beautiful jewellery, she is who you should go to in relation to your surprise for Arria." Alistair blushed slightly as Elissa winked at him. "Speaking of which, if we are going to pull this off for Arria, I think we need to bring in some other people."

"How come?"

"Well there is some things I need to talk to Arria about, catch up if you will, and if we are going to make sure you two aren't crossing paths at inconvenient times, I'll stick with her while Rod guides you to the right places. The jobs that we couldn't take on from Kylon needed more than just the two of us, so if don't want to make Arria suspicious you'll have to pick some other people."

"Right…" Alistair ran through the rest of their group mentally, quickly deciding who was suitable and who was not. Leliana would definitely be happy to help with his plan, but Sten would not care so he was out. He would rather run around Denerim naked than ask Morrigan for help, and things were still a little frosty between himself and Wynne. That just left Zevran. He groaned internally at the thought of explaining his plan to the elf, but knew he would do it for Arria. "Suppose I'll be paying Leliana and Zevran a visit then. Have the rest of the survivors from Highever arrived yet?"

Elissa grew slightly more excited. "Not yet, but I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again. Most of them I have known since childhood, and…I guess they are something of my former life I can hold onto," she finished, her smile turning into a fierce glare. "Do you ever think about it? What you would do if you ever got your hands on him?"

Alistair didn't even need to ask who she meant. "It's not me who is after revenge."

"Still, after everything he has done…surely you have had thoughts on how to make him pay?"

His mind drifted back to some of the stories Arria had told him of her captivity, of her suffering, and he clenched his fist in an attempt to keep the emotions at bay. "Yes, I have, but every time I think about it, I realise it's not my place to inflict anything upon him. He stole your home and family and forced you on the run to live as a fugitive, and it was Arria he inflicted months of horror upon for his own sadistic pleasure. It is the two of you who deserve to gain vengeance against him."

Elissa paused. "Maybe so, but it wasn't just me his actions affected. All those living in Castle Cousland were victims. Rod lost his home too, and he had helped me deal with the aftereffects day-by-day. If he hadn't been here, I think I might not have dealt with it as well as I have. Arria may have faced all the pains inflicted upon her at the time, but you have been involved in her recovery from step one. You have seen her at her most vulnerable, her most broken and you are the one who has begun to put her back together. Alistair, you've been the one to bring Arria back from the edge of giving up when her memories become too much, and if it weren't for you, I really don't think she'd still be here now. She'd have thrown herself into a fight she didn't mean to survive a long time ago. You've been forever changed because of what Howe did to her, and you have the right to vengeance too, for Arria's sake if nothing else." She waited for him to absorb everything she had said before biting her lip, hoping this wasn't going to backfire for the two of them. "How much had she told you? Of what she suffered?"

Alistair sighed. "Barely anything, just a few episodes. The nightmare last night was too much for her to explain, and I didn't push; it took her hours to fall asleep again, I never thought something as simple as sleeping in a bed might be a trigger."

"I never thought of that either, but I guess when you think about it, that would probably have been where a lot of what happened to her took place. How much has she…shown you? Of what he left behind?"

He paled slightly. "Do you mean scars? She told me all of them were from battle."

"All the ones you have seen are, but there are…others. Some I think she is afraid to show you, because they are evidence of some of the more serious things which happened. I think that might have been the real trigger for last night, sleeping in a bed was just what tipped it too far."

"Has she…shown you?"

"Only the slightest bit, but I know she is petrified of what you will think. Partially because she thinks you might find it detracts from her beauty, but I think what scares her more is letting you see the truth, because I'll admit, I never dared imagine just the glimpse she showed me. She can't take that first step Alistair, last night showed me that, but if you give her a nudge in that direction, she might just find the courage."

His head span with the revelation. Just when he thought he might be coming to grips with what she had endured, it turned out he had barely scratched the surface, and he had the sinking feeling that when he heard the worst of it, he would be fighting the urge to inflict the same pain upon Howe. Knowing that he needed to get his mind off things, he left to go find Leliana and Zevran. He just had to do something, _anything, _to put off the knowledge of what he had to do for a little longer, because to push her boundaries like that might end disastrously.

Elissa hovered outside the room for just a little longer before she went it. Carou turned his head towards her and the younger woman bent down to pet him and scratch under his chin, just like her Mabari used to adore. Every time she saw Carou she couldn't help but be reminded of her own Mabari, or of how much she missed her. Just another part of her former life that had been lost when Howe betrayed her family. When they reclaimed Highever someday, she was going to make sure their loss was never forgotten, nor the result of betrayal. Thoughts of her former life brought a smile to her face and she absently fingered the chain which ran beneath her tunic. _So much has happened since then…How does Arria deal with all her memories when I can barely accept what Howe did to my family? I guess the loss of her homeland hardened her in such a way that she learned how to deal with losing everything you hold dear…_

Her thought were interrupted by Arria stirring. The female Warden was surprised to see Carou beside her rather than Alistair and sat up to search of him. Elissa chuckled at her. "Your gorgeous man has gone in search of Leliana and Zevran for a few jobs in town. He'll be back soon." The younger woman sat on the covers next to her friend and looked at her closely. It didn't take her long to see the shadows in her eyes, nor how she seemed unsure of herself without Alistair there after her bad night. "How much sleep did you get?"

Arria rubbed her temples as she tried to banish the remains of sleep from her mind. "Maybe two hours, which is more than usual after a night like that. How much did he tell you?"

"There wasn't much he could tell after you didn't let him inside your head last night. And I get the feeling it was more than just sleeping in a bed that led to your nightmare." From the way Arria looked away, Elissa knew she was right. "Did you remember how…?" She hovered a hand over Arria's breast and the other woman nodded slowly.

"Sometimes it seems so real, what I dream. Like I am right back there in that hell and living it all over again. I am so glad he didn't wake up right after I broke free, else I might have been forced to tell him the truth."

"Arria, why don't you?"

The caramel haired woman shook her head fiercely. "Not yet. Just, not yet… I won't inflict the same darkness upon him as I carry with me: it's bad enough that _I _know what happened, let alone him too."

Elissa scowled. "You can't keep it all bottled up, all that will do is make things worse. Let him in Arria, please. Let him heal you." The fear in her friend's eyes made Elissa wonder if telling Alistair the fragments of knowledge she knew was such a good idea, but if Arria couldn't make the first move then he had to, otherwise this limbo they were stuck in could go on forever and Arria needed something to give her reassurance after a night like the last. Elissa drew her friend in for a hug, feeling her own heart break slightly at the small trembles running through Arria's body as she tried to reciprocate. The young Cousland soon pulled back and jumped to her feet. "Come on, we need to get out of here."

Arria raised an eyebrow. "And go where exactly?"

"Into Denerim of course! There is so much to see, and I feel like a little sightseeing, I haven't had the chance since we arrived. Rod wasn't really interested, and now that you're here he has the perfect excuse to wander off with Alistair as they go earn some money." Arria shook her head at her friend's enthusiasm but couldn't deny it would be good to experience the city, and maybe it could help get her mind off last night. She unscrambled herself from the bed and geared up for their excursion, but just as they were about to leave the tavern, Rod approached them. Elissa smiled and the two shared a brief kiss. "Hey you, I thought you were off seeing about jobs in town?"

"I was, but there is something I think you need to see, Lissa," he explained brightly. When Elissa cocked her head in confusion, he continued. "There's someone you need to meet, and old friend we both thought long gone." The younger woman looked at Rod curiously before moving past him and stepping outside. Arria looked at him in enquiry and the knight's smile grew. "The survivors from Highever made it this morning, and I know there is someone among them that Elissa has mourned since the day were forced to run for our lives." Wondering who he could referring to, Arria made her way out of the door, Rod and Carou right behind her.

Elissa was overjoyed to see many of those she had grown up among had survived the horrific events of Castle Cousland, but she still couldn't see anyone who fit Rod's description. Arria watched from the side-lines, a gentle smile on her face as Rod and Elissa rediscovered old friends, but when Carou took off from her side she was confused. It wasn't until he barked and received one in response that it suddenly clicked for both women who he meant. Elissa ran over to the twin barks, and when she came face-to-face with a smaller black Mabari next to Carou, she threw her arms around her. "Hallai!" she exclaimed, the dog happily snuggling into her mistress' hold. "I saw you take two arrows and get stabbed. How…?"

Rod came to crouch next to them. "Turns out she survived, and some of the servants who were in hiding found her once things had quietened down. It took the best part of three weeks for her to recover, but here she is, alive and well."

Elissa broke down into happy tears and Hallai pulled back and looked at her mistress curiously. "Should have known you'd made it, you've had a knack for beating the odds since you were born," she said through her tears as Rod wrapped an arm around her waist. She giggled happily as Arria came to greet the black Mabari, noting how she was so much smaller than Carou and seemed much more timid. Hallai looked first at Arria, then at Carou who barked once, before she stepped up and into Arria's outstretched hand. Both Elissa and Rod were shocked. "Hallai never lets anyone other myself or Rod near her unless she absolutely has to. Is that your Taming skills?"

"No, I think it is more a case of trusting me since Carou does," explained the Nileesan woman, taking special notice of how Carou couldn't seem to stop staring at Hallai. It seemed her Mabari was smitten. She moved closer to kiss Hallai's muzzle and the black dog barked quietly at her in response. "Welcome home, Hallai."

It seemed fortune was smiling on them, for the moment anyway.

* * *

A few hours later, the group had scattered to their own business. Sten and Morrigan were on guard duty for Bodahn and Wynne had chosen to stay in her room for the day, making the most of her chance to relax and recharge. Arria, Elissa, Carou and Hallai had gone off to a slightly quieter area of Denerim where Elissa had spied some monuments which had taken her fancy, while Alistair, Rod, Leliana and Zevran went about their tasks in the centre of Denerim. Leliana had been more than happy to help Alistair with his plan for Arria's birthday, and as predicted, Zevran had teased the male Warden about it mercilessly though was willing to join in knowing it was for their Dancer. Their first stop took them to Sergeant Kylon, and as Rod explained their willingness to help the soldier with any errands he needed running, Alistair was unsettled when the man kept glancing at him.

In the back of his mind, he only now thought that this could backfire spectacularly. If he recognised him as a Grey Warden, then Loghain might now know of their survival and location, and with Arria so far away from him…Only now he realised just how dangerous their stay in Denerim could be. When Rod finished speaking with the soldier, he informed him that the sergeant wanted a quiet word, and he fear tripled. The two men moved off slightly, only so far as they could not be overheard. Kylon looked at Alistair hard. "I know who you are, what you are," he informed and Alistair's heart dropped, but before his thoughts could spiral out of control, the man's face changed to that of a smile, "and I want to thank you, for what you did for my family." Alistair's face must have relayed his confusion as Kylon chuckled and continued. "My wife and son were in Lothering, visiting her parents, the day it was destroyed. It was your actions that allowed them to get to safety and return home. Your friend, Elissa, was the one who informed them of the danger, and had you not risked your own lives to buy them time, they might have perished in that town. Words cannot express my gratitude to you and your counterpart."

Alistair stood shocked for a few seconds before he managed to put together a reply. "I…don't know what to say, but if you know who I am-"

"I know your fears, your friend Rod explained to me but you can rest easy, Warden. This whole district is under my jurisdiction, and only those in charge know your appearances. As long as you remain in this area, then no-one will know of your existence here, you have my word on that. Any work you need, you come and see me, I'll always have a few jobs lying spare because Maker forbid one of my men gets hurt and I have to explain to their noble families that this job is actually dangerous."

The Warden laughed. "Thank you, Sergeant, and be assured we will be taking you up on that offer as long as we are here."

"I don't have much today, just a few small errands but I'll pay you well, it is the least I can do for saving my family."

With the instructions in hand, Alistair left with Leliana for the market as Rod and Zevran completed the first of their jobs. A quick look around confirmed that Elissa had made sure to keep Arria clear of the area, and with that knowledge, he stepped up to the stall Elissa had informed him of. Leliana watched with a small smile as the young jeweller drew up a sketch of what Alistair described, making modifications as he saw the vision in his head taking shape. "And what stone would you like in the centre of that?" she asked when the initial design was complete.

Alistair paused, not really having though about this up till now. He turned to his female companion. "Leli, what stone best suits Arria?"

The Bard thought on that for a few seconds before she turned to the girl. "What sapphires do you have?" Both Alistair and Leliana took a close look at the stones in her possession and Leliana knew when they had found the one. "There, a stormy blue, to match her eyes. Do you not think that fits?"

He couldn't help but agree, it matched her eyes so well it was uncanny. "That would be it then. How long do you think it will take to complete?"

"The design is intricate, but I could have it complete by tomorrow evening. Will you be paying for it now, or then?"

"Then, if that is okay with you?"

"Yes, that is fine, but I will require two sovereigns now just as insurance. The rest can be paid for when it is ready."

After asking how much the total cost would be, the pair set off to rejoin Rod and Zevran, only to be surprised as the pair met them halfway having completed the first of the jobs. "That was fast," said Alistair as they made it closer.

Zevran shrugged. "It turned out the men were complete wimps, the minute their leader went down it was a simple case of convincing them to leave."

Rod chuckled. "He says that so idly, leaving out the fact that 'convincing' them was a threat of 'who's next to die?'."

Leliana giggled. "Zevran, so vicious."

The elf shrugged again. "What can I say, flower? I am an assassin, I suppose it is my nature."

Alistair shook his head. "Where to next?"

"There was a reported disturbance when a group of civilians were ambushed by a group of assassins, from the information we have been given it sounds like they are rather merciless." Zevran smirked. "This could be slightly more interesting than the last."

"Only one way to find out." The group set off for an alley slightly further away from the market, noting the quietness of the area and the lack light entering it. As Leliana stepped forward to examine a body on the ground, Rod started looking around nervously. "Does anybody else get the feeling this could be a trap?"

Zevran kept his eyes to the way which they had entered. "Yes, but who would wish to contain us in such a way?"

"I don't know but-"

"Take cover!" shouted Leliana just as she spied archers from the rooftops, diving out of the way from their arrows. Zevran followed suit while Rod and Alistair raised their shields, allowing the arrows to bounce off harmlessly as they reached shelter. The two men kept their barriers raised as they saw Zevran and Leliana taking cover between two of the buildings, the assassin using his throwing knives to kill some of their aggressors while Leliana brought others down with her bow. As the numbers above decreased, more appeared from inside the buildings and Alistair and Rod moved out to stop them before they reached their comrades. Leliana and Zevran covered them as the two shield-users took out the six men who had entered the fray, slowly dwindling their numbers to only one. The lone man made to charge at the Warden but Leliana tripped him up with her bow just after she has taken out the last archer, pinning him to the ground and holding a knife to his neck. "Looks like you chose the wrong prey today," she snarled.

The man laughed maniacally. "Hardly, we should have taken that bitch's warning about more seriously. Oh well, at least my men at the other side of town should have an easier job disposing of your friends."

"Our friends…?"

Both Alistair and Rod's hearts froze as it clicked. "Arria and Elissa," they whispered in unison.

Leliana's gaze hardened and she pushed the knife deeper into his neck. "Who do you work for?" she hissed, knowing that time was short for their comrades.

He raised his hand to show Leliana a mark, one which made her chest constrict painfully and her breathing catch. "She told me to show you this, didn't mean much to me, but I guess it does to you." Now knowing just how much peril her friends might be in, Leliana sliced his throat and stood sharply.

"Rod, where was Elissa taking Arria?"

"The other side of town, making sure we couldn't cross paths easily. Leli, who is doing this?"

The Bard mouthed one word to Alistair, and his blood ran cold. _Marjolaine. _Leliana's mentor and betrayer was here, no doubt to remove Leliana once and for all. Even from the tiny fragments of information she had told he and Arria, both knew she must be dangerous to strike fear into Leliana's heart. "Rod, lead the way," he urged, and the group wasted no time in running to where he thought the two of them might be. With four of them it had been easy to fend off the assassins, but with just Arria and Elissa…

Time was of the essence. If they didn't find they in time, there might not be anything left to find.

* * *

"So…what has been going on between you and Rod recently?" asked Arria after their latest stop on their sightseeing trip. Arria was beginning to suspect something was up because none of this was really that interesting and she wondered just what was happening at the other side of town.

"What do you mean?" asked Elissa, attempting to dodge the question by watching their two Mabari up ahead.

"When I asked him if anything else had happened before we arrived, he went scarlet and attempted to dodge the question much like you are now, so spill."

Elissa blushed as she realised what Rod would have been embarrassed at, and Arria regarded her curiously. What on Thedas could make _both _of them blush like that? Elissa refused to look at Arria for a few minutes before she sighed deeply. "We went to a place on the edge of the city, looking for those sympathetic to the Wardens. A little place called the Pearl. We found who we were looking for and spread around the true events of Ostagar, hoping to undermine Loghain's hold on the city from within. Only time will tell whether we were successful. On the way out we…bumped into someone. A rather appealing pirate approached me, asking why I was looking for those sympathetic to the Wardens, and after I explained they…made a pass at me."

Arria's eyebrows rose. "Oh? Don't tell me you accepted?"

"Rod was standing right next to me, and I explained how we were together, but she was-"

"Whoa, wait a minute. _She?"_

Elissa nodded slowly. "Uh-huh, and she…said we should both join her, in her cabin."

Arria stared at her friend. "You didn't, did you?" When Elissa blushed even deeper, Arria burst out laughing. "You did! You had a threesome with a pirate!"

Elissa clamped her hand over her friend's mouth. "Keep it down, would you?!"

The Warden fought back the giggles which had risen up as she stared at Elissa. "So, how was it?"

"It was…interesting. Can't say I would refuse if the chance came up again, Isabela made things lively."

"So Isabela is her name, is it? I must admit, I never pictured you to be the type, you naughty little minx."

Elissa pretended to be offended. "Hey! So I might find some women attractive, I can't help it can I?"

Arria winked. "I never said anything against it, did I?"

The younger woman gaped. "You don't too, do you?"

"Let's just say I had an…encounter with a female friend of mine back in Nileesa after a drunken night. Hands certainly wandered, but it didn't get any further than that. What did Rod think of it?"

"He got to have sex with two women at once, what guy is going to complain at that? Although if I even try to talk to him about it he clams up and goes scarlet, it is really quite cute. So, ever think you and Alistair might follow that route someday?"

Arria scoffed. "That is a long way off, Lissa. We haven't even really moved anywhere near intimacy ourselves, let alone with an addition."

The raven-haired woman nodded her head towards their Mabari. "Maybe you should follow the example of these two. Strange to this they only met a few hours ago." Watching the two of them with soft eyes, Arria couldn't help but agree. Carou was clearly head over heels for Hallai, as she had suspected from the start, but it seemed the female Mabari was finding her confidence around him and the two were never further than two feet apart. "They kinda remind me of you and Alistair. Hallai's confidence is so low at the moment, but it seems Carou is bringing her out slowly. Maybe we might end up with some Mabari puppies someday soon?"

Arria laughed. "Maybe." As the two got closer to the market again, both Mabari ground to a halt and started growling. "What is it guys?" Neither Hallai nor Carou stopped to look back at their mistresses but barked as several cloaked figures appeared from the shadows. Both women drew their blades as Hallai ran behind them and started snarling again. When Arria turned around she saw more of them, making for around twenty-five in total. She swore at the number, knowing the odds were seriously stacked against them, even with both hounds at their sides. The two women came back-to-back as their own Mabari took station in front of them, baring their teeth threateningly at anyone who came close to them, but they were vastly outnumbered. Looking to make the most of their advantage, several of them charged at the girls.

Arria shouted for Elissa to crouch and she did so, just managing to get low enough so that Arria's spinning kick whooshed over her back as she kicked away several of their adversaries, leaving Elissa to kill them with her arrows. When the rest of the men charged, Arria directed Carou to protect the younger woman as she leapt away and diverted some of them to her. Seeing the Nileesan woman as an easier target, most of them changed course and headed her way, allowing Elissa to bring down some with her arrows while Carou and Hallai stuck close to her, bringing down any of the men who got too close. When one slipped between them Elissa smacked him across the face with her bow before slitting his throat with her knife, leaping back into a more advantageous location as she tried to help Arria.

The Warden was forced onto the defensive with the number of enemies and was just managing to dodge their many strikes while barely getting in one of her own. The daggers whizzed by mere centimetres away and she felt a few nick her as she dove of the way for a larger assault. When the numbers thinned out again thanks to Elissa's precise arrows, she threw herself back into the fray and slid through, cutting through several of their legs as she rushed past. About half of them swiftly changed their focus from attack to survival as they could no longer move of their own accord, but one saw his chance as Arria was spinning back to her feet and threw his knife, striking her straight in her right shoulder and staying there. She screeched and dropped her sword as she lost all feeling in the arm, parrying away all the strikes she could with her lone blade, unable to move as freely as she normally would. The lack of mobility left her severely disadvantaged and vulnerable: just she was forced to jump backwards rather than parry away a blow, she had to fend one off from her side and couldn't spin back in time to defend against the other. His blade sliced clean into her abdomen and her cry was cut off as the intense pain wracked her body.

"_Arria!" _screamed Elissa as she saw her friend crumple to the floor in a bloody mess, but still alive. She fired arrows mercilessly at the few aggressors that remained as Carou and Hallai charged in to slay all those close to Arria. The hounds took down two more each as Elissa shot down another two, killing the last standing one with her dagger as the Mabari then proceeded to kill all those defenceless on the ground. When the coast was clear, Elissa ran to Arria. "Carou, get Alistair and Rod!" she shouted as she pulled the sword and dagger free of Arria's body. The Warden whimpered in pain as the objects were removed and coughed up blood as Elissa tried to stem the bleeding with a piece of fabric torn from one of the men's clothes. She could see Arria's life fading away from her as the blood slipped out of her body. "_Somebody help me!" _she shouted desperately, hoping Carou would find the others soon. When a cloaked figure emerged from the shadows, initially unseen by Elissa, she tried to raise her bow as he got closer but he stepped on it, preventing her from picking it back up. Her knife was then kicked out of her hand before it could reach its mark and she stared fearfully up at the man they were both at the mercy of, fearing this could be the end of them both. _"Help me!"_

* * *

Alistair, Rod, Zevran and Leliana were running through the back alleys of the market district when they heard Elissa's cry. The urgency in her voice made everyone pause and look at each other in mild fear. "That was Lissa," whispered Rod while looking around frantically, trying to work out where the cry had come from. It wasn't until Carou came skidding around a corner, barking madly that the other started moving again. "Carou! Take us to them!" The Mabari led the way and they set off again just as her second, fearful cry tore through the air and made the air freeze in the lungs of both Rod and Alistair. The fact that Elissa was so scared and they hadn't even heard Arria yet…

When they finally arrived at the right spot, they found Arria lying motionless on the ground with a cloaked man kneeling next to her, the staff in his hand giving away that he was a mage, while Elissa was nowhere to be seen. Leliana prepared to fire at him and the men readied themselves to charge before Hallai jumped in front to protect both the unknown man and Arria. Carou howled at her in confusion and she barked back defiantly, not letting any of them closer. The group shared confused looks for a few seconds before Elissa's voice rang through the air. "Don't attack him! He's helping Arria!" she shouted as she reappeared from another alley with wet rags. Now seeing that Elissa was safe and well, along with the knowledge that the stranger was a friend rather than foe, the rest sheathed their weapons.

No longer armed, Hallai let them pass and Alistair collapsed to Arria's side, his stomach churning at the gaping wound in her abdomen. Rod hugged Elissa tightly right next to them as Alistair gathered Arria into his arms. "Arria," he whispered brokenly, terrified at how pale she was. As the mage continued to heal her, he turned his attention instead to Elissa. "What happened?"

"We were ambushed, and Arria drew most of them to her in an attempt to protect me. They were too many for her, before I could really help to any great degree she was caught by a thrown dagger in her shoulder. With only one arm and less mobility, she didn't really stand a chance." This battle had shown up Arria's greatest weakness. With freedom to move, she was formidable, but restrict her movement and she was vulnerable. It was something they were all going to have to be more careful of in the future, because that had been far too close. "Here," she said, passing the wet rags to Alistair.

The male Warden took them and began cleaning away the worst of the blood from Arria's body as the damage continued to mend. A single stream had leaked out the side of her mouth and that was the first to be wiped away before he moved to her shoulder, removing as much as he could from around her wound. By the time he was about to move onto her stomach the mage had finished his job and was slumped over as he tried to regain his strength. Alistair cleaned away the blood as best he could and ran his fingers over the new, and quite large, pale scar on her stomach. It showed the outline of the blade clearly and he winced at just how noticeable it was. The littler scars could be put down to training incidents which weren't healed, but a wound like that clearly needed a healer's touch else she would have died, just she is left with a scar. If anything was going to potentially give away her mixed blood heritage, it would be that.

Arria began to stir a few minutes later and groaned deeply at the various aches across her body. She initially froze when she felt herself being crushed against a body, but she soon recognised Alistair's grip and hugged him back, knowing herself just how close a call that had been. Her eyes drifted to look for the man who had saved her life and she saw him sitting on the ground, slumped over and he gave her a tired smile. "Thank you, for saving my life," she said earnestly, causing Alistair to pull back but keep his arms tightly around her. The slight tremble in his grasp made her heart ache.

"What can we ever do to repay you?" asked Alistair, infinitely grateful to the stranger.

He chuckled. "Not report me? As you well know, apostates aren't thought of highly."

"If that is all you ask that we are more than happy to oblige."

"Are you sure there isn't anything else we could do?" inquired Arria, noticing just how exhausted the man was.

He paused for a few seconds as he thought it over. "Don't suppose you know a place I can stay?"

The group shared a look before they face him again. "I think we do, actually. What's you name."

The mage stood and pulled down his hood for the first time, feeling at peace with the group around him. "Anders, at your service."

* * *

As soon as everyone was comfortable there would be no more surprise attacks, the group had headed back to the Gnawed Noble, where Alistair had taken Arria straight back to their room to recover while everyone else discussed the events which had transpired. Anders was integrated into their group for the time being and would be doubling up with Zevran , but at the first chance she had got Wynne had pulled him over to the side, curious as to his presence in the city. While Alistair too had questions about many things that had happened that day, he was currently more concerned about Arria. His female companion was currently resting in their makeshift bed on the floor, staring up into the ceiling above him as he watched from the door, wondering what she was thinking. Her hand was drifting over her scar aimlessly as her fingers memorised the feel of the new mark on her skin while her attention was clearly on something else. "Arri," he spoke quietly, hoping to gain her attention. She made a small noise to acknowledge she had heard him, but did not change her position. "What's on your mind, honey?"

She smiled at the term of endearment while she continued to look upwards. "Does it bother you how many times we've cheated Death now? Or more specifically, I have. Merlinne, the Joining, Ostagar, Kinloch Hold, Brecilian Forest and now this…" Alistair lay down next to her as she was speaking, watching her gently as she expressed her thoughts. That was six times I could have, or even should have died. I wonder how long this luck of mine is going to hold."

He moved his hand to where hers was and began stroking the new blemish to her skin. It was just as soft and smooth as the rest of it, but was discoloured as with all her other scars. "I've beaten it a few times myself now, it's not just your luck we need to stay with us. I'd say almost all of us are lucky to be alive as we are now, though today was one of the biggest frights we've had. We wouldn't have been able to get you back to Wynne in time, had Anders not found the two of you-" she felt the shudder running through him as well as heard it in his voice. Her eyes left the roof to meet his own, and she surprised him by raising a hand to bring him in close to kiss him hard. As with many of the other situations where they had found one or the other seriously hurt or nearly killed, they needed the comfort of each other and something to show just how alive they were. Where before they might have need a fight to show it, with their deepening relationship and trust, they were slowly beginning to tread new ground.

Alistair's lips left hers and he moved to her neck, leaving a gentle trail as he felt her shiver. She let him have his freedom, trusting him not to push too hard and take them somewhere they weren't ready for yet, but she wanted him feel how alive she was. His path continued to the base of her neck, and he decided to test her readiness when he moved instead to her stomach, his kisses covering all of her scars. The tenderness in his touches made her heart ache and she swallowed back the small fear which arose with where he was situated. This was a whole new level of intimacy between them, but it seemed tonight he was determined to really test her limits when he moved to her lips once again, but hands moved to trace her sides. To begin with it was nothing more than normal, but they soon left her waist and rose higher, brushing just besides her breasts. He felt her freeze at the nearness and pulled back to look into her eyes, knowing they would tell him beyond all doubt whether she was ready for this. Her eyes relayed her instinctive fear, but they also showed her trust in him. When his own eyes asked the question, she barely nodded. Alistair pulled his tunic over his head before he reached down to claim her lips again, appreciating how she reached up to meet him halfway and so proud at her courage.

He knew he was asking a lot of her tonight, but Elissa's words from earlier in the days kept running through his head and he realised just how right she had been. Arria couldn't take the first step because she didn't know how, that ability having been taken away from her with all the pain she had suffered at Howe's hands. Her bravery astounded him: that she was trusting him with this considering they had known each other for a month and been a couple for only two weeks of that…no doubt their experiences made everything seem so much longer, but it was still a massive leap of faith on her part, and he truly hoped he was worthy of such trust.

As his hand moved from its position at her side and skimmed over her clothes for the first time, he took careful note of her reactions. She was still very tense but she hadn't done anything other than drag in a shaky breath as she waited for him to move again. He kissed her hard as he slowly shifted to brush over her breast, noticing the deep recesses on them even through her clothes. Arria too felt where what he had discovered and a few tears escaped her as he pulled back to look at her. She opened her eyes slowly, afraid of what she would see now that he was aware of one her more severe scars, but all she saw love and concern for her. A hand came up to caress her cheek and she leant into the comforting touch, letting a few more tears fall. His eyes asked everything and she tried to release some of the tension in her body before she answered him. "I got a lucky shot in at Howe one day. My punishment was to be whipped over my breasts and legs until I felt like I could barely breathe, and literally could not walk. The damage to my breasts was fixed by a healer as best it could, but my legs were left to recover in their own time. Hauling myself around with what little strength I had left in my arms gave him an enormous amount of satisfaction, as did the fact I couldn't really fight back anymore." She could see the deep sorrow in his features at what had been done to her, and raised her hands to cup his cheeks. "There are more stories than this one, some better and some worse. Many will hurt, and it will take me a long time to share them, some I hope to never have to share, but as we get closer more of them will surface. Just promise me you will never stop loving me, no matter what you hear or see."

And in that moment she had confessed her deepest fear with their growing relationship. He wiped away a few of the stray tears which made their way down her cheeks and kissed her neck gently, willing her to relax into his touch. She slowly did so, her skin tingling where his lips had lingered moments before as he began moving back to where her clothes covered her upper body. Feeling his hands barely drifting over her sash, she opened her eyes to heed his silent question and nodded slowly. "Please don't push too hard," she begged and he kissed her deeply, hoping he could reassure her with connection they had shared for so long. Gentle hands ran along the edge of her clothes and slipped barely beneath, allowing him to see the barest amount of the damage done. His hatred for Howe grew as he saw some of the worst of which the woman he loved had suffered, but he soon sensed her fear taking over. Realising what they had done would probably trigger bad enough memories for them to deal with tonight, he left her body and kissed her gently.

Arria slumped in relief but also with a slight disappointment. Her skin still tingled from where his touch had set her skin on fine, but having let him in so close meant memories of less gentle hands abusing her and taking advantage of her inability to fight back. With her emotions a complete and utter mess, she went willingly when he opened his arms for her. "Thank you," she whispered to him, so grateful for his patience and understanding.

"I should be the one thanking you, Arria. Your courage amazes me, and I still don't know how you find it within yourself to let me so close after all you have been through, but I know we are moving in the right direction. We'll get there someday." His lips lingered briefly on her forehead and she smiled into his chest. "Thank you."

She snuggled in tighter and they stayed like that for a few minutes before she spoke again. "Tomorrow we can talk with the others about what happened today, and if it is safe enough, do you want to take a small side trip?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know where Goldanna lives, don't you?"

She could feel the minor tensing of his body. "Yeah, I do. What do you think will happen, when I met her I mean."

"I don't know. The relationship with my own sister wasn't great, and we didn't have half as complicated a past as the two of you. I guess we can only wait and see."

"I'm nervous, but excited. I wonder what she is like?"

"We'll find out tomorrow hopefully."

He could see the shadows in her eyes and kissed her lightly. "You will tell me if it is ever too much, won't you?"

"Yes, I will, but I get the feeling neither of us really wants to know what keeps me awake at night. Some if it was so much of a nightmare that it makes me feel sick still knowing it was real."

His heart felt heavy, but he held her tightly as he watched her drift off to sleep. When she grew fitful only an hour later, he whispered gently into her ear, willing her to remember it was nothing more than a dream. He couldn't hurt her anymore. She jolted awake soon after and the two stayed like that for much of the night. In the back of his mind, Alistair couldn't think about the events of the day just gone past. Maybe Howe couldn't hurt her now, but there was still so much that could, and the longer they stayed in Denerim, the greater the chance was that Loghain might discover them. There was no way to tell how things would go from here.

* * *

As always, please leave me your thoughts as opinions! Until next time.

Negative Angel


	28. A King's Beginning

Special thanks to** Melysande, Kid-X** and **Lady Mimzy** for leaving your thoughts with me, as well a big hello to all those who have just joined me on this adventure! In recent times I have noticed that a lot of those who used to be regular reviewers at the beginning of this story have since stopped reviewing. I don't know if this is due to people having stopped reading my work or for some other reason, but I would love to hear from all of you again, if for no other reason to know you are still with me on this rollercoaster journey. We still have a long way to go!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 27: A King's Beginning**

Neither of the Wardens slept well that night, and it had barely gone five in the morning when the two of them gave on trying to find rest, finding their thoughts far too frantic to surrender into the grip of slumber, although for two very different reasons. While Alistair's mind had been running through just how badly things could have gone the day just past, Arria was busy dealing with all her conflicting emotions when it came to the two of them. So far she wasn't entirely sure what to think of the new level to their relationship, especially with what today signified. It was exactly one month since they had met, and that realisation had made her take a step back and look back at all which had occurred. Everything they had been through up to now felt like an age and it was only once she had really stopped to glance backwards that she realised just how far she had come. One month ago she was newly freed, timid and afraid of a world which she was sure would not hesitate to destroy her should she be discovered. Duncan had coached her through their days of travelling to Ostagar on many things which might expose her: teaching her current events and key moments of recent history so that she could blend in as best she could amongst the Wardens, but she had to wonder whether there would have been some there that she could have trusted with the truth. It had also made her wonder as to how things might have developed between her and Alistair.

The two of them had developed an instant bond of closeness, despite her being terrified of men, but it wasn't until after the tragic events of that final battle in those ruins that she had marginally opened up and let him inside. Had things gone differently, it might have taken weeks or even months for her to reach that stage, but the extraordinary situation they were thrown into had forced her to seek comfort in the one person she could even marginally trust. Once he knew about her captivity, it had amazed her how their closeness steadily grew until the day she still wished had never happened. The day they had been forced to make the choice of life and death: of who to sacrifice between Connor and Isolde. Her heart still felt torn over the cruelty of that day, but that night had been the beginning of them; it was probably the night which marked the biggest change in her to date. At her most vulnerable, he had shown her the truth of his emotions and she had embraced the change rather than shy away from to possibilities of where it could take them.

Two weeks down the road they had begun to take huge steps towards a place she thought she might never reach, but she was surprised to find how much she sought the next time they tried something. Her skin still tingled when she thought of how gentle his touches were, how his hands managed to steadily pull emotions out of her that she had long thought might be lost forever, and even though ever step forward brought that instinctive fear out of her when it came to anything of that nature, she was more than ready to be done with these demons. In the deep corners of her mind, however, she was still terrified of how to let him nearer, to give him even greater freedom when it came to them. So far, every situation in which they had attempted something even vaguely intimate, she had always felt she had a large amount of control over how things went. Sooner or later, things were going to develop to a stage where it was equal parts trust and control for both of them, and she didn't know what to think of it.

This time, she didn't need an outlet because she was running from an emotion: she needed it because of what she was facing it.

Both Wardens went to ask if there were any rooms not in use in the tavern, and they were directed to a large room in a far corner where they were assured they would not be disturbed, nor would they be heard by anyone sleeping in a room nearby. Once they were inside Arria locked the door to make sure there would be no spectators for what their activities, so far nothing had alerted the locals to her heritage but if anything were to do so, it would be her fighting style. Alistair placed their weapons in easy reach in another area of the room along with Arria's armour: he was taking no chances after yesterday and Arria could not help but agree. When everyone else was awake they could ask about whether they had any clues on where to start looking for Marjolaine, but until that time they needed to keep themselves occupied from their heavy thoughts. Her eyes drifted to the holes in his armour and she stepped next to him to run her hands along the breaks in the splintmail. "You know, we should really see about you getting some new armour today, Alistair," she suggested while examining the damage much more closely.

His gaze followed to where hers was currently situated and but soon turned away, the reminder of what happened in the Brecilian Forest still painful. "Yeah, I guess you are right. Not sure if we have enough coin for it though."

"Let's ask Lissa for some help when she wakens up, all of hers and Rod's new equipment looks fantastic, and she was fairly sure that she could convince the blacksmith in town to take on the job for a reasonable rate. Once we know how much we need, we can go ask the sergeant if he has enough errands that need running to pay for it." Alistair bit back his tongue at the 'we', very unwilling to let her back out today after the near miss but he knew she wouldn't appreciate the suggestion. They both knew she could take care of herself, but her words from the night before were haunting him: there was only so long before one near miss turned into something fatal, and her count was getting pretty high. She could only defy death for so long. "Come on, let's go," she said, noticing the dark look in his eyes but not asking about it. He could release any emotions as they fought.

Alistair sighed and watched her as she moved back a couple of paces. "I really don't know why you are doing this, my efforts last time were rather pathetic."

Arria chuckled and shook her head. "If you saw how I was my first time, you wouldn't be saying that. This is an art that takes a lot of time and effort to master, Alistair. Don't forget, I've been fighting like this for years now, and I could already handle knives rather well when I began to specialise as a Dancer, I had a head start on the weapons side, much as you do. The difficult part is mastering the basics, as well as discovering the Song."

"That is something I have been meaning to ask you, Arri. What is the Song."

She paused, trying to find the right words for how to describe it. Settling for the words her teacher had spoken to her, she relayed them to him. "The Song is…an expression of your soul. It is something you can use to enhance your skills with but the right direction, but it can also be your undoing if you aren't careful. Every person has their own Song, just as they all have their own soul, but most never find a way to utilise it in battle. Once it is unlocked, you can use it at any time, but with that new power comes a new weakness, much as anything in this life. If you begin to use it, you leave yourself vulnerable to someone else who can manipulate it."

"What do you mean?"

"There are three areas of the Song. Artists and Dancer both use one area, Bards use a different part while Songstresses use the last. The reason that you can normally only find Bards outside of Nileesa is due to the fact you need magical blood to be able to tap into the other two, simply because of their higher level skills. Because the three areas don't have many distinct differences until that stage, most people don't even realise the two other branches exist."

"So how am I going to be able to learn this then? I don't have magical blood."

"Do you remember what I said before? Fade Shifting is the only talent of an Artist or Dancer that requires the mixed blood which I possess. You can learn everything else, and while you probably won't use much of it, just learning the extra balance and manoeuvrability will be a great help, especially since you really don't know how to duck and it is quite a handy skill."

He mock glared at her and she smiled sweetly back. Sighing explosively, he readied himself. "All right, let's get the embarrassment over with."

Arria changed her stance and looked at him seriously, her eyes boring deep into his own. "You really need to have a bit more faith in yourself, Alistair." The meaningful tone caused him to pause, not having meant her to take it that way but she wasn't done yet. "Not everything that happens is something you can prevent, fate just likes to screw people over when it feels like it. You could not have prevented Ostagar, nor any of the events since. Yesterday was not your fault, and you couldn't have done anything about it. Just because things are not easy does not mean it is a failing on your part," she finished quietly, urging him to take her words to heart.

They struck a little too close to the truth for his liking and a guilty pang resonated through him since yesterday really was his fault: if he hadn't been so anxious to make sure Arria wouldn't discover her surprise for her birthday, she might never have been hurt, but she couldn't know his thoughts without giving away his plans. "How do you do that, Arri, see right into me?"

She smiled sadly. "My best friend spent a lifetime in hiding, not letting anyone in close. Years of chipping away at his shell made me very perceptive I guess," she admitted, her thoughts drifting briefly back to her homeland. Alistair didn't miss the deep sadness in her eyes but it was very quickly gone again as she got into position. "Let's go. If you think you are defeated before you begin, then you really are. You have to believe in this, Alistair, otherwise it's never going to work."

He couldn't help but wonder if she was just talking about teaching him, but he stopped thinking as he settled in to take a first strike at her. Alistair led with a punch but this time watched her movements much more carefully, having learned his lesson from before. Arria ducked and spun away, keeping a few feet between them as Alistair moved in again, aiming for the body this time. She parried his blow away and quickly struck his shoulder, forcing him back and sending a shooting pain down his arm. The male Warden growled at the move and she winked at him, hoping to goad him into another attack. He took the bait and moved in closer, but she was mildly surprised to see him attempt a low kick. Her leg intercepted the strike and she swung it away, though he was ready for that move this time and used the momentum to give him more power for another punch. Arria bent backwards and flipped over, kicking his hand away and spinning him out of control. Alistair just about managed to regain his footing, but Arria then kicked at his supporting ankle and he crashed to the floor. He was waiting for to attack him while he was down but was shocked to see her standing with her arms crossed and a smug grin on her face. His determination and annoyance went up a notch or two and he stood to launch another series of attacks. Arria dodged all of them with ease but watched with interest as she saw that his higher emotional state was beginning to give him higher power, but also great co-ordination. With a knowing smile, she smacked her hand off the back of his head, much as she had done the first time they fought and his anger grew. With a shout he swung much harder than he intended, but it was also so quick that Arria didn't have time to dodge.

Alistair watched mildly stunned as caught his fist between her hands and absorbed the impact, but the distraction meant that he didn't see her attack until her knee had connected with his stomach. He groaned and stumbled back, but she wasn't done. Arria started her own series of mild punches and kicks, looking to see how he would react at a disadvantage. Most of her strikes were either parried or dodged, but when he instead deflected one and moved in close to attack again, she was impressed with his instinctive movement. She bent backwards and Alistair readied himself to be kicked away again, but was caught off-guard when her legs instead clamped around his shoulder. Realising too late what she was about to do, she used her momentum to flip him over with her and he felt himself winded as he clattered to the floor, his back aching at the angle which he had landed. Arria moved to pin his arms and legs with her own and smirked as when he tried to throw her off, found he did not have the strength, which considering how light she was…"How?" he asked while looking up at her.

"There is more to winning a fight than strength. I am nowhere near the strongest of people, but I know how to use what little I have to my advantage. Distinct pressure points on your arms and legs mean that when pinned, even the weakest fighter can gain a winning position. Your body itself is a weapon, it needs only be used the right way, and it can be just as deadly as any piece of metal crafted by the hands of people…if not even more so," she finished in a whisper, the dual meaning of the statement settled in for both of them. He could see the flickers of shadows settling in her eyes as she began remembering just how true that statement was and Alistair shifted his right arm, hoping she would let him free. Her hand moved just a couple of inches further down but that was enough to let him break her grip. His hand came to settle at the back of her neck and the two met for a tender kiss; Alistair wasn't going to let the memories consume her too much.

Arria willingly surrendered to him and slowly settled on top of him, the pair losing themselves to their growing connection. Her memories were far too close to the surface and both knew this was not the time to be pushing boundaries, so they just spent many minutes kissing and appreciating the feeling of the other being so close. Even now, after having so much time like this, the depth of emotions it stirred within them never ceased to amaze and enthral them. As they parted, Alistair held her close and stared at her for the longest time. Arria still felt like looking away such was the intensity of emotion he showed her but she was starting to believe she was worthy of the love he held for her. When one of his hands drifted down to her chest to skim over her deep scars, she smiled at him timidly, and rested upon his chest. There was no intent to his touch and though she wasn't comfortable with it yet, she was slowly growing more at ease with the idea of taking things forward another step. It didn't take long for his hands to move and draw small circles on her back, eliciting a giggle out of her. Alistair laughed as she tried to squirm away and tickled her more, going with her when she sat up to try and get away from him. The two of them sat there for a few seconds before his hand came to caress her cheek. "I really don't say it to you enough," he whispered while kissing her jaw line.

Her breath caught slightly and she absorbed the feeling of his lips on her skin before she replied. "Don't say what?"

"Just how beautiful you are." He felt her smile and moved to whisper into her ear. "Or how much I love you."

Unable to help herself, she twisted to connect their lips and kissed him passionately, catching him slightly off-guard at the force she put into it. When she felt he was suitably dazed, she pulled back and laughed quietly at his stunned look before she spoke. "And I love you, I just wish I had figured it out a long time ago."

"Arri, we have only been together for a couple of weeks, I certainly wasn't expecting you to say it so soon."

"Neither was I, but I think my heart knew it from the start; my head just needed time to catch up." Their eyes wandered to the window as the sun began to stream in, signalling it had finally broken the horizon and the true beginning of the day. "Come on, I guess we should head through and say good morning to all the others. I wonder how Zevran found it sharing with Anders?"

Alistair shrugged. "My guess is Zevran didn't even spend the night there, he might well have found some beautiful young woman to pass the time."

Arria's eyebrows rose. "Pass the time?"

He blushed slightly. "Well, you know what I mean."

She giggled as a thought occurred to her. "Say, did Rod tell you what he and Elissa got up to before we arrived?"

"Nothing apart from what he told both of us. Why…?"

* * *

Most of the group were awake and about an hour later, where they discussed the events of yesterday; Sten and Morrigan were yet to be seen, though none were too surprised that they had not yet made an appearance. Leliana sadly revealed the truth of her relationship with Marjolaine, along with the her subsequent treatment as a prisoner to everyone else in the group, but she gave more detail this time than just the vague snippets that Alistair and Arria had received on the way to Kinloch Hold. More than one set of eyes showed sympathy but a few were surprised when it was Zevran who gave her a gentle hug for a few moments. Leliana shared her guess that Marjolaine sent out her men to eliminate those close to her so that she would chase her former lover in rage, but their skills had bettered that of those sent after them. The Bard said she would set out to try and discover Marjolaine's location as soon as she was ready, but the others wouldn't let her go alone. Zevran, Elissa and Rod all offered to help her, as well as Alistair and Arria but Leliana asked the Wardens to keep a low profile for the moment, at least until she was sure her former lover was not hiding in a location that risked the two of them being exposed. While Arria was reluctant to accept the suggestion at first, Alistair was slightly relieved that she wouldn't be throwing herself back into danger so soon. Leliana set off with Zevran as close company while Rod and Elissa said they would be joining them later: Elissa had an errand to run in the market first and she wanted Arria for company.

Before they set off on their tasks however, there was one person that everyone there wanted to speak to. "So Anders, how is that an apostate mage came to be in Denerim?" Rod asked, the question having been a part of everyone's minds since the events of yesterday.

The mage sat back and appeared deep in thought. "Well…where to start? It was a few days that I bolted from Kinloch Hold, unable to take the treatment of the Templars any longer and just decided to make the most of my final bout of freedom. To start with I didn't really have any particular destination in mind, I just wanted to stay out of their grasp as long as possible. Being perfectly honest, I expected to get caught days ago. Reaching Denerim was a bit of a shock and I was not so sure entering the city was such a good idea, but I figured it would be easier to lose myself in a city rather than the middle of nowhere. I was looking for somewhere to stay when I heard the ruckus from all the fighting yesterday. By the time I got closer you had already been stabbed and the last of that lot were being finished off. As soon as I thought it would be safe to approach, I did so."

"I never had the chance to thank you properly yesterday, for saving my life," said Arria, not missing how Alistair's hand found hers and was gripped on quite tight. As ever, he needed constant reassurance that she really was still here with him. Giving a comforting squeeze back, she continued on. "Thank you Anders, but what do you mean you couldn't stand the Templars anymore?"

Anders' eyes darkened in fury and he fought to keep his anger back. "Ever since that whole situation in the Tower the Templars have been worse than ever. You can't even go to the bathroom in peace! There is always someone watching you, and if a mage ever manages to slip away from someone watching them, they are placed in immediate confinement. Two more of our number were killed in cold blood because they were suspected of being Blood mages. All they were guilty of was being two people in love who wanted to have a private moment together! But the Templars who found them suspected them of plotting another attack and killed them instantly."

Everyone was horrified at what they were hearing. "Why did Petra not tell me of this?" asked Wynne in a quiet voice, unable to believe things had descended into such chaos since the events which nearly destroyed the only home she had ever known.

Anders sat back in defeat. "Many of the Templars who are up to this threatened the kids, and Petra was told to keep silent about the treatment since it is common knowledge that you are with the Grey Wardens, and they are the only thing the Templars really fear at the moment more than Blood mages." Alistair and Arria both sat up in shock, and Anders turned his gazes to the two of them. "I never saw the two of you that day you came to the Tower, but what you achieved is already a legend within its walls. The two of you achieved the impossible: you cleared the Tower of all the abominations and Blood mages, while defeating Uldred and coming out of it unscathed. The Templars know that if the two of you decided they were out of order, you might well head back that way and set things straight. That was why Petra stayed quiet. If she didn't, she would have been condemning all the kids to death."

"Well, I guess the truth of what happened in those hours never became common knowledge. Looks like Leliana didn't tell too much when she went back," surmised Arria.

"I can't believe the Templars are afraid of us, surely they realise that we are just two people?" asked Alistair dumbfounded.

"And we didn't do all that in the Tower alone. Without Leliana and especially Wynne, we could well have died. I _would _have died were it not for Wynne. Although maybe it is for the best that the Templars do fear us. If they didn't, who knows what they could be doing?" Arria paused as thought of something. "Anders, what does this mean for you, when they find you?"

He shrugged. "They'll kill me I guess, but that's okay. I'd rather be dead that stuck in that nightmare."

The two Wardens shared a look, the same idea coming to the pair of them. "You think we could do it?" questioned Alistair.

"Why not? That's how Duncan saved me. So what if we don't have the knowledge or items to actually complete it, the rest of the world doesn't need to know in the meantime."

Everyone else shared confused glances. "What is it you two?" said Elissa.

Both Wardens looked at Anders. "What if we said we knew a way to ensure the Templars couldn't kill you, or demand you return to the Tower?"

He looked at the pair of them disbelievingly. "I'd say you are both insane."

"Well, we won't deny it has an enormous amount of risk and change attached to it. It might very well kill you instead," admitted Alistair.

"What are you two thinking?" asked Rod, completely lost.

It was Wynne who first worked it out. "The Right of Conscription."

Alistair was the one who nodded. "The Grey Wardens have the right to enlist anyone in their order, but only if that person accepts. Whether anyone else objects to it doesn't matter. King Maric restored the Right when the Wardens were allowed back into Ferelden."

"Wait, you want me to become a Grey Warden?" questioned Anders in disbelief.

"You are the only one who knows the truth of events in Kinloch Hold who is currently not under the control of the Chantry, we need you alive, Anders," stated Arria.

"Besides that, you saved Arria's life, and we aren't very well going to let you die after all you have done for us," added Alistair.

Anders didn't look convinced, so Arria continued. "The Wardens is not the easiest thing to become a part of. It almost becomes your whole identity, but the Templars would never be able to touch you. We exist out of their judgement, and they are forced to respect our wishes in this matter. And besides, after everything you have told us, do you really think they would try anything against you if we said you are now one of us?"

The mage pondered this for a few seconds before his face broke out into a grin. "Sure, why not? Get away from the Templars for life and be a free man, sounds like a good trade to me."

"We can tell you more as we get closer to the Joining, but that will be a long time coming yet since we don't actually possess the knowledge to create more Wardens. All that information died with the other Wardens at Ostagar. So until then, we will have to be careful. This is a bid change, Anders, and it is a life of hardship if you accept."

"At least it _is _a life. No need to tell me anything else, I'm more than happy to accept. So…I'm to be a Grey Warden, huh? Talk about coincidence: I've heard about you guys so much in the past couple and I wondered whether you were as much as you were cracked up to be. I've never been so wrong. Thank you both, for giving me this chance."

"It is the least we can do." After all the Anders had told them, the group separated to their own destinations. Elissa dragged Arria out with her and both their Mabari followed them while Wynne chose to see if she could acquire any more herbs and poultices from the market, leaving Alistair, Rod and Anders to themselves in the tavern. The men chatted for a few minutes about innocuous topics, relaxing as much as they could after all they had discovered.

It wasn't long though before Rod noticed the look Alistair was giving him. "What?" he asked uncertainly, hating the smug smile on the Warden's face.

"So…what's this I hear about you and Elissa spending some time with a pirate the other day?"

Rod groaned loudly and his head collided with the table several times as he went scarlet. "I can't believe she told you about that!"

"Not me, Arria, but of course she couldn't resist telling me. So, how was it with two women at once?"

Anders burst out laughing. "Wait a minute, are you telling me that Rod had sex with two women at the same time? This is brilliant! Now this I've got to hear."

Rod growled in his throat. "Lissa I am going to kill you…" He sighed explosively and sat back while crossing his arms. "Might as well get this over with, what do you want to know?"

Alistair smirked, loving this chance to get his own back after weeks of pestering by Rod. "Well, I think the first question would have to be was it any good?"

The knight scoffed. "Well let's see what you would think of seeing two women going at it hard for each other and getting the pleasure of both of their company at the same time. Of course I enjoyed it! It was only afterwards that I admitted to Lissa I'd be thinking about doing something like that with her for a long time since we got together. Now I swear she is determined to see it happen again."

Both the other men were suddenly very intrigued. "I've gotta admit, there is something incredibly hot about two girls going for each other," admitted Anders, remembering seeing a few pairings of women in the Tower but never really thinking about it too much until now.

Alistair on the other hand, was suddenly realising how much the idea _did _appeal to him but brushed it aside, favouring his other thought instead. "I've got to admit, I never pictured Elissa to be the type who went for women as well as men."

Rod burst out laughing. "Oh you have no idea. While she has only even really attempted anything with me, she's always found women very attractive, though she lacked the courage to try anything. You'd better be careful, because she's had her eye on Arria since day one."

Alistair just about squeaked. _"What?!"_

The knight laughed. "Lissa has always found Arria attractive, she didn't know whether Arria could accept it, but she confided in me a few days after we met. Don't worry, it's not anything other than an attraction, but I get the feeling that Lissa might be able to raise Arria's confidence to new levels. Just keep your eyes out for any changes in the next few days, because I think she might just be trying to push Arria into the two of you becoming more intimate." Alistair sighed and held his head in his hands. "You're wishing you hadn't asked me about this now, aren't you?"

Alistair glared back at his friend while Anders was about to fall off his chair in laughter. "I love you guys already! This is just brilliant!" If the rest of their interactions were as hilarious as this, he had the feeling this journey might be just as much funny as perilous.

* * *

Elissa had dragged Arria to Wade's Emporium in the market district, and introduced her to Herren, the man responsible for running the store, as well as Wade the blacksmith. Wade gushed over Elissa as soon as she was in the door and began to examine his handiwork for any scratches and blemishes before he launched off with thousands of questions: all of which were basically different ways of asking whether it all lived up to her hopes. The younger woman laughed him and assured him that everything was fantastic before she directed his attention to Arria. The Nileesan woman was slightly unsettled when his eyes lit up upon seeing her and he soon directed her to a pedestal in the centre of the room, almost drooling as he examined her armour and weapons. Both women giggled at his excitement as Herren told Wade to calm down so that he wouldn't scare their newest customer. "Nonsense!" protested Wade just as he began taking a closer look at the mechanisms of Arria's armour. "This craftsmanship is beyond anything I have ever seen! Oh you must allow me to hold onto this armour for a couple of days, my dear, just so I can attempt and improve it."

Arria shook her head and declined gracefully, unwilling to be parted with one of the last treasures of her homeland as Herren sighed loudly. "Of Maker help me, Wade will you relax! You'll give yourself a nosebleed at this rate!" he complained, causing Wade to move off in a huff.

Elissa couldn't stop laughing from her little corner. "It's like watching an old married couple, isn't it?"

Arria looked between the two men knowingly. "That's because we are, aren't we?"

Herren's mouth fell open in shock while Wade laughed heartily. "Perceptive, isn't she? Now, I have to know where and how you had this armour made." Arria explained as much as she could without giving too much away of her past and deflected his questions when he began asking about the lyrium infusions in her armour. It felt almost like an interrogation she had been through by the time someone else wandered into the shop and she was relieved to find it was Rod.

Wade reluctantly let Arria go as Elissa engrossed him in conversation while she wandered over to the knight. "Where's Alistair? You guys were together when we left you," she asked.

Rod shook his head and pointed her out the door. "He's out there, but I don't think he is really talking to me right now."

She raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"Ask him later, after he's cooled off a bit."

Arria was beginning to get a little worried and stepped outside, surprised to find him leaning against the outside of the shop, arms crossed and deep in thought. "Alistair?" He turned to face her swiftly and tried to morph his face into a natural look, but he soon gave up as she saw right through it. "What's going on with you and Rod?"

He growled in his throat. "Let's just say after I asked him about the two of them and Isabela, he pushed the wrong button. How was meeting with Wade?"

She couldn't help but smile. "He's eccentric, that's for sure, but he knows his stuff. I think it might be a good investment. What do you mean, what did he say?"

Alistair wasn't about to let her know all the details of the conversation, especially not their rather heated argument on the way to the shop when Rod began asking some questions which Alistair had thought was not only a bit personal, but was getting far too close to a topic that he couldn't even begin to empathise with. After they left the Gnawed Noble to head to Wade's, Rod had begun probing to see how far the two of them had gone and what Arria's triggers were. As good friends as the two of them were, he was more than a little uncomfortable talking about it, especially since he was trying to avoid any triggers and would not push her boundaries too far. When the other man had told him to try something new, Alistair had snapped saying that he couldn't possibly understand how difficult it was not only to see Arria fight through her memories every time they were close, but being terrified about possibly sending her back into those months of horror if he made the slightest wrong move. He hadn't meant to lash out at their friend since he knew he was only trying to help, but he was already extremely nervous about what was about to happen: Rod had just picked the wrong moment and pushed a little too hard. "I'll tell you later, let me just come to terms with it first."

Arria nodded in reply, knowing that feeling well and she smiled gently at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Nervous, excited…I really don't know anymore which one I feel more," he revealed, a small smile coming to his face. "Do you think she knows about me? Will she like me? What is she like? There are so many questions spinning in my head that I really don't know where to start. It's so strange to think that I'm about to meet my sister for the first time."

She took hold of his hand and intertwined their fingers. "This might not be everything you hope it to be, you know that right? My experience with my sister wasn't great, and I didn't have nearly as complicated a history as you two do."

Alistair sighed and tried to relax as best he could. "I know, but I've got to try or else I will never know. I really hope she likes me."

Arria kept back her thoughts, hoping not to spoil his positivity. Something inside her was saying that this could go terribly, but she hoped she was wrong. Goldanna was the only family Alistair had left and he deserved to have something permanent in his life other than just her. She may not have had much of a blood family connection, but she had felt the love of a brother by choice. And having known it, she hoped he could find that sibling connection with his sister. Elissa and Rod soon emerged from the shop and Arria was eager to find out how things had gone. "Well?"

"Wade had said he will make Alistair some new armour for ten sovereigns, as long as you let him have a closer look at your armour, Arria. He promises not to alter it in any way, but he is desperate to examine it in detail." Finding the terms to be incredibly generous, Arria agreed to it with a quick look at Alistair. Ten sovereigns was less than half of what they had expected to pay. "All right, then I guess we will see the two of you later. Have fun!" she shouted while waving back at them. Elissa had noticed the tension in Rod earlier and as soon as they were far enough away from the Wardens, she looked at him sternly. "Okay, spill. What happened to you?"

Rod seriously contemplated not telling her the truth, but he had known for a while there wasn't really many secrets between them and the Wardens, especially since he was worried about them more than anything. "I told Alistair." Elissa didn't quite catch onto what he meant. "About you and Arria."

A light went on in her eyes. "Oh…how did he take that?"

"Surprised to say the least, but I think we were wrong about Arria being the only one who could go backwards here."

"What do you mean?"

"Alistair is so terrified about making a mistake that I think he is going to end up doing it unintentionally. Their confidence in themselves is so low that it might be what really stops them from making the steps forward they need."

She paused and tightened her grip on his arm. "Maybe…but I get the feeling tomorrow night might change that."

He raised an eyebrow. "What are you scheming?"

Elissa smiled sweetly at him. "Since when do I scheme?"

"Never, until it came to those two and you decided to help them move in the right direction."

She had the decency to blush a little bit. "Maybe I shouldn't be getting involved so much, but I am desperate to see them happy together. They need each other, and we need them to have confidence in each other as well as themselves if they are going to be able to stop the Blight. We know from experience we are so much better as a pair but they have a lot of hurdles to overcome on their way there."

"Uh-huh…so where does this plan of yours fit in?"

A sly wink accompanied her answer. "You'll find out tomorrow."

* * *

It turned out Goldanna's address was just a hundred yards or so from Wade's Emporium, so the Wardens were there much quicker than they expected. Arria could see Alistair was nervous and she gripped his hand briefly before he knocked. "Moment of truth," she said just before she kissed him tenderly. "For luck," she elaborated at his confused expression, giving his hand one last squeeze before they knocked on the door.

A voice shouted on them to come in and the two did so. Just after they had shut the door behind them a woman appeared from the back of the house. She was dressed in raggedy clothes and the lines which marred her face made her seem much older than she no doubt was. It seemed her life was one of hardship and Arria's apprehension grew: she could only see this going badly. "Um, hello. You're Goldanna, aren't you?"

The woman regarded the two people before her suspiciously. "Yeah, I am Goldanna, but how do you know that? I've never met the two of you before."

"I know this might be a little bit hard to believe but my name is Alistair. I'm, well…I'm your brother."

"You what?"

"It's the truth, Goldanna," added Arria, hoping her small interjections might save this from being a complete disaster.

"Oh yeah, and what you here for?" sneered the woman, clearly disgusted to see Alistair now that she knew who he was.

"Well I…I guess I was looking for my family."

"Yeah, well you found 'em and you can see what we've got. Nothing. I've got five children I need to feed and not enough coin to make do for all of us, all because of you. You killed my mother and left us with squat, forcing us to live off scraps."

Arria couldn't help herself and snarled at the other woman. "That wasn't his fault!"

"Oh wasn't it? And who are you anyway? His little whore I'm guessing?"

Alistair's temper flared and he felt the shudder run through Arria at the word. "Don't you dare talk to her like that!"

"I'll talk the pair of you however I bloody like, you are both in my house, and if you don't intend on making yourselves useful by giving us some coin to make it through the day, I'd appreciate it if you got out."

Realising this was a lost cause, Arria took a hold of his arm and gently nudged him backwards. "Come on, Alistair, we should go, there is nothing for you here."

She could feel as well as see the anger rolling off of him. "You're right, let's get out of here." The two left swiftly and it was a fair distance before Alistair stopped his fast march. Arria stayed one step away, knowing he needed some time to himself before she approached. "She had no right to say that to you, I was tempted to run her through right then." His eyes came up to meet hers and he saw the sympathy in her gaze. "I just…that _shrew _is my sister? I can't believe it. I know you warned me but still…"

Arria moved to stand before him and hugged him tightly for a few seconds before pulling back, not missing how his arms stayed wrapped around her waist. "Family isn't just defined by blood, Alistair. I found that out painfully, just like you did, but you already have a family. All right it's the strangest group ever, but family is about being there for each other, and that is what we do. Once this is over, we might part ways with them, though you should know that I would _never _leave you. I love you and you are stuck with me whether you want me around or not." He chuckled at her attempt to cheer him up. "But there is something you need to do. You always put others above yourself, and you need to do what is best for _you _more often, otherwise you'll never be the man I know you can be."

"As if you don't do the same yourself?"

She smiled sadly. "Maybe I do put myself last too often, but I have seen and felt what happens when you don't always think for yourself and try to protect others. It backfired on me in probably the worst way possible, and I'd never forgive myself if the same thing happened to you. That bitch doesn't deserve to be related to you, because while she is just some cow who lives to make others' lives miserable, you are something truly great." She held his face and looked deep into his eyes. "Nobody else could have brought me back from the edge of despair I was placed upon, but somehow you did. Inside of you I see someone who is powerful, loyal…beautiful, and I want you to protect yourself so you don't lost those qualities. While you may curse your father and bloodline, I can see him inside of you. Please don't lose all you are as you try to save everyone else…even if that someone is me."

His emotions felt so tangled that he didn't know how to respond to her, so he instead moved to capture her lips lightly, needing to feel her close. The love they shared was now as important as the very air he breathed and he was so glad to have her here with him. He couldn't find the words at that time, so he instead began walking as he tried to make sense of the storm inside him. Arria didn't push, seeing he needed time to process his thoughts and the two of them spent over an hour just wandering around the market in silence. At the end of their last lap, Alistair guided them back towards the Gnawed Noble and paused just before it came into view. "You are right. I think I do need to do what is right by me more often, so that's what I'm going to do. But…do you really see all that inside me?"

Arria nodded next to him. "I do, and I look forward to the day it emerges for the rest of the world to see. Just promise me one thing? You'll still listen to me every so often?"

He laughed deeply. "That honey, is one thing you never have to worry about. Out of the two of us, you are the wise one."

She scoffed. "Wise I'm not so sure about. Experienced is maybe a better way to put it."

"Maybe. Thank you, for being here with me. I really don't know where I'd be without you."

Her smile was gentle as she leant in to kiss him. "You're welcome." He closed the last distance between them, but in the time they had been walking she had come to a rather startling realisation of her own. She had always seen those qualities within Alistair, but only now she realised how important they were, and not just to the future of them. It was what Ferelden needed.

He might not know it yet, but he was a born ruler: he was their king-in-waiting. And the day was coming when he would truly be ready to be King. The question that remained was whether he was brave enough to embrace it.

* * *

And so we come to the end of their second chapter in Denerim. I reckon there might be two more here, but it might spin into three before our group moves on again. Please let me know your thoughts and opinions!

Negative Angel


	29. What Might Have Been

Special thanks to **Melysande **and **Kid-X ** for your fantastic reviews to the last chapter, you two are amazing!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 28: What Might Have Been**

As evening approached, Arria had found a feather and a piece of moss upon her pillow in her room. Interpreting the message, she told Alistair she would be back soon, reassuring him that she wasn't leaving the tavern at the raised eyebrow she received. Once she managed to slip out of sight, she opened one of the higher windows and clambered on to the roof, finding a black wolf watching the sunset from the shadows. Arria smiled at her and sat a couple of feet away, joining the witch in viewing the ends of the day. The warm glow of the sun helped to feel her relaxed, and she decided she would drag Alistair up here with her during one these last few days in the city. It was so beautiful and quiet, despite still being in the heart of Denerim and made all her worries so far away. "It is a good place for thought, I can see why you spend so much time up here," said the Warden, turning her gaze to the wolf. "I am guessing you found something in your mother's grimoire for you ask me to join you?"

Morrigan changed back to her human form and came forward so that Arria could see her in the light. "Indeed I did. Is your dim-witted companion aware of your location?"

She sighed, realising that Morrigan was probably never going to stop insulting Alistair so there was no point in asking her to. "Yes, he knows I'm not far."

"While his lack of brain power is a distinct fault, the way in which he protects you is impressive."

Arria raised an eyebrow. "And what does he need to protect me from exactly?"

"It does not take much deduction to realise your memories haunt your days as well as your nights."

As much as Arria wanted to be angry that Morrigan had been spying on her, she had the feeling there was another reason she knew her secret. "How do you know that?"

"Those days in my mother's hut allowed me to see much. From all I saw then, as well as how the two of you interact, it was easy to put the pieces together."

"So you don't know what I dream?"

"I always assumed it was the destruction of your people. Is there something else which you cannot move on from?"

She was relieved that Morrigan didn't know the truth, the witch was not someone she was comfortable with knowing what haunted her. "Yes there is, but it is not something I wish to discuss in the open like this. What was it you discovered?"

Morrigan's interest was piqued at how Arria evaded the question, but did not push for an answer. She instead moved to the matter which had been troubling her since its discovery. "I am sure you are acquainted with the tales of the Witches of the Wilds. It had always intrigued me how in such stories there seemed to be many witches, but in all my years in the Wilds I have never seen another: there has always been only my mother and I. I…I now know why. There have been many witches, but they are _all _Flemeth."

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"When the time is right, Flemeth conceives a daughter and raises her as a witch, just as she has done with me. As her body grows older and more frail, she becomes vulnerable. That is when she…takes over their body, and thus she lives eternally."

Arria paled as she began to comprehend just what it was that Morrigan was telling her. "Are you talking about possession?"

"Possession, obliteration…call it what you will. All I know is that my mother had me for one reason, and one reason alone. To claim my body as hers."

"And…what happens to you?"

Morrigan paused for a few seconds before answering. "I know not, but I would assume that the spirit of the original inhabitant is either displaced or destroyed, and I am sure your people very well know that a spirit without some sort of physical shield cannot last in this realm."

Arria nodded, the knowledge about spirits having been vast back in Nileesa. "So, what are you going to do? Stay on the run?"

The witch scoffed. "You say such things as if my mother is not a skilled witch; she could trace me easily enough."

"And I have the feeling you doubt your own skills of evasion and deception."

Morrigan raised an eyebrow as the sides of her mouth quirked up. "I did not expect such a compliment from you, Warden."

"You have always said I am observant, I am just relaying what it is I that have seen," said Arria with a small smile.

Silence reigned for several seconds as the two women regarded each other. "My mother must die, and you must be the one to do it, Arria."

The Nileesan woman stood in shock and stepped back. "You want _me _to kill Flemeth? What on Thedas makes you think that I can?" she nearly shrieked, terrified at the very idea of facing the maleficar.

"Flemeth always spoke of how the Tamers were the one people she felt were of a skill which could rival her own. I had never understood it until I overheard the young couple from Highever speaking of how you are resistant to Blood magic. It is that skill which could help you withstand my mother, for I am sure it is amongst her arsenal." Morrigan saw the steely glint that Arria's eyes took on at the mention of Blood magic and she stood to look at the other woman hard. "Why do you stay here? Your home was ripped out from under you, and rather than seek to take back the place of your birth, you look for a new home. The result of that was being cursed as a Grey Warden and entering into a conflict you never should have been part of. Why did you run rather than fight?"

Arria felt fury rising up within her that Morrigan would accuse her of being a coward, but she soon realised that to the witch, she had never really entertained the idea of running to fight another day. In the Wilds, it was survival of the fittest, and those who couldn't fight for themselves were just as good as dead. The tiniest amount of fear and shame shone through her eyes as she sharply turned away, not wanting to let Morrigan see her vulnerable. "I was crippled after Merlinne fell: for a long time I hovered between life and death, wishing to die and be with all that I had lost rather than be a remnant of a destroyed people. It wasn't until I stopped to think about what my family and friends would have wanted that I came out of that despair. They would have wanted me to live, but not for revenge. They would have urged me to begin anew, with a new life and a future free from looking over my shoulder. Besides that, I knew all I would achieve in a quest for revenge would be my own death. I would have been committing suicide, so I chose to start again in a land where I could live without fear of being discovered as Nileesan. I had always hoped that someday I could be proud of my heritage again, but as time went on and I slowly realised that I would be one of the last, if not _the _last…"

She wiped away the lone tear which made itself known and faced Morrigan with a defiant stare. "I would have fought if I could have achieved anything, so I decided to honour my people in a different way. If I survived, then so did my race in some small way. I do not expect you to understand, nor even accept, my decision but to be perfectly frank Morrigan, you could not understand how I feel. You haven't stared annihilation in the face and lived to see the aftermath. You don't know what it feels like to be part of a world you shouldn't…" Arria dragged in a deep breath, steadying herself before her glare turned even icier. "I am something you have never met before Morrigan: I am a ghost among the living."

The witch had listened to her words carefully and uncrossed her arms as Arria finished, her eyes showing a new respect for the young, but fearsome, woman before her. "And that is why you can kill Flemeth: you are something which defies fate."

Arria stood in silent contemplation for what felt like endless minutes before she looked at Morrigan again. "When do you need it done?"

Morrigan's smile relayed that she was impressed, but also grateful. "I see no urgency, but sooner rather than later would be my choice."

"Well I am sorry Morrigan, but for now it must be later. I am currently not capable of defeating Flemeth and until I feel I am ready, I will not risk the sake of Ferelden. The Blight is my priority. However…I will not see you be destroyed simply so Flemeth lives forever. If she wants you, she'll have to get through me first."

The witch's smile turned gentle for the first time Arria had ever seen. "Thank you, Arria. Is this what…friends do for each other?"

Arria chuckled. "Yes, it is, though normally the favours other people ask of me are not so extreme."

Morrigan snorted. "The Templar's sense of humour has been rubbing off on you."

The Warden shrugged. "After all the time we have spent together, I'm not surprised. Will you be joining us at some point downstairs, or will you remain up here?"

"Neither, I believe. I think I shall explore the city, see how the people here live: there is only so much I can observe from these heights."

Arria left Morrigan with a nod, her head reeling from their conversation. What had caused her to reveal all of that to the member of their group she trusted the least? Morrigan was the one person of her party whose joining her really not been her choice but more of an obligation. Even after nearly a month in each other's company, there was still very little that they knew of the mysterious witch, but it seemed there was one thing that had truly changed from those early days. Morrigan saw Arria as a powerful force, powerful enough to defeat her mother. Did that mean she would be strong enough to end the Blight? _I guess the future will tell me soon enough. Oh Maker, what have I just agreed to?! _

She resolved to tell Alistair later: he had enough on his mind tonight.

When she returned to the main area of the tavern, she noticed a distinct lack of her group members. The only three she could see were Rod, Wynne and Anders. Sten had not set foot outside of his room since they arrived, so that wasn't a tremendous surprise but the lack of Alistair, Elissa and both the Mabari… "They are off to the market." Arria turned to see Rod smirking and her cheeks flushed slightly as she sat next to him. "You shouldn't worry so much about him, he can look after himself," reassured the knight, his arm coming to settle around her shoulders.

It wouldn't have been so long ago that such contact between the two of them would have frightened her and she smiled at the fact it actually felt comforting rather than frightening. There could be no doubt now that she was moving in the right direction. "I know he can, but I always worry about him when he is out of my sight," she admitted but soon rounded on him with a playful glint to her eyes. "And don't you dare try and tell me you don't think the same about Lissa."

Rod laughed heartily. "Guilty. Still, at least they can look after each other, and Lissa said she wouldn't be dragging him out for long."

"Dare I ask why she did that?"

He shrugged and avoided answering, knowing that he couldn't say anything without giving away he knew exactly why they had vanished. With Arria's birthday being the day after tomorrow, and Elissa having hinted to him that tomorrow night was going to be occupied for all of them for some reason…it left only tonight to go and collect her gifts. Rod and Elissa had been organising something ever since Alistair told them of her birthday and it would be ready this evening at the same time as his gift to her. He had to admit, he was impressed with how much effort the Warden was putting into her present – Rod had to suppress a flush of embarrassment as he thought on how much of a flop his first gift had been to Elissa after they became a couple – and he hoped that Arria would love it as much as they thought she would. It wouldn't surprise him if Zevran and Leliana now also came up with something, and he had the feeling that Elissa might have told Wynne about the significance of the upcoming date. Strangely enough though, it seemed Arria couldn't care less about her birthday. No doubt there was a reason behind it, but that would be a question for the day itself.

Fortunately for Rod, Anders unwittingly came to his rescue at that very moment. "So, Arria…Wynne has been telling me of some of your triumphs on the road, as well as the true events with the Tower, but I'm sure your storytelling far surpasses hers. Besides that, I want to know about the woman behind all the mystery," he said with a wink. Arria giggled in response and began telling him what she deemed was safe to share. Although she was slowly growing comfortable around the gentle mage, it was far too soon to be telling him the truth. Throughout her relaying of her past she couldn't help but glance at the door every so often, wondering where the others had got to. Something was going on and she couldn't figure out what for the life of her. Resolving herself to being left out of the loop for now, she returned her attention to Anders. If it became a concern then she would ask, but for now she was content to try and solve the mystery.

* * *

"Is it to your liking?" asked the young stall holder as Alistair looked over the finished version of the vision he had seen in his head days ago. It was just like he had imagined, and the stunning pale sapphire in the centre was a triumph. It just screamed of Arria and he loved it. Overjoyed to see it having come together so well, he paid the girl the price they had agree while throwing in a little extra because he was so happy with it. It meant they were going to have to work a little harder to manage to earn enough to pay for his new armour, but he didn't care. He now couldn't wait to see her face in just over a day and a half's time.

Elissa joined him again after he'd barely taken three steps from the stall with an excited grin. "Well, how did it turn out?" Alistair beamed as he pulled the box out from where he had just hidden it and showed its contents off to Elissa. She gasped and stared at it for about half a minute before she hugged him tightly. "It's perfect! It's just so…Arria."

Alistair chuckled as he stored the box away for safe keeping. "What about your gift for her?" Elissa smirked and allowed him to see inside the loose paper wrapping, laughing at his whistle of approval. "Nice. To be honest, I think Arria has completely forgotten it is her birthday coming up because she hasn't mentioned it since that day I asked her."

"Maybe, or maybe she just has other things on her mind. It has been a rough couple of weeks."

"Yeah, I suppose it has. So…" He stopped and stared at Elissa curiously. "You have a thing for Arria, do you?"

Elissa blushed and looked away briefly. "I wouldn't go that far. An appreciation of her maybe? She's just so beautiful…and it breaks my heart that she can't see it, or maybe doesn't want to think she is. I get the feeling that in her head, she has the idea that maybe if she isn't desirable, then no-one will want to try and take advantage of her? We know she can handle herself in fight, but against a man with a desire for her and no consideration of her wants…I think just the thought of being attractive petrifies her."

Alistair's shoulders slumped as he followed Elissa's line of thinking. "I never thought about that. No matter how I try, I just can't see things from inside her head."

She smiled sympathetically. "I'm a woman, Alistair, of course I'd be able to see things more from her perspective. In the back of my mind, I've always had the concern that if someone wanted me badly enough, I knew I couldn't resist. That was why I always threw myself into training and learning how to fight instead: female warriors aren't really desirable amongst the nobility." She snorted as she remembered the mixed disappointment and pride on both her parents faces when she was younger and announced she was going to be an archer rather than a lady. It wasn't what they had hoped for, but they had accepted her decision none the less. "They wanted young ladies, and I certainly wasn't that. I didn't really ever think of myself as feminine until after Rod and I got together…For the first time, I really wanted to be desirable to someone. Someone I knew would treat me with respect and care about my wants.

"From what I've gathered, Arria never had that problem. She knew she was stunning and desirable, but she had enough confidence and skill to be able to protect herself from being taken advantage of. Then Howe happened…I think she is so scared of being that helpless again, that she hopes to not catch anyone's eye. Little does she know how wrong she is. Me, you, Zevran…All right two of us only really view her as attractive, we don't have any serious intentions towards her. But for the two of you, it is starting to become a major hurdle, and I want her to see that it is okay to be beautiful, because there is no way you would ever hurt her or let anyone else near her. They'd sooner die by your blade than come within ten feet of her."

Alistair smiled in gratitude, some of his insecurities eased a little. "So…no plans to make a move on her then?"

She smiled coyly. "Nope, but I don't think a bit of gentle flirtation will hurt. Since I now know that Arria is okay with women, I don't feel so worried about her freaking out."

Alistair's eyebrows became airborne. "Sorry, what did you just say?"

Elissa bit her lip, not realising Arria hadn't let that slip yet. "Yeah, she admitted to me the other day she's had an encounter with another woman, but that it didn't get too far. Who knows, maybe someday the two of you might end up experiencing something of a more…exciting nature?" she asked with a wink, laughing at how Alistair blushed. He was so like Rod it was uncanny, but it also made it a lot easier to guide him in the right direction. Arria on the other hand…she was so confused and the rebuilding of her soul had just begun. At this point she probably knew as little about her true self as the rest of them. The only one who would be able to bring her back to life entirely was the man standing before her, and Elissa was determined to see her two closest friends find the happiness they both deserved. "Hey, do me a favour okay? Don't go making any plans for tomorrow night. I need the both of you to be available."

Alistair crossed his arms at her. "Why do I get the feeling you are up to something?"

Elissa smiled sweetly at him and slipped her arm into his elbow as they started walking back towards the tavern. "I have no idea what you are talking about." Alistair rolled his eyes, knowing Elissa wouldn't tell unless she wanted to and it seemed tonight she was determined to be cryptic. When she slowed down momentarily, he was curious at what might have caused it. "I just thought of something. If Duncan hadn't found Arria, or if she hadn't survived the events of her homeland, it could very well have been you and I on this journey together. Strange to think about, isn't it?"

Alistair ground to a halt for a while as he tried to imagine everything that had so far happened with Elissa as his companion rather than Arria. Of course, had Elissa been recruited it was possible that Rod would have joined her, but would all of them made it out of Ostagar? Would _any _of them survived? His head hurt just thinking about the many ways things could have changed. "It certainly is, and no offense meant here Lissa, but I'm glad it's Arria who has to shoulder this burden with me."

A gentle smile returned to her face as they began walking again. "None taken, and for the record I'm glad it's her doing this instead of me. I don't think I could have taken being a Warden in all honesty." Something occurred to her as they made it back to the door and she looked around.

Alistair followed her gaze curiously. "What is it?"

"I'm just wondering where Carou and Hallai got off to. They were sitting here when we left."

Now that he thought about it, Alistair did remember the two dogs in front of the tavern as they headed towards the market. "No idea, despite all the time I've spent around Carou I don't know him as well as Arria and Hallai is your Mabari, I couldn't pretend to know about her."

Her eyebrows raised in interest and she looked towards a nearby alley. "I wonder…" Before Alistair could ask about her thoughts, she vanished inside. He sighed in exasperation, realising she was in one of those moods where everyone else was going to be left guessing.

As he approached a table, recognising Rod's laughter, he was surprised to see his arm around Arria's shoulders and his female companion so relaxed. Her eyes met his briefly and she smiled shyly at him. His eyes shone with pride at the leaps forward in progress she was making and he felt an arm wrap around his. Elissa's eyes sparkled with amusement at seeing her other half with the Nileesan woman. "Don't suppose you would fancy a trade?" asked the male Warden.

Rod sighed dramatically and lifted his arm away, but everyone was surprised when Arria left a short kiss on his cheek and winked at him. "Maybe next time, Rod. If you wouldn't mind Lissa?" she said while rising to her feet and taking her place next to Alistair's side.

"Not at all," giggled Elissa, glad to see Arria confident enough to join in the fun.

The knight pretended to grow impatient when Elissa stayed next to the Wardens. "It isn't a fair trade if I don't get anything back."

Elissa winked at him. "Maybe I'm quite happy here?" she suggested, earning a 'shocked' gasp from Rod.

Arria laughed and entwined her fingers with Alistair's, glad to have him back at her side. "Don't be mean, Lissa: your man has been stuck with me for the past while, I imagine he is eager to have you back."

The younger woman made a put upon sigh and let go of Alistair's arm, whispering to Arria on her way over. "I see why you don't want to let him get too far away, he's a catch and a half." Arria's eyebrows nearly hit the roof while Elissa skipped over to Rod and dragged him away. "See you guys in the morning!" she chirped at them as they slipped out of sight.

Anders and Wynne both bid farewell for the evening, leaving the two Wardens to themselves. "I think that pirate might have been a bad influence on her," suggested Arria as the two of them set off for their room. Alistair hummed in agreement and she noted his lack of words, but waited until they were in the privacy of their room before she called him up on it. Because her back was turned she missed him placing a box in his pack and by the time she turned to face him again, all evidence of her present was gone. "Are you okay?"

He looked at her in confusion. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You're quieter than usual. Is it Goldanna?"

A sigh escaped him as he sat down on the bed. Arria joined him and took a gentle hold of his hand as he looked for the words. "Looking back on it, I don't think that whole meeting could have gone any worse, though I don't know what I could have done differently. What do you think?"

"I think it was always going to end badly, if I'm honest. I hoped I was wrong when my instincts said it wasn't going to go as you hoped, but I didn't want to mention it to you at the time."

"I just- she's my sister. And I almost wish…I wish I hadn't met her now. The reality really wasn't worth it."

She rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Alistair." The sadness was practically rolling off him in waves. He had pinned a lot of hope on that moment and it had all come crashing down, leaving him confused and doubting himself. "There is one upside to all this." He barely turned to look at her. "I'll have a smile worthy of splitting my face when she sees just how wrong she was about you. Once we defeat the Archdemon and word gets around how you were pivotal in that, she'll be probably begging for forgiveness." _Okay, so maybe she won't but Alistair doesn't need to know that. _A slight smile broke through and she leant forward a bit more. "Could you try and make it bigger? It always makes me feel lighter when I see you smile."

He obliged and wrapped an arm around her, kissing the top of her head. "I'll try and bear that in mind," he chuckled, enjoying how it almost seemed second nature for them to be this close now. "Actually, that wasn't all I was thinking about. Lissa mentioned something that while it is kind of making my head hurt, it has got me very curious about what might have been." Arria pulled back to look at him, sensing that it was something which meant a great deal. "She mentioned how that if it wasn't you here with me…it might have been her at my side."

Arria sat mildly stunned as it sank in. "By all rights, it should have been. Somehow I survived what happened in Merlinne, and to this day I still don't know how or why, but if Duncan had not discovered me right then, he would have been there when Castle Cousland was attacked. Elissa and Rod probably would have both joined the Wardens instead, and it would be the three of you taking on the Blight."

"Actually…I don't think so." She looked at him confused. "Arri, have you ever wondered why there are so few Wardens when there are so many great and worthy warriors out there? It is because we can sense when someone will definitely not survive the Taint. There is no way to tell they will surely live through the Joining, that is why it is kept secret, but we can sometimes tell the reverse. Had Rod taken the Joining…I am almost certain he wouldn't have made it."

"Why can't I do that?" she asked with a small edge of panic to her voice, wondering if maybe they might have condemned Anders to that fate with inviting him to the Wardens.

"I've been a Warden a lot longer than you, Arria, I first started sensing it at around three months. And don't worry, I didn't get any warning off Anders, he's got the exact same chance as you had."

Her anxiety retreated slightly and she slumped. "That would have broken Lissa's heart. I guess maybe it is for the best things have gone the way they have."

He raised his hand to caress her face. "And besides that, if it was Elissa with me then I wouldn't have had you, and as much as she is a good friend, she can't compare to you."

Arria smiled at him and sighed in pleasure when their lips met, their kiss starting out gentle but slowly becoming something more. As the heat began to grow between them Arria pulled back, looking at him shyly. His smile melted her heart and she tried to push away the slight fear niggling at the back of her mind, allowing her miniscule excitement to come to the front instead. Both knew they couldn't do anything upon the bed without triggering an adverse reaction so they stood, Alistair shedding his armour while Arria noticed a note laying upon her pillow. She opened it and smiled upon reading the elven scripture. It was Zevran letting her know that he and Leliana had discovered Marjolaine was indeed in the city, but they were going to try to find her exact location before returning. They had not encountered any more of Marjolaine's men but were consciously aware that she may not be in Denerim simply to eliminate Leliana: if she had heard about the price on the Wardens' heads, they she may be after them too. A small laugh escaped her as he urged her to rest, and failing that, spend the night enjoying Alistair's company. Reading further she blushed as she realised he had written the rest in the common tongue so that Alistair himself could read it and maybe take him up on some of his suggestions.

Alistair spied the red which had crept up on her cheeks and he looked at her curiously. "You okay, Arri?" He saw the note in her hands and wondered whether it might be from Elissa: he wouldn't put anything past the youngest member of their group after the past couple of days.

Arria looked up and bit her lip, wondering if she should show him. "Uh-huh, it's just Zevran letting me know how he and Leliana are getting on. They are staying away just in case Marjolaine isn't here only for Leli."

He shook his head. "Marjolaine is Orlesian, Loghain wouldn't hire in Orlesian assassins because as much as he wants us dead, he would rather see them destroyed first."

"Maybe he didn't hire them. I'm sure that word will have spread around that the Crows failed to kill us and while they know we were at Lothering when it fell, there is a good chance they don't believe that we died there. She might have discovered it on her own."

"Hmmm. So what is it that had caused the blood to rush to your cheeks? Not that I don't think it is incredibly cute by the way." She smirked and tossed the paper at him, curious as to what his reaction would be. He barely glanced at it before he gave her a sceptical look. "It's written in elven, Arri. I can't read it."

"The bit at the bottom isn't."

With a raised eyebrow he found the bit he could understand and once he was barely halfway he scrunched the paper up, his face flaming. Arria snickered and tried to bite back her laughter at his mini glare. "You asked and I wasn't very well going to repeat what he said out loud."

Alistair sighed and tossed the bit of paper by his pack, not that Arria knew that was where he aimed it. He decided he might read it later when she wasn't nearby, for as much as the elf knew how to embarrass him, he also knew how to be with a woman, something Alistair was painfully inexperienced with. When the colour left their faces, Arria saw in his eyes that he wanted to be close to her. She was still nervous around him when he looked her like that, but she was slowly growing to love his touch rather than just endure it. As time went on, the fear was ever so slightly being replaced by excitement and want: somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if they were moving too fast but ever since that moment she thought she had lost him, she refused to let hesitancy hold them back. She knew a moment was coming when something went wrong, it was inevitable, but every time they pushed the boundaries she could feel their confidence in themselves growing. There was still apprehension in his gaze, that ever present fear that he might trigger a memory, but she was willing to take the risk. The want for them to grow closer overriding her worry of what might be the consequences.

They stepped closer again and Alistair pulled her near, sighing in pleasure as he wrapped his arms around her and she responded by holding onto him. A smile crept onto her face at the feel of his warm chest against her bare skin, humming in happiness when his finger began to lightly brush against her waist. His touch left her skin burning in a way she had never known and she began to feel a small heat in the centre of her being. She knew very well what it was, but she couldn't let herself surrender to it yet, wanting to get used to this new level of intimacy first. Alistair leant into her touch when her hands left the back of his neck and drifted around to his collarbone, ghosting over the raised areas. When her fingers began tracing his muscles he bit back a groan, not wanting to scare her with how much her small gestures were doing to him. His eyes slid shut as her palms began brushing over his skin and her lips found their way to his neck, leaving a trail as she found her way back to his jaw. Feeling his control slipping he turned so their lips connected, knowing that she could send him over the edge very easily. As breath became a necessity he pulled away and rested their foreheads together, using the precious little time to try and bring himself back under control. His eyes met hers and she saw he wanted to ask something. "Arria, will you let me just look at you? As you are, nothing else. I want to see you."

Sensing he had nothing but true intentions, she nodded. The two knelt on their makeshift bed on the floor as Alistair's eyes took in her form like they never had. While he had watched her often, he had never truly seen her like he did now. Now that he was looking for it, he could see the differences in her because of her mixed blood: her body was proportioned like an elf, but her height and curviness gave away the human she contained. Even in her very thin state her body didn't look unhealthy since she still wasn't too thin for an elf, but her health had improved significantly since they had met one month ago and she was slowly putting back on the weight she had lost. His hands moved to her arms and he took in the softness of her skin, something he had never thought possible for a human. They soon left to her stomach, tracing the various marks which told the story of her life. She felt him involuntarily shiver as he ghosted over her largest scar from yesterday, and gently placed her hand on top of his, causing his eyes to meet her own. He was amazed at the trust she relayed through her gaze and she smiled tentatively, willing him to see that she wasn't afraid. A hand came to trace her face and she leant into it, closing her eyes as she felt him stroke her cheek. Her face was the only place he couldn't see a difference: she appeared completely human as he understood most elven-human crosses did. She gasped as he suddenly kissed her with a force she hadn't expected and surrendered to him as his tongue invaded her mouth. The intensity caught her off guard but he soon let her go and pulled away to look at her again.

The two of them moved onto their sides and lost themselves as their lips met time and again, slowly losing sense of where one ended and the other began. Hands didn't stay idle for long: Arria's began to massage Alistair's chest while his settled on her waist, stroking the sensitive flesh with a tenderness she never thought a man could show. Her body instinctively stiffened as he drifted higher, but he waited to see how she would respond and both were pleasantly surprised at how quickly she relaxed again. The feel of him so close to such a vulnerable area of her body caused a small shudder to rip through her, but when he began to move away she shook her head and placed her hands on top of his. "I don't want to be afraid," she whispered brokenly into the rapidly approaching darkness, not wanting him to keep stopping for fear of the memories he might stir. She nuzzled his cheek briefly and held his eyes as she spoke her heart, willing him to hear the truth in her words. "I want to feel you, for your touch to be the one I remember as I bury the memories forever."

The vulnerability in her eyes made his heart break slightly and he kissed her tenderly, brushing away a single tear as it escaped her. After she took a deep breath for courage, his hand slowly moved over her breast, being careful not to agitate any of her scars with the fabric. His touch was so gentle that she felt ashamed of the fear it still created in her. When her mind drifted back to times of harsher hands upon her she forced the memories back violently, but not before a shudder racked her body. He realised it was too much and moved his hands to her back instead, feeling as well as hearing her frustrated expelling of air. As much as he wanted her, he didn't want her to hurt herself emotionally and mentally by pushing things beyond her limits, because past experience had shown him that she would. His hands began rubbing along her back soothingly as he felt a few of her tears, what they were from he couldn't tell but he was going to find out. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck as she felt him slip under her sash briefly and stroke the bare skin of her back. A gasp left her in surprised at the move but it wasn't long before the tension left her body and she began leaning back into the touch, hoping he wouldn't stop. It was Alistair who knew they had reached their limit for the night and he pulled away with a soft kiss first to her lips, and then another to her forehead.

Arria opened her eyes and almost wanted to break away from his gaze as it pierced right down to her soul but she couldn't do it, knowing he deserved to know her thoughts. He waited patiently as she warred within herself to reveal what it was that was eating away at her and when he saw the tears make their way to her eyes again he knew whatever she was going to say was going to hurt. "It isn't fair," she with a voice so heavy with sadness his heart ached. "You are so gentle with me, but I can't forget. I can't stop myself from going back to what happened, even though you don't remind me of them at all. Why? Why can't I let it go?!"

His arms brought her in close and she clung on for dear life as she cried her heart out. It hurt him to see how broken she still was, but this was going to be far from the last time intimacy was going to provide challenges for them. "You deserve so much better than me…" he heard her say into his chest and he kissed her so hard she almost lost track of her thoughts all together. In it she could feel just how worried he was for her but could also sense his promise.

Knowing she would have got the message but feeling it needed saying anyway, he held her eyes and wouldn't let her look away. "Don't you dare, Arria. You are everything I need and I couldn't possibly feel this way about anyone else. When we first got together I realised that I cared for you more than I ever thought possible, and it frightened me. It wasn't long before I realised that it was so much deeper than just caring, and think about it honey: this was after you had told me the truth. Don't you see? What happened to you and seeing how you overcame makes me love you so much more. Please don't say things like that, because I want you to see that you really are worthy of being loved."

His declaration left her speechless and she settled deeper into his hold, soaking in the feeling of being protected against the darkness. While she wanted to believe she could look after herself, there were some things she needed Alistair to help her fight. The memories of those months at Howe's hands were something she just couldn't face alone and as much as she wanted to spare him the knowledge of what she truly went through, in her heart she realised it was a necessary evil. What he had so far heard was just the barest amount, and some of the worst made her stomach turn just remembering the faintest part of it. "Thank you," she murmured into his chest before she turned over, allowing him to spoon up behind her. Tonight she needed to feel him this close to hopefully keep the nightmares away.

It wasn't just him carrying the truth which had her the most worried: she was sure once he found out what really happened, there wouldn't be a force on Thedas that would stop him from seeking Howe out and tearing him limb from limb. She would never forgive herself if he killed Howe in a fit of rage and later lived to regret it. He deserved to keep his innocence as long as he could.

* * *

It was early morning when the two Wardens surfaced and began training much as they had the day before, but both went at it harder with their feelings of the previous night still close to the surface. Alistair was slowly becoming faster and more precise with his strikes, but he was still yet to get near Arria or catch her truly off-guard. Internally Arria was impressed at how fast he was adapting to the new style and was slowly raising her own level to match his. It wouldn't be long before she would have to truly be careful or he would catch her. By the time eight o'clock arrived the two tired, but much less emotionally confused, people went off to clean up.

Arria was just rubbing her hair dry after a short bath using a spare piece of fabric when a knock came at her door. Expecting it to be Alistair she called them in, surprised when it was none other than Zevran. Glad to see the elf she hugged him briefly and scanned him for any injuries. "What did you find out?" she asked, anxious to know how things had gone for him and Leliana.

"Marjolaine is staying in a house just outside the Market District with roughly a dozen of her own men. It seems we have already crippled them after their failed ambush the other day. She is currently in said residence and seems to be waiting for Leliana to come to her, much as our lovely Bard expected of her mentor. Among those who remain in her group there are two mages which should not pose too much of a problem if we take the right companions, but Leliana says the true threat is Marjolaine herself. She will be here in but a few minutes to tell you more."

She nodded as she took all of this in. "Did you find out if she is hunting for Alistair and I?"

"She is aware of the Crows failing to kill you and was informed of your companions on that day. Of course, Leliana was among them, so that was how she discovered her location."

"Marjolaine has known about us for that long? Why wait until Denerim to make a move?"

"In the city, you can blend into the populace. What better time to strike than when you expect to be safe?"

She had to hum in agreement, their only concern having been when they arrived in the city as to whether Loghain would discover them. They certainly hadn't been expecting Marjolaine. "And when are we setting off to find her?"

"There is no 'we' about it." Both Arria and Zevran turned to the door to see Alistair standing in the door with his arms crossed and a hard look on his face.

"Ah, Warden, good to see you. Enjoy your time with our lovely Dancer?" teased the elf, suddenly wondering if things had moved in the wrong direction when Arria stiffened slightly and Alistair's eyes shadowed.

"It was needed, that is for sure. Zevran, can you leave us? I need a word with Arria." Sensing this was something he could not be involved in, he nodded in acceptance and left the two of them to it.

Arria stood and watched him as he strode into the room and closed the door behind him. "How much did you hear of that?"

"Almost everything, which is why you aren't going."

"You are kidding me, right?"

"Arria, in case you don't remember you were almost killed two days ago by these very men we are about to face. There is no way I'm letting you anywhere near them."

Her anger rose slightly in response and she stared at him hard. "I thought this morning and the previous one made it very clear to you that I'm the superior fighter out of the two of us. Like hell am I staying behind; besides that, I'm a Dancer. My skills mean that I am more capable than anyone to fight a Bard like Marjolaine. All of you could be left completely vulnerable by her."

"I think you underestimate how capable we are."

"And I think you don't realise that there is no argument here: I am going, end of."

"No, you're not."

The two stared at each other fiercely, neither willing to back down for what felt like minutes on end. Arria was severely tempted to storm out past Alistair and leave with Leliana right then and there but she knew the grief she would get later wasn't worth it. A sigh left her as she realised he was only doing this because of how close he had come to losing her the other day and was unwilling to put her in harm's way again if he could avoid it.

As her anger retreated, she saw a potential solution. "Okay Alistair, I'll make you a deal. We'll go to Leliana and ask more about Marjolaine's skills. There is only one move that she could have that I am worried about. If Leli think she does possess it or there is even the smallest chance she could, then I am going, no arguments. Should Leliana say she is confident that that danger should not arise, I will respect your wishes and stay behind." She could see he was unwilling to agree. "Alistair, I am a Dancer. I am immune to certain Bard skills that can cripple others and if she really does know this, then there is a very good chance that you are all going to your deaths. Would you really stay behind if we were about face a horde of mages since your Templar skills would be what swung a near suicidal situation back into our favour?"

His posture slumped as he realised she had a very good point, but he still wasn't happy about it. As his hand skimmed over her scar from the other day he didn't bother masking his concern as their eyes met. "Okay, we'll go ask Leliana, but I want you to promise me you'll be careful. You've already had one near miss too many because of them."

She kissed him lightly just before she went looking for her armour. "I promise."

Alistair was slightly horrified when Arria's prediction had been correct. When they asked Leliana about Marjolaine's skills and Arria asked about something called the 'Paralysis Verse', it turned out Leliana could not assure them that her former mentor did not possess it. As much as he wanted to force her to remain behind, he had promised her to honour their agreement based on Leliana's answer. She reassured him that things were going to be okay, but he really was not convinced and his instincts were screaming at him that this could go horribly wrong. When they were picking companions, they realised they needed a mage with them and they all agreed upon Anders. He had told them of his various skills and despite being a very capable healer, he was also a competent battle mage. His dual sets of skills would probably be invaluable for this fight.

Swallowing his pride, Alistair had gone to Zevran and asked the elf to keep Arria close by, not convinced he could protect her by himself. Zevran had been surprised and chuckled lightly when the Warden finished. "I think you should not doubt our beautiful Dancer so much, but I can understand your concern. While I believe you could protect her should the need arise, rest assured I will be there to shield her should you fail to."

Alistair expressed his gratitude and watched Arria closely as their group readied to depart. This fight was going to be one of the most perilous they had faced so far and her words from earlier haunted him. If she was right, then she could very well end up facing Marjolaine solo and he could be powerless to help her. They needed to make sure that didn't happen, because she really was running out of lives fast. She couldn't outrun Death forever, and he had the feeling the next time she had a brush with it, she may not be able to escape its clutches.

* * *

I honestly did intend to include the Marjolaine fight in this chapter, but it kinda spiralled out and I think 10k+ words is too much for a chapter (yes the fight would push it to that) so I'm making that my opening scene for next time. Denerim will last a couple more chapters, but the next chapter is one I've been really looking forward to for ages!

As always, please leave your thoughts with me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can, I love hearing from my readers because it is all of you I have to impress. Till the next instalment.

Negative Angel


	30. The Dancer's Gift

So, just over five months in and I hit 200k words. What. The. Hell?! I've never written this much in my life! Thank you all so much for staying on this journey with me and I hope you are enjoying it just as much as I am writing it! Special thanks to **Melysande, Eve Hawke, WhitewaterWolves** and my Guest reviewer for leaving me with your thoughts. I would love to know who you were so I could pass on my thanks! Now for a chapter I have been really looking forward to writing.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

Enjoy everyone!

* * *

**Chapter 29: The Dancer's Gift**

Arria watched Leliana with interest as they approached Marjolaine's hideout. The normally cheery Bard hadn't said a word since they left the Gnawed Noble but her silence spoke more of her emotional state than any words could. Arria knew she couldn't possibly do what Leliana was about to, nor could she empathise with the turmoil her heart must be in. This was someone she once, and quite possibly still, loved, and there was only going to be one set of survivors from this encounter. Either Marjolaine died or Leliana did, and there was no way she was going to let their friend fall now, not after all she had done to rebuild her life following her mentor's betrayal. She could almost feel the confusion roll off her as the reality of their situation sank in and she wanted nothing more than to hug the other woman. _If only there could be a less painful resolution…_she thought sadly as their destination drew closer, hoping Leliana was braced for what was about to come. Her gaze shifted behind her and her eyes met Alistair's before she even started looking for him, his own set reflecting her own thoughts. There was no way they could do what was about to come: they could never fight each other with the intention to kill, but then again there was no way they would ever come to be in such a situation as this. She broke away from his eyes just as they reached the door, all five of them prepared for a fight.

Leliana hesitated slightly as she was about to kick the door open, the first time she had outwardly betrayed her confusion. She brought her leg back down just as Arria approached and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Leliana faced the other woman with her mask in place, but Arria's steady gaze caused her to drop it and let her friend see her inner turmoil. "I can't even guess what you are feeling now, Leli, but this will happen only when you are ready," assured the Warden.

The Bard shook her head. "I am ready, I need to do this now, before she causes anymore harm," she stated, attempting a small smile at her friend. Her voice dropped so that only Arria could hear. "After all you have been through and overcome, this pales in comparison. If you can forge your own future with only your strength, then surely I can do the same. Marjolaine is part of my past now, but she is a past that needs to buried so that no-one may suffer by her hands. I thank you for helping me through this, and I pray when the times comes, you will allow me to remain by your side when you slay Arl Howe."

Arria's eyes widened: she hadn't told Leliana about her captivity in detail, but the look in her eyes showed that she knew the truth. The Nileesan woman looked to Zevran briefly and he nodded at her. It seemed he had felt the need to tell her story to give Leliana the courage to face Marjolaine. She wasn't angered by his actions for she would have told Leliana during their days in the city anyway, but the fact that he felt her experiences were something which could inspire others gave her a small sense of pride. She smiled at him softly before facing Leliana again. "Gladly, now let's go earn you your freedom. Are you sure this is the time?"

Leliana nodded to her. "Let us end this."

Everyone drew their weapons as Zevran and Alistair led with Leliana, Arria and Anders right behind them. In the first room their targets were caught unawares and were brought down by Leliana's arrows and Anders' magic before the other three even managed to get close. Three men down, several more to go. The next room provided a sterner challenge as four archers were ready for them, having heard the ruckus in the other room and Alistair led with his shield; Leliana and Anders firing from over his shoulder while staying behind him as Zevran and Arria leapt towards cover at the sides of the room. Once two of them were downed the assassin and the Dancer broke free and slew the final two, clearing the room. The pair listened at the next door and heard a few more people inside, as well as a female voice with a distinct Orlesian accent. Arria nodded to the rest, letting them know this was where they truly needed to be on their guard. Leliana's eyes hardened and she came to stand before the door, knocking on it with a very distinctive pattern. A shout from inside beckoned them in and they entered, but Alistair came to stand in front of Arria: while he thought he was protecting her, she was using him to conceal herself. If Marjolaine knew a Dancer was a part of their group, she would waste no time in ordering all those around her in attacking.

The door slammed behind them as soon as they were inside and the group surveyed what was around them: two archers, two mages, three rogues and Marjolaine were inside. Leliana froze marginally at coming face-to-face with the woman who had ripped her old life apart but relaxed again as she felt her group close by. With their help, she would soon be free. "Ah, my dear Leliana, it has been far too long," purred the silken voice of her one time lover. "I am glad you have come to me, but I did not expect to find you with company."

"Your men were sloppy, Marjolaine, they never came close to defeating my companions," responded Leliana, keeping a careful eye on the men who surrounded them.

"Yes…its seems I underestimated the company you are keeping my darling Leliana. Although, if Grey Wardens are anything like the legends, I should have expected this." Marjolaine's eyes darted to Alistair and Arria, narrowing at the woman and leading Alistair to place a protective arm in front of her. While Arria would normally be mildly annoyed, she could completely understand his protectiveness in this situation. Marjolaine snorted at the pair. "Had I not spent so long observing your group, I might have suspected her of being your new choice. She is very beautiful and powerful."

Realising that if Marjolaine knew about the Nileesan people she would have already known about her identity, Arria stepped forward out of Alistair's protection and came to stand next to Leliana. "That doesn't matter, you aren't touching her," declared the female Warden, flashing her blades at the other woman.

Marjolaine raised a delicate eyebrow and stepped away slightly. "I should have known you would pick wisely. After all, this is what you have wanted all along, is it not? Ever since you came to Ferelden and holed yourself up in that Chantry, you have been plotting your revenge. Is it any coincidence that the time you resurface is when Grey Wardens cross your path?"

Leliana gasped, the truth finally clicking. The reason Marjolaine was here was because she thought Leliana would be plotting her own revenge for past events and she intended to eliminate her first. "Marjolaine, I stayed in the Chantry because I found my calling, not to hide from you."

The Orlesian woman laughed maniacally. "Oh you are too much Leliana! You, a born and bred killer finds solace in the Maker? That is hilarious!"

"It is the truth! After all that happened I wished for a life of peace, and that is what the Chantry gave me. I chose to join the Wardens because the Maker showed me a vision of a world where they fail, and I will help them for as long as life permits me."

Marjolaine turned away from them and began fingering a bow behind her. "I had this made for you…I intended to offer you a way back home, but I see now that you have no such intention of returning to my side. Your precious Wardens hold your heart now." She flashed a cruel glare back at her former pupil. "You have information that could end me Leliana, and I intend to see that you never use that."

"Despite what you may think, Marjolaine, I never intended to use it. That part of my life is over now and I see no point in stirring up old wounds."

Marjolaine's gaze returned to the bow in front of her and skimmed over the engraving. "I am sorry it has come to this Leliana, but I cannot allow you to live." Both Leliana and Arria gasped as they felt Marjolaine's Song arise with such force that it nearly sent their heads spinning just before a shockwave burst forth, knocking all of their group off their feet. Before they could get back to their feet, Marjolaine's voice rang through the air and their limbs seized up, locking them in place. Several of them cried out as Leliana just managed to raise her head and look at her former mentor. "Tis a shame, I would have welcomed you back into my arms and bed, but sadly it is not to be." Marjolaine sang again to stop them from breaking free of the hold and signalled her men to prepare to attack. She paused long enough to say her goodbyes. "Farewell, Leliana. Such an anti-climax," she sneered as the archers prepared to fire and the rogues readied their blades.

"You aren't touching her!" The anger filled cry drowned out her song for a few seconds and Marjolaine gasped as Arria ran at her, daggers ready to pierce her heart. Before she got too close she used her Spirit magic to knock the archers and mages back so they could not attack her vulnerable companions while she forced Marjolaine into parrying her blow, breaking her song. As the others tried to regain their strength quickly, Marjolaine threw Arria back and attempted to throw a dagger at her, but the Warden parried it away and ran in again, forcing the Orlesian woman into a deadlock. "You've got to go through me first, " she hissed, head-butting her on the forehead to force her back.

Marjolaine gripped her head as she spat out her next words. "Impossible, of all the creatures of this world to find, it had to be a Dancer. Kill the bitch and her companions, but Leliana is mine!"

Arria missed her as she swung and kicked, but had to drop into the splits as a mage's spell hurtled towards her. Realising her chance was gone, she tumbled back and took on two of the rogues as the rest of her companions entered the fray, finally recovered to the point they could fight. Anders and Leliana attempted to keep the mages distracted as Zevran engaged the archers and Alistair came to Arria's aid. The two Wardens duelled the rogues and managed to kill one before Arria realised that Marjolaine was building for another Paralysis Verse. She tumbled out from the flurry, trusting Alistair to be able to keep himself safe as she launched herself at the Bard and broke the Verse before it could be completed. Zevran killed the last of the archers with deadly precision and helped Arria with Marjolaine, the older woman beginning to gain the upper hand on the Dancer. Both women were equal in terms of skills and manoeuvrability, but Marjolaine's superior power meant that Arria was tiring quickly, even with her Song at full power.

Anders and Leliana were keeping the mages occupied enough that the rest of their companions were able to concentrate completely on their other fights. Zevran and Arria could not tip the battle against Marjolaine in their favour, but they were at least able to match her. Alistair finally managed to wrong foot one of the rogues using what Arria had taught him and squirmed out of danger as they both struck simultaneously, kicking in such a way as one crashed to the ground and was unable to defend himself as Alistair's blade found his chest. One of the adversary mages switched targets and went for Leliana, leaving Anders with no choice but to haul her to the ground as twin spells shot over their heads and exploded just behind them. Free to pick their targets, one kept his attention on them but one turned his gaze inward, settling on the one member of Arria's party who didn't have a hope of dodging.

Arria tumbled away from the duel with Marjolaine long enough to check on her companions, her breath catching as she saw one of the mages building a lightning strike which would surely kill anything it hit. Leliana and Anders were just regaining their feet and Zevran was just managing to keep himself even with Marjolaine, but Alistair was caught in a deadlock with the last rogue. When he had attacked the male Warden his blades had become lodged in his shield and neither man could break free. Her heart stopped as she realised where the mage was aiming and threw herself in the firing line in a desperate attempt to shield the man she loved. "_Alistair!" _He turned his gaze to the mage just in time to see the attack being let loose but Arria's body obscured the view as she launched herself in the way. She sliced the leather straps which held his shield to his arm so that it was no longer attached and held onto him tight as she used her momentum to Fade Shift, praying she judged it right. The lightning hurtled towards them and Arria shrieked as it struck her back, not having Shifted far enough and heard Alistair's cry as the electricity travelled from her into him. Pushing them further and holding on to Alistair as tight as she could so that he wouldn't be hit any worse, they Shifted to the point where they were no longer part of the physical world. Because Alistair was no longer attached to his shield, the mage's attack hit his comrade and the full force killed him instantly.

Both Wardens crumpled to the ground as Anders launched a fireball at the mage, who was completely stunned at how the pair could have survived and thus did not see the attack coming. He was incinerated, allowing Anders and Leliana both to target the final mage, who could not evade two aggressors. That left only Marjolaine, who knocked Zevran unconscious just at Anders and Leliana turned their attention to her. She was about to strike a killing blow as Leliana's arrows flew towards her, striking the other woman in the arm and causing her to screech in pain. With only one usable arm, she stared down to two people still standing defiantly, daring them to strike again. "Marjolaine, it is over," stated Leliana, hoping Marjolaine could simply let go at long last.

When the other woman began to build her Song again, Leliana had her answer. With a heavy heart, she sped forwards and picked up Zevran's daggers to duel her, swiftly gaining the upper hand due to Marjolaine's injury and buried both weapons in her former lover's chest. The other woman's eyes widened and looked at Leliana in pure shock as the Bard whispered to her one last time. "Find peace Marjolaine, find peace with the Maker." Her last life soon slipped away from her body and she dropped to the floor dead, her blood pooling around Leliana's feet and dripping off her hands.

Leliana stared at the body for a long time, a deep sadness growing in her heart, but the relief that came with it assured her that she had made the correct choice. She was now free, free to help the Wardens on their quest to defeat the Archdemon. Thoughts of Alistair and Arria caused her to gasp and she ran over to them as Anders saw to Zevran, healing him of his minor injury. Alistair had just managed to push himself onto his elbows and look at Arria as she whimpered quietly, the aftereffects of the lightning still running through them. He knew there was no way that lightning could have killed the rogue with such ease, yet leave them alive; except he had felt the change in his body. When Arria had thrown herself between him and the fatal attack, he thought that had been it for both of them but she had one trick he had completely forgotten about, her Fade Shifting. He hadn't thought it could pass between people, but evidently it could and she had managed to save them, but looking at her now he couldn't be sure that move hadn't come at a terrible price. "Arria, what did you..?" he asked breathlessly, wincing at how much even talking hurt.

She spluttered in laughter but curled in on herself at the pain which ripped through her as a result. "Guess I wasn't the one who needed protecting after all," she wheezed out before moaning in agony. Alistair yelped as he shifted his arm and took a hold of her hand as she grit her teeth.

Leliana came to settle next to them and was horrified at the state they were in. Many of Alistair's leg muscles were in spasm and she doubted he would be able to walk while Arria was struggling to breathe. Both were burned, but Alistair's on his neck were superficial whereas Arria's on her back were severe from where it had struck her. She thought it was a miracle they had survived such an attack. "What happened?" she asked with concern, laying her hand over their linked ones to let them know she was there.

Arria gasped for breath a few times before she could answer fully. "Fade Shift…I didn't quite…push it far enough, the first time. Managed to…correct it but…not before we'd been hit…"

His grip on her tightened. "Why Arri? You could have been killed if it didn't work," he asked.

Her eyes shone with tears, not only just the pain but also from the scare. "I couldn't let you die…Alistair…I just…I'd sooner die myself than…see you hurt…"

"Oh Arria…" He choked back a scream as he tried to move and his body refused to co-operate.

Anders arrived a few seconds later and began healing them. "Oh man, you two got hit bad. How the hell did you do that? It was like the lightning passed through you, but killed the poor fool it hit instead."

Both Wardens shared a long look, realising Anders deserved to know the truth. "We'll tell you when we get back," said Arria, able to breathe better now that Anders' magic was taking effect. Their grip on each other's hands slackened slightly as the pain eased but they never let go, needing to feel they were both still there.

Alistair was fixed quickly but Anders slumped in exhaustion before he could finish with the burns on Arria's back. "I think I'll need Wynne's help to tackle that, I can't do enough on my own and she is a much more skilled healer than I am. We need to fix it soon though, or else it might get infected."

Arria nodded and was helped back to her feet by the now conscious Zevran while Anders swung Alistair's arm over his shoulders and held him up as he waited for a bit more of his strength to recover. "Don't suppose Wade would be willing to make me a new shield as well?" asked Alistair while looking at his now ruined one: blades were still lodged in it and it was scorched black from the lightning.

"Guess we can ask him later," said Arria just before her legs buckled.

Zevran chuckled and held her waist with his right arm while keeping a firm grip on her other arm around his shoulders. "You still do not know your own limitations, my Dancer."

"Limits are made to be broken, Zev. I'm not going to let barriers slow me down anymore." Alistair's eyes met her own and he realised she wasn't just meaning her skills, she meant them as well. It seemed as if she was ready to take another step, just in time for tonight. Elissa still had not told them of her plan, but it was clear she would not let them get out of it, least of all Alistair and Arria. Leliana's eyes reflected her conflicting emotions and Arria switched her gaze to the lost woman. "Leli?" Her eyes raised to meet Arria's curious glance. "How do you feel?"

The Bard sighed, looking at Marjolaine for one last time. "I can create my own path now, the shadows of the past need not hold me back any longer. I just-" Cutting herself off sharply, she turned and fled from the room into the city. Nobody was surprised, Leliana was going to need time to see how she truly felt about everything.

It was another fifteen minutes before Alistair felt up to walking, but he didn't stop there. He took Arria and lifted her into his arms, her legs still not able to take her weight, let alone the fact that any movement was causing pain to rip up her back. She blushed at the treatment but settled into his hold, appreciating the feel of him being so nearby. Not that she wasn't going to voice her objections. "Why are you carrying me?"

"Because I can, and you can't walk. Someone to support you is just going to cause more agony for you. Anders, can you grab that bow? I think Leliana might want it." The mage nodded and retrieved it just as they left. Zevran and Anders led the way back as Alistair held Arria tightly, more so than he needed to but she was clinging on quite hard too. That had been far too close and they both knew it. The night was going to be a new challenge for them: Arria had made her opinion quite clear and Alistair was willing to try, but he had the feeling this might be too soon. He was going to have to think long and hard over the day to figure out what would not scare her.

* * *

As early afternoon settled upon them, things were as close to normal as was possible. Arria had been healed by both Wynne and Anders, but her energy was drained and she needed a couple of hours sleep to regain it; when Elissa insisted she sleep, saying she would need the stamina for tonight it had earned more than one raised eyebrow, but when she was questioned she ignored them all. Instead, she dragged Alistair off to see Wade so that he could have measurements done for his new armour, and now shield which Wade had thrown in for only one sovereign more. While Alistair wanted to stay close to Arria, she had urged him to go, saying she would use the time to tell Anders the truth.

The mage had been surprised at her Nileesan identity, but she had not been expecting his reaction. "You're Nileesan? Wow, that's pretty neat. So is it true you guys can tame dragons?" She had burst out laughing at his enthusiasm with regards to her heritage and they spent over an hour talking. His excitement and curiosity made her feel incredibly at ease and by the time he had left, satisfied with all she had told him, she wondered whether it was so critical to keep the secret as time went on. It seemed the people of Ferelden were more intrigued than anything, and it would be good to test the waters and see whether she was right in her growing suspicion. Now she just had to pick a time, place and/or person to test it on.

A knock on her door had her sitting up from the makeshift bed on the floor, her full strength nearly restored. "Yes?" A smile came to her face as Elissa wandered in, but the almost timid look on her face gave her pause. "Lissa, what is it?"

"Um, Arria…do you mind if I sit down?" Sensing there was something important she needed to say, Arria sat up fully and faced Elissa as she sat down cross legged on the blankets, keeping her eyes away from Arria's own. "Okay, best get this over with and see if you still want me in here."

"Over with? Lissa what's…?"

Elissa sighed and blushed slightly as she looked at Arria, heightening the older woman's curiosity even more. "You know how I had that…thing, with Isabela and Rod? Well, afterwards, I told Isabela about you. She said that she might like to meet you before we leave here, but from the way I spoke about you, she realised something else. She saw that…I liked you." Arria's eyes widened in surprise, but the fact that she didn't shift away gave Elissa a small measure of relief. "It's nothing more than an attraction, but I've never really had the confidence to tell you. I've thought you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen since we met; I thought I might not ever tell you, not until you admitted to me that you've sort of done things with women before and well…" She realised she was rambling and sighed again, glad to get it out of her system.

What really surprised her was the almost pleased smile on Arria's face and the sparkle in her eye. "You really think that? But you've known about what happened to me from the start."

Elissa sat up again and looked at Arria seriously. "Arria, seeing how you survived and are recovering is what makes you so beautiful, on the inside as well as the outside. And I'm not the only one who thinks this too, but I don't think you've let him show you just how stunning he thinks you are." When the other woman's eyes fell to the blankets, Elissa tried to probe a little harder. "Why can't you let him in close? You want to, don't you?"

Arria kept her eyes down as she tried to find a way to express her thoughts. "Lissa, I want him near me all the time, but as I steadily let him closer I'm terrified of the fact that I might taint his light with the darkness I carry. He has already changed slightly since finding out more, and I am scared that eventually it'll be too much. If that ever happens and I push him away…I couldn't take it, I really couldn't-" Arria's voice caught as she choked back a sob, a lone tear escaping to fall on her fist clenching the blankets beneath her.

The raven-haired woman watched her sadly. "That's not all though, is it? You still feel them, feel sullied by all they did you and you don't feel worthy of his love." By the way Arria's posture slumped, she knew she was right. Elissa placed her hand over Arria's and tipped her chin so that the Nileesan woman couldn't turn away. "Let him in, Arria. Let Alistair show you just what you are worth, and someday their lies won't haunt you anymore." She could see the slight change in her eyes, as if she was at least willing to try and believe the words spoken. Elissa took it as progress, and just maybe her plan tonight could help them. "So…not too strange?"

Arria chuckled. "I'm shocked and flattered at the same time, but it's not strange, no. Does Alistair know about this?"

"Yeah, he knows. I warned him I might try a little bit of harmless flirtation, and before you worry about it Rod knows that is my intention. He loves me enough to trust me," she said with wink, earning a laugh from the other woman. "Now that is out of the way, I have something I want to ask you."

"Is this concerning your plan for tonight? Am I finally going to know what you have been up to?"

"Uh-huh, but only because I need you for it to work. A group of the survivors from Highever are musicians and they are going to be playing in the tavern tonight. I want you to dance with me." Arria raised an eyebrow. "There is no way with the way you move that your dancing doesn't extend past your fighting style. Those moves have surely caught a few people's interests over the years I am sure."

"Okay, so I can dance…but I don't see where this is going."

"I want you to let go, just for tonight. I've always used my meagre dance skills as a method of expression: to show my emotions, but it had also been a source of joy. To feel the freedom of movement…nothing quite compares to it, and I know you feel that way too." The soft smile on Arria's face showed that she did. "I've also never felt so beautiful as when the man I love has watched me dance."

Arria's eyes widened. "Lissa, what is it you want me to do?"

"Show the world your strength and beauty with how you move. Let yourself see just how far you have come and all you have achieved. Dance for him, and enjoy the feeling of pride when you see the desire in his eyes." Elissa stood and held her hand out for the other woman. "Dance with me Arria, and let yourself be desirable again."

Her heart was torn over whether to do this, but she was serious is what she said back in Marjolaine's hideout. She was tired of the limits she faced, and she wanted to break them. A determined smile came to her face as she took Elissa's hand. "All right, but why do I get the feeling you have an ulterior motive here?"

Elissa blushed. "Okay so I know Rod has a bit of a thing for seeing me with other women after what happened with Isabela-" Arria burst out laughing, having suspected as much. "But I want to do this to see the two of you get closer. You two are my dearest friends, and I want to see the two of you happy. I probably shouldn't be sticking my nose in as much as I am and I'm sorry if you think I'm getting too involved, but I can't help it."

"To be honest, Lissa, it is probably just as well you are. Between Alistair and I, we'd probably end up going no further due to his inexperience and my past. What was the…worst bit for you?"

"You mean with when Rod and I first got together?" Arria nodded. "Probably taking my clothes off and letting him see me the first time. I'll admit that I actually couldn't do it, the first time he tried to have sex with me, but he was patient and we eventually found our way there. Even we had bumps along the road, but the two of you will overcome just like we did."

The confession made Arria's heart lighten considerably and she hugged the other woman tightly. Elissa gripped back with equal force and it wasn't long before they parted. "How did it go with Wade?"

Elissa giggled like mad. "Let's just say Alistair wasn't braced for Wade: the man was flirting shamelessly with him which made him tremendously uncomfortable, but all his new gear should be ready by the morning after next."

Arria stifled a laugh at the image of Alistair floundering in such a situation and decided she would have to ask him about it later. "Any sign of Leliana?"

"None yet, but I don't think any of us expected her to reappear so soon. I can't imagine what a mess she must be in." A scratching at the door behind them caught their attention and Elissa opened it to the sight of two Mabari at the other side. "There you two are! Have fun did you?" Carou scampered off to Arria while Hallai nuzzled Elissa. She regarded her dog curiously, noting her almost shyness while Carou seemed quite proud of himself. It seemed Arria caught onto her thinking and she levelled her hound with a stare. "You don't think they…?"

Arria nodded. "I get the feeling our Mabari are mates now, am I right?" Carou barked once and padded back to Hallai, licking her muzzle affectionately and settling next to the door. The smaller Mabari wasted no time and snuggled in next to him, at which Carou's head came to rest on top of her own.

Elissa beamed at the pair. "They really are adorable together. A bit like you and Alistair."

Arria watched the two dogs with a gentle smile, finding that she couldn't disagree, and if they managed to find that comfort in each other, then maybe they could someday too.

* * *

When night descended upon the city, the musicians began playing in the tavern just as Elissa had said. The raven-haired woman kept sharing conspiratorial glances with the leader, letting him know when the time was right to put her plan into action. Alistair, Arria, Rod, Elissa, Anders, Wynne and Zevran were all gathered in the main area, listening to the music, sharing pleasant conversation and enjoying each other's company as time passed. It was a relaxed atmosphere the group hadn't experienced since the beginning of their journey, and everyone was glad for the time off. The only thing they felt which was missing was Leliana. She hadn't been far from anyone's minds since the events of the morning and she hadn't been heard from at all, but they all knew she could take care of herself and needed this time.

By the time late evening rolled around, much of the group had grown content listening to the music and watching various people dance. Wynne had retreated to bed with a gentle smile, urging everyone to enjoy themselves while she rested and as the music grew louder, the remaining six left the booth they had occupied and stood amongst those watching the group. Elissa winked at the leader when they were all standing and he nodded back at her, passing word around to his group of the next piece to play. When it started, both Zevran and Arria gasped. It was an Antivan tune which was very well known to the pair of them and incredibly popular for one reason and one reason alone. Its title more than gave away its purpose: the Art of Seduction.

With a knowing smile, Elissa held out her hand for Arria, hoping now that the time came she would be brave enough. "Fancy joining me, Arria?"

All the men gaped at her and looked between the two women, not missing the mischievous glint in both their eyes. "Why not?" she responded lightly, taking her hand and getting into position in the centre of the room. Of all the things she had been expecting from Elissa, this wasn't it, but it did give her the opportunity to push her boundaries just like she hoped. It would be difficult to see so many people staring at her but she had grown used to it back home: back when she took pride in the ability to attract the eyes of men and revelled in the knowledge of how desirable she was. Things were different now, but for the first time since she had been granted her freedom, she wanted to draw eyes. She _wanted_ to feel beautiful again, but most of all she wanted one set of eyes to be set upon her and only her.

As the music began in earnest, many of those assembled knew the moves, Elissa and Arria included, but they knew they would be gathering the most stares. Both began to dance, shyly at first, but soon Elissa wasn't holding anything back and moved with a grace which Arria's hadn't known she had possessed. It wasn't long before the two of them moved in closer, moving as one and they could feel the gazes of the spectators as they began to twist together much as the other couples on the floor were doing.

Off to the side, the other four stared with varying expressions. Zevran admired the way in which they both moved with ease while Anders wolf whistled, encouraging the two of them on. Rod partially glared at Elissa, knowing she had done this as a massive tease for him and he growled as his arousal grew stronger, both women moving in such a way as to draw almost every gaze to them. Alistair was completely enthralled at the confidence radiating from Arria. Her eyes were vibrant and sparkling and her face was lit by a smile he had never seen from her before. He suddenly had the urge to join her even though he couldn't really dance but he was so transfixed by the way in which she expressed herself that he couldn't move an inch.

Arria's smile grew as she slowly lost herself to the music, revelling in the feeling of being free from her burdens. As the two of them got more into it, she stopped caring about the many sets of eyes which were fixed on them and tried to enjoy herself. The two of them spun and pulled the other in again, twisting around each other when Elissa whispered to her, having been watching their companions carefully. "He can't tear his eyes away from you." Arria's gaze switched to Alistair and his breath caught at what he saw. She had never looked so alive as she did at that moment, but he could interpret the hidden message expressed through her moves. She wasn't afraid to be desirable anymore: she wanted him to look at her as something of beauty, and to _want _her. Arria winked at him just before she spun again, moving her hips in a delicious way that made all the blood in his body rush to one point.

He barely suppressed a groan as they kept going, chancing a look at Rod. "I'm not the only thinking those two look rather attractive together, am I?"

The knight chuckled. "Put it this way, I'm glad my pants are rather loose, or else the evidence of it would be rather clear." Glad not to be the only one getting turned on by them, the two watched for a few more seconds before Rod growled. "I'm not standing for this tease anymore, you going to claim her before someone else does?"

Elissa and Arria twirled and were about to move together again when a hand caught each of their own. Elissa's eyes twinkled and she kissed Rod lightly. "Took you long enough," she teased as he settled in to join her.

Arria was slightly surprised but the grip was so familiar to her that she didn't even flinch as she felt herself being pressed up against a strong chest and staring deep into the hazel eyes she adored. Her own eyes sparkled as she spoke to him. "Got tired of watching, did you?"

Alistair's hand settled on her waist and bent her backwards, whispering in her ear as she returned to her full height. "What can I say? You are just too damn irresistible." A shiver ran through her body at the tone, but she wasn't afraid of the obvious desire. She wanted him too, for the first time in a serious way, and she could barely stand being so close to him in the open like this. When the music stopped only a few seconds later she sighed in relief, knowing they now had the chance to slip away.

A startled cry from behind her drew their attention and everyone burst out laughing at the sight of Rod carrying Elissa away over his shoulder, shouting back to them that they'd see them in the morning. Many of the people around them kept laughing, including the musicians and Arria looked at Alistair playfully. "I hope you aren't getting any ideas," she stated.

His whisper in her ear caused her to giggle madly. "I somehow doubt I'm going to have any trouble taking you back to our room, you little seductress." She winked at both Anders and Zevran, both of whom seemed to have found their own dance partners as they vanished out of sight. The pair had barely had shut and locked their door before they gravitated towards each other and into a passion fuelled kiss.

Arria gasped slightly when the coolness of the wall met her back, but Alistair didn't let her dwell on it as his tongue invaded her mouth, determined to claim her. She wasn't willing to back down and the pair began a furious duel while her arms snaked around his neck, her fingers playing with the base of his hair while his own wrapped around her slender waist and pressed the two of them together. There was more heat between them now, but both were more than willing to see where it led them, waiting to see how far her courage would hold. She wanted him just as much as he wanted her for the first time, and they were ready to see how far they could push.

When Arria gasped for breath Alistair's mouth latched onto her neck instead, his tongue darting out to taste her. A moan escaped her and the heat in her centre built, surrendering it to for the first time. They both knew there was a limit to how far they could go but their heads were so clouded by desire for the other that being slow didn't enter their minds. Just as they had done since they became a couple, they were moving at the pace which felt most natural. It seemed strangely fast, but this past month might have as well been a lifetime for all they had endured and it already felt like they had been a part of each other for years. When they were together, they could scarcely remember life from before Ostagar and neither wanted to, knowing the other had not been a part of it. The completed each other in way they had never thought possible.

His lips descended to her shoulders and he kissed along the bare flesh, lapping up her taste as he listened to her moans. He didn't question the change as she decided tonight they were going to take this new step and was determined to worship her body in a way he so far had been denied. Arria whimpered as he knelt and began kissing her stomach, his fingers working into the muscles of her back which were still tight from earlier in the day. She couldn't make up her mind if she wanted to press more into his fingers or his mouth, but when his tongue began teasing her she instinctively arched up into him. His desire for her had never been more obvious and she raised him back to his feet, desperately wanting the tunic off him and to feel him closer.

The second it was off he pressed her body flush up against his and both gasped at the sense of their hot flesh meeting. Not content without a little journey of her own, Arria left his lips and nibbled on his ear, eliciting a deep groan out of him. She pushed off the wall and connected their lips again as she led them to their makeshift bed, bringing him down with her as they lay down together. Her mouth did not stay there, moving instead to his chest and tasting him as she traced his toned muscles. A low growl escaped him and he felt himself get harder as she continued to map a route down his chest, gentle hands running along his sides. When her arm brushed against his hardness, she froze.

With the spell broken slightly, their eyes met and both were equally torn. Her fear was back but neither wanted it to end. Knowing they couldn't push much further, Alistair pulled back slightly and rubbed her arms. "Lie down honey, on your front." She did so without question and sighed contentedly as his hands began rubbing in long, slow circles over her tight muscles. A moan escaped her as he found a few of the tighter ones and worked them out, giggling quietly when he left each one he tended to with a kiss. Soon he had worked out everywhere except the ones beneath her sash and he decided to test her courage. His hands ran along the edge of her clothing as he asked her. "Arria?"

She turned to face him and saw his unspoken question. The fear inside her and being vulnerable must have shown because he caressed her cheek. "I just want to reach all of your back, nothing else," he assured her, kissing her lightly. She gave a timid nod and he turned away, giving her time to get herself set. Her finger fumbled with the knot of her sash as she shivered, scared of being so exposed before him but knew he wouldn't see anything. Biting her lip and undoing it before she could change her mind, she gathered the loose material over her breasts and lay back down, whispering his name to let him know she was ready.

Alistair turned back and admired the full expanse of her bare back, not having forgotten the view he had seen when they had fled from Lothering. It had stayed in his thoughts since that day and he was so glad that she felt brave enough to give him that freedom. She shivered slightly as his fingers began running up and down her back, never having realised just how sensitive it was until she felt him graze over her skin. When his lips replaced his hands she moaned at the tenderness, wishing she was not so afraid. They both knew it was not him she was afraid of but it still did not erase the months of abuse and it would take some time yet before she was even vaguely ready to attempt sex. His gentle touches and small steps were slowly taking them in the right direction but she wished waiting didn't hurt them both so much. She smiled as he brushed her hair aside and kissed her Mark, fingers tracing the intricate lines as his other hand continued to rub along her back. It wasn't too long before he moved to the original purpose of why he had asked her to bare herself and she sighed in pleasure as he worked out the last of the knots in her back. It felt heavenly and she was sorely disappointed when he stopped.

Alistair lay down on his back next to her, their eyes meeting as he traced her face. She let her eyes show her gratitude and contentment as they stared at each other for long minutes. Neither knew how long it was that they had lain there before he could no longer ignore the throbbing hardness and kissed her apologetically. "I'll be right back," he told her as he fetched his tunic and left their room. Arria took the opportunity to put herself back together, tying her sash up again as her skin continued to tingle. She had never felt so wanted or cherished and though they hadn't managed to find the release they both wanted, it was a huge leap forward and she was infinitely thankful to Elissa. The younger woman had been right: she did want to feel desirable for Alistair and tonight she knew he had badly wanted her, just as she had desired him. His arousal had frightened her, but she had been waiting for it. Since that day in the forest where he had been part-werewolf she had been prepared for it, though the discovery had still left her slightly afraid. It would be a while before she could truly embrace him in that state, but the fact she hadn't been scared witless was a major accomplishment.

When he returned she greeted him with a gentle smile, relieved when he responded in the same way. Both settled under the covers with him behind her, arms holding her close as she sighed happily. "Thank you, for making me feel beautiful again," she whispered into the darkness, smiling as he shifted her hair and kissed her neck.

"You've always been beautiful, Arri, I'm just glad you aren't afraid of being seen that way anymore. I've never felt luckier than I did tonight, watching just how may men wanted you but knowing you are mine. I still don't know why you chose me but I am so thankful you did," he responded, hugging her tighter.

She twisted around in his hold and kissed him. "You are the one who has helped me find who I am again, you are the one who had helped me through the nightmares and never looked at me differently after finding out what happened. You gave me a reason to live again, Alistair. I'm the one who wonders everyday why you chose me, and I'm still not convinced I am more trouble than I am worth, but you are slowly managing to convince me I am worthy of loving."

"Trust me, Arria, that is one thing I will never stop trying to prove." With their hearts lighter than they had ever known it and a happiness which flooded their beings, they surrendered to sleep, ready to face whatever tomorrow would bring.

* * *

Arria stirred as the sunlight streamed in through the window, confused to see Alistair was not with her. She found a note on the other side of their bed in his familiar handwriting and smiled at it.

_I couldn't wake you, not when you looked so peaceful and content so I'm joining Elissa and Rod (maybe not a clever idea as it won't take a genius to figure out what happened between them last night, but I've never been known for my intelligence!) Come and join us when you feel up to it. _

_Sur mi anere._

_Alistair_

Her smile broadened at the words 'I love you' written in Nileesan. It wasn't in the script of her language, but he had written it as it best he could in the common tongue. Her mind drifted back to the day he had asked how her language looked on paper and how his face had scrunched up in confusion as she carried out his request to see it. When she had asked him what she should write, she had been surprised that the first thing which had come to his mind was the Grey Warden motto, but she had obliged. It hadn't taken long for him to realise that while he was picking up the spoken language rather easily, figuring out the written stuff would probably take a lot longer.

She fell back into the bed briefly as she thought on what today was. It was her 23rd birthday, but she was in no mood to celebrate. Thoughts of the birthday she had been unable to celebrate a year earlier saddened her. 22 was the Coming of Age for Nileesans, but all her birthday had contained was remembering the life stolen away from her. Thoughts of what it should have been like had been bittersweet and it hadn't taken long for her to figure out she would never be able to look on a birthday the same way again. She wondered if Alistair had remembered when they had discussed it briefly, but from the wording in his note it seemed he had forgotten, not that it was any problem. In her opinion, there was nothing to celebrate.

When she knocked on Elissa and Rod's door a few minutes later, she was surprised to hear a lot of scuffling inside before Elissa shouted for her to come in. She was greeted by three smiles as she shut the door behind her and sat next to Alistair. He was surprised by the tender kiss she gave him but when he noticed the note in her hands, it seemed his lame effort to write in Nileesan had been appreciated. Arria looked between the three of them curiously as they all stared at her. "What? Is my hair sticking up or something?" she asked, smoothing down her caramel locks self-consciously.

They all laughed. "Oh no, it's something much more important than that," said Elissa while pulling out an item wrapped in brown paper. "Happy birthday, Arria!"

The Dancer looked at Alistair in amazement. "You _did _remember."

He kissed her cheek just before she took the present from Elissa. "Of course I did. You didn't think I was going to forget to celebrate the day the woman I loved was born, did you?"

She blushed lightly as she ripped at the paper, anxious to see what was inside. Arria gasped at the pair of beautiful black gloves, specially made to allow her full movement while concealing her forearms. Slipping them on and fitting her fingers through the holes, she pulled them up to rest just below her elbows. Small gemstones were encrusted into the fabric and shone back at her. "These are amazing!"

Elissa giggled. "Rod's idea, believe it or not. When Alistair told us it was your birthday, we couldn't not get you something but wanted to get you an item you could use or wear anywhere. They are made for combat and are made to resist the elements, so they should stand up to the journey ahead."

Arria stood and hugged both of them tightly, thrilled with such a gift. She was beaming when she sat down again next to Alistair but looked down as he held out a small box for her. Her eyes shot up to meet his. "Alistair?"

"I've been planning this since the Brecilian Forest, I hope you like it as much as I've thought you will."

She bit her lip as she took the box, a few of the pieces clicking just before she opened it. "That is why I've had Elissa dragging me out all over Denerim, you were organising this. I thought something was up but I wasn't expecting this…" Everyone waited nervously as Arria opened the box slowly. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw what it contained, pulling it free of its home to hold in her hand. "Oh Alistair it's beautiful…"

Inside was a necklace, crafted in the shape of a rose. A sturdy but elegant silver chain was attached at either side and opened at the back, holding onto a large, white and blue rose just like what used to grow in her homeland. It surrounded a luscious red version just like the rose he had given her the night she admitted she loved him, but it was the gem at the centre which held her attention. It was pale sapphire, which shone to either a vibrant blue or a hazy grey, just like her eyes. Her wonder filled gaze turned to meet his and he was thrilled at her reaction. Turning it over, he showed her the inscription on the back. Tears came to her eyes as she saw the same Nileesan script she had written for him days ago of the Grey Warden motto.

_In War, Victory. In Peace, Vigilance. In Death, Sacrifice._

She was amazed that he could have been planning this so far ahead but wasn't given time to dwell upon it as he took the necklace from her and signalled for her to turn around. She did so rapidly, taking off her Warden's Oath as she did so and waited eagerly as he slipped it around her neck. He brushed her hair to the side as he fastened it and she leapt up to view it in the mirror. It sat just at the base of her neck, designed not to move during combat and the chain was just short enough so that the necklace did not sit upon her sash, but instead rested against her skin. The cool metal felt slightly alien, but she loved the weight of it and beamed at how it looked right.

Arria spun to face the others and they were thrilled to see her so happy. Elissa giggled as Rod nodded in approval and Alistair stood to embrace her. She threw her arms around him and held on tight, so thankful to him. He was surprised as she kissed him passionately but held her tenderly, the pair only breaking when Rod whistled at them. They parted with a laugh and Alistair kissed her forehead instead, holding her close as she settled into his hold, her heart never having felt so light or never having felt so at home. "Happy birthday, Arria."

* * *

Ha! How many of you did I catch thinking he had bought her a ring? Not yet I'm afraid, but that doesn't mean it isn't something for the future. Okay, so I never intended to write basically a 10,000 word chapter, but I couldn't not include her gift at the end, not when I had been so looking forward to writing it. Please let me know what you all thought, and I'll see you next time!

Negative Angel


	31. Day of Birth

My love goes out to **Melysande, Kid-X **and **ThesusStark **for your reviews on the last chapter, you guys are amazing.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 30: Day of Birth**

Arria sat upon the makeshift bed in her room, staring at the necklace in her hands with a gentle smile on her face. After receiving her gifts earlier in the day, Elissa and Rod had vanished to earn some more money, with Zevran going to join them later after having a quick search for Leliana. The Bard had still not returned and Arria was beginning to grow slightly concerned. She knew all too well that being highly emotional could send your ability to fight one of two ways, and if Leliana was like her and became more vulnerable when her emotions were a mess, she could be in trouble. Zevran had left her with a wrapped package but had asked her not to open it until Leliana returned, saying that she had the other piece of her present. Arria had been highly curious and kept glancing at the item which she had placed in the corner of the room, but so far had resisted the urge to look inside.

Her fingers ran around the edge of her gift from Alistair and traced the individual petals as she continued to turn it in her hands. She couldn't remember receiving a gift which had given her so much joy, not even her armour had evoked such feelings within but she also knew its significance. Alistair had meant this as a sign of his commitment to her: it was almost like an unspoken promise that he would stay by her side no matter what, and she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed and entirely unworthy. They had been together not even three weeks yet, but every day he seemed to find new ways to inspire confidence within her and mend another piece of her soul. For the first time, she could believe in a day where she could live without fear of the ghosts which still haunted her. It shocked her that somewhere along their journey, she had finally accepted the loss of her people and family. When they left Denerim she was at long last ready to say goodbye, but it would require the help of her new family to do it in the fashion she desired. That was one gaping wound within her healed, but the greater hurts would take a lot longer.

_Or maybe not as long as I thought_ she couldn't help but think. Somehow her barriers had already started coming down as they moved forward in their relationship. In the back of her mind it still seemed to be going far too fast, but there was nothing normal about them as a couple. With the Blight looming over them and all their struggles, they might as well have been together for years. From the moment they had met they had found comfort in each other, no time more so than when they were both broken and hollow following Ostagar, and they had rebuilt each other using what little remained to what they were now. Both were changed people, and Arria wondered where they were going to end up by the time their journey ended.

The sapphire in the centre sparkled as it caught the light and her smile grew just before she turned it over and gazed at the inscription on the back. Seeing the script of her people made her heart swell with not only pride, but also gratitude to the man who had given her this treasure. It was truly a combination of her old life and her new one, reminding her that what she had lost need not be forgotten as she found her way along her new path. She stood and went to their full length mirror as she placed the item back around her neck, admiring it as it sat proudly on her skin. Someday she was going to have to repay him for all he had done for her, this she knew.

A knock on the door caught her attention but she stayed staring at the reflection, knowing well who it was. A sigh of happiness left her as his arms came to wrap around her waist a few seconds later and she giggled as he left a kiss on the side of her neck. "I feel bad, actually," she said while snuggling back into his hold.

Alistair looked at her. "What do you mean?" he asked, confused as to the context.

Arria dropped her eyes slightly, but kept a gentle smile on her face. "I was thinking it's just as well you never found another woman before me, because she never would have let you go. It's selfish I know…but I couldn't help it."

He smiled into her shoulder, appreciating the compliment. "I somehow doubt I would do this for any woman, Arria, and nobody could compare to you, no matter how much they tried." When she smiled she shifted in such a way as her necklace caught the light and the sapphire in the centre lit up just like her eyes. Alistair's smile grew as held her tighter. "I'm amazed at how well it came out: it's perfect for you. I might have to go back to that girl and ask her how much it is for those sapphires."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"I might find something else to use it in. You know, in the future."

She faced him with a raised eyebrow. "Planning something else, are we?"

"Not at the moment, but you never know." It wasn't a complete lie. He knew very well what he would use it for, but it wouldn't be for a long time to come yet. There was a day in the future where he hoped to ask her that question, but it wouldn't be until the Blight was done. Their duty came first.

Arria fixed him with a look which put across she didn't entirely believe him, but she let it go for now, choosing instead to let him inside her a little more. Alistair's eyes followed her as she went to her pack and pulled out several pieces of paper. She sat down on the edge of the bed and he joined her, but he was rendered speechless at what he saw. They were sketches, exquisitely done, of places he had never seen the like of before. Towering structures and stunning architecture could be seen in many of them, while some showed people dressed in clothing far different from that of what he knew. Everything was so colourful and vibrant… "Is this Nileesa?" he questioned in a quiet voice, unable to believe that such a place could have existed.

She nodded with a sad smile, remembering the various places the sketches depicted. "Merlinne, mostly. It was our only city, and as such a lot of time was spent in its construction. After a few decades it became known as the "White Spires" because of the many towers it held. I never really appreciated its beauty until I saw it burning…" Alistair could hear the immense sadness within her voice and kissed her lightly, hoping that letting him into her past wasn't going to hurt her too much. Arria smiled at him and turned her attention back to the drawings, trying to hold back the few tears which wanted to escape. "These are all that are left as proof of my homeland now. My memories give me so much, but these can help me remember how it was before we were destroyed."

As he started thumbing through more of the sketches, he eventually came to the only two which featured Arria. The first one showed her being held by an older man, probably in his early thirties with both smiling brightly. He was surprised at how little armour he wore: it was present only on his forearms, shins and shoulders but he thought that he probably shouldn't have been that shocked. The Nileesans were that different in their fighting style that he should be prepared for anything. Drawing on what she had told him, he worked out who it was she was with. "Your brother?"

Arria nodded. "Yes, this is Garros. He taught me all the basics, and even when I became a Dancer he still trained me; pushing me to break the limits I had and create new ones. It's thanks to him I became as powerful as I was. Well…mostly down to him. He was the first one to help me find my path and was the one who showed me that I could create my life to be how I wanted it, with but the right knowledge and choices. I owe him a lot for who I am now."

Alistair listened carefully while watching her, not missing how her eyes lit as she talked about the man who raised her. They shared a strong bond, not too dissimilar to the one he once had with Duncan but theirs was more like siblings than the father-son which he experienced, no doubt due to their ages having been a lot closer. He peeled away that page and found the one of her group together. It was strange seeing how different they all were: two mages, two rogues and a warrior all together but he took special note of who it was Arria was holding onto. Her arms were wrapped around another shield-user as his held her close, and though her smile was radiant, his was less obvious. It didn't take him long to work things out. "And this must be Tomerre."

She watched him patiently, waiting to see how he would react to seeing the man she once adored above anyone else. "Yes, that's Merre. It doesn't show it here, but normally he was a moody so and so. It took me years to break through his shell and discover who he was behind the attitude. For years, I was his mortal enemy and he was a massive pain in my neck."

That surprised Alistair and he laughed. "Really?"

"Yeah, wasn't until we had survived a near-death experience together that things started to change. We became best friends and before I really noticed it he became something more…He was the other one who pushed me beyond my limits. We always used to train against each other: in the early days normally until one of us collapsed and needed serious healing, but as we grew older it became less about beating the other one and more about pushing ourselves to new heights. We rose to eventually become two of Nileesa's greatest, only being surpassed by the one man who trained both of us."

"Garros."

"He was undoubtedly the best Nileesa had seen for generations, and it was even more of an achievement since he was an Ironfist: he never used weapons."

"Ironfist?"

"In simple terms, he manipulated the Fade to harden his limbs to the point where they were as strong as metal. Imagine that with a man who had the power of an ox. Probably the most spectacular stunt he ever pulled off was when he punched clean through a wall at close range. You can imagine why almost nobody ever faced him by choice."

That sent a shudder through Alistair. "He had that much power?"

"Yes, but he was an immensely gentle soul. Cross him and you were as good as dead, but outside of it you could not find a stronger ally or a better friend. Except for maybe Merre…I've never known a man fight so hard for what he believes in or be so willing to sacrifice himself for others." She turned and smiled at Alistair. "Until I met you, that is. I can see what you are wondering, whether I would have chosen you when I could have had him, but I know now I would always have chosen you. I love you, Alistair and as much as I wish I could still have them here with me now, it is not how fate decided my life should be. There is no point wishing otherwise when life has given me so much in return for all I have lost."

He kissed her slowly, thanking her for letting him in a little deeper but he couldn't help but wonder how things might have been had the man who once held Arria's heart still be alive. Pushing the thoughts aside, he noticed something strange about the thickness of the last few pages and looked down at them when they broke the kiss. Arria looked at him strangely but her eyes widened as he peeled at the edge of one of the pages to reveal another sketch, stuck to the back of the other one. It was one which Arria had never seen before. Her breath caught as they both looked at it in detail.

It showed Arria fighting Garros in what she soon worked out was the Champions Tournament, both with vibrant smiles on their faces but determination in their eyes as one tried to best the other. The drawing itself almost felt alive as everything had been captured so vividly. The two of them started analysing the rest of the sketches in greater detail, finding more and more of them stuck to the backs of the pages which showed Arria and her friends in combat. Only one of them didn't, and it was a moment that Arria didn't even remember happening. It showed she and Tomerre asleep on some grass just outside the Captains' Quarters, her curled into his chest as she often did but surprisingly his arm held onto her quite tightly, even in his sleep.

"Who drew all these?" he asked, amazed at the detail in all of them.

"My sister, Rena. I didn't know these existed." She found another page stuck to the back the last sketch of her and Tomerre and felt her heart stop when she peeled it away, seeing the writing there. It was her sister's.

_Thought I should leave these for you to find in your own time. Maker knows why I drew these because you know what I think of fighting, but I suppose I just couldn't get over seeing all of you in the Champions Tournament. For a minute there, I thought you were actually going to beat Garros. Stupid me, nobody can touch the man. Still, I'll grudgingly admit that I was impressed by what I saw._

_Look Arria, I know I've been a bit of a bitch to you in recent times and blown you off every time you came to speak to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is…I respect you for your choice, even if I don't agree with it. I can't deny that you are one of the best Nileesa has, and maybe someday you might even rise to become a Battle Maiden, which I will admit I would love to see. Knowing it's my sister who is among the greatest warriors ever to be born among us…I would be proud. _

_Yes, I'm sure you are wondering whether it is actually me writing this. But, I've had a lot of time to think and while I can't accept your path at the moment, I think I might be on the way. Maybe you won't find this by the time that day comes (and I really hope that is the case, bad enough for me to admit to you I'm wrong once rather than twice!) but if you do, I just wanted to say this. I'm sorry, and I hope we can someday reconcile. You never did wrong by me but I hurt you a lot. Once I can deal with that shame and have the guts to actually ask your forgiveness, I will do. Until then, I guess I'll stay in the Chantry and find my own path._

_By the way, you and Tomerre are a good match. Will you two hurry it up already! You probably aren't going to find a better man than him, especially one who can put up with you being stronger than he is most likely._

_Take care of yourself Arria, and don't you dare die before I can patch things up with you._

_Your little sister, Rena._

Tears were streaming down Arria's face by the time she finished reading. Because Rena had written it in the common tongue, as was so often done by her people, Alistair could read everything too and held her tightly as she cried. Unable to hold onto the sheets any longer, she dropped them and threw herself into Alistair's arms. "She didn't hate me…" she sniffed out through the tears, shocked by what she had seen. "Oh Rena, you were so wrong and I wish I could show you the life I have found, you would be so thrilled by Alistair."

The two of them stayed like that for a long time. While the wounds of her homeland may have healed, they were still tender and could be reopened easily. This would not be the last time she cried over all she had lost.

* * *

Because they could not leave the tavern due to Alistair no longer having a shield, the pair stayed in their room talking quietly for much of the day, switching between discussing their companions and Arria teaching Alistair more about her language. He was just about able to piece together a very basic conversation now, much to the surprise of both of them. It was late afternoon before a knock came at their door and Arria was overjoyed to see not only Zevran, but Leliana with him as well. The Bard was slow to respond to the hug she received from the Dancer, but she did so gently. Arria ushered them both into their room and took a good look at the other woman before they sat down. Leliana was very quiet and her eyes showed the deep sorrow she was still feeling, but the immense relief within gave away her true feelings. She could also see the smallest amount of shame at her feelings, but Arria hugged her tightly and whispered to her. "There is nothing for you to feel ashamed about, Leli. Your reaction is perfectly natural. You are finally free, don't hold yourself back from enjoying it because you feel you should not. After everything she put you through, it is only right that you got your revenge."

Leliana pulled back and looked at Arria unsure, but the younger woman let her see the shadows which she normally tried to hide, and it served to let her friend see that maybe she was right. With a timid smile, she sat down in a chair opposite the bed while Zevran leant against one of the bedposts. Alistair was relaxed up against the headboard and Arria sat back in the position she had been in before, settled between his legs and resting against his chest. The elf raised an eyebrow at how the two Wardens sat. "I am guessing the two of you are more comfortable around each other now?"

Alistair looked at him suspiciously but Arria whispered to him that Leliana now knew about her. Surprise showed on his face but at the calmness in her eyes, it seemed she was happy enough for the Bard to know the truth. Knowing Arria herself couldn't have told Leliana without her having subsequently telling him, he assumed it must have been Zevran who let the secret slip though it seemed from Arria's reaction she thought he had made the right choice. "A few of the walls are coming down, yes," answered Arria gently, snuggling back into Alistair's hold as he began rubbing her side.

Arria looked at Leliana and saw the mixed emotions there. Realising what she and Alistair were doing was probably the last thing she needed, she began to sit up but Leliana shook her head. "Do not worry, Arria. Seeing the joy you bring to each other is a comfort, rather than a painful reminder." Unsure she was telling the whole truth, Arria did return to her position but kept her focus on the other woman. Leliana sighed deeply before she spoke again, letting her friends see inside her mind. "It gives me hope that I can someday find comfort in another, that I am not broken beyond all healing. It does not feel that way now, but knowing what it is you have overcome and are still conquering…My hurts are nothing compared to your own."

"Leli, our situations are worlds apart. I ended up trapped in that nightmare by my own fault, not because I was betrayed by someone I love. I don't know if I could open my heart like that again if that had happened to me, my hurts were more physical and mental than emotional."

"Yet I have but one challenge: letting someone in again. Your challenges are many more and you have a much greater mountain to climb before you return to a life you are happy with, am I wrong?"

Arria paused. "I am happy like this, Leli, but I know things are only going to get better from here. I'm not naïve enough to believe that we won't hit some serious challenges along the way, but I know I am on the up. This is you having fallen as far as you can go, there is only one direction which you can move."

Leliana smiled earnestly for the first time in over a day. "Forwards." She stood and placed a delicate kiss to Arria's cheek, just before she pulled a package out of her pack. "Thank you, Arria. Now, I do believe it is your birthday, and I see you have been patient with Zevran's gift."

The Dancer laughed as the elf handed her the gift she had been curious about all day. "She'd have been at that hours ago if she had her way," teased Alistair, yelping quietly when she elbowed him. Leliana laughed at them as Zevran chuckled, everyone watching as Arria opened the contents. Inside were a pair of guards for her forearms, with straps which she could loosen and tighten as she desired. The engraving on them was exquisite and she gasped as she realised that there was an elven script carefully concealed within the markings so that only those with a keen eye could see it.

Arria turned questioning eyes towards Zevran, who winked at her. "I have some contacts in the city, they saw to it that my order was fulfilled in time."

She was speechless and could only smile her gratitude before she instead turned her attention to the gift from Leliana. From the weight and feel of it, she could instantly tell it was some form of clothing. Peeling away the packaging, she found four new wraps in a smoky blue, a pale pink, a deep red and a pure white with matching skirts for all of them. The blue and white ones came to her knees in the form of tassels while the pink one was layered and ended mid-thigh. The red was certainly more daring, long on one side while on the other it ended at the very top of her leg, revealing rather a lot of flesh. At the bottom were matching soft shoes for all of them, easy to be stored and travel with without fear of being crushed. "Leli, this is-"

"It's not all for now, I know some of it you couldn't hope to wear yet, but I hope you could manage to someday. It will give you something to aim for."

Arria switched her gaze to the various outfits, amazed that they were willing to do all this for her. Overcome by emotion, she stood and hugged both of them tightly: it had been a long time since she felt so cherished and part of a family. The two of them took their leave soon after and Alistair left for a few minutes so that Arria could try on one of the new outfits. It took all of two seconds to realise that the pink and red ones were out for now, so she chose the white one. The fabric felt soft against her skin but it hugged her form similar to how her old clothes did. She smiled at seeing herself in a colour other than black for once and twirled slightly in the mirror.

It was when she finished her spin that she paused and stared at the reflection. Looking at it, she didn't see a survivor, a warrior, a victim or even a Grey Warden. All she saw was a woman, ready to face the outside world. It had been a long time since she had felt anything close to normal, but that was what all of them had given her: a sense of belonging and identity again. A familiar knock sounded on the door and Arria threw herself at Alistair when he came back in, almost bouncing on the spot with joy when he let her back down. Her eyes were completely free of the shadows for the first time he could remember and he smiled with pride. She was starting to win the war against her memories, and she was truly on the road to banishing Howe's abuse forever.

A large growl interrupted the moment and Arria blushed furiously as she realised where it came from. Alistair smiled knowingly as she tried not to look at him. "Um…I think I might have just hit that increased appetite," she mumbled.

He chuckled and shook his head. "We knew it was coming, that's you now officially coming into being a Warden. I suppose we should head through and see to that hunger of yours. Maybe you'll now finally be able to put on that weight you've been struggling to find."

Arria wanted to take offense to the comment, but instead slapped his arm lightly. Both of them knew she was still too thin and needed to eat more but months of surviving off barely any food meant it was taking her a while to get her appetite back. It looked like it she was about to catch up on all those months and then some.

* * *

More than one person had been extremely amused to see Arria eating four times the amount she normally did, but even then it wasn't substantially more than any of the others would eat. Alistair was a little concerned, knowing it was probably about a third of what he ate when he went through the phase but she just smiled and put her own spin on it. "Maybe it was just because you enjoyed the excuse to pig out on all the cheese you could?" she jibed, earning a mock glare from her other half. He couldn't take complete offense at the comment, knowing she was half-right.

As the night wore on many of the others disappeared to bed but Arria pulled Anders aside for a few minutes, needing to confirm something. It didn't take the mage a long time to realise this was to be a serious discussion, but it surprised him what it was she was asking. "Anders, there is something I need to know. In the tower, you know how you once said that the Templars subjected the mages to various abuses? What about the…female mages? Did they suffer from anything worse?"

He caught on very fast to what it was she was hinting at. "Did the Templars take advantage of them sexually? Not many, just a few of the younger ones saw an opportunity in the younger women, especially the elven ones, but yes, it did exist. Arria, why are you asking me about this when you already suspected such a thing might be happening?" Taking a large leap of faith, Arria unmasked her eyes for the first time around the gentle mage. He gasped as he saw the shadows that she revealed, having seen them many times in the past in Kinloch Hold. "Not you too…"

"I guess that saves me having to explain a lot, as much as I wished my suspicions about the tower were wrong."

Anders forced back the anger which threatened to rise up through him as he thought about the mages' mistreatment, concentrating on the young woman before him. "How did this happen to you?"

"I never told you about those months from when my home was destroyed up till when I became a Grey Warden. For the last eight of them, I was a prisoner of Howe, Arl of Amaranthine. Let's just say I was more a toy he felt like playing with rather than just a captive. If it weren't for the Wardens saving me, I would still be a part of that nightmare. Normally I wouldn't think to tell someone about it so soon but…You've seen what those in the tower went through. I was wondering if-"

"If I knew how they moved past it?" Arria nodded. "Many of them never fully recovered, but then again not a lot were cut loose, so to speak. Most of the ones they claimed, they still use. It isn't frequent by any stretch of the imagination, but it is certainly there. Many of the older mages don't know about it or just ignore it, I'm not entirely sure which, but the apprentices can't speak out because they know the Templars would probably denounce them as a Blood mage and have them killed. There is nothing we can do to stop it because of the power the Templars hold!"

She could see the deep hatred he held within him and a horrible thought came to her mind, realising that they may have a serious problem within their group. "You hate the Templars so passionately, I can understand that. Do you have a problem travelling with one?"

"You mean Alistair? Yeah, I knew about him. You probably can't feel it because you are part-mage, but I certainly knew it after that fight at Marjolaine's, I could feel his power. It makes me…uneasy, that's for sure, but he seems a gentle person: so unlike all the Templars I knew in the tower. I can't say I'm completely at ease with it, though I'm going to try not to judge. Given you and Wynne are so at ease around him, I'll try to keep an open mind about it."

Arria sighed in relief. "Maybe we can do something, when we go back to the tower. We'll have to take a northern route when we leave here so that we can avoid the Blight, and I get the feeling that if we meet any Templars on the road who are chasing you, then Greagoir might be wanting a word or two with me. When we go back, there is no reason why we can't do a little digging and find out more."

He paused, wondering whether it was such a good idea but he couldn't deny it would be good to return to the tower and say goodbye to the few friends he had there, knowing he wouldn't see them again after he became a Warden. "Okay. And just to go back to the original point of you bringing up this particular topic, there were a couple of them who recovered and helped others through it. If we are heading to the tower, maybe you could see them and ask them yourself?"

She pondered this for a few seconds before nodding. "All right, I think I will. Thank you, Anders. For the record, while many of this group know about what happened to me, there are still a couple who don't, so I'd like you to keep the knowledge to yourself as much as possible."

"Say no more, my lips are sealed."

A smile came to her face at the return of his charm, but she knew now it was a front: a charade to hide what lay beneath, much like she used. While his concealed the deep anger and resentment at the injustice the mages suffered, she was hiding the shame of what she went through. Just like much of their group, he was a survivor of some tragedy from his home.

Arria vanished off to her bedroom soon after, but Anders asked Alistair to stay behind. When the male Warden told her to go on ahead, she had a feeling about when they were going to discuss and hoped they could overcome any potential obstacles. Once she was gone, Anders pulled the other man to a secluded area and levelled him with a hard stare. "So, you're a Templar."

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing Arria is the one who told you."

"Actually no, I sensed it after the fight with Marjolaine and I healed the pair of you. I've gotta admit, I never thought I'd see myself fighting alongside a Templar."

He could hear the deep anger in the mage's voice and wasn't too surprised at it. It was no secret that mages and Templars generally were mortal enemies. "Back when I started as a Warden, I'll say that I found working alongside mages a little awkward, but it didn't take me long to realise that mages are people too, not just those who have magic at their disposal."

Anders stance relaxed ever so slightly and the steely edge to his glare faded, but he still looked at the Warden coldly. "All right, I'll give you that. But how do I know you won't just Smite me if you think I'm up to something?"

"Have you seen Morrigan? Don't you think if I really had that much of a problem with mages I'd be keeping company with her and Wynne? Morrigan is someone who is dangerous, and I've managed to stop myself from Smiting her so far."

"That might change now that there's three of us. More mages means you are less likely to control us."

"Four of you, actually. You are forgetting about Arria, or does she not count because she is only part-mage?"

"I can't say she really is dangerous as a mage, I've not seen her use any magic."

"She knows Spirit magic and is slowly getting the hang of it."

"Still doesn't answer my question, how do I know you won't Smite me when the opportunity presents itself?"

Alistair growled and turned away, ready to leave the mage with his reservations and prove to him on the road he would do no such thing, but his instincts were telling him that if he didn't resolve this now, it could bite them in the ass later. It took the best part of half a minute before he sighed deeply and spoke again, in a much quieter voice than he did before. "How much has Arria told you about our journey?"

"Not a lot, just bits and pieces."

"So you don't know what happened when we went to the Dalish."

"No…" Anders could sense it was something serious from the tone of Alistair's voice and relaxed his stance completely. His own voice was soft as he took in the tension in the other man's body. "What did happen?"

Alistair turned back and showed the mage the scars from the werewolf bite. Anders eyes widened at the marks as Alistair told him the truth. "Werewolf got a hold of me. Because I'm a Warden, the curse and I were incompatible, so my transformation became rather quick. Just as I was losing my mind to it, I lost control of my Templar abilities. With the curse…it meant my power was coming directly from my own soul. In other words, my Smite can kill a mage." Horror showed on the mage's face, not having known a Templar could possess such power. "Arria…she stayed behind to make sure Wynne got far enough away, so when I lost the fight, she took the full force of the blast. It's just as well she has so little magical blood in her, or else-" He swallowed hard, the guilt from the event still weighing him down. "She was as close to dead as she could be when Wynne found her. To know that I so nearly killed her…I'm not sure I can ever use my Templar abilities again, not unless there is no other way."

Seeing the hurt the Warden held over what had happened, Anders placed a hand upon the other man's shoulder. "I'm sorry, for being so harsh with you. I can see now I was really out of line, can you forgive me?"

Alistair chuckled. "I don't blame you, Templars have probably made your life a living hell."

"Even so, I should know by now not to judge everyone simply based on what they are, rather than who they are. So…we're good?"

"We're good. I'm glad we got that cleared up now rather than leaving it for further down the road."

"You and me both. I suppose I should let you get back to Arria. I hear it is her birthday?"

"Yeah."

"Well I forgot to say it to her earlier, so do you mind wishing her a happy birthday from me?"

Alistair smiled. "Not at all. So what are you going to do?"

"Might head into the city for a while, look around for a bit. Sightseeing isn't something I've ever had the chance to do."

"Just be careful, we don't know how close the Templars are to pinning you down."

Anders smirked. "Please, I've spent years giving that lot the run around when I make my escapes. I know how to make them lose me for a few more hours."

* * *

"Arria?" Alistair looked around for his female counterpart but she wasn't in the room when he first looked. Bemused since he could see her armour and weapons were still beside the bed, he looked out into the corridor, just in case she was coming back from the bathroom but he saw nothing. Confused, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard her voice from behind him in their room. She giggled at his reaction and he mock glared at her. "Where were you?"

"How good are you at climbing?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "Good enough I suppose, why?"

"Follow me." Before he could stop her to ask what was going on, she was back out the window and hauling herself onto the roof. Looking upwards sceptically, he shook his head and followed her, unsure as to why she was choosing to spend time on the roof rather than in the warmth of their room. He was stunned as to how pleasant the temperature was despite it being quite late and found Arria standing a few feet away, looking up into the night sky. His breath caught at all the stars up there, never having really taken notice of them before. "Wow."

"It's amazing to see, isn't it? Even in the city there is so little light in the evenings that you can still see them clearly, but that isn't why I brought you up here." She held a hand out for him. "Come here, I want to show you something." He took the offered appendage and allowed her to guide to him to the highest part of the roof, placing them at one of the highest points in this area of Denerim. Even at night, once their eyes had adjusted to the level of light they could still see over the city. "It's something else, isn't it? We can see the whole city in its glory from here."

"Yeah, I'm guessing only the highest point of the palace has a better view. Although I'm guessing the view in Merlinne makes this pale in comparison."

"Merlinne was beautiful, but Denerim has its own charm to it as well. Nileesa and Ferelden are both so different, but I am more than happy to call this my home now. Up here…it's a good place to think."

Alistair hummed in agreement, seeing what she meant. It was surprisingly peaceful, even though they were just outside the Market. He sat on the roof with his back to the side wall of another window as Arria settled between his legs and leant into his chest. The pair of them stayed like that, content with the silence and knowing the other one was so close, for a long time before Alistair spoke again. He moved her hair and kissed her shoulder lightly to get her attention as he let her into his thoughts. "You know, once this is all over, we have a choice to make."

"What do you mean?"

"Once we've dealt with the Blight, we'll have to think about finding a home again. I just wonder…where would we go?"

"Wouldn't we have to go where the Wardens order us?"

He scoffed. "By then we will have taken down a Blight, single-handedly I might add. I think the Wardens will owe us one and allow us a little time to ourselves to make a home."

She smiled. "Maybe. I don't know, I haven't had a home in so long that I've kind of forgotten what it feels like."

That saddened him slightly, but he just held onto her slightly tighter rather than saying words which couldn't change anything. Words weren't as important for them, actions showing their thoughts and putting across their feelings just as much. Arria knew what he was thinking and turned to peck his cheek, hoping he wouldn't dwell on the past. "Don't suppose you have really thought of what to do?"

"Well my choices are kind of limited. It is Ferelden or…."

"Or?"

"Or…I could go and see what is left of Nileesa. It's been over a year, I don't know if there are some left there who are trying to rebuild the remains of our people, but I owe it to them to at least try and preserve their memory. I might be among the last or I _am _the last, but either way I can't let their legacy die. My people might well die with me but someday, somewhere, I can believe that the truth of our beliefs and our knowledge will be accepted, and maybe it can be seen that we were innocent."

He thought on this for a few seconds, making his choice. "If you go to Nileesa, I'm coming with you." She turned to him with questioning eyes. "I don't have a home, Arri; you know I've never really belonged anywhere because of my birth. I'm the bastard son of the last King and my mother is gone. Now that I know Goldanna doesn't want anything to do with me, I guess I have nothing left to tie me here once Ferelden is saved. The only family I have now is you, and if Nileesa is where you want to be then I'll be at your side."

"Alistair, here you can't see just how the rest of Thedas perceives me. I'm a threat, and if anyone ever discovers who I am, I'll probably be hunted for the rest of my life. And if you are associated with me-"

"I don't care. Arria, I'd rather spend the rest of my life trying to prove the truth about you and maybe living on the run rather than being without you." His fingers came to rest on her necklace. "This is my promise, to stay by your side forever. Neither of us is going to be alone again."

"Alistair I-" She stopped herself and shook her head, realising that as much as she didn't want to put him in harm's way, she was so much stronger with him there than without him. Her lips found his briefly and the two lost themselves to the connection for as long as it lasted before she looked at him with gratitude. "Thank you. We have a Blight to defeat first."

"Yeah, I suppose we should really be concentrating on that, shouldn't we?"

"It's nice to plan for the future though, I haven't been able to do that in a long time." She turned around again and relaxed into his arms, cherishing the feel of being held so tenderly and being so loved. "You know, when I awoke this morning, I was thinking of my birthday as a day that shouldn't be celebrated, all it served to do was remind me it was another year since I lost everything, another year I shouldn't have survived. I think I'm kind of unique now. This hasn't just been a day to celebrate my birth, but it has also been my rebirth too. It is a new life, and I am slowly finding my new identity. I've been lucky enough to be born twice in one lifetime."

He smiled at how she looked at it. "Well, I hope you are willing to let me be a part of this life you are just beginning, I'd hate to think you were starting completely from scratch."

She hummed in contemplation. "I'd have to think about that…after all, I already have a man in mind I want to share my heart with."

His eyebrow rose. "Oh? And who might this be?"

"Well, he is a lovable idiot who just so happens to be a Grey Warden, but he's also secretly a prince, don't tell anyone that." He chuckled at her as she continued. "And then of course he is very sweet, caring, incredibly patient but also fiercely protective. So protective I almost want to hit him sometimes, but I love the feeling of knowing he loves me so much that he is willing to do that much for me. I used to believe I wasn't worthy of such love, and I have a challenge for him."

"Is that so?"

"I want him to make me believe: believe I am worthy of him, because I certainly don't feel it yet. I have so many ghosts which haunt me, and I want to be free of them, but I'm scared that he will be haunted by them as well. I don't want him to carry the burden too." She spun around and knelt before him, locking their eyes together. "There is so much darkness within me, but I am terrified once I let him inside that it will infect him too. He is my light, the reason I have to live again and the single wish of my heart is to be what he needs too. If he can love me even a fraction of how I love him, then I can be truly happy again. My soul is still torn, but his love is slowly helping me mend it. I know that more tears will form as I face my memories and my fears, but I hope he is ready for the trial that comes with loving me. I hope he can fix me, shape me into a woman worthy of him as we find our way through life together. And someday…maybe I can be a lover, as well as his love."

His heart wanted to burst at her confession and he held her cheek gently as he brushed his lips over her own, not quite closing the distance between them. "I accept your challenge, Arria, and I'll never stop trying to prove my love to you. Thank you, for giving me this chance." She whimpered slightly as he finally claimed her and they shared a long, slow kiss. As they parted again, he stood and offered her his hand, leading them back downstairs and into their bedroom. Tonight they would explore all the new ground they had uncovered, but neither was ready to take another step forward. The next one was going to be big, and it could either make them, or break them.

* * *

Okay, so somehow Denerim is going to end up spanning seven chapters total. How the hell did that happen?! Oh well, the next chapter is going to be their last in the city, then they head back out into the chaos of the outside world. And I mean it when I say chaos.

As always, please leave me your thoughts and opinions. I welcome honest opinions and points where I need to improve, after all this is my first major fic and I have a lot to learn still.

See you all next time!

Negative Angel


	32. Crash of Reality

Special thanks to **Melysande** and **WhitewaterWolves**, my fantastic reviewers of the previous chapter. I warn you all now, this one is a tough read: it wasn't going to be long before things started to turn for the group again and fate has a nasty habit of pushing them at just the wrong times.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 31: Crash of Reality**

As the next morning broke through their window, Arria was the first to awaken but as she became more aware of her surroundings, she noticed that somehow through the night the two of them had changed sleeping positions. Somehow, she had flipped over and Alistair was instead holding her front tight to his chest while her head was tucked under his own. She smiled at the warmth with his arms locked around her shoulders and back, unable to resist running her hands over his toned muscles. Strangely enough, even though she couldn't really move she found she didn't feel trapped. Both of them had been careful that if she ever needed to make a quick escape to break the memories, that she could; but being there held as close as was possible with him so near didn't frighten her even the tiniest amount. A bright smile came to her face: this was a good sign.

A sigh escaped him as her hands continued moving along his chest and she paused, debating what to do. She pressed a feather light kiss to the skin she could reach and had to bite her lip to stop from giggling when she earned a quiet groan from him this time. From his even breathing, she could tell he was still asleep but it seemed even in slumber he was still aware of what she was doing. Manoeuvring her head out from under his own, she used her hand to hold it in place as she leant up to press several kisses along his jaw. She could feel his heart rate speed up beneath her other hand and waited until he was just beginning to awaken before connecting their lips. It took him a couple of seconds to realise what was going on, but when he did she laughed as he deepened the kiss. She squirmed as his hands found a sensitive point on her back and had to break the kiss for air when it seemed he couldn't get enough.

Her eyes sparkled with mischief as his own opened. Alistair shook his head briefly to try and get some sense into his head. "Wow, um…I could really get used to waking up like that," he said while taking note of the look in her eyes.

Arria winked at him. "I wouldn't want to do it that often, spoils the fun of it if I did," she replied lightly. "Of course I could always do this instead…" Alistair just about kept back a yelp of surprise as her hands slipped to an area she knew was ticklish.

Alistair stared at her evenly. "Someone is in quite the mood this morning," he observed.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Believe me, I'm as surprised as you, though I could get used to this. Makes a nice change from the mornings I've grown used to over the past year."

"Well, let's not put it to waste." Arria giggled madly as his lips found her again and moaned quietly when his tongue found its way to her own. Her arms snaked around his neck to play with the base of his hair as his began to trace lines up and down her back, earning shivers of pleasure in reply. As his hands slipped beneath her sash to discover the skin beneath she gasped and broke the kiss, giving him the opportunity to kiss her neck instead. Arria slowly found herself relaxing into his touch and lay back as he lavished her with attention. When she rested flat on her back Alistair switched his hands to her sides and felt her heart speed up in response, but from the way her body stayed relaxed he knew it was through pleasure rather than fear. He paid attention closely as he descended down her to her shoulders, looking for the first sign of pushing too hard.

Arria bit her lip as her skin tingled from where he showered her with affection. The feeling still felt alien to her and she couldn't help the split second panic which went through her as she thought of the obvious want with which Alistair touched her, but she was slowly realising that it wasn't something to be scared of with him. He wouldn't abuse the trust she placed in him, and that knowledge made her so much more at ease. She gasped and held back a deep moan as he shifted to litter kisses all over the scars which criss-crossed over her abdomen. As she arched up into him, he took the opportunity to slip his hands under her and work into the muscles of her back. A strangled cry left her at the dual attention, but her body went rigid as when he moved again, she felt something against her leg which gave away just what the situation was doing to him as well as her. Unlike two nights ago, however, this time she tried to fight back the fear which arose, convincing herself that this was a perfectly natural reaction.

Alistair felt the sudden tension in her body and began to move away, but her hands moved to keep him there. His eyes rose to meet her own and he could see her instinctive fear, but also a determination which he wasn't expecting. "Don't stop," she pleaded, wishing they could finally move forward without the fear of bumping into one of her many shadows. This new courage she had found was comforting, but he knew it couldn't last forever. Something was going to have to give at some point, and if it came later rather than sooner, it could have devastating consequences. He just hoped that when it finally did break, it didn't break her too. Trusting that she knew what she was doing, he rose up again to claim her lips, making sure that he wasn't only resting too much of his weight on her, but that she also couldn't feel his arousal. Despite what she may think, she wasn't ready to have to face that yet. Arria placed her hands on his chest, running them down his tight muscles as his own settled on her waist. Because she hadn't changed out of her new outfit from yesterday, she suddenly became aware that she had less protection than normal when their legs brushed together and she felt the fabric covering him against her bare skin.

Before she could control it, a memory assaulted her and locked her into it. Of being dressed up to entertain Howe's men one night, of how they took turns on a wheel of fortune to see what they were allowed to do to her. Most were just allowed to fondle different parts of her as they pleased, but some were lucky enough to land on the chance to rape her. Twenty men had her that night, and countless others abused her body as she was put on parade before them. Even the next day, when it was only Howe who had used her, she had never screamed so hard from the lack of recovery, nor felt so humiliated. Being pinned like this…it was too much.

Alistair could feel how she went rigid and sat up to look at her, instantly recognising the glazed look in her eyes of her being trapped. When she begged in a tiny whisper for him to stop, it took him but a second to leap away and give her more freedom, only to see her curl up into a tiny ball and hold her head tightly as she fought to break free of the memories. His heart broke at the terrified cries which escaped her as she remembered the pain and humiliation of being raped and abused, seeing how she tried to brush away men that weren't there. Knowing he had to do something to break her free, he settled in behind her and whispered to her, praying she could hear him. "Alistair, help me please!" she begged desperately, and he wasn't sure if she was meaning now or in a despairing plea from what she could see.

Realising she must at least be semi-aware because she didn't know him before those months of horror, his hold became firmer and his voice gentler as he tried to guide her back to now. "Arria, it's gone now. He can't hurt you anymore, I won't let him anywhere near you. It's a memory honey, not reality. Come back to me, please," he pleaded, unable to stand seeing her like this.

It was how his voice broke slightly that eventually got through to her and she shouted in defiance as she escaped from Howe in her mind, but also broke out of Alistair's arms in reality. Her vision cleared and she began to see how things were again: she was in Denerim, the latest stop on their quest to defeat the Blight, not trapped in Howe's grasp anymore. She was trembling fiercely and felt her skin crawling as the memories threatened to swallow her again, but her eyes locked with Alistair's and she felt her heart break at what they showed. He was afraid and anxious, but also looked at her with such love that it almost overwhelmed her. Using him as an anchor she shoved the images back where they belonged, in the past, and managed the bring herself back fully to the present.

As she regained her full awareness, she broke down into a mass of tears and collapsed upon the floor, feeling defiled to her core and shaking so hard she wasn't entirely sure she could stop. Her confidence was completely gone as she remembered the helplessness and how it had all been a self-inflicted nightmare, but when she felt gentle arms slip beneath her, she didn't fight them. Instead, she threw herself into him, needing to feel him close and needing his protection at her most vulnerable. Alistair held onto her tightly, sitting against a wall and staying her silent guardian as she let it all out. He held back on his own emotions, knowing that if she saw them it would cause her even more despair and resolved to let them out later, when she fought through her own too. This time, they needed the physical outlet.

_Is this…just a glimpse of what she suffered? _Just when he thought she was finally turning a corner, they crashed back to reality in one of the most painful ways possible. This was going to be a very tough day.

* * *

It was almost an hour before Arria's flood of tears began to ease and Alistair hadn't said a word to her that whole time. When she finally sat up and looked at him, she was surprised to see how well he was masking his emotions, but she didn't have the chance to dwell on it as he stood and handed her one of her daggers, making his intention very clear. Realising that she wasn't the only one who had been deeply shaken, she nodded mutely and took it, watching him sadly as he put himself together and left their room with his armour and weapon so that she could prepare in peace. Arria took her time in changing and slipping into her armour, attempting in vain to collect her thoughts. All she had at the moment were fragments, her mind so clouded by ghosts and her skin crawling with the remains of the flashback. Shaking her head violently as Howe's sadistic grin came to mind, she gripped her daggers hard and left their room, knowing where he would be.

What she didn't expect when she reached the empty room they had been using for training, was for Zevran to be there too. The elf's eyes showed sympathy and a deep anger: Alistair must have asked for his help, realising that he probably wasn't going to be enough this time. She did not say a word to either of them as she took up a battle stance and readied her Song. Now that she could use it freely, she intended to. Both Zevran and Alistair were ready before she was but waited, knowing she had to make the first move. Neither of them knew her state of mind, and as such they didn't know what was safe or not. They had each seen how she was when her memories either clouded her vision or threatened to do so, and depending on which scenario they now faced they could plan accordingly.

Arria raced at Zevran first, swinging both of her daggers fiercely and missed him by millimetres as he spun and struck out with his own. She ducked and tumbled away, kicking at Alistair on the way and he leapt backwards as a dodge. When she regained her feet, Arria charged towards the other Warden and dove over his blade as he struck, using her hands to launch into a flying kick. Without his shield, he had lost his primary form of defence and couldn't quite get out of the way of the strike as he tried to weave away. Her feet connected with his shoulder, sending him spinning and he crashed to one knee to stop the momentum. Both of them could see she wasn't at her best, but she still had more power than normal and was just as deadly, but there was a clarity in her eyes this time. Before they could really absorb the revelation, she spun and released a wave of Spirit magic, knocking Zevran off his feet but because Alistair was still anchored, he absorbed most of the impact and charged in just as Arria reset herself.

She raised her daggers to block his sword and raised her knee to strike, but he blocked with a mirror version of the move and the two of them pushed off to start a new assault. Arria launched herself at him, intent on Shifting to launch a surprise strike from behind, but when Alistair raised his sword to block a strike, Arria Shifted instead. Alistair felt the change in the air around him as Arria Shifted and was surprised he could now feel it, but he didn't have time to think on it as it suddenly dawned on him that she hadn't gone far enough. She screamed in pain when his sword sliced her arm and rolled back, away from him. Her arm was bleeding heavily but she fought through the pain and switched tactic. Flipping back on her good arm, Arria kicked Alistair's wrist in such a way as it caused him to let go of his sword and wrapped her feet around it, hurling it towards Zevran. The assassin dodged it, but couldn't get out of the way of the daggers she threw right behind it. They clipped his sides and pinned him to the floor, effectively keeping him out of action: for the moment anyway.

Now both unarmed, Arria led with a series of punches and a few kicks thrown in to try and put Alistair off-balance, but many mornings of training like this meant he was wise to many of her tactics. Not only that, but the two of them were exact opposites when it came to how their emotions changed how they fought: Arria lost control but gained power while Alistair became more precise and much quicker. The swing meant they two of them were now a much closer match, and the male Warden could easily keep up with his female counterpart. As they kept striking the other and each blow was blocked, even with Arria's injury, neither could gain an upper hand. She poured in all her feelings of shame, humiliation and hatred while Alistair used the helplessness, deep anger and determination to save her as they upped their intensity.

Zevran pulled the daggers free from him and stood, but chose to stay back and observe the two Wardens in combat as they struggled through to finding a resolution. He almost felt like an intruder as the two of them bared their souls to each other, showing their deepest emotions and needing the other to bring them back. It was a glimpse into the daily struggle they faced as a pair and the words Alistair had spoken to him quietly in the hallway came back to his mind.

"_She needs an outlet, but this time it is more than I can give her. I'm not strong enough to save her on my own yet, she needs a friend there too because I can't help but trigger her memories."_

_Ah my dear Wardens, it seems you are still not yet aware of just how entwined you are._

It wasn't long before the two Wardens came to a deadlock, their strengths giving out under the intense strain and their mental stamina wasn't yet high enough to keep up with the intensity. As they both began to tire, the months of captivity began to show on Arria and she was the first to truly feel her body giving up. The sensation combined with the memories at the edge of her mind caused her to involuntarily slip back to that cell for a few moments: of Howe's sickening grin as he looked at her broken and prone form, more than happy with his work. It was an image she could not purge from her mind no matter how she tried and with a shout of fury, shame and pure rage, she threw herself into a tackle with the last of her strength. Alistair couldn't quite get out of the way as her legs wrapped around his chest and she launched them both to the ground. The landing knocked all the wind out of Alistair and Arria collapsed on top of him, completely worn out.

The only sounds in the room for several minutes were the panting of the two Wardens as they tried to regain their strength, but it didn't take long for the pair of them to finally look each other in the eye. All of their emotions were on show with neither of them having the strength to conceal anything anymore, and both were shocked at the one which stood out most from the other. Alistair was amazed to see it was shame which dominated her expression, while his was overshadowed by guilt, only intensifying her own storm. With a choked sob she pushed off him and bolted from the room, leaving everything behind. Alistair was confused but lacked the strength to follow her, only just able to push himself up from the ground. That was one thing in which she would always have an edge over him: her recovery time was so much faster. When he managed to haul his aching body up into a sitting position, Zevran came and crouched next to him.

Alistair couldn't quite bring himself to look at the elf as he let his next words out. "It's my fault. I pushed too hard, even though I knew she wasn't ready for this and now she has taken this huge step backwards. Damn it…" he cursed softly.

Zevran regarded the other man carefully, seeing and hearing just how crushed he was. The Antivan's respect for his comrade increased drastically and he placed a hand upon Alistair's shoulder. "My friend, I do not believe for one second that our Dancer would have allowed such a thing, were it not something she wanted too. This is a most treacherous path you both must tread, with regards to the Blight and your relationship," observed the elf.

Alistair sighed deeply. "I just thought…we seemed to be moving in the right direction, and then something like this morning happens and I wonder just how much she has let me in. I still don't really know what happened, although from the look in her eyes…I-I wonder if I really want to. I've never seen her look so terrified." His whole body tensed and his fist was clenched tightly as he ground the next words out. "If I ever get my hands on Howe, I swear he is going to suffer a hundred-fold for what he has done to her."

Zevran stood and offered his hand to his companion. "I do not suppose you would wish for some company when that time comes? I know some extremely…painful techniques which I would enjoy unleashing on him."

The Warden recognised the carefully concealed hatred in the other's voice and attempted a half hearted smile in response as he stood with Zevran's help. "We've got to catch him first, that's the difficult bit."

"I am sure with my contacts I could manage something."

Alistair shook his head. "As much as I wish we could, we can't afford to spend the time hunting Howe. The Blight is our priority, and right now I think she needs that to focus on; the instant we can though, I fully intend on tearing him apart."

"Very well, I shall heed your advice on this matter, for you know her far better than I. Since we now have the chance, I feel there is something that you need to hear." Alistair turned to face him, curious. "You asked me to aid in this fight, feeling that Arria needed the aid of a friend more than she did you. Neither of you can see just how much your souls are a part of each other now. You need to have more confidence in your abilities…both of you."

Alistair's eyes narrowed as he recollected Arria's words from just after their meeting with Goldanna. She had told him the exact same thing: that he needed to believe in himself and do what was right by him more often. With his will hardened, he picked up her discarded blades as he went in search of the one person he believed Arria needed right now. As much as he wished it was him, things were still too raw between them: she needed someone who could be not only a listening ear, but also someone she felt she could be vulnerable in front of.

* * *

Arria sat with her knees curled up to her chest, her heart heavy as the sun finally began to turn and make its journey from the peak of the sky to the horizon. The look in Alistair's eyes had haunted her since their duel a couple of hours ago and intensified her own guilt and shame. _Why did I react that way with him this morning? Of all the times to completely lose it, why then? All because my lower legs were bare for once? What a stupid thing to cause it…and for that flashback to be so violent…_

_Alistair, I'm so sorry._

Silent tears rolled down her cheeks and she made no effort to remove them, even as she heard someone join her on the roof. She ignored them, hoping that the hint would be taken but when a soft voice called her name, she was surprised at the identity of her company. "Arria…" Tearful and despairing eyes looked up towards Elissa and the younger woman's own eyes welled up at seeing her normally strong friend so shaken. Without even waiting for Arria to let her know it was okay, Elissa dropped to her knees and embraced the Warden tightly. Arria didn't react to the closeness but gripped on tight, clinging to Elissa like a lifeline as she let her insecurities out. They stayed like that for several minutes until Elissa leant back, looking at the other woman gently. "Arria, what happened?"

Arria brushed away a few tears as she kept her eyes to the roof she sat upon. "If you knew to find me up here, I'm sure Alistair has already told you," she answered miserably.

Elissa watched her carefully. "Well, he said I might be the one person you could find some comfort in, then told me about this morning: or rather, his own twisted version of events I'm sure." The Nileesan woman's eyes lifted slightly, but she still couldn't look at her friend. "He said that he pushed too hard, even though you weren't ready for it, and it led to you having a violent flashback this morning."

Arria gasped and her heart clenched as she heard how he had perceived it, turning to finally face Elissa with eyes clouded by guilt and shame as she revealed what really happened. "No, Lissa. He didn't push me too hard. _I _was the one who wanted to keep pushing this morning, even when I knew I was already at my limit but it backfired. I got caught in a flashback I couldn't get out of, no matter how I tried. It felt so real…like I was right back there in that hall as I was-" She stopped herself short; Elissa shouldn't have to bear the knowledge of what happened. "Why…why does Alistair think it is his fault?"

"He saw you were already on the edge and wanted to stop: he feels that he should have known better than to take things further after you had been unsettled."

"Oh Lissa, it was so stupid. I just-I don't know why it happened now!"

"Arria, what was it that triggered you?"

Her cheeks coloured and her eyes became even duller. "I was still in one of the outfits I got from Leli yesterday. I never thought-It is so unbelievably pathetic…"

"I don't believe you. Please, Arria."

Tears began welling up again in Arria's eyes and she hugged her knees tighter in response. "I was in a skirt, Lissa. And when it dawned on me that one of my normal layers of protection was gone without me having been in control of it..."

A light went on in Elissa's eyes. "You panicked. Not having a sense of control over that guard being removed from you reminded you of what Howe did." A pitiful nod was her answer. "What was it you saw?" A frightened edge came to Arria's eyes and she shook her head, praying Elissa wasn't going to ask her to relive one of the most harrowing things she had been through but the younger woman took a hold of her hands and held her gaze. "Arria, you have to tell someone. Keeping it bottled up inside you is going to be self-destructive, and if you can't let Alistair in because he is a man then…maybe I can help. I can't empathise, but I can listen."

What she wasn't telling Arria was that she really wanted to know so she could reassure Alistair that he hadn't triggered a memory that had resembled their direct actions. She had seen just how crushed he was, but from the way he had described her flashback it had to be something severe.

Arria warred with herself internally, afraid to go back to that day and night of humiliation and agony, but the gentle way in which Elissa looked at her caused her resistance to crumble. The grip on Elissa's hands increased as Arria readied herself to reveal something she had never intended to voice. "It was in the seventh month of my captivity that Howe decided that he would…offer me up, to all of his men. I know that about a third of them declined the…invitation. He had me dressed up in probably the most humiliating outfit you could imagine and then chained me from the ceiling as his soldiers took their turns to see what they would be allowed to do to me. The sick bastard had concocted a 'wheel of fortune', and when the men came for their shot, they found out their reward for their services to him. Some fondled different areas of my body, sometimes I was just stripped and left to hang there as their eyes roamed all over me. About twenty of them…they were 'lucky' enough to be have the chance to rape me. If you thought being raped by a single man or small group was horrifying, you have no idea of the shame or humiliation as a hundred or so of them watch their comrade slowly break you." Her body shook with the force of remembering and echoes of the excruciating pain rippled through her as the memories came back, but this time under her control.

When arms wrapped around her in a tender hold, Arria didn't fight them, knowing they were female and thus not a danger. Elissa held her and let a few of her own tears escape as her mind tried to see what it was Arria had suffered, even though it was the last thing she wanted to imagine. They stayed locked together like that for the best part of half an hour before Arria managed to slowly get control of herself again. The trembling stopped, as did her tears but her mind seemed to be stuck on loop as she remembered. As she realised that Arria could finally speak again without the threat of losing herself to a memory, Elissa spoke again without releasing her. "Arria, there is something we need to discuss." The Warden nodded but didn't trust her own voice at the moment. "The original reason we came to Denerim was to seek out Brother Genitivi, a scholar who was studying the Urn of Sacred Ashes. Rod and I have found his address, but I think you and Alistair are the ones who really need to be there. It is the two of you that are so desperate to save Arl Eamon, and I think it will probably do the two of you the world of good to get out of here and put this morning out of your heads."

Arria nodded, accepting it was probably a very good idea and she had planned to start searching for Genitivi today. If Rod and Elissa had already discovered where it was he lived, they would be one step closer to saving Eamon and bringing about the demise of Loghain. Elissa pulled the daggers from behind her and Arria took back her weapons, having completely forgot about how she left them earlier. "This is the address, we'll be waiting for you there. I'll leave Carou and Hallai here so that when you are ready, you won't be wandering the streets alone. Take however long you need." With that, Elissa stood and left the female Warden to her thoughts. Arria stared at the daggers, seeing the reflection of herself within the polished metal. She seemed so different now compared to the woman of even yesterday. A sigh left her as she placed them upon her back and stared out into the city below her.

_Am I ever going to truly recover from this?_

As soon as Elissa made it back into Alistair and Arria's room, she dove for the nearest basket and emptied her stomach contents into it. Hearing what Arria had been subjected to had turned her stomach but she had been determined to not show it to her friend and make her feel even worse. Now that she was out of sight, Elissa let loose her own emotions and cried fiercely. When the door opened she looked towards it, seeing Rod on the other side. The knight had heard her re-enter and braced himself as Elissa ran at him full speed, throwing herself into his arms. He held her tightly as she poured her heart out. "I had no idea…" she spluttered out into his armour, hurting at how much Arria had been through.

When she turned her head, she gasped as she saw Alistair further down the hallway watching them. Her heart hurt as she saw how empty he looked and he turned away, focusing instead on the roof above him, as if he was trying to see Arria above him. His new armour shone in the sunlight but his whole posture spoke of defeat, as if he truly couldn't see a way forward after this.

_Where do they go from here?_

* * *

It was just under another half an hour before Arria eventually felt like dismounting the roof, and as promised, Carou and Hallai were waiting for her at the front of the tavern. The two Mabari already knew the way, having been shown it by Elissa earlier before she instructed them to wait for Arria. When the female Warden approached the address she could see four people outside: Rod, Elissa, Anders and Alistair. She gasped quietly at seeing Alistair's new armour and shield, which had been collected after their duel earlier in the morning. He was now adorning heavy chainmail, tinted gold on the plate sections while his shield was coloured in the same way. The most noticeable difference was that she could see the armour was made of many more parts than normal, no doubt Elissa's influence, to allow greater freedom of movement. She couldn't help but think how majestic he looked, or of how much he reminded her of Cailan. Even though he might be adamant they were completely different, she could see many resemblances between them since she knew of their shared blood. _Surely someone else has seen it…_she thought.

Rod was the first one to spot her and gave her a gentle smile as she approached, leading to the others greeting her. The only one who didn't was Alistair, and when he turned to face her the sadness in his eyes made her heart hurt, but what really made her pause was the guilt. Elissa hadn't been exaggerating when she described how he had seen this morning. Focusing all of her attention on him, she stepped up to hug him lightly, whispering in his ear as she did so. "It wasn't your fault. If anything, it was mine for asking you to keep going. Please, don't shy away from me: I need you, now more than ever. We knew this road was going to be a challenge but I hope you meant what you said to me last night. That you mean to help me recover."

His arms came around the embrace her after she finished speaking and she sighed in relief at the feeling: she was back where she belonged. "I meant every word," he whispered back, earning a small smile out of her. It was the first words they had exchanged since that morning and she realised now just how lonely it had been, knowing he had been there but neither could find the words to express how they had been feeling. "Maybe someday you can tell me what it was you saw." Elissa hadn't told him of her flashback, knowing he wasn't ready to hear it and Arria couldn't deal with him knowing the truth yet. That was for them to discover when the time was right.

"Someday," she replied, flashing a grateful smile to the other woman for keeping the secret. Elissa nodded and the two Wardens separated, feeling much better than they had since the events of a few hours ago. They shared a small smile just before Arria looked at the rest of their group. "So, what is the plan?"

"How about knocking on the door? Always a good start," suggested Anders, earning a few chuckles from the others.

Arria slapped him lightly on the arm. "I meant after that."

"I suppose we should ask him what he knows about the Urn. Maybe he has discovered some possible locations," said Rod.

"I guess that's all we can do at this stage. All right, let's go."

Arria knocked on the door, listening carefully to see if anyone was inside. She heard some rustling and the locks being released as a young man appeared at the door. "Yes? Who is it?"

"We are searching for a Brother Genitivi."

"Ah yes, you have come to the right place, but I am afraid Brother Genitivi is not here at the moment."

"I'm sorry, but who are you?"

"Oh, pardon me. I am Weylon, his assistant."

"Weylon, may we please come inside? I think this is a conversation not meant for all ears."

The man's eyes widened as he realised what it was that Arria was alluding to and allowed the whole party inside, keeping a wary eye on both the Mabari. He gave the two dogs a wide berth as he come to stand before the Wardens' group, now very nervous at having so many people inside at once. "You seek the Urn of Sacred Ashes."

"Yes, we do. What can you tell us of it?"

"Please, heed my advice on this matter and abandon your quest. It has brought nothing but misery since Genitivi began his hunt and now…Now he is missing. Has been for a long time in fact."

"Missing?" asked Elissa. This was the last thing they needed, Eamon's time was starting to run out.

"Indeed. I have had the knights of Redcliffe come by, searching for him too but all I could do was point them in the direction I know he headed. I asked them to let me know what they found, regardless of the result but that was a month ago. I can only think they fell foul of whatever took Genitivi."

The rest of them shared a look. This didn't sound good. "Weylon, where was it Genitivi was headed?"

"No! I refuse to allow you all to maybe sacrifice your lives on this senseless hunt when so many other have fallen. Please, forget all about it and search for another solution."

Arria noticed both Carou and Hallai move away from the group to the other end of the room but took minor notice, focusing instead on the young man before them. "Please, Weylon. Arl Eamon has no other hope, all other avenues have been examined and there is nothing that can be done to save him. The Urn is now the only chance he has of being saved."

His posture slumped in defeat. "Very well, if you insist. Brother Genitivi told me he was headed to the Spoiled Princess, on the shores of Lake Calenhad. That is all I can tell you."

"Thank you, Weylon." Carou and Hallai both began scratching at a door at the other end of the room and Carou barked at Arria to get her attention. The Nileesan woman was ready to tell him to be quiet, but she soon realised that it was not only her hound that was taking an interest in the contents of that room.

"One Mabari I could put down to curiosity. Two of them…" stated Elissa, following the same line of thinking as Arria.

The female Warden's eyes hardened. "What is it you are hiding in there?"

Weylon's eyes widened. "I…have no idea what you are talking about." Feeling the piercing eyes of her group upon him and realising his secret was out, the man whipped out his staff, only to be struck down by a blast of rock from behind Alistair.

The others turned around to see Anders shrug his shoulders. "I'm a mage, I know the signs of magic better than you guys do. Nice spot there, Arria."

"Thank the Mabari, he had me fooled," admitted the Nileesan woman, surprised that she hadn't seen through his lies. "He's obviously had a lot of practice." They approached the door and both women petted their dogs in gratitude as Arria picked the lock. As soon as the door was open, a vile smell met their nostrils.

"Ugh, what is that smell?" asked Rod, feeling his stomach turning at the intense smell.

Arria's instincts were screaming that she knew what it was but even so, when she turned the corner her heart sank. "Oh no…" Inside was a body, rotting away in the corner.

"What the…who is that?" asked Anders.

"My guess is, he's the real Weylon," suggested Alistair sadly. Arria nodded in agreement and approached the body with him slowly. As they crouched to take a closer look at him, Arria picked up a journal lying next to him and began thumbing through its pages. "My guess is he's been dead for at least a couple of weeks, maybe even a month," he said while gathering a sheet from the other side of the room and covering the body.

"Alistair, look at this." He joined Arria and looked through what she had found in the journal, directing him to one section. When his eyes widened in surprise, her suspicions were confirmed. "Let me guess, you've never heard of it either?"

"No, never. What…?"

"I think Genitivi might well have been on the right track, and this imposter was sent here to make sure that no-one else would follow in his footsteps."

"Which begs the question of whether he is even still alive…" Alistair growled in frustration and kicked an empty box nearby. Arria shared his feelings, it seemed this whole quest to save Eamon was one setback after another.

"What is it you two?"

Arria turned to Elissa and looked at the other two members of their party as well. "Have any of you ever heard of Haven? It is apparently a small town on the western border of Ferelden. Look here." She showed them the map of Ferelden drawn in the journal and where Haven was marked on it.

"Nothing, it doesn't even ring the smallest bell," stated Elissa and the others shook their heads as they looked through it.

"Maybe it used to be a village and doesn't exist anymore?" suggested Anders.

"Or maybe it is still there in secret, guarding the Urn," added Rod.

"Either way, this is where we need to go next. Talk about a detour…It would take us over a week going by the southern road, but because we have to head north because of the Blight-"

"It'll probably be closer to two, maybe even two and a half weeks before we get there. I think we will have to stop by Redcliffe on the way, let Bann Teagan and Arlessa Isolde know what is going on. We're running awful close to the month deadline that Morrigan deduced and we should see if Eamon has declined."

The Wardens both nodded at the knight, knowing he was right but having mixed feelings about returning to Redcliffe. Or more specifically, facing Isolde again. Maker knew whether she still hated them over what had happened with Connor. If she did it could make their reunion uncomfortable to say the least.

With their next destination planned, the group left the house to return to the tavern, but en route they were called upon by a familiar voice. Arria was the first to find him and greeted the soldier. "Kylon! What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, taking note of the seriousness in the man's eyes.

"Loghain knows you are here," he answered shortly. Everyone's eyes widened as he continued. "Don't ask me how, but you were spotted by another sergeant as he was wandering through here two days ago, he only realised yesterday just why he thought the two of you looked familiar. Loghain has issued orders for your arrest, and failing that your deaths. He also intends to seal the city to make sure you can't escape. I can stop my men from hunting you here, but you will maybe have an hour before you are trapped. You need to get out of here now."

It took Arria seconds to realise just how seriously their situation had turned and directed Anders to warn everyone back at the tavern while Elissa and Rod escorted Bodahn and Sandal out as soon as possible. She crouched, telling Carou to search for Morrigan and guide her to meet them outside of the city while taking Hallai with him. As they all ran, she faced the sergeant and gave him a brief hug. "Thank you, for all you have done for us."

Kylon smiled at her as he shook Alistair's hand. "It is the least I can do after you saved my family. Please, go. If the two of you are caught then all hope of ending this Blight dies with you."

The two Wardens nodded and made it back to the tavern just as they found Anders explaining to Wynne, Zevran and Leliana. A quick nod to the three of them confirmed the seriousness of the situation and they scattered to gather their things. It would probably only take them ten minutes to get out of the city from here at a run, but they had to make sure that Bodahn was clear first or else the dwarf might be caught in a skirmish. It would take him at least half an hour to be out and clear, leaving them not much time to escape themselves. Alistair gathered all of Rod and Elissa's things as Arria packed their own after informing Sten of the turn of events. With everyone's equipment gathered and packed in Bodahn's wagon within the first ten minutes, she sent Wynne and Leliana to help Elissa and Rod as they began their flight. The others took to the alleys as they hid from any patrols, making sure not to draw any attention to themselves before the time came to make a break for it. Counting the minutes off in her head, Arria nodded to all those remaining when they reached thirty minutes after the first half of their group had left and they took to the side streets, keeping out of sight as best they could as they ran for the western wall.

It seemed fate was not on their side for they were not even half distance when they were spotted by a patrol of soldiers and the alarm was raised. With the secret out, they began a furious race for survival. Alistair and Sten led the way as Anders, Zevran and Arria covered their backs. The qunari and the male Warden carved a path through the patrols as the others tried to make sure they weren't followed. With all the fighting, their pace had slowed by almost half and they were now extremely conscious of the deadline when the gate should close. Realising that time was fast running out, Arria and Anders told the rest of them to hit the deck as they used their magic. Arria directed it at the buildings behind them and destroyed enough of them so as not to compromise the stability of the structures themselves, but left a trail of debris that would take a long time to clear or even to climb. Anders threw a lightning storm ahead and cleared the way of all the soldiers, casting a magic shield right after it to protect their group as they headed through the tempest.

Once they were clear of that hold up, both magic wielders used their skills strategically to cut off points of ambush and where they could be followed as they headed for the exit. It allowed them to make up time and arrived at the gate just as they were preparing to shut it. Sten and Zevran were the first to charge in and take care of the soldiers as Alistair went for the ones in charge of closing the portcullis. Arria and Anders aimed for the archers on the wall above, covering their companions as they cleared the way. Alistair stopped the portcullis from closing and held the winch in position as the rest of the soldiers were defeated. With the path forward open to them, Zevran, Sten and Anders all ducked under the gap and engaged those set on guard duty on the other side. Arria helped Alistair keep the winch locked as the rest of them made it through but both were forced to abandon it when a mage attacked and Alistair hauled them out of the way. The portcullis slammed to the ground, trapping the Wardens in the city as they saw more patrols approaching.

Both stood and engaged the troops which came near, working together to make sure neither of them were out-flanked as Anders helped as best he could from behind the steel impediment. Arria threw one of the swords from a downed soldier and aimed it at the mage, killing him in one blow. Both were mystified as to why there would be mages among the guard, but it didn't take them too long to figure it out when they had the chance to examine the crest which the soldiers bore. Arria's lungs froze as she recognised it and her eyes drifted to the back of the vast numbers of men to see the very man who had broken her: Arl Howe, standing there as smug as ever. She snarled as she realised of course he would be here. The Right of Conscription was the only reason he had lost his pet, he knew she was now a part of the Wardens and Loghain knew what she and Alistair looked like. If he had found out she was in the city, he wasn't going to pass up a chance to claim her again.

Alistair saw the change and followed her line of sight to find Howe amongst his men. His blood boiled at the sight of the man but he knew this was not the time for a fight, this time they had to flee. With just the two of them they didn't have a hope of survival against a force that large. "Arria. Arria, look at me!" he urged, snapping her out of her daze and bringing her focus back to their dilemma. "We need to get out of here, can you Shift us through that gate?" Her eyes flickered, unsure that she could but the look in his own gave her some small reassurance. "You've already saved us with your Shifting before, you can do it again."

The burning in her arm from the wound she hadn't had healed from this morning reminded her just what could happen if it went wrong, and her mind wasn't focused at the moment. If her concentration slipped while they were moving through the steel and reformed halfway… "Alistair, I don't know if I can," she whispered, all confidence in her skills fleeing as her eyes fell involuntarily to Howe once again, his sadistic smirk chilling her to the core.

"Arria, you've got to. It's the only chance we have."

Knowing he was right, she guided them as far as she needed so that she could get enough speed for the pair of them, temporarily freezing when Howe emerged to the front of his men. Anders watched from the gate, exhausted and out of mana as Zevran joined him, trying to think a way out for the Wardens. "So, this is where you have ended up. I must admit, when I found out you had been conscripted I assumed you died at Ostagar. Yet here you are, one of the last two Wardens in Ferelden! Oh the irony of it all, a broken shell of a woman is what we 'need' to save us. And of all the others to survive, it had to be the bastard son of the last King." Both Wardens' eyes widened as Alistair's secret was revealed, but neither realised at that point just who was listening. They realised soon after that Loghain would have told Howe about him: he probably thought Alistair was the last one who could threaten his rule with Eamon dying, and of course would want him eliminated. "So, what's it to be? Fight here and maybe try and get yourselves killed before I have the pleasure of your company…" Arria's stomach twisted as she knew just what he would do to them. "Or surrender and pray that Loghain only gives me one of you while killing the other? Either way, you, my pet, are coming with me. Whether there is a spectator to our games is entirely up to you."

Arria took a firm hold of Alistair's hand, feeling the revulsion roll off him as he began to realise just how sick and twisted Howe was. Hearing from her experience was one thing, but seeing him boast about it here was another thing entirely. The grip they shared was almost painful but her resolve hardened as she realised he wanted to see both of them break under torture, and she would rather they both died by her hand first than give him that chance. "I'll take my option, Howe. Escape and kill you when we return."

The pair of them ran for the portcullis as fast as they could, Anders and Zevran backing away as they realised what she was about to attempt. Howe watched in shock as they dove at the structure, holding onto each other tightly as Arria Shifted and prayed she could hold it all the way through. They emerged on the other side unharmed and tumbled to the ground, being helped to their feet by their comrades. Howe let loose a shout of fury at losing his prize and ordered his archers to fire, but they couldn't reach the group in time.

As they sped off into the distance, away from the city and into the wilderness he snarled. He knew he would have another chance, and when it came by, he wasn't going to let her slip away again. He had big plans for her: plans that would not only destroy her, but the would-be-king at her side. By the time he was through with them, Ferelden's last Wardens would be nothing more than hollow shells, begging for death.

* * *

Ugh…that was a tough write for more than one reason. Please let me all know what you thought, it is a big change from recently. Next update shortly!

Negative Angel


	33. The Broken and The Wounded

Wow, that last chapter was incredibly popular, that's the most comments I've had in months! Thank you so much to **Melysande, urthlvr, Kid-X, Eve Hawke** and **Lady Mimzy** for leaving me with your thoughts: it always boosts my confidence the more feedback I get.

Now, after the small confrontation of last time I bet you are all wanting to see the aftermath. It's another emotional one, but for more than one reason.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

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**Chapter 32: The Broken and the Wounded**

It was only a couple of miles down the road that the rest of the group had paused, waiting for their companions to rejoin them. Carou met them on the road with Hallai and the two Mabari led them to their sheltered campsite. Sten had marched on ahead, taking no notice of transpired behind him while Zevran, Anders and Alistair had been trying to work out how to reassure Arria. Once they had managed to outrun Howe, the gravity of the situation had crashed down upon her and she had suddenly withdrawn to a point where none of them knew how to bring her back. Her eyes were completely shadowed and as soon as any of them came within two feet of her, she froze and moved away to a safe distance. Even Alistair hadn't managed to get close and he just didn't know what to do.

Arria had moved silently and timidly as they made their way to their camp, acutely aware of the glances each of them had given her as time kept moving on. Even letting them within touching distance was too much right now as Howe sadistic smirk haunted her vision, no matter how much she tried to purge it. Memories were threatening to overwhelm her and sometimes she couldn't tell the difference between her companions and the men who had abused her during her captivity. Still, it served a comfort having the three of them around her, even if she couldn't yet let them near. She had only met each of their eyes once, and each time had helped her slightly. Anders had shown understanding and compassion, recognising the look well even though hers was more severe than he was used to seeing. Zevran's look had been incredibly gentle and reassuring; even with her emotions frazzled she could interpret his silent promise that he wouldn't let a situation like that arise again if he could help it. As much as she had wanted to smile in gratitude, her muscles could not obey to display even the tiniest curve of her lips.

Arria had been reluctant to meet Alistair's eyes but she needed to see what it was he was concealing, knowing his reaction would be the most telling of all. When their eyes had met, she almost wanted to cry at what she found. He had kept his emotions as carefully masked as he could, instead showing all the love he held for her. Even through all of that, she could still see the odd shimmer of fury as he finally got a sense of just what is was she had suffered. Hearing her experiences had been one thing, but seeing and hearing just what Howe intended to do if he ever managed to get his hand on her…If she could have handled the contact, she would have been in his arms in seconds seeking the comfort they so often afforded her, but until she could face it, she knew she was going to have to suffer alone and in silence.

Just before they reached the camp, Arria took off into the trees, knowing where to return when she finally felt like she could face them. It was one thing to be vulnerable in front of all those with her, but there was still some people she couldn't quite deal with being so exposed in front of. Alistair stopped and watched her go, having expected this for a while but it still hurt knowing she couldn't let him close yet. Facing Howe so unexpectedly had come as a tremendous shock to her and he had been so proud of how she defied him, even then where she was seemingly cornered with no chance of escape. But when they had got far enough away and they were out of danger, her true emotions had come to the fore and it was crushing to see her so lost and unsure of herself.

It didn't take long for him to sense a presence beside him and despite thinking it might be Elissa, he was surprised to see Wynne. With his mental state a complete mess, he didn't have the energy to get angry with her and looked down at her hand questioningly when it came to rest on his arm. "Go to her, Alistair. You are the greatest comfort that young woman has, and she is yours. I do not know what has happened, but I recognise the way in which she ran. She is terrified and needs someone to be her protector, even if she doesn't realise you are there."

He was rendered speechless for a few seconds, his head at last accepting that Wynne maybe was truly remorseful for her earlier actions. Feeling he could maybe start to forgive her for her actions, he smiled gratefully and took off into the trees, looking for Arria.

Elissa was the first to meet the rest as they reached the camp but noticed Alistair watching the trees sadly, grabbing Anders as he came closer. "What on Thedas happened?" she asked desperately, having been worried at the time it had taken them to reach the camp.

Anders sighed deeply. "Let's just say the escape didn't quite go as planned…"

The young woman looked at him puzzled for a couple of seconds before she saw Wynne approach Alistair. When he vanished into the distance, she knew something was wrong. "Tell me everything."

* * *

Knowing Arria well enough to get an idea of where she might be hiding, Alistair kept his gaze to the tops of the trees. She had always found some solace in the height and shelter it offered but this area was vast. It could be hours before he found her if she had gone as far as he suspected, but he was shocked to find her within the first ten minutes of his search. High up above him he could see the flash of black which gave her away, but he had no idea how it was she had got there. The tree itself was made up of slender branches and they looked like they might break under any substantial weight. Suspecting her elven blood gave her a lightness to her feet which he didn't possess, he sat at the base of the tree and turned his gaze upwards to watch her. Remembering the last time this had happened brought back bittersweet memories: of a night of sorrow in which they had both mourned the boy which they had failed to save, but it was that moment that had brought them together. It seemed to sum up their journey very well. Times of joy and sorrow woven together, but it was their choice which emotion would be the dominant one.

A gentle hand on his neck surprised him and the soft smile he received upon facing her made him feel slightly lighter. "Has she moved from that spot since you found her?" Elissa asked, sitting in front of him.

"Only to shift her discomfort, nothing else," answered Alistair, shifting his focus back to the woman in the tree.

Elissa watched him carefully and took his hand, drawing his attention back to her. "Are you okay? I know everyone has been focusing on Arria with what happened, but you were there in that confrontation too, and I think they keep forgetting that it affects you just as much as her."

He chuckled bitterly. "Who told you?"

"Anders, after I wouldn't take no for an answer, and don't think that I'm not going to back off with you, either. What is on your mind?"

Alistair sighed deeply, watching her curiously as she shifted to sit next to him and weave her arm around his. It didn't long for her soft, but persistent stare to break down the little walls he had left and he rested his head against the tree, letting his thoughts out for the first time. "I thought I had got a sense of it, what Arria had been through. I know I can never truly understand, but I thought I had seen at least some of it and helped her work past it. Now, after what happened…I realise I knew nothing, and I think she hasn't moved past it at all. She's on the verge of losing all the progress she has made and I don't know how to stop it."

Elissa hugged his arm tighter at hearing the hopelessness in his voice. "None of us expected to run into Howe so soon, least of all Arria and I'll bet just coming face-to-face with him as a free woman has caused a lot of things she hasn't faced yet to come to the surface. I heard what she did. It took a lot of courage to stand up to him like that and openly defy him rather than just running." Alistair nodded but Elissa was at a loss on how to make him feel and better. Realising that maybe sitting here so close but so far from Arria was possibly the worst thing he could be doing, she hauled him up to his feet. "Head back to the camp, sitting here is only making your thoughts spin into an ever increasing darkness. Go help with the set-up, we aren't going to be leaving until tomorrow anyway and I'll bring Arria back with me." When he opened his mouth to argue she raised a finger. "Ah! No arguments here. Arria isn't the only one struggling to cope." She could see the defeat and reluctance in his gaze and smiled reassuringly. "I'll make sure she is okay, and I promise I will come and get you if I'm wrong."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but her words must have connected with him on some level for he nodded in acceptance. With a gentle smile she winked at him and grabbed one of the branches, using it to swing her way up the tree until she finally found one that could bear her weight if she stood on it. Alistair watched his with wide eyes. "How is it you girls can do that?"

Elissa smirked. "No offense meant here, Alistair, but we are a lot lighter and more flexible than you. We can do things that guys can't." He shook his head and began to walk away, stealing one last glance at Arria and wishing she would look down. Hoping Elissa could bring her back to them, he left and tried to turn his mind somewhere else.

The raven-haired woman had watched him go, noting the heaviness of his every step as he struggled through his emotions. At the moment, as much as she wanted to help him, Arria needed the help more. Everyone back at the camp could help the male Warden, it was his female counterpart who was going to be the challenge to get through to. Elissa slowly climbed her way up, trying not to alarm Arria with any sudden moves and came to a stop just beneath her. It seemed the Nileesan woman had not noticed her at all, such was the conflict in her own mind, and Elissa edged along the branches until she could haul herself up onto the one Arria sat upon. It was more than thick enough to take their weight, but even so Elissa waited to make sure it was secure before she inched closer to the other woman. Arria's sat against the tree and one of her legs hung down as she hugged her other knee, resting her head upon it. The darkness in her eyes made Elissa want to cry and she paused, trying to think of the way to least spook Arria as she came out of her thoughts.

"Arria?"

When she chose to look down even more, Elissa sighed quietly. Hoping she wasn't going to completely frighten her and cause her to fall, the Ferelden woman gently brushed her fingers over Arria's arm, making sure she didn't feel her nails. As it was, Arria still yanked her arm back and curled into the side of the tree, looking at Elissa with scared eyes. Taking a closer look, Elissa realised that Arria was still caught between the past and the present: no doubt she expected something violent or abusive to happen after being touched. She reached out and tenderly gripped one of Arria's hands, hoping the gentle touch would connect with her. "Arria, come back. You aren't trapped there anymore."

The other woman was about to fight back when the softness of the other hands took her notice. They were small, smooth and gentle: so unlike the hands which had tormented her. Her eyes cleared slightly as she looked at the younger woman. "Elissa?"

Elissa sighed in relief and took her other hand, gripping them lightly. "Yes, it's me. Howe is long gone, you got away from him again. He is _never _going to hurt you ever again, none of us will let him." Tear filled eyes dropped away and Elissa pulled on her hands, hoping to entice her into opening up. "Where were you? That didn't look like a memory." Arria started shaking her head but Elissa gripped slightly tighter. "Please Arria, we don't want to lose you to whatever it is that is so close to consuming you. Come back, and let us inside you again."

Arria let a few of her tears slip and swallowed back on the bile which had been building in her throat ever since they had left Denerim. Howe's last words had haunted her and the sickening twist which had settled in her stomach tightened further as the images which had been clouding her mind came roaring back. Elissa could see she was losing her again and let go of one of her hands to lock their eyes together. She had watched both the Wardens enough to know that was how they kept each other grounded and she prayed it could help Arria regain control. The fear there was enormous, but what really struck Elissa was the determination there too. "How much were you told?" she asked in a small voice.

"That Howe showed up and cornered the two of you before your Fade Shifting got you out trouble. Was there something else that happened?"

"Did they tell you what Howe said?"

"No…"

Arria took in a deep breath, steadying herself as best she could before she revealed why she couldn't let anyone near since they had fled. "Howe…he asked us whether we would fight or surrender, and he made it very clear that we were to be taken alive rather than dead. He said-" She choked on the words momentarily. "He said that…regardless of events, he was going to take me, but if we fought rather than surrendered that…there would be a 'spectator' to what he wanted to do to me." All the colour drained from Elissa's face as the meaning sunk in. "He must already have something planned! If he ever catches us then…"

"Oh Arria…" Elissa scooted as close as she could and encouraged Arria to move her leg so that she could move in right next to her. The loneliness and the despair overrode her want to keep people at a distance and she shifted her leg to rest next to her other. As soon as she was within reach, Elissa pulled Arria towards her and embraced the trembling woman as she burst into tears. The younger woman held her close and let a few of her own tears fall, her heart hurting as she got a glimpse into just how broken Arria still was, but the fact that she could let someone so close was a tribute to how far she had come. Her hands stroked Arria's hair and cradled her head as the Nileesan woman began to slowly release all of the emotions she had concealed since their escape. Compounded with the events of that morning, it was pushing her to her limits.

"I won't let Howe take him." Elissa pulled back at the harsh statement and looked at Arria again, a coldness having settled over her eyes. "From what Howe said, he knows that Alistair and I share a deep connection, perhaps he even knows we are a couple. Regardless of how and what he knows, I will never let him near. I think he knows physically he couldn't break Alistair but mentally and emotionally…I am his weakness, and if Howe forced him to watch as he raped me…"

"It would destroy him. Alistair would do anything to save you, just like you would do anything to protect him." Elissa's hand came to rest on Arria's necklace and one of Arria's own settled next to it, both tracing along the outlines of the petals. "There is one thing I think the two of you are forgetting. Neither of you are alone in this. They would have to get through all of us first before they could get near you. The two of you are the most important people in Thedas right now, because you are the only ones who can stop the Blight. We would all willingly die to see the two of you succeed in saving the world from this horror, for if Ferelden falls there would be no stopping it."

Arria drew in a shuddering breath and gripped onto Elissa again, so thankful for her reassurance. Sometimes it all just seemed like too much: the Blight, overcoming her memories, running as fugitives, the new steps she and Alistair were taking…Having someone to talk through it all with and help her see that she is not as alone as she sometimes felt, with all the obstacles she had to overcome, helped immeasurably. Elissa's hold in response was gentle, letting Arria take all she needed. When the Dancer finally started to let go, Elissa pulled back and looked down at the ground. "There is a small lake with a waterfall not far from here. I've brought your things if you want to use it."

It seemed Elissa understood better than Arria gave her credit for and correctly guessed that she had the intense need to wash and rid herself of the feel of being used, even it was just phantoms. After receiving instructions from the other woman, Arria nimbly descended the tree and headed over there, anxious to feel more like herself again. When she arrived she stood there for a time to just take in the surroundings.

The lake was very small, only about twenty metres in length and from the colour of the water it wasn't very deep, but the small waterfall that accompanied it drew Arria's attention. She wandered over and saw a cavern behind, well concealed and quite roomy. Unwilling to change in the open, she dove in quickly to try and stop her clothes getting soaked and slipped out of her gear. A hiss escaped her as she slid into the icy water but the pricking against her skin helped to anchor her to the present rather than let her slip into the past. Taking the soap and washcloth she had extracted from her pack, she waded into the centre and began scrubbing her skin hard. Not since the day Duncan had freed her had she felt so dirty and used, even though it was only the ghosts and memories she was trying to wash away rather than something physical this time. Her skin burned from where she rubbed too hard but she didn't care; she didn't even bat an eyelid when the water around her began to be tinged red with her blood. _I just need to be free…_

A rustling in the trees caught her attention and even though the water rose to her shoulders and completely concealed her, she ducked further under it still. Her breathing froze and her heart started pounding at being so vulnerable. Just before she was about to start swimming back for the waterfall a quiet voice disturbed the silence and she instantly relaxed. "Arria?"

Knowing the voice as well as her own, she called out to him softly. "I'm here, Alistair." He emerged from the shadows with his own pack and their tent, bringing a soft smile to her lips: clearly he had realised she would not want to be around company tonight. His cheeks coloured as he realised the situation and rather than feel uncomfortable as she expected, a small laugh escaped her. Seeing him be his usual self brought a great comfort and she moved through the water carefully towards the shore. Alistair was surprised and sat on the edge as she came closer, eventually stopping a couple of feet away. Her shoulders were all he could see above the water and he was amazed that she felt secure enough to be this close to him considering all that was concealing her was the water; after the events of the day which had undoubtedly thrown her emotions into total chaos, it was a true achievement.

Alistair could see when their eyes met that some of her shadows were starting to recede, the lake helping enormously but when he saw the red which began to surround her, his concern hit new heights. "Arria, what's happened to you?" he asked.

Arria followed his gaze and tried furiously to come up with an explanation other than the true one. Taking the washcloth which was still under the water she rubbed the wound on her arm frantically, carefully biting back a yelp of pain when she reopened her wound. She couldn't control the wince which escaped her as she brought it out of the arm to show him, her bandages now coloured red with the blood. "It's just this. Guess I should have had Wynne or Anders heal it before I came in here."

His eyes watched her carefully for a few seconds before they came to rest on her arm. He took a hold of it tenderly and Arria breathed an internal sigh of relief as he analysed the wound. "I might have believed you, were this not bleeding so badly that it is about to seep through the entire bandage. From the amount it is bleeding, the water around you would be showing it a lot more." Her eyes dropped to the water in shame as she was found out, but a gentle kiss to the back of the hand he held caught her attention again. "Please, Arria. If you can't then I won't push but-Arria you are hurt and I want to know how I can fix it."

The pained edge to his voice was what undid her and after a few seconds she brought her other arm out of the water slightly, letting him see the redness of where she had nearly scrubbed her skin raw. His eyes widened and he could now clearly see the redness on her shoulders as well as around the base of her neck. Her voice cracked as she told him the truth. "I can still feel their hands on me, Howe's men. Seeing him again…I can't stop it, the memories. I had to do something to try and rid myself of them. The strange thing is, I don't even feel it."

Alistair could see how much the admission hurt her and wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, but that was something that couldn't be accomplished until she was out of the water. Kissing the back of the hand he still held, he stood and started setting up their tent. Arria smiled through sudden tears, so grateful that he didn't ask anymore and she dove back under the water to try and attempt to get clean, even if her skin was now free of all the grime and muck. The phantoms were still there and until she felt them lessen their grip, she couldn't yet leave the security of the lake. His eyes scanned the area for her clothes and was confused when he couldn't find them. Only after looking for several minutes did he eventually find the cavern behind the waterfall. Finding a candle in his pack and a glass jar, he lit it once behind the waterfall and placed it on a high ledge so that it shouldn't be extinguished by the spray, retreating into their tent after he was done. When Arria re-emerged in there ten minutes later, blood still running down her skin, she used the washcloth to soak up the worst of it. The wound on her arm could not be fixed until later but it was her breasts that needed the most care. Her scars had been agitated by her rough movements and she knew she couldn't wear her wrap without the blood seeping through to her clothes.

Sighing in frustration, she pulled a roll of bandage from her pack and began wrapping it around herself. It was awkward doing it alone, but there was no-one she felt comfortable asking to help her. With the wrappings secured as best she could, she tried to tie her wrap, growling when it could no longer tie around the back of her neck. She reached into her pack again and examined the wraps she had received from Leliana, settling on the red one. It the blood started seeping through on that one at least it would be less obvious than the others, she could just put it down to a damp patch. She panicked as she realised she was just shy, but to stretch further would cause too much pain. Swallowing back on the momentary panic, she slipped into the rest of her clothes quickly and gathered the rest of her gear. Once she looked around to see she was alone, she placed everything she could carry just outside their tent, diving back into the cavern for the rest of it. After that was done she picked up the red wrap and took a few breaths to steady her racing heart. This was huge leap she was being forced to take and with her heart already in such turmoil, she was severely tempted to put up with the agonising pain she would cause herself in the attempt to tie it, but then she would _need _healing from one of the mages, at this point she could be fixed with some bandages and a poultice. Knowing this was the only reasonable option, she peeled away the canvas.

Alistair's eyes rose to meet her and his lungs froze when she stepped inside. The bandages on her arm were now soaked through with blood and it was starting to snake its way along her skin while the rest of her skin was rubbed red, some patches bleeding just under the top layer of her skin where she had scrubbed too hard. What really caught his attention however was the wrappings around her chest. They were clumsily done, not too surprising considering she had done them herself, but there were small patches of red starting to seep through where they covered her breasts. Now he realised why she had been trying to desperately to conceal the real reason she had been bleeding in the lake. He could see her fear as he stared at her, but rather than allowing her to dwell on it, he held out his hand to take the wrap which she was holding.

Arria let out a noticeable breath of relief as he stopped analysing her and gave him the material, sitting in front of him as fumbled to help her tie it. She smiled timidly at his attempts to not hurt her and guided his hands to get it in the right position and shape. When it came to the actual tying of the sash she bit back a yelp of pain as best she could but Alistair still noticed it. He didn't slacken the wrap but paused as the pain receded. Arria nodded sharply when she was ready and this time when she groaned at the stinging sensation he didn't stop, knotting it as best he could. It took a minute or so before the pain lessened to a point where she could move with relative freedom and kissed his cheek briefly as she disappeared back out of their tent. Sensing that this time she might not want to be alone, he followed to see her sitting at the edge of the lake.

Arria was brushing her hair slowly, trying to not agitate her wounds too much when she felt Alistair sit next to her. Her smile was small but grew when he ran his fingers through her wet hair, sighing in pleasure when he starting rubbing her scalp in a way which made her want to melt. He chuckled at how she leant into his touch, so thankful that she could stand him being close again and kissed her cheek lightly. "Will you let me help you, Arria?" he asked, running his fingers through her caramel locks again.

Her eyes widened in surprise but she nodded, turning slightly so that he could reach all of the hair she had yet to untangle. He growled when he found a couple of stubborn bits and she laughed lightly. "My hair is just like me, it takes a little while to get there and has a bit of trouble on the way. Just be patient with it," she informed him with a gentle smile. Trying again, he used slower strokes and slowly the tangles came free. When it was finished, Alistair handed her back the brush so that she could style it while he fetched some more bandages and a couple of health poultices.

To her great surprise, he also came back with a small lyrium potion. He shrugged saying, "Wasn't sure what you needed," as he sat again and handed her the smaller items while he got to work on the bandages. She winced as the wet ones were removed and they could see the full extent of the injury: the slash was long and deep, but it was now also wider from where Arria had deliberately agitated it. Taking one of the poultices off her, he placed it on the open wound and she drew in a shuddering breath as it started to work. Ripping the top off the other one, she downed it in one and sighed in relief as it began to ease her discomfort significantly. The scars on her chest also began to heal as the deep gouge in her arm starting to fix itself. When the bleeding finally stopped, Alistair wrapped it with the utmost care, being extra careful not to hurt her in any way. A tender smile appeared at how he tended to her and when he was finished, she lifted her arm so that she could take a hold of his hands.

When their eyes met, both stopped hiding their true emotions and let the other one see just how afraid they were, though Alistair didn't realise that her concern was split between the two of them. Knowing she might not be ready for anything more than this, he was prepared to enter their tent but she stopped him with a gentle hand to his cheek. His eyes gave away that he was surprised she could initiate contact and she was surprised at herself, but now that her mind was focused more on the present she could let him in again. He drew in a deep breath as she connected their lips, the first time they had connected like this since her flashback of the morning and within seconds the gesture went from tentative to desperate and needing. They needed to feel the other at this moment, to realise that despite everything which had happened today, they had overcome the hardship.

Arria was the first to move and settled herself in Alistair's lap, her arms locking around his neck as he fisted his hands in her wet hair. This was far different than the other emotional kisses they had shared, for this time they needed the comfort of knowing they were both safe, as well as losing themselves in each other. This was reality: they were safe together and no memories, nightmares or what if's could change that. The images which had been haunting them moth for the day fled from their minds as they slowly lost themselves in their connection, fear and insecurity disappearing as their love began to dominate.

When they eventually broke apart to take a gulp of air, Alistair's hands shifted to encircle to base of her back. She felt him tip her backwards and she let him, gasping when his lips instead shifted to her neck. Just when she thought he couldn't possibly be any more gentle, his touch was so tender that her heart felt like bursting with emotion. An shiver passed through her from the temperature but he misinterpreted it. Arria held his face as he pulled away and let him see into her eyes, assuring him that this was what she wanted, what she _needed. _"It's not you I'm shivering at, it's the cold."

Nodding in acknowledgment, he allowed her to stand and between them, they managed to get all of her things back inside the tent. With the emotion having lifted slightly, he seemed apprehensive when Arria approached him again, remembering the disastrous outcome of this morning. "Arria-"

"Alistair, I can see what you are thinking, but please. Help me remember a touch which isn't abusive: I want your hands to become the memory that comes to my mind first. They are still there, I can feel them, but it is you that keeps them away. Please, don't stop because of one setback. I _need _this."

Seeing the truth in her eyes and the trust she held in him, he pulled her close as their lips connected again. He held her close as he slowly leant back, eventually guiding her to lie on top of him as they surrendered to the emotions building between them. Everything was so incredibly raw that every small gesture they shared gave them comfort and helped to banish the calamity of the day gone by. Limits weren't going to be pushed, but there was more than enough they could do to reassure each other. Hands did not stay idle for long and hers began to trace the strong muscles of his arms as his fingers ran along her waist. Her breath caught slightly when he reached a tender point just at the base of her back and he responded by stroking the area while kissing her senseless. Fire ran through her as his touch set her skin alive, but she managed to break the kiss and shift instead to his jaw, peppered the edge of his face with slow, gentle gestures.

It wasn't long before he felt his control slipping and he knew this was as far as they could go. There could be no pushing things, not after all they had been through today and his hands slowed to a soothing rub as he tried to calm things down. Arria sighed but knew he was right to stop things now. She wanted the feelings of joy to keep coursing through her, rather than face the demons which were waiting for her as she faced the events of the day again. As they finally came to a stop, Arria shifted so that she was no longer lying on top of him but alongside him instead. She curled up on his chest and smiled slightly when his arms held her close. It was a position which would always hold great comfort for them: this was where they had found security in each other from the start of their journey.

They let the silence reign for what felt like an age before Arria sat up and left their tent again. Alistair was slow in following but did so anyway, not wanting her to be too far away. When he emerged he found her pounding a nearby tree with her fists, trying to pour out the emotions which had crept up on her again. He sighed at the sight and stepped next to her, placing a hand to catch her own before she could do any more harm. Her eyes were sharp, but the steady gaze her levelled her with caused her to snap her hand back and face away from him, overlooking the lake instead.

"I hate it," she whispered into the air, allowing her thoughts to become words for the first time. "I hate that even now, after I have been free for so long and accomplished so much, that he still has a hold on me. Why can't I control these emotions which arise because of him? One minute I am terrified, the next I feel dirty and used as I remember what he did. Then it changes like it did a little while ago, to where instead of shying away from and sort of touch to needing yours like the air I breathe. Now I have this…anger building inside me at the unfairness of it all. Why? Why did life choose to put me through this? Haven't I been through enough already?"

Alistair sensed that maybe she didn't need an answer, but rather to vent. He had stopped her using the only method she knew which worked to express everything, leaving her no choice but to speak her mind to clear her head. She leant back into him as her stood behind her, and when his arms came around to encircle her she clung onto them tightly. "Even now…after all that has happened since we met and all the steps we have taken together, I am still broken. Is there no way for me to pick up the pieces and start mending myself?"

This time, he had an answer for her. "You aren't broken anymore." Arria spun to face him, her eyes showing her doubt in his words but he kept going, needing her to see just how far she had come, even if right now it didn't feel like it. "Arri, think about how you were back when we met. No-one could really touch you or come near without you jumping in fright. You were instinctively afraid around all men, and after a nightmare I doubt you could've stood having anything within several feet of you because it felt too close. Despite that mask you kept up, I could see you were unsure with every step you took and, some days, I was scared that a wrong one would shatter you beyond the small hope of repair you still held."

His hands framed her face and he kissed her forehead lightly as he continued. "But look at you now. You walk with greater confidence each day and are comfortable around almost everyone in our group. The woman who was afraid of the world and terrified it would destroy her is gone, and the one standing before me now is someone who is starting to believe in herself again. Even today, when Howe stood mere feet from you, you didn't panic. Somehow you found the courage to stand and openly defy him, even though we could have just as easily run without saying a word." His eyes turned soft and looked at her with so much love that she wanted to melt under his gaze. "Despite what happened this morning, and even with facing Howe to compound the issue, you can somehow still accept some touch rather than completely shut it out. I honestly didn't think you'd be able to take anything after all that happened and I could see from your own reactions you were just as surprised at yourself. Your methods of coping might still be…self-destructive," his hand took her own and was careful not to cause further harm to her bruised and bloodied knuckles, "but I think you have started to see that it isn't the only way. Pain isn't your only companion anymore, be it of your own choice or not. Arria, you aren't broken, but rather wounded."

Surprise was her main reaction. "You honestly think I have moved forward? Even after seeing all I have done to myself today?"

"Maybe not in all aspects, some you haven't quite managed to find you way, but just look at us. You haven't pushed me away yet."

Arria smiled gently. "That's because I need you here with me."

"And that in itself is a big change. Could you have ever seen leaving yourself so vulnerable, or letting me see so much, when we began our relationship?"

She paused as she thought this over. "Honestly, I don't know. But I know that I couldn't have expected it so soon." A light came to her eyes as she absorbed what he had said. "You are right, I guess I have come a long way. Maybe it was too much to hope for that Howe had lost his hold over me, especially since it has only been a month. Even though it feels like a lifetime since we started this journey together, it really has been no time at all. I want to be done with this, but I think I'm just going to have to be patient." Her eyes met his again. "I guess we are wounded together now, aren't we?"

A chuckle escaped him. "Yeah, certainly looks like it, though I take inspiration from you every day as I watch you heal. Hopefully someday, once this is all over, we can look at making our own future with the two of us ready to face it, rather than being haunted by our pasts."

Arria surrendered to him as he kissed her lightly, a gentle smile on her face as he leant back again. "I like the sound of that."

* * *

Despite their original thought to stay away from the camp, Arria surprised Alistair by suggesting they return before it started really getting late. Some of their companions had taken to their tents and Arria was relieved when the only ones left awake were Elissa, Rod, Zevran and Anders. She didn't mind showing her insecurities to them, they were the four she trusted the most of their group. It wasn't long before the mage spied them and nudged the elf, drawing his attention to the Wardens' return. Alistair and Arria were just finishing setting their tent again when they approached.

"Well you mysterious twosome, I see you have returned," remarked the elf, watching Arria closely to see how she reacted. There were still significant shadows in her eyes and she still seemed mildly unsure, but it was a vast difference to how she was when she left before. "This gives us the opportunity to…enquire about a certain matter."

Both the Wardens looked at him confused as Anders continued. "Well, basically, we wondered if what we heard was true. Alistair, are you really King Maric's son?"

Arria gasped as Alistair's eyes widened, both having completely forgotten that Howe had revealed Alistair's secret. She saw the defeat in his posture as he slumped and took a gentle hold of his hand. "Yeah, it's true," he muttered bitterly. "I'm Maric's bastard son."

Zevran chuckled. "So, we are with the last two Wardens in Ferelden: one of which is a warrior of a near-extinct people, and the other is the true heir to the throne? I think we are keeping very fine company."

Arria scowled at Zevran, wishing he wouldn't make a joke about this but when Anders smiled as well, she stopped short of criticising his attitude. "Wow, just when I thought you guys were complicated enough, this shows up. What should we be calling you in that case?"

Alistair sighed and Arria stepped in. "He might be Maric's son, but he has no claim to the throne. He's just like the rest of us, and that is how it should be."

She smiled at him when she felt him grip her hand tighter in gratitude. "Has it not occurred to the two of you though that Alistair could make a claim for the throne with his blood? I mean, surely someone out there knows the truth."

"Yes, but I don't want to be King," said Alistair, making his opinion known for the first time. "As far as we can tell, the only people left who know about my true identity are Loghain, Howe, Arl Eamon and his family and all those present here, which now numbers three. If that is all then I would be quite happy to live a life of obscurity, and I'm a Grey Warden. We don't get involved in politics."

"Well, as much as you may wish you could keep your nose out of things, maybe you guys need to think about this another way." Both Wardens faced the mage as he spoke his thoughts. "At present, Loghain is Regent and creating chaos across the whole country. Even if you manage to save Eamon, we aren't going to have enough to usurp Loghain without escalating the civil war further, and that will leave us crippled for taking on the Blight. Loghain is a hero, we need something more potent than that to try and pass the throne to someone else. The only thing we can possibly use to change things is the royal bloodline, and that now ends with you, Alistair."

The couple exchanged glances, both having already thought of this. "That is true Anders, but there is still too much to this puzzle that we don't know about. How are the sides divided? Who is sided with Loghain and who is defying him? Until we know more, there is nothing we can do," said Arria.

"And besides that, our priority is the Blight. If it keeps progressing at the rate it is, we might not even manage to take care of the problems with the throne before the Archdemon rears its ugly head. There's no point trying to plan anything until we have more information. While we are heading back to Lake Calenhad, this might be our best opportunity to find out what has been happening across the Bannorn," added Alistair.

The other two saw the merit to their points and let it be, bidding them a good night before they headed off. Arria held onto Alistair's arm as a thought occurred to her. "Alistair, now that Anders and Zevran know about you, maybe it is time to let some others in on the secret too." His eyes widened but she placed a finger to his lips to stop his before he could argue back. "Hear me out here. I don't mean to tell everyone, but I've been wondering something for a while. Maybe some people who were acquainted with Cailan can see the similarities between the two of you, and since we have someone in our group who I am fairly sure had met him on more than one occasion, I think we need to test the theory."

"You mean Lissa."

"The Couslands were the most powerful family after the Theirins and arguably the Mac Tirs, surely they had met on several occasions. If Elissa hasn't seen the connection by now then it is likely no-one will outside those who are told. At the very least I think they deserve to know the truth, they are our closest friends."

He couldn't argue back against that and they wandered over to the other couple who were on first watch for the night. Elissa was the first to spy them and smiled at them as they came to sit just opposite herself and Rod. "Hey, I thought you two were going to camp away from us tonight?" She remembered Alistair having taken their gear with him when he went to see Arria, after she had told him where the other woman was headed.

"We were, but there isn't such a need for the distance now," clarified Arria. "I think I can handle being around everyone again now that I have a greater control of my emotions." Elissa beamed with pride while Rod's own smile was gentle. As Arria had suspected, Elissa had told him everything. It seemed there really weren't many secrets between the four of them now, and this revelation might be the last secret to be told. "Actually, there is something we need to talk to the two of you about. Back at Castle Cousland, you met King Cailan several times, didn't you Lissa?"

Elissa and Rod shared a look, having waited a long time for this conversation. "Yes, we did. Cailan visited my family a few times with Anora and Loghain. He was a good man."

"He was indeed. There is something you both need to know." She looked at Alistair, urging him to continue.

He floundered for a few seconds before he found the words. "I…I guess I should tell you two the truth. I'm-I'm actually King Maric's son, born of a short affair with a maid in Arl Eamon's service. That's the real reason Eamon took me in when I was child, not what we told you before."

"Looks like you were right, Lissa."

Both Wardens looked from the knight to the raven-haired woman. "So you had seen it," said Arria quietly.

Elissa nodded. "I actually suspected it from Lothering. Alistair and Cailan have a striking resemblance to each other, but only if you've spent time with both of them. Even their personalities are similar." Alistair made what sounded like a small growl in his throat: he still hated it when people said the two of them were that alike. "Why have you guys decided to tell us about this now?"

"Howe revealed Alistair's identity in Denerim, Zevran and Anders overheard it. Now that some others knew, I thought this would be a good time to see if you had suspicions."

"Well, you've got your answer. My guess is that any noble who has spent time around Cailan would be able to see it. Are you guys thinking about Alistair maybe making a claim for the throne?"

Alistair's eyes showed panic for a split second before he suppressed it again. He took a couple of deep breaths before he spoke. "Anders mentioned a few things which gives me a sinking feeling that if it came down to it, I might not have a choice in the matter. I don't want to be King, I honestly can't think of much else which terrifies me more," he said in a quiet voice, the tension flowing out of him slightly when Arria curled into his side. His arm held her close as she snuggled in securely. Though she didn't admit it, the idea slightly scared her too, but for an entirely different reason.

Elissa watched the two of them, seeing how both were reluctant to accept the idea. "Well I guess there is nothing to be done about it for the moment, but for the record, I think Alistair would make a fantastic King given the time. His heart is in the right place, and if anyone tried to mess him around with the politics they couldn't run from me fast enough."

Both Wardens laughed briefly. "I'm with Elissa. Alistair would be a man I'd be more that proud to call my King, but we have a long way to go before we can really think about that. There's the Blight to deal with first, among other things. Lake Calenhad is our next stop, right?"

Alistair nodded. "And from there we will stop in by Redcliffe before we head to Haven. I just hope Eamon is all right, we've lost a lot of time."

"Unfortunately the world seems to be determined to make us work for everything at the moment. Don't worry, we won't let Connor's sacrifice have been in vain. We'll save Eamon, and after that Ferelden is one step closer to salvation."

Alistair and Arria were both silent. Even if they wanted to believe that was the case, Rod was right with one thing: fate seemed to be conspiring against them at the moment. Every time they had tried to find an ally against the Blight, it had been a danger in itself. If this kept up, something was going to give.

* * *

Phew, it's done. That was really hard to write, but I'm glad I've finally got it done. I have a very busy week and a bit coming up so if I haven't managed to update by Tuesday, it'll be at least another week after then before I can get the next chapter finished. I'll try my hardest to make sure I don't leave you without an update for too long.

Negative Angel


	34. To Defy Death

Okay, so I surprised myself at the speed with which this was written, but once I got started on this chapter I couldn't stop! Thank you so much to **WhitewaterWolves**, my only reviewer of the last chapter. You are a star! Now, to make up for the lack of action last time…I've come up with another plot twist.

Sit comfortably and hold on tight, it is chaotic!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 33: To Defy Death**

It had just gone midnight, but Arria could not bear to close her eyes. Even though her emotions were now much more under her own control, she still feared to give into slumber in case a nightmare lay there in waiting. After the stress of the day she was expecting it, but there was only so much more her heart could take. Her energy was drained and her thoughts had turned so much that she just wished she could stop thinking, though being settled in the tent with Alistair protecting her was a great help. Even with him settled in behind her holding her close, she didn't feel secure enough to surrender to sleep. He had only been asleep for half an hour or so but he still didn't seem relaxed. _Maybe he can't let go, even in his dreams, _she wondered. Today had been just as stressful for him as it had been for her, and she was more than ready for it to be over.

Barely another ten minutes had passed when she felt him tense up behind her. The tighter grip made her jump and she twisted around to look at him as best she could. His body was rigid and his eye fluttered beneath their lids: it wasn't just her who was vulnerable to a nightmare tonight. After a small pause, she spun around completely and held on as tight as she could, stomping down on the instinctive fear at being trapped when his grip on her became even tighter. She started whispering in his ear, hoping that he could hear her. When he cried out quietly in a broken voice, her heart clenched painfully. "No, stop!"

She could only imagine what it was he was seeing, but somehow she needed to bring him back. Changing tactics, she started talking about a topic they had only touched upon for the first time the other day. "Alistair, do you remember when you asked me about what we are going to do after we have dealt with the Blight? You said you would come see Nileesa with me. I'll take you to see Merlinne, even though I don't know how much is left and I'll take you to the see the griffons. I know you would love them, and maybe there is someone still alive who can take us up on one. Seeing the world from the sky is the experience of a lifetime and I want to share that with you. Then we'll find a place to settle down and make our own life. Maybe it would only be for a few months, or it could be years. If we are lucky, it might be until the end of our days. And someday, we might even be a family. I know we can't have kids of our own but there are lots of orphans and children without parents. There is so much we have to look forward to."

He snapped awake just then and jolted upright, his whole body shaking. Arria took her time in sitting up and was patient as Alistair tried to get his spinning mind back under control. His breathing was still erratic when he turned to look at her, her blue eyes showing concern. When his hand came to stroke her cheek she placed her own on top of his, hoping to bring him some small comfort. He slowly leant back again and stared upwards, the images of the dream still in the front on his mind when he felt Arria settle in close. Having her so near was always reassuring, but now more than ever he needed to feel her safe. The last image kept replaying and he felt sick thinking about it.

Arria felt Alistair stiffen again and held on tighter, leaning up to kiss his jaw in an effort to help him unwind. "What did you see?" she asked softly. He still would not look at her and she started running her hand over his chest. It felt strange for him to be wearing his tunic again but neither had been sure of how much she could handle when they settled for the night so it had been kept on. "Please, Alistair. It's not like you to be haunted like that, and from the way you couldn't let go, I guess it has something to do with me." He tried to loosen his grip on her after it instinctively tightened, but it was enough to confirm her suspicions. Arria shifted up and settled her head right beneath his own, kissing his neck as she felt him slowly relax. "Talk to me, please."

A defeated sigh left him and she tried to stay very still as his hand started running along the base of her bandages. They ended a few inches below her breasts but even that seemed too much at the moment. Her heart sank at the fear it created in her but sensed he needed this time to see for himself that she was all right. "Sometimes I forget…I forget that even though you are probably the deadliest one amongst us, you are also the most fragile. Once your strength or your mobility fails you, you are vulnerable. Not only that, I've realised you are always going to throw yourself straight into danger to protect those around you." She didn't deny any of it, all of what he said was true. "And I wish it didn't have to be that way…especially as I'm the reason we have to worry about Loghain hunting after us."

She pushed up and looked at him, but he still would not meet her eyes. "What did you see?" she tried once again.

"A lot of it was a jumble, but there were two things which stuck out clearly. We were back at Ostagar, fighting on the field with Duncan instead of being in the tower. Despite everything I tried, I couldn't…I couldn't save him. Then…" He stopped, wishing not to have to relive what he saw but he could feel her patient gaze on him. If she could face what haunted her dreams then so could he, even if what he saw could still become reality. "I don't know where we were next, but we were fighting the darkspawn somewhere. We were winning until some of Loghain's men joined and tried to kill us. We defeated them, but it cost most of our companions their lives. I remember not being able to move, all my strength was gone but I could hear you struggling to stay alive near me. It took almost everything I had left to turn my head and find you, but I wish I hadn't. Loghain found you as well, and he-" Arria didn't need Alistair to finish that sentence, from how a shudder ripped through him she could guess at what he had seen. "From the way he look at me after that, I know he'd done it to see me break."

Arria pulled his face towards her and kissed him slowly, willing him to give in to their connection. He was slow in responding but he eventually did, gathering her as close as he could as their tongues twisted together. When she pulled back, leaving a small peck on his lips to soften their parting she smiled gently at him. "It wasn't real, Alistair. Loghain is never going to have that chance, he won't leave Denerim again since he has become Regent. Yes, he knows who you are and because of that we will have to be extra careful, but don't forget he wants me dead or removed just as much. He isn't our main problem, not for the moment anyway. We have to refocus on the Blight: we don't know how much it has advanced since Lothering and these weeks of travelling will give us a good chance to see what had transpired. And besides that, once we have saved Eamon we can tip the scales back in our favour. There are already those who doubt Loghain and once we spread the word of his involvement in trying to kill Eamon, surely they must see just how he has lost his mind."

Alistair nodded and sat back again, Arria staying as close as she could. Despite their intention to stay awake, mental exhaustion meant they slipped back into slumber not long afterwards, but this time they were both seized by a vision, one which made their blood run cold. When they snapped awake, they looked at each other in shock. "The Archdemon, it's becoming more active."

She was trembling slightly and thought on the last thing they had seen. "Alistair, was it me or was it-"

"Looking straight at us? So I wasn't the only one thinking it."

"No, you weren't. Do you think it can sense us just as we can it?"

"If it did then-" A familiar sense took over both of them right then and they sprung to their feet but a second later. Alistair was the first out of their tent and shouted to the rest of their group, only Zevran and Anders awake as the second watch. "The darkspawn are heading this way! Ready yourselves!" He saw Arria had begun to rouse people from their sleep and he went to the rest of the tents, making sure all of their group were ready.

Both of them were acutely aware that whatever it was that was heading their way was not only fast, but large. They sprinted back into their tent and geared up as fast as they could, Arria ready in half a minute since her armour was much less than his. Alistair had managed to get into his greaves and slip on his chainmail by the time she started helping him. His armour took much longer than it used to because of the many parts, but Arria snapped the pieces together and he had finished with his gauntlets by the time it came to getting the last parts together. Just after they were both ready for battle, their breath froze as they darkspawn came close enough for them to sense just what was heading their way. They raced back outside to find everyone ready and torches being lit around the entirety of the camp to light their way. Because they were camp on the edge of a cliff, it meant there was less chance of being flanked but also offered less routes of escape. "Everyone be careful! There are three ogres headed straight for us!" shouted Arria as the rest of their group got into some sort of battle formation. It was a small mercy that it was only the ogres they had to deal with, but the Wardens remembered well the difficulty they had in dealing with one. Three of them was going to be another challenge entirely.

Sten and Anders were sent to guard Bodahn and Sandal while the rest of them divided into groups to hopefully lure the ogres apart and away from the merchant and his son. Elissa, Rod, Hallai and Wynne lay in wait just outside the light of the torches while Zevran, Leliana and Morrigan were ready just by the entrance. Alistair, Arria and Carou were waiting at the other side of the opening, prepared to lead one to the cliff and out of harm's way. It was a couple of tense minutes before they heard the stomps and vibrations through the ground, but then they stopped having the time to think as the ogres charged into view. Just as planned, the Wardens and their Mabari lured one to the open area just beside the cliff while the other two went for the more accessible targets of Morrigan's group. After they stepped back into the light, Elissa and Wynne drew the attention of one which changed its heading and went for the merchant, but once it was attacked that plan was swiftly changed.

Elissa and Wynne kept their distance as Rod and Hallai took turns diverting the attention of the ogre, dodging its wild swings when it got too close. The archer started peppering its head with her arrows in an attempt to find a weak spot but soon gave up on that plan, focusing instead on its shoulder to stop its attempts to attack. Wynne petrified its feet, immobilising it and allowing Rod and Hallai to get closer without the fear of a sudden attack. The ogre's reach was now limited and couldn't even use its great horns to attack without the freedom to move. Steady blood loss from the Mabari's bites and the knight's slices meant it was fighting a losing battle, and it wasn't too long before its guard was lowered to the point where they landed a killing blow. Rod's blade struck deep into the ogre's abdomen and as it roared in displeasure Elissa's arrow pierced its throat, severing an artery. The beast bled out in a bloody mess, defeated.

Morrigan's freezing spell had limited effectiveness but succeeded in freezing the arm of their ogre which Zevran and Leliana both swiftly attacked, shattering the appendage. Now down to one arm, they could move with much greater around the beast as they looked for an opening to bring it down. Even with only one arm, it still managed to haul a boulder out of the ground and hurl it at the witch who was forced to throw herself out of the firing line. It sailed past her and impacted the ground a good distance behind, the ogre's aim now completely off due to losing its arm. Both the assassin and the Bard sliced the tendons at the back of its legs, hoping to render it unable to move completely but Zevran took a kick to the chest for his troubles and was thrown back into a tree, falling unconscious. Leliana rolled away before it had the opportunity to repeat the move on her and watched in muted horror as the beast charged for Bodahn.

Anders launched the fireball he had been preparing and it landed just in front of the ogre, causing a great inferno to rise up and block the beast's path. It stumbled backwards, retreating from the flames as Sten charged for it. The qunari had left his guard post just before the mage had unleashed his attack and his mighty strike ripped the ogre's last hand away from its body. It bowed its head to charge, but was frozen halfway as both Morrigan and Anders hurled freezing spells at it. Now completely defenceless, Leliana and Sten both struck, shattering the beast and leaving behind thousands of crystals as the only remains.

Carou was barking and trying to distract the last ogre as both Alistair and Arria charged from behind and sliced at its legs. The ogre roared and kicked backwards, striking Alistair's shield and causing him to stumble back as Arria used the opportunity to slip underneath and rip both her daggers along the inside of the beast's legs. It succeeded in slowing it down, but it then swung and forced Arria into retreating, moving closer to the edge to make sure Alistair was all right. He nodded his head to let her know he was unharmed but Arria threw him forward before he had the chance to realise what was coming. The boulder the other ogre had thrown aimed for Morrigan might have missed the witch but they had fallen right in the firing line. Alistair could do nothing as he saw Arria thrown backwards by the shockwave and over the cliff. He heard her impact the tress but was forced to turn his attention back to his own situation as the ogre stumbled forward, heading for Carou. He got back to his feet to try and attack the ogre from behind, unaware of the sudden give in the cliff. The force of the boulder's impact had now weakened the ledge: one more powerful blow would cause it to crumble.

Alistair ducked and weaved as best he could, throwing himself out of the way when it charged at him with its horn. Carou barked and tried to catch the attention of the vile beast so the Warden could get back to his feet, but all he succeeded in doing was enraging the ogre further. It turned and slammed down with both its fists: while the attack may have missed the Mabari, the consequences of the move were catastrophic. The rest of their group had just turned their attention to the fight as they heard the slam and were helpless as they saw the cliff collapse, taking everyone in the vicinity with it. Alistair disappeared with a shout while Carou tried to scramble away but was just too slow, falling with the last of the rocks while the ogre fell with them.

Elissa and Rod were the first to the edge, uncaring of their own safety as they tried to catch sight of the Wardens. The dust cloud was too thick to see through and with the darkness they could not see anything below a few feet. Wynne cast a small wind spell to clear the dust in the air and both Morrigan and Anders sent small balls of mana down to the bottom. Elissa's stomach turned when they saw just how far the drop was: it was over ten metres down, probably closer to fifteen. "Alistair! Arria!" she shouted, refusing to believe they could have perished. Wynne was called over by Leliana to tend to Zevran's injuries while the rest of their group searched in the darkness.

"There!" Rod pointed out a limp form at the base of a tree and Anders threw another ball of mana next to it. Elissa gasped at seeing Arria immobile and covered in blood, but there was still no sign of Alistair. Hallai barked pitifully into the night, receiving a pained bark in reply from her mate. Morrigan cast out another light to stop where the hound was, and Hallai slumped in relief at seeing him unharmed.

Elissa's eyes focused on Carou, her blood turning to ice as she realised what he was doing. The Mabari was digging at the base of the large pile of rubble from the collapse in search of something: or rather, someone. "Oh Maker, Alistair is under there!" she exclaimed in a panic.

"I'm going down there," decided Rod, already descending the cliff-face to reach the Wardens.

"You'll need a hand." Anders joined him on the descent, managing to reach the bottom faster than the knight due to the lack of armour and ran to Arria's side. The female Warden was badly injured but none of her injuries were life-threatening, just extremely painful. It was a small mercy she was still unconscious.

"Anders, how is she?" shouted Elissa from the camp as Rod finally made it to the bottom and started digging through the rocks, following Carou's lead to where Alistair was buried.

"Broken leg and dislocated shoulder, but that's the worst of it!" replied the mage as his healing magic got to work on her. He paused after taking care of the extensive bleeding and making sure there was no chance of her injuries becoming infected, switching his attention instead to helping the knight uncover their missing companion.

Carou's cries were getting more frantic the deeper they went, and eventually Rod uncovered a golden gauntlet. "Alistair!" He gripped the hand which accompanied it but when he didn't get any response his nerves twisted tighter; this wasn't looking good. It took another ten minutes of digging for them to finally manage to shift enough of the rubble to get his head and upper chest into the open. Alistair had lost a lot of blood from a head wound which Anders swiftly got to work on fixing: head wounds were always an uncertainty and he wasn't taking any chances that it could get infected or worse. As the mage continued to heal the male Warden, Rod began to slowly uncover the rest of him, but when he got to his legs he froze. "Maker help him…"

Anders looked up to see what had brought about such a reaction from Rod, only to mirror the reaction when he saw what had happened. Alistair's legs were completely crushed from just above his knees by a long and heavy boulder. There was no way they could manage to pull it off without killing him from the blood loss. "This is bad…" muttered the mage, knowing there was nothing he could do, not alone. He stepped back and turned his gaze up to their companions. "Wynne!" The older woman appeared at the edge at Anders' shout. "Alistair's legs are crushed! I can't save him on my own, I'll need your help!"

Wynne paled up above and the reaction was not missed by Elissa. "You can save him, can't you Wynne?" she pleaded.

The older woman shook her head slowly. "I cannot promise anything, Elissa. Crush injuries are among the most severe, and also the most unpredictable. Even with both Anders and I working together, there is no guarantee that our combined magic will be enough to fix the damage before he bleeds out." Elissa felt like she was going to be sick but Wynne placed a comforting hand on the other woman's shoulder. "I will not be able to tell you any more until I manage to make it down there. However, I cannot climb down. We will have to find another route."

Elissa nodded, trying to bring at least some sense back to her thoughts as she shouted down to the two men below. "We are going to have to find another way to you, can you keep him alive until then?"

"I should be able to," confirmed the mage.

"Any chance anyone else could find their way down here sooner and help us with defending? With both Wardens out of it we can't tell if more darkspawn are on the way. Anders and I could only do so much, especially if we have to defend one of them each." A black bird appeared at Rod's feet a few seconds later, confirming who their back-up was.

Morrigan shifted back to her normal form and took a closer look at the cliff. "The stability of this rock-face has been compromised too far. I would not recommend anyone else attempting to descend, unless you want to bury the Templar once again, and even deeper than before."

Rod growled in his throat, accepting that the three of them were going to have to be enough for now. "All right, I guess Morrigan is going to have to do. Can some of you stay there to look after Bodahn?" Elissa divided the remaining group evenly, with Leliana and Sten accompanying Wynne as they looked for a way down while she, Zevran and Hallai would protect the camp and the merchant. After Wynne's company had set off, Morrigan shifted back into her bird form and took to one of the nearby trees. Rod glared at her. "Some help you are, hiding up a tree!" Morrigan expressed her displeasure at his statement by releasing some of her droppings on his shoulder. "Oh for…Morrigan I'm going to kick your ass when you come back down here!" A mocking squawk was his only response and he muttered a few curses under his breath.

He knelt next to Anders as he continued healing Alistair, making sure he wouldn't bleed out before Wynne reached them. "How is he, really?" asked the knight.

"In all honestly, he's a mess. If he comes out of this alive he'll be damn lucky; then again after surviving a werewolf curse and living to tell the tale I suppose he is lucky."

"Can you two really save him?"

"Guess we'll find out soon, but there's a lot more than just the result of the Blight hanging on whether he dies here."

"Yes, Arria mentioned that you guys had been unintentional eavesdroppers to that secret coming to light."

"You know too?"

"Lissa had suspected it for a long time, it wasn't until tonight they confirmed it. I wonder how long ago it was that he told Arria."

"I dunno, but that would be a hell of a burden to carry. As if there isn't enough pressure with then having to end the Blight, there is this hanging over them too."

"Anders…do you think that if Alistair was King, things would change?"

"How do you mean?"

"He's a Templar, I know that probably wouldn't go down too well with the mages but he helped save them, along with a lot of other people. Do you think that if he made a claim for the throne and won it, he would try and fix a lot of the broken things with this country?"

"I think he would, but unfortunately a lot of the things wrong originate with the Chantry or the nobility. Probably the two toughest areas to crack, and I don't think he would have enough guts to take on the Chantry by himself."

"Maybe not but with a certain Nileesan woman beside him…"

"You think Arria might swing him into taking on the Chantry?"

"The Nileesans managed to keep the Chantry as observers only, why can't we do the same? I know magic is deadly and maybe we need to keep the Circle as a prison or something for mages who go out of control, but surely things weren't meant to be like this."

Anders shook his head sadly. "Rod, the Circle _is _a prison, it's just not labelled that way at the moment. Fear and hatred of mages is too widespread; the Nileesans could do it because they were all mages, there wasn't such deep rooted prejudices as exist in the rest of Thedas."

"I suppose it's not something we could fix in one lifetime, is it?"

The mage smiled slightly. "Maybe not, but I think they might be able to make a start. What brought this on?"

"Travelling with so many different people I guess. We have several Fereldens, but we also have and Orlesian, a Qunari, an Antivan and a Nileesan in our ranks, not to mention we contain humans, elves, mages… We are quite the mixed bag and we all get along, at least to some degree…" He shot a glare up at Morrigan who was still in the heights of the tree, almost beyond sight. "I suppose it just got me thinking, maybe it was a stupid idea."

Anders' smile grew. "No, it's not, and it is opinions like that which might change the view people hold of mages someday." A groaning next to them caught their attention and Rod held Alistair down as Anders directed. When the Warden started getting some awareness back, this was going to hurt.

Alistair was slow in coming back to his senses and when he did, he wished he could just slip back into the oblivion of unconsciousness. He let out an agonised scream of pain at the burning in his legs and the lancing sensation that arose as he tried to move. It was unlike anything he had ever felt. "Alistair! Alistair stop moving!" urged the mage. Though he was conscious, his mind still wasn't focused. "Alistair if you don't stop moving you'll bleed out, you have to stay calm!"

It was a few seconds before the words started to process and he slowly stopped, banging his head off the ground beneath him in a desperate attempt to shift his concentration away from the extreme pain in the lower half of his body. "What-What's going on?" he wheezed out, spluttering as another wave of agony raced through him.

"The cliff gave out and you are pinned under a boulder, looks like the ogre you were fighting didn't survive the fall and is buried under here. You're lucky it's only your legs which have been crushed, it very easily could have been all of you," explained Anders.

Alistair wasn't feeling particularly lucky at that very moment but mention of the ogre snapped his attention somewhere else. "Arria! Where is she? She fell over the cliff-"

"Easy," urged Rod. "Arria's okay, a little banged up but otherwise she's fine."

"Then where-"

"I didn't heal all of her injuries, only the most severe ones so I could concentrate on yours. She's still unconscious."

"Anders….please heal her. I don't think there's anything you can do for me right now."

"What can you feel?"

"Nothing past my thighs, I'm guessing that's where I'm stuck?" Both men nodded. "There's an…intense burning just around there and I've got this numbness through the rest of me, it's kind of hard to describe…"

"Alistair, tell me if you can feel this." Anders reached over and pressed lightly against Alistair's leg where the boulder had him pinned, causing the male Warden to screech in agony. The mage swiftly pulled back, apologetic. "Damn, sorry. At least you felt that, though I didn't think it was going to hurt that much."

Alistair coughed out a laugh and then spluttered at the pain. "Everything hurts, I'm pretty sure you can't do anything about it though." He wheezed at another wave of the now familiar burn. "Anders, help her, please." The mage gave him a steady look for a few seconds before sighing and leaving to tend to Arria. The female Warden had Carou as a guardian for the moment, but when she was healed he would be changing to look after Alistair. Rod watched over his friend as he slowly became accustomed to the pain, wincing at the sudden jolts which overcame him. "You're awful silent."

The knight met the male Warden's gaze, sighing deeply. "You're not in good shape, you know that right?"

A chuckle left Alistair at the statement but he instantly regretted it as the inferno in his legs shifted up at the movement. He tried to grip something as he endured and Rod's hand found his own, the knight feeling entirely useless as he watched Alistair suffer and not be able to help in any way. "Yeah…I know. I'm glad she isn't awake to see this. Some day, huh?"

Rod laughed. "A hellish day, that's for sure. First what happened this morning, then escaping Denerim, now this…Would have thought we'd be used to plans changing by now."

"Nothing's really worked out, has it?"

"Looks like trouble is determined to follow the two of you, wherever you go." Rod's smile vanished when he saw that Alistair was deep in thought. "What is it?"

"Do me a favour, would you? Make sure she's safe, that she gets to the end, wherever it might be."

Rod's heart dropped as she realised what Alistair was saying. "You aren't quitting on us," he growled.

Alistair shook his head. "No, not by choice, but I can tell myself when there's a good chance I've had it. I know that even if you guys manage to get me out from under this thing I could bleed out before Anders or Wynne could heal me. If…" He didn't want to speak the words out loud, not when Rod already knew what he was thinking. "At the very least, swear to me you'll be there to help her when you finally get revenge against Howe. Even if the Blight is gone, she won't…she won't be free."

"You'll be there to do it you idiot." Alistair smiled at that. "But if…if you don't make it, I'll look after her, and I'll make sure she's with Lissa and I when we finally gut Howe, I promise."

"Thank you." He wasn't giving up, he meant that, but there was a lot of ways this could end badly. Even if he died because of this, at least he now know that Arria would be safe, though how she could defeat the Blight on her own…Anders came back before long, Carou right behind him. The Mabari settled next to Alistair and licked his hand. "Hey boy, come to cheer me up?" A short bark was his reply. "I'm fine, don't worry. I'm guessing if you are over here that Arria is okay now?"

"Yeah, though I don't know when she'll wake up: she took quite the knock to the head with that fall. It's just as well she hit the trees on the way down, otherwise she might have ended up worse than you," said Anders, not missing the almost resigned look in Alistair's eyes. If he thought there wasn't much hope, then maybe the damage was worse than he thought.

"With any luck, she won't be awake until after this is over, one way or another-" The male Warden's eyes widened and he instinctively stiffened, setting off another wave of pain. Anders started healing him again as Rod tried to keep him still. Once it passed, he was left breathless but he managed to get what he needed to across before he slipped unconscious again. "Darkspawn…they're close…" It was all he managed to say before the pain became too much and he slipped back into oblivion.

The two other men shared a look. "He is going to wake up again, right?" asked Rod, almost dreading the answer.

"If he doesn't, I don't know what I'd rather face first. The darkspawn he sensed coming or telling Arria he's gone."

* * *

When Arria eventually did regain consciousness, nearly an hour had passed. In that time, Alistair had not grown any worse, but neither had he awakened again. Wynne's group still hadn't arrived, making Rod and Anders wonder whether they had run into trouble on the way or if it was just taking that long to find a point where they could safely descend. The groaning from the female Warden made their hearts sink, knowing that she would struggle to accept what had happened. As Arria sat up, she looked around in confusion, not remembering anything past being thrown off the cliff and first hitting the tree. She had hit her head before anything else, knocking her out before she had been injured. When her eyes met Rod, Carou and Anders surrounding something, she stood on shaky legs and started walking towards them.

As she caught sight of Alistair motionless and their sombre faces, she forced her way between them to see what had happened. "Alistair…" she whispered brokenly, a small whimper leaving her as she saw his legs crushed beneath the boulder. Anders could see it from the way her eyes suddenly dimmed that she knew how serious an injury it was, and that there was a good chance he may not survive it. "What happened?" she demanded, turning icy eyes towards Rod.

The knight didn't take it personally, knowing Lissa would probably react exactly the same way if it was them in this situation. "The cliff gave out. You and Carou got away with it, he's only got scratches and Anders healed you, but Alistair and that ogre were both buried. He's looking a lot better now than he did a while ago." Her hand came to stroke his face, unwilling to look any lower again and see the damage inflicted upon him. This was almost more than she could bear. "Wynne is en route with Leliana and Sten. We don't know how far away they are, but I hope they are all right."

"What do you mean?"

"That was almost an hour ago, and right before Alistair passed out he said he could sense darkspawn. We haven't seen anything, but that doesn't mean they aren't close."

Arria's brow furrowed in confusion. "But I can't feel anything…why could he feel something I can't?"

"Maybe he's just advanced another stage in becoming a Warden, he did mention he was due to take another step when we were in Denerim. Or it could be that it actually moved away from us, even though that is unlikely."

She nodded, remembering that conversation. They had been speaking about her increased appetite with her advancement when the topic came up about what the next change would be. Hearing that apparently they would be able to feel darkspawn from further away was a small relief, but she was really wishing she possessed that skill now. With things as they were, she wouldn't be able to let them know about anything until it got extremely close.

A series of squawks from above drew their attention and they all turned their gazes upwards. "I wonder what's wrong with Morrigan?" asked Arria, drawing a look of surprise from her comrades.

"You could tell that was her?" questioned Anders.

"I'm a Tamer, I can tell the differences between creatures of nature and those who have shape-shifted into them. Whatever it is, it's got her panicked, something I wouldn't normally associate with Morrigan."

They got their answer when the boulders at the other side of the collapse began to shift, seemingly of their own accord. Mild horror began to take over them as they saw a great bloodied hand emerge from the rubble, with the rest of the body coming forth shortly after. They were mostly frozen in fear as they saw the ogre get back to its feet, raise its hands and twist its neck back the way it should be, rather than facing exactly the wrong direction. It was the sound of the bones cracking and breaking as it did so that spooked all of them: something was very wrong. Both Rod and Anders slowly got to their feet, pulling Arria up with them even though she was reluctant to leave Alistair behind. "What in Andraste's name is happening? That thing is dead!" exclaimed the knight.

"Not any more, obviously," stated Anders, backing away with the other two as Carou stayed by Alistair, growling at the ogre.

"Carou, please," pleaded Arria, praying the dog would not shift the ogre's attention onto Alistair. At least if it was focused on them he would be safe. "This is necromancy. I've heard of it but didn't think it existed until now."

"Right, so the dead come back to life?"

"No, but dead tissue is re-animated for a specific purpose. The only way to kill this thing is to find whatever has resurrected it."

Elissa had heard the commotion from up above and looked over the cliff, gasping in horror at seeing the ogre alive again. Arria spied her from their position and shook her head, urging the other woman not to get involved. Maybe they could find whatever darkspawn was responsible for this and kill it before they fell foul of the undead fiend. "So…what do we do?" asked Rod, keeping a close eye on Elissa to make sure she was safe.

Arria grabbed both their wrists and pulled back, just before she made her move. "Run!" The three of them ran into the darkness, Anders lighting the way forward with multiple mana balls so they wouldn't go barrelling into a natural hazard. As they made it to a sharp slope Arria jumped for a tree branch and swung on it, hoping to provide a distraction as Rod and Anders kept running. The ogre was concentrating so much on the two men that it didn't notice Arria, allowing her to swing and connect both feet to the back of the ogre's neck, twisting it into an even worse shape. She landed lightly, watching the ogre stumble around with its head at a grotesque angle. Anders and Rod both stopped at seeing the beast had halted with Arria's attack and prepared themselves for battle.

The female Warden's stomach churned as she watched the ogre adjust its head again, but when she saw what it was about to do she broke into a run and charged towards it. Just as it's charge was about to connect with her, she Fade Shifted and passed straight through, allowing its rampage to be stopped by the many trees which surrounded them. It didn't stay down long, but by the time it had regained its feet the number of targets had increased to three, Anders and Rod having re-joined Arria. It roared, sending out a shockwave which knocked the mage and Dancer off their feet as Rod just managed to stay upright. When it prepared to hurl a boulder at them, he ducked and raised his shield, hoping to at least lessen the impact. Anders sent out a rock blast of his own, the two masses colliding in the middle to shatter on contact. Rod's shield managed to stop most of the pieces striking their group, allowing Arria and Anders to get back to their feet. The Dancer and knight split up, hoping to split its attention so that Anders could land a powerful blow but it slammed its fists down, forcing the pair back together just before it crouched to strike them. Rod threw Arria back and tried to let his shield take the impact, but he badly misjudged the angle. The horn ripped through his shield and straight through his arm, leaving it useless as he was tossed aside with a scream of agony.

Anders released a potent lightning strike, forcing the ogre into retreating as Arria rushed towards Rod. It was a serious wound, the horn having pretty must destroyed the bottom of his left arm and was bleeding profusely, but if it was seen to in time it wouldn't be life threatening. Arria handed him one of the two health poultices she had on her and helped him swallow it, healing at least some of the damage. When another spell whizzed past them and over Anders, accompanied by two arrows, they turned their attention to see Wynne, Leliana and Sten. Having been lost for the best part of half an hour, the sounds of the fighting had helped them regroup. Wynne began healing Rod as best she could while Arria re-entered the fight, hoping to keep the beast off balance.

Sten's mighty swings were causing deep gouges to appear in the ogre's flesh, but due to the necromancy, no amount of damage could hope to bring this beast down. When one of Leliana's arrows landed straight in its eye, hoping to blind it, she was too shocked by the fact it didn't even stop to acknowledge the blow before it swiped her, raking one of its claws down her leg. Again, it was a deep wound, but not life-threatening. Anders broke away to start healing it as Sten and Arria kept its focus on them. Inside, Arria knew they couldn't keep this up. Anders and Wynne were swiftly being drained by all the healing they had to do while, unlike the ogre, she, Sten, Leliana and Rod were tiring quickly. Her Grey Warden sense kicked in and she quickly snapped her gaze back to the camp, knowing there was now another darkspawn there, most likely the Necromancer itself. She couldn't quite dodge one of its backhand swings and she slammed backwards into a tree at high speed, crumpling to the ground in a winded mess. As she coughed up blood, she knew this was out of their hands.

_Lissa, you've got to kill that thing, or we'll all die here._

* * *

Elissa had watched the trail as far as she could and could hear the fighting in the distance, but when she heard rustling behind her she knew they were in trouble. Zevran was by her side in seconds, as was Hallai as they watched the ogre which Elissa herself had killed get back to its feet, blood coating it like a second skin. She fought the urge to throw up as she looked up it, but the group swiftly had to separate as the ogre charged for them. What completely caught them off guard was how it kept running straight off the edge of the cliff, falling to the ground below. Both the young woman and the elf looked over to see what was happening, Elissa' heart jumping to her throat as she realised what the ogre's true target was. "_Alistair!"_

The male Warden had regained consciousness when the first resurrected ogre had charged past, forced to watch as it chase after Anders, Rod and Arria. When Carou started barking frantically at the ledge above, he heard the second beast's rampage but was horrified when it suddenly appeared on his level. When it's gaze turned to him, he knew he was in trouble. Carou snarled fiercely and charged the beast, determined to keep it away from Alistair as the Warden started frantically searching for something to defend himself with. He might well die regardless because of his injury, but he wasn't going to go down without a fight. When a dagger appeared in the ground beside him, he looked up to see Zevran nod. It had embedded itself in the soil, but was just outside of his reach. "Oh you've got to be kidding me." He stretched as far as he could, knowing it was all he could do without injuring himself more but a screech from the Mabari as he was struck by the ogre changed things. Out of options, he shifted his body all he could, a soul-wrenching scream ripping from his throat as he felt something tear in his pinned legs. From the sudden gushing sensation he could instantly tell that whatever he had done was going to be fatal: without Wynne or Anders nearby there was no hope he could be healed in time. The ogre's gaze shifted back to him and he was more than prepared to die fighting, but a sudden blast of fire from above knocked the ogre back.

Alistair was shocked words when Morrigan appeared before him, ready for battle. She was the last person he expected to see defending him, and he almost couldn't believe what he was saying. "Morrigan, get out of here. I'm dead anyway, leave me."

The witch turned with a lazy smile. "Giving up so easily, are we Templar? I could hardly do that, your love would never forgive me; and she is one of the few things on this world that I do fear. Something which has defied fate is not to be trifled with." She could see his life rapidly leaving him and her gaze hardened. This would have to be resolved quickly. Morrigan turned with a confident smirk and readied herself, more than ready to try some of the spells she had left from Flemeth's grimoire. Just as the ogre started to regain its bearings she simultaneously cast two hexes: one to paralyse and one to weaken. Both landed on the first attempt and the ogre was trapped, unable to break free but Morrigan herself was also locked. To sustain these spells at the same time was taking all of her concentration, something she hadn't expected. If this was to end in their favour, those in the camp needed to end the Necromancer, and quickly.

Elissa and Zevran were busy debating whether to chance climbing down and help when Hallai began barking and snarling at a figure in the shadows. They were both shocked when a darkspawn appeared, surrounded by a black aura. Magic started to rise up around the crystallised remains and both Elissa and Zevran were frozen in place when they saw the soul of the ogre itself rise up and be absorbed by the darkspawn. It didn't take long for the answer to click: this was the Necromancer, the one controlling the dead ogres, sending them to kill the Wardens. Elissa fired several arrows as Zevran and Hallai rushed the beast, the hound and the elf bouncing off a barrier before they could even get close as it ducked out of the way of Elissa's arrows. No matter how they tried, Hallai and Zevran could not get close as an invisible wall blocked their path. Elissa shouted when she saw the soul of the ogre appear again and attempt a swipe, but both the assassin and the Mabari dodged.

The Necromancer was growing impatient and took its opportunity to build a massive lightning spell. Zevran hurled one of his daggers at it and the projectile broke through the barrier just as Elissa's arrows had done, landing in the darkspawn's arm and causing the spell to be launched prematurely. He shouted in pain as the lightning collided with him and crumpled to the ground, completely immobilised. Hallai kept charging the barrier, attempting to get through as Elissa kept raining arrows, hoping one would eventually strike true. When the Mabari finally managed to break through, the darkspawn snarled and raised another one, much higher and much more powerful. Hallai whimpered as she bounced off this new one and Elissa watched in mild horror as her arrow deflected and nearly hit Zevran with the ricochet. When it began building another lightning spell, Elissa knew what she had to do. The youngest member of the Wardens' group leapt into one of the nearby trees, climbing as high as she dared before leaping out of it, rising above the new barrier and straight above the darkspawn. The Necromancer was still focusing on the dog and didn't hear Elissa until she had made her jump, finding her just as she let loose her arrows. It released its lightning in retaliation and the twin attacks hit their marks. Elissa screeched as the lightning hit her, but her impact with the ground from such a height instantly rendered her unconscious. The Necromancer's skull was pierced by her twin arrows and it collapsed to the ground a few seconds later, defeated.

Zevran watched the young woman and tried to crawl over to her, the true extent of her injuries steadily becoming more obvious the closer he got. Much of the skin on her arms was burnt or blackened and her body was still smoking from the impact. She barely drew any breath and the movement of her chest was almost impossible to be seen from anything other than close up. Hallai limped over to her mistress and howled sorrowfully. Without the intervention of either Wynne or Anders, her injuries could very well be fatal

Down below, Morrigan felt the immense drop in magic from the camp and knew the moment the Necromancer was slain. The ogre soon dropped dead and she smirked at the corpse, proud at how simple it had been to contain the beast with the right combination of spells. She spun to face the male Warden and was frozen in her tracks as Carou limped over, sniffing the Warden and howling in grief.

His eyes were fixed open and sightless, the injuries having claimed his life.

Morrigan raced to his side and scanned the body, finding what had been the cause of his death. When he had reached for the dagger he had torn an artery in his leg, bleeding out in minutes. Refusing to believe that she had failed in her task, the witch used another of the arts which she had acquired from her mother's grimoire. If the Necromancer could defy death with its magic, then so could she with her superior arts. Using all her skills in Entropy, she absorbed all the energy she could from the ogre corpse behind her and the remains of the Necromancer corpse above. As it gathered in her hands, Carou turned to watch her curiously. She watched the dog as he sniffed the ball of magic in her hands and cocked his head, whimpering at her.

She smiled in her confident fashion at him. "Have no fear, he shall not remain in death's clutches for long." Once the absorption had finished, she paused to stare at the sightless eyes of the male Warden: of the true King of Ferelden. She had overheard the conversation of Anders and Rod earlier, neither man having considered that in her animal form her hearing was superior and while she already knew Alistair's identity, what had surprised her was that Arria was aware of it too, yet Morrigan had never suspected her of possessing the knowledge. Her skills of deception and concealment were admirable, leaving the witch to contemplate what else it was that she might be hiding. Morrigan used her free hand to close his eyes as she pushed the energy into this body, bringing her other hand up to guide the magic to its destinations. Changing its form using her entropy skills to give life, rather than just re-animating dead tissue, she split it between his fatal wound and his heart, restarting the still organ.

It wasn't long before Alistair dragged in a deep breath, his body resetting to how it was before the sequence of events which had led to his death. He was still pinned beneath the rocks, but unbeknownst to anyone else, she had repaired all the damage which meant he would have been killed when the boulder was removed. Now, when they did free him, he would most likely survive. Carou started bounding up and down, running around the area as Morrigan watched him with a soft smile. The hound was the only one of the group she felt she could smile earnestly in front of; thus far. Turning her gaze upon the now sleeping Warden, she drew a single finger down his face, her smile deepening.

"You will not perish, Templar. I still have a purpose for you yet."

* * *

Sten was the only one of Arria's group still capable of fighting as the last ogre continued its rampage. Rod's arm was healed to where it had stopped bleeding and the flesh was repaired, but the internal injuries were still horrific. The same could be said for Leliana's leg injury and neither appendage was yet usable. Arria knew one of her ribs had cracked from the impact with the tree and had punctured a lung, as well as causing some internal bleeding. At present, she was completely useless. Anders rushed over to her, fatigue written all over his face but knew she needed the healing. Her internal injuries were healed and she sighed in relief, but a deep groan from the qunari caught everyone's attention. Normally Sten was silent in battle and the deep gash in his back betrayed the true pain he must be feeling. He stumbled backwards, staring down the ogre as it prepared to charge again; but after its first to steps the body suddenly collapsed, its energy source gone with the death of the Necromancer.

Arria slumped in relief at it finally being over, but could see the extent of the injuries across the group. Rod was able to walk but not use his left arm while Leliana could not use her left leg. Wynne was trying her best to heal Sten's wound to where it would not be infected but both the mages were exhausted. The vast amounts of healing everyone had required had taken its toll on them, and they _all _needed yet more healing, but the worst of their injuries had been seen to. Now that the immediate danger had passed, Arria's thoughts turned to Alistair. The second she thought about him a piercing pain came to her chest, causing her breath to catch and her heart to freeze. _No, please _she begged silently, praying that what she was feeling was down to an overactive imagination. Her sudden pain was seen by Rod and Leliana, who caught the mages' attentions and directed them towards her. It took them less than a second to realise what she was thinking and shared a look, hoping that the defeat of the ogre had not cost the life of their companion.

It was an agonisingly slow walk back from the site of the battle to where Alistair lay, Rod and Leliana working together to overcome their injuries and get back as Arria supported Wynne. Both the healers had downed lyrium potions in preparation of the vast amount of healing they would have to do, knowing there was no margin for error. If either of them faltered, it would surely doom Alistair to death. When they finally could see the area again, Arria's heart still felt frozen. Not until she felt his own heart beating and saw that he did indeed draw breath would she be able to breathe again. Wynne was mostly supporting her own weight by the time they reached him and Arria dropped to her knees beside him, pressing a hand over his breastplate as she held her cheek just above his nose. When she felt a steady thump beneath her hand and a tickle against her cheek she laughed and cried in joy at the same time. She had been wrong, he was alive.

Morrigan was tending to Carou at the side and Arria couldn't help but notice it seemed that almost all of their group had suffered some form of serious wound that night. So far the only one who seemed to be mostly unharmed was Morrigan. The female Warden crouched beside her Mabari and petted him lightly as Morrigan attached more poultices to the great gash along his back and strapped his swollen paw further. The witch was surprised when the Nileesan woman gave her a grateful smile and watched her as she returned to tend to her male counterpart. Carou whimpered at Morrigan who shook her head. "She need never know, and he will not remember," whispered the witch. Some things should not be revealed, not until the time was right.

When Arria returned to Alistair he was stirring once more. Before he was even fully awake she kissed him desperately, staying there until she felt him respond. He was surprised at the show of emotion from her but could only guess what happened during the time he was unconscious. As he took in the injuries of all those who surrounded him, he wondered just what it was he had missed. Arria looked at the two healers of their group. "How are we going to do this?" she asked, not letting go of Alistair. She already felt like she had lost him once tonight and she was desperate to avoid a repeat.

Anders looked at the witch standing behind the Wardens. "Morrigan, I think we'll need your help. Can you cast a rock spell to lift one side of the boulder as Sten and Rod try to raise the other. With their injuries they can't do it alone." The witch nodded without the slightest argument, heightening Arria's curiosity. What had happened to make her agree to such a task when it had no benefit for her.

She looked down at Alistair as the others were getting into position. "Ready to get out of there?" she questioned with an attempt at a smile.

Alistair was suddenly very nervous, knowing that this could go so wrong. He pulled Arria down again, kissing her deeply as she settled behind his head and kept her there as he whispered to her. "I love you."

Arria felt tears spring to her eyes and stroked his cheek, kissing his forehead as she gave him a tear smile. "I know, and I love you," she whispered back, praying these were not going to be their final moments. She stayed just above him, keeping his gaze on her as she briefly looked at their companions. Morrigan was ready with the spell while Rod and Sten were ready: the qunari going to be doing most of the heavy lifting until Rod could get his good shoulder under it and help. "Do it."

No-one was prepared for the intense scream that left him as the pressure on his legs was finally released and the true damage was revealed for the first time. He had been very lucky, only the part of his leg between his knee and halfway up his thigh was completely crushed, most of the rest had just been pinned under the debris. Arria kept their gazes locked as Wynne and Anders started frantically healing the damage, knowing there was only a certain amount of time before his heart gave out under the strain. The female Warden saw the odd tear slip out from him at the pain, her own heart hurting for him as brushed them away, never letting his eyes leave hers. She was determined she wasn't going to let him go here, not after everything they had been through.

It seemed like an eternity before they had completed as much of the healing as they possibly could that night, nearly passing out from exhaustion. Morrigan, Sten and Rod had managed to manoeuvre the boulder so that it would land harmlessly in another location and the knight collapsed from his feet, utterly spent. Leliana sat behind him and offered a silent support as he tried to regain at least some energy, the two of them watching the Wardens. Neither of them had broken their gaze but both had released the tension in their bodies, knowing that he had survived. It was only when Wynne's voice broke through the silence that they switched their view. "Alistair must not put any weight on his legs for the next day. His bones are brittle and will shatter if you put them under any strain, understood?"

Alistair nodded, knowing he probably wouldn't have the energy nor want to more for at least a few days after the trials of the past day and night. Everyone seemed quite content to sit there and rest until a voice from above caught their attention. "I need one of Wynne of Anders hear as soon as possible."

Everyone's gaze shifted to the owner and were shocked to see him leaning over the edge, but from his stomach. He wasn't standing. "Zev, what's happened?" asked Arria, dreading the answer.

"It's Elissa."

* * *

Okay, definitely didn't intend for that to become a 10k chapter, when I started writing it I guessed around the 7k mark. Whoops. I couldn't just stop it part of the way through though, so I hope you don't all hate me 1) for the plot twist and 2) for the length.

Please let me know what you think! That's probably the most extensive action chapter I have ever done and I don't know how it came out for a reader's point of view, I'll need the help of all of you for that! Again, I don't know if I'll manage to get another chapter done before my week of madness starts on Tuesday, but I'll certainly try: I don't want to leave you on that cliff hanger for too long.

Negative Angel


	35. Long, Painful Road

Wow, I've never written as much in my life as I have in these past six days, but I wanted to make it up to all of you that since won't be getting another update for at least the next week; especially since I've been trying to make my updates every five days at the worst. My love goes out to **Melysande, Kid-X, WhitewaterWolves** and **Lady Mimzy**, my fantastic reviewers of the past chapter. I'm glad it went down so well.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

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**Chapter 34: Long, Painful Road**

Getting back up the cliff was no mean feat and the group required Bodahn's help to achieve it. Using some rope and planks the dwarf carried in his wagon, they managed to construct a lift of sorts to make it back to the camp. Anders and Leliana were the first to ascend, the younger healer having the energy to attempt to heal Elissa, though when he saw her wounds he realised all he could do was heal all that which might cause infection, he could not truly fix her until he had recovered more strength, and the only things which would help that was solid rest. Sten then used his strength to pull up the next duo of Morrigan and Wynne before helping Alistair and Arria ascend. Because Alistair could not put any weight on his legs whatsoever, it was a long wait until Rod and Sten managed to haul themselves up as the last pair and help take the male Warden back to their tent. Carou ran and took the long way round, arriving back at the camp just as the qunari and knight helped Alistair inside.

Taking the opportunity now that the sunlight was starting to peek over the trees, Arria surveyed the damage to their group. Almost everyone was wounded, the exception being the three mages but Wynne and Anders were past exhausted and now bordered on collapse. Sten still had a large gash down his back, but from the way he walked it seemed he was wearing the wound with pride, his first victorious encounter against the darkspawn. She shook her head, there were some things she was never going to understand about the Qunari. Leliana's leg wound had been healed so that it was no linger visible and could not be infected, but the internal damage remained; Rod's arm being the same. Both injuries were painful, but not critical. The Mabari were both hurt, Carou with the gouge out of his back and Hallai with multiple bruises to her body, as well as many small cuts to her face and legs. Arria smiled as she saw them settle next to each other on the outskirts and tend to each other's wounds. No doubt she and Alistair would end up doing the same later, as would Elissa and Rod.

Thoughts of the younger woman caused Arria to venture towards her, the breath freezing in her lungs as she at last found her. Both Wynne and Anders had done all they could in their depleted state, but the damage was still horrific. Much of her skin was blackened or burned and her clothes were fused to her body. It was going to be a painful and laborious process to remove them: hopefully she would remain unconscious through the whole thing. Rod's eyes were shadowed as he approached his other half, somehow managing to carry her using his one arm to the lake which was nearby. Arria pitied both of them. It was going to be an extremely painful time until both their injuries could be healed, though Elissa's were probably among the worst of their group, rivalled only by Alistair's. Zevran had forgone treatment to give Elissa the best possible chance, but the elf was in a bad state too: he was badly burned and some of his muscles still refused to respond. He could not yet walk, the muscles so tight that they would not obey the commands he wished of them, but he assured them that such functions would recover with time. Arria knew he was right, but it was still agonising to watch him suffer.

Her own injuries seemed minor in comparison, or at least they were now. With the broken leg and dislocated shoulder of earlier having been fixed before things took a turn for the worst, and her internal injuries having been healed on the battlefield, she had come off one of the lightest for a change. She could feel the beginnings of a mammoth bruise on her back and knew the scars on her chest had reopened, but it was things she could easily cope with. Some of the others were not so fortunate.

Knowing that Alistair was going to need a lot of help now that he had no use of his legs, she re-entered their tent, finding him staring at the appendages intently. It was roughly half a minute before he eventually realised she was there and sighed deeply. Arria set next to him, rubbing her hands along them.

He caught her hands with his own, the sadness in his gaze piercing her to her core. "I can't even feel it," he stated despairingly. While Wynne and Anders had managed to save his life, they hadn't managed to start repairing all the nerve damage. Anders had warned him that some of it might be too far gone, but reassured him that it wasn't likely. The thought had stuck in his mind since however and not being able to feel Arria's gentle movements made his misery deepen. "I might never feel it again."

Arria tipped his face up to meet hers, smiling at him softly. "This isn't permanent. Once Wynne and Anders fix you up we'll be back to normal, though I wouldn't be surprised if your balance is wonky for a few days. I'll make sure to go easy on you in training." She didn't even get a hint of a smile out of him and she grew worried. "Alistair?"

"There's a chance, this could be permanent. What are we going to do then? I'll be completely useless and you'll be facing the Blight alone. I'd rather be dead than stuck like this!"

His words pierced her heart and the feelings which had consumed her earlier roared back. She remembered how it had been, walking back from the site of the ogre's final defeat with the resounding pain in her chest. It had felt like a piece of her soul had been ripped away from her, like her part of her heart had died in that moment she had thought about him, and she had been convinced she would find him dead, even though she wished with everything she had that it hadn't been so. Finding him alive had been a true miracle to her, and to now hear he would have rather perished than be stuck in this potentially crippled state…it hurt.

Alistair was so caught up in his own frustrations and feelings of uselessness that he didn't really notice her go quiet, but he soon noticed the lack of her touch. Knowing it might have been due to his current lack of feeling in his legs, he looked towards her and was struck by the hurt in her eyes. He instantly wished he could take the words back: for a long time she had probably thought he was dying, that she would have been alone and his selfishness made him feel sick. When his hand raised to meet her cheek, he was disappointed to see she wouldn't lean into the gesture as she so often did and tried to haul himself forward, hissing at how he had to shift his useless legs to get closer to her. "Arria, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm just scared honey. I'm scared that because of what happened there is only you to stop the Archdemon. It would kill me to know that you were out there fighting the darkspawn alone, knowing I should be out there with you but couldn't be."

Arria eventually raised her own hand to cover his and let their eyes meet again, her own fear showing through. "I thought you were dead, Alistair. From until the moment the ogre fell to when I felt your heartbeat through my own hands, I was sure you were gone. For those few minutes, I could have sworn that half my soul had died with you. If you ever did die, I know it would destroy me. There would be no-one left to destroy the Blight for I would be but a hollow shell, everything I am dying with you."

Her confession left him feeling even worse and he pulled her in, keeping their lips the barest distance apart to see if she would still accept him. She didn't even hesitate and kissed him desperately, being extra careful not to put any pressure on his legs. Wynne had described them like fragile branches earlier: the slightest pressure could cause them to splinter and it would take many more days of healing to fix such an injury, they were lucky the small magic he had received had managed to go as far as it had. The two Wardens lost themselves in the feel of each other, the events of the previous day and the night just passed having pushed them to the absolute edge.

When Arria pulled back, she found a new courage had settled within her. She remembered the words of someone she had once held very close to her heart, never having truly understood his words until that moment.

_When you walk the line between life and death, it helps you see a lot more clearly. No doubts, no regrets, no 'what ifs'. Just you, and what it is your heart knows it wants…and it what needs. _

As a small chuckle left her, Alistair looked at her curiously. "Are you okay?"

Arria opened her eyes again, the blue orbs shining with an inner peace she had not known for over a year. She nodded, kissing him again lightly. "I'm okay, just remembering some words a very wise man once told me."

"Oh? What did he say?"

"He said that when you hover between life and death, it helps you see what always seemed clouded before. I've just realised he was right."

"And what is it you see?" Arria shook her head, not wanting to speak the words. She would show him soon enough. She instead settled behind him, helping him strip off his armour since he was currently very restricted in movement. "How are the others?"

She kept removing the pieces slowly, taking her time as she began to make steps towards her goal. "Most of them are banged up pretty good. Hallai had a few scrapes just like Carou, but the two of them are starting to help each other with it. Zevran took a pretty good hit of some lightning from that Necromancer but he refused healing, giving Elissa all the help he could."

Alistair paused, knowing from the look in her eyes that their close friend was in very bad shape. "How bad is it?"

"Extensive burns, I don't know if some of them will ever heal fully and her clothes were fused to her skin. Rod has taken her to the lake to try and get rid of them, while she is still unconscious." Arria had finished with the armour and helped him tug off the chainmail, needing his help in keeping his weight suspended as she shifted it upwards to eventually lift over his head in one clean motion.

The male Warden sighed, having gathered it was serious from Zevran's reaction earlier but it was still painful to hear. "Will she be okay?"

Now down to his tunic, she couldn't help but run her hands over it steadily, tracing the lines of muscles she had come to know intimately. "I guess time will tell, as with most of us. Once Wynne and Anders have recovered we can start treating everyone, but we will be stuck here for at least another day, probably more. Almost everyone was badly hurt."

"What about you?"

She smiled at him softly. "I came off worse after my fall, all of which was healed by Anders before things started going crazy. I've got a monster bruise starting on my back, I can feel it and…" Done with words for the moment, she started working on her armour, wincing at the stretching involved. Alistair helped all he could, knowing how to take it apart as well as she did now, but was stunned to near silence when she also reached up to try and undo her wrap. She was unable to reach and spun so that her back faced him. He was shocked that she felt brave enough to give this much control to him, even if it was a necessary evil. Once the wrap was undone and had fallen to her waist, she took her time in facing him, allowing him to see the rest of the damage.

The scars on her breasts were bleeding again, even with Anders' healing they were still very tender and all the exertion, as well as the smack she had taken from the ogre meant they were still prone to opening again. Alistair felt like hissing in anger, knowing Howe was the reason these problems continued to haunt her but it would achieve nothing. He instead sat in silence, examining her wounds since he had never been allowed such freedom before hauling himself within stretching distance of his pack. After grabbing the object he rifled inside, finding the bandages and poultices.

Arria smiled at him, not nervous about being so exposed and took the offered items. "Thank you. I think I'll need some help this time: because I did the bandages myself my wrap and armour didn't sit right, I think that contributed somewhat to the state of me now."

Alistair nodded, running through the potential list of people in his head, and realising there was one person who stood out to help, even if he still wasn't completely comfortable himself around her yet. "You should probably ask Wynne. She'll maybe be able to tell you if there is any way to stop them from being so tender."

She giggled internally at the blush which crept to his cheeks, speaking about a part of her body he had yet to see. This was a day which marked the beginning of the true change within her; he had been patient long enough. "I want you to help me, Alistair."

His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. "Arria, are you sure? Is this not pushing things too far?"

The shake of her head might have been small, but it was definite. "Tonight made me realise what it is I want, Alistair, and I want this. I want _us, _and it holds more sway over me than the fear does. I trust you, I love you. I want to share this with you."

Had he not seen the truth in every word she spoke, he might have refused. Yesterday still burned clear in his mind, but he could see the vast change within her. Last night really had done something to her, and if she was brave enough to offer the change, then she deserved for him to fulfil her request. "The first hint I see of it being too far, I am stopping. I won't have you return to how you were yesterday, I'll do anything to make sure you never feel that way again."

Her smile was tender, but the significance of it was not lost on him. "Thank you." They met for a short, but meaningful kiss before she reached over to her own pack, fetching a wash rag and her waterskin. It was a few seconds before she found the knot of the bandages and managed to undo it, taking her time before passing the loose end to him as she showed him her back. Alistair was completely blown away by her trust, amazed at this step she was taking all of her own free will. When he struggled to get all the way around her body as he untangled the wrappings, she scooted closer and let him see her eyes: letting him see that this _was _what she wanted.

By the time he finally started pulling the bandages away from her skin, he felt her instinctively stiffen, but with their eyes locked he knew she refused to give into the fear, want still driving her. It was a few long, slow sweeps before the last pieces fell away, leaving her top half completely exposed for the first time. Nerves started coursing through her but she knew it was natural. She had never been this way with a man of her own choice before and her inexperience was showing. Alistair's eyes never left hers. He didn't want her to feel fear as he looked over her naked chest, but his hands started moving up and down her back to try and ease her into it. The familiar move made her smile and she tipped her head back so that it rested on his shoulder, leaving her in a perfectly kissable position. Once he had taken advantage of where she was situated he encouraged her to sit up, shifting his gaze to her bare back.

She was right, there was a very large and very deep bruise forming: the force she must have taken for the remains to be so noticeable made him wince internally, but he refused to linger on it. Arria breathed deeply as his hands continued moving up and down her back, her breath catching as they finally began to creep forward. They settled on her stomach, waiting patiently as he kissed all the way up her spine. It was beautiful torture and she wished for him to finally take the step they both wanted; she wasn't going to the let the memories spoil this first truly intimate moment between them. "Arria?"

The gentle whisper made her shudder with anticipation and she leant back into his chest fully, kissing him deeply. "Don't stop," she replied breathlessly, wishing for nothing more than to feel his hands upon her. The emotion he poured into their next kiss almost made her head spin, but she had to bite back the deep moan which threatened to emerge from her as his hands brushed over her bare breasts for the first time. His calloused hands made her every nerve feel on fire and she never wanted it to end. He made sure not to brush over her scars, exploring the tender and unblemished skin before going near anything which might remind her of Howe.

Alistair hadn't been prepared for the sensation of this new level of intimacy between them. Her breasts were so soft beneath his hands, somehow they almost felt softer than the rest of her skin and he couldn't get enough. From the way she trembled in his arms but surrendered to the gentle probing of her mouth, she was enjoying this just as much as he was, if not even more so. It was a shame that they could not continue like this, but with him unable to leave and relieve himself should things become too sensual between them, it didn't leave much chance for them to go further. When his hands dropped she whimpered in disappointment, the sudden coolness of the night air a big change from the warmth he provided.

She opened her eyes to meet his own and could see the apology they contained. A smile and a kiss allowed him to see she understood better than he thought she might. Arria sat up again and fetched the wash rag, dampening it with some of the liquid from her waterskin before she started the painful process of cleaning the scars. After a few seconds she faced Alistair again, giggling lightly when he looked away quickly in an attempt to not get caught staring. She shook her head and kissed him again, so grateful that he still was mindful of the hurdles they had yet to overcome. Quickly making up her mind, Arria shifted so that she was facing him completely, holding out the piece of fabric to him. His eyes widened dramatically, stunned silent that she was willing to let him in so close: though after the intimate moment they had shared just a short time ago, it didn't seem like such a big step. "Are you sure?" he managed to ask after he had found his voice again, still concerned that things could change in an instant.

Arria nodded slowly, smiling gently at him. "Yes, I am not afraid of this. I'll need your help for some of the scars, I can't see them and I don't want to risk making them worse. If I want to clean them properly…I'll need the help of another." The scars in the soft tissue of the undersides of her breasts were among the most painful on her body, but she tried to avoid them if there was no mirror to help her fix them. An instinctual fear rose up inside her at letting him near where so much damage was done but she wasn't going to give in to it. The worst part was over, she had already let him near once: allowing him this was much easier now that she had already taken that step.

Alistair took the rag hesitantly as she scooted closer, making sure she was within easy reach. He couldn't help but examine her breasts now that they were in such clear view and his stomach turned at seeing the full damage for the first time. Many of the marks were dark but they were varied. Some were deeper, some were longer, some had faded slightly and a few of them criss-crossed over each other, but they all shared one thing. Every single one of them told the story of her suffering, and as much as he wished they didn't exist, he couldn't stop staring at them. It was her defiance and spirit which had led to this permanent reminder, but it was that same fire and determination which had helped her survive.

When he finally looked up he noticed a deep blush on her face, her cheeks aflame at having him examining her so close. He couldn't help but chuckle at the reaction, glad it was that rather than a fearful one as he set about the task she had entrusted him with. The rag was swept in long, slow strokes as he first took care of all the areas which were still bleeding or the blood was fresh, taking care not to catch any of the scars. Once that was taken care of, he started on the ones which had stopped bleeding a while ago, cleaning it as best he could to stop infection. Arria cried out quietly when he brushed over one of the more painful ones and Alistair instantly stopped. Before he could pull away completely she guided his hand back to her. "It's unavoidable, they all cause me pain, especially now when they are so tender. I will react to some of them but please don't stop if I do." There were shadows starting to form in her eyes, he could see it and she felt it but this needed to be done. "Please, Alistair."

He was still unsure but trusted her words, returning to the slow process. Arria bit back a few more yelps of pain and he felt every time she flinched, wishing this wasn't so hard. When it came to the undersides of her breasts she helped him, lifting them up so that he could better access the area. Bile crept up his throat as he found the darker marks which were still bleeding but froze when he realised that some of them were different: deeper and made from a sharp instrument. He turned questioning eyes towards her as he drifted his hand right beneath one. Arria sighed deeply: she had been hoping he wouldn't have been looking close enough to see the difference between whip marks and carvings made with knives. "In the early days they found they couldn't get me to scream enough, it took more physical pain to get the screeches they wanted out of me," she admitted in a quiet voice. "Sometimes they just enjoyed flashing their daggers across the tender flesh to see how much it hurt, see how much control they had over me. I couldn't stop them, no matter how much I wished for the pain to end. You have no idea how many times I wished I could impale myself on those blades and make it all stop, to finally be free."

The revelation shocked him to his core. "How could anyone be so cruel?" he asked into the darkness of their tent, not needing an answer because he had seen the evidence himself. She had warned him there were painful stories and he prayed this was the worst. "Please tell me this is the worst they did to you." When her eyes dropped, his heart sank. There was still more, there was more horrific memories than that. A fury unlike anything he had ever felt burned inside him but he was careful to not let his actions reflect it as he took extra care with these, more severe, scars.

Arria watched him with a heavy heart, wishing that he didn't have to hear all she had been through, even though every time a secret was revealed her soul started to heal a little more. There was one technique of Howe's, however, that she was determined to keep secret. If he ever found out…No, he never would. That knowledge might very well make him snap and she didn't want him to carry that knowledge. She could see, even now, as his hands tended to her with a gentleness she hadn't felt before that his eyes reflected a deep hatred within him. _I wonder if he hates Howe more than even Loghain now…_

When he was finished he sat back, looking over her breasts once more to make sure he hadn't missed anything. A tentative hand came up to cup one, brushing over the unblemished skin for a moment and Arria gasped. Silent tears slipped down her cheeks as he left each one with a single kiss, her heart feeling like it would burst with relief that he didn't view her any different. Their eyes met for but one second and it was more than enough to see what they were each thinking. This new ground was going to be treacherous and they knew she could very easily suffer another setback like yesterday morning but neither was willing to shy away from the challenge. They had chosen to walk this path of healing together and though it may be painful, the rewards that were being reaped from it made it all worthwhile.

Alistair found the bandages which were lying on the floor as Arria drank one of the health poultices, glad when the tender flesh started to knit back together. Now hopefully the wrappings would provide enough protection to last until they needed to be changed again. Arria sat parallel with him, holding her breasts in the right position as he began twisting the bandages around her. He growled in frustration when they wouldn't sit right, knowing this would be so much easier if they were standing but that was currently a task beyond him. She heard his quiet expression of aggravation and levelled him with a hard stare. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked, eyes flashing.

"Wishing that you could be more useful, I can see it written all over your face." She smiled sympathetically when he slumped in defeat. "I've been there, I know it's hard but Wynne and Anders will have you fixed up once Lissa is healed. At least you will hopefully only be stuck like this for one day, I was left without the ability to walk for a lot longer."

His gaze swiftly turned apologetic. "I completely forgot you had been through that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. This is going to be a tough few days while you get your strength back: we don't know the full extent of all the muscle and nerve damage yet, that may take a lot longer to heal."

"And all that time I won't be able to help if something like this happens again."

"We'll be okay for a few days until you and Lissa are back to fighting ways, or at least we will be once the others are healed. At least both of us can still sense the darkspawn." She noticed the sudden look of concentration on his face. "What is it?"

"I just noticed…I can sense the main horde now."

That caused her to recoil in shock. "You can?"

"I don't know how but I can sense a lot further now. As far as I can tell they are still in the area just south of Lothering, they haven't moved at all since claiming the town."

"That's a huge increase in range. Did you have that last night?"

"No…I only noticed it after I had been pinned."

"Maybe the physical shock to your body advanced the Taint slightly." Unfortunately neither of them really knew enough about the stages of the Taint to be able to figure out the true reason and with the rest of the Wardens unable to even be contacted, it left them to find out what was coming as it happened. Arria wished that she was at least closer to Alistair's stage, then they would be facing the changes together rather than him having to deal with them all first, be it good or bad. She urged him to keep going with the bandages, sitting as close as was physically possible so that he could at least reach around her easier.

Once they were finished he tied them in a secure knot, making sure they wouldn't slip. Arria smiled her gratitude and kissed him as she shifted around. She guided him to lay back, trying one last time to see if there was any feeling in his legs at all. Her heart sank when he shook his head and she settled in to his side. Alistair looked at her when she didn't reach for her wrap but she smiled at him in response. "There's no point, not when I might have to change these again later."

He smiled at her in pride. "What's given you so much courage today?"

"We so nearly lost everything last night, Alistair. I…I thought you were gone, and I'm not going to let Howe win. There are still some things I know would be pushing it too far, some challenges we have to face yet but I didn't want to make you wait any more, not after all you have done for me." What she wasn't telling him was that she had also done it to show him that even in his crippled state, there was still so much he could do for her, that he wasn't as useless as he had convinced himself he was.

There weren't any more words needed between them as they surrendered to slumber. With Alistair's improved darkspawn sense they knew there was no danger of that kind nearby. He couldn't help but smile when she reminded him that only he could protect them in that sense, even with him unable to use his legs. Maybe there was still some good he could do.

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Their first major challenge came a couple of hours later when it came to certain bodily functions that couldn't be ignored. Alistair had to swallow his pride when he explained to her but she tried her best not to react. She fetched Rod from his tent and between the two of them, they managed to carry Alistair to edge of the camp and left him in peace so that he could relieve himself. The journey back was harder, both Arria and Rod struggling to carry Alistair's weight between them over a second distance with their injuries but they eventually managed it. The male Warden was determined not to sit inside the tent any longer and asked for them to place him down in the centre of the camp so he could at least be useful and/or sociable. Leliana was there preparing a meal and Alistair jumped at the chance to help her, finally able to do something. Arria watched him with a gentle smile for a few minutes before she returned to Rod and Elissa's tent, wanting to check on the youngest member of their group.

Even after she called through the canvas and he told her she could enter, she still wasn't braced for what she saw. Much of Elissa's body was covered in bandages soaked in cold water to help cool the burns but he hadn't managed to remove all of her clothing. There was still some fused to her breasts and abdomen which he had left exposed as he kept at the process of trying to remove them. Arria couldn't help but think of her own wounds and prayed that Elissa would not be forced to carry these for the rest of her life. "I'll need some help getting all this off but Wynne is still asleep, it's taken me this long to peel away what I can," he said with a heavy voice. "I don't want to risk this getting infected before Wynne can look at her again, will you help me?"

Arria didn't even hesitate as she knelt next to him and began gently guiding away the singed fabric from her body. It was a laborious task and had Elissa been awake they wouldn't have been able to achieve it without putting her through excruciating pain. As it was she still whimpered, even unconscious and every time she did Arria could see Rod's heart break a little bit more. After roughly half an hour of barely any progress she caught one of his hands, urging him to take a break. "Give yourself a few minutes, Rod. We've done all we can for now." He sat back with a reluctant nod and Arria now noticed the silver chain which Elissa normally wore was around his neck. "Are you looking after it for her?"

He jumped in surprise, his hand reaching up to touch the item. "Yeah, did she tell you about it?"

"No, I just noticed it after Redcliffe. Did you give it to her?"

"Yeah…it's my promise to her."

Arria smiled, her own hand reaching up to the necklace around her neck. "You know…Lissa might appreciate another piece of jewellery as a symbol of your commitment to her." Rod smiled, picking up on her not-so-subtle hint. "Are you ever going to ask her to marry you?"

"Maybe…but it's not as if we could really manage to get married with all that is going on. There's just the small matter of the world kind of falling apart in the way."

The female Warden chuckled. "It doesn't mean that she wouldn't want you to ask her: there would then be something else for you both to fight for."

He hummed in thought. "Perhaps, you might be right. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Come on, Arria it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you and Alistair are in just as deep as Lissa and I. What would you do if he asked you?"

A gentle smile came to her face thinking about a day when he might ask for her hand. "You know damn well what I would say, but the timing is wrong for us and we both know it. There is so much we still have to overcome on the way before we could even think of anything like that. The two of you on the other hand...Once we've driven Howe out of Highever you will have a home again. You both don't have to stay with us past then."

"We might not have to stay but we would want to anyway. Elissa would probably have to stay in Highever to rule there but there's no reason I couldn't come with you guys."

"Would you really be able to leave Elissa on her own like that?"

Rod paused. "No…I guess not. We've never told you this but we both want to stay, even after we kill Howe. Last night, after you admitted to us about Alistair's identity we had a discussion. If it came down to it and Alistair chose to try and become King, we would stand by your side, regardless of the consequences. Taking on Loghain might be the most difficult thing you face besides destroying the Blight itself and we want to be there when it happens."

"I…" Arria was lost for words. Rod was surprised when she expressed her gratitude in a tight hug and gently reciprocated the gesture. She pulled back with relieved tears in her eyes: they wouldn't be alone when they faced Loghain. "Thank you." A smirk appeared on her face. "Now, back to my original point…" The knight laughed. "Seriously though, are you going to ask her?" Rod raised an eyebrow and smiled but didn't answer her. "Fine, ignore me but I honestly think you should. There's no way she would say anything but yes."

"Hmmm, maybe." The pair turned back to the task of removing the remains of Elissa's clothing but were shocked when Wynne appeared in the tent, her soft voice startling them. It turned out they had been at it for over two hours before Wynne arrived following Alistair's advice. Arria left as the older woman began fixing Elissa's wounds, surprised when she saw Anders outside sitting beside Alistair.

Anders was the first to see her and waved her over. "Gimme a hand, I'll fix the two of you up inside your tent," he said while settling in to lift Alistair. Arria joined him and the pair managed to get Alistair back into shelter as the mage started looking him over. When his face fell both Wardens were concerned. "I'm not going to lie, this is more than just a one-time healing job. It'll probably take me several days to get you fixed up, I'm not putting your body through more strain after last night." Alistair's eyes dimmed and Arria took his hand, trying to keep his spirits up. "The good news is I am almost certain none of this is permanent, I should be able to repair all the damage but it'll take longer than any of us hoped. After tonight you should be able to walk a little again but it won't take long before you feel the effort and will have to rest. The only thing I am going to insist on is that you don't push it. After each bout of healing you will notice an improvement but if you push it too far you'll give me a lot more headaches and yourself a lot more limitations."

"Thank you, Anders," said the male Warden gratefully. At least by next week he should be back to normal, he wasn't going to be stuck like this.

Anders switched his attention to Arria. "Now to you. Let me have a look at you." Arria smiled and allowed Anders to examine her but he scowled after a short time. "I don't like this…"

"What is it?" she asked, suddenly wondering if she really did get off as lightly as she thought.

"That bruise…I healed all the damage to your back when I took care of your ribs, it shouldn't be there." He started taking a closer look at the dark mark and when he realised what was going on his face went pale. "Arria, did you have any open wounds that might have been able to get infected before I healed you?"

She thought back and couldn't remember any, but with all the adrenaline pumping through her she wouldn't have really felt it if she had been wounded. "Not that I can think of. Anders what is it?"

"It's…the Taint. This is from a sudden infusion of darkspawn blood with your own." Both Wardens looked at each other in shock: this shouldn't have been able to happen to her. "So far it hasn't spread further than this mark and I'm going to have to drain it before it gets worse, there isn't any telling what kind of damage this could do to you."

"But I'm a Warden, I'm immune to the Taint!" she exclaimed, suddenly very frightened.

"Evidently not this, though I'm beginning to suspect this is due to the Necromancer's magic having manipulated that ogre. I'm not taking any chances regardless, I can heal you completely once it is gone. Can you pass me a dagger so I can get this out?" Arria's eyes widened in fear, which Alistair didn't miss. No doubt she was remembering Howe and his men abusing her body with their own blades and even though she trusted Anders, it was still bringing up harrowing memories.

Alistair shifted over as best he could and held her face as unwelcome memories began to crowd in. Arria sought his gaze, needing an anchor to remind her of the difference between then and now as she fought to keep the images contained. Anders realised what was happening too late and felt sick as he figured out what had caused such a reaction. Once she had calmed down slightly he placed a gentle hand upon her own. "I'm sorry, Arria. I didn't realise that he…I'm afraid I have to do this, if I thought this could be left alone or done another way I would try it but…" Arria nodded, knowing that it was necessary before she passed back one of her daggers. Alistair moved so that he was holding her tightly and she buried herself into his hold, terrified of what was about to happen. Anders ran his finger down where he was going to make the incision to let her know where it was coming before he held the blade just above her skin. "Ready?" he asked, feeling sick when all she could do was answer with a whimper. Alistair looked up at the mage and nodded, telling him to do it before she lost her courage.

Arria screeched as the metal sliced through her skin and she could feel Alistair's hold tighten in response, reassuring her that she was safe. She sobbed as she felt the blood ooze out of her back but it wasn't long before a black sludge also started to appear. Anders found some of her discarded wrappings from earlier that day and used them to absorb the liquid, horrified when it started to smoke at first contact. Alistair watched in shock, disturbed that such a thing had been inside Arria but it wasn't long before he had to fetch something else to absorb it, the wrappings shrivelling up into nothing. It seemed like an eternity to Arria before Anders finally started healing the wound, satisfied that all of the toxin was at last gone. Once she was fully healed, he turned his attention back to the liquid he had extracted, using his staff to pick it up now that the sludge had soaked all the way through. Alistair stayed her silent protector as she slowly relaxed now that it was over.

Anders switched his attention to Alistair, healing some more of the immense damage done to his legs. The male Warden didn't really pay attention that much as Arria started to win the battle against the memories which had surfaced. When she began to sit up slowly he kissed her lightly, reassuring her as best he could. By the time the two stopped focusing entirely on each other Anders had finished. "Right, that's all I'm going to do for now, I was serious about not putting your body through more than it can handle. After the massive stress and the intense damage you sustained I'm worried your heart might give out under the strain of too much healing. Sounds crazy I know but it can happen. At least you should be able to feel your legs again."

Alistair was cautious about trying to move them and just managed the barest movement before some of his muscles screamed in agony. He yelped in pain as the feeling subsided, but it was fair reminder that he still wasn't fixed yet. "Yeah, not entirely sure I wanted to feel _that _though…Thanks Anders."

The mage smiled at the pair. "I'll come back in the evening to give it another shot, after that your muscles should be able to take some exertion and you can try walking. I emphasize the word _try_, you'll probably still need someone's help with movement for the next few days until you get your own strength back. Now, I'm going to take this…stuff to Morrigan and see what she makes of it. I've never seen anything like it and I'm glad it's out of you, Arria. I just hope there is no lasting effects from whatever it is. I'll see the two of you later."

"Anders, wait." He spun back to face Arria at her shout. "Do you think Elissa will be okay?"

He was slow in answering but decided to be honest with the Wardens. "At this stage…I can't tell you. Elissa had suffered a massive head wound from her landing and we won't know what damage that caused until she wakes up. I'll let you both know as soon as I can. Now, I'd better fix Zevran, the poor sod has refused all healing so far but there isn't anything more I can do for Alistair and Elissa is being taken care of by Wynne. He might like to think he's a tough guy but those injuries have got to hurt. You take care of each other."

After he had gone the two Wardens sat in silence for a few minutes. "Before last night I thought we had a pretty good handle on the darkspawn, but what happened has made me really doubt whether we are ready or not," admitted Alistair.

Arria couldn't help but agree, last night had been way too close a call. "Me too, but we've all survived it, and I think that in itself is an achievement. We could so easily have lost someone with that Necromancer, I just pray that he was rare among the darkspawn. If he isn't…then this might be one hurdle too many for us to overcome."

It was a harsh truth but that's exactly what it was: true. With just their small group they had found the maximum they could handle. Had that Necromancer not appeared things would not have gone nearly so badly but now that they knew of the threat he possessed, they were going to be extra careful of the dangers which lay ahead. "So, what do we do now?" He wouldn't openly admit it but he was starting to get very bored of sitting all the time.

She smiled, realising that he needed to do something to keep his mind off his current limitations and knew just what to do. "Maybe we should go through some close combat moves? It isn't ideal to do it like we are now, but I can still teach you a few things."

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "You are going to teach me more of your fighting style when I am currently unable to stand?"

"Why not? Rather that than have you feel sorry for yourself," she shot back.

He saw the sparkle of challenge in her eyes and nodded in acceptance. "All right, I'll admit this is going to be strange."

"Just wait until I start teaching you how to fight with either one arm or one leg. That's when things really get interesting."

It may not have been ideal but Arria was glad to see his spirits lift as she showed him various new techniques. He might be physically crippled right now but his heart and soul were still intact, if this was what it took to show him that he was still a valuable member of their group then that was what she was going to do. These next few days were going to be very trying, but they would overcome them together. This was just one more step on their road to defeating the Archdemon.

* * *

Phew, I did it! And I've just hit another milestone…I'm passed 250k words! Unreal. I can't believe I've written just under 30,000 words in the past six days but I hope this is an appropriate peace offering until next week when I get the chance to update again.

I would love to hear all your thoughts and I shall see you all next time!

Negative Angel


	36. Fate's Influence

Phew, I'm back! It felt alien to not be writing anything for a whole week but now I can get back to business! My love goes out to **Melysande, Kid-X, Lady Mimzy **and **Eve Hawke **for all your fantastic reviews. And I've just realised that I've hit the six month mark for this tale. At the rate it is going I _might _manage to get it finished by the year mark (yes that is how far we have to go!). I originally thought this might be around the 50 chapter range, obviously that isn't going to happen now and I have no idea when this rollercoaster is going to stop (honestly I'm not sure I want it to, I am loving it that much!)

Oh well, enough of my rambling. Time for what you are all after.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

By the way, I am taking my fair share of creative licence here, time for one of my famous plot twists!

* * *

**Chapter 35: Fate's Influence**

When evening set over the camp, the group were looking in much better shape. Rod, Leliana and Zevran were now all healed while Sten had accepted only small healing, insistent on wearing his wound with pride. The Mabari were slowly being nurtured back to health by Morrigan, something which had confused everyone, but they were grateful for her contribution. Elissa still had not awakened but the burns were slowly covering less of her body. It would take at least another day of healing for them to be completely fixed providing infection did not set in, but that was not the worst of her injuries. From what they could tell, Anders and Wynne had deducted that her head injuries were worse than originally feared. There was a good chance she would have some memory loss, maybe even to the degree that she might have lost her whole identity. The news had been devastating to Rod, who had since vanished into their tent to tend to Elissa in solitude. Arria hadn't had the heart to disturb him, knowing the turmoil he faced after her illusion in the Fade. While it may have all been a fabrication, she imagined the true impact of such a situation in reality was not too different.

The one person who had suffered yet another setback was Alistair. Anders had managed to repair his muscles to the point where they could now stand his weight for perhaps a minute, but the pain was excruciating and he still could not move without assistance. He hated that Arria had to help him everywhere and his patience was starting to run thin. What really irritated him was that he couldn't even vent his feelings appropriately, and things were starting to build to a point where he knew he was going to snap at someone unfairly, probably Arria: which infuriated him further. The stress of the past day and a half was building and sooner rather than later, he was going to lose it. What was worse was that he was going to be stuck like this for at least another two days. His previous thoughts of uselessness and despair were starting to creep in again and Arria was at a total loss for how to snap him out of it.

Responsibility for the meal was shared by Leliana, Zevran and Arria with the only members of their group not present being Rod and Elissa. A few of them were situated around their camp fire and the usual suspects who isolated themselves did so but Alistair was in no mood to be sociable. He was sitting on the other side of a tree between his tent and Rod's but he was intent on wallowing in his feelings. Even when Arria approached with food he barely spoke to her, accepting it gruffly as she sat opposite him, concern evident in her gaze. She had given up on speaking to him for the moment, realising that no matter what she said he was slowly losing himself everything inside. Something had to happen soon, whether he was going to completely give up or unleash it all in a burst of fury she didn't know, but either way, she was glad they were slightly out of the way. This couldn't end well.

About ten minutes after he had finished eating she was still watching him silently and he was beginning to have enough of it. "If you have something to say, say it," he snapped.

_Here it comes…_she thought, now knowing it was going to be a furious outburst. As much as she was relieved he wasn't thinking of giving up because of this, she was still mildly frightened of him when he was angry. She could easily get away so he couldn't hurt her physically, even if it was unintentional. Emotionally, that was going to be very easy. "What's on your mind?" It was the same question she had asked for the past two hours and though she didn't expect him to answer this time either, maybe he could finally release all of his pent up emotion.

Alistair snarled and clenched his fist tightly. "Is that really all you can come up with? Can't you just leave me to be miserable if that is all you have to say?"

Arria tried not to let the words hurt but it was difficult. "Keeping it all in isn't going to help. There's not a lot I can do if you won't let me in." Her words were soft but this time they weren't helping.

"I hate this! I'm beyond useless in this state and all I am is a burden! What the hell was the point of surviving that whole experience if all I'm resigned to for the next few days is being a cripple? I can't do a thing without help!"

As much as she wanted to reach out to him, she couldn't do it. While he was like this, she was too scared to go near just in case he lost control for a split second. That would be all it took for the memories to come back. "Alistair, this will get better. It is only temporary."

"Yeah, and until then I'm basically baggage you have to lumber around. Why are you doing this, Arria? Out of sympathy? Just leave me be."

Now that did hurt. She fought back her own emotions and tried to keep her voice as level as possible as she spoke to him quietly. "You know why I stay. I don't want you to be alone."

"Yeah well, that's what _exactly _what I want: to be alone. Just go, I don't need you."

He was so wrapped up in his misery that he didn't see the blow he had landed to her. A great crevice opened in her heart at his harsh words and had he been looking, he would have seen the colour drain from her face. Realising that he really didn't want her there she stood silently and ambled back to their tent in a haze, staying there for a few minutes before she vanished into the darkness of the night. Neither had realised the observer who stood just a few feet away, his attention having been caught by Alistair's raised voice. The knight stayed where he was for endless minutes after the encounter, waiting to see if the male Warden would realise what it was he had just done but when it became apparent he was either oblivious or blatantly didn't care, that was when he made his presence known.

Alistair's head snapped forward violently from a stinging smack to the back of it and he was shocked to the culprit. "Rod, what the hell was that for?" he asked, rubbing the spot which was still burning. He was shocked at the fury in his friend's eyes and wondered what was going on.

"Just what is going on in your head? You seem determined to self-destruct at the moment," remarked Rod, his eyes piercing deep.

The male Warden was starting to become uncomfortable under his gaze and looked away. "That might just do everyone a favour, I'm pretty useless as it is. At least then nobody would have to look after me out of sympathy."

"It's not sympathy she takes care of you out of, it's love. I would have thought you'd appreciated that but instead you drove her away with bitter words when all she had tried to do since this happened is help you. I'm not nursing Elissa out of sympathy, I'm doing it because I love her. I thought you loved Arria the same way, I guess all of us were wrong in that one." That struck a chord with Alistair and guilt suddenly crashed down on him, knowing Arria hadn't deserved what he had said. He raised his head to look for her and Rod scoffed. "Now you finally catch on. Maker knows where she is, she took off into the woods just after you chased her away. I wouldn't blame her if she took her time in forgiving you for this."

Alistair's posture slumped in shame. "Neither would I…" He couldn't believe what he'd done. "Did you see her?"

"I saw half of your little temper tantrum, but have no idea where she has taken off to. At least she didn't take her pack with her, though I did see her contemplate it. I'll head off and see if I can find her since you are currently incapable. Whether she chooses to come back with me…that another thing entirely."

The male Warden watched with a heavy heart as he saw the knight follow the path he knew Arria had taken. He banged his head off the tree behind him, trying to get even the smallest part of sanity to return. This _was _only temporary. If he was going to be stuck like this forever then he might have some justification for his negativity but it would only be a few days before he was back on his feet.

_I've really screwed up this time._

* * *

Arria had stopped not far outside the camp, knowing that she shouldn't be too far away in the pitch black of night alone, especially when all she had with her was her daggers. Without armour she couldn't afford to vanish completely. Alistair's words had really stung and while she knew he didn't mean them past that moment in time it still hurt to be rejected. She had always let him close when they were together and now he couldn't stand to have her near him in his crippled state? It made her wonder just how far the trust extended the other way in their relationship.

The thought made her pause in her amblings. _Since when has Alistair had the luxury to truly rely on other people? Comrades are one thing but ever since he has been a child he was left alone to fend for himself. From the moment he could look after himself entirely he was sent to the Chantry and condemned to a life not of his choice. The only way he could survive was by relying on his own skills at his most vulnerable because no-one else was going to help him. I guess he hasn't really managed to get out of that way of thinking yet. _The revelation made her feel slightly better but she wished he could trust her like that. Habits of a lifetime were the toughest to break however, and this one was going to take a massive leap of faith from him.

A snapping of branches from behind alerted her to the fact she wasn't alone and she spun with her weapons drawn but soon relaxed upon seeing the identity of her companion. "Rod, is everything okay?"

The knight sighed deeply and stepped closer. "I was going to ask you that question," he said softly.

Arria sheathed her weapons and leant against a tree. "It's fine. He needed the outlet or he was going to lose it completely."

"Doesn't excuse what he said."

"No, it doesn't…but I just realised something. How often has he been able to ask others for help when he is vulnerable? All his life he was made to feel like an outcast, something which wasn't meant to exist. Anyone he asked for help was just as likely to stab him in the back as they were to help. Would you reach out if that was all that had happened to you before?"

Rod relaxed his stance and sat down on the ground just in front of her. "No…I guess not. I still thought he trusted you though."

"Trust comes in many different levels, I know that better than anyone. It takes time for it to move through your entire being and you won't know if it exists on another level until you face the situation for the first time. If this happened again _then _I might feel truly hurt but after all he has had to deal with in loving me, I cannot begrudge him this."

"I keep forgetting that your relationship has so many more hurdles than Lissa and I had. Maybe it is inevitable that something like this was going to happen."

"Yes, although I expected it to be the other way around to be honest…I still can't let him in all the way yet, though I am getting nearer. That reaction, I think it was a self-defence mechanism to be honest."

"Really? Looked like a self-destruct to me." Arria couldn't help but smile. "So you are okay?"

"I'm fine, after all the stress of the past two days I knew he was going to crack eventually. He has always been so strong, this is something he has never faced before and doesn't know how to cope. How would you react?"

"Probably quite similar…"

Arria left her position by the tree and sat in front of her friend. "And how are you, Rod? I've not come to see you so that you had time to come to terms with what was in your own head."

She wanted to hug him when the tears started to appear, his strong façade breaking at long last. "I'm terrified. For all we know, when she wakes up the Elissa we know might be gone forever. I can't help but thinking while she may have survived that attack, _my _Elissa is already dead…"

When he finally started to let the tears fall Arria pulled him in for a gentle hug. Rod held on lightly, mindful that anything else could frighten her and she was already showing a tremendous amount of trust in such a simple gesture. "She'll be fine, you'll see. Elissa loves you, there is no way she can forget that. The rest of us might be lost to her, but she will always remember you. I really do believe that."

Rod was unwilling to truly put his trust in that statement, knowing that Arria could very well be wrong. They soon meandered back to the camp and Rod retreated to his tent, tending to Elissa again. Arria was about to seek out Anders when she felt a gentle hand on her arm. Spinning around she met the apologetic eyes of Alistair. She smiled slightly and guided him back to their tent, knowing his legs would give out very soon. They had just made it back inside when he cried out at a sharp lancing pain, collapsing to his knees and swiftly moved so that no pressure was left on his legs.

It took a couple of minutes for the spasms to retreat and Arria sat there patiently, waiting to see what his mood now was before she spoke. "You didn't deserve it, my anger," he admitted quietly as the pain faded. "All you have done since this happened is take care of me and I'm sorry for being so ungrateful."

Arria stayed where she was but smiled at him. "This is difficult for you, I can see that. I can empathisewith you. You have been so patient with me through all of my struggles, how could I do any less with you? I'm not taking your outburst personally, it was only a matter of time."

"You almost sound like you are trying to find an excuse for me."

"No, I'm not. It is simply the truth and I'm proud of you for apologising so quickly: I doubt many other men could admit their mistakes so quickly."

Alistair smiled slightly. "As if women aren't guilty of that as well?"

She smirked. "Oh we definitely are, but we don't have to apologise so often because we are normally right." The wink she gave him as she finished made him burst out laughing. With his dark mood now banished for the moment he held out his hand for her, wondering if she would accept his offer. Arria didn't even hesitate and took it eagerly, slipping in next to him. Alistair was immeasurably relieved that she had forgiven him for his harsh words, especially as she was so undeserving of them. "I know what you are thinking." She sat up again and looked at him steadily. "Stop dwelling on it, I don't hold any resentment. If anything, I guess it was a natural reaction for you, am I wrong?"

He still found it amazing how perceptive she was but after hearing some more stories of her former life he was slowly understanding how she had come to possess such skills. "I never really had the opportunity to ask for help when I was younger. Even as I grew older I didn't feel comfortable with it: I had always relied on myself and the concept seemed slightly alien to me. I remember the one time I did reach out I was burned by the experience. From then…I couldn't accept help, even if it was offered, because I was worried of an ulterior motive. Being part of the Wardens instead of a prisoner of the Chantry helped a lot, especially as I could just be myself rather than be wary of who knew my identity. I still feel ridiculous for shutting you out like that."

Arria snuggled back into his side. "Don't. You've slowly been learning how to live with someone possessing the true knowledge of your birth. Combine that with all the events of the past two days and how difficult your recovery is going to be...This is a perfectly natural reaction." She hummed in happiness when his hand started rubbing up and down her side. "Do you think you could maybe start letting me in? I'll admit, it did hurt rather a lot when you sent me away."

He guided her to sit up slightly and held his lips barely a hair's width away from her own. "I can promise to try." She closed the space between then, knowing that was the best he could give her at this stage and allowed him all the freedom she could. While he may not be able to do much at the moment, he could still send her mind spinning or set her skin on fire without much effort. It didn't take long before their arms wrapped around the other and held them as close as was possible, not wanting any space between them. Arria was the first to break away, the intensity a little too much for her to take at that exact moment but she softened her retreat by guiding his hands to help undo her wrap.

Alistair was surprised but she nodded her head, giving him all that she could offer. She wanted him to see all it was he could still do, that just because he currently could not assist them on the battlefield it didn't mean that he no longer had any use until he recovered. When the wrap fell away he couldn't help but sigh at the dark marks which had appeared on her bandages. "I thought Anders would have healed all of this?" he asked, brushing lightly over the red stains.

Arria shook her head. "I refused. This isn't something which needs healing, it is just an inconvenience. I told him to save all of his energy for you and Lissa, the two of you are the ones who need all the healing he can give you. Besides I…" her cheeks coloured and he wondered what might have caused it. She did feel slightly embarrassed to be confessing the real reason that she had told him not to fix the damage but Alistair deserved to know.

"You what?"

Her blush deepened as she admitted the truth. "I enjoyed having you tend to me so much the last time that I…I didn't want to lose that." A feather could have knocked him over at that exact moment, amazed that she felt secure enough around him that she was _willingly _giving him that freedom. Before when the healers were too exhausted to fix her had been different, it had been a necessary evil. Now for her to refuse healing so that he could help her instead…it was a huge leap forward for them. "Believe me, I'm as surprised as you but I-I enjoy giving myself to you, letting you have slowly more freedom every time. I feel like I am one step closer to burying Howe forever as you claim another piece of me. Healing this damage made me feel like I would be missing a chance to let you in further and I wasn't going to lose that chance. I _want _to be yours and _only _yours."

The confession made his head spin slightly and he noticed the red on her cheeks deepening as time went on. With a tender smile he pulled her in close for a sensual kiss, their hands working together to unwind the bandages from her chest. As they were both on the task it took much less time than earlier that day to reveal her but this time she felt more nervous. It had been different when he was helping to simply tend to her wounds. Now that she had admitted to wanting more, there would be a strong intent to his touch and she wasn't sure how she was going to react. When his hands started to ghost along her sides she gasped at the sensation, a mixture of apprehension and thrill passing through her at the same time. Alistair could sense her confusion and didn't rise any higher, knowing that she needed time to adjust before things went further. His lips drifted down to her neck, showering her with affection as he slowly felt the tension drain from her body.

Arria couldn't quite believe the sensations he was creating within her and had to bite back a deep moan as one of his hands slipped to her back, teasing the skin with feather light touches as his tongue started tasting her neck. The dual assault was sending all thought out of her head and it wasn't too long before she wanted more. Her hands lifted the base of his tunic and he broke away just long enough for her to practically rip it over his head before he went back to his task. A groan left him as her hands began their own journey and a shiver rippled through her as she felt his expression of pleasure from the point at where he had latched onto her neck. His second hand slowly began to creep upwards, snaking between her breasts and he instantly felt all the changes in her as they moved to something more intimate. Her heart sped up, her breathing quickened and the smallest tension seized her.

Their eyes met and he could see the battle she was fighting within. Giving him this freedom meant more memories were coming to the surface and she was having to confront more as time went on. It took a few seconds before she nodded to him, her want to give herself to him overriding her fear for the moment. He felt so honoured that she gave him such trust and proceeded to brush over every inch of unblemished skin on her exposed chest while kissing her so hard that she felt she might pass out. The emotion he poured into his every movement made her want to cry with the tenderness it contained and soon she needed to feel him nearer. Swallowing the fear within, she slowly leant back, taking him with her.

Alistair fell to his side, making sure not to keep her trapped in any way as their lips stayed locked and his hand kept exploring the new ground they had uncovered. Arria wasn't content with that and twisted so that their chests met the barest amount. Both gasped at the sensation, not having been braced for the feelings it evoked as they took another step towards where they wanted to be. The enormity of what they were doing soon crashed upon them, slowing their movements and allowing nerves to make themselves known. Arria began to shiver and Alistair realised this was as far as they could go, even if he really didn't want to stop and she obviously wanted to keep going. Their eyes met and he could see her frustration, wishing that things didn't have to be this way and he shook his head, hoping to dispel that thought from her mind. He stretched over to her pack, fetching her waterskin and wash rag as he completed the same ritual they had embarked on earlier that day.

Arria stayed lying down as he began to tend to her wounds, cleaning them as best he could without aggravating them. The bleeding was much less than it had been before and it was less painful, thankfully, but she still flinched occasionally. It was the deep grooves beneath her breasts which hurt the most, a few tears escaping her as he tried to clean it more thoroughly than he had hours before to prevent any infection setting in. Once that was taken care of he passed her another health poultice, guiding her to sit up as she swallowed and he fetched more bandages. Now that they were slightly more practiced it took only half the time for her to be fixed up and back to fighting form. It was a little too early to be settling in for the night so they dressed again with each other's help and Arria helped Alistair to the centre of the camp.

Both could have fallen in shock as they saw Morrigan had decided to participate in their discussions for once. Zevran, Leliana, Wynne and Anders were busy discussing something animatedly with the witch watching amusedly when the Wardens approached. Wynne was the first to see them and greeted the pair as they settled down. "Ah, Wardens, good to see both of you. Alistair, how are your legs?"

Alistair shrugged. "As good as they could be I guess. I get severe pains in them if I stay on them even a little too long, though from what I can't tell. Combination of everything is my guess. It's not very fun."

Wynne smiled sympathetically. "It will take time for you to regain your former strength. Considering you were practically staring Death in the face, you should be thankful to at least still have your life."

A hand came to encompass his own and he squeezed back tightly, knowing what it was she was thinking. "I am, Wynne, though I think I am allowed to grumble about things a little, aren't I?"

That earned a chuckle out of most of the others, even Morrigan. The witch seemed to be keeping a steady eye on Alistair and Arria didn't like it one bit. Normally she couldn't stand being near him and would ignore him as much as possible. Now she was specifically watching himand seemed very interested in his health. If that didn't send alarm bells ringing in her head then nothing would. "Well, you two have the knack of timing," said Anders, snapping Arria's attention away from the mysterious witch and towards him. "We were just discussing the Urn a bit. What beliefs did the Nileesans have about the Chantry and all that, Arria? I mean, you guys were all part-mage and part-elf, so your beliefs must be very different from our own."

Arria smiled at him, wondering when this day would come. It was overdue in her opinion and she couldn't help but wonder how they were all going to react. "You could say we had very different beliefs. The Chantry did have a presence in Nileesa because we do believe in the Maker…but not as you all do."

"What do you mean, Arria?" asked Leliana, fascinated to learn what the Nileesan people believed.

"For a long time we had mixed beliefs: everyone was allowed their own belief as you would have it. Then, about three hundred years ago we discovered something which completely changed things. It gave us a 'core' belief, one which we knew couldn't be accepted by everyone else in Thedas, except by maybe the Tevinters. How may Spirits do you all believe exist?"

"Primarily there are the spirits of Valor, Justice, Faith, Compassion and Hope who are benevolent. There are countless others that exist I am sure, but we have never encountered proof of such a thing," answered Wynne, her interest in the topic now reaching new heights.

"You know most of it. The truth is though there aren't just five Spirits of Inhabitance as we call them: there are actually six. The sixth is incredibly rare and has only been seen once on Thedas. She was young woman who changed the future of the continent forever, altering its fate beyond all recognition. Three hundred years ago we found the diary of Andraste."

That stunned everyone silent for a few seconds. "You found the diary of Andraste herself?"

"I know there have been many supposed 'diaries' for over the centuries but we know this is the real thing, and from that our whole system of belief was born. We were guided to it by a Spirit of Hope, and it believed we could protect the knowledge it contained, that perhaps Thedas could someday learn the truth of those events leading to the downfall of the Imperium. Many people across the years have wondered how Andraste could possibly bring about the end of the Imperium by herself as it were, but we discovered within her diary that she was not working alone. She was, in fact, a Vessel."

"She had a Spirit inside her?" asked Leliana in wonderment.

"Yes, what she named as a Spirit of Fate. Originally, there were two sets of powerful spirits who ruled over the balance of the world, the Old Gods and the Spirits of Fate. The Old Gods decided to take an active role in the future of Thedas and influenced events until their energies began to fade, trapping them in an eternal slumber. After they were gone, Thedas forged its own future, but the influence of the Old Gods led to the superiority of the Tevinter Imperium. The Spirits of Fate choose not to intervene, knowing that to do so would mean the end of them. Spirits of Fate can only exist in our realm for a very short time and can be a part of our world only once. The first Spirit, Maenere, decided she would change the future with the help of a woman who could end the Imperium. Maenere asked Andraste to allow her to inhabit her, and thus Andraste became the first Vessel of Fate.

"Spirits of Fate can foresee the path the world takes, choosing their moment to eventually descend and change its course. The catch is that they cannot see what sequence of events they will create as a result, so they only choose to involve themselves if they believe there is no other way. That diary's discovery gave birth to our beliefs. The Spirit of Hope who guided us to it said that Andraste would someday return to this world, though not in the form we knew her as and from that statement, we began our belief in Rebirth."

"Rebirth?"

"A soul leaves the body when it dies, but where does it go? We believe that the Maker himself does not take an active role in Thedas' day-to-day activities, but instead oversees its future. When a soul is left to wander the abyss after its body expires, the Maker deems whether it is worthy to be reborn. If it is, he eventually returns it to Thedas. Some he changes to keep the world in balance but many of them return as they were. In rare occasions, the worthiest of souls he keeps by his side, sending them back to this realm in its most dire moments. Those he sees beyond all redemption he banishes to the Fade, the souls eventually becoming a part of it."

The rest of them were silent for a couple of minutes. "That's an unbelievable set of beliefs," remarked Anders.

Arria chuckled. "You can all see why we kept them secret. If word ever got out that Andraste was in fact a Vessel, people would start calling her an Abomination because they couldn't tell the difference and it would lead to the total collapse of the Chantry. With that, the continent would descend into chaos."

"Would that really be such a bad thing?"

The female Warden looked at the male mage, understanding his frustration. "While I share your feelings regarding the Templars' treatment of the mages, it isn't just that which would change. Without the Chantry people will lose their beliefs, their beacon of hope. It would be anarchy, the populace would be divided and take sides until eventually-"

"It would be all-out war," surmised Alistair. "Unlike Nileesa, the rest of us aren't ready to hear truths like that. Prejudices still run too deep and suspicion clouds people's judgement to where they can't see the truth. There is still this apprehension surrounding things that are different…just imagine what kind of reception there would be if the true nature of the Nileesans became common knowledge. Mixed-bloods are looked down upon as freaks of nature, if they found out that it was actually the source of their power-"

"It would increase the fear and suspicion aimed at all mixed-bloods, not just the Nileesan people. There would be massacres in the streets, people could be denounced as being of mixed race if suspicion was high and it would fracture society even more. This is why we kept so many secrets, why we isolated ourselves from Thedas. The world…wasn't ready for us. We were a society that arose one thousand years too early."

Silence reigned over the rest of them for a short time before Morrigan spoke. "The conception of the Tamers across the world is the same: an unstable yet powerful society with the power to rule to world. Little did they all know that your people may have been young, but they were the wisest among the whole continent, as well as the most open-minded. Tis truly a shame they did not exist today, they would have been the heralds of a new age."

Arria turned suspicious eyes to Morrigan, wondering where she was going with this but Zevran interrupted before she could voice her question. "Do you know anything else of Andraste from her diary, dearest?"

She shook her head. "No, we only learnt about her days in the fight against the Imperium; it only extends until her eventual betrayal. Some of the information was interesting, other parts confusing but it didn't give us any clues on where she might be buried. It looks like our researchers were right in their guess about Ferelden being her place of rest however."

Conversation switched to more innocent topics for half an hour until Arria stood to check on the two Mabari. Both had taken up station outside Rod and Elissa's tent and Carou barked at Arria as she approached. The Nileesan woman greeted him brightly, petting Hallai in a more subdued fashion when the black dog ducked her head shyly. She examined the deep gouges in Carou's back, making sure to not agitate the wounds as she looked for any sign of the Taint. After Anders had found it in her earlier that day she was being extra careful with the rest of her group. "You two are okay, yeah?" she asked, received twin barks back. "Morrigan has done a good job with your wounds. Speaking of her, do you know why she's suddenly taken an interest in Alistair? Normally they can't stand each other but ever since the attack last night she hasn't really stopped staring at him."

Carou and Hallai shared a look before the black Mabari nudged her mate, encouraging him to tell the truth. Carou stood and moved to a more open area, hoping to relay to Arria what really happened that night. He started by dropping to the ground, playing dead and she had a hard time interpreting what he was meaning. "Someone collapsed? Fell?" Carou shook his head and repeated the move, Arria finally catching onto what he was saying. "Playing dead…someone died?" The brown Mabari nodded, padding over to his mistress and laying one of his wrapped paws just above her heart. It felt like it froze when she realised what Carou was saying. "Alistair died? I really did feel it? But how…?" Hallai barked and nodded towards Morrigan, the truth finally clicking for the female Warden. With a kiss to each of the dogs, she stood and marched back to the group. "A word if you will, Morrigan."

The witch raised an eyebrow but did as asked, leaving with Arria to a secluded area where they could not be overheard. Once they were alone, Arria tried to keep her voice steady but failed miserably just after she started speaking. "How?" she breathed out. "How did you bring him back?"

Morrigan crossed her arms but kept her face impassive. "I did not think the Mabari would offer such information freely."

"I asked them, after I noticed you watching him. Normally you would rather stick your eyes with needles, something had to have changed for your new behaviour and they told me what happened. I thought magic couldn't normally bring back the dead?"

"You would normally be correct and though my mother's grimoire which I have may be incomplete, it has given me much. One such item was how manipulate energy dissipated upon a being's death and harnessing it as energy. Normally such a thing should only last for a few minutes but with the skills of the Necromancer, I managed to extend it."

"So he is completely revived?"

"I cannot say, Arria. That is why I have been watching him, to see how effective my resurrection spell has been. Thus far I have seen no sign of the spell expiring, but that could yet change. Such skills were not meant to resurrect permanently, he could very well just be stalling for time."

Arria's face went pale. "Is there no way to tell?"

"I can keep a track of the entropic energy I passed into him, watch for the first sign of it dissipating but I believe the only way I can truly extend the spell to being permanent is to obtain my mother's true grimoire. No doubt she possesses such knowledge but would not offer it up willingly. It is entirely possible that it will last to the end of his years, however long that may be, but I cannot say for definite."

"Can you…get any sense of how long he has?"

Morrigan regarded Arria closely, watching her reactions. The witch was impressed with how well she was keeping her emotions in check, perhaps telling her the truth would not change her perception of events. "Currently, I can only be certain of six months. It would be impossible to guess any further than that since the energy is slow to act and I am not entirely sure how much of what I channelled into his body remained past his resurrection."

_Six months…_ Her heart ached to think that was all they might have left but it made her will harden. Before that time limit hit, she was going to confront Flemeth. It the maleficar knew how to save him permanently, she was willing to do anything to see it done. Until the day came where it was necessary for him to know the truth, she would bury it deep in her heart. He could not know. "Thank you, Morrigan, for saving him. Just out of curiosity, why did you do it? It certainly wouldn't have been out of the goodness of your own heart."

The witch laughed, amused at her wording. "Indeed, had I the chance I would have left him to perish. However, there is something I require him for yet and until that time comes and passes, I will do all I can to ensure his survival."

Arria narrowed her eyes at Morrigan. "Why Alistair?"

Morrigan smirked. "That is for me to know, and you to find out. Arria." The witch bowed her head in farewell before she transformed into a bird and took to the skies, flying beyond Arria's reach.

_What did she mean she 'requires' him for something? Why him and no-one else? What the hell is it she is planning? _Arria's thoughts spun in turmoil for a few minutes before a gentle hand on her waist broke her from her musings. Just as she turned around she was forced into supporting Alistair's weight, he legs giving out on him. "Damn!" he exclaimed, letting out a frustrated expelling of air as they managed to manoeuvre him to ground safely.

Arria chuckled, sitting next to him as the moon shone down upon them, lighting the camp through the heart of the night. "Is there any reason you decided to follow me over here and almost fall flat on your face?" she asked lightly, earning a milg glare from him in response.

Alistair huffed, unimpressed before broaching the topic which had drawn him to seeking her out. "Arria, there is something I have been wondering for a while now and I think this might be the best time to ask. Do you hate humans?" Her eyes widened in surprise and he continued. "It's just…well you don't belong to any of the races. I don't mean that in a negative way, but you are such a heavy mix of all of them combined that I don't think you can really be associated with any of them now. I noticed how you reacted to the Dalish and it has had me wondering ever since."

She paused, wondering if she should be completely honest with him and eventually decided it was probably for the best that she was. Letting out a deep breath she held his hands and let him into her thoughts. "Humans are so fundamentally flawed that I suppose it is inevitable. They are the most abundant race on Thedas, but are also the cruellest. Humanity fear anything which is different, much like the others, but where they differ drastically is how they respond to it. Anything which has even the smallest potential of power is considered a threat and either managed or eliminated, whichever is more convenient for their supremacy. Humans cannot stand not being the top of the food chain: why do you think they eliminated the elven homeland and refuse to help the dwarves? They fear the differences between them and see them as a threat. Humans forced out the elves and condemned them to slavery for nothing other than being of different blood, and they later abandoned the dwarves to be the world's last line of defence against the darkspawn. Because of that, they became to dominant race but it is a false peace they have carved out.

"When we arose, we were constantly feared by all around us. Humans are the ones who started it because they saw the power we contained and even though we posed no danger, we had only peaceful intentions, we were still exterminated. When the opportunity presented itself, we were eradicated. Yes, I do hate humans for what they are, but that is because they have so many faults. Most can be forgiven, but one cannot be: the need to be dominant. That basic instinct is what fuels humans, but is also what makes them the most naïve and dangerous race amongst us. I don't just hate them, I am also terrified of them. If a single human discovered the truth about me and denounced me as a mixed-blood, I wouldn't be able to live a life of peace. I would be constantly hunted, even more so than for just being Nileesan. Mixed-bloods are viewed as a mistake upon this world and a plague that needs to be destroyed. I can't help my birth and I am proud of who I am: I just wish humanity was a little more accepting to see what it is they are missing out on."

When Alistair had asked her about this, he hadn't expected such an emotional speech. Clearly the hurts within were deep and, if he was perfectly honest with himself, he couldn't deny most of it. She could see a lot more as another race entirely than he could at looking the flaws he contained as a human. "And do I…do that?"

Her posture instantly relaxed and her face softened. "No, I know you aren't like that. Honestly, if I didn't know better I would say you shared our views and were one of us for how open-minded you are. I guess you are…the exception that proves the rule. Not all humans are like that, but the vast majority of them are. That was part of the reason I never really set foot outside of Nileesa until after my homeland was destroyed, I was afraid of what would happen if I was discovered." She chuckled. "I find it terribly ironic that I ended up falling in love with a human of all things, but like I said, your values are the polar opposite of every human I have known. Every races has its flaws, I know that, but humans have more. To find one so perfect…It was something I thought impossible."

Alistair looked at her sceptically. "I'm hardly perfect."

"You are perfect for me, and currently, that is all I care about."

He smiled at her and gathered her in close, something she mentioned before bugging him. "Arria, you know earlier when you were telling us about the Spirits of Fate? Do you think one would intervene here?"

"To help save Ferelden? I don't think we would be important enough in the grand scheme of things. If all of Thedas was about to fall, maybe then one would descend but I think it's just wishful thinking for one to help us. Wynne would be able to tell if we found one, Vessels can sense of other Vessels. Maybe we can ask her to keep an eye out."

"So…we really are on our own?"

Arria nodded sadly, nestling deeper into his hold now that the night chill was starting to move in. "We are, but we are going to succeed. We've come too far to lose everything now." She noticed how he was looking at her and faced him. "Are you okay?"

"I think I should be asking you that question, you almost seem distracted by something."

She smiled gently and kissed him, hoping to dispel any doubts he held. "I'm fine, just exhausted. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little easier than the past two days: I'm ready for this whole thing to be over." When he nodded and gathered her close she swiftly quashed the sorrow that built up in her heart, knowing that by all rights, she should have already lost this. Morrigan's magic had brought Alistair back but now that Arria knew the truth, she was going to find a way to save him for good. It didn't matter what it took, she was going to make sure he would have a life again rather than just living on borrowed time. Until she knew what to do, he could not know what happened.

A few minutes later they heard someone approach and they looked up to see Rod. From the look on his face, they were almost apprehensive to ask what was on his mind but he spoke before they could ask the question.

"Elissa's awake."

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And…another cliffhanger for you. Sorry I couldn't resist but at least you shouldn't have too long before my next update, I'll be back on my normal schedule now. As ever, please leave your thoughts and I'll see you all next time.

Negative Angel


	37. Defiance

Special thanks to **WhitewaterWolves **and my Guest reviewer for your comments on my last chapter. I hope I didn't put too many of you off with my major modification to the DA canon, suffice to say this will not be the last time you will encounter this concept. Now…I do believe I left you all on a bit of a cliff-hanger last time. I shall make you wait no longer.

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 36: Defiance**

Both Wardens followed Rod with great trepidation as they returned to his and Elissa's tent. The knight had been decidedly silent since his declaration that Elissa had awoken and had barely made eye contact. They were now both worried that his worst fear had been realised: Elissa may still be alive, but the Elissa they all knew was already gone. Rod had entered before them and the two Wardens took their time to actually follow him inside. The look they shared just before Alistair pulled back the cloth summed up everything they were thinking. What was this going to mean from now on?

Arria helped Alistair inside and managed to help him to ground as Rod talked to Elissa quietly. She was very quiet and looked sullen, something they would never associate with the cheerful archer. Arria was almost afraid to speak out but they needed to know the truth. "Lissa?"

The younger woman was quick in turning round and beamed at the two Wardens. "Alistair, Arria. I'm so glad the two of you are okay," answered Elissa, her smile vibrant. Arria gasped and looked at Rod in hope, the knight letting out an ecstatic laugh as their fears were eased. The female Warden enveloped Elissa in a gentle hug and the other woman gripped back tightly. She looked over Arria's shoulder at Alistair sitting a couple of feet away. "How are the legs, Alistair?"

"Hurt like hell, but I'm slowly getting there. You were the one we were all worried about," replied Alistair, not surprised that when the two women parted he was on the receiving end of a hug as well. Arria went over to lightly hug Rod and she felt the immeasurable relief rolling off him. She had known how scared he was but it seemed they had been spared the agony of another loss. "How do you feel?" asked the male Warden when Elissa pulled back.

Rod was the one who answered. "She's got a few memory blanks, most of which are from her childhood but that doesn't mean there are others problems. Lissa couldn't actually remember either of you until you walked in and she saw you."

Alistair and Arria both faced her in surprise. "It's true," admitted Elissa. "It's like…I could see silhouettes of people as I recalled our time together, but I could never see your faces nor recollect your names. I must admit, it is incredibly disconcerting but the second I saw you it all clicked. Hopefully it is like that with everyone else; I guess I'll find out when I eventually get out of here."

The knight chuckled. "Will you believe that the only one she remembered was Carou? Looks like the mutt ranks higher than the two of you."

The Wardens laughed at Elissa's embarrassment. "It's not that strange," commented Arria. "She probably would have remembered him by association with Hallai. The memory is a funny thing."

"That it is…I'm glad that my memory isn't so badly affected that I can't remember recent events. I am upset that there are some things I know are missing, but hopefully I'll get them back with time. It is more than a little strange to reference an event in another memory and have no recollection of it now taking place…I guess I should just be thankful I am alive," said Elissa, snuggling back into Rod's hold when he encircled her from behind.

"You aren't the only one who's been lucky: if anything I've been luckier than you, even if I can't entirely appreciate it yet," added Alistair, not missing how Arria tensed next to him. From how she had been reacting regarding the accident, he must have come pretty close to dying. As he gripped her hand she swiftly banished the errant thought which invaded her mind, reminding her just what had happened. There was no way any of them could know, not yet anyway. Not until a time came where it was a necessary evil.

"Rod told me what happened. How long until you get full use of your legs back?"

"Anders reckons it'll be another two days of healing to restore everything back to the way it was, but it might be anything up to a week after when I get all my strength back." Alistair sighed. "Now I've just got to make sure I keep my head in the right place, and we'll be good."

Arria's grip on his hand tightened again momentarily. "I think you'll be just fine in that regard." Alistair smiled at her, still so thankful for the woman who had never left his side through all of this. Not caring about their company, he pulled her in for a sudden kiss. She was surprised but responded enthusiastically, even though he kept it short. Her cheeks were flushed and the redness deepened when she thought of their friends sitting just a few feet away but both of them were smiling at the two Wardens. It was a few minutes later that Alistair and Arria left, leaving Elissa and Rod in peace.

After she helped Alistair back to their tent she sought out Anders, intent on asking him the question she was going to when she returned from the woods earlier. The gentle mage was on the edge of camp, looking at something in the shadows when she approached. As she got closer she noticed the pair of eyes shining out from the darkness and smiled as she realised what it was that he had found, though Anders himself seemed apprehensive, as well as curious. Arria stayed a few steps back, watching amused as Anders reached out with his staff, trying to encourage whatever it was out from its hiding place. He jumped back in shock when it darted out from the bushes and dove between his legs, falling backwards theatrically with a squawk. Arria burst out laughing and crouched to the ground, holding her hand out for the small creature to see she was no threat. "_Haira mi merra. Sur esa callenta ai." _

Anders groaned as he sat up, turning towards the Nileesan woman after he failed to recognise the words. He felt mildly embarrassed when he realised he had panicked because of cat – no, a kitten – and said animal was now rubbing itself against Arria's legs quite happily. Considering the thing had been reluctant to even come out from its hiding place and made to flee when Anders had disturbed it, he was surprised. Then he remembered hearing about Arria's skill with animals and her Taming abilities. No doubt they were working here and had calmed the kitten down. His eyebrows rose when the feline decided it wasn't content with the attention Arria was showing and started climbing up her body, eventually leaping up onto her shoulder and draping itself across the back of her neck. She laughed at the kitten and approached Anders as he got back to his feet. "So, this is your famous skill with animals, is it?" asked the mage, eyeing the kitten warily.

She giggled and scratched the cat behind its ears, earning a contented purr in response. "Yeah, I may not be able to Tame much but something as small as a cat? That I can do."

He watched her curiously. "What was that you said to it? I'm surprised animals can understand you."

"My language: its roots are elven but was developed specifically with Taming in mind, so animals can understand us. I just said hello and commented that he's a brave one. Considering how small he is and what lurks in the forest, he's done well to survive as long as he has."

Anders nodded and took a closer look at the cat now that he saw it was no threat. It was ginger and striped but extremely skinny, no doubt from struggling to find meals in the wild. Its face was covered in scars and there were several wounds healing on its legs. No wonder the poor thing was so untrusting, it looked like it had been through rather a lot already. When he raised his hand he felt sad to see it instinctively flinch away from the contact but Arria whispered in its ear, soothing any fears it held over the mage. The cat slowly relaxed and started leaning into Anders' touch when he began petting it in earnest. "Yeah, he is a tough little guy, isn't he? Do you think we could take him with us?"

"I don't see why not, but I think my Mabari might just fall out with me for good if I suddenly took in a cat. He's willing to share me with Alistair, this little one might be a step too far. Why don't you keep him?"

He looked up at her surprised. "He's comfortable around you, I don't know how to look after a cat."

Arria smiled at him. "Don't worry, it's not that hard. Now that he's had the chance to see you aren't a threat, I think he might be okay. Come on, we'll go grab some food and water for him and then I need to ask you something." As they started moving away she picked up the cat and handed him to the mage, making sure both were comfortable in their positions before she moved away completely. It took a couple of minutes but soon both the cat and Anders were quite happy with each other's company. "He's going to need a name, you know."

"Hmmm, I'll need to think on that one. Need to get something like that right." Arria nodded and helped him to take the cat back to his and Zevran's tent after they fetched some food. The cat began devouring the meats Arria had chosen and she left a couple of plates of water, guessing the poor thing would make its way through everything very quickly and then get some sleep. Sure enough, it scoffed down all the food and slurped up the water at top speed before it curled into Anders' bedroll, already recognising his scent and swiftly slipping into slumber. Both the mage and Warden watched it with gentle smiles on their faces before Arria pulled him back outside. Once they were in the open, he saw the change in her demeanour. "Okay, what's that look for?"

She looked away briefly. "I need rather a large favour, and I don't think you are going to thank me for it." Anders raised an eyebrow but waited for her to continue. "It's Alistair. Being stuck like this is ki-It's almost more than he can take and I…I don't know how much more endure before his confidence truly starts to plummet. So far nothing has been lasting but I can't be sure it is going to stay that way. I know you haven't been giving him everything you can because you are afraid his heart can't take the strain but it can. He's stronger than you think." She hoped he hadn't noticed her quick change of words. She had been about to say 'it's killing him' before her mind realised that was the exact wrong words to use. It already had killed him and she had to be careful what she was saying, just in case some of the more observant members of their group saw some form of reaction from her. Keeping the secret was going to be harder than she originally thought.

Anders sighed. "Arria, I really don't think this is a good idea. Surely he can last a couple more days?"

"For the healing, maybe, but by then what will his mentality be like when it comes to regaining his strength? He's already had one near meltdown and I'm scared the next one might be even more destructive. Please, Anders. I wouldn't be asking this unless I was sure because I know the risks. If it does start to become too much then I will trust your judgement, but he _needs _this."

The mage could see the plea in her eyes and relented with a quiet sigh, unsure that this was the best course of action but she did know Alistair better and from the small fractions he had seen, the male Warden was struggling. It had seemed the weight of the duty they held had begun to overwhelm him now that he was temporarily unable to complete it and Arria was afraid that the consequences were going to be serious. He nodded at her and she smiled her gratitude, leading the mage back to the tent. Alistair was inside and looked at the pair curiously, wondering why Anders had re-joined them. "Anders?" he asked confused as Arria sat next to him.

"Arria has asked me to try and accelerate your healing. I'm not sure this is the best idea, but she raised some valid points. I warn you now, this is going to hurt a lot because I'm tackling the bone structure this time but if I can get that completely fixed then you should at least be able to stay on your feet for a lot longer. You feel up to this?"

Alistair switched his gaze to Arria and could see the mild fear in her eyes. She wasn't entirely sure about this but saw it was what he wanted: if he could at least get back on his feet then he could be a lot more useful. His hand found hers and gripped it in gratitude, feeling the small tremble in her grasp in reply. She was truly scared that this could go wrong but if he felt it was worth the risk then she was willing to see him take the chance. He faced Anders again after letting out a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm ready, I'm willing to try anything to fix this."

Anders guided Alistair to lie back and Arria switched so that his head was nestled in her lap, hoping to make him as comfortable as possible. One of his hands found hers again and held on tight, hoping to calm her nerves as well as his own. Anders had made it very clear before that his heart was still fragile and could give out if he went through too much at once, but he needed this. He needed to be able to protect her again. "This is going to last a lot longer than before and you won't be able to move for a while after. The second I see it could be too much, I'm going to stop. I don't think you realise just how painful this is going to be…are you sure about this?"

The male Warden met his female counterpart's eyes and held her gaze, making sure she could see this was the right choice. "I'm ready," he said with conviction, internally praying he was making the right choice. Anders started slowly, healing smaller areas of his bones and Alistair shifted in discomfort. It was concerning that even this was mildly painful and he could feel this was nothing compared with what was to come. Before Alistair had the chance to really doubt his choice, Anders focused on what was going to be the worst and started the agonising process of re-hardening the bones. While he might have known what was coming, no amount of warning could have prepared either of the Wardens. Alistair screeched in agony at the intense burning in his legs and Arria suddenly wished that she had kept her mouth shut, not having known it was going to be this severe. The grip they shared was painful to her but she knew he needed something to keep him grounded and reached for his other hand, which was currently fisted in his bedroll. Within a second of realising she was there he switched, holding on as tight as he could as he fought through the pain.

Anders was keeping a very close eye on Alistair as his magic worked at top speed. More than once he felt a change that almost made his stop, as it had before, but this was where he realised Arria had been right. Alistair was stronger and kept fighting, struggling through the pain in a furious attempt to defeat this newest challenge. Arria started talking to him in Nileesan and though Anders couldn't understand a word of it, it seemed Alistair did. The mage kept his mind on is task as Arria tried to take Alistair's mind off the pain. "_Sur mi anere," _she spoke to him gently, her voice holding none of the fear which was coursing through her. Just watching was agonising enough, Maker knew what he was going through.

Alistair's voice was weak but he just managed to respond. "_Mi al sur anere." _The words meant just as much spoken in Nileesan as it did in the common tongue but the added level of concentration as he tried to remember the words and phrasing succeeded in distracting him from the inferno in his legs, if only for a few seconds. Though it might have felt like an hour, in reality Anders had been at it for barely two minutes when he finally stopped, his shoulders slumping in exhaustion as Alistair began dragging in deep breaths, finally able to breathe again properly. Arria whispered to him gently, her voice soothing him as the aching pain began to fade but he still did not have the energy to move, he was barely able to stay conscious. His grip on her hands was faint but it was still there, it took barely any effort for her to break it but she reassured him that she wasn't going anywhere. He slipped into slumber soon after, the effects of the healing having drained absolutely everything from him.

Arria watched him sleep for a few seconds before she looked at Anders, calling the mage's name quietly. He looked at her curiously when she asked for his help in allowing her to move Alistair from her lap but one look at her hands told him everything he needed to know. It took a bit of careful manoeuvring for Arria manage to slip out as they tried to not disturb Alistair from the rest he so desperately needed. Once that was accomplished Anders guided her back outside and took a closer look at her hands. Her left one had several dark spots showing up from where the male Warden's grip had burst blood vessels but it was her right one that was a complete mess, many of her bones having been crushed under the intense hold.

When Anders met her eyes he could barely tell that she was in any pain. Until he touched her hands, that is. Her left one she just flinched at but her right one she had to resist the urge to yank it back, knowing that Anders was no danger. "You didn't make a sound," spoke the mage softly, his magic fixing all the damage done.

"I couldn't have. I've managed to not react to far worse than this, and Alistair needed the grounding. I'm fairly sure he doesn't even realise he did it."

"That man has some impressive strength, and I'm not talking about just physical." Once her hands were fixed Anders smiled at her. "I managed to completely fix his bones so he can at least walk a fair distance now, but there will be no running yet. Not until I go through one more round. After that last dose, it should all be about muscle regeneration. By the looks of it, he's going to be luckt and it might just take a couple of days' intense training. He won't be fit to withstand another round until tomorrow evening, but at least he has most of his movement back now."

She smiled back at him before enveloping him in a quick hug. "Thank you, Anders. He's going to be okay, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Give it a week and you'd never have known he was at Death's door."

Arria smiled her gratitude and moved away before Anders had the chance to see her gaze flicker. She had known for not even an hour yet and the knowledge was crushing in its weight. Had Morrigan not have found that spell in her mother's grimoire or had not possessed the skills to utilise it, Alistair would now be dead. _I have to get better at hiding this, _she thought as she re-entered the tent, watching Alistair sleep for a few minutes as she sat next to him. They had commented back in Denerim about her ability to cheat death and never in a million years had she thought that he would have been the first to fall out of the two of them. As much as she still didn't trust Morrigan and was suspicious of her true motives, she currently felt only gratitude at her actions. She had saved Alistair and for the moment, Arria could not find it in her heart to think further than that. She was in Morrigan's debt and she had a promise to keep. When the time came, she was going to kill Flemeth; but it wasn't just Morrigan's life she was going to save now. Flemeth was the only one who could possibly know how to resurrect Alistair fully and she would do anything to find that knowledge.

She settled in next to Alistair, snuggling into his chest as she listened to his slow breathing and steady heartbeat: proof that he was truly alive, something she would never take for granted again. "I'm going to save you, this I swear," she whispered into the darkness. This time, she wasn't going to lose everything her heart held dear. She was going to find a way to give his life back to him or die trying.

* * *

The next morning saw Elissa re-emerge from the tent for the first time, though she was heavily wrapped up to make sure her burns would not be agitated. She recollected most of their group, the only one she failed to instantly recognise being Anders but the mage was unsurprised having only been a part of their group for a very short time. After everyone had awakened and packed up, they set off again. The unexpected delay meant they were going to be even longer in reaching Lake Calenhad and they would not be travelling as far as they wanted for the next couple of days as their group recovered fully. They needed to be back to full strength as they ventured into the heart of the Bannorn, knowing full well that they would probably be wandering straight into the civil war. It was going to be a very tough journey to the other side.

Alistair and Elissa were not fit to be walking any significant distance so were riding in Bodahn's cart with Morrigan and Zevran at the tail of their group to watch their backs. Sten was leading as per usual, though unusually he had Carou for company, the dog currently rather ticked off at his mate. That morning, some of the others had been woken by a rather theatrical sight: Carou and their new kitten having an argument. The Mabari had barked at the feline, making his thoughts clear while the cat meowed and hissed back, unwilling to let itself be bullied. What had really surprised everyone was when the kitten dove at Carou and swiped his nose, leaving it bleeding. Before Carou had the chance to retaliate the cat had taken shelter behind Hallai, not seeing the other dog as a threat. Sure enough, Hallai had shooed Carou off with little sympathy and the pair had been pointedly ignoring each other since. What compounded the issue was that their new friend had taken rather a shine to the black Mabari and was currently sleeping on her back, much to Carou's annoyance. The whole episode had been rather funny for everyone and finally allowed Anders to find a name for the kitten.

"Hey, I think I'm going to call him Ser Pounce-a-lot. What do you think of that?"

Unsurprisingly no-one was quite sure what to say to that, but the newly named Ser Pounce-a-lot had wormed his way into a few people's hearts, most of all Elissa's and Leliana's. The two women found him absolutely adorable but it was clear that his favourite person was still Anders, much to the mage's joy. Arria had watched with a smile, glad that the mage had found the companionship of an animal as she had. It was a treasure unlike many other things and something she guessed he had never experienced.

She was in quiet conversation with Rod and Anders while Leliana and Wynne were right behind, Hallai and Ser Pounce-a-lot leading Bodahn's cart. They had been travelling for roughly four hours when they heard company further up the road. Before they had the chance to catch sight of them, five of the group froze in their tracks, recognising the energies of those up ahead. "Damn, looks like they've finally found me," muttered Anders as Arria signalled for Sten and Carou to retreat to their position.

"It was only a matter of time," stated Wynne, readying her staff much as Morrigan and Anders were doing while all the members of their group unfamiliar with magic looked around in confusion.

Arria looked back at Alistair and he nodded, confirming their suspicions. "How many do you think?" she asked, knowing that as a Templar he would be able to get a better sense of how many there were.

"Somewhere between five and ten, they are too far away for me to get a proper sense," he answered, preparing to jump out of the cart but Arria shook her head.

"You aren't fit to fight yet, stay there," she urged.

"Alistair, she's right. You'd better stay here," added Elissa, placing a gentle hand on his arm to get him to stay put. "I can't fire my bow yet, take that if you feel you need something to put your mind at ease."

Alistair took her up on her suggestion and fetched her weapon from behind them. It felt slightly alien to be using a bow again, not having fired one in a long time, but he remembered the basics and knew he had quite a good aim. Hopefully he wasn't going to be needed here but it would help to be ready. Arria ran to Morrigan and spoke to her quietly, urging her to hide inside the cart and not reveal herself unless it was absolutely necessary. Odds were high that the Templars would be looking for a fight anyway but there was still a chance of a peaceful resolution and hopefully the Templars wouldn't be paying enough attention to notice there were actually four mages in their group rather than just two. The witch raised an eyebrow but nodded her head in acceptance, retreating into the cart and keeping herself out of sight behind Alistair and Elissa. Hallai took up station outside the cart with Zevran next to her as the rest of their group readied themselves for battle.

Unlike the rest of their group, Arria had not drawn her weapons in the hope that the rest of them would be intimidating enough. The Templars were allies of the Grey Wardens now, but that didn't mean that out here in the expanse of Ferelden with the country on the verge of collapse that they would be so willing to just take their word on their identity. Besides, if what Anders had said was true and the paranoia surrounding Blood mages had hit such heights…It might not matter what they said.

It was only another couple of minutes before five Templars came into sight, their weapons drawn and prepared to launch multiple Smites. Arria stood her ground at the head of the group, knowing well that so many Smites at the same time would completely cripple everyone with magical blood in their party. The leader of the Templars took special note of the group and spied Anders within their ranks. He told his men to wait and hold their Smites for now as he approached Arria. His weapon was lowered as he came closer, realising that all those behind would not hesitate to strike should she be threatened in any way. "I advise you to hand over the apostate in your company, stranger," he said, shooting a cold glare at Anders.

"That I cannot do," stated Arria, stepping in his line of sight so that she was his focus. "You see, I am invoking the Right of Conscription. Anders has already agreed to become a Grey Warden, and you now hold no power here."

The Templar looked at her in shock for a few seconds before his glare turned furious, his voice raising several levels. "You dare to claim that you are a Grey Warden? The Grey Wardens know the dangers of magic well, they helped to save the Circle Tower from magic not so long ago and you claim that you have accepted this apostate into your company? Are you such a fool?"

Arria was about to argue back when a voice asking them to wait called out from behind her. She spun to see Alistair gingerly stepping down from the cart and approach them. Her heart leapt into her mouth, fearing that if things went south he wouldn't be able to defend himself but from the corner of her eye she saw the other Templar recoil in shock. "Maybe you cannot believe just her word, but surely I am proof enough," said Alistair, standing beside Arria as she faced down the Templars.

The other man took a few seconds to regain himself. "Alistair? Maker's breath it is you, isn't it? We were told that you were among those who died at Ostagar."

"Not quite, but myself and the young woman beside me were the only survivors."

"You two know each other?" asked Arria, looking between them suspiciously.

"Yeah, Alistair kicked my ass at the tournament held just before he became a Grey Warden. Can't forget a humiliating defeat like that any time soon. So is what you are saying true? You have really conscripted the apostate?"

Alistair nodded. "It is true. Anders has already saved both our lives and is a valued member of our group. If you are worried about him being a Blood mage, we can both vouch to the fact that he is not."

"What he does contain, however, is some rather damning knowledge concerning the activities of the Templars within the Circle," added Arria, not missing how the Templar's eyes narrowed icily at her. "I am not saying we believe all of it, but we intend to speak with Greagoir with regards to these allegations. If abuses are occurring, we cannot allow it to continue."

"I can't tell if you are bold or stupid for airing such allegations here," sneered the Templar coldly. "Regardless of whether it is true or not, the mages cannot be believed. The recent events at the Tower are proof of that."

"Oh Maker's ass you are all the same!" exclaimed a voice from behind which both the Wardens recognised as Anders. "He says that when he has a rapist among his group!"

"Silence mage!" declared the Templar, raising his sword at Anders but Arria stepped forward, swiftly drawing one of her daggers and holding it just under his chin in warning.

"Yeah, you might defend him but I've seen the damage he's caused! Two of the young elven apprentices were raped by him and two of his friends and you weren't the one who had to heal them of the massive damage caused time and again. Those poor girls can't say a word against them because the rest of you will react just as you do! You can't ever believe that one of your own isn't innocent!" Anders pointed at another one of the Templars, one with short black hair and glared at him. "Both the girls described you in detail, asking the rest of us to protect them as best we can so that you couldn't put them through any more horrors. It lasted for all of three weeks before you managed to corner one of them and hurt her so badly that she was found dead from blood loss by another mage! How can you live with yourself as a murderer and rapist?!" demanded Anders, his fury pouring out into a physical manifestation of a fireball. Arria looked at him and shook her head, allowing him to see all the shadows she normally hid.

The mage understood the message she was trying to relay: this wasn't the right way to solve things. A couple of the other Templars were still ready with their Smites and were about to launch when Anders snuffed out the fireball and turned away. There was only one person he was going to listen to in this situation because there was only one who could relate, and that was Arria. She knew it from the other side, she was a survivor of those horrors and he respected her enough to listen to her in this matter. The Templar she had a knife-point was amazed when Anders backed off instead of launching his attack, giving him genuine pause. Why would he cease his attack? Unless…He lowered his weapon and Arria mirrored the move, stepping back to beside Alistair. He turned and faced his accused comrade, eyes boring deep into his soul. "What do you have to say in response to these claims?"

The black-haired Templar stuttered for a few seconds before he saw the glacial gazes of both Arria and Anders. Knowing he was now exposed, he let loose his Smite, intending to silence those who knew of his crimes. Anders was thrown back and collapsed to the ground in a heap while Arria doubled over in pain, Wynne reacting just as she did a few metres behind. The attack spurred the Wardens' group into action with Rod, Leliana, Sten and Carou charging at the Templars. Rod intercepted an attack by the guilty Templar aimed at Anders and knocked him back just as the rest of his comrades joined the fray. Carou swiftly knocked over one of the men and he fell unconscious from the collision with the ground as Leliana's arrows struck another, leaving him crippled. Sten parried several blows by another one but brought one of his strong hands upon the man's helmet, sending him into unconsciousness. Rod threw back the guilty Templar who came to land at the feet of his commander and the Wardens.

He looked up in fear at the three of them, not missing the deadly glares he was subjected to by Arria and Alistair. His own comrade seemed disgusted at his actions and stood before him angrily. "Why?" he demanded.

The Templar sneered. "They were just elven mages, who is going to miss them? The only thing worse than a mage is an elven mage. Better they be left to the Maker's judgement than wander free. Still, at least they had some use-"

Before he had the chance to finish his sentence his breath was stolen away, a knife implanted deep within his stomach. He looked fearfully up at his attacker and gasped for what little breath he could as the dagger was driven further up into his ribcage. "Do you think that gives you the right to humiliate them? To _torture _them? No wonder the mages fear the Templars as they do, especially when their power is abused by someone like you. You say it is better that they be left to the Maker's judgement, but what about you? How do you think He is going to react when he looks back on your crimes?" The man screeched with the last of his breath as the dagger was twisted, causing the most damage it could. "You'd better hope the Maker is forgiving, or else you will face his wrath."

He dropped to the ground, lifeless as he expelled his last breath. The Warden growled and breathed deeply for a few seconds before a gentle hand caught his attention. Alistair spun and saw the question in Arria's eyes, shocked at what it was he had just done. He passed her back her other blade and kissed her forehead, no regret whatsoever in his actions. "He deserved it, no-one should get away with crimes like that," he stated emotionlessly before he headed back to the cart, the throbbing in his legs making it known he had done too much.

Arria watched him go sadly, knowing what it was he was thinking. "He has changed…" whispered the Templar commander, stunned at what he had just seen.

She sighed deeply before she faced him again. "This journey has hardened him: he is still forgiving to most, but he now knows there are some crimes that there can be no redemption from. He is determined to change things so that everyone can live free, and he is willing to defy a lot of people to see it come to pass. So, what now?" she asked, hoping that there would not be too many consequences to Alistair's actions.

"I will take the rest of my men back to Kinloch Hold and…explain to Greagoir. Just how I'm going to tell him what has happened…I do not know."

Arria felt some sympathy for the Templar, knowing he had only been doing his job. "Leave out as much as you can and I will bear the brunt of his fury when I arrive there in about two weeks. I always intended to visit Kinloch Hold and explain, but I now have a second motive. That little episode has proven that there is abuse of power within the Templars and I intend to see that the mages are not victims of it any longer. I cannot say the mages are innocent of all crimes, but this is something I _will not _ignore."

The commander looked at her gently. "Why do I get the feeling you have been the victim of that type of abuse?" Her gaze was piercing but he did not back down. "I don't mean that in a negative way. It is just…your voice carries an edge to it that makes me think you know the pain they are suffering from." Arria stayed notably silent, not vocally confirming his suspicions but her lack of response gave him all the answer he needed. "Very well, I shall report back to Greagoir and leave the explanations to you. Maker's blessing go with you, Warden. May your journey to Lake Calenhad be smooth and uneventful."

Arria scoffed at him. "Uneventful it will not be, but I hope it goes easier than much of our journey so far. Take care on your way and let Greagoir know that I will see him in two weeks all being well."

* * *

The Templars had headed on their way shortly after the last of their group regained consciousness, taking their comrade's body with them though whether they intended to carry him all the way back to Lake Calenhad was doubtful. It had been but a few more miles before the group decided to camp for the night, wary of choosing a location which was defensible. Much of the group had been silent since the confrontation with the Templars and within minutes of finishing the camp Arria noticed the lack of Alistair. She was unsurprised but still worried for him. That event earlier had shown her that he still carried a lot of hatred with regards to her suffering and while she may not disagree with his actions – anything but, she was inches from gutting the Templar herself when Alistair beat her to it – it may have serious consequences down the road. She suspected that was the first time he had killed anyone like that before and she wondered how he was taking it.

Arria heard the sound of arrows striking a tree not too far from their camp and went to investigate, surprised when she saw that it was in fact Alistair. He still had not handed back Elissa's bow from earlier and was getting in some practice, knowing this was likely going to be his only form of combat for the next few days and he needed to be ready. A few curses left him as he missed the tree he was aiming at but a twig snapping off to the right caught his attention. He was ready to fire when he saw it was Arria standing a few feet away and lowered the weapon, her steady gaze meeting his own conflicted one. "How long have you been on your feet?" she asked, still wary of him putting his legs under too much strain, especially since after tonight he should have all movement back.

Alistair sighed in relent and slid down a tree, freeing them from the exertion. "Long enough," he admitted. Arria came to slide down another side of the tree and grasped his hand, hoping he would let her in.

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes before her gentle voice broke it. "Why did you do it?"

Alistair was reluctant to answer and she could sense it, knowing that whatever he was thinking was going to be hard for her to hear. It took the best part of a minute before he eventually decided to voice his thoughts, knowing she deserved to know the truth. "I just couldn't stand by and let him walk away, knowing full well that nothing would have been done before we reached the Tower. Anders said it himself that he had killed one of the girls he had abused and I just couldn't-I was…"

"You couldn't stop thinking that it could have been me," she finished.

"For all we know, he would have gone back and taken out being discovered on the poor girl who was left. What damage could he have caused in those two weeks before we eventually get there? I've seen from your nightmares what it is that haunts you, but I know it is only a fraction of what it is that you have to fight through." He paused, a question which had been swimming around in his head for a couple of weeks now coming to his mind again. "Arria, can I ask you something?"

She smiled but he couldn't see it. "Anything."

"What was it that…was worst?"

That wasn't what she had been expecting, but she wasn't entirely surprised. He had slowly been getting bolder with the questions he was asking and she had figured it was only a matter of time before they came across a subject which would be tough for both of them: hearing and speaking. "The pain was excruciating to begin with and it never really lessened, I just learned how to cope with it better. Lack of control was difficult as well, knowing there was nothing I could do. I could fight, but all that would do was cause me more pain and he would make me suffer for it later. No, the worst was… the humiliation. It isn't something I can even attempt to explain, having something like that taken from you without your control. The knowledge that you couldn't do anything to stop them and that they have so much power over you…it's even worse when it is front of an audience: they are witness to your shame and I lost count of how many times I wanted to die in those moments. I wanted nothing more than to die and for it all to end, but I was denied even that. He wouldn't even allow me to die as I wanted, it was yet another thing he controlled."

Alistair felt sick to his stomach. He'd known it was going to be difficult to hear the truth but nothing could truly prepare him for it. When his grip on her hand tightened she gripped back firmly, reassuring him that she was there and she was safe. "Are you all right?"

She scrunched her face in surprise. "I'm fine actually. It's not so hard talking about it now that I've begun to truly face it. I feel a little lighter every time I let you in. What about you?"

"It's almost more than I can bear, hearing what you went through, but I need to know. I have to see what it is you've survived, so I can be sure that you'll be okay as this gets tougher."

Arria shifted so that she was crouched before him, locking their eyes together as she gave him a gentle smile. "I've been through hell and back, this Blight won't be any worse," she stated, earning a small chuckle out of him. His eyes slid shut as one of her hands started running through his hair, massaging his scalp. It was starting to get a little longer now and she liked it, but she could tell it was starting to annoy him so it would no doubt be trimmed soon. "It's you I'm worried about. You seem to have a deep anger building up inside you and I'm curious as to why."

Alistair sighed and leant more against the tree, feeling emotionally drained. Arria saw how exhausted he was and nudged his legs apart, sitting between them and leaning back into his chest. He smiled at feeling her so close and wrapped his arms around her, appreciating having her so close. "I was never in a position to change anything before. Now, after Loghain's betrayal, your suffering, the struggles the people of Ferelden face…I feel that I can't just sit back and ignore it. Something has to be done and the inability to do anything right now is driving me insane. Every day we spend on this journey means one step closer to the Archdemon, but right now we aren't ready. I know that just as well as you do."

She smiled. "You've found rather a defiant streak, haven't you?"

He laughed quietly. "I guess you could call it that. Is it such a bad thing?"

"No, we'll need it to defeat the Archdemon because we will certainly be defying the odds." She knew there was more to it that he was currently saying, but both of them were exhausted. A rustling from behind caught their attention and they were surprised when Carou appeared from the direction of the camp, two blankets tied to his back. The Mabari barked at them and Arria chuckled. "No doubt Lissa decided we wouldn't be coming back for a while so sent these with you, eh?" Carou barked in confirmation as Arria untangled the blankets from his back. She passed one back to Alistair as she settled back between his legs, wrapping herself up in preparation for sleep. "This is going to be a long journey to the Circle again, I can't help but wonder what it is we are going to find."

Alistair wrapped the blanket around the front of his arms and circled Arria with it, holding her close. "I don't know, but it is probably going to be rough. We've been so wrapped up in the Blight that we haven't seen the civil war yet. Maybe we can make a difference on the way there."

She snuggled into him, Carou standing guard at their feet as they tried to get some desperately needed rest. With all the emotional struggles of the past days, they were going to need all their strength: mental and physical. "We can but hope."

* * *

Translations:

_Sur mi anere – _I love you

_Mi al sur anere – _And I love you

Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, hopefully the next one won't be such a struggle to write. Please leave me your thoughts and I'll get the next one up as soon as I can.

Negative Angel


	38. Survivors and Victims

Special thanks to **Melysande **and **Kid-X**, my reviewers of the last chapter. I am now tantalisingly close to 150 reviews and it is my next target for this story. Let's see if we can achieve it within the next two chapters!

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.**

* * *

**Chapter 37: Survivors and Victims**

The Wardens had slept for a couple of hours before they returned to camp, both feeling a little more refreshed. Now that he had found time to process the events of before, Alistair had become slightly more quiet but from the look in his eyes Arria could tell he did not regret a thing. She had no doubt that had he never known her, it might be very different but having taken each step of her road to recovery with her, he was very unforgiving when it came to those kinds of crimes. It gave her much assurance to know that, when the time came, he would not let Howe get away. For the moment, however, they had bigger problems to deal with: saving Arl Eamon being at the top of the list.

When they arrived back it was to see Elissa without her bandages, the last of her physical injuries having been healed. She greeted both Alistair and Arria with a hug and a beaming smile, lightening the moods of the pair. It wasn't long afterwards that Anders approached with a gentle smile, offering to complete the last of Alistair's healing. They retreated to the Wardens' tent so that it could be done in peace. "Well, you'll be pleased to hear that this one won't be nearly so painful as last time," informed Anders after both Alistair and Arria had got comfortable. "It will, however, take a lot longer. After this though, it is just about stamina rebuilding you'll be pleased to hear. Any lasting effects from last night?"

Alistair shrugged. "Other than a permanent ache in my legs, none, but I am guessing I'll have to put up with this for a long time regardless."

"Well, with any luck you might not." Anders' smile dropped slightly. "Look, I'm going to be honest with the two of you here. There is a very good chance that some of this damage is permanent: some of these muscles may be beyond all healing and will cause you pain for the rest of your life. I'll do all I can but…I thought I'd better warn you both first."

Both Alistair and Arria shared a look, having known this might happen. With a nod of acceptance at the mage, they sat back and waited patiently as Anders began the long task of finally healing Alistair's legs. Arria brought her hand up to Alistair's shoulder and caught his attention, holding his gaze for a few seconds as she saw the uncertainty within. If what they feared came true, it could dramatically change things. They knew Alistair would still be able to fight, that was no longer in doubt, but if there was lasting damage he might have to change his style significantly.

It was nearly ten minutes later that Anders was finished and as soon as he was done he slumped in exhaustion. The Wardens were watching him expectantly, knowing that he would have been able to tell much more than they could, his magic revealing more than their eyes could see. When he finally met their eyes, they knew it wasn't good. "Okay, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that none of your muscles were beyond at least some form of repair, so you should have almost all function back. The bad news…some of the damage was too great for me to completely fix. Many of the muscles in your right leg especially came off worse and will continue to cause you pain for a long time to come yet. Given enough time I am in no doubt that they can heal, but it means you'll have to be a little bit more careful from here on out."

"What do you mean?" asked Arria, unsure as to what it was he meant exactly.

"Because Alistair uses a shield, he is used to absorbing impacts rather than evading them. As such his physique reflects that and his strength is concentrated in the areas of his body which are used to take the blows. His thighs would be one of those but with this weakness, I'm afraid you won't be able to take many powerful blows before your leg gives out. Over time you can regain some stamina, but it will never hit the levels you used to possess. Standard combat you should be fine in and I'm sure that many of us can help you train back to fighting form, though if we come up against something powerful I'm not sure how much you'll be able to take. I know it's not what you two wanted to hear but this could have been so much worse…Just try and bear that in mind when things get tough."

Arria smiled her appreciation and hugged the mage briefly, Alistair shaking his hand shortly after. "Thanks for everything, Anders. I imagine you are going to be thankful you won't have to drain yourself in healing me anymore," joked Alistair.

Anders laughed. "Not at all, that's what I'm here for. Besides, you two have given me the greatest gift of all in the form of my freedom; this is the least I could do. I just can't wait until after I become a full Grey Warden and manage to help you guys out. You've both got to shoulder so much responsibility that I'd be glad to help you out."

"It's not something to be taken lightly, Anders. There are a lot of negative things to being a Warden too," added Arria in a soft voice, betraying the hurt she still felt regarding certain side effects. Alistair noticed the sadness which she tried to conceal and held her hand gently. Arria gripped back briefly, appreciating his support but she knew this would not be the last time the topic came up, especially with the greater steps they were making towards intimacy. Anders frowned, realising that maybe there were more serious implications rather than just a change to a person's way of life. He sensed the solemn mood building in the tent and left to give the Wardens privacy.

Once Anders had left Alistair sat patiently, waiting to see how Arria would respond. He found his answer when she turned and nestled herself into his hold, needing to feel him close as the despair crashed over her again. She still had not fully accepted the loss of her ability to conceive children and had been deliberately avoiding all thought regarding the subject since the Dalish, but now that she had strayed back into that line of thinking she couldn't bury it again. When Alistair leant back she went with him, a few of her tears dampening his tunic as she let her heart feel the loss. "I'm sorry," she spoke quietly, almost so soft that he didn't hear her, but hear her he did.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked, stroking her hair lightly to try and calm her.

"I shouldn't be reacting like this, I've known for a long time now and yet it feels like a raw wound still. Why?" It was a rhetorical question, they both knew why it was hitting her harder now that it had before. Now that they were moving towards territory that meant, were circumstances different, they might have thought about children, it was hurting much more. A thought struck her and she sat up, looking at him seriously. "I've never really asked you this but…would you want children?"

Alistair sighed, having sensed this question coming and had been thinking about his answer for a while now. "Because I was cooped up in the Chantry and I was sure I would never have the opportunity, I never really thought about it. Even after I became a Warden it didn't really matter to me, but I must admit…since we have started to move more towards intimacy, it has been on my mind. I wonder who it was we might have created together had we the chance. In answer to your question, I would have, but I suppose it doesn't really matter now."

She nodded miserably and settled again, the great hole in her heart widening slightly more. It was still the theft which hurt the most, though thinking about all she had lost made her pause. Had fate played out the way it was meant to, she _should _have suffered another, even greater, one. Only Morrigan's intervention meant she still had something to cherish and love, had she failed or not possessed the knowledge then Arria would now be the last Grey Warden in Ferelden…and the Blight would go on unabated. Her body instinctively stiffened thinking just how close she had been to losing Alistair forever and he noticed the change.

He tilted her head up again, trying to decipher the look in her eyes. Sorrow, relief, fear and grief were all woven together but before he could ask her anymore she pushed herself up and connected their lips, suddenly overcome with the need to feel him. To feel just how alive he was. Thoughts of what should have been his death were crushing what little remained of her heart and she needed to know he was there with her, else she might lose herself to the near miss. Alistair was surprised by the move but swiftly pulled her in closer, not questioning the change. He had learned, now that they were taking more steps towards reaching their completion that sometimes she had to feel their connection: it was how she told the difference between memories and a past which had nearly destroyed her and the future they were slowly creating together. If things were becoming too much, this was her lifeline and he had no complaints in showing her just how much he cared. The opportunity to worship her as he wished was something he still so new and exhilarating that he wasn't going to turn it down, even if he knew she was using it as a distraction.

Arria moaned quietly when his hands found her back and started running up and down her spine, setting her skin on fire and sending tingles throughout her. Breaking their kiss, she shifted to start teasing his jaw, smiling with pride when she felt him fight back an expression at her actions. Slowly but surely, she was revelling in the fact that she could make him want her with very little effort and she was starting to beat the feelings of fear it created within her. It made her feel more like a woman rather than just a victim and the change was a pleasant one. Though it still sent her heart racing, knowing that the more they moved forward the more she would have to confront the act which had torn her being apart in so many ways, it was a challenge she was finally deciding she wanted to face. Before she would have done anything to avoid intimacy, never having experienced the joys of it with a man she loved rather than having her body used simply for the pleasure of another. Now that she knew the true emotions meant to be invoked, she never wanted it to stop. It was too soon to be moving to any unfamiliar ground, but that didn't mean he couldn't send her mind spinning and her spirit alight.

A shiver ripped up her as his hands moved to stroke her sides while he started lapping at the side of her neck, forcing her to pause in her own actions to bite back a deep moan of pleasure. They were still in the camp and while really there was only danger of Elissa and Rod hearing from their tent, there could still be people wandering about and overhear them if they weren't careful. One of Alistair's hands skimmed over her wrap and she froze for a split second at the change before she relaxed into his touch. He smiled with pride into her neck, amazed at the courage she held and the steps forward she had taken in such a small time, but with all the near misses they had suffered he knew she was determined to beat Howe into oblivion. When he shifted to look into her eyes, he saw that she wasn't afraid. She _wanted _this, just as much as he did and that broke one of the barriers of self-control he held.

She whimpered softly when the hand slipped under the fabric and began teasing the sensitive flesh beneath but from how she pressed herself harder into his touch he knew it was from enjoyment rather than distress. The bandages had been discarded earlier that day, the extra protection no longer needed and allowed him the chance to explore her more thoroughly. Alistair's mouth latched onto her neck again and she began writhing in his grasp when his tongue started to tease her skin. She shifted her legs so that she was straddling his body just above his hips as he continued to send all thought out of her mind. All she could do was just about manage to stop crying out in euphoria at the emotions he was stirring within her, gasping when he took a hold of one of her nipples and began running it between his fingers. She could not help but wonder how it was his hands were so skilled when she knew he was just as inexperienced as she was, for he had her completely at his mercy, never wanting him to stop. Arria sighed in disappointment when his hand left her breast but when the other joined it and slid to reach the knot of her wrap, she knew what it was he wanted to do. Shifting to kiss him deeply, she helped banish any doubts from his mind that this was indeed what she wanted.

Alistair managed to undo the knot without too much hassle and allowed the fabric to fall, revealing her chest before he pulled it from her back. Arria shuddered at the sudden impact of the cold on her skin but his hands gave her warmth again, making sure that he didn't linger over any of her scars. The flesh was still tender and would need tending to again later, but for now he was more concerned with showering her with affection. She couldn't help but cry out into his mouth when he took hold of both her nipples and began teasing the sensitive peaks. He smirked into their kiss and broke it to whisper into her ear. "I love being able to do this to you," he purred, sending a shiver of anticipation through her. Had she possessed the ability to respond she would have, but her breath had currently been stolen away at the sensations running through her. When he nudged her side, encouraging her to roll off him she was curious as to his intent but trusted him.

Arria rolled away, breathing deeply when Alistair settled himself above her. This was the one position they knew she was still uneasy with, the memories associated with it causing her to tense up slightly but he didn't allow her to linger on it, kissing her neck with passion and want while running his hands softly over her stomach. She soon relaxed into his ministrations, the memories which had briefly invaded her mind being banished back where they belonged as she needed to feel them closer. When she began working at his tunic he left her skin long enough only to rip it over his head before he continued his assault on her senses, causing her to whimper quietly. The heat between them was building rapidly and though he tried to hide it, Arria felt his arousal when he shifted. Unlike before however, she tried to not let it bother her. His obvious want for her was doing wonders for her confidence, even if currently she could nothing other than surrender completely to his actions, such was the effect he was having on her.

He started moving down, pausing only to take pride in the necklace she wore, symbolising the promise which she had accepted before he descended down to fullness of her breasts. Arria bit her lip, trying desperately to stop herself from crying out as he began to kiss between them, slowly moving to lavish attention on every area of unblemished skin. When he took one of the pink peaks in his mouth, she made a sound which sounded suspiciously like a squeak such was her effort to contain it. Her cheeks went scarlet and she knew he hadn't missed it from the chuckle which rose out of him. "Well, you are struggling to keep quiet there, aren't you?" he teased lightly, flicking his tongue over her nipple to make his point. Arria swallowed back on another outcry and Alistair barely had time to catch the mischievous flash in her eyes before her legs locked around him and she reversed their positions.

He laughed quietly in surprise and couldn't help but be captivated by the sparkle in her eyes. She looked positively vibrant but the impish smile on her face caught and held his attention. "Let's see how well you can keep control then," she challenged before descending to map a path along his chest with her tongue, exploring every inch of flesh that she could reach. Alistair snapped his mouth shut to hold back on the deep groan which wanted to escape him, gasping when he felt her rub the backs of her nails along his stomach. Arria smirked and began repeating the action all the way up his sides, giggling softly when he squirmed, unsure if he wanted to get closer or shift away from her touch. When she shifted again the pair of them froze, his hardness pressing right into her stomach. This was a moment that both of them had been apprehensive of since the violent flashback she had suffered from in Denerim but Arria met Alistair's eyes quickly, letting him see her insecurities and needing him as an anchor to the present. Their eyes stayed locked together for what felt like an eternity before Arria swallowed hard, shoving her fear back down as she continued on her mission to get him to lose control just as she had. Alistair gasped in surprise, the last thing he expected having been for her to keep going and when she started shifting her own bare chest against his own, he began to feel his control slipping.

"Arri," he whispered, grabbing a light hold of her shoulders. This was their limit, at least for now, for as much as he wanted it to continue, she wasn't ready for another step and they both knew it. She slowed down, eventually coming to rest directly on top of him as she connected their lips again in a slow kiss. He responded eagerly, struggling to contain himself. As if their previous activities hadn't been stimulating enough, just the feel of her naked chest pressed flat against his own was proving to be too much. If this level of intimacy was doing this to him, Maker knew how things would be when they took another step.

Arria pulled back and smiled knowingly, tracing small circles on his chest with her fingers. Alistair wasn't the only one feeling extremely aroused at the moment and she thrived in the feeling, even if she couldn't find the release she wanted. Feeling as well as seeing how he was struggling to keep a rein on himself, she pecked him again lightly before she shifted off him. She shivered at the sudden cold and carefully tied up her wrap again as well as fetching a change of clothes. After she reached over into his pack and fetched several items which needed washing, she smiled gently at him. "I'm going to take care of all this stuff. I'll see you when you are ready," she said while gathering up everything, smiling at him just before she left the tent.

She had changed just outside the camp and found a small stream not too far away to wash all their clothes when she heard soft footsteps behind her. Knowing the steps of elven-kind well, she didn't even turn around as she greeted the assassin. "Hello, Zev," she chirped while continuing to wash her wrap.

Zevran smirked as he sat next to her. "Hello, princess," he responded, his smirk growing at her raised eyebrow.

"Princess, really?" she asked.

"Why not, now that we know you are all but betrothed to a prince?" Arria sighed deeply while shaking her head. No doubt Zevran was only doing this because they were alone and it was a rare opportunity to tease her this way. "So, what is it that is on your mind, princess? From the sparkle in your eyes I can guess that you and your lovely Warden found pleasurable company in each other, yet you seem thoughtful."

Arria chuckled: had it come from anyone else except Elissa she might have felt terribly embarrassed. At least it was just Zevran being Zevran. "I can't help but think about what happened earlier today, with the Templars. Did Alistair…make the right choice? Should he have killed that Templar? I know I was inches from potentially gutting him myself but I can't help but wonder what the ramifications might be."

Zevran twirled a piece of her hair between his fingers. "You shouldn't dwell on such a small matter, dearest. Alistair was right in his actions, and I believe that man is in more of a position than any of us to judge a Templar. Not only is he one of them, but he has seen the consequences of such horrific acts from you. Given his personal feelings on the matter, I believe he was relatively kind in his judgement."

She frowned. "Alistair couldn't have done anything else, I am almost surprised he doesn't regret what he did. I imagine it is the first time he has deliberately killed someone with such an intent."

"Perhaps, but no doubt you have done the same, precious. Can you honestly tell me that revenge is not sometimes the best solution?"

Arria sighed deeply, knowing it to be true. While she did not necessarily approve of revenge, sometimes it was the best medicine and many of their group were on such quests. Leliana might now have hers against Marjolaine, but both she and Alistair sought Loghain while the list was growing for Arl Howe. She could think of herself, Elissa, Rod, Alistair and Zevran who would all want a crack at him, and it wouldn't surprise her if Anders suddenly decided to join in having seen the abuse the female mages suffered. If he ever found out the full magnitude, she was in no doubt he would volunteer his services. "Maybe not, but he's not a natural born killer, Zev. Unlike us, he is innocent to the cruller nature of the world."

"If you had said such a statement a week ago, I might have believed you. Now, however, I must say I think you are mistaken."

"What do you mean?"

"Surely you have seen it yourself, dearest. His spirit is changing, hardening, in preparation for what lies ahead. I saw the beginnings of it in Denerim but it truly began to take hold after your confrontation with Arl Howe. There could be no mistaking his intent, not only in regard to you but to you both. I have no doubt that he would relish the opportunity to not only break our secret prince, but you as well, precious. It was visible, throughout your entire face-off that you are the one he let slip away. He never intended to let you live beyond your captivity and you are now a threat to him. You possess the knowledge which could bring about his downfall, and your popularity is growing. Given enough time and the choosing the correct moment, you can bring about his demise.

"Alistair knows that bastard will stop at nothing to reclaim you and see to it that you never leave his clutches alive again, and he is willing to do anything to stop that fate from befalling you." Zevran held her chin and made sure their eyes were locked. "And he is not the only one, princess."

Arria smiled timidly back at him. She knew how protective some of their group were of her. Everyone who knew about her captivity were protective, but Zevran and especially Alistair took it to another level and it terrified her. If anything ever happened to them because they were shielding her, she would never forgive herself. "I'm scared, Zev," she admitted in a quiet voice. "I'm scared that he's going to snap when he finds out what really happened."

"What is it you have not told him, precious?"

She opened her mouth and shut it again, seriously considering just leaving it but now that she had spoken those words, to leave him without the knowledge would leave him to invent a story of his own, and while she was sure whatever he imagined probably would not compare to the truth, it was still better he know. Arria shuddered slightly, leading Zevran to take a gentle hold of her hands. There was nothing in the gesture other than a source of comfort and though she knew Zevran was no threat, she still couldn't help the instinctive urge to pull away. With her most harrowing memories so close, she perceived even him as a danger. She bit her lip before she spoke in a tiny voice.

"I once said to Alistair that there were six times I should have died and cheated Death. The truth is…it numbers closer to a hundred times I have lain at Death's feet and been wrenched back to the land of the living."

The assassin was stunned momentarily silent as Arria poured out part of her darkest secret. "He…he always found pleasure in abusing and breaking my body but for months I kept my spirit intact, despite all that. It wasn't until he realised that I still thought I had one measure of control in my life that he finally shattered me to where I was before Duncan found me. The last thing I could decide was when I tried to end my life, even if it didn't come to the result I prayed for. Once he realised that he started torturing me…to death. I felt my life slipping away Zev and I was more than ready to disappear from the world but every single time he ripped me away from that peace and back into that nightmare. It didn't take long before it became too much for me and I just…gave up. I was all but dead, a hollow shell without a soul which became his toy."

A few of her silent tears hit his hands as he reeled from the revelation. Zevran wanted to hold her tightly but sensed this would probably be the worst moment to do so. Instead he sat as her quiet companion, waiting for her to reclaim a control on her emotions. Considering how long he had known it to take after the confrontation with Howe, he was amazed at how fast she came back to reality. Barely ten minutes had gone by the time she turned to him with a small smile, seeing the rage which threatened to consume him. If there had been any doubt in his mind as to whether Howe would suffer for his crimes or not, they had just found the answer. "Zev, you can't tell Alistair. If he finds out…I don't know if it would break him or send him on a mad quest for vengeance. Until I think he is ready to hear it or I have no choice but to tell him, swear to me that you will keep this to yourself."

Zevran growled in his throat. Arria had obviously twigged that the two of them had become good friends despite their awkward start, since then they had begun to share much concerning Arria. Zevran had told Alistair of the woman he had known back in Nileesa while Alistair let him into the nightmares which sometimes haunted her, though so far neither had given away anything that they were sure Arria was uncomfortable with the other possessing. The elf couldn't find it in himself to tell such a harrowing truth, knowing Arria was right. He strongly suspected it would be the latter option based on the events of today and, despite what Arria wished, Alistair was going to find out eventually. This was one secret she could not keep forever. "Fear not, my Dancer. Your beloved will not hear of this from me," assured Zevran, earning a smile of gratitude from the young woman.

Arria turned her attention back to the clothes she was still in the process of washing for a few seconds before something occurred to her. "Zev, can I ask you something?"

He chuckled. "Careful, princess. You might not want to hear all my thoughts."

She slapped his arm lightly. "I do know you, you daft assassin. What I was going to ask was…how did you recognise me so quickly when we crossed paths again?"

Zevran sat back and smirked slightly. "Well, you have asked so obviously you are braced for my answer. The truth is that from when we met, I could not get you out of my head, dearest. You were not only something truly beautiful, but you were one of the things which I had desired the most. As such I kept a watch on you over a length of time, right up until your lands were destroyed and I believed you had perished with the rest of your kin."

"Wait…you watched me up until Merlinne fell? Zev, that was two whole years."

"Indeed it was."

Arria watched him with a gentle smile. "Why did you never say anything to me? Surely you would have had plenty opportunity to do so."

"That I may have had, princess, but I was never free enough to do so. Should the Crows ever have realised just what power you held over me…Well, let's just say weakness does not go down well with them, as you well know."

"They'd have tried to have us both eliminated, or at the very least me."

"Indeed they would have. So, rather than risk you, even though I was sure you could handle yourself against any of the Crows, I settled for admiring you from afar."

She blushed. "I never knew that. So despite me being Nileesan you…?"

Zevran smiled gently. "That I did, dearest. I mourned you for a time, privately of course, and I never forgot you. When I realised just who you were, I was ready to surrender but you overpowered me first." Arria smiled at the memory of how they had met again. "After that, I could see the vast changes within you. You are not the same woman I once desired."

Had she not known how he meant it, she might have taken offense. "How right you are. The woman you knew was probably cheerful, vibrant, graceful, confident and intimidating. Me…I'm darker, more fragile, less forgiving and much harder. I miss her…who I used to be."

"That you may, and so do I to some degree, but this woman who stands before me now is much more than you said. She is strong, powerful and a true force. Not only that, but only a fool would stand against her with intent. I pity those poor souls who are sent to chase after you and your beloved, for they have no idea of the hurricane they must face." Arria giggled, appreciating the compliment. "That is not all, however. You now have something much more within you, something which you protect and cherish more than yourself. That, my Dancer, is what makes you truly deadly."

Arria smiled, knowing he was right. She did have something more to fight for other than herself now, and she never wanted to let that go. "I wonder what kind of world we would be living in had we won that battle…no doubt we would never have had peace, but maybe we could have been accepted."

"Perhaps, precious. I guess we shall now never know."

She hummed in agreement as something clicked in her head. "Wait a minute. Zev, if you were admiring me for that long, does that mean you never found anyone else in that time? What about since?"

Zevran may have tried to hide how unsettled he was by her perceptiveness but Arria still saw through him. The assassin plastered on a fake smile which he knew she would spy but he was not ready to reveal that truth…not yet. "That is a discussion for another time. Your secret prince will be waiting for you, and I believe I have kept you for long enough. Sleep well, princess."

Arria watched him go sadly, only now realising just how many hurts Zevran was hiding. She couldn't help but wonder how much more there was to the story than what he had shared so far: the look in his eyes betrayed that she had re-opened a deep wound, one which she suspected might be recent. It didn't take her long to finish and set up their clothes to dry outside their tent, and when she returned Alistair instantly saw something was weighing on her mind. He grabbed a hold of her, focusing her attention on him. "What's wrong, Arri?"

She looked around and took his hand, wanting to make sure they would not be overheard. "Not here." The two Wardens resettled in their tent and Arria told Alistair about what Zevran had revealed. He had not been surprised to hear that Zevran held genuine feelings for Arria once, the elf having all but admitted it to him before but what did surprise him was how he had apparently clammed up when Arria enquired more.

"Hang on a sec, Zevran deliberately avoided the question, going so far as to walk off right after you asked about it?"

"Yeah, I think someone badly hurt him and he's doing his best to hide it. I wonder what could have happened to him."

"I don't know, but that isn't like Zevran."

"No…it's not." The pair sat in silence for a few seconds before Alistair went to Arria's pack and withdrew the waterskin and washrag. She smiled at him and began undoing her wrap, no longer feeling so shy about being exposed. Alistair couldn't help but admire the massive steps of progress she had taken in just these past two days and brushed over her unblemished skin briefly. There was no intent to his touch but even so it sent her heart rate up and sent tingles shooting through her. "Didn't you get enough earlier?" she teased.

Alistair smirked and pressed a gentle kiss to each breast before capturing her lips for a moment. "I can never get enough of you," he replied in a low voice, causing her to blush. He chuckled at her reaction but started to gently clean her tender wounds, the scars having been left earlier. Arria leant back and let Alistair tend to her, smiling at the way in the care he put across in his every action. It saddened her slightly to think they would lose this little routine after tonight, the health poultices would be able to completely fix the damage after her scars were cleaned. However, after their activities earlier, she realised they didn't need it anymore. Somehow they had taken giants leaps after leaving Denerim and while she was still slightly apprehensive about the pace, she loved the change. It wouldn't be too long before things started moving again, but for now she would just enjoy all the new ground they had uncovered.

When he was finished she scooted over, inviting him to join her on their bedrolls. He raised an eyebrow but settled in next to her, holding her close. Despite their quick rest earlier, they were both exhausted. "Don't you think you should grab something to eat before we settle for the night? Your stomach might not like you very much in the morning," he stated, earning a small smile out of her.

"I'll be fine. Besides, you might find it incredibly funny to see me eat a lot more than usual. At least then I'd be closer to your appetite," she shot back. Alistair laughed and looked at her surprised when she turned onto her side, inviting her to join him. His eyes relayed his question and she smiled gently at him. "I'm sure, Alistair. I enjoy feeling you against me, I'll be okay."

He had to wonder how much self-control he would possess with her top half being exposed but he settled in behind her, sighing at the feel of their warm skin coming together before his arm rested on her side. He could feel her smile at the connection and realised she really did know what she was doing. The amount of trust she continued to place in him was almost overwhelming, but he was determined to do right by her. She deserved happiness, and he was damn well going to try and see it come to pass.

* * *

The next day saw the group head off again, now all but recovered. Alistair started struggling after a few miles, the weakness in his right leg catching him off-guard so he settled in the cart, Arria keeping him company as they waited for the pain to fade. Anders hadn't been kidding around when he said Alistair would be in constant pain and the male Warden could only take so much before his leg gave out. Arria had promised him they would train long and hard when they set up camp tonight, knowing he would want to rebuild his strength quickly. Not only that, but he was anxious to learn more of the Artist style: if he could learn that, then he wouldn't be so reliant on his shield, thus would be able to last longer in fights. It was a good thing they had such a long journey ahead before they reached Haven. Judging by what they had found in Denerim, it was going to be a tough challenge to find the Urn.

Just as the afternoon set in, the group heard shouting up ahead. They were now on the edge of the civil war and it seemed they had found it sooner than they thought. Rod and Zevran ran ahead to find out what was going on as Alistair and Arria leapt out of the cart, relaying instructions to the rest of their company. Morrigan, Elissa, Leliana and Hallai were to remain with Bodahn and Sandal as everyone else braced themselves for battle. Rod and Zevran reported back that there were three groups in combat, apparently all belonging to different lords in the Bannorn while a group of refugees were caught in the middle. Arria led Alistair, Anders and Carou while Rod took charge of Wynne, Zevran and Sten. From what they had seen, there were not many forces left but they were beginning to get desperate. If things continued to spiral, the refugees might find themselves innocent victims.

Elissa tossed Alistair her bow and arrows just before the group left, giving the male Warden a second option should he not feel up to a head-on collision just yet, at which Arria flashed her a grateful smile. The combat half of the company set off for the battle, crossing the crest of the hill to see the carnage down below. Part of a field was set ablaze while they saw about two dozen soldiers at odds with each other. None of the crests were distinguishable from that range, but it was clear that there were three distinctly different ones. They could also see nine refugees trying to hide at a far edge of the battle, but their supplies were engulfed by the fighting: if they left they would lose everything they possessed. Arria pointed the refugees out to Rod, who nodded and guided his group towards that edge while she split her group again. Alistair and Anders remained at the crest, ready to strike from a distance as Arria and Carou slipped into position. With the soldiers so wrapped up in each other, they managed to all find good strike positions before it was spotted that another set of players had entered the game.

Anders and Wynne both launched fireball spells into the heart of the battle, bringing down a few soldiers while separating the rest. Rod and Sten charged at the small group which were now closer to them while Zevran and Wynne kept guard of the refugees. Carou hurled himself into small group, ripping out the throats of two as Arria zipped by, her blades carving through flesh as she crippled several others. Before they had the chance to attack the Mabari and the Dancer, arrows rained down from a height along with lightning. Arria raised an eyebrow at Alistair's impressive aim from such a distance but couldn't hang around for long as three more men charged at her. A spinning kick knocked all three unconscious as Carou laid waste to two more, the tell-tale splatter of blood soaking both him and Arria. She gurgled and spat, cleaning her mouth of the small amount which managed to make it inside. "At least it doesn't taste as vile as darkspawn blood," she muttered before spying a man who looked suspiciously like one of the leaders. Knowing they needed information, she ran at him as Carou barked to distract him. With his attention on the dog, Arria managed to jump and lock her legs around him, using the momentum to send him crashing to the ground as she pinned his arms beneath her legs. Before he could cry out for help she placed one of her daggers beneath his chin as she set the other one at the back of his neck. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," she hissed, succeeding in stopping the man from crying out for help.

The numbers of enemy soldiers were rapidly decreasing and it wasn't long before the Wardens' group had turned the tide. Rod managed to apprehend another while Zevran claimed one of his own, the rest of the men having been slain. Seeing the prisoners they had, Arria dragged her man to his feet and left him to Sten, the qunari more than intimidating enough to stop him from trying anything. The rest of the group soon joined them, Alistair and Anders the last after descending from the hill. Alistair couldn't help but embrace Arria quickly, making sure that she was unharmed. "You are okay?" he asked as Rod and Zevran wandered next to them.

"I'm fine, that was some nice marksmanship," remarked Arria, an impressed look on her face.

"Not quite as impressive as your little takedown."

She smiled. "Just wait until tonight and I'll show you a few more of my moves." Up until then she hadn't realised they had an audience, but Zevran's chuckle caught her attention and she looked at both him and Rod. The knight had an amused smile on his face along with a raised eyebrow while Alistair himself held back on a laugh. Arria flushed red as it twigged. "I didn't mean it like that!" she exclaimed, slapping both Rod and Zevran on the arm slightly harder than she intended.

All three men began laughing in earnest and Alistair whispered into her ear as they began walking over to their prisoners. "For the record, had you meant it that way I wouldn't have been complaining."

Arria looked at him with wide eyes, struggling to contain another blush before a small smirk settled on her face. "Well, you might need to regain your pride somehow after I'm finished with you, I suppose I could allow you a little freedom," she teased with a wink. Alistair laughed and smiled softly at her. This new flirtatious side to her was something very welcome and it reflected her growing confidence. The two of them parted with a smile as they approached their prisoners, staring hard at them. "So, who do you all represent?" None of them spoke up and stared at the ground. "Not a talkative bunch, huh? Fine, we don't need to know who you serve, just tell us whether they represent Loghain or the resistance, and we'll take our leave."

One of them spat towards the Wardens. "I represent the one person who sees the true threat the Orlesians pose to Ferelden."

That set off the other two. "Are you insane? Loghain turns his attention to Orlais when the Blight is on our doorstep!"

"The Blight has already consumed the south, how long will you idiots allow it to go on unabated?"

"If you want to blame someone for the Blight, blame those fool Grey Wardens who betrayed the king!"

"Those 'fool' Grey Wardens died because they were betrayed by your Regent, Loghain," spat Alistair, his anger visible.

Arria shared his resentment and glared at the man who spoke in favour of Loghain. "Your lord supports Loghain? Then you shall share the fate to befall him." She brought her blade across his neck quickly, ending his life painlessly much to the horror of the other men. They watched her with fear as she turned her attention to them. "Your masters realise that Loghain has gone mad and are trying to combat the Blight?"

"Ye-Yes, but there is only so much that can be done," responded one of them nervously.

She nodded at Sten and Rod who were guarding them and the two released their bonds. "Go to them and inform them that they are not alone. The Grey Wardens are currently crossing the Bannorn and will aid anyone they can on their journey to end the Blight. We need all the help we can get."

They both looked at her in shock. "You are the Grey Wardens?"

"We are, now go. Time is of the essence." They both bowed their thanks and took off into the distance, returning home at top speed. Once they were out of sight, Arria turned her attention to the group of refugees. There were only three adults among them, five of the others being young children while a teenage girl held a baby close to her chest. She knelt before the children, checking them for any injuries before she faced the adults. "Are you all uninjured?" she asked softly, hoping to not frighten them.

The children were all very shy but her gentle smile eased a couple of them while the adults regarded her cautiously. "Are you really a Grey Warden?" asked an older man with a sceptical eye.

"Yes, I am. We need to get you all somewhere safe." She turned to face Rod. "You know this area better than anyone, where do you think would be suitable?"

The knight turned thoughtful for a few seconds. "Much of this area is ruled by Arl Howe, it would be unwise to travel much further north. If things are this bad this far south, I think we will need to start heading across the Bannorn itself. I know of one place we might be able to take shelter…but it couldn't be for long."

Arria nodded. "All right, we'd best head off before night falls. Will you guys take them back to Bodahn so they can get some food and we can help them restock? Wynne, Anders, will you make sure they don't have any injuries?" Most of the rest nodded, leading the group back to the rest of their company.

Alistair stayed with Arri, catching her attention. "Where do you think Rod is leading us?"

"I don't know, but I hope he is right in it being safe. I get the feeling we have seen only the barest amount of this war, finding shelter for these refugees might be a dangerous task."

"I really hope things haven't degraded too much; if they have there might not be a Ferelden left to fight for."

Arria hugged him briefly, knowing he had a good point. If the war had escalated to heights beyond what they were expecting, there was a good chance that by the time they found their allies, Ferelden might be too weak to defeat the Blight. That was something they could not afford to happen. If it did, thousands more people would die in Ferelden alone, and the Blight would surely cripple all of Thedas.

* * *

So…I always wondered what would have happened in the civil war because, let's be honest, they kind of avoided that whole issue. This is my take on things. It won't be long (I'm not sure how long this little detour will be) but I'm going to make the most of it. Please leave me your thoughts and I'll update again soon.

Negative Angel


End file.
